Sunday's U.S. Open ended with a tie between Woods and Rocco.

"Yayyyy!  We have a Sudden Death Playoff, right now!"

Not so fast, young Jedi.  The U.S. Open settles ties with an 18 hole playoff the following day.

"What the F!  You mean I played hookey from the office on Thursday and Friday, becoming emotionally invested in this garbage, only to have my heart ripped out!  I have to go to work Monday!  I can't watch it!"

That's right.  You were hosed by the PGA and whoever is in charge of the U.S. Open.

"Wait, that means only hippies, bumbs and 12 year olds will be watching tomorrow!  The Q-ratings should be lower than 'Kobe sings Tupac's hits.'  What a waste of my heart strings."

That's right.  You'll be stuck on conference calls catching up on what you missed Thursday and Friday!

"This is not right!"

Tough, I told you that the Masters was the real tournament and all other Majors were second class!  At least the British Open features a great accent and grainy tv.

"I know, I should have listened to you, but I was watching a Danica Patrick promo and lost track. She's hot compared to those dude drivers."

So is your mother!

Don't worry.  Tiger will win because David Stern's posse has arranged for Rocco to dump shots short and right tomorrow.  Golf is rigged too!