Once upon a time, there was a concept called a climactic playoff chase.

Then the White Sox and Twins happened, THE END.

Earlier this week the Sox and Twins gave us a great taste of the A.L. Central playoff chase.  The Twinkies swept the Sox and left us waiting for the final series against the tomato can Royals** and Indians.

Then the mouse roared.  The Twins lost the first two against K.C. and the Indians are giving the ChiSox a nice S&M beat down.

I LOVE the end of the MLB season.  Pick your cliche and use it.

That's why they play the games.

Every game counts.

It ain't over till it's over...

The Pac Ten is overrated.  Whoops, wrong post.

**Don't hate me. I'm a fan of the Royals and small franchise mediocrity.

I was beyotched at  because I wasn't watching Florida dismantle the overrated Tennessee squad this afternoon.

I'm watching the Ryder Cup and haven't cut away to College Football.  Sure, it seems like this golf event is made for TV, but it's an old school event that features the best of the best.

Viewers who only watched the Friday's last five holes of J.B. Holmes and Boo Weekley against the Euros got their moneys worth.  I love watching these red-necks go against the hoity-toity Euros.  Fist pumps and stare down are good television.

How can you not love a sports event where a commentator says, "That's not a good hole location for a hooker!"  Hey now.  That's gonna leave a mark.

The 2008 Ryder Cup is being played at Valhalla in Louisville.  I didn't mention the state, because if you don't know it's Kentucky, you shouldn't be on the WWW! 

The Ryder Cup is an every other year event played played since 1926.  It's U.S. vs. Euros.  The best of the best go head to head in multiple golf formats.  The event features 28 matches and 14.5 points wins the trophy.

Consider this the World Cup of golf.  Shots are amazing as the squads are filled with dudes who earned their place on the teams.  Time for another Natty Light.   George Bush senior is the U.S. ambassador for the Ryder Cup.  The matches are filled with galleries including celebrity golfer wanna-be former athletes.  I've seen MJ too many times this afternoon.  Ah yes, this is the only time you'll see smack talking and evil stares in golf with out someone named Woods.  Good Times!  College Football can wait till tonight.

(After the matches were final.

The U.S. won the competition.  Still, the viewers won due to fantastic shot making on drives, approaches and putts.  The Ryder Cup is distinct in its format since golf is not a team sport.  I feel I missed nothing by boycotting CFB and the NFL for part of Saturday and Sunday.)  We now resume football season.

Here's what's been popping into my little brain the past few days.

1a) CBB-NBA  - Kansas had the rep as the white bread college basketball program.  A while back a daily sports show lead-in mentioned a NBA rookie and ganja.  Immediately, I thought I'd won the 'Beasley busted for pot' lottery!  Nope, it was a couple NBA rooks from Kansas.  Gasp!  The reason the Wizard of Oz didn't want us to pull back the curtain was because a big pile of fatties was back there.  Party on Wayne!   Hey, these guys weren't even caught WITH maryjane!  They were merely suspected.  Of course, running into the can and flushing several times is normal for a couple dudes to do together, isn't it?  The team that shares together, stays together.

1b) NCAA FB -  Beanie will play, won't play, will play, won't play...excuse me while I throw up.  Is this 3rd grade?   What's up with too darn many of the 'everyones'** calling Ohio State ,OSU, all over the place.  While growing up, OSU meant Oklahoma State.  To others it means Oregon State.  At the same time, we know the 'U' means home of gun toting felons.

2) NBA - Kobe posts in the Blog NBA section.  Good god, does anyone else play in the NBA?  The legion of Kobe's sycophant, wannabe friends is scary.  For the record, Mamba did NOT jump over the sports car in the YOUTUBE video; Kobe did attempt to jump a Colorado concierge.

3) MLB - Cy Young Award.  Cliff Lee!  We talkin' Cliff Lee?  His first name is really Cy, but goes by he Cliff.  Playing for a losing team and still cranking out +20 wins against two losses is amazing!  Guess who has the lowest ERA, too.    Sorry K-Rod, you're a reliever on a team that plays too many close games.  That's how you've been in so many save situations.  

4) Kansas @ South Florida -    This morning a South Florida graduate/friend called to ask about hurricane Ike in Texas and Friday night's game.  Man, how the CFB landscape is changing.  Warm weather, high population states are starting to take over CFB.  (When asked about his South Florida jersey, the response was, "I don't have any South Florida clothes."  It figures.)

