Attention!! Attention brothers!!! It has been five long years.. Grab your Cricket stuff and get the goats,  it is time to reunite as one..

 I am using this popular blog to write to you about our Frat's five year reunion on Dad's yacht.. I saw no other way to reach all of you so I figured this would be the best way to do it.. I know you can't see me, but right now I am giving you all the secret handshake..

 Speaking of handshakes brothers.. What the hell is up with Ryan Dempster's delivery??? Guy looks like he is having wrist convulsions.. No matter though, he is chucking and that is why I am picking the Cub's to take the Central..

 So anyhow.. The reunion is on Dad's yacht.. We are going to all wear the White Polo button downs with the Blue and Grey stripped ties, which will look nice with the blue checkered casual dress shorts .. You know, the ones we wore my sophomore year when we made the pledges eat all that toilet paper.. Yeah Bro's...

 Speaking of toilet paper.. I totally believe that with the addition of Manny Ramirez, the Dodgers are going to wipe up the rest of the west... That guy can hit, he is a hitting machine!! I have never been to L.A brothers, way too liberal, but I bet those people are happy...

 So I think Skeeter is going to do the refreshments and Scooter the 5th has the catering taken care of.. You will need only to bring $500 dollars for the raffle.. We have some really great prizes.. The new chapter President for 2009 will be there.. We will shave his head and make him eat toilet paper I think. Yeah Brothers!!!!! Being older isn't so bad...

 Just like the White Sox and Ken Griffey Jr. That guy is old and wrinkly, but just like us, he can still hang with the young guys... I think he will give the Sox a boost and thus give them the A.L Central..

 While I am at it Brother's, I want to send a congrats to Stillwell Chester Cunningworth the 17th, Frat President 2000-2004, on his Hedge Fund company is really taking off. Like the rest of us, he always said he was the real Gordon Gecko. Man!!! What a lucky guy.. I know you can't see me Stillwell, but I am giving you the secret handshake... Take New York for all it is worth..

 He won't be the only one, the Met's did nothing.. Their pitching will be suspect down the stretch.. And for that Brother's, I say Phillies all the way in the East.. The Yankee's are in the same mess. When I went to Granddad's estate at the Vineyard to shoot quail, he assured me that Jason Bay will do the trick.. The Sox will take the East..... And I am going to have Dad's chef from work cook up that quail..

 Ok Bother's, I can’t wait to see you all. Pee- Wee and Codsworth will greet you at the Gate of the Yacht Club.. It is 1 Diamond Way, Connecticut, Aug. 17th 1p.m.. Bring your V-Neck Sweaters in case it gets cold...

 And by the way, cold is what the Angel's are not.. Adding Teixeira makes them that much more powerful.. I am an east-Coaster, so when I say this Brother's, It hurt's.. The Angel's will take the West, and we might see a Los Angeles World Series..

 Now I have to go, the guy who actually writes on this site found me and he is kicking my #### and I don't have my bigger brothers here to defend me like they did in college.. Take. AH!!!! You ripped my collar you ####.. AH!!! That hurt!!! It look's cool to wear the collar up like that on a golf shirt.. You just don't .... AH!!! I have to go.. THAT IS THIS GUY"S INSIDE DIRT!!!!!

 Fraternally yours,

 

 

Spencer Hornbuckle Todd the 21st

 

You are preachin to the quire Ken. I absolutely LOVE IT!!!!

The masses write these blogs pretending that it is a column read by hundreds, even thousands. I will admit, I enjoy reading everyones stuff, but rarely is there a fact or even an opinion that pans out. Even the junk I caugh up usually lands on the other side o####reat point. But thanks to my new dogg, Ken Rosenthal, I have a whole new confidence.

You see, Mr. Rosenthal just got finished making a point on this website about Jacoby Ellsbury. It was a great point. Strangely, I swore I had read it some where else. Then it it me!!!!! Oh yeah, I made the same point two months ago...

Ken you get paid to do this, come on!!!!!! Anyone who played above little league could take a look at Jacoby's swing and tell you he can't handle the inside fastball. Right??

