As we type, another network is pushing a segment on Title Town.  Ok, them is fighting words, Vern.   This is as stupid as claiming which NCAA football conference is the best.  Several conferences need to travel TO bowl games instead of playing at home stadiums before the masses will offer total respect.  Remember the four-letter network's terrible "Who's Now" segment last year?  I'm still hosing down the living room to remove the stench.  This is more of the same refuse.

No city owns the Title Town moniker and plenty of fine citizens will offer to fight over the name.

Green Bay was ONCE known by that name; it's lame to make a claim to a name that has applied only ONCE since the late 1960's.  Let it go, Green Bay.  Be happy you still have an NFL franchise.  Los Angeles will be sniffing for an NFL team in a few years.

Please feel free to toss replies with team/franchise nicknames that really piziss you off.  Yes, I live in DFW; I grew up despising the Cowboys, since Pearson pushed off on the Hail Mary pass against my beloved Vikes!

What franchise do you hate and why?  Here are the leading contenders.

NFL-

America's Team!  That was a name created for a NFL FILMS video.  Tex Schramm and his Cowboys cronies jumped on it and the flea bag media and fans kept it going.  Hey!  Every sport needs a Dr. Evil franchise for everyone else to hate.  Philly fans should be happy it's not them the rest of the leagues hates and is jealous of, too.

In the 80's the SuperStation, TBS, a Turner commodity, attempted to bogart the name, America's Team, for the Braves.  Didn't work, did it.  How can a team from a city that can't build a freeway to loop the city be hated?  Well, unless Ray Lewis has a weapon, I'm not worried!

The New England Pats are rising on the hate charts, courtesy of the video camera and three, lame three point SuperBowl wins(?).

MLB-

The prissy Yankees and their astronomical payroll win in an uncontested match.  How can we not hate the Yankees!  It's as easy as ' A squared + B squared = C squared.'  The highest payroll in the western hemisphere can't buy titles any more.  I love it.  Red Sox fans, quit your crying.  You're the second most hated franchise in  MLB, since your 'Johnny come lately' fans have a huge sense of entitlement.  Go back to worshipping Dennis Leary, please.  Anyone know who's the daddy of A-Rod's kids? 

NHL-

Let's face it, Detroit is the bomb.  This is the Title Town of the NHL.   I respect the pizza franchise dictator's running of the Red Wings.   This only leaves teams with dirty players and that leaves Sean Avery, dirtbag-turd.  The NHL created a rule, during the playoffs because of this swine.   Wait, he just signed with the Stars.  Whoops!  I'm not impartial any more.  Fans are more jealous of the Red Wings than anything else.

NBA-

That's  beyond easy, since Kindergarten kids hate the Lakers.  There's nothing more to say.  At least the Police Blotter has not included Lakers lately.

MLS-

Psych.  The masses aren't watching.

Gentlemen, start your fisticuffs. 

The past week was filled with juicy sports stories and terrible news for MLB.  Here's the Week That Was.

A) MLB  Mrs. Clemens, Debbie, has admitted to using HGH before a swimsuit photo shoot.  I wonder where McNamee injected her.  Maybe she took something orally instead.  I can't wait for the public disclosure.  Can Roger's denial about steroids and HGH be believed if he had his wife injected?  Goodbye first ballot Hall of Fame!  Sit next to Barry on the Group W bench, please.   Buh-bye.   Andy P. dropped a dime on Roger.  Here's a shot of the two preparing their testimony.  Add your own punch line. 

2) NBA Mavericks trade for Jason Kidd has hit a snag and it involves: The Early Bird Exception!  That's a legit collective bargaining clause.  It seems to be a two year qualifying event instead of three.  Whatever!  I could write the specifics, but that would involve math and stuff.  It's the weekend, thank you.  The deal can be salvaged by repackaging the contract of Christian Laetner, Keith Van Horn or some other dead dude: I can't remember which.

D) MLB Kevin Mench, AKA Shrek, has signed a minor league deal.  Rangers fans, both of em', immediately bought six game ticket packages.  Kevin is known for his large head, which still is tiny compared to the Bonds cranium.  Shrek's cap size is 8 point something.  The competition will be fierce for the extra outfielder position.  The Mench bobblehead was truly that.

If you picked up on the numbering for the first three items, you're a fan of quotes from Home Alone.

7) NBA  The Basketball Hall of Fame finalists include likely entrants: Adrian Dantley, Patrick Ewing, Hakeem Olajuwan, a couple coaches and some foreign dudes I don't know.  Look for a name player to get hosed in favor o####irl who played Iowa High School basketball and scored 20 per game. 

Q) NFL  Pats fans will be on the defensive as a former Rams player and fans have filed a $100,000, 000.00 dollar federal lawsuit.  Seems they believe the Pats pattern of cheating is racketeering.  Sic em'!    Related to this is the NFL revelation that the Pats taped Steeler defensive coaches during four games from 2001-2004, which included two AFC Championship games.  The Pats won three of the four.  Yikes!  More fodder for the flames?

