Well Kris, at least now you can take consolation that Anna will not be your wife when she sleeps with all of your team mates. At least now you can concentrate on pitching. Repeat after me, "I look good enough, I am an athlete, and by golly I make enough money to attract another sexy bimbo..."
Bud Selig
Well Bud, even though Steroids are wrong and you turned a blind eye, now you appoint an independent investigator who will get to the bottom of the whole steroid issue, except that George Mitchell has more ties to baseball than you do. Once again you have shown your ineptitude! Or is it that you really just don't want the truth to come out. This investigator has already said that nothing will be done prior to 2002, (which is what I have been saying all along), because steroids were not banned from baseball until then. So repeat after me, "I am an ####, I will always be an ####, but because I do whatever the owners tell me to do, doggone it they like me…”
Dave Odom and USC Gamecocks
So Dave, after winning consecutive NIT titles, something only HOF Joe Lapchick has done, how does it feel?Especially after being snubbed by the NCAA selection committee even though your team advanced to the finals of the SEC tourney, do you feel vindicated?Your #### proved to be the biggest jocks in the NIT and I personally feel you were shafted.Repeat after me, “We were big enough, tall enough, and now we are pumped up…”
Duke Lacrosse Team
So you went out and hired a stripper, (OOPS, Exotic Dancer), and then got so drunk you decided to rape her.Not the brightest bunch for such a prestigious university.When all is said and done no one may be prosecuted from the team, but your actions caused your team to miss a chance at an NCAA title.Repeat after me, in unison, “We promise to keep our PRIVATE parties private and our private parts private, we promise to hold on to our balls, and we promise to never ever put our sticks where they don’t belong…”
So there you have it until this afternoon. I did not have time to do my affirmations for Barry Bonds, George Mitchell, or the NCAA selection committee, but I wanted to get these in before I actually start working today. Have a great weekend.
