I have to admit, most of the smooshy extravagance people yap about Los Angeles is true. Yes, you can find spots in this town on the right day where one can see snow in the mountains, the skyline of the city and the ocean all by turning your head slightly in a rotating fashion. And yes, because of this you can ski in the morning, take a dip in the ocean in the afternoon and go rubber necking for celebrities at some joke of a night club by night. Waiter!!! Check please!!!!!! Chances are, he wants to be an actor too.

 The only thing missing in this town is an NFL franchise. And according to most of the reports and brandishing of excitement on even non - sport radio stations like KROQ, it is happening. Let the festivities begin... Right????  I am not so sure.

 Before we go plopping Jack Nicholson's fat arse on the 50 yard line, let’s rationalize. Shall we?

 The number one factor all the suits have been throwing around is the population of people within a certain radius of the proposed destination for the filed. Basically, how many people live in the area.

 Now, I left the exact numbers in my other pants, but I believe there is something like 12 million people within 20 miles of the stadium. Only New York can challenge numbers like those, and in defense of the “left coasters", New York’s field isn't even in New York. 

 This kind of population is fantastic for prospective butts in the seats stuff, but that is all it is, prospective. 12 million means nothing when you dig in to it. And here at the Dirt, my peeps know how I like to dig. Here me out on this thoughtful burp!!!!

 I would look at this 12 million and I would ask the following questions. One, how many of these 12 million even know what the hell football is. And out of that number, how many of them know we are not talking about soccer. Two, out of this 12 million how many people will be able to afford the extremely expensive tickets on a season basis. Or, for that matter, even one game. And three, out of the 12 million, can Paris Hilton not be one of them!!!!

 The problem is, if you answered yes to the last question, your franchise will go no where.

 That is a huge problem. Los Angeles is a town of trends. People only know what to do based on what celebrities are doing. People will wear toilet seats on their heads if they see even a "b- lister" sporting the look. This follow the leader stuff works for sporting events as well. Just look at the L.A Lakers. Seeing a Laker game is the sporty alternative to a night club or red carpet event. YIKES!!! It is sad, but true. If you want to sell those tickets, you better get the Celebes in the seats and their faces plastered all over the tube. Because we don't care if it is 4th and 10, we want to see that scarf Angelina had on and where in the hell we can buy it.

 Suddenly that 12 million doesn't quite look so big, does it Ashton!! No, it does not. But this is not the only deciding factor. There is a little football squad out here called the USC Trojans, and they have Snoop Dogg and all kinds of street cred. Game. Set.. Match.

 I grew up in Ohio, and I can tell you this, if the college team is constantly in the top ten, and the pro teams are hand me down losers, then the college team will be the hot ticket. Yes, there are Bengal and Browns fans, I have even seen some in person. But, the number is miniscule when compared to Buckeye fans. In Ohio, you watch NFL games on Sunday because you are too hung over from the college games the night before and you can't reach the remote to turn the station.

 This can be the same story in Los Angeles. The NFL is not going to expand. This means that the team occupying this new stadium will be a cast off from some other city. And unless it is a hot one from Survivor, we don't do cast off's!!! EVER!!!

 Remember, we set the trends out here. We don't get them from smaller, less attractive places.. Now, where did I put my toilet seat???????????

That is the Inside Dirt

It goes back so many years. Yes, there are always memories of the day to day stuff, normal, reality, which can bite! But there is always sport. Whatever it is, for some football, others ballet. Which reminds me, I saw a T- shirt that read, “If ballet were easy they would call it football! " Regardless it is sport.

  It is the fresh faced kid kicking up dirt on a sunny afternoon, falling in love with the smell of leather that will be instilled in his memory as forever being, baseball. It isn't the win or loss, who is taking what, where is my contract!!!!! No, it is just a game, the game, any of the many games that remind us that no one is bigger than it.

  This concept fades as we get older. Most think only of going green, and that doesn't mean they buy a Prius.  Curt Flood fought hard, but for what? Confused? I am too, ask Scott Boras for that answer. For some, the game retires us. That maybe the first year of Junior Varsity, or the last year of college. It could even be a scout that says that forty time just doesn't equate to the NFL. Like most things, it will end. Again, no one is bigger than the game.

  This is when we are all reminded of what the game meant to us. Not money or fame, a shoe contract or an undying entourage. It is passion for something that moves within that to an outsider (Like Boras) they would have little idea. It has to be experienced before it can be understood. Remember, when the kid makes the shot at the buzzer while also playing announcer, it is usually for The Championship, not the next Nike Commercial.

  Passion for sport is, and will always be, pure. Sure, games will be wagered, athletes will look for an edge and some parents will most definitely make it impossible to enjoy.  But for all of this, the better side, the pure side, will always win out.

 How can I know? I know this because of guys like Brett Favre. A man who played through injuries that would make even a strong man quiver. Yet, that same man is brought to tears, like a child that just gave up the winning base hit, when the thought of not having the game enters his mind.