I guess not. Beantown has been shouting for a Coco Crisp trade since Ellsbury managed to poke a couple outside fastballs through the old 5 & 6 during the playoffs last year. However, if the Sox faithful would have put down the Sam Adams for a second and really  paid attention, they would have noticed just how slow that dudes hands are. I know I did.. The only fastball I saw Jacoby handle on the inside turned out to be a cue shot that didn't even make it past the womens tee's. You know what that means...  Ken does. And what he says, goes.

Even if it is two months later, I am with you Ken. Keeping Coco is a good thing...

Give me a shout if you need help with any other stories...

 

Ken Rosenthal digs The Inside Dirt............... Maybe....... Probaly Not!!!!!!

 

 

Everyone take a seat, Kaz Matsui you can stand, and  I will explain what needs to be explained.. Remember nerds, the Dirt is about going in on the inside for questions. I have seen the concerns and I will take them on full force to put your minds at ease.

Golfers, don't hate on Tiger!!

Yes, it is true. A good 60 % of newpapers this morning had headlines dealing with Tiger's crumble, as opposed to that one South African guy that won. Guess what??? Deal with it!

Pro golfers remind me of the little frat geek that would push the real athlete at a bar, then get behind his ten older, bigger brothers that really aren't his brothers at all. Face it geeks! Tiger is a more interesting story than all of the other winners of the Masters combined. Win or Lose. Right now he is golf. So chill out Scooter Robert Maxwell the 15th, your geek got his green jacket, enjoy. It doesn't mean everyone has to acknowledge it.

 Jim Nantz wants you to cry!!

What is it with Jim Nantz and The Masters??? CBS has turned that thing in to one giant funeral. The piano in the background mixed with Jim's tone, YIKES!!!! Why the hell does everything have to be so sad?? At this rate, next year will have baby seals being clubbed and pictures of lost puppies during commercial breaks. This isn't a ballet CBS, leave the pink shorts and silver leggings at home. Give the soft stuff to Jim Rome and his " Entertainment Boy's".

Hey Kaz, how is Uranus!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone get Kaz a beer and some hemorrhoid cream!!!!!

It is bad enough this guy has to play in the state of Texas,  now he is known as the guy who got put on the DL with an anal fissure.

I don't know what the hell an anal fissure is, but I do know I wouldn't want my team physcian disclosing that info if I had one.

There are three truths in this world. " What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." " Don't eat the yellow snow." and, " Whats happens to your #### is none of our business."

For some reason, the Astro's didn't get the memo on the last one. 

Kaz, if you can stand buddy, I would kick some arse.. Or at least hit someone with your newly prescribed cushion.

 

And That Is The Inside Dirt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March. In like a lion, out like a college girl on Spring Break.. Fill in your own thoughts here.

I have decided to match suit here at The Dirt and take a spring break. I never got to experience this ritual of the college sex's because I was always pitching in some #### college town, like Dayton, Ohio.

But before I pack my sun block and banana hammock,I need to rehash what I have learned so far this spring. Call this my own mid- term, so to speak. Get out the cheat sheets boys and girls.. Here we go!!!!!

1.) Shaq talks too much

Before I get to the point of this, I need to serve warning. If you are in a car and the radio staion of your choice tells you they are about to play a Shaq interview, TURN DOWN YOUR BASS. Seriously, this guy can blow out a woofer faster than you can say " Hot  Pancake." The guy sounds like a woofer excursion test mixed in with some thoughtful adverbs.. There, warning served. Now on to my findings.

I have noticed a pattern relating to Shaq and former employers. He talks a lot of smack about them. I always thought that he was the one who got the raw deal in Los Angeles. After this latest rant involving the Heat I find myself talking Zen and siding with Phil. I still won't read your book.. I want the Cliffs Notes. You crazy hippy.

2.) Do the combine questions really matter??

All I have heard is how demanding these questions are from Pro teams. They put down their shemes and X's and O's and make attempts at being philosophical. The problem with this is it woulld take an #### to believe  these questions matter in a draft pick. Follow me on this one.

Q:" So Pac-man, what do you think about strip clubs and being a role model?"

A: " Well sir, I don't like strip clubs, and if I get drafted, I will be a perfect role model."

 " What a great kid, and you know what, I liked his answers. He must be telling the truth."

Q:" So Mr. Williams, what are your thoughts on marijuana?"

A: " I don't beleive that stuff should be used by an NFL player. I know if I am drafted I will stay clean."

" Wow, we have a good one here!! Let's draft him."

