What to watch for this weekend, you ask.. None other than the British Open. Don't worry, I didn't see this coming either and I know sports.. That is why I don't work for ESPN, or peanuts, almonds maybe, they help the pubic bone.

Seriously, every station, even FOX, was feeding us the " Don't watch this thing, Tiger ain't there" stew... Well guess what?? I don't like your stew Grandpa, it tastes funny!! Even Mikey doesn't like it!! And he will eat anything.

The British Open has been nothing short of amazing thus far, and I am not just barking about Greg and Duvall.

Watching professionals shoot 80, 79 etc.... makes for great entertainment..
It gives us casual golfers, ( Guy's who are drunk before they even tee off.), a fuzzy recognizable feeling of, ha! I have hit that same 40 yard duck hook with my 3 wood as well. Go get em' Phil.. It is nice to identify with a train wreck.. Hell ,I will wait to get a fresh beer during the commercial break instead, I want to see that guy make 10 on a par- 3.. I did the same thing at the company golf outing yesterday.. There wasn't as much rain or wind, actually, there was none. But still, I feel you brotha!!!

So tune in.. It doesn't matter if there is a Tiger or not. There is a Shark. Yes, that shark is old and owes one hell of an alimony to the Misses, but come on!!!!!! I feel like I am back in the early 90's.. Reebok was still cool, the Pump was being put on every type of shoe known, and people thought Roger Clemens was a stand up citizen... HA!!!!!!

Just watch the Golf Channel Audry. And quit making those expensive phone calls to Chicago!!! That goes for all of you.. This is a democracy... And i just upped your allowance..

And that is the Inside Dirt

Everyone take a seat, Kaz Matsui you can stand, and  I will explain what needs to be explained.. Remember nerds, the Dirt is about going in on the inside for questions. I have seen the concerns and I will take them on full force to put your minds at ease.

Golfers, don't hate on Tiger!!

Yes, it is true. A good 60 % of newpapers this morning had headlines dealing with Tiger's crumble, as opposed to that one South African guy that won. Guess what??? Deal with it!

Pro golfers remind me of the little frat geek that would push the real athlete at a bar, then get behind his ten older, bigger brothers that really aren't his brothers at all. Face it geeks! Tiger is a more interesting story than all of the other winners of the Masters combined. Win or Lose. Right now he is golf. So chill out Scooter Robert Maxwell the 15th, your geek got his green jacket, enjoy. It doesn't mean everyone has to acknowledge it.

 Jim Nantz wants you to cry!!

What is it with Jim Nantz and The Masters??? CBS has turned that thing in to one giant funeral. The piano in the background mixed with Jim's tone, YIKES!!!! Why the hell does everything have to be so sad?? At this rate, next year will have baby seals being clubbed and pictures of lost puppies during commercial breaks. This isn't a ballet CBS, leave the pink shorts and silver leggings at home. Give the soft stuff to Jim Rome and his " Entertainment Boy's".

Hey Kaz, how is Uranus!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone get Kaz a beer and some hemorrhoid cream!!!!!

It is bad enough this guy has to play in the state of Texas,  now he is known as the guy who got put on the DL with an anal fissure.

I don't know what the hell an anal fissure is, but I do know I wouldn't want my team physcian disclosing that info if I had one.

There are three truths in this world. " What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." " Don't eat the yellow snow." and, " Whats happens to your #### is none of our business."

For some reason, the Astro's didn't get the memo on the last one. 

Kaz, if you can stand buddy, I would kick some arse.. Or at least hit someone with your newly prescribed cushion.

And That Is The Inside Dirt.

Golf! It sounds like you have something caught in your throat. . Sure I have played a few holes, not always sober. Do you know a better way???!!!. I even played on my High school team. I hold the esteemed reputation of being one of three golfers kicked off for smoking my sophomore year. Yep, golf, what a game. What a gaammmeeeeaee............................

Sorry, this is a couple hours later. I must have fallen asleep at the computer. That’s usually what happens to me when I am watching or actually doing anything that involves the sport of golf. It is boring!!!

Golfers are like Santa's reindeer. Tiger is Rudolph, the most famous reindeer of all. Phil and Singh are Donner and Blitzen. The rest of the golfers are the reindeer in the middle of the song that most of America can't remember to save their lives. They will say anything. Sneezy, Snoopy, Cupid ( That is really one of them), Charles, Viggo Mortenson, you get the point. If it isn't one of the first three, forget it.

However, I have to give props to one golfer for his recent accomplishments. And, like always here at the Dirt, it is for the inside dish, not fat expert opinion (Geeks).

Dan Chopra is on top of the world, or at least, his own world. It took four extra holes to do it, but Danny won some Hawaii green. 1.1 million to be exact. He probably still has the over-sized check in the trunk of his car to prove it. Along with that, a prize greater than cash, a trip to The Masters. I can already hear that sappy piano music NBC plays in the background like it is a damn four day funeral. Regardless, Dan Chopra is in!!! Congratulations brother, you deserve it. I hope the next Green blazer goes over your shoulders dude.

I give this praise because Dan Chopra could possibly be the coolest golfer, EVER!!

It was three years ago at the FBR in Scottsdale, Az. The driving range was the place to be. Fan's of the game stood by and watched grown men hit balls with each other, and then explain why one man hits it better than the next. My friends and I could care less. We were wasted bro!!!!! Unlike the walking dead, that are golf fans, we just wanted to heckle. For that, we needed a good target. It was not easy; Vijay was standing way too far away for any of our verbal splashing to take effect. Enter Dan Chopra.

No one knew who this guy was. He stood in the far left corner of the d- range and went about his business. Until we showed up.  

Thank the golf gods for those little signs next to the guy explaining who in the hell they are, or the coolest golf experience would have not existed this day.

Once learning Dan's name was Dan, we decided to cheer for his d- range practice. In fact, we decided to cheer his every swing, practice or not. It was the loudest any driving range has probably ever gotten at a professional golfing event, I guarantee it!!!

You think that the constant noise would frazzle an unknown golfer like Dan Chopra, but it did nothing of the sort.  He was great!! He played along with our group like he was one of us. He pulled off a few trick shots, and if I can remember correctly, he even took a swing and missed one time. Dan was the coolest.

After the fun, he came over and gave us the love for being with him through every swing during his practice. He even signed my plastic beer cup. What a guy!!!

So I say to you Dan Chopra! Stand up and take notice. You may not be Rudolph, but you are definitely the coolest golfer EVER!!!!! I still have that plastic cup buddy!!

And that is The Inside Dirt