Darth Vader – “So Jerry, how did you abscond with the funds to finance the new Death StarIII Cowboys Stadium?”
(both have amazing fire power)
Jerry Jones – “Well, you see, the first thing I did was make Dallas think I’d consider building it in their city. The location offered was a dump without future building potential. You couldn’t park your Imperial Cruiser without getting jacked! Then I let everyone blame the Dallas mayor for not getting the new stadium. She didn’t have the authority to negotiate anyway. I cut a deal with Arlington in 3 parsecs.”
Darth – “Ingenious, Jerry, you put the blame on Mayor Miller. That Dallas City Council has the personality of Jawas and the negotiating skills of Tusken Raiders!
Heh-heh-heh-heh!
This is of great importance to me!”
"How did you fund the Death StarIII!"
Jerry – “It was easy! The city of Arlington was the only municipality with an optional penny tax available. The citizens will cough up the coin, er, credits to build a third of the stadium. It’ll be paid off in 25 years.”
Darth – “Jerry, that leaves you on the hook for 650,000,000 credits. The Imperial Senate won’t let me build anything these days. How are you funding the 650,000,000?”
Jerry – “Personal Seat Licenses(PSL), $10 beer and excessive parking charges.”
Darth Vader – “PSL?”
Jerry – “Remember when you charged Imperial Senate members to watch you blow up Alderon?”
Darth – “Oh yes, that was fun. I could not believe those bureaucrats would pay! Ha-ha-ha! They were dumber than Tattooine moisture farmers.”
Jerry – “Well, this is even better. I charge people for the right to buy a ticket in the future! It’s a better scam than when I was selling oil prospecting in Arkansas.
I stole the Cotton Bowl from Dallas, too. We’ll have the greatest venue in the nation of Texas. Tractor pulls, Bowl games, Mary K, adult entertainment conventions, etc.”
Darth – “Snap out of it Jerry! We’re here to discuss business. I admit, you are a genius. I must try this in the future!
Jerry, what is the difference between a stripper and a Mary K representative?”
Jerry – “3 pounds of makeup and 20 years!”
Darth – “Ha-ha-ha-he-he-he. Good one Jerry. Back to business! I’m starting to feel mortal and I do not have a successor. My Lord, Emperor Palpatine is long gone and my son has rejected me. I need your ideas on a succession plan.”
Jerry – Can’t help you there, buddy! My son, Steven, is as worthless as t-its on a boar hog! He’s got his mama’s big hair, too. Maybe we can cross train each other. You’d love owning a sports team and hosing over the fans! Just stay away from the English Premiere League! Those people are crazy. The South American fans will burn down their own stadium. Hey! I’d love to take a light saber to that twit, Daniel Snyder. I’m in, good buddy.
Darth – “Yes, this sounds promising. I could see myself owning the Cubs. I’d only play night games and uniforms will be an all black reflective composite. That would rid me of the hippies in the crowd. Those daytime fans are as worthless as a hairless Wookie. The fans must have credits to overpay for merchandise.”
Jerry – “Then it’s settled, we’ll meet every year to discuss our universe/sports takeover plans. We'll overthrow Emperor Goddell by then.”
Darth – “Don’t tell Cuban of this.
His haircut scares me.”
Darth walks away singing…”Aint’ no party like a Death Star party, cuz a Death Star party don’t stop. So when you see a young storm trooper in a Death Star flippin’ switches, you gotta give the trooper his props…..”
You pointed me here, thus I'll leave a comment. A comment which I have no idea what to say. I'll say that it is unique, but other than that, I am obviously missing something here. I'm sure we all can agree that Jerry Jones is a misguided freak, but I'm not understanding the Darth Vader comparison/interlude.
Tom, I have to admit, i've 'lusted in my heart - Jimmy Carter' after Bridget since I first saw her pic years ago.
I'll trade ta-tas for a fine booty any day.
Throw on a little makeup and she's f-i-n-e, fine!
Traffic will be a #### though. I lived in that area for 10 yrs. Trying to go see the crappy ole Rangers was gridlock. Can only imagine how bad Arlington will be with the Boys right across the street.
As for that Dallas mayor, she's out of work now.
Creative post. Is that Cheech or Chong on the hippie card?
Texascudaguy - I don't know where you are living now, but JJones and the TX Dpt of Transport/Arlington got the state to change some overpasses near the stadium to line up with the new stadium. There will now be at least one access ramp from the stadium directly onto I-30. This will enhance access/escape to/from the highway. Still, it will be a parking nightmare. What stadium isn't. Look for another highway overpass to be redirected for the stadium.
Peace.
The hippie is Chong. Good catch. It's form That 70's Show, prior to the Bong arrest.
great work yoda, opps i mean husker. to funny, think cuban ever could compete? the city of dallas was very dumb in letting jj take his death stardium to arlington and now that miller is out of work she must love the fact that she single handily #### dallas. not just by letting the cowboys go but by the way we are now going to lose the red river classic in the coming years. but i sure am lokking forward to 2009, cant wait to get my chance at buying a ticket, thank you PSL!! before you know it it will be 2011 and the superbowl will make its first visit, and im sure it wont be its last, to arlington!
Last edited by Tha_1_Texan on July 28th at 6:48 PM.
BGL - Meds wouldn't stop it. The sick idea came to me on the tarmac at the KC airport. I was looking at a pic of the new stadium and someone near me said Darth Vader. It hit me then.
Texan, I don't think you understand the power of the 'optional penny tax.' Only Arlington had it available. The rest of us use it to fund empty buses. Dallas couldn't compete with Arlington.
Would you build in Fair Park, let alone live there? I doubt it. The Cotton Bowl is a dump that should be blown up. The state fair kept the game there.
sls, hilarious stuff!! I can actually picture Darth and Jerry collaborating on how to take over the entire sports world! They would meet at some clandestine location outside of Dallas far away from the main highway and plot their takeover.
SLS, you dont come across as one of those fella who divides his animals into 'cute and cuddly' and 'edible.' if you want to stop animal cruelty you can start and stop with animals you deem worthy. the word animal actually encompasses more than just house pets. have you seen how our food animals are treated? help prevent animal cruelty - stop eating meat.
jon - Hearing the voice of Vader in my head was half the fun of writing it down.
demon - you're cranky early in the morning. My cuddly animal is resting at my feet.
I'm a carnivore, probably because I love beef.
I read "The Jungle" at an early age. I've been in a meat packing plant. It's not pretty. I've field dressed a deer, cleaned the #### out of a duck, etc.; I've never put animals in a pit forcing them to kill each other, purely for my amusement.
Born Viking fan here too. So I can imagine it's gotta be tough for you.
Cards country? "This year is our year" (Cut and pasted from last year. And the year before that. And the year before that . . . . I think you get the picture.)
Speaking of the Cards, you gotta admire their consistency. No false hopes here, no siree. Same s***, different year. We know what to expect, and are seldom disappointed. There's a lot to be said for that, you know.
Ricko - It's got to be worse in AZ. Being a fan of the Cards has to be like the scene out of Major League where the fans are discussing the team and someone says something like, "We may not suck this year." Translated from japanese.
High expectations vs. No expectations.
Brady - You in St.Louis? Bidwell has a cousin and his name is Bud Adams, the carpetbagger who took the Oilers out of town and cursed Nashville forever.
Jerry Jones should be ASHAMED of himself. I mean ASHAMED ASHAMED ASHAMED. His greed is unlimited. I am so ashamed for him - he should be banned from any sports. He should fire himself as a crappy manager/owner. I absolutely LOVE THE DALLAS COWBOYS, but would never pay one red dime to put money into Jerry Jones' pocket. I watch the Dallas Cowboys without fail. I'm so glad the Arlington folks are paying for Jerry Jones to have a big stadium and not me. I would be absolutely furious to pay for his stadium. Good luck Arlington tax payers.
Tm - I don't think you get it.
Jerry is paying for 2/3 of the stadium and all overages.
If you live in Dallas county, you're paying a penny tax for DART and the empty buses.
In Arlington, that penny is going to pay for 1/2 of the stadium. This is the same penny that paid for the Ballpark in Arlington for the Texas Rangers. No extra taxes were created to fund the new Cowboys stadium.
In a decade, Arlington may woo the Mavs and Stars.
Statistics are a dangerous when handled by zealots.
I believe Burnt Orange isn't a color, it's a disease.
The DH rule should be elimintated.
I like cats and dogs...cats taste more like chicken.
Women are god's greatest creation.
Barry Bonds was detrimental to sports.
The month after the Super Bowl is sports HELL.
March Madness is the best elongated sports extravaganza.
The Masters is great watching, in spite of Jim 'nancy boy' Nantz.
Anyone spouting political commentary should be barred from this site.
This is a sports blog!
I need a soma.
Save a dog, eat an NFL Quarterback.
