Where is my dust pan?? Spring is here and that means one thing, clean! Yes, it is time for a once over at the Dirt. I have to air out the old laundry, or in this case, thoughts before I can move on to the summer.

 So, I got my rubber gloves on, that I lease with an option to buy, and a mouth full of thoughts that need to be coughed up. Ah Huh!! Blah!!!! Here I go!!!

 Thank god for the leap year!

 Or anything for that matter that will make the month of February go faster. I am not an NBA fan, college hoops are not the same since the Fab - Five and Hockey makes me snore! Unfortunately, those are the only sports in that month. It happens every year; once the Super Bowl is over I shut down the ESPN machine and hibernate like a skinny, hairless bear. I know I am not missing anything. Throw in Valentine's Day, and you have basically the crapiest month of the year.

 Arrrrrr you a Pirates Fan??

 I know I am. Yeah, it's been kind of a tough ride. And from the looks of things, this year will be no different. But don't blame the Coaches this year will ya!!!! Hear at the Dirt I always try to go inside for you on a thought, so hear me out, ok???? How about blame the scouts? In 2002, the Pirates drafted a player from Kent State Univ. with a name too long for even Scrabble. John Van Ben something or other. He was an amazing athlete, and a great hitter. I know, he hit a home run off me my junior year that landed in space. Seriously, I thnk it put a dent in the Hubble. The Pirates had first crack at this kid and they got him as a top ten pick in 02. And what do the Pirates do with an amazing hitter like this? They make him a pitcher. Huh!!!

 He did throw 93, but a lot of players with good arms can do that. I bet Vlad Gurrero could, you don't see the Angels making him a pitcher. Good scouting Pirates!! Idiots!

 I have heard recently that he is going to make an attempt at a Rick Ankiel. Good luck, because you sure  as a hell can't pitch.

 Que ????

 Sure, we all have egos. Sometimes an ego mixed with a case of the stupids makes for some funny stuff.

 I know a guy, a soccer player, which once mixed his ego with a case of these stupids.

 He told a girl, that just got a job with the E! Channel, that she one day will be interviewing him on Telemundo 52.

 This is all good except for one small problem. She was working for E! in the casting department and to go a tad deeper, spoke zero Spanish.  Telemundo 52 is a Spanish only station, so the thought of a non- Spanish speaking, non- journalist blonde from Arizona interviewing anything for that channel, let alone a weekend, club soccer player, would probably be a little odd. Vamos muchachos!!!!!!

 Go get some sun!!!!!

 This is a direct mandate from me, to a good 75% of the reporters on the Fox sports site. Come on guys, put down the Ozone protection SPF 100 and get some color. I'm not saying go out an get deep fried, but at least go with an 8 for the first thirty minutes. Some of you people are a nice shade of red lipstick away from being Marilyn Manson's twin. Vitamin D gang, it’s a science. Like the gene pool, don't hate!!!

 I spell Congress, N E R D S !!!!!!!!

 Don't get me wrong, I have always thought this. Now, after the Clemens thing, I really do. No explanation, I have a feeling most of you are with me on this one, pasty or not!!! 

 Steroids No!! Cheaters, Ah, Ok....

 Let me make sure I am getting this concept. Kids, don't do this, don't do that, and definitely don't do that!!!!

 Oh, but  wait. If you cheat the right way Uncle Sam will give you 750,000 clams for your time.

 There are nurses and teachers out there that don't make squat. Yet, that jack #### from Indiana got $ 750,000. And for what?? Cheating!!! No beer for you sir. No! None at all!

 What is to come from this Inside Dirt Goof?

 Plenty!!

 Baseball season is fast approaching. It is my true passion and will always be. I am sure to have all kinds of interesting things for the general masses to peruse.  They may not all be right or P.C, but they will make you think, that much I can say.

 For now, the Dirt is clean.  Thanks for helping me reach the hard corners. I'm out, I have to go get some sun.

And That Is The Inside Dirt!!