5) CFB-NFL  - Austin, Texas...don't drink the water.  What's up with the stud Texas players once in the pros?  The over-reporting on Vince Young may show a troubled young man.  The recent sports lead-ins mention suicide and a handgun.  Yikes.  This story is just getting fired up.   Ricky Williams and his ganja soap opera has slowed; his recent play had Miami give him a contract extension.  Ced Benson.  Remember him?  This Chicago Bear was busted for BUI-Boating Under the Influence.  T-sip loyalists came out and made rude, lewd, crude and abusive comments at anyone who questioned Ced's actions.  "It was a set-up."  Add the following DUI and poof, Cedric is gone from the NFL and so are the blind bloggers who loved the dude.

6) Tom Brady's Knee. - How has this not been an ESPN sports ticker category.  He's out for the season, so it's like he's dead.  Shaddup already!

7) CFB Predict The Score Blogs - No, the blogs are great subjects.  The homer responses are too predictable.  Go to an Ohio State blogger's blog and you'll see it loaded with Ohio State fans who all predict a win.  What, you guys think mini-Ditka is suiting up for the nuts?

That's it.  I'm out of time.   Lisa H and the USC song girls will now lead us in My Sharona.

 **Per the B&O/JokersWild/SteveoInHTown spelling class, I may make schizznit words up where needed...because I'm an artist.

I can’t take it any more and needed to vent about what’s making me turn off the Olympics.  Things driving me nuts are:

 1) Bob Costas

 If he says, “LIVE” again, I’ll puke.  Someone on FoxSports has stated the same thing about Bobby!  I think he’s the offspring of a frickin' gopher and locust.  Every so often he shows up and annoys us.  Thank God he doesn’t do NFL games.

 2) Chinese Gymnasts

 Olympic gymnasts must be 16 to participate.  These kids still have baby teeth and Hello Kitty t-shirts.  No one is fooled.

 Who did their birth certificates, a Dominican baseball coach?

 3) Olympic Beach Volleyball

 There’s not enough of it!  Do NOT show dudes again!

 4) Gymnastic Judges

 Apparently the East German and French figure skating judges are now doing women’s gymnastics.

 Oh, if a competition isn’t head to head or against the clock, it’s an activity, not a sport.  Judges are political tools.

 5) NBC

 The network is China’s lap dog.  The show is an infomercial for the Red Menace.   Nice hard hitting, personal interest stories about TEA make me puke.  Point out the gulags built by the Russkies for Mao’s bad boys.  Wanna buy a smog face mask?  Whoops, can't show those either.

 6) Chinese Olympic Committee/Politbureau

 You may have noticed some strange things during the Opening Ceremonies.  I did and screamed, “Bullshad!” immediately.

 It seems the sneaks used computer generated graphics to phony up what you saw on the screen.  To make it worse, some politicians decided that the little kid scheduled to sing a song wasn’t cute enough!  They pulled a Milli Vanilli and had a better looking kid lip synch.  Seems the US is having an influence on China!

 7) Medal Trackers

 I don’t see this as country by country competition.  Some countries are better at given activities.  That’s the way it is.

 I watch to see the best, especially without corrupt judges deciding results in advance.

8) Russia

 Nice timing there, Putin.  You invaded Georgia, during the Opening Ceremonies.  You’ve been busted for killing journalists and attempting to kill heads of state.  The Hague should be in your future.  (Left wing liberal pukes need not add their anti-Bush slants.)

 9) Not enough hottie shots

 I keep seeing writeups about all the cheer squads(code for  babes) at sports venues.  Hey NBC, where are these lovelies.   Since Ana Ivanovic withdrew, the hotness factor has dropped.

 10) Brett Favre

 Why him?  It took the Olympics to move this drama queen off the hourly sports intro.  Stop the tabloid reporting.  I don’t need made up items reported as fact.  Now, where are those cheerleaders?

Bonus

11) The US Olympic Committee

Mark Spitz was hosed by the USOC.  Instead of bringing Spitz over for the games, we're forced to hear the announcer insert a Spitz comment into every sentence containing Michael Phelps.  This was handled poorly, which isn't a shock.  Maybe the Chinese can use some more CGI to drop Spitz into the crowd!

