Ok buckle your seatbelts and enjoy the best list in the history of the planet. Its going to be a bumpy ride full of excitement and controversy, but ladies and gentlemen here it is your top 10 sports derrieres.
10. Derek Jeter I am no Yankee fan, but lets be honest, no shortstop has made as many hardcore baseball fans out of once uninterested moms, sisters, girlfriends, and wives. Jeter's moneymaker not only brings in the fans but brings in the rings. One clutch derriere starts this list off.
9. Mia Hamm Americans are hesitant to embrace two things in life - soccer and women's sports. This didn't stop Hamm from becoming a major American sports icon, leading U.S. women to World Cup glory and snagging herself a shortstop of her own. Jeter has the rings but Nomar's got Mia's ... Hamm.
8. Danica Patrick Ever been on a long road trip? If you have you know that as the miles pile on your bumper gets tired and sore. With that fact in mind it is even more amazing that Danica rides on against the men's top Indy racers. It is only a matter of time until Danica and her trunk find themselves toughing out a victory lap against the boys.
7. Cecil and Prince Fielder I guess a homerun swing really is all in the jeans. Prince can thank his dad for inheriting a rump that blasts out the long balls. This new booty might not even have to take the family "Field" trip to Japan.
6. Nancy Lopez It is not a pretty site but this old school rump shaker gets a birdie for consistency and sheer mass.
5. Maria Sharapova Unlike another bombshell blonde tennis star, this girl actually wins. It is a good thing too, because when you win, we all get to stare... I mean watch you play alot more matches.
4. Shaquille O'neal You thought that Kobe and Wade were the sidekicks that helped Shaq get four rings. Wrong. The only sidekick Shaq needs is his Diesel fueled mid-rear engine.
3. Ronaldo It takes a powerful behind to get the President of Brazil calling to find out how much excess meat your hauling. But that is exactly what happened withe World Cup's all-time leading scorer - Fat Ronaldo. While the world worries about the size of Ronaldo's butt, his coach just keeps playing the superstar and watching his butt... kick!
2. Serena Williams When Serena and her kuzunga are in full-effect they are the most unstoppable force in the history of women's tennis. Serena's booty is so mighty it makes J-Lo's bon-bon shake. Even the US Army knows where Serena is hiding her weapon of #### destruction. Congrat's Serena you own the number two spot on the list and the numer one amongst all the women.
1. Charles Barkley The "Round Mound of Rebound" carved out a Hall of Fame NBA career with a "mound" that could box opponents twice his height. This tank #### provided power, balance, and surprising hops. Sure Barkley's derriere had a great NBA career, but what is more impressive is that it also following that success with another successful career. Barkley is now making good dough talking out of his butt. Now that is one talented derriere.
NGS 2 Assignment 1. Write about an athlete. Any athlete! Broader than broad.
Ok you caught me. No ####y stars under the avatar so you can't vote for me I am not a finalist. But before you leave, stay awhile.
I have to say the first assignment stuck in my head for a couple hours. Then I moved on, but days later after reading some of the finalists blogs and wondering who I would choose to write on.... it hit me.
There is only one great athlete worthy of writing this on. He can't dunk a basketball, park one over the fence, and has never had a hole in one. He didn't play in pro, semi-pro, or even college anything. His best sport (horse racing) he gave up at a young age because he had a kid and I never even got to see him do that. He did win some money at bars for arm wrestling, but gave that up early too. As a matter of fact I can and do beat him in just about every sport, but he keeps coming back for more. And I make this guy look silly. Were talking dribbling a basketball between his legs, juggling a soccer ball over his head, or driving my golf ball a mile past his.
But the man presses on.
By now maybe you know who this guy is. Maybe you stopped reading because my athlete isn't athlete at all just my dad. I can here you know screaming or just thinking "Not a cheesy dad blog can't you wait a few weeks tell fathers day." Well maybe it is cheesy but I don't care. This my imaginary NGS2 assignment and this is who I choose.