 I know because of coaches like Mike Krzyzewski. To most, Bobby Knight is a chair tossing #### that deserves no credit whatsoever. To Coach K, he was the mentor that helped him  develope as a man, a coach and now a mentor to others. Achieving 800 wins and thanking a man such as Coach Knight may be worthy of confusion. Not understanding it however is what makes most of us fans, nothing more. 

 There is no real way to end a thought such as this. Sport will move on. For every Roger Clemens, there are three rookies, that did it clean, waiting their shot. For every Travis Henry, there is a high school kid that is up at 5 a.m. running the bleachers because he doesn't want that scout to be the one who tells him to hang them up.

 Contracts will come and go. They will also grow. There is a kid right now throwing  a ball up and hitting it in a quite, dark field. Little does he know that his hard work and dedication to the game, while his friends are off playing Wii, is what will make him the first $ 500 million dollar athlete. Corrupt, maybe, love of money over the game, possibly. But right now he works on hitting because of the tear he shed in the bottom of the seventh. He wants to be the go to man on his team and all the money in the world couldn't buy back that strikeout with runners in scoring position. That is true passion for sport.

And That Is The Inside Dirt.

Any true fan of the game, any game, has their announcer. Every time I see Joey Galloway make a catch for the Bucs, all I can hear is Keith Jackson saying , " Whoaaa Nelllyyy!!"  And how many times as a kid did I throw the football in the air and while making a spectacular slow motion catch, the voice of Harry Kalas called my every move. Yes, announcers are the often unseen personalities that make up our inner soul as sports fans.

 It is often the poor mans part of the game. Taken for granted like the next day for almost all who follow sports. Then, from time to time we are reminded of their greatness. Living in L.A and chasing “the dream", I have run in to tons of celebrities, A- list to D- list. But, it wasn't until I shook hands and had a one on one conversation with Vin Scully that my knees truly buckled.

 Sadly, we are also reminded of greatness through tragedy. The passing of Myron Cope made me reflect on a man that was and is, like Scully, Halas and Jackson, great.

 Growing up an hour outside of the “Steel City", and loving sports, it was not long until I was introduced to a mania known as Pittsburgh Steelers football. Along with the introduction, also came the raspy voice that captivated me as even as a kid. The hour drive from St. Clairsville, Ohio to Three Rivers Stadium always seemed a little bit shorter when my Grandpa would turn the radio on and a voice that sounded like arguing static would fill the car. What was this guy yelling about?

 The funny thing was, it didn't matter what he was yelling, it was Myron Cope. All announcers have their catch phrases. That quirk or slur that makes them famous. Some are even known for their amazing broadcast skills. Not Myron. He was known mainly for a language that I can only label as pure Pittsburghese. I can hear it in my head like it was only yesterday. “Da bus just ran dahn er tru dat hole and he, he and Seau missed at tackle. Bus's legs were movin dahn hill on at one boy I tell you, Picksburgh 27, da San Dieg'O Chargers 3." Mozart had his symphonies. Myron Cope had his Pittsburgh Steelers.

 It may not have been pretty, but it was as Pittsburgh as the steel that city was founded on.  And the true fan respected it, what ever "it" was. My friend’s dad, who was a season ticket holder since 72', would attend the games with his Steelers beanie and head phones. Like so many, he preferred his live Steelers experience be narrated by Myron. Those who were not lucky enough to attend would turn the television volume on mute and the radio on high. A Steelers game just meant so much more when Myron was telling the story.

To any person not in the general Pittsburgh area, you also know Myron Cope, or at least his creation.  Any towel waving of any color at any sporting event is a direct rip off of  Myron Cope's "The Terrible Towel."   The rally piece of choice for any Steelers fan. Those puke yellow ribbons of rally inspired the towel waving from New York to Los Angeles, from hockey to soccer. Yes sir, it was all started by one man, Myron Cope.

  Any true sports fans should look up and listen to his work. Yes, listening to records being scratched would be similar, but it is true history, sports history. He didn't have the look or the voice, he had more. He was the signature of an area defined by their hard work, not their dialect. Imagine a Cardinals game with out Joe Buck, a Dodger game with out Scully. It is a difficult task. And in Pittsburgh and to Steelers fans abroad, they are battling that task tonight. The Steelers with out Myron Cope. I toast a beer to you Myron. “First Dahn en ten Picksburgh, da Stillar's are ona roll!"

Thanks for telling me the story through a different point-of-view on Sundays.

And That Is The Inside Dirt

The Super Bowl is almost here. Don't worry gang, no predictions from this guy. Not after the embarrassment now known as “The Ohio State Thing."  Nope, Les Miles took all my confidence. I don't know how people like Lee Corso do it. Being wrong for a living has got to take its toll.

Anyway, I figure I would take a different route this week at the Dirt and give the readers a little take home gift. Just think of it as my covered dish for that super bowl party.  Print it, email it, whatever.... discuss, argue and most of all.... ENJOY!!!