Red) NBA  The All Star game is on today or tonight.  Of all the major sport All Star games, this is the best and I'm not watching this joke, either.  There's no defense and bad shooting.  It looks like a High School JV game with the hot dogging.  The hilight is Charles Barkley's mouth.  I hope Strahan retires from the NFL soon.  We need him in the booth.

3)  NASCAR  Left Turn fans rejoice over the beginning of the 2008 season.  Yes, the Daytona 500 is finally here.  "Right Turn Clyde."    I do have one suggestion to the France family.  Move the race to the week before the Super Bowl.  We have nothing to do that week.  The ratings would rule.  I'll tune into the in progress race shortly.  It's hard to choose who I cheer for.  I know I'd like to hang with Tony Stewart and b-smack Kurt Busch.  Good times.

R) Ammo was on sale this week, so I'm a happy camper.  

Yes, it's now proven that God, father of the Lord almighty, hates the New York Yankees.  As many sports aficionados will remember with glee, on 10/5, God sent a fleet, covey, flock or whatever, of bugs to unleash his vengeance on the New York Yankees.   Insect specialists at the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, NE, have identified the bugs as Canadian Flying Ants.  OK, what the heck is Border Control doing.  Isn't this a department of Homeland Security!  How did millions of Canadians sneak across Lake Erie into Cleveland!  Better yet, how did I know it was Lake Erie?  The nickname, stupid, you know, Mistake on the Lake!

If you don't believe that God hates the Yankees, look at A-Rod's batting average in Yankees-Away-Playoff-Games.  That should be proof enough.  He's batting about 0.111.  Multiply that by six, the number of bug swarms sent 10/5,  and you have .666!    Sp-ooky.

Look out Bosox fans, here come the dreaded Yankees.

Just when you hoped the Evil Empire was dead, they climb out of the grave and come after you.

Now look in that mirror, see, there it is, right behind you, creeping up to steal your soul and end your cheers.

 Is it Godzilla?

What is that awful sight.

With 9 and 10 games remaining, respectively, the Bosox and Yankees are keeping it close, with Boston's 1.5 game lead.

The networks will be playing this up on FOXSPORTS and SportsCenter every night.  McNabb could throw for 600 yards and 12 touchdowns; it won't be the lead story.

The pencil necked geek analysts will scurry out of their gopher holes and tell us why this or that will happen, whether the team wants the 4 days rest or 5...yadda, yadda, yadda.

Still, the good news for Boston is the minimum impact of bad news.  Even if the Yankees do come in and steal the division title, the Sox will win the Wild Card.

Hey, what's that behind the car.  It looks like a ghost.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  It's the ghost of Bucky F'n Dent!!!!!!

Be afraid Boston, be very afraid.   JoshQPublic just order 12 Sammy's at the bar.

1.  What’s a Hemi?

It’s usually followed by roids and is expensive.  Insurance is an issue, too.

2.  What’s the proper time to mention a MLB pitcher is tossing a no-hitter?

Keep quiet until he has a complete game no-hitter, thank you.  Any time before that jinxes the pitcher; recently Boston was tossing a no-hitter, until the announcer mentioned it and two pitches later, the Rangers hit the ball into the bullpen.

3.  What kind of steroids/HGH is Bonds on?

Ask UltraMega.  He has novels of info saved on his hard drive.  He’ll also identify the lab that most likely produced the HGH.  He’ll be right, too.

Ultra has more info on steroids than George Mitchell, as well as the complete SoundGarden music collection.  Don’t forget to check out AudioSlave.  SoundGarden Album/CD cover at right.

4.  I’m going to a NASCAR for the first time.  What should I bring?

Patience, whiskey to barter with, and a catheter.

5.  Who is the NGS-Next Great Sportswriter going to be?

I have no idea, yet I’m sending Jim Beam to the Fox Admin dude.

6. What’s the difference between bloggers GR8ONE54 and GR8UN54?

ONE is cool and the other has a gambling Jones.

7. Why doesn’t the public embrace that Noah, basketball player from UFlorida?

Two Words!:  Bad wardrobe.

8.  What’s wrong with the Yankees this year!    

The Yankees S-U-C-K!   That was easy.

9.  When will Barry Bonds be loved by the masses?

There will be peace in the Middle East first.

10. My wife is screwing up my playuh’ habits.  What should I do?

Well, Alex, learn the phrase, “I want half.”  Stay away from the strippers.

11.  Is poker a sport?

Is it shown on ESPN and replayed for years?

12.  How does LISA4USC keep getting Blog Of The Day?

Good humor and a wicked awesome slider.

Bonus Question:

Who’s cuter, Ray Allen or Michael Jordan?   

Homey don’t play dat! 

Ask CarolynT.

It's time for a song.  Let's sing it together to the tune of The Brady Bunch.

