Ok buckle your seatbelts and enjoy the best list in the history of the planet. Its going to be a bumpy ride full of excitement and controversy, but ladies and gentlemen here it is your top 10 sports derrieres.
10. Derek Jeter I am no Yankee fan, but lets be honest, no shortstop has made as many hardcore baseball fans out of once uninterested moms, sisters, girlfriends, and wives. Jeter's moneymaker not only brings in the fans but brings in the rings. One clutch derriere starts this list off.
9. Mia Hamm Americans are hesitant to embrace two things in life - soccer and women's sports. This didn't stop Hamm from becoming a major American sports icon, leading U.S. women to World Cup glory and snagging herself a shortstop of her own. Jeter has the rings but Nomar's got Mia's ... Hamm.
8. Danica Patrick Ever been on a long road trip? If you have you know that as the miles pile on your bumper gets tired and sore. With that fact in mind it is even more amazing that Danica rides on against the men's top Indy racers. It is only a matter of time until Danica and her trunk find themselves toughing out a victory lap against the boys.
7. Cecil and Prince Fielder I guess a homerun swing really is all in the jeans. Prince can thank his dad for inheriting a rump that blasts out the long balls. This new booty might not even have to take the family "Field" trip to Japan.
6. Nancy Lopez It is not a pretty site but this old school rump shaker gets a birdie for consistency and sheer mass.
5. Maria Sharapova Unlike another bombshell blonde tennis star, this girl actually wins. It is a good thing too, because when you win, we all get to stare... I mean watch you play alot more matches.
4. Shaquille O'neal You thought that Kobe and Wade were the sidekicks that helped Shaq get four rings. Wrong. The only sidekick Shaq needs is his Diesel fueled mid-rear engine.
3. Ronaldo It takes a powerful behind to get the President of Brazil calling to find out how much excess meat your hauling. But that is exactly what happened withe World Cup's all-time leading scorer - Fat Ronaldo. While the world worries about the size of Ronaldo's butt, his coach just keeps playing the superstar and watching his butt... kick!
2. Serena Williams When Serena and her kuzunga are in full-effect they are the most unstoppable force in the history of women's tennis. Serena's booty is so mighty it makes J-Lo's bon-bon shake. Even the US Army knows where Serena is hiding her weapon of #### destruction. Congrat's Serena you own the number two spot on the list and the numer one amongst all the women.
1. Charles Barkley The "Round Mound of Rebound" carved out a Hall of Fame NBA career with a "mound" that could box opponents twice his height. This tank #### provided power, balance, and surprising hops. Sure Barkley's derriere had a great NBA career, but what is more impressive is that it also following that success with another successful career. Barkley is now making good dough talking out of his butt. Now that is one talented derriere.
1. World Cup or Stanley Cup or NBA Finals? Chose one to write about and tell why.
2. Make an all-star lineup of any sport (exp. NBA- C- Bill Russel; PF- Tim Duncan; SF- Larry Bird; SG- Michael Jordan; PG Magic Johnson). You have to fill up all positions too (that includes DH for Baseball)
1. I would be lying to myself if I chose anything besides the World Cup. If you read my latest blogs it is obvious that I am most interested in the event that truly crowns the world champions. In a grueling process that happens once every four years and takes almost two years to qualify for, this is the one tournament that brings the entire world to a stand still. But I would also be lying to all of you if I said I was not interested in all three. I am a sportsnutt after all.
I like most of America have not been watching much of the Stanley Cup although if it were not for the World Cup I would be watching it a lot more. I like playoff hockey for its speed, intensity, physical play, and goal tending. Maybe it comes back to my appreciation of World Cup soccer that I do not need to see a goal to be enternained, but can be equally and sometimes more entertained by the brilliance of one man's sheer will to keep a ball or puck out of his net. It is this position that can make nobodies like Hislop of Trinidad and Tobago and Dwayne Roloson of Edmonton into heroes for there teams, cities, or even nations.
NBA Finals are a blast. This year has been a great NBA postseason and again it has been something else to see how often a game can come down to the final minute. Game three of Heat and Mavs for example. Gary Payton, the old almost washed up ex-Super Sonic, hit the game winner over the Miami Heat in the final seconds last night for a moment of glory in a game and series that looked to be all but over a few minutes earlier. Who would have known that across the world a half day later Tunisia would tie Saudi Arabia in the final minutes of there match and that Germany would break the hearts of an entire country in the final minute of there match. And lets not forget the Stanley Cup. Game 1 seemed like it was all over when the Canes tied it up with 30 seconds left and then went on to win in OT.
So whats my awnser? I guess I don't have one. I am a sportsnutt to the core. I love the drama, unpredictability, passion, and competitiveness of all sports. Even the ones I don't like I have a deep appreciation of the hard work it took to get to there level. This is why I will make sure to see Stanley Cup highlights, watch the NBA Finals, see all of the World Cup, and even tune in for the U.S. Open. Its my life.
2. Ok this is my all-star steroids using baseball team.
C. Pudge, I mean slim, Rodriguez
1b. Rafael, I did not do steroids, Palmiero
2b. Brett, chix dig the long ball, Boone
3b. Ken, RIP, Caminiti
SS. Every quick fielding 40 homer hitting shortsop since 1993
LF. Barry, I take the good stuff so you will never prove it, Bonds
CF. Alex, first to get busted for steroids, Sanchez
RF. Sammy, I apology, Sosa
DH. Mark, lets not talk about the past, McGwire
PH. Jason, I am back on the good stuff try to catch me, Giambi
P. Jose, I taught you how to Juice now I am telling on you, Canseco
RP. Ryan, cheapest roids ever, Franklin
That is one solid steroids team. Some of you forgot Canseco pitched in a game?