Anna Kournikova:  My favorite Sports Illustrated issue just arrived:  Where Are They Now.   This issue revisits the lives of a dozen or so former athletes.  The swimsuit issue is in second place, thank you.

The cover shot includes a small teaser shot of Anna Kournikova.  Yeah, baby.

Like most men receiving the mag, I thumbed directly to the Anna Kournikova article.   Holy Schneike, she's just becoming beautiful.

Is she hotter on page 112 in the white dress she'll wear at our wedding or on page 116 in the ballerina tennis outfit she'll wear around the house? It's a tough call.

No image to post because I don't want Time Warner suing me, thank you!

This means Ana Ivanovic will be gorgeous near 2015.

Add your own Anna K pic to a reply.

Here's a pic in case you forgot who Anna K was.

As we type, another network is pushing a segment on Title Town.  Ok, them is fighting words, Vern.   This is as stupid as claiming which NCAA football conference is the best.  Several conferences need to travel TO bowl games instead of playing at home stadiums before the masses will offer total respect.  Remember the four-letter network's terrible "Who's Now" segment last year?  I'm still hosing down the living room to remove the stench.  This is more of the same refuse.

No city owns the Title Town moniker and plenty of fine citizens will offer to fight over the name.

Green Bay was ONCE known by that name; it's lame to make a claim to a name that has applied only ONCE since the late 1960's.  Let it go, Green Bay.  Be happy you still have an NFL franchise.  Los Angeles will be sniffing for an NFL team in a few years.

Please feel free to toss replies with team/franchise nicknames that really piziss you off.  Yes, I live in DFW; I grew up despising the Cowboys, since Pearson pushed off on the Hail Mary pass against my beloved Vikes!

What franchise do you hate and why?  Here are the leading contenders.

NFL-

America's Team!  That was a name created for a NFL FILMS video.  Tex Schramm and his Cowboys cronies jumped on it and the flea bag media and fans kept it going.  Hey!  Every sport needs a Dr. Evil franchise for everyone else to hate.  Philly fans should be happy it's not them the rest of the leagues hates and is jealous of, too.

In the 80's the SuperStation, TBS, a Turner commodity, attempted to bogart the name, America's Team, for the Braves.  Didn't work, did it.  How can a team from a city that can't build a freeway to loop the city be hated?  Well, unless Ray Lewis has a weapon, I'm not worried!

The New England Pats are rising on the hate charts, courtesy of the video camera and three, lame three point SuperBowl wins(?).

MLB-

The prissy Yankees and their astronomical payroll win in an uncontested match.  How can we not hate the Yankees!  It's as easy as ' A squared + B squared = C squared.'  The highest payroll in the western hemisphere can't buy titles any more.  I love it.  Red Sox fans, quit your crying.  You're the second most hated franchise in  MLB, since your 'Johnny come lately' fans have a huge sense of entitlement.  Go back to worshipping Dennis Leary, please.  Anyone know who's the daddy of A-Rod's kids? 

NHL-

Let's face it, Detroit is the bomb.  This is the Title Town of the NHL.   I respect the pizza franchise dictator's running of the Red Wings.   This only leaves teams with dirty players and that leaves Sean Avery, dirtbag-turd.  The NHL created a rule, during the playoffs because of this swine.   Wait, he just signed with the Stars.  Whoops!  I'm not impartial any more.  Fans are more jealous of the Red Wings than anything else.

NBA-

That's  beyond easy, since Kindergarten kids hate the Lakers.  There's nothing more to say.  At least the Police Blotter has not included Lakers lately.

MLS-

Psych.  The masses aren't watching.

Gentlemen, start your fisticuffs. 

American gluttony again took center stage on t.v. 

It's Hot Dog eating time. B-U-R-P!

Shaq jumped onstage and freestyled a nice rap in the past several days.

The target was none other than the reigning MVP, Kobe Bryant.  The hook was:

"Kobe, tell me how my ahhhssss tastes!"

This tune is actually great and might cause you to lose the funky taste of Kazaam that still resides by your #28 molar.

Follow the Yellow Brick Link below:

http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1626
146951

The lyrics will cause the Conspiracy Brothers to blog like crazy about the truth or consequences of this GREAT video.  Prepare for the Laker bloggers to jump on this like it's Area 51.  Shaq can be seen this Saturday on Soul Train, rapping his new #1 hit.

