When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the starting QB bonds which have connected them with another receiver, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of bloggers requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation from the rest of the division.

(If you don't know the source obtuse paragraph , please don't vote in November.)

Start singing now...

Backup QB Jones, I got Backup QB Jones
Got Backup Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-oo

Yes, I am the victim of a Backup QB Jones
Ever since I was a little baby, I always be throwing behind the receiver
In fac', I was de passer in the whole neighborhood
Then one day, my mama bought me a football
And I loved that football
I took that football with me everywhere I went
That football was like a football to me

I even put that football underneath my pillow
Maybe that's why I can't sleep at night
I need help, ladies and gentlemens
I need someone to stand beside me
I need, I need someone to set a screen for me at the line of life
Someone I can pass to
Someone to hit the open man on the hook and ladder
And not end up in the popcorn machine
So cheerleaders, help me out

{cheerleaders sing repeatedly...}
(football Jones, I got a football Jones)
(I got a football Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-ooo)

{while Tyrone Shoelaces sings/speaks...}
Oh, that sounds so sweet
Sing it out
C'mon Coach Booty, Red Blazer, sing along with me
That be bad, h-onky
Yeah
I want everybody in the whole stadium to stand up and sing with us
Oh yeah, sing it out like you're proud
All right, everybody watchin' coast-to-coast, sing along with us
Tony Romo, sing along with us
Jerry Jones, sing along with us
JokersWild, don't sing nothin'

Oh, it feels so good
Gimme the ball
I'll go down the field, against the world, left-handed
I could force it from the pocket with my toes
I could jump on top of the pocket, take off a quarter, leave fifteen cents change I
could, I could pitch behind my back I got more moves than Ex-Lax I'm bad I could
pass with my tongue Here I go down the field, try to stop me You can't stop me 'cause I
got a football Jones Here I come That's shovel pass with my eyebrow Yeah, I could
dunk it with my nose I'm, I'm bad as King Kong, gimme the ball I'm hot, I'm hot as...,
I'm hot as..., I'm hot as... uh Uh, uh, uh, uh...

Any team losing their starting QB will break the fans' hearts.  Rarely does a backup step in and succeed.  The few that do soon have a hot, model/actress girlfriend who's jumping on the bandwagon and new starter.

Get out your forks, the Cowboys are slow cooking and will be served with a nice brownsugar based barbeque sauce.

Next up, Lisa H and the the USC Song Girls will lead us in "I got a pinkie for sale" to the tune of the Talking Heads - "I got love for sale."

Here's a little sum'pin sum'pin I found on eBAY.

When Kobe leaves the Lakers, it's not needed any more..

_____________________________________________

2004 Chevy Shorty School Bus-Big Mofo      Item number: 300120-666
          Manufacturer Date 07-14-2004
 
 
Current bid:      US $10.00              Place Bid, Fool!     Cli
 
                                             

 KobePal Account Required
 Get low financing from KobeMotors

End time:          2 days 3 hours 17 mins (Jun-24-07  Whenever PDT)
 
Shipping:          You buy it, you drive it home!  I want this pig gone.
 
Sells to:             Whatever fool wants to pay!     NO RESERVE
 
Item location:   Out back of Staples Center
 
History:               3 bids
 
High Bidder:      Kazaam Big Diesel Aristotle Reserve Deputy
 
You can also:   Get alerts via NBA Text Messaging
_________________________________________________ 

 
Description

 Vehicle Description
This smoothe ride features sports history.
The interior's  been wiped down ...no fingerprints.
It's the bus I ,er, someone used to throw Shaq under, forcing his 'trade' to Miami.
As an added bonus, I will furnish laboratory documentation certifying authenticity of Shaq's DNA in the front, driver's side tire.

I love my wife, Vanessa!  I got you another ring!

That's the actual size, honey!

I love Chicago, too.  Always have, always will.

NO RETURNS OR REFUNDS.
I will accept an exchange if you become president of my fan club.

If all you got is a Bulls jacket, I'll consider trading for that...haven't seen one since 1998.
 
Long Live Tupac!

Thanks from the Kobe family and hotel concierges everywhere.  

____________________________________

Curlin won the Preakness by a nose, which is about 12 inches if you're a horse or saw the replay.

The payout was $8.80 on a $2 bet.