Round 3 all my dear sportsnuttz. Buckle your seatbelts cuz you are about to go for a ride. HA HA! Here are the lovely topics thought up by the Ryan Seacreast of blog contest's meestah detroitsports himself.
1. Which athelete do you idolize the most and why?
2. If you could live with only 1 sport, what would it be and why?
3. Of these four people, Wayne Gretzky, Hank Aaron, Joe Montana, or Michael Jordan, who do you think made the biggest impact on his sport?
1. My truest awnser has already been blogged about here on MAy 26th. You can read it by scrolling down a couple blogs. But since I do not want to submit old material, here is my next choice.
Satchel Paige. I don't know much about him since I was not alive when he played, but what I do know is astonishing. He was an unstoppable force in the #### leagues posting records such as 21 straight wins and 64 consecutive scoreless innings. Unthinkable stats. He played year round not like today's 200 inning weenies, and even famously pitched in 29 games in one month. He pitched year round traveling to the Carribean leagues during the #### League off-season. He had one goal in mind and that was to pitch in the Major Leagues. The showman not only overcame racism but was pitching at age 42 and had an ERA of 2.48 in his first season with the Indians and in his 6 seasons had a career ERA of 3.29.
Joe Dimaggio considered him the "best and fastest pitcher I ever faced."
I can not imagine the trials Satchell went through to accomplish his goals. But I can and do admire both the physical and mental strength he must have had to accomplish what he did.
Paige is a hero and Hall of Famer in every since of the word(s).
2. Soccer. Not only am I a firm believer that the World Cup is the greatest sporting event in the history of sporting events. But it is also the sport I am best at. So instead of being lousy at golf or below average at basketball I think I will go ahead and live a life of being good at soccer.
The negative is I would not be satisfied with just MLS so I would have to get Dish TV so I could watch the foreign leagues.
If it is just what sports I would want to just watch. There is nothing like the NFL. Sacks, endzone dances (hopefully), breaking tackles, cheerleaders. Football is the most entertaining sport in my book.
3. Michael Jordan. Not only did he change basketball but the landscape of sports media as we know it. He is his OWN BRAND. His logo is known around the world. The NBA is a billion dollar industry. High schoolers can sign 90 million dollar shoe deals before even stepping on an NBA court. The NBA and basketball as a whole went from a niche sport to being one of the most popular sports in the world.
Tony Parker, Dirk Nowitzki, Emanuel Ginobili, Yao Ming, and more are in the NBA because Michael Jordan was a global super star. He not only had the biggest impact on his sport but a massive impact on marketing, media, world relations, and all sports.
He also improved relations with the universe. Lets not forget Space Jam. "His Airness" played against aliens for goodness sakes. Jordan truly did change the are galaxy.
Alright ladies and gentlemen my millions of readers worldwide. the Sportsnutt is in round 2 of Detroitsports incredibly prestigous writing contest. A load of topics this time around. Tuff tuff questions.
1. If you could take away any sport which one would it be and why.
2. You could go into the past and meet with someone who would it be?
3. If you played in a sport, what postition would you want to play at?
1. My first thought was to give hockey the axe. Why? Well I can't say I missed it while it was gone last year. But the Miracle Ice was special, this postseason has had may madness upsets, and I loved playing roller hockey as a kid.
Then I realized this might have to be an easy one. POKER. If there was no poker than there would be NO poker on TV. Which is what I really hate. I don't hate playing poker I just hate the poker television invasion. I wan't to WATCH action on ESPN or FSN not a fat guy in sunglasses debating for 15 minutes whether or not he is going to call.
2. This is an easy one. See I have a whole game plan thought out. I figure if I can go into the past then I probably have the technology to bring whoever back into the future with me. So here is my plan. I will get my sports agents liscense. You can get one online for like $1000 bucks. I will get some pictures of honey's way hotter than Delilah. I will go back to Bible times and meet Samson. You know the guy with the long hair that tore apart a lion with his barehands and could destroy villages all by himself.
Then I would show him some pics of potential Delilah replacing chicks to get him to sign a contract with me. Take him back to the future and imagine the possiblilities. You thought "Bo knows everything." Imagine Samson. He would make Bonds look little, Ray Lewis look gentle, and Ron Artest look normal. I am talking about a multi-sports mega star.
Think of the advertising dollars I would make alone. Johnny Damon didn't cut his hair for a season or two. Samson didn't cut his hair ever. I am talking Billion Dollar deals. Drew Rosenhaus and ol BoreASS will feel broker than broke compared to me. I won't need any other clients so I will seem like the nice gentle Jerry Maguire type.
"Samson help me, help you."
The best part of this idea is in the end I am going to STICK it to the YANKEES. After a few years will go for the gusto. A multi billion dollar guaranteed deal with the Yankees. Samson will show up with a fresh new hair cut and suddenly not be able to pick up a bat. I can't wait to see the BOSSES face when that happens.
3. My favorite sport is soccer. I play in some local leagues and get the joy of scoring goals and such. So even though that was my first choice I thought. Nah I am already decent with that. Lets just be happy with my ability to play at a good high school level. If I am going to play any position I want to be an NBA small forward. Fast high flying 6'8 super athlete. I will dunk on fools and laugh at normal people that are my (REAL) height. I will work harder than most of the lazy NBAers making my mix of atleticism and work ethic a near impossible force to stop. I will rally hard to get on the Cav's so I can ride the coattails of Lebron to a number of NBA titles. And then when he retires and the next Lebron comes along I will get myself air time by saying how much better the next Lebron is than the old Lebron was at that same stage.
