As we type, another network is pushing a segment on Title Town.  Ok, them is fighting words, Vern.   This is as stupid as claiming which NCAA football conference is the best.  Several conferences need to travel TO bowl games instead of playing at home stadiums before the masses will offer total respect.  Remember the four-letter network's terrible "Who's Now" segment last year?  I'm still hosing down the living room to remove the stench.  This is more of the same refuse.

No city owns the Title Town moniker and plenty of fine citizens will offer to fight over the name.

Green Bay was ONCE known by that name; it's lame to make a claim to a name that has applied only ONCE since the late 1960's.  Let it go, Green Bay.  Be happy you still have an NFL franchise.  Los Angeles will be sniffing for a NFL team in a few years.

Please feel free to toss replies with team/franchise nicknames that really piziss you off.  Yes, I live in DFW; I grew up despising the Cowboys, since Pearson pushed off on the Hail Mary pass against my beloved Vikes!

What franchise do you hate and why?  Here are the leading contenders.

NFL-

America's Team!  That was a name created for a NFL video.  Tex Schramm and his Cowboys cronies jumped on it and the flea bag media and fans kept it going.  Hey!  every sport needs a Dr. Evil franchise for everyone else to hate.  Philly fans should be happy it's not them the rest of the leagues hates and is jealous of, too.

In the 80's the SuperStation, TBS, a Turner commodity, attempted to bogart the name, America's Team, for the Braves.  Didn't work, did it.  How can a team from a city that can't build a freeway be hated?

The New England Pats are rising on the hate charts, courtesy of the video camera and three, lame three point SuperBowl wins(?).

MLB-

The prissy Yankees and their astronomical payroll win in an uncontested match.  How can we not hate the Yankees!  It's as easy as ' A squared + B squared = C squared.'  The highest payroll in the western hemisphere can't buy titles any more.  I love it.  Red Sox fans, quit your crying.  You're the second most hated franchise in  MLB, since your 'Johnny come lately' fans have a huge sense of entitlement.  Go back to worshipping Dennis Leary, please.

NHL-

Let's face it, Detroit is the bomb.  This is the Title Town of the NHL.   I respect the pizza franchise dictator's running of the Red Wings.   This only leaves teams with dirty players and that leaves Sean Avery, dirtbag-turd.  The NHL created a rule, during the playoffs because of this swine.   Wait, he just signed with the Stars.  Whoops!  I'm not impartial any more.  Fans are more jealous of the Red Wings than anything else.

NBA-

That's  beyond easy, since Kindergarten kids hate the Lakers.  There's nothing more to say.  At least the Police Blotter has not included Lakers lately.

MLS-

Psych.  The masses aren't watching.

Gentlemen, start your fisticuffs. 

American gluttony again took center stage on t.v. 

It's Hot Dog eating time. B-U-R-P!

Shaq jumped onstage and freestyled a nice rap in the past several days.

The target was none other than the reigning MVP, Kobe Bryant.  The hook was:

"Kobe, tell me how my ahhhssss tastes!"

This tune is actually great and might cause you to lose the funky taste of Kazaam that still resides by your #28 molar.

Follow the Yellow Brick Link below:

http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1626
146951

The lyrics will cause the Conspiracy Brothers to blog like crazy about the truth or consequences of this GREAT video.  Prepare for the Laker bloggers to jump on this like it's Area 51.  Shaq can be seen this Saturday on Soul Train, rapping his new #1 hit.

TMZ had the tape and ESPN showed it today.

I'd "pay a dollar" to hear that! (RoboCop reference, sorry!)  I did like the tune.

It may be that Shaq and Kobe aren't the great friends the media makes them out to be.

Aftermath:

Shaq-Lost his Special Sheriff badge in AZ, due to "language, etc." in the video.  I feel safer already.

Kobe-Ordered a special screening of Kazaam for L.A. area youths, which highlight's Shaq's real talent.

Suggestion: Check out the 2007 article on Kobe's tossing Shaq out of L.A.  Link below:

http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/slshusker
/2007/06/23/Kobes_eBay_post_Anyone_need_a_Bus<
/p>

During tonight's NBA beatdown, I jumped to a sports network on commercial breaks.  The ticker scrolled the American League vs. National League games.  I knew I'd have to revisit on the next  break.  The AL went 12-2 against the NL tonight.  Wow!  This includes Kansas City winning, too.  Only Toronto and Cleveland lost to N.L teams tonight.  That's ok, neither is U.S. city anyway.