Besides this athlete has player coached for years. Little league baseball, All-Star soccer champions, and last place soccer teams.
We have all seen or heard about the abusive pee-wee coach who screams at his kids and then yells at the parents "you don't like it you take over." Well how many of you are lucky enough to have the dad who never played soccer and still decided "ok I'll take over." 18 years later his son is married and his daughters could give a rip about soccer but he is still coaching. Volunteering for one of the worst high school soccer teams in the state. You know the one that has no JV or freshman team its just whoever trys out not only makes it but starts.
But the losing doesn't get to him.
Maybe he is immune from losing to me in just about everything since I was 12. Or maybe its that he knows it really isn't about winning.
The other day I broke 80 golfing for the first time. I shot a 76. The first person I called was my dad. We haven't golfed together in over a year. He was as excited about my 76 as he would have been about his 76. The first thing he thought of saying was "well I better get by clubs out so you can whoop me at golf too."
Maybe he draws his strength from his one incredible winning streak. Its a little like Josh Gibsons homeruns. No one has an official count but we know it is way way up there.
See as long as I have been alive my dad has never lost a wrestling match. The arena is the living room carpet and the wrestlers are usually me against my dad - ocassionally one of my friends may become a victim. The result is always the same. Mom and sisters and now wife giggling on the couches or somewhere near by while my dad pins me or makes me say "uncle." My dad was a state wrestler in high school and I wrestled for a few months in third grade. Between his perfect blend of experience and old man strength I always end up with rug burns, tweaked body parts, and in a little bit of embarassment.
But for the first time the streak is in jeopardy. Last time we wrestled we went three rounds before calling it a draw. And now between his age and all the time I spend in the gym I know I can beat him. And also for the first time I don't want to beat him. I have no problem creaming him in every other sport, but for some reason I don't wan't the day to come where I can pin my dad. At first I didn't know why. But now I suppose it is the same reason Giants fans don't want to admit Bonds did steroids, or Bulls enthusiast turn there heads at Michael Jordan's run with the Wizards.
See I don't want to admit that my sports hero is mortal after all.
Barbaro suffers a tragic fracture in running of the Preakness.
Barrett gives Pierzynski a wake up punch.
9 games in a row without a homer for Bonds and we all knew it was coming, but you couldn't help but hope it never would. Now the chase for Henry Aaron's record begins. We can only hope it stands. Aaron's is the most legit record of them all anyway. No roids, not an all white league, Aaron did it clean and against the best. Josh Gibson homers in the #### league are as legitimate as Ruth's in the white league and Bonds on roids. So all I can hope is that Aaron hangs on.
Watching the Preakness was tough. And not just because I lost money on an office pool. I had Bernadini and paid extra for Barbaro and traded dini. My trade seemed to curse Barbaro and I feel very bad about it. Nothing worse than seeing such a beautiful horse pull up lame. Sad. I hope he does not become glue and can make a glorious comeback studding.
Good luck Barbaro!
Then what about that punch Michael Barrett threw. At first glance I thought it was WAY uncalled for. But after a few takes he probably gave Pierzynski what he deserved. AJ tackled Barrett AFTER he dropped the ball, then SLAMS the plate and then while heading to the dugout gives Barrett one last dip of the shoulder. IF I was Barrett and had just been mowed I might have socked AJ too. I think he will get about 30 games but I hope he gets less. AJ will probably get 5 to 10, but I would like to see him get 10-15. I think all pro sports need to start punishing the instogators more. Ben Wallace got 5 games in the famous Palace brawl and he created the WHOLE thing. And I am a Pistons fan!
Anyway a pretty good brawl. Should make for another interesting game tomorrow.
Bonds I hope you struggle to hit 715.
Barrett good luck with a small suspension.
And Barbaro I hope a long life of great sex is ahead of you.
I just struck out looking. Or dropped the ball or something of that sort. Less than 24 hours after pumping up the Guaransheed pistons victory I am going to have to do some back tracking double talk... I hate doing that. I'd much rather be right all the time but turns out...