I picked Street Sense to win; I didn't bet the race since the odds s-u-c-k-e-d.    I won't take virtually even money on a favorite, ever.  Too many bad things happen.   Since I didn't bet the race, I bet myself I could drink two beers from the start to the end of the race.  I still got it!

I don't expect many to respond to this instant BLOG and I don't care.  Yet, I know Nostradamus will be here.

Some of us were fortunate enough to grow up near a track.  In my case, it was Ak-sar-ben(Nebraska spelled backwards...rocket science from the Midwest and a popular Johnny Carson comment).  The track used to have the largest mutuel handle in the nation, yet wasn' regarded as a national player.  It was in Omaha, NE.  I worked in a sporting goods wholesaler/retalier while in college and was fortunate enought to have plenty of doggy owners, er, racehorse owners come into the store and talk about their horses.

The first track bet I ever made was on the Maiden Race for a gelding.  She went off at 40-1.  I bet $50 on her twenty years ago.  She won.  You do the math.   The owner said the horse set an unofficial track record.  I mentioned this to the lawyer(####)brother of my best friend.  Suddenly, I had lawyers calling me at home for racing tips.  My Dad laughed his A-S-S off and my Mom was concerned.

Right there, I was hooked on horse racing(not harness racing, which is fixed...hahahahaha).  When I hit that first bet, I went home and dropped $100 dollar bills in my Dad's hands, telling him that I was re-paying him for paying my college tuition.  I told Dad that I would always pay him half of my winnings to pay for college. 

You can watch movies about the racetrack and you'll laugh, yet the stereotypes are correct.  Plenty of fools are hyping a horse they don't bet on.  They're trying to increase their odds.  That's the real world.

When I did graduate, the track had paid for my 4 years of college and I was proud every time I brought my Dad cash.  I know he was really happy.  I still remember the first and only time my Dad poured me a drink of Whiskey, three fingers and three ice cubes.  His advice was priceless.  "Put the same effort into becoming a better man as you have into paying Mom and I for your college."

Since then, I have loved horse racing.

I've gambled on Quarter Horses in Vinton, LA.  I'm so ashamed.

To this day, I watch every Triple Crown race, hoping that some lucky horsey will win the big enchilada....all three races.

It's become apparent that winning the Triple Crown is harder than winning Back To Back NCAA Football National Championships.

This year, no horse will win the Triple Crown, again.

Numerous news outlets are reporting that Ricky No-Seeds Williams has tested positive for Marijuana again.

This will disqualify the known doper from NFL reinstatement.

Is anyone really shocked by this?

Hopefully he can fall back on his anticipated career as an aroma the#### or massage representative.  (the site just bleeped the word t-h-e-r-a-p-i-s-t)

Add Culpepper's anticipated absence from the Dolphins this year and we have a franchise in transition.

With the multi-million dollar signing bonuses, some NFL low-lifes have enough to retire on at their original contract signing.  There's no need to honor the legal contract and perform.

It's time for Ricky to be purged from all media discussions.

Calgon take me away!

Hey Gogo, I forgot this before.
If you're a Chi town lifer, even it's only 14 years, here's the skivy on Chicago from outside Chicago.

Non-Chicago sports fans regard Chicago as the crazy uncle of sports towns.  No overall love or hate of the teams .  We just accept you, since sportswise, Chicago is rarely threatening to our teams.  Jordan and his pushoffs have retired.  The Bears will probably slide south in 2007.   The teams are good enough without sucking like the Islanders or Az Cardinals.  We don't pity you.

Chicago did give us the Blues Brothers and mini-Ditka.  Enough reason to love your town right there.  I'll even add John Candy.  Chicago is the big, friendly dog of towns. 

Everybody loves big, friendly dogs.
(If I said big, fat, friendly guys, someone would have been offended, so there.)

On the other hand, the oversaturated, overrated Cubs are constantly thrust at us like your wingman shoves his recent date's 'nice personality chick friend' on you at bar closing time...and you have no intention of smacking face with her or walking home.  (Hold on I gotta take a breath after that phrase.)

Real men work and can't go to daytime games, so the Cub fans are therefore, hippies,  rich or twelve.  Some are all three, curse them to heck.
The Cubs leave a poodle feeling with their yuppie, bandwagon, 'Cubbies'  name and "Woo hoo, we don't have tickets, so let's stand outside the stadium and get on TV." 