Prognosticators live and die with these games, justifying the strength of one league over another.  Statistics are screwey things.

This concludes the test of the Emergency Statistics Punishment Network.  Should this have been a real emergency, the NBA Finals would not have concluded tonight.

BEAT L.A.!!!!! (I had to do that.)

Sunday's U.S. Open ended with a tie between Woods and Rocco.

"Yayyyy!  We have a Sudden Death Playoff, right now!"

Not so fast, young Jedi.  The U.S. Open settles ties with an 18 hole playoff the following day.

"What the F!  You mean I played hookey from the office on Thursday and Friday, becoming emotionally invested in this garbage, only to have my heart ripped out!  I have to go to work Monday!  I can't watch it!"

That's right.  You were hosed by the PGA and whoever is in charge of the U.S. Open.

"Wait, that means only hippies, bumbs and 12 year olds will be watching tomorrow!  The Q-ratings should be lower than 'Kobe sings Tupac's hits.'  What a waste of my heart strings."

That's right.  You'll be stuck on conference calls catching up on what you missed Thursday and Friday!

"This is not right!"

Tough, I told you that the Masters was the real tournament and all other Majors were second class!  At least the British Open features a great accent and grainy tv.

"I know, I should have listened to you, but I was watching a Danica Patrick promo and lost track. She's hot compared to those dude drivers."

So is your mother!

Don't worry.  Tiger will win because David Stern's posse has arranged for Rocco to dump shots short and right tomorrow.  Golf is rigged too!

In silent protest of the media's NBA game preview saturation and game fixing discussions, I boycotted the first half of Game 4. Hey, a guy's gotta watch a golf major and have dinner!   I'm sick of the Stern talking head appearing, stating how much of a slime bag a certain, former official is.  (Stern's job is to protect the league, period, not tell us any potential truths or lies that we may not know.)  What could I miss in the first half, since the officials were sure to give the Lakers a huge lead.(That was a joke.)

"Click!"  The U.S. Open is over for the night, time for some third quarter basketball.

"Whoa, L.A. has a huge lead!"  Shocking.

A 20 point lead went boom in the third quarter and the Celtics likely locked up the title.  (Note, I said 'likely.')  The final eight minutes were entertaining as Kobe and the Three Bears pulled a big, fat, ahoga. 

Whoops!  Lakers fans have to be distraught after this choke job.  It's time the Lakers have blown a lead, since they've often been the recipient of gobbling up a deficit this year.

Stay tuned for the "Conspiracy Posts" to populate blog-dom.  The ghost of Red lives on.

Good night, Cerritos.

Tonight the puck finally drops as the NBA Championship begins.  The hypefest has been a runaway train on all the sports networks and media sites.  Let's get on with the Basketball.  I've had it with the preview shows and prognosticators.

While we remember and long for the days of "no easy layups," as seen in past Celtics/Lakers Finals, the NBA star system will protect the name brand players.  The only question is how tightly the officials will call the game and will the star treatment be equal at the charity stripe.

In Boston, the cameras will pan on past Celtic greats, and in Lala land we'll be forced to see Hollyweirdos in prime seats, vying for camera time.  We can't get enough of Jack!   If Spike shows, someone slap him.

What subject will the television media wear us out with first, Bill Walton's loyalty to Boston and his son, the great Red vs. Phil debate, or Kobe is as great as MJ?

What I do know is that His Royal Highness, Commissioner Stern, will be perched in his booster seat, quietly reveling at the pomp surrounding this Finals.  He'll smirk, yet barely smile knowing the ad revenue and overnight ratings will be huge.

Fans of the teams not in this Finals have to pick a team, like most of us do every year.  This year it's easy.  Just pick the team you hate and cheer against them from your couch, bar stool or cell block.

Beer?  Check!  Cheetos? Check!  Remote?  Toss it across the room!

As the great philosopher, Wayne said, "Game on!"

Ok Boston Celtics, this seven game series garbage has got to stop!

Atlanta AND Cleveland took the Celtics to the mat.  The cream of the 2008 NBA has stunk up the joint in two playoff series that should never have been as competetive.  Boston played down to the level of their opponents.  Yes, Cleveland is far superior to Atlanta, yet Cleveland wouldn't see the playoffs if they were in the West. (Hold the hate mail.)

Shocking in today's Game 7 was the point total.  Both teams actually sniffed at 100 points.  That was the heart stopper for me.  Instead of watching the final minutes bored to