March. In like a lion, out like a college girl on Spring Break.. Fill in your own thoughts here.

I have decided to match suit here at The Dirt and take a spring break. I never got to experience this ritual of the college sex's because I was always pitching in some #### college town, like Dayton, Ohio.

But before I pack my sun block and banana hammock,I need to rehash what I have learned so far this spring. Call this my own mid- term, so to speak. Get out the cheat sheets boys and girls.. Here we go!!!!!

1.) Shaq talks too much

Before I get to the point of this, I need to serve warning. If you are in a car and the radio staion of your choice tells you they are about to play a Shaq interview, TURN DOWN YOUR BASS. Seriously, this guy can blow out a woofer faster than you can say " Hot  Pancake." The guy sounds like a woofer excursion test mixed in with some thoughtful adverbs.. There, warning served. Now on to my findings.

I have noticed a pattern relating to Shaq and former employers. He talks a lot of smack about them. I always thought that he was the one who got the raw deal in Los Angeles. After this latest rant involving the Heat I find myself talking Zen and siding with Phil. I still won't read your book.. I want the Cliffs Notes. You crazy hippy.

2.) Do the combine questions really matter??

All I have heard is how demanding these questions are from Pro teams. They put down their shemes and X's and O's and make attempts at being philosophical. The problem with this is it woulld take an #### to believe  these questions matter in a draft pick. Follow me on this one.

Q:" So Pac-man, what do you think about strip clubs and being a role model?"

A: " Well sir, I don't like strip clubs, and if I get drafted, I will be a perfect role model."

 " What a great kid, and you know what, I liked his answers. He must be telling the truth."

Q:" So Mr. Williams, what are your thoughts on marijuana?"

A: " I don't beleive that stuff should be used by an NFL player. I know if I am drafted I will stay clean."

" Wow, we have a good one here!! Let's draft him."

I will say no more. If you can run, catch, tackle or whatever at a pro level, I am sure these geniuses will accept any and all answers you throw at them. You can drool on the contract for all they care. Just be the shutdown corner they are hoping for.

3.) I like the Rays

This spring training has a general theme. There are a lot of old guys being asked to lead playoff teams. There is excitement about returns in Atlanta, Arizona and New York. The problem is, these guys were also asked to lead about thrity years ago.. Injuries have already started to rampage high octane teams like Boston and Atlanta and I don't think it will stop. Enter the Tampa Bay Rays

They are a young team that should be exciting to watch.  And while the rest of the geriatric league is installing extra handi- cap spaces, they might possibly pull a fast one on us. I hope so. It is time for something different, not involving the juice, in the MLB.

4.) March Madness

This year I tried something different for March Madness. I got everyone at the office all hyped up about how cool this years bracket pool would be. I kept up extensive guidlines and collected the money before the brackets were handed out. The pool eneded bieng like a $1000.00.

This was all good until I informed everyone that these brackets were for the womens NCAA. Needless to say it has been tense around the office as of late. Some people have literally said, " Keep the money, I am not watching one more of those damn games!!!"

Whats wrong office? I think Pat Summitt is very handsome.....

5.) I am running a Marathon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats right, The Dirt is going for a run. I decided that I will train for this year in hopes of competeing ( Not just running mind you) in the 2009 Los Angeles Marathon. I got my materials on the net. I start my serious trainig in mid July. Right now I am doing an easy 3 mile run. But, to simulate true marathon conditions, I have my buddy go against me in his BMW so as to represent the Kenyan guy I WILL BE TRYING TO BEAT....

SCHOOL IS OUT

AND THAT IS THE INSIDE DIRT!!!