I will say no more. If you can run, catch, tackle or whatever at a pro level, I am sure these geniuses will accept any and all answers you throw at them. You can drool on the contract for all they care. Just be the shutdown corner they are hoping for.

3.) I like the Rays

This spring training has a general theme. There are a lot of old guys being asked to lead playoff teams. There is excitement about returns in Atlanta, Arizona and New York. The problem is, these guys were also asked to lead about thrity years ago.. Injuries have already started to rampage high octane teams like Boston and Atlanta and I don't think it will stop. Enter the Tampa Bay Rays

They are a young team that should be exciting to watch.  And while the rest of the geriatric league is installing extra handi- cap spaces, they might possibly pull a fast one on us. I hope so. It is time for something different, not involving the juice, in the MLB.

4.) March Madness

This year I tried something different for March Madness. I got everyone at the office all hyped up about how cool this years bracket pool would be. I kept up extensive guidlines and collected the money before the brackets were handed out. The pool eneded bieng like a $1000.00.

This was all good until I informed everyone that these brackets were for the womens NCAA. Needless to say it has been tense around the office as of late. Some people have literally said, " Keep the money, I am not watching one more of those damn games!!!"

Whats wrong office? I think Pat Summitt is very handsome.....

5.) I am running a Marathon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats right, The Dirt is going for a run. I decided that I will train for this year in hopes of competeing ( Not just running mind you) in the 2009 Los Angeles Marathon. I got my materials on the net. I start my serious trainig in mid July. Right now I am doing an easy 3 mile run. But, to simulate true marathon conditions, I have my buddy go against me in his BMW so as to represent the Kenyan guy I WILL BE TRYING TO BEAT....

SCHOOL IS OUT

AND THAT IS THE INSIDE DIRT!!!

 

 

 

Tuck em' in Shelley! This isn't the Pac- Ten anymore. In the words of the great sideways wearing hat, Pokey Reese, " You in the big leagues!"

That slide you pulled off against The Rays was as stupid as is was extremely unnecessary. I realize you are fairly new to the league, and proving your worth through hustle is understandable. But not breaking down on your slide, until you are over the bag, in spring training, will get you smeared!!! I'm talking, Randy Johnson vs. the pigeon kind of smeared the next time you step foot in the batters box.

Yes, Shelley is 6'5 and other measurements as well, but a fastball aimed at your gourd doesn't care. It doesn't discriminate. If aimed correctly it will hit anyone. And right now Shelley, the next time you play The Rays, it will be coming for you.

Now, most pitching coaches will turn their backs and say, " Don't go head huntin'." Or that no one should ever, or actually retaliate. Blah!!!!

I am saying in a situation like this, where a player risks another players safety by a careless, unnecessary act, its open season. Tell them Doofy, " I'll get you one for your head!!!"

I would throw at this guy until the job is done. That means if they have to bring on the back up, right fielder to finish the job because all of the pitchers were ejected, I say do it!!!

So welcome to the big leagues Shelley. Not only are you on the most hated team in America, but you are now one of the most hated men on the most hated team in America.

Trainer!!! Get Shelley some ice!!!! He got hit........ again.

 

And That Is The Inside Dirt.

Where is my dust pan?? Spring is here and that means one thing, clean! Yes, it is time for a once over at the Dirt. I have to air out the old laundry, or in this case, thoughts before I can move on to the summer.

 So, I got my rubber gloves on, that I lease with an option to buy, and a mouth full of thoughts that need to be coughed up. Ah Huh!! Blah!!!! Here I go!!!

 Thank god for the leap year!

 Or anything for that matter that will make the month of February go faster. I am not an NBA fan, college hoops are not the same since the Fab - Five and Hockey makes me snore! Unfortunately, those are the only sports in that month. It happens every year; once the Super Bowl is over I shut down the ESPN machine and hibernate like a skinny, hairless bear. I know I am not missing anything. Throw in Valentine's Day, and you have basically the crapiest month of the year.

 Arrrrrr you a Pirates Fan??