TMZ had the tape and ESPN showed it today.

I'd "pay a dollar" to hear that! (RoboCop reference, sorry!)  I did like the tune.

It may be that Shaq and Kobe aren't the great friends the media makes them out to be.

Aftermath:

Shaq-Lost his Special Sheriff badge in AZ, due to "language, etc." in the video.  I feel safer already.

Kobe-Ordered a special screening of Kazaam for L.A. area youths, which highlight's Shaq's real talent.

Suggestion: Check out the 2007 article on Kobe's tossing Shaq out of L.A.  Link below:

http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/slshusker
/2007/06/23/Kobes_eBay_post_Anyone_need_a_Bus<
/p>

During tonight's NBA beatdown, I jumped to a sports network on commercial breaks.  The ticker scrolled the American League vs. National League games.  I knew I'd have to revisit on the next  break.  The AL went 12-2 against the NL tonight.  Wow!  This includes Kansas City winning, too.  Only Toronto and Cleveland lost to N.L teams tonight.  That's ok, neither is U.S. city anyway.

Prognosticators live and die with these games, justifying the strength of one league over another.  Statistics are screwey things.

This concludes the test of the Emergency Statistics Punishment Network.  Should this have been a real emergency, the NBA Finals would not have concluded tonight.

BEAT L.A.!!!!! (I had to do that.)

Sunday's U.S. Open ended with a tie between Woods and Rocco.

"Yayyyy!  We have a Sudden Death Playoff, right now!"

Not so fast, young Jedi.  The U.S. Open settles ties with an 18 hole playoff the following day.

"What the F!  You mean I played hookey from the office on Thursday and Friday, becoming emotionally invested in this garbage, only to have my heart ripped out!  I have to go to work Monday!  I can't watch it!"

That's right.  You were hosed by the PGA and whoever is in charge of the U.S. Open.

"Wait, that means only hippies, bumbs and 12 year olds will be watching tomorrow!  The Q-ratings should be lower than 'Kobe sings Tupac's hits.'  What a waste of my heart strings."

That's right.  You'll be stuck on conference calls catching up on what you missed Thursday and Friday!

"This is not right!"

Tough, I told you that the Masters was the real tournament and all other Majors were second class!  At least the British Open features a great accent and grainy tv.

"I know, I should have listened to you, but I was watching a Danica Patrick promo and lost track. She's hot compared to those dude drivers."

So is your mother!

Don't worry.  Tiger will win because David Stern's posse has arranged for Rocco to dump shots short and right tomorrow.  Golf is rigged too!

In silent protest of the media's NBA game preview saturation and game fixing discussions, I boycotted the first half of Game 4. Hey, a guy's gotta watch a golf major and have dinner!   I'm sick of the Stern talking head appearing, stating how much of a slime bag a certain, former official is.  (Stern's job is to protect the league, period, not tell us any potential truths or lies that we may not know.)  What could I miss in the first half, since the officials were sure to give the Lakers a huge lead.(That was a joke.)

"Click!"  The U.S. Open is over for the night, time for some third quarter basketball.

"Whoa, L.A. has a huge lead!"  Shocking.

A 20 point lead went boom in the third quarter and the Celtics likely locked up the title.  (Note, I said 'likely.')  The final eight minutes were entertaining as Kobe and the Three Bears pulled a big, fat, ahoga. 

Whoops!  Lakers fans have to be distraught after this choke job.  It's time the Lakers have blown a lead, since they've often been the recipient of gobbling up a deficit this year.

Stay tuned for the "Conspiracy Posts" to populate blog-dom.  The ghost of Red lives on.

Good night, Cerritos.

Tonight the puck finally drops as the NBA Championship begins.  The hypefest has been a runaway train on all the sports networks and media sites.  Let's get on with the Basketball.  I've had it with the preview shows and prognosticators.

While we remember and long for the days of "no easy layups," as seen in past Celtics/Lakers Finals, the NBA star system will protect the name brand players.  The only question is how tightly the officials will call the game and will the star treatment be equal at the charity stripe.