I DONT KNOW ANYTHING!!!
I thought the Pistons was as sure as a bet as there is. I know Lebron is filthy but the Pistons knew what they were doing and the first 2 games gave me a tidal wave of confidence heading to Cleveland. I am not crawling away now I still think the Pistons are taking it... but... but... I have to give credit to the Cavs, the fans in Cleveland, and to Lebron. Lebron is doing it all- a near triple double and a side serving of defense. I won't compare him to you know who but he is looking more and more like you know who.
One thing about you know who is he put other stars past him. John Starks may be his most memorable rival. Even Magic Johnson's Lakers got crushed in 5 games. And didn't we see the same thing happen to Gilbert Arenas. Gilbert played tremendous in that series but Lebron was just a lil better. In the end Arenas will not remembered for being a scorers duel with Lebron but for missing 2 free throws in game 6 and getting burned on the baseline for the game winner in game 5. Forget that Gilbert had just put his team up 1. Its old news. Guys like Lebron make other players remembered for what he did to them or forgotten altogether.
Speaking of Gilbert
He was playing poker at halftime of games?? I can not for the life of me get away from poker. I used to love poker and played all the time in college. We would play all the silly games acey duecey, 5 card draw or stud, 7-27, 2-4-6, hold em - everything. I loved it. I wasn't unstoppable but always one of the better players and I liked that. At the very beginning of this Hold Em take over the world phase we started playing nothing but Hold Em. Great it has always been my best game and I started winning more and more money off my friends. Then a funny thing happened. Poker was on TV, then online, then every one was playing at work, celebrity poker, nobody poker, poker world series, books on poker, tapes on poker, Hold Em this Hold Em that.
Poker was in my dreams it haunted me when I did well and it haunted me when I did bad.
Worst of all was the "poker stories." You know the ones, the ones everyone in the world starting telling you or someone next to you. "Then bam he catches the flush on the river." "Of course I had pocket rockets" "He goes all in with 4, 7 off-suit and flops a full house."
I dont care.
I don't want to see bugs bunny in an animated poker tournament on cartoon network, Idon't wan't to here how you lost to someone way worse than you - don't be so shocked it is gambling- I don't want to read about it, I don't even wan't to write about it. But here I am doing just that.
Speaking of not knowing anything
De La Hoya just smoked Mayorga. The Golden Boy once again looked bad. And if you would have asked me a week ago what I thought would happen in a DLH vs. Pretty Boy Floyd fight. I would have laughed. Mayweather will whoop him like has everyone else. What about the weight difference? Ha its nothing but a number to PBF! He is quicker, badder, and smarter than any boxer in the world right now.
But now that weight is looking a little scarier. Floyd is getting a long way away from his earlier fights against other small guys like Corrales and Castillio. When does the weight catch up to you? And DLH is no punk. Sure he sang for a while and sissyfied himself, but when he is focused and in the ring he is a tough hombre. De La Hoya has taken some punches from guys alot bigger than PBF like Vargas, Mayorga, and Mosely. He has swapped punches with guys like Tito, been humbled by judges and Bernard Hopkins. This is a smart seasoned vet who also has a weight advantage. It would not only be a HUGE money fight but a huge test for both fighters. And now I have to say I dont know who would win.
JC
Thanks JC for carrying the SportsNUTTZ banner as of late.
I am kinda bummed that the Guaran-Sheed didn't come to fruition last. Sheed's my boy, and I take everything the man says as the gospel truth. But he didn't foresee his own injury, made worse by his own poor 3-13 shooting and no relief at all from the bench (7 points TOTAL!).
I guess Sheed and his team just weren't "feeling" the guarantee, and I don't blame them. It was a lame guarantee. As for as their teams go, Cleveland isn't in the same league as Motown. It would be like Vince McMahon predicting higher ratings and PPV sales than TNA (or the old WCW). It would be like Phil Hellmuth promising to bust Steve Dannenmann. On one side, you have a history of excellence and dominance, and on the other side you have the inferior. It's not really going out on a limb, Sheed. Next time, make a guarantee against a high-caliber squad (Heat, Spurs, or Mavs). Or if you're stuck with another #### opponent, guaran-sheed a sweep.