 I know I am. Yeah, it's been kind of a tough ride. And from the looks of things, this year will be no different. But don't blame the Coaches this year will ya!!!! Hear at the Dirt I always try to go inside for you on a thought, so hear me out, ok???? How about blame the scouts? In 2002, the Pirates drafted a player from Kent State Univ. with a name too long for even Scrabble. John Van Ben something or other. He was an amazing athlete, and a great hitter. I know, he hit a home run off me my junior year that landed in space. Seriously, I thnk it put a dent in the Hubble. The Pirates had first crack at this kid and they got him as a top ten pick in 02. And what do the Pirates do with an amazing hitter like this? They make him a pitcher. Huh!!!

 He did throw 93, but a lot of players with good arms can do that. I bet Vlad Gurrero could, you don't see the Angels making him a pitcher. Good scouting Pirates!! Idiots!

 I have heard recently that he is going to make an attempt at a Rick Ankiel. Good luck, because you sure  as a hell can't pitch.

 Que ????

 Sure, we all have egos. Sometimes an ego mixed with a case of the stupids makes for some funny stuff.

 I know a guy, a soccer player, which once mixed his ego with a case of these stupids.

 He told a girl, that just got a job with the E! Channel, that she one day will be interviewing him on Telemundo 52.

 This is all good except for one small problem. She was working for E! in the casting department and to go a tad deeper, spoke zero Spanish.  Telemundo 52 is a Spanish only station, so the thought of a non- Spanish speaking, non- journalist blonde from Arizona interviewing anything for that channel, let alone a weekend, club soccer player, would probably be a little odd. Vamos muchachos!!!!!!

 Go get some sun!!!!!

 This is a direct mandate from me, to a good 75% of the reporters on the Fox sports site. Come on guys, put down the Ozone protection SPF 100 and get some color. I'm not saying go out an get deep fried, but at least go with an 8 for the first thirty minutes. Some of you people are a nice shade of red lipstick away from being Marilyn Manson's twin. Vitamin D gang, it’s a science. Like the gene pool, don't hate!!!

 I spell Congress, N E R D S !!!!!!!!

 Don't get me wrong, I have always thought this. Now, after the Clemens thing, I really do. No explanation, I have a feeling most of you are with me on this one, pasty or not!!! 

 Steroids No!! Cheaters, Ah, Ok....

 Let me make sure I am getting this concept. Kids, don't do this, don't do that, and definitely don't do that!!!!

 Oh, but  wait. If you cheat the right way Uncle Sam will give you 750,000 clams for your time.

 There are nurses and teachers out there that don't make squat. Yet, that jack #### from Indiana got $ 750,000. And for what?? Cheating!!! No beer for you sir. No! None at all!

 What is to come from this Inside Dirt Goof?

 Plenty!!

 Baseball season is fast approaching. It is my true passion and will always be. I am sure to have all kinds of interesting things for the general masses to peruse.  They may not all be right or P.C, but they will make you think, that much I can say.

 For now, the Dirt is clean.  Thanks for helping me reach the hard corners. I'm out, I have to go get some sun.

 

 

And That Is The Inside Dirt!!

It goes back so many years. Yes, there are always memories of the day to day stuff, normal, reality, which can bite! But there is always sport. Whatever it is, for some football, others ballet. Which reminds me, I saw a T- shirt that read, “If ballet were easy they would call it football! " Regardless it is sport.

  It is the fresh faced kid kicking up dirt on a sunny afternoon, falling in love with the smell of leather that will be instilled in his memory as forever being, baseball. It isn't the win or loss, who is taking what, where is my contract!!!!! No, it is just a game, the game, any of the many games that remind us that no one is bigger than it.

  This concept fades as we get older. Most think only of going green, and that doesn't mean they buy a Prius.  Curt Flood fought hard, but for what? Confused? I am too, ask Scott Boras for that answer. For some, the game retires us. That maybe the first year of Junior Varsity, or the last year of college. It could even be a scout that says that forty time just doesn't equate to the NFL. Like most things, it will end. Again, no one is bigger than the game.

  This is when we are all reminded of what the game meant to us. Not money or fame, a shoe contract or an undying entourage. It is passion for something that moves within that to an outsider (Like Boras) they would have little idea. It has to be experienced before it can be understood. Remember, when the kid makes the shot at the buzzer while also playing announcer, it is usually for The Championship, not the next Nike Commercial.

  Passion for sport is, and will always be, pure. Sure, games will be wagered, athletes will look for an edge and some parents will most definitely make it impossible to enjoy.  But for all of this, the better side, the pure side, will always win out.

