I have to admit, most of the smooshy extravagance people yap about Los Angeles is true. Yes, you can find spots in this town on the right day where one can see snow in the mountains, the skyline of the city and the ocean all by turning your head slightly in a rotating fashion. And yes, because of this you can ski in the morning, take a dip in the ocean in the afternoon and go rubber necking for celebrities at some joke of a night club by night. Waiter!!! Check please!!!!!! Chances are, he wants to be an actor too.

 The only thing missing in this town is an NFL franchise. And according to most of the reports and brandishing of excitement on even non - sport radio stations like KROQ, it is happening. Let the festivities begin... Right????  I am not so sure.

 Before we go plopping Jack Nicholson's fat arse on the 50 yard line, let’s rationalize. Shall we?

 The number one factor all the suits have been throwing around is the population of people within a certain radius of the proposed destination for the filed. Basically, how many people live in the area.

 Now, I left the exact numbers in my other pants, but I believe there is something like 12 million people within 20 miles of the stadium. Only New York can challenge numbers like those, and in defense of the “left coasters", New York’s field isn't even in New York. 

 This kind of population is fantastic for prospective butts in the seats stuff, but that is all it is, prospective. 12 million means nothing when you dig in to it. And here at the Dirt, my peeps know how I like to dig. Here me out on this thoughtful burp!!!!

 I would look at this 12 million and I would ask the following questions. One, how many of these 12 million even know what the hell football is. And out of that number, how many of them know we are not talking about soccer. Two, out of this 12 million how many people will be able to afford the extremely expensive tickets on a season basis. Or, for that matter, even one game. And three, out of the 12 million, can Paris Hilton not be one of them!!!!

 The problem is, if you answered yes to the last question, your franchise will go no where.

 That is a huge problem. Los Angeles is a town of trends. People only know what to do based on what celebrities are doing. People will wear toilet seats on their heads if they see even a "b- lister" sporting the look. This follow the leader stuff works for sporting events as well. Just look at the L.A Lakers. Seeing a Laker game is the sporty alternative to a night club or red carpet event. YIKES!!! It is sad, but true. If you want to sell those tickets, you better get the Celebes in the seats and their faces plastered all over the tube. Because we don't care if it is 4th and 10, we want to see that scarf Angelina had on and where in the hell we can buy it.

 Suddenly that 12 million doesn't quite look so big, does it Ashton!! No, it does not. But this is not the only deciding factor. There is a little football squad out here called the USC Trojans, and they have Snoop Dogg and all kinds of street cred. Game. Set.. Match.

 I grew up in Ohio, and I can tell you this, if the college team is constantly in the top ten, and the pro teams are hand me down losers, then the college team will be the hot ticket. Yes, there are Bengal and Browns fans, I have even seen some in person. But, the number is miniscule when compared to Buckeye fans. In Ohio, you watch NFL games on Sunday because you are too hung over from the college games the night before and you can't reach the remote to turn the station.

 This can be the same story in Los Angeles. The NFL is not going to expand. This means that the team occupying this new stadium will be a cast off from some other city. And unless it is a hot one from Survivor, we don't do cast off's!!! EVER!!!

 Remember, we set the trends out here. We don't get them from smaller, less attractive places.. Now, where did I put my toilet seat???????????

That is the Inside Dirt