Get jobs, hippies.  Pay some taxes.

Add the positive and negative together and you have..."Ok, I don't like or hate Chicago, they're kind of in the middle, like where they are on the east/west map."

If you're 14 and need an explanation, ask your dad.  Dads are cool, you won't figure that out till you're #### #### broke and out of college.

Dad'll gladly explain. 

Ask about the birds and bees now vs. when you knock up Eliziabeth Elaine Szczpanski in high school, after your 'first' time.
Trust me on that.

 
I need a martini...
Better yet, ask Ozzie about this Chicago thing, just be prepared to bring a Spanish/English dictionary when he cusses you out. 

Watch his hands, too.  He's pretty demonstrative.  You might just get smacked.
Check him for a shiv, too.  Got a metal detector?
Last thing.  Don't take Elizabeth Elaine with you when you go to meet Ozzie.
One of those #### Sox players will take her away from you. 

The United States is the Galapagos Island of sports.

Euro Guide to why soccer is not important here.

As we grew as a nation, so did our desire to play  and watch sports.   We created new sports and they evolved in unique nature.  This infuriates some, still.

The seasons dictated the creation of new sports for every season and the male culture said, "booh yah."   The weather has always impacted where the better outdoor teams are located.  The south dominates NCAA baseball.

The result of sports passion was an evolution, far away from the origins of europe and asia.

Basketball was created by a Canadian, Naismith, in America.  The world plays basketball.

Football evolved from rugby and became the national passion.  This is a tough export.

Baseball came along and is nicknamed "the national past time."  This is a passion in many countries of the Americas.  The Japanese pro leagues are fantastic.

Hockey still holds its european origins.  We hijacked plenty of Canadian teams to the southern United States, and a northern U.S. team, too.   Team rosters are filled with Canadians and Euros.   We don't care where the player is from as long as our team wins.

NCAA sports balooned with the growth of the nation and the desire for more sports action.   Many alumni/booster Clubs control university sports hiring and firing.  Even hockey has womens teams now and is an Olympic event. 

Professional Wrestling evolved constantly.  Wrestling 'franchise' owners went before Congress and declared it to be an entertainment industry, not a sport, just to keep the government out.  I'll give you two words why you should watch wrestling:  Torrie Wilson.  A bikini clad girl or hot cheerleader never hurt a sport.

Radio fueled the sports expansion, later replaced by television, which was complemented by the explosion of sports on cable television.

We go to football games and yell at the opponent's fans.

We attend baseball as a kind of social event and talk to those around us.

Basketball fills the blogs every day and the playoffs go on forever.

We have sports for all seasons and something is always on cable.

Add Fantasy(name a sport) and it's 24/7 sports.

Thanks to Fox Sports and ESPN's many channels, we never go without our sports.

I remember Sunday mornings after church.  We watched the regional wrestling matches with names that later became national.  Look at the evolution of wrestling.  It went from small time gyms into a multi-million dollar industry. 

Soccer never had  a chance.  Why? The best athletes chose the other major sports instead.  Add parental pressure to play one of the 'real man' sports as a reason soccer is trailing and doesn't have a strong footprint on the masses.

Fathers and sons bonded discussing sports, listening to baseball on the radio and watching on black and white television.  My dad explained why the Mick was so great, and he didn't understand why I liked Sal Bando.  He accepted me anyway.

Our sports are in our genes and run deep in our blood.

Count the number of sports jerseys you have.  I have NCAA Football, NCAA  Baseball, NHL,  NFL, even FIFA jerseys for Deutschland and Argentina.  Why those soccer jerseys?  Because they look cool, that's why.

Sport is international.  I was stopped in the street of Paris and asked about the Dallas Stars, because of my ballcap.  We talked NHL hockey at a cafe,   Some Germans at Oktoberfest knew who the Huskers were and asked about the Thanksgiving Friday game with Oklahoma.  Still, they also asked if Texas was filled with people like JR Ewing.

People pick and choose which sport they want to love, regardless of  their home continent.  That's not going to change.  The U.S. has created new sports and exported them to the world.  It's time for a couple new sports to be created.  February is a slow sports month compared to the rest of the year.