 How can I know? I know this because of guys like Brett Favre. A man who played through injuries that would make even a strong man quiver. Yet, that same man is brought to tears, like a child that just gave up the winning base hit, when the thought of not having the game enters his mind.

 I know because of coaches like Mike Krzyzewski. To most, Bobby Knight is a chair tossing #### that deserves no credit whatsoever. To Coach K, he was the mentor that helped him  develope as a man, a coach and now a mentor to others. Achieving 800 wins and thanking a man such as Coach Knight may be worthy of confusion. Not understanding it however is what makes most of us fans, nothing more. 

 There is no real way to end a thought such as this. Sport will move on. For every Roger Clemens, there are three rookies, that did it clean, waiting their shot. For every Travis Henry, there is a high school kid that is up at 5 a.m. running the bleachers because he doesn't want that scout to be the one who tells him to hang them up.

 Contracts will come and go. They will also grow. There is a kid right now throwing  a ball up and hitting it in a quite, dark field. Little does he know that his hard work and dedication to the game, while his friends are off playing Wii, is what will make him the first $ 500 million dollar athlete. Corrupt, maybe, love of money over the game, possibly. But right now he works on hitting because of the tear he shed in the bottom of the seventh. He wants to be the go to man on his team and all the money in the world couldn't buy back that strikeout with runners in scoring position. That is true passion for sport.

 

 

And That Is The Inside Dirt.

  

Now that the nerds on Capitol Hill have reminded us why they are NERDS, and not athletes by any means, let’s get cookin' on the upcoming season.

 

Here at the Dirt, I have broken it down to a five part series, so you the fan will have all the knowledge you need leading up to the 08 season. Enjoy!!

 

 

Part 1 - Don't Be Sold On These Three Just Yet!

 

1.) Jacoby Ellsbury

 

I can hear the Boston fans clear across the map on this one. Ok, this kid made a name for himself at the end of the year, but that doesn't matter. Want to know why? Because of scouting reports, that's why!! Anything on the inner half of the plate above 88 m.p.h, and this kid is going to have some serious wood chips left in his hands. And until he can figure out how to get his hands through on the inside pitch, I wouldn't go switching cereals just yet. Coco Crisp still may be the best brand in center.

 

 

2.) Andy LaRoche

 

Where did all of this, "Andy is our savior at third" #### come from? All I hear is how this guy is going to be the one that gets Nomar a seat on the pine. HA!! Just a couple of months ago was it not Los Angeles that was in the A-Rod sweepstakes. Hmmmm. That’s right, they were!!!!! LaRoche is young and may well be the player to fill that void left over from Beltre, but a savior, he is not. Saviors don't hit below .230 their first season. Don't worry Mia, Nomar will get his chance.

 

 

3.) Nick Swisher

 

This is another one of the victims of the scouting report. He had a good season a few years ago, but it didn't take scouts long to figure him out. He will provide attitude and hustle to the Sox, but if Ozzie can't get him to be more selective at the plate, then Nick and his .250 career avg. will be short lived in Chi- Town. 22 homeruns a year does not make you a power hitter. I don't care if you are from the same state as Kruk or not!!!

 

 

And that is the Inside Dirt

 

My god man!!!!! When will it end?

This soap opera (that I told all of you would be fun) is drying out like a prune in the Scottsdale sun. Now it is Clemens wife.

There were already enough characters in this drama, now McNamee has to throw in Clemens old lady!!! Come on! What woman looks in the mirror before her national spread in S.I and says, “Wow, I look like ####, I need some HGH!!!”? I can't think of any. That is why no one cares about the Chyna sex tape. No man wants to see a woman that looks like a body building dude floating around in her birthday suit.  You want the pretty package, not the FEDEX truck it was delivered in!!!

Back to the point. This congressional parade of questioning and coffee carrying pictures is getting old. The believability of McNamee is stating to make even myself (Someone that stands by the fact Clemens cheated), a little sketchy. I can't even imagine what Clemens lawyers are saying behind closed doors.  Probably something like, “Wow, what an ####!" This in reference to his wife after her HGH use. You were doing it wrong Richard Simmons.