                  Makes you wonder?

Here's the story, of an alleged doper

Who was using steroids and HGH.

All of them had side effects, like no other,

The last one was little nuts.

Here's the story of a company named Balco,

Who was busy with new drugs of their own,

They were illegal drugs, working together,

Yet they were barely known.

Till one day when Barry met this Balco

And they knew it was much more than a hunch,

That this group would all dope up together.                            

That's the was they became the Balco Bonds Bunch.

The Balco Bonds Bunch.

That's  the way they all became the Balco Bonds Bunch.

The Balco Bonds Bunch.

(Apologies to Sherwood Schwartz)

Bonds when he arrived at San Francisco           Bonds soon after

Shoe:    10.5                                              
                13(yeah, right)

Jersey:   42                                                
                52(muscle only?)

Hat         7 1/8                                               
             7 1/2

Reality.  The MLB's negotiated drug policy has not allowed blood tests which would show HGH and designer steroids.  Wink, Wink!  

I don't want to hear anything about "no tests have shown Bonds to be a doper."

Leave that logic to Dr. Evil.    

 "Barry is our love child with my head!"      

 "Don't mess with my baby boy!   Scott, come massage Mommy's bunions!"                       

NY Yankees pitching is just plain bad.

Yankees pitcher, Chase Wright, gave up Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back homers on Saturday night.  Wright was called up from Double A to pitch.  He's been optioned back to Double A.  Boston is teary eyed  for the send down.  Beantowners dig the long ball!

Today, the Yankees have reactivated Chien Min Wang from the disabled list after a leg/groin injury.  Chien and his $500,000.00 salary are scheduled to pitch in Florida tonight.

The starting Yankee rotation does NOT include DL listers Mike Mussina or Carl Pavano, whose combined salary is $21,000,000.00    That's big money to those of us not in the AL East.

In a few weeks, the Annual Roger Clemens Buy Me For a Prorated $25,000,000.00 auction will begin.  Ability or not Clemens makes baseball look bad with his annual antics.  Complain that poor Roger's body won't let him pitch a whole season.  This is all about Roger doing his best AnnaNicole impression to put his name in every sportscast.   The annual act is old, like Roger.

The Yankees will be standing in line early to hand in their Clemens bid.  Having lost out on Dice K, the Yankees need pitching yesterday.  Clemens is a known commodity and Steinbrenner will bid and bid high.  Adding Clemens means Boston doesn't have him.  That's like adding two pitchers.  I suggest also buying Dontrelle Willis from Florida.   Dontrelle's current salary of $6,5000,000 is far less than Clemens'.  The Yankees will need to add a few years to the contract.   Pay the man and give the Marlins whatever they ask.   Offer Dontrelle's newborn guaranteed enrollment in an exclusive Manhattan pre-school to close the deal.

The Yankees were once known for their farm system and pitcher development.  The past years have shown the decline. 

Stay tuned for more on SportsCenter starting May 15@ 6am, 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am, etc.   The NYPost will update you daily.

It's springtime.   NCAA Basketball and the Masters are over.   Hopefully, by June the NBA and NHL playoffs will be complete.

You know wha that means!

ESPN and FOX hire additional staffers, who have always lived in the New England/NY area, to talk about what they will force down the throats of sports fans for the next six months.  Yankees vs. Sox.

Here we go again.  Non stop, till the end of  World Series, it's SportsCenter, leading off with the lastest Jeter/A-Rod love triangle.   The crowd chants Jee-tuh, Jee-tuh, and on the network feed it's Alex crying and asking, "When will I be loved!"

FOXSports will fan the same flames, feeding us drivel about Dice-K and his translator's parallel parking issues.  Tim McCarver will rent a Kia or Hyundai and show us how to parallel park, all the while, talking down to the viewer.

Whatever the MLB network contract limit is for national telecasts of one team, rest assured that the Yankees will max it out, and a way will be found for every Yankees vs. Sox game to be broadcast nationally.

There are twenty something other MLB baseball teams out there, not counting KC; we don't hear about other teams, unless a player is busted for DUI or caught in a Yugo with a transvestite-midget-hooker-wrestler.(Thanks Eddie Murphy.)

The reality is that the majority of baseball fans don't care or are sick of  the Yankees and Red Sox.  Ever heard of over exposure?  Have you listened to an East Coaster complain about the starting time of West Coast games?  It's comical. "Cricket and I had to stay up till 2am to see the Yankees beat Seattle 27-0.  How do those West Coasties stay up so late?  Is it the coffee?  We watched Seinfeld during commercials."

It's humerous when any Red Sox fan mentions the unfairness of the Yankees payroll, which is the highest in the Western Hemisphere.   The Red Sox, historically, have the second highest.  Hey Boston, relocate and force reallignment!

Game on!

Make me pick a team and I'll cheer for Boston, every time, because they're not New York, home of the media and network control.

Calgon take me away!