When stupid hair is outlawed, only outlaws will have stupid hair 

Keith Olbermann has already beaten me to creating a Worst Person In The World list, featured nightly on MSNBC's Countdown, but I'd still like to nominate Lincoln Middle School Principal Curtis Davis in Manatee County, Florida for the honors.

12 year old Zachary Sharples, his father and his 4-year-old brother trucked to the barber shop last weekend and all got Mohawks in solidarity with the Tampa Bay Rays winning their first playoff series.

That proved his undoing when he showed up for class at Lincoln Middle School in Palmetto in Manatee County on Monday: He was summarily dumped into an in-school suspension for violating the dress-code.

"I was in the gym, waiting for the bell to ring, and the principal came up to me and said we are not allowed to have mohawks in school," Zachary told the Suncoast News.

The principal brought him to the guidance office, and the counselor confided in Zachary that she too was a Rays fan, but that mohawks violate school policy and Zach had to pay the price.

"I had to go into something called camp," he said. "It was one room, the whole day and I couldn't do anything. I just had to sit there."

There is a happy ending of sorts as young Zach's family is moving and his new school won't have a problem with his rather ugly haircut. Still, what kind of #### bans a haircut? If he thought the mohawk would become a distraction to learning, then what was the suspension and subsequent media storm that followed it?

It was a painful reminder for me of when my former step-daughter was in school. It seemed as if each year brought a new litany of rules and regulations -- each one intended to instill some kind of discipline and respect. These "law and order" types never have a clue that they're just making fools out of themselves and instead teaching the kids that too many grownups have an enormous stick up their collective ####.

Why do so many self-styled idiots make rule after rule and restriction after restriction upon youngsters -- forgetting that they themselves were young and stupid once upon a time? Because they can, of course. As Eddie Cochran told us all fifty years ago, "I'd like to help you, son, but you're too young to vote."

Of course, the national TV networks aren't especially thrilled to see Tampa Bay and not the New York Yankees in post-season play. The Daily Commercial, a Lake Country, Florida paper sums up their horror.

Fox television executives are likely sticking pins in a Tampa Bay bobblehead, hoping to keep the Rays out of the World Series. In the sordid world of television ratings, a Philadelphia-Tampa Bay World Series would be the worst thing since "Cop Rock."
Who knows? By beating the Red Sox in six games to set up the "dreaded" Tampa Bay-Philadelphia World Series, maybe the Rays can force broadcasters into joining everyone in 2008, instead of dwelling on the past.

And since those Tampa Bay Rays are facing the Boston Red Sox, it's surely time for the provincial and parochial East Coastie media to start looking down their noses at  the hopelessly tradition-barren Floridians. The Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy kicks off the snobbery.

It's not the Yankees this time. No century of history, no House That Ruth Built, no famous facade in the backdrop. It's not Cleveland with Bob Feller throwing out the first pitch. It's not Chicago with ancient references to Eddie Collins, Black Sox, South Siders, and cheapskate Charles Comiskey.

No. We're a little thin on tradition this time. The Red Sox are playing the Tampa Bay Rays in the American League Championship Series and it reminds me o####raig Nettles line when he found himself playing for the San Diego Padres after a long run with the Yankees. Dressed in his Padres UPS-driver uniform, pining for his old Yankee pinstripes, Nettles said, "You really notice it on Old Timer's Day. In New York we had Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, and Whitey Ford walking into Yankee Stadium. Here it's Nate Colbert coming back trying to sell you a used car."

Still, the column did contain a humorous recollection of the time they tried to have an NHL preseason hockey in the Rays' home dome, Tropicana Field -- then called the Suncoast Dome.

The Bruins' Chris "Knuckles" Nilan was one of the first skaters to notice a problem with the ice surface. The sheet was soft and chippy and green slime oozed from exposed pipes when players skated during warm-ups. Fans booed during an hourlong delay while Dome officials tried to correct the problem. Finally, the game was canceled. More boos. But it was a good move in the name of safety.

Had the game been played, said wise guy Nilan, "They would be calling this the Knuckledome."

Does anybody else out there think that it's waaaaaaay too early for the start of hockey season anyway? I mean, what's the hurry? It's just a sad reminder that summer is gone and we might as well start finding our gloves and boots.

Still, the Detroit Free Press' Drew Sharp believes that the game's return could be a tonic to a city in the crosshairs of the economic meltdown.

For a few hours Thursday night, Detroit wasn't home to a scandal that will land its former mayor in jail or increasingly distressing economic news from the automotive industry. It wasn't home to bad baseball or even worse football.

There was finally something worth smiling about, something that didn't instinctively make you recoil in apprehension at the mere mention of the city's name.

The Red Wings struck one final pose with the Stanley Cup, then immediately distanced themselves from what was the old achievement and what's now the new objective. It's the lingering aftertaste of champagne and echoes of worship from appreciative fans four months after the last game that contributes to "Stanley Cup hangover."

But if they're seeking a motivational underdog they can embrace, they need look no further than their own city.

The Tigers were a disaster. The Lions remain a disaster.

Michigan football struggles through a transitional period while the Pistons introduced another new coach while returning pretty much the same roster.

And there remained pockets of empty seats at Joe Louis Arena on Thursday, more evidence of the devastating effects of the economic climate. It's not a question of taking the Wings and their remarkable consistency -- 17 straight playoff appearances -- for granted. It's simply a matter of money becoming tighter.

Meanwhile, another day, another few hundred commentaries on the adventures of the former Pac-person, Cowboys' miscreant Adam Jones. While any and everybody (including this columnist) had their own opinion, consider the spin from Stephen A. Smith on ESPN’s 1st & 10, as reported by the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

"[Jones] is completely idiotic in this situation," began Smith, who once had his own Quite Frankly show on ESPN.

He was just warming up.

"I’m really ticked off right now," Smith continued. "Because one of the things that I think a lot of people can’t say, but obviously I can say being an African-American, I don’t see too many white players getting into these kinds of situations."

Smith outlined three years of "trials and tribulations" for A. "P" Jones and one major "second chance" given by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

"It’s entirely embarrassing," Smith said. "As an African-American, I’m really getting sick and tired of having to sit up here and give some kind of explanation as to why these guys find themselves in this situation.

"My last comment: White players are not finding themselves in these situations. We’ve got to start taking a look at ourselves."

Finally, there's certainly been a deluge of race-baiting by the Republicans and their friends, since they're terrified one of THEM (and you know what I mean) might actually get elected President, but I would still like to explain something to people who saw the angry white folks frothing at the mouth in Wisconsin on their television sets.

Waukesha County, where that election rally took place, is the home of white flight in my home state of Wisconsin. It's the home of Congressman F. James "what are all those brown people doing here?" Sensenbrenner. And it's where all the Milwaukeeans moved to get away from them goshdarned coloured folks and so they're pretty darn upset about it, you betcha.

Still, just mentioning that squeaky Reptile's name (and yes, his voice has always been that irritating) brought to mind a column by a colleague and former editor Joel McNally.

McNally once wrote that Sensenbrenner was the kind of person who never realized calling himself F. James gave his opponents a ready-made campaign slogan.