Ok Boston Celtics, this seven game series garbage has got to stop!

Atlanta AND Cleveland took the Celtics to the mat.  The cream of the 2008 NBA has stunk up the joint in two playoff series that should never have been as competetive.  Boston played down to the level of their opponents.  Yes, Cleveland is far superior to Atlanta, yet Cleveland wouldn't see the playoffs if they were in the West. (Hold the hate mail.)

Shocking in today's Game 7 was the point total.  Both teams actually sniffed at 100 points.  That was the heart stopper for me.  Instead of watching the final minutes bored to tears at the brick laying, I paced the floor with a beer, then another.

Since when are players allowed to JUMP ON TOP OF opponents for a loose ball.  You can't go through a dude for a rebound, so what's up with that!  Two memorable loose ball exchanges resulted in a double technical and a double date.  There were more peeps laying on top of each other than at an Indigo Girls concert.  All that was missing was George "Scrap Iron" Skadaski or Ivan "The Polish Hammer" Putski!

Maybe this dude can make a shot and play D!

Hey Celtics, I've followed you guys for years and it's time for you to act like the East champs.  It's too late for the garbage ball because the Pistons have been licking their chops waiting for you to bring your poor road play to their house.   Who'd think that you could be b-slapped around by punk teams this playoff season.  Today's Game 7 was far too close and you won't get another weak opponent.  Step it up against Detroit or be crushed! 

Ainge, get your butt down to the floor and give these guys a pep talk.  Tell stories about your days vs. L.A. and playing with a great squad.  Do something to motivate these fools!  That tiny Most Valuable Executive trophy you received isn't worth squat if you lose.  I have one just like it at the office and so do plenty of other dudes.  If anyone wants one, they retail @ $29.95!  Who will remember your 40 win improvement over last year if you continually play like a rec league team in the playoffs.  Every other team is hungry and you're getting by on your 2007-8 wins rep.  It's over baby.  Step it up or get the fishing reels ready!

Play ball!

Seven NBA Championship rings sum it up. 

     x 7  Can You Dig It!!!!!!

Robert Horry is the only non-Celtic, circa 1960, to earn 7 rings.

        EQUALS ?         

A classic big body defender, Horry cemented his reputation for the big shots, and was appropriately nicknamed Big Shot Bob.

NBA Championships:

Rockets - 94, 95

Lakers   - 2000, 2001, 2002  (Three Peat was my idea, I swear!)

Spurs - 2005, 2007

The bad news for your team is that Horry isn't ready to retire.  Face the facts, we all want players like Robert on our teams.  There aren't enough to go around.

Robert Horry, Version 2007, will be remembered for his mad hockey skills, putting Steve Nash into the boards during the West Conference Finals. (Weeeeeeeeeeee! A Canadian amusement park ride)

In the 2007 playoffs, Horry averaged 20 minutes, was seen clogging the clogging the defensive lane, and made timely blocks.

Like most success stories, Horry's NBA Championships almost never happened.    Horry was in a package trade with Detroit for Sean Elliot, who didn't pass the team physical and the trade was terminated.  Horry stayed a Rocket.  Horry signed with the Lakers for their Three-Peat and saved plenty of games with clutch shooting.  This is when he received his nickname, Big Shot Bob. Horry signed with San Antonio after the 2003 Championship and has been a winner and comsumate team player.  The rest is now NBA folklore.

Trivia:  A certain show business star is uncle to both Robert Horry and Cavs center, Anderson Varejao.

  Knowing this trivia fact should win a few bar bets.

This game was ugly.

Rosie Odonnell ugly,                           

Hillary in a ballcap ugly,                     

Tampa Bay Orange ugly,                  

Rosie Odonnell ugly, she gets two!  

The Spurs shot 41% and were out stunk by the Cavs, who shot 37% from the field.

The halftime score was 40-38, Spurs.  From there, it went down hill.

The 3rd Quarter featured a whopping 27 points and was appropriately sponsored by Acme Brick.

With four minutes remaining in the 3rd Quarter I was forced to put on a cup to avoid being hurt.    (Lisa, this is not a gas mask.)

In the end, the Spurs prevailed by surviving the 4th quarter, after building a 10 point lead.

Down 3-0, the Cavs have a greater chance of winning this series than Ana Nicole's 89 year-old groom had of consumating his marriage on his wedding night.

   Stick a fork in the Cavs, they're done!

  The real tragedy is that by failing to score 100, the Cavs deprived their fans of dinner.  Chalupa! Chalupa!

PETA called off its protest since no nets or rims were harmed during this game.

It was no surprise that the Spurs came out hot and motivated.

Cleveland acted like a bride on her wedding night and the Spurs made it happen.

Quarters 1-3 were a clinic on shooting by Manu Manu the Slender Ginoibil, blocking by Big Shot Bob and rebounding by Mr. Duncan.   LeBron went out early with two fouls and Popovich pulled starters at the same time.  The Spurs still increased the score.

