The Balco Bonds Bunch (sing it to The Brady Bunch) • 3 parts gin, 1 part vermouth

3 parts gin, 1 part vermouth
by: slshusker

The Balco Bonds Bunch (sing it to The Brady Bunch)
Jun 09, 2007 | 2:32PM | report this

It's time for a song. Let's sing it together to the tune of The Brady Bunch.

Makes you wonder?

Here's the story, of an alleged doper

Who was using steroids and HGH.

All of them had side effects, like no other,

The last one was little nuts.

Here's the story of a company named Balco,

Who was busy with new drugs of their own,

They were illegal drugs, working together,

Yet they were barely known.

Till one day when Barry met this Balco

And they knew it was much more than a hunch,

That this group would all dope up together.

That's the was they became the Balco Bonds Bunch.

The Balco Bonds Bunch.

That's the way they all became the Balco Bonds Bunch.

The Balco Bonds Bunch.

(Apologies to Sherwood Schwartz)

Bonds when he arrived at San Francisco Bonds soon after

Shoe: 10.5
13(yeah, right)

Jersey: 42
52(muscle only?)

Hat 7 1/8
7 1/2

Reality. The MLB's negotiated drug policy has not allowed blood tests which would show HGH and designer steroids. Wink, Wink!

I don't want to hear anything about "no tests have shown Bonds to be a doper."

Leave that logic to Dr. Evil.

"Barry is our love child with my head!"

"Don't mess with my baby boy! Scott, come massage Mommy's bunions!"

33 Comments | Add a comment

categories: Barry Bonds, balco, MLB, San Francisco Giants, NFL, NBA, steroids, HGH, Axe wielding barbarians with bad breath, New York Yankees, Roger Clemens

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	JoshQPublic Jun 9, 2007 2:40 PM		nice work. cousin oliver would be proud. like sam the butcher bringin' alice the meat. Last edited by JoshQPublic on June 9th at 2:41 PM.

	lisa4usc Jun 9, 2007 2:57 PM		omg huskers...BOTD!!!!!! I have that song in my head now. Tell Sam the butcher he needs to make a better freezer.... and Barry went up 2.5 shoes sizes? How old is he? 12? Hilarious.

	1steelerfan1 Jun 9, 2007 3:29 PM		Absolutely hilarious....ha ha ha. Well done. Way to run with a great idea. Dang. Keep 'em coming my man.

	slshusker Jun 9, 2007 3:37 PM		Whoops! I got a call to go get dinner and missed the first Qtr of the Belmont! JQP - The show has scarred a generation. Lisa - I don't know how/who picks BOTD; I'm curious. Steerer - New pic... I don't write many posts and need something to set me off. I was reading an issue of ESPN and was on an article about clubhouse attendants and roids. Then it hit me.

	broncogirl Jun 9, 2007 6:33 PM		Holy shiznit that was funny.

	slshusker Jun 9, 2007 6:58 PM		Bronco, when is the kiddie due? You on bedrest?

	broncogirl Jun 9, 2007 7:10 PM		Kiddie is due Aug 5th but she wont stay in that long there is no way she can we are hoping she doesnt come until July 23rd. If my stress levels get any higher though she could come now. Im not on bed rest anymore. Thank god.

	slshusker Jun 9, 2007 7:20 PM		Bronco, I'm working long distance with a consultant who's on bed rest till her boy is due on August 7. She calls me her surrogate, long distance, husband. It means less grief for her hubby. Peace out!

	broncogirl Jun 9, 2007 7:25 PM		I have one of those. We talk a lot. But hes not my long distance hubby. Cant replace the hubby. Last edited by broncogirl on June 9th at 7:26 PM.

	RINGO Jun 9, 2007 7:53 PM		Mr.Husker Ello ,back! And you guys are good!!

	slshusker Jun 9, 2007 8:36 PM		Ringo, back at ya! There aren't many euro football bloggers here. The season is winding down, too. Bronco - I think we all believe your internet hubby is named LGB. You could name the girl Buffy! Last edited by slshusker on June 9th at 8:37 PM.

	RINGO Jun 9, 2007 8:58 PM		It`s been a while since I followed the traditional American sports leagues ,ever since my Oilers left town for Ten..Tenne...TTene....still can`t bring myself to say that name! "LUV ,LUV YA BLUE"....didn`t even mind them nicking one of our songs!

	slshusker Jun 9, 2007 9:20 PM		Ringo, we agree on that. I lived in Houston during the Luv Ya Blue years. Bud Adams is a carpetbagger. The TN Titans don't exist to me.

	RINGO Jun 9, 2007 10:21 PM		Do you remember the "Run `n shoot" years? I spent many a weekend at the Dome ,watching the U of H Cougars on a Saturday and the Oilers on a Sunday ,Aah ,the good old days!

	slshusker Jun 9, 2007 10:46 PM		Ringo, I was in Houston from 86-92. It was a great time with the Oilers and the dome foam beer at the Astrodome. The Run n Shoot turned into the Duck and Chuck. Bud conned the county into putting 15,000 more seats into the stadium, then took off. I hate the guy forever. I put a curse on the Titans. The Coogs were a great watch in football and basketball.

