The past week was filled with juicy sports stories and terrible news for MLB.  Here's the Week That Was.

A) MLB  Mrs. Clemens, Debbie, has admitted to using HGH before a swimsuit photo shoot.  I wonder where McNamee injected her.  Maybe she took something orally instead.  I can't wait for the public disclosure.  Can Roger's denial about steroids and HGH be believed if he had his wife injected?  Goodbye first ballot Hall of Fame!  Sit next to Barry on the Group W bench, please.   Buh-bye.   Andy P. dropped a dime on Roger.  Here's a shot of the two preparing their testimony.  Add your own punch line. 

2) NBA Mavericks trade for Jason Kidd has hit a snag and it involves: The Early Bird Exception!  That's a legit collective bargaining clause.  It seems to be a two year qualifying event instead of three.  Whatever!  I could write the specifics, but that would involve math and stuff.  It's the weekend, thank you.  The deal can be salvaged by repackaging the contract of Christian Laetner, Keith Van Horn or some other dead dude: I can't remember which.

D) MLB Kevin Mench, AKA Shrek, has signed a minor league deal.  Rangers fans, both of em', immediately bought six game ticket packages.  Kevin is known for his large head, which still is tiny compared to the Bonds cranium.  Shrek's cap size is 8 point something.  The competition will be fierce for the extra outfielder position.  The Mench bobblehead was truly that.

If you picked up on the numbering for the first three items, you're a fan of quotes from Home Alone.

7) NBA  The Basketball Hall of Fame finalists include likely entrants: Adrian Dantley, Patrick Ewing, Hakeem Olajuwan, a couple coaches and some foreign dudes I don't know.  Look for a name player to get hosed in favor o####irl who played Iowa High School basketball and scored 20 per game. 

Q) NFL  Pats fans will be on the defensive as a former Rams player and fans have filed a $100,000, 000.00 dollar federal lawsuit.  Seems they believe the Pats pattern of cheating is racketeering.  Sic em'!    Related to this is the NFL revelation that the Pats taped Steeler defensive coaches during four games from 2001-2004, which included two AFC Championship games.  The Pats won three of the four.  Yikes!  More fodder for the flames?

Red) NBA  The All Star game is on today or tonight.  Of all the major sport All Star games, this is the best and I'm not watching this joke, either.  There's no defense and bad shooting.  It looks like a High School JV game with the hot dogging.  The hilight is Charles Barkley's mouth.  I hope Strahan retires from the NFL soon.  We need him in the booth.

3)  NASCAR  Left Turn fans rejoice over the beginning of the 2008 season.  Yes, the Daytona 500 is finally here.  "Right Turn Clyde."    I do have one suggestion to the France family.  Move the race to the week before the Super Bowl.  We have nothing to do that week.  The ratings would rule.  I'll tune into the in progress race shortly.  It's hard to choose who I cheer for.  I know I'd like to hang with Tony Stewart and b-smack Kurt Busch.  Good times.

R) Ammo was on sale this week, so I'm a happy camper.