1.) First Tom, then Tony, is the next guy Eli???

 Hear me out on this one. Eli has spent his career thus far under the shadow of his brother. If he wins this thing on Sunday, look out!!! Not only will he be bigger than his brother (for the moment), but he may bump Tom and Tony. I can see the New York Times headline now. “Eli Spotted With Paris at New York Hot Spot, New Sex Tape Leaked On To Internet." They will call that one “Fourth and Short."

2.) Nobody goes to Hooters for wings!

So I thought. This may be the false statement of the decade. First, the Hooter girl just ain't what she used to be. Second, I went to a Hooters recently, and I got to tell ya'. I loved those wings. So, from now on, that will be the only reason I do go to a Hooters, for wings!!! However, I have not gotten to go to the one in Maui, but I have heard good things.

3.) Where my girls at??!!!!

Guys stop the discussion and forget about Hooters!!! Turn directly to that girl you made wear the Patriots jersey, give her a hug, a smooch and a high - five. She deserves it. Don't get me wrong it is damn sexy you got your girl to watch the game and more so to cheer and drink. But if you think for five minutes she is not planning the cross attack for this one, you are CRAZY!!!! Maybe a play, shoe shopping, extra snuggling, I don't know. The possibilities are endless. Regardless, the sacrifice has not gone unnoticed by me. So I toast a beer to you girls. Thanks for playing along and looking good while doing it. Next year we will go to that parade, I promise....

4.) Is Jim Rome Burning.... or Flaming?

I have followed Jim Rome's career for some time. His radio show, getting knocked out by Jim Everett, the pad he has up on Mulholland Drive, they are all interesting. But I have to admit, his forum guests are weak!!!!!!! I find it extremely hard to listen to a guys opinion on a sport subject, and then see that same guy an hour later on a different show telling me what dresses the Celebrities will be wearing this summer and why. I know it is Los Angeles Jim, but come on buddy!!! Let the Entertainment Tonight people do their thing and you do yours.

5.) Quick!!! Everyone take a time out and get some grub!!!!!

I think I am going to make some wings for the game. The key is to marinate them in brown sugar and Pepsi first. Don't knock it until you try it. Instead of hot sauce, try blending ranch dressing, wasabi and roasted red peppers. Coat your wings in that and bake at 450. The Pepsi makes it sweet and the wasabi adds fire. Serve it with a Fat Weasel Pale Ale and she just might be wearing that jersey as a night gown. Ya KNOW!!!!!!

6.) Tummy's full? How about those commercials???

This is the most intriguing part of the game.  You think I am wrong? Ok. If you are at a bar for the game, look around and notice the number of people who watch the opening kick off. Then, watch the number of people who look up to see the first commercial. Compare your findings. You will see what I mean. Lately, the commercials have lost the funny. Too much internet computer stuff. They need to bring back the Frogs and Lizards. Speaking of which, if you don't already feel old, that commercial aired in 1995. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7.) Two of the greatest then, now, not so much...

Ask anyone about the Star Spangled Banner and before you can finish the banner part, someone will say Whitney Houston. As they should. She rocked the Anthem during a war time Super Bowl that to this day, still gives me chills. Now think back to one of the hottest halftime shows.  Britney Spears with those socks on her hands singing Aerosmith ring a bell? That was the first time across America men didn't get up to get a fresh beer during the halftime show. Even grandpa was not moving!!! Now, times have changed. One is only known for "Crack being Whack", and the other might shave her head and try to beat your butt with an oversized golf umbrella. Oh well, don't let it ruin the nachos.

8.) I have a joke for you. It is based on a true story

I saw Jose Canseco at the Grove in Los Angeles last weekend. I have to admit, I was a little giddy. Hey, sports fans are sports fans. I know the guy was dirty, but it was neat to see him. He is huge by the way. Anyway, it got me thinking, what was Jose doing at the Grove? Then it hit me. Someone must have told him the Farmer's Market has a really good Juice Bar... get it?? Juice Bar. WAH WAH!!!!!!

9.) Homage to the greatest pause in sports history.

Jeremy Schapp with ESPN. Not only is he a great reporter but he has also perfected a pause that now many at that station try to mimic. Sadly they can not. His dad did it well, but Jeremy has the right amount of lisp and diction that makes it so cool. I'm Jeremy Schapp, ES................................................
..................................................
........................PN.  I love it.  

10.) Finally!!! A final thought.

Don't forget while you are watching the game on Sunday that there are still some cities that do not have the fortune of having a Pro Football Team. Los Angeles would be the next in line for this gift, but I worry we would screw it up out here. Football needs fans to survive and prosper. Trendiness like it is the newest night club will not work. Here is my point. I talked to a person last week about their first L.A Lakers experience. They said it was awesome. They saw Brad Pitt, Chad Michael Murray and Ashton Kutcher. I replied, "That was neat, who were the Lakers playing?" This person replied, “You know, I don't remember." I guess some cities deserve what they deserve.

AND THAT IS THE INSIDE DIRT