No seriously, you have to make fun of all this recent stuff. Picture this. Seven years ago Roger and Brian were hanging out in the basement of Clemens Texas spread. They were jamming to Motley Crew; Clemens had his man panties to his knees, beer in hand. “This isn't going to hurt is it Brian?" McNamee, holding the syringe, about to administer the shot, assures Roger it will be ok.

Then, the injection. " Ahhhhh Yeahhhhhh!!!" Clemens endures the shot, chugs his beer and crushes the can from the pain. McNamee dabs the blood with a cotton ball and gives Roger a lollie for being so courageous.

Roger breaks in to a dance of happiness because his career will be prolonged. During the escapade of early 80's white man moves, McNamee has a break through, a light bulb if you will.

“You know, I don't trust this Roger Clemens guy. I should take this syringe, cotton ball and the extra juice and save it in this beer can he just crushed." “I may have to submit this to Congress as evidence one day." “Man, I am glad I just thought of that!!"

I know, I laughed too. Its pretty funny stuff.  That is all this is now, funny stuff.

I actually thought that Clemens would get his. I thought McNamee would lay down the goods. Well, guess what? I was wrong, again. Through the idiocy of this guy submitting and claiming accusations Roger can look in to the cameras and shrug and say. “This guy is nutty." And the public will believe that, because from the looks of things, he may be right.

This doesn't mean Roger is innocent. It just means that his accuser is developing the credibility of the “Boy who cried Wolf".

I have to go, it is warming up in Los Angeles and beach season will be here before you know it. I gotta score some HGH so I can fit in to that blue Speedo I got from Dayn Perry.

 

And that is the Inside Dirt

 

Remember a few years ago when they had those Celebrity Boxing matches? I think they should bring that back. Not as an exploitaton of D-list actors, but with real time athlete's.  All this testosteron floating around sports these past few days has got me a thinkin'. Man, there are some really good fights out there that most of us sports idiots would pay in apendages to see. Here are my Top Five , what are your's????

Piazza vs. Clemens

I have always wondered about this one. There is no doubt the two have enough bad blood to make for a great fight. No broken bat pieces Roger!  Who would win? I don't know. Both have had their hair frosted, so I can question the whole manhood thing thus leaving no dominant male. Roger is on the juice, shrunken grapes, no will power. I give the advantage to Piazza and his chiseled stache.

Canseco vs. McGwire

This one sells itself with out an explantion. The Bash Brothers!!! Need I say more??? Jose is still a big dude, but never trust those redheads, EVER!!!! McGwire in five rounds.

Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura

It's all about the revenge. Ventura charged the Express as a young kid and was ready to kick some butt. However, he was not ready for the head lock and wailing. Haymakers Robin!!!! You have to protect yourself!!!!!  That was a long time ago, but dont forget, Nolan takes Advil because it is gentler on his stomach. Something i don't think Robin has. Nolan in a decision.

 

Barry Bonds vs. Curt Schilling

One is clean, the other is not. Still, they are both hated by the masses and each other. Curt is a tall dude, so the reach would be there, but he hasn't had the time Barry has had to " train". Barry by a needle....

A- Rod vs. Scott Boras

Ok, Boras is not an athlete, but with the recent events, how could this not be a main event!!! Do you really dislike this guy now A- Rod?? Or are you just covering your butt to look like a saint of the diamond! Hopefully, somebody would jump in the ring and knock the both of them out.

That's the inside dirt.

 

Well gang, it's out! The Mitchell report has hit the stands, the names are named, and the poo is hitting the fan. It is drama that will only get better. Agents will have to speak, players will have to speak, I believe the Union is speaking right now and the Commish will have his say. Give me some popcorn and a beer!  Those early bowl games.. forget em'. I want my Baseball drama. 

However, I feel like I already got Cliff's Notes on this show. You see, the difference between myself and the  fatty's that write blogs is that I have actually been there.

That's right, I have actually thrown a pitch above the High School level. I know that Rick Reed had a three dollar curve and 2.7 million dollar change and fastball. I didn't get that from watching it on my fat arse while the wife made me fried bologna. No, I know that because I played catch with the guy. I have interacted with many players that some people dream of being around. And, with that, I also knew that steroids were the thing.