In Boston, the cameras will pan on past Celtic greats, and in Lala land we'll be forced to see Hollyweirdos in prime seats, vying for camera time.  We can't get enough of Jack!   If Spike shows, someone slap him.

What subject will the television media wear us out with first, Bill Walton's loyalty to Boston and his son, the great Red vs. Phil debate, or Kobe is as great as MJ?

What I do know is that His Royal Highness, Commissioner Stern, will be perched in his booster seat, quietly reveling at the pomp surrounding this Finals.  He'll smirk, yet barely smile knowing the ad revenue and overnight ratings will be huge.

Fans of the teams not in this Finals have to pick a team, like most of us do every year.  This year it's easy.  Just pick the team you hate and cheer against them from your couch, bar stool or cell block.

Beer?  Check!  Cheetos? Check!  Remote?  Toss it across the room!

As the great philosopher, Wayne said, "Game on!"

Ok Boston Celtics, this seven game series garbage has got to stop!

Atlanta AND Cleveland took the Celtics to the mat.  The cream of the 2008 NBA has stunk up the joint in two playoff series that should never have been as competetive.  Boston played down to the level of their opponents.  Yes, Cleveland is far superior to Atlanta, yet Cleveland wouldn't see the playoffs if they were in the West. (Hold the hate mail.)

Shocking in today's Game 7 was the point total.  Both teams actually sniffed at 100 points.  That was the heart stopper for me.  Instead of watching the final minutes bored to tears at the brick laying, I paced the floor with a beer, then another.

Since when are players allowed to JUMP ON TOP OF opponents for a loose ball.  You can't go through a dude for a rebound, so what's up with that!  Two memorable loose ball exchanges resulted in a double technical and a double date.  There were more peeps laying on top of each other than at an Indigo Girls concert.  All that was missing was George "Scrap Iron" Skadaski or Ivan "The Polish Hammer" Putski!

Maybe this dude can make a shot and play D!

Hey Celtics, I've followed you guys for years and it's time for you to act like the East champs.  It's too late for the garbage ball because the Pistons have been licking their chops waiting for you to bring your poor road play to their house.   Who'd think that you could be b-slapped around by punk teams this playoff season.  Today's Game 7 was far too close and you won't get another weak opponent.  Step it up against Detroit or be crushed! 

Ainge, get your butt down to the floor and give these guys a pep talk.  Tell stories about your days vs. L.A. and playing with a great squad.  Do something to motivate these fools!  That tiny Most Valuable Executive trophy you received isn't worth squat if you lose.  I have one just like it at the office and so do plenty of other dudes.  If anyone wants one, they retail @ $29.95!  Who will remember your 40 win improvement over last year if you continually play like a rec league team in the playoffs.  Every other team is hungry and you're getting by on your 2007-8 wins rep.  It's over baby.  Step it up or get the fishing reels ready!

Play ball!

We’ve survived a sports bonanza the past week, yet why do I feel worn out and annoyed by redundancy and unanticipated sleaze?  

1) The NFL Draft-Can this event go on any longer?  Thank God the league shortened the first round selection time from 15 minutes.  The number of talking heads who claim to know the draft order gives me headaches.  Who pays to hear from these guys?  Keyshawn Johnson giving advice to anyone is suspect, for the lack of a nasty word.  Here’s a hint networks, put a babe on the panel and the boys will watch.  Put them in bikinis and Parcells will watch.  Why the avalanche of pre-draft selection shows, followed by endless post-draft shows?  Can you say overkill?   Calgon take me away!  

2) Sean Avery of the NHL Rangers is such a turd that the league created a new rule because of him DURING the playoffs.  Avery was waving his stick in the goalie’s face, obstructing his view.  Avery also spent his quality time discussing the goalie’s ex-wife.  Classy guy, that Avery!  The unnamed goalie refused to shake Avery’s hand at the end of the series.  I salute him for that.  Media hacks immediately dissed the goalie for being a poor role model to kids.  Apparently the media didn’t watch the games, but phoned in the stories.  Bad media, bad media!  Get off the keyboard.  

Karma showed up and kicked Avery in the spleen following the game.  The mouthy child was hospitalized with a lacerated spleen and the blogging world wasn’t overly disappointed at his situation.  Complications to his surgery were reported today.  How do you lacerate a spleen without a switchblade!   In March, it was reported that Avery’s phone number was in a Manhattan Madam’s little black book.  I thought hockey dudes got all the chicks…they do, for $700 an hour, with the Spitzer discount!  I’m here all week, try the veal.  

