Occasionally a conference or conference division stinks up the bowl schedule.  This year it was the Big XII's south division.  I'm leaving the Big Ten off the hook, since they now have a blue placard hanging from their rearview mirror.

Let's break down the Big XII bowl season!

Tostito's Fiesta Bowl

Texas -9 vs. Ohio State

The viewers would have been best served if this game went to 847 overtimes and all the players died of old age without bankrupt medicare coverage.  The insipid Ohio State band playing that silly tune, while wearing their Girl Scout berets, made me want to buy cookies from cute little girls. 

This game featured poor coaching that should get peeps fired.  Texas blew their first half by going for it on 4th and 7 on the OSU 42.  This should have resulted in an OSU field goal.  Didn't happen.

Ohio State blew the game by crowding the line in the final 30 seconds, allowing Tejas to score an easy TD.  Fire some people today, sweater vest dude.

Cotton Bowl

Texas Tech -5 vs. Ole' Miss

Blech!  Way to play down to the lowest possible denominator, coach Leach!  Texas Tech is Latin for AHOGA.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl(I'm sick of jumping whales, which have nothing to do with insurance anyway.)

Okie State -3 vs. Oregon College of Truck Bumper Uniforms

This was a track meet. I went to the closet and pulled out my old Oregon Waffle track shoes.  Yes, they're real shoes.  Oregon won on the back stretch as Okie State blew a hammie on the final turn.  This was a great bowl game for the viewers.

Now, let's salute the real giant killers of the conference, the mighty Big XII North!

Valero Holiday Bowl(I'm a  stockholder)

Missouri -13 vs. Northwestern Wilbon University

This was Chase Daniel's worst game as a baller.  The game went to the final minute and Daniel's lousy play didn't cause a loss, just rejoicing by Northwestern bettors who collected.  All hail the soccer dude kicking field goals.  Hey Chase, think 7th round, if you're lucky.  Better yet, learn to love the CFL.

Insight Bowl(what the heck is an Insight!)

Kansas -10 vs. Minnesota Fight'n Gerbils

Kansas prevailed and covered the spread.  The better team won as most Gerbils players were worrying about the Vikes' Starcaps conspiracy.  This was a good game for three quarters.

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl...best name since the Poulan Weedeater Bowl!  Visualize a gator with a camera or copy machine!

Nebraska +2.5 vs. Clemson's Quarterbackless Tigers

This was a painful game to watch as Clemson showed they subscribed to the Minnesota Vikings theory of "We don't need a stinking quarterback."  Nebraska did all they could to spot the mediocre Tigers a nice lead.  The highlights of this game were the goofy color commentator and correct calls from the replay booth.  The Cornholers came back from mediocrity with strong defense and the best quarterback you've never heard of.  QB Ganz has done more with less than any QB in the Big XII.

Oklahoma, it's up to you to save the honor of the weak Big XII South.

Then again, the Big Ten(Plus Penn State) didn't play for squat this bowl season, either. All hail Iowa!

I now turn it over to Lisa H and the USC Song Girls who will sing I Think I'm Turning Japanese.

After that, we resume the BCS championship game smack talking and made up quotes for two days.

Ok kids, it's the most wonderful time of the year...inspired by Andy Rooney.

The BCS is a mess and the NFL playoff picture is clear as mud.  Welcome to my favorite time in football.

The Heisman Trophy is still up for grabs; all we hear of are players from Top Ten teams.  Find someone else this year, please.  Media pundits name the QB of the most recent big Saturday night game as the front runner.

Tom Brady will play for team XXX in 2009.  What a terrible thing to have two Pro-Bowl caliber Qbs!  Remember how Brady got his current NFL gig.  Franchise tag anyone?  "Gee kid, we're slapping the franchise tag on you and guaranteeing you $14million.  Hope you're not upset."