Now this is not to say I am doing my own lame report. Instead, it is to say that to anyone who played the game at a higher level, this steriod thing is not  too shocking. I knew people who did, some now in the majors, others wishing they were in the majors. Regardless, they popped the pink pill because it was the thing to do. It was the extra edge. I will say no more. It was a sad day, and at the same time  a day of revenge and happiness. Confused? Here's what I'm burping!!!!

SORRY FOR

The fans. Especially the fans!!!

The fans will always be one of the victims. It is by default. To be a fan one must give a true devotion to something they can not control. You root because of the purity it brings to the soul. Well, guess what soul?? All that stuff from the last decade was a hoax. Roll that up and smoke it. Or if you are Roger Clemens, shoot it!! I feel for you fans... Don't give up yet.

The players. The clean one's

No record will be cherished, no talent will be taken seriuosly. Because of this, if you are good, it must be the juice. It is more than this though. I think about all of the countless players who did it clean and got nothing out of it. Imagine being a left fielder for the Giants farm system the last decade. You didn't get a shot because Barry was rubbing his bald head with SUPER CREAM!!!! I toast a tall beer to you guys. You deserved better. The true athlete.

Hall of Fame and its voters

Man do these guys have their work cut out for them. The inductee ceremony the next twenty years is going to be really small if the Hall has any kind of conscience. All those past snubs over the years better get a nice suit and a speech. You are in guys!!! Trust me.

NOT SO SORRY

Roger and Andy

As a pitcher in college, you are constantly studying the craft. Watching tapes of yourself, tapes of other players, whatever. I remember watching a workout a few years ago. It was Andy Pettite and Roger Clemens. I was fascinated. I didn't care for them, but their routine was awesome!!! I actually used some of it in my workouts. I focused on my quads. Clemens said those were the money makers. Ha!!! Turns out their money makers were in a fanny pack off camera. They are both frauds and deserve nothing more. When they figure out when Clemens started using, they should take his Cy Youngs, or Prorate them. He knows all about that!!!!! You are a fraud Roger. Go hide with Mark McGwire.

Barry Bonds

Obviously! I watched Barry as a kid  at Three River's. And I got to see him last season as a really big old man ( Thanks Brit). I routed for this guy, and I actually got chills when he hit 756.  When I think about all the kids growing up wiggling their bats and choking up, it now makes me sick. Good luck Barry. Your Lawyer is not that good. You just got caught holding the gun while taping the murder with a hand held. Jail will be good for your temper.

Pete Rose

This has nothing to do with steriods, but it will drive the point home. Pete Rose was possibly the greatest hitter in baseball. He hustled, he was dirty, he was a true ball player. But he broke the rules, just like these idiots in George's report. Break the rules and no Hall of Fame. Sorry Pete! Look on the bright side. Your, "I should be in the Hall" pity party guest list just grew by 80.

AND THAT IS THE INSIDE DIRT

 

It is splattered all over the news.  ESPN, Fox, I even heard the Lady's of the View talking about it.  Barry Bonds is going to get reamed in a court of law!!! It is a realtiy show that will write itself. Lazy  baseball analysts will now be taking the place of seasoned People's Court enthusiasts. Imagine how funny it will be when Pedro Gomez does a feed for Court T.V.  Thank you Barry, it is going to be an amazing show. Much better than your last.

In all of the chaos this case will bring, I can't help but wonder about one thing. Will Mark McGwire be watching? For that matter, where the hell is Mark McGwire? The guy has fallen second only to Bin Laden as a person no one has laid eye's on in the past four years. That is, besides when they both  make arses of themselves on t.v. Take the fifth Mark! We don't want to know about the past either!!

But wait, now we do. Steriods is a hot topic. This Barry Bonds thing is a Federal deal. Tell us the past boys, we are thirsty for answers!!!

And to quench it, I say let us not stop at Barry. Sure he probably lied and his chick knew he was drinking the juice. Blah Blah Blah. But, I want to know about The Big Mac. What is his special sauce?  Does Mitchell have that in his papers? And what about his cohort, Palmeiro? Talk about liar liar pants on fire. He pointed and yelled and even justified his statement with a verbal punctuation, PERIOD!!!!!! A month later he was suspended for steriods. Palmeiro knew of Big Macs sauce. Take the fifth, liars.

I am thirsty for the past, you need a tall drink after dealing with a Big Mac and his special sauce.  Cheers Mark, I know you will be watching all of this too!!!