It was a classic butt kicking, not likely to be on ESPN Classic.

The halftime score was the third highest margin in the history of the NBA Finals.

By the end of Q3, the Spurs jacked the lead to 27.

Suddenly in Q4, Cleveland replaced their starters, the Vienna Boys Choir and made it close.

That was, until Ginobili was fouled for a four point play with 1:30 remaining.  Cleveland's run to within eight points was over.

The game isn't worthy of a write up on Cleveland.

The network's ratings in the second half were probably dismal, like Cleveland's chances of winning the series.

2-0 Spurs.

Calgon take me away.             

Ok, who'd have thought Cleveland would be up 3-2 after the beginning of this series.  Only Cleveland fans, that's who.

LeBron scored the last 25 points for Cleveland in game 5.   Double OT and the score actually made it over a combined 200 points.   Vegas bookies took a beating.   Cleveland fans and homers, start your rants about finishing off the woeful Pistons and b'slapping the Spurs next.

In reality, Cleveland is a couple buckets away from winning the series 4-1.    Then again, the Pistons are a couple buckets away from winning the series, too.

That's why we play the game, sports fans.

Should Cleveland win the series, look for LeBron to receive the Dwayne Wade "breathe on me in the lane and it's a trip to the line" rule.

Look out for the Horry forearm shiver, LeBron.

This has been a great, long weekend for sports fans.  There's been something for everyone.

Ping Pong balls were actually important.  Look for new ping pong leagues to start in the great NorthWest, while the East Coast bans ping pong forever.

The Utah Jazz showed that "It ain't over till it's over."

LeBron showed up for game 3 and actually played in the fourth quarter.  The young gent hadn't been seen in quarter 4 during games 1 and 2.  The facial LeBron gave Rasheed was a beautiful sight.

Kobe is taking smack about wanting Jerry West or leaving the team.  Look for Jerry to rejoin the Lakers, as West said, "I am open to the subject."

ESPN's Stephen Jackson's rants show that he is the illegitimate love child of Jessie.  Please recite Green Eggs and Ham.(obscure SNL reference)

MLB's American League has the usual suspects at the bottom:

  Texas(I may try out for the pitching staff.  Grab your glove and come too!)

  Kansas City(The best farm team for the other MLB teams is in the tank.)

  Tampa Bay(Enough said.)

  New York Yankees(Holy Schneike!  Western civilization will fall.  We must find a way to allow the Yankees to draft players from other teams now.  It's not fair that NY fans might some how suffer low self-esteem as a result of this fiasco.  Oh well.  Clemens will come in and win 20 starting next week.  It may be a long, hot summer in New York.)

Boston swept the Rangers and moved 12 1/2 games up on NY.

This just in, Ichiro wants to pitch!  It's raining cats and dogs.

Johns Hopkins scored just ONE second half goal and still won the NCAA Lacrosse Championship over Doooke.   Call this sport soccer with actual activity going on.  The refs even call penalties.  I like this sport.

The Indy 500 was cut short after 166 laps and Ashley Judd's husband was declared the victor.  Put an asterisk on it.  Maybe we need to put a roof over this joint!   Racing junkies think of this race as the holy grail, so do something to make it a full 500 or I'll stop watching the beginning and ending while channel surfing.  How about some tires that stop hydroplaning.

The NCAA Softball World Series was set.  You couldn't avoid these games on the ESPN family of networks.  Replays were shown on channels between the 2006 US Poker Open and the 2004 US Poker Open replays.   I had to use my TV's favorite button to avoid the softball game reruns.   3am tv on a holiday weekend is strange viewing.

The NCAA Baseball playoff brackets were set.  My team wouldn't make it, due to a 30-25 record.   I checked the brackets this morning and some crappy 30-25 team made it in the Arizona State bracket.  Hey wait, that's my CornHoler team.

Rory Sabbatini, who talked smack about Tiger and looked like a fool, won the PGA Hogan Colonial.  I was waiting for Tiger to come out of the crowd and B-slap him.  When Rory won in sudden death, his wife and kids came out to kiss Daddy.   I'd kiss Daddy, too, if he just picked up a $1,000,000 check, thank you.

Chuck Liddell took an early nap as Jackson sent him to sleepy land in the first round.  First Chucky loses his girlfriend to Mike Modano and now he's treated like a punk in the ring.  Chuck's next stop will be the ESPN football booth with Keyshawn.  Knock him out, Chuck.

ESPN has shown tape of an undercover informant, fingering Michael Vick as a criminal, who is heavily involved in dogfighting, and a leading bettor in the world of illegal, cruel, criminal, dog fighting.   How about we put Vick in the ring with Chuck Liddell and let them fight to the death.  I'd pay to see that.   Michael Vick's situation is worse than Pacmans, due to Vick being the face of his franchise.

Tonight, the Ducks and Senators begin duking it out in the NHL.

What a sweet holiday weekend.