The best news coming from the NFL Free Agency Signing Period came this morning as Brett Favre announced his retirement after 16 years of service to NFL fans.

The cries of agony resonate from Green Bay.  This has been more than offset by the cries of ecstasy in Minneapolis, Chicago and Detroit.  The Black and Blue division is up for grabs in 2008.  No team has a starting QB worth an empty Grain Belt can.

Amazingly, the happiest party to the Favre retirement is Aaron "Chico" Rogers, Green Bay QB heir apparent.  

This Vikings fan living in Cowboys country has nothing but respect for the gunslinger, Favre.  Always a great watch, Favre was either going to toss a spectacular, game winning touchdown or an interception.

Brett, now that you're retired and have time, slide on down to the county courthouse, plunk down $165.00 and fill out a name change petition.  Spell it like you say it, Mr. Brett Farve!

Some free advice, Brett:

Wrangler commercials are Ok, but don't pull a Peyton Manning with commercials.

If I see you in a Viagra commercial, I will hunt you down and beat you with a yardage marker, got it!

Have a nice retirement and I hope to see you in the booth.

What do these numbers have in common?  89, 60, 39, 67, 73, 35, 33, 81

Add 55 to end the game.

These are the distances of Touchdowns in today's game.  I followed the game on Fox GameTrax.  Thanks Fox.

         PLUS           

= OFFENSE

The average Touchdown distance was 60 yards.

Hester and Peterson ran wild.  Griese likely had a poor QB rating.

Fittingly, the game ended on a long, 55 yard field goal.

Hey Gogo, I forgot this before.
If you're a Chi town lifer, even it's only 14 years, here's the skivy on Chicago from outside Chicago.

Non-Chicago sports fans regard Chicago as the crazy uncle of sports towns.  No overall love or hate of the teams .  We just accept you, since sportswise, Chicago is rarely threatening to our teams.  Jordan and his pushoffs have retired.  The Bears will probably slide south in 2007.   The teams are good enough without sucking like the Islanders or Az Cardinals.  We don't pity you.

Chicago did give us the Blues Brothers and mini-Ditka.  Enough reason to love your town right there.  I'll even add John Candy.  Chicago is the big, friendly dog of towns. 

Everybody loves big, friendly dogs.
(If I said big, fat, friendly guys, someone would have been offended, so there.)

On the other hand, the oversaturated, overrated Cubs are constantly thrust at us like your wingman shoves his recent date's 'nice personality chick friend' on you at bar closing time...and you have no intention of smacking face with her or walking home.  (Hold on I gotta take a breath after that phrase.)

Real men work and can't go to daytime games, so the Cub fans are therefore, hippies,  rich or twelve.  Some are all three, curse them to heck.
The Cubs leave a poodle feeling with their yuppie, bandwagon, 'Cubbies'  name and "Woo hoo, we don't have tickets, so let's stand outside the stadium and get on TV." 

Get jobs, hippies.  Pay some taxes.

Add the positive and negative together and you have..."Ok, I don't like or hate Chicago, they're kind of in the middle, like where they are on the east/west map."

If you're 14 and need an explanation, ask your dad.  Dads are cool, you won't figure that out till you're #### #### broke and out of college.

Dad'll gladly explain. 

Ask about the birds and bees now vs. when you knock up Eliziabeth Elaine Szczpanski in high school, after your 'first' time.
Trust me on that.

 
I need a martini...
Better yet, ask Ozzie about this Chicago thing, just be prepared to bring a Spanish/English dictionary when he cusses you out. 

Watch his hands, too.  He's pretty demonstrative.  You might just get smacked.
Check him for a shiv, too.  Got a metal detector?
Last thing.  Don't take Elizabeth Elaine with you when you go to meet Ozzie.
One of those #### Sox players will take her away from you.