The Pistons must be like me, and their hearts just aren't in it right now. I'm just not that pumped about the NBA playoffs at this point. And I LOVE the NBA. Yet, ever since halftime of Game 7 between LA and Phoenix, I just haven't cared as much. (I got this same "letdown" feeling in the NCAA Tourney...pumped and excited for nearly every game, everyday...until the Huskies from UW were #### by the refs and lost to the Huskies from UConn. From that point, not much else mattered.) Kobe = ratings. Period. You don't ever see the Clips or the so-called MVP Steve Nash on Christmas day, do you? Yet the NBA always makes sure everyone opens their gifts under the tree with Kobe on their TV's year in and year out. Phoenix and the other LA team are squared in a 2-2 series, yet game 5 isn't must-see for me. It'll probably take an elimination game to finally peak my interest.
Suns vs Kobe was DRAMA in the 1st round, but everything since has been a snooze. A Detroit/Miami conference final rematch is much anticipated...can the Cavs and Nets PLEASE let us see that series start now!?! And I hope the Mavs can finish the job versus the Spurs. I've been overloaded with them and Eva Longoria for the past 2 years because they made it seem like 10. Like JC is pulling for a De la Hoya/Mayweather boxing spectacular, all I am just looking for from the NBA playoffs is another classic confrontation.
D and I get into this all the time. He isa big LB supporter and credits him for guiding the Pistons to the Ship. while I have to give him SOME credit for that I give the BULK of the off court credit to Joe Dumars. Adding Sheed is what put the Pistons over the top.
I basically despise Larry Brown. Why? The same reason I despise A-Rod. Disloyalty. LB has coached for 486,000 different NBA teams. And he #### 475,999 of them out of a bunch of money. Wearing Philly jersey's and snuggling with Iverson just to turn around and do the same thing in Detroit. Then lying to everybody and there mom about ending his career in Detroit while interviewing DURING the playoffs for other jobs. LB is what is wrong with sports today. Which is too bad because a lot of his coaching philosophies are what is right about sports today.
Now we are hearing rumours that LB is on his way out just one year after getting his "DREAM" Knicks job. That whole Knicks season was a disaster and Thomas, Marbury, and LB ALL deserved to live in that disaster. Oh and Jerome James and probably a couple other guys deserved it too. but I feel sorry for the rest of the team. Hopefully rookies like Frye and Nate Rob learned alot and won't be too scarred by this off season because they both have bright futures.
Starbury is the ANTI-Cassell he is the MOST OVERRATED point guard in the NBA - just like LB is the most OVERRATED coach!!! Maybe just maybe this will be the season that helps prove it.
Rasheed Wallace is at it again. Guaranteeing a win tonight and that they will not return to Cleveland. I say BIG DEAL!!?? I guaranteed that last week. So bring it Sheed!
I love me some sheed though. Who else guarantees and backs it up as often as he does. The Pistons were stuck in the Eastern Conference Finals until he pushed them over the edge. He is the perfect mix of crazy, tough, and cool. He has a bad rep for his on court technichals but remember it was Sheed in the famous paplace brawl that was the mature one policing both teams - no punches thrown by the salty vet. He is equally complete in his game as his fiery personality, one of the best defenders in the league, a good rebounder, great passer and can score from the post, off the dribble, and from behind the arc. Rasheed to me is one of the most underated players and leaders in the NBA.
Give the man his props - he is an entertainer, baller, and a leader. I won't go as far as to call him a role model though. So go get em Sheed. Do yo thing.
Props to Lebron in game 3... bringing back the famous Harold Miner aka Baby Jordan dunk and doing it in a playoff game. Too bad Sheed already put the stamp on this series!!!
