I have to admit, most of the smooshy extravagance people yap about Los Angeles is true. Yes, you can find spots in this town on the right day where one can see snow in the mountains, the skyline of the city and the ocean all by turning your head slightly in a rotating fashion. And yes, because of this you can ski in the morning, take a dip in the ocean in the afternoon and go rubber necking for celebrities at some joke of a night club by night. Waiter!!! Check please!!!!!! Chances are, he wants to be an actor too.

 The only thing missing in this town is an NFL franchise. And according to most of the reports and brandishing of excitement on even non - sport radio stations like KROQ, it is happening. Let the festivities begin... Right????  I am not so sure.

 Before we go plopping Jack Nicholson's fat arse on the 50 yard line, let’s rationalize. Shall we?

 The number one factor all the suits have been throwing around is the population of people within a certain radius of the proposed destination for the filed. Basically, how many people live in the area.

 Now, I left the exact numbers in my other pants, but I believe there is something like 12 million people within 20 miles of the stadium. Only New York can challenge numbers like those, and in defense of the “left coasters", New York’s field isn't even in New York. 

 This kind of population is fantastic for prospective butts in the seats stuff, but that is all it is, prospective. 12 million means nothing when you dig in to it. And here at the Dirt, my peeps know how I like to dig. Here me out on this thoughtful burp!!!!

 I would look at this 12 million and I would ask the following questions. One, how many of these 12 million even know what the hell football is. And out of that number, how many of them know we are not talking about soccer. Two, out of this 12 million how many people will be able to afford the extremely expensive tickets on a season basis. Or, for that matter, even one game. And three, out of the 12 million, can Paris Hilton not be one of them!!!!

 The problem is, if you answered yes to the last question, your franchise will go no where.

 That is a huge problem. Los Angeles is a town of trends. People only know what to do based on what celebrities are doing. People will wear toilet seats on their heads if they see even a "b- lister" sporting the look. This follow the leader stuff works for sporting events as well. Just look at the L.A Lakers. Seeing a Laker game is the sporty alternative to a night club or red carpet event. YIKES!!! It is sad, but true. If you want to sell those tickets, you better get the Celebes in the seats and their faces plastered all over the tube. Because we don't care if it is 4th and 10, we want to see that scarf Angelina had on and where in the hell we can buy it.

 Suddenly that 12 million doesn't quite look so big, does it Ashton!! No, it does not. But this is not the only deciding factor. There is a little football squad out here called the USC Trojans, and they have Snoop Dogg and all kinds of street cred. Game. Set.. Match.

 I grew up in Ohio, and I can tell you this, if the college team is constantly in the top ten, and the pro teams are hand me down losers, then the college team will be the hot ticket. Yes, there are Bengal and Browns fans, I have even seen some in person. But, the number is miniscule when compared to Buckeye fans. In Ohio, you watch NFL games on Sunday because you are too hung over from the college games the night before and you can't reach the remote to turn the station.

 This can be the same story in Los Angeles. The NFL is not going to expand. This means that the team occupying this new stadium will be a cast off from some other city. And unless it is a hot one from Survivor, we don't do cast off's!!! EVER!!!

 Remember, we set the trends out here. We don't get them from smaller, less attractive places.. Now, where did I put my toilet seat???????????

That is the Inside Dirt

Any true fan of the game, any game, has their announcer. Every time I see Joey Galloway make a catch for the Bucs, all I can hear is Keith Jackson saying , " Whoaaa Nelllyyy!!"  And how many times as a kid did I throw the football in the air and while making a spectacular slow motion catch, the voice of Harry Kalas called my every move. Yes, announcers are the often unseen personalities that make up our inner soul as sports fans.

 It is often the poor mans part of the game. Taken for granted like the next day for almost all who follow sports. Then, from time to time we are reminded of their greatness. Living in L.A and chasing “the dream", I have run in to tons of celebrities, A- list to D- list. But, it wasn't until I shook hands and had a one on one conversation with Vin Scully that my knees truly buckled.

 Sadly, we are also reminded of greatness through tragedy. The passing of Myron Cope made me reflect on a man that was and is, like Scully, Halas and Jackson, great.

 Growing up an hour outside of the “Steel City", and loving sports, it was not long until I was introduced to a mania known as Pittsburgh Steelers football. Along with the introduction, also came the raspy voice that captivated me as even as a kid. The hour drive from St. Clairsville, Ohio to Three Rivers Stadium always seemed a little bit shorter when my Grandpa would turn the radio on and a voice that sounded like arguing static would fill the car. What was this guy yelling about?

 The funny thing was, it didn't matter what he was yelling, it was Myron Cope. All announcers have their catch phrases. That quirk or slur that makes them famous. Some are even known for their amazing broadcast skills. Not Myron. He was known mainly for a language that I can only label as pure Pittsburghese. I can hear it in my head like it was only yesterday. “Da bus just ran dahn er tru dat hole and he, he and Seau missed at tackle. Bus's legs were movin dahn hill on at one boy I tell you, Picksburgh 27, da San Dieg'O Chargers 3." Mozart had his symphonies. Myron Cope had his Pittsburgh Steelers.

 It may not have been pretty, but it was as Pittsburgh as the steel that city was founded on.  And the true fan respected it, what ever "it" was. My friend’s dad, who was a season ticket holder since 72', would attend the games with his Steelers beanie and head phones. Like so many, he preferred his live Steelers experience be narrated by Myron. Those who were not lucky enough to attend would turn the television volume on mute and the radio on high. A Steelers game just meant so much more when Myron was telling the story.

To any person not in the general Pittsburgh area, you also know Myron Cope, or at least his creation.  Any towel waving of any color at any sporting event is a direct rip off of  Myron Cope's "The Terrible Towel."   The rally piece of choice for any Steelers fan. Those puke yellow ribbons of rally inspired the towel waving from New York to Los Angeles, from hockey to soccer. Yes sir, it was all started by one man, Myron Cope.

  Any true sports fans should look up and listen to his work. Yes, listening to records being scratched would be similar, but it is true history, sports history. He didn't have the look or the voice, he had more. He was the signature of an area defined by their hard work, not their dialect. Imagine a Cardinals game with out Joe Buck, a Dodger game with out Scully. It is a difficult task. And in Pittsburgh and to Steelers fans abroad, they are battling that task tonight. The Steelers with out Myron Cope. I toast a beer to you Myron. “First Dahn en ten Picksburgh, da Stillar's are ona roll!"

Thanks for telling me the story through a different point-of-view on Sundays.

And That Is The Inside Dirt