3) UEFA Champions League-Bet you don’t care what that is.  I do. The cream of the European soccer crop plays an international tournament.  This year, the last teams standing are Chelsea (blue jersey) and Manchester United (red jersey).  (Color hints were for US fans.) This all English final will be played in Moscow.  What’s the over/under on arrests?  Do the fans have to bring their own handcuffs to the game?  What are hooligans like on holiday?  Wait till May 21 to find the match buried on your cable networks. This match shows that the Premier League is the bomb!

4) Roger Clemens-This pathetic drama makes me yearn for Barry Bond’s fat head.  Mindy McCready has not denied having a sexual relationship with Clemens when she was 15!  Isn’t that a criminal act?  Clemens can kiss off his Hall of Fame election now that the media has someone to zero in on that’s not named Bonds.  Since the facts eventually surface in the East River, we’ll learn just how sleazy Roger is, and if it’s anything like his attorney, Rusty, it’ll get ugly.   Mrs. Clemens did not return my calls, but her attorney did!  Ba-da-bing!  Call me Debbie!  

5) Jason Whitlock, a dude who gets paid to write sports articles, hates everyone with a keyboard that isn’t named Jason Whitlock.   Sorry Jason, the Sherman Anti-Trust Act guarantees the public the right to blog.  Go ahead, look it up.  The internet has changed the sports information game and some cry babies want to pick up their sandbox and go home.  This isn’t the 80’s Whitlock.  Everyone gets to play.  If you’re not nice, the public may notice that you don’t have game, just the same move where you juke to the far left and cry, ‘‘Skin color foul!”  Bring that one-on-one and I’ll feed you the ball for lunch.   The blogosphere deserves better.  

Personal Rant: 

6) I spent Thursday thru Sunday at the PGA Byron Nelson Classic.  This meant I missed most of the NFL draft.  Not really, the draft will be re-played till August kickoff.   The tourney used to be in May, followed by the Hogan in Fort Worth.  This gave PGA players the opportunity to park their butts in the metro area for two weeks.  The brain trust in the PGA office decided to hose over north Texas by splitting the tournaments and moving the Byron Nelson Classic to April.  Ok, that’s a personal rant and the brainiac commissioner adjusted the schedule for 2009.   In 2007, the course was in terrible shape and half the greens were dead and embalmed!  This year only one Top Ten player showed and it was the Masters champion.  The tournament skippers missed a fantastic new course, built by D.A. Weibring after the 2007 tournament.  Eldrick Woods wasn’t missed as the new course was the show.   Eldrick also avoids the Hogan because it’s a traditional course.  There’s not a known meaning for the name Eldrick.  I think it’s a convoluted Spanish name, el Drick, meaning: Born with a wicked awesome shot.

That’s all the time I have.  Enjoy the rest of the show featuring the singing group, I Love the Lakers and Can’t Name Three East Teams.

Tonight's Finals matchup lived up to expectations as Kansas took Mempis to OT.

This game was well officiated and featured great play on both sides of the ball.  Few ticky tack calls were made and no one was gyped on their ticket price.  (Memphis fans will disagree.)

Here's why the game went to Overtime...Fun With Statistics:

.527 & .933 VS. .403 &.632

That's field goal percentage and free throw percentage. 

Kansas is the former and Memphis the latter.  Field goal percentage was my predictor for the game winner.  Strangely, Kansas trailed by nine late in the game, yet came back strong.

 Memphis blew it at the charity stripe when it mattered most, late in the game.  That doomed the gents from Memphis. (repeat) 4 of 5 inside two minutes set up the Kansas comeback.

Goat Award:  Memphis, your coach didn't teach you well.  With seven seconds and a three point lead, Memphis didn't foul a Kansas inbound to end the game!  WHAT WEREN'T YOU THINKING!!!!  We all saw a  penetration and kickout for a three to tie the game with 2.1 in regulation.  This needs to be at the top of a Top 20 Countdown Show.  Knucklehead.

Overtime was all Kansas as Memphis went cold.

The end, game over, thanks for playing, here's your Greyhound pass back to Graceland.

75-68...first since 1988