Freedom of SPEECH... LEAVE THE MANS BLOG ALONE.... NBA needs to give the billionaire his 200K back. Bloggers of the world U.N.I.T.E.!!
Lets get a MILLION COMMENTS on this post and the NBA will know they need to give the man his MONEY back. A man's blog is his journal that he shares with the world. If you can get fined for a blog whats left in life. Protect our freedom.
Forget about the NBA playoffs in the Eastern conference. Lets just go ahead and say the Pistons are playing the winner of the Western conference. Why even dink around with these blowout series? Pistons are going to knock of the Cavs in 4 or 5 and then the Nets in 4 or 5.
R.I.P. to Earl Woods the loving father of Eldrick Woods. Some criticized him for having a big mouth and boasting about his son. To those FOOLS I say "shut yo trap." How many parents in this world over-boast about there children? EVERY GOOD PARENT!!! Thats how many. So if your son is actually one of the greatest golfers ever, is involved in charities, went to Stanford, and has inspired many races to play a game they never once thought of playing you might just compare him to Ghandi too! Earl Woods is ONLY guilty of being an extremely proud father. I tip my cap to Earl and send out prayers to the whole Woods family. And this is coming from a golf fan who usually roots against Tiger - underdog syndrome.
Thats it from me JC.
Hey yo...let the Filipino speak on dis. I, too, send out my condolences to the entire Woods fam. I am lucky that I haven't lost my dad yet, but can only imagine that it's pretty rough. To Elin, you are in my thoughts and I offer you a shoulder to cry on at anytime : )
As for the NBA, playoffs lost it's luster without the Lakers. Hate 'em or love 'em, KOBE = ratings. Nothing against Nash and his boys, but EVERYONE wanted an LA-LA Staples Center showdown. Too bad for David Stern and the league that this may never have a chance as good as this year for it to happen. And DON'T BLAME KOBE!!!! He was just trying to play "team-ball" and knew he'd get criticized for putting up a 50 spot. Blame Kwame Brown for going 2 for 10 (missing point-blank layins inside), Luke Walton for even attempting to shoot the ball and falling down like an #### under the basket, Devan George going scoreless and not doing his one and only duty in life: hit open 3s. Hopefully Phil will know better next year, get a better supporting cast, and let Kobe be Kobe.
I guess Kobe vs the Pistons Part II will have to wait another year. And if Kobe and the Shaq ever met in the Finals, each game would get ratings higher than the SuperBowl - no doubt. Kobe will do his part, so Shaq better do his.
Anyway, I am still love the NBA and look for the Pistons getting another 'ship against whomever from the West (anyone besides San Antone, please!!!!).
D
ok I am back. couple of thoughts. One d your dirty man. guy loses his dad and you mack on his girl. And I'll be the first to say not EVERYONE wanted an all LA series. I could care less about that and I am all about Nash. I love how you put no blame on Kobe... 1 point 2nd half of game 7 - nuff said. I will agree with you that I want anyone but the Spurs... There the new millenium Jazz... Ginobili big time flopper, Bruce "all over your body" Bowen, and boring superstars like the big fundamental - makes me want to take a nap just looking at him. Parker is cool though but even Eva is too bored to watch the Spurs lately.
as for the rest we are now officialy just a duel blog... we lost WHITEY... he was so WHITE he was invisible and you couldn't even read his stupid post.
I thought the Pistons was as sure as a bet as there is. I know Lebron is filthy but the Pistons knew what they were doing and the first 2 games gave me a tidal wave of confidence heading to Cleveland. I am not crawling away now I still think the Pistons are taking it... but... but... I have to give credit to the Cavs, the fans in Cleveland, and to Lebron. Lebron is doing it all- a near triple double and a side serving of defense. I won't compare him to you know who but he is looking more and more like you know who. 
Hopefully rookies like Frye and Nate Rob learned alot and won't be too scarred by this off season because they both have bright futures. 
Too bad Sheed already put the stamp on this series!!!