The NFC North is its usual cauldron of stewed pieces and parts.  No team has stepped up, except for Detroit who took a step back the first game of the season.  Buh-Bye Lions.  Even your Thanksgiving game is a terrible thing to watch.  Put the "L" in the book against the Titans now.

Donovan McNabb will play for the Vikes or whom next year?  His +$10million salary in 2009 probably says he's gone after the past two years of bad team play.  The same happened to Culpepper, yet people cry how McN is being disrespected.  Please disrespect me for that kind of money.

Texas and Oklahoma have the pleasure of waiting for the Big XII Championship Game berth.  If tied, the highest BCS ranked team advances.  After OU's slaughter of TxTech, it's up in the air with the computers making the decision here.  In north Texas, plenty of families are cross-bred with Okies and Texas fans.  That should make for some fun Thanksgiving meals and a few shootings.  Look for the coaches to do their own lobbying.  If OU looks good against Okie State, I bet OU will advance.

T.O. is happy.  How couldn't he be after he played a private track meet gig against the Niners.

In Indianapolis, a 14 year old girl wants to play baseball, yet the Indy high school officials say the rules prohibit her from playing since softball is available.  Let her play.  Then again, any time  boys want to play field hockey or any other sport on the girl's play list, the guys get to play.

Emmitt Smith is beyond painful to listen to from the ESPN booth.  How did he escape college or the great U of F without a basic understanding of the word, 'be.'   "They be, he be, they gots to..."   AHHHHHHH!!!

Lendale White's(TN Titans) internal punk showed during a post-game interview and whining session about carries.  The best part was how he was playing with his earrings during most of the idiotic discussion.  This kept popping into my mind. "Coach treats us like men and lets us wear earrings."   Well, that and did the USC alumni buy the earrings?

Bama and Florida,conqueror of The Citadel, will play for the BCS berth.  Why haven't we been seeing Bama games this year?  Whassupwidtdat?

Notre Dame lost to a team without a head coach.  (Insert joke here.)  Ok, it's not cool to make fun of the footballically challenged teams.

The NBA has had no high profile arrests this season.  This makes me wonder, knowing the past police blotter activity.

Bill Snyder has agreed to come out of retirement to coach the mighty Kansas State f'ball team.  Bill who, you say?  This guy turned around one of the worst football programs, retired and got bored.  Joe Pa told him he'd be bored at 69.  The dude has a stadium and highway named after him and still he can't stay away.  Two words Bill...Las Vegas!

Joe Paterno is going to have hip surgery.  The words "hip" and "Paterno" shouldn't be in the same paragraph, unless it's about surgery.

I just saw Suzy Kolber, of ESPN, on HDTV.  That makeover intervention paid off!  If Joe Namath could only get her alone again.

Mark Mangino, coach of Kansas f'ball, is still wider than my HDTV wide screen!

That's my time.  Lisa H is up next and will sing "Born To Be Alive" with Patrick Hernandez.

Hell freezes over, story at 10.  Today, cats and dogs are living in peace. 

Kansas is the only undefeated, major conference football team.   This alone is why they deserve the #1 college football ranking.  Through the year, CFB poll voters and bloggers have discriminated against the historically basketball school.

"But SLSHusker, my team from the mighty conference XXX clearly deserves the #1 ranking after Ohio State went down!"

Oh really, answer this my gel wearing friend!  If USC or Oregon or Oklahoma or LSU or Florida were the only undefeated, major conference team and wasn't ranked #1, wouldn't you scream about injustice in blogger land and in public?  If you say no, you're being hypocritical and we know it.

The Kansas Jayhawks must still beat Mizzou and the Big XII South champ to possibly advance to the BCS Championship game.

There's plenty of season left and upsets remain.

No team has a birth right to the top spots in the BCS.  Every win is sacred and only Kansas has managed to win them all, so far.  Claiming Team X is hotter doesn't matter.  No losses does matter.

Begin arguing about who's #2 in case Kansas runs the table.

 Trivia question:  How many games today had total scores over 100 points?