	RINGO Jun 9, 2007 10:56 PM		Super Blue in `92....can`t remember how that worked out! Now I live in Earl Campbell`s home town ,no wonder he ended up so depressed!

	GAFF Jun 10, 2007 5:08 AM		slshusker ************* THE BALCO / BONDS SONG WAS WONDERFUL -- A FUNNY SONG ABOUT A CLOWN IN A BASEBALL UNIFORM. NOT A FUNNY CLOWN, BUT A SOCIOPATH IN CUSTUME. YOUR ANALYSIS OF THE SAN FRANCISCO CLOWN, GIVEN IN YOUR PROFILE, IS PERFECTLY CORRECT.

	socalsportsfan Jun 10, 2007 7:34 AM		Go read Mench's column on Roger Clemens and tell me if you feel the same way about him. If they strip Barry of any records, they should do the same to all those Cy YOUng's of Roger.

	BDyckns Jun 10, 2007 8:01 AM		slshusker...Ya know?...It was great seeing that pic of the Pirate Bonds. I remember the B&Bs of Pirate Land. One thing about the side by side pics tho husker, I was a photog btw, that extra "####" could be from age, as I saw my once great dog Abbie "widen" by her 12th year. I think a full body shot would put more ephasis (how doya spell dat?) on that great photographic "proof". Also...sad, very sad to see my "Phil Hartman Voice that made it great" (for me) has left the frame and some guy in fatigues took his place. ;0(

	LetsGoBuffalo Jun 10, 2007 8:08 AM		I actually sang that song....Nice dude!

	MeanDovine Jun 10, 2007 8:50 AM		This was funny, even though I am a Bonds fan.

	broncogirl Jun 10, 2007 11:32 AM		Husker you should be ashamed of yourself. He is not my internet hubby and his french poodles name is Buffy.

	slshusker Jun 10, 2007 12:53 PM		Gaff, I read your profile. You have quite a bit of history to teach this community. Greatest Of All Time is thrown around loosely now. Your list was the bomb. BDyk...yes, I WAS a Bonds fan and follower before his miracle growth? Maybe he took plant food. The Avatar had to go away for awhile. LGB...it's a catchy tune. It's better than having Macarena stuck in your head. Mean, thanks for singing along. Bronco, have a shot of tequila when you feel it's time to give birth and you can't take waiting any more. You'll break water in 30 minutes.

	broncogirl Jun 10, 2007 1:02 PM		Husker how do you know this? When I went into labor with my son I was dialated at 1 and then 6 hours later had him. They say the second one is faster so we will see.

	slshusker Jun 10, 2007 1:08 PM		Bronco, Tequila will make you wretch and break water. SoCal...thanks for the heads up on the Mench article. Great read. Clemens is a t-sip alumni, so I don't like him anyway.

	broncogirl Jun 10, 2007 1:11 PM		Husker the thing is I am already going to be in a very ill mood when I start having contractions and I cant have tequila because it makes me mean.

	slshusker Jun 10, 2007 1:19 PM		One shot is all it takes to induce labor.

	broncogirl Jun 10, 2007 1:24 PM		I cant have it though.

	xbulrdr8 Jun 10, 2007 4:41 PM		HUSKER-I GOT NEW PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOLOLOL HA HAHA AND THAT BUNCH IS HEEELAIREUS!!!! Last edited by xbulrdr8 on June 10th at 4:42 PM.

	slshusker Jun 10, 2007 5:01 PM		XB...I must come veeesit u and your new Ren and Stempy pictures! I'm a sick man, what can I say.

	jlew68 Jun 11, 2007 8:05 AM		This is the reason steroids will never be purged from baseball. We only see BALCO and Barry Bonds. BALCO is not the only company out their manufacturing this #### and Barry Bonds is not the lone solitary player that is part of the scandal.Every other player and supposed nutritional companies are flying under the radar because we only want to focus on one man and one company. Minor league players and major league players are still testing positive and many others are not being caught because the tests are unable to test for HGH and all the other synthetic steroids.The outrage everyone feels for Barry Bonds and steroids needs to be directed at all of baseball or it will never be cleaned up. Remember it wasn't BALCO that Gary Matthews Jr. was associated with. Last edited by jlew68 on June 11th at 8:13 AM.

	broblog Jun 19, 2007 3:34 PM		Sls, Why do you hate Barry Bonds

	slshusker Jun 20, 2007 8:05 PM		jlew68 - Have you seen the tennis player who's suing a 'nutritional' company. The dude failed a drug test and tennis booted him. He's suing the vitamin company, since they produced steroid supplements and also vitamins, using the same machinery the same day. It's interesting. brblog - I've said it before, I followed Bonds closely @ Pittsburgh, then despised him when he took the drugs to bulk up and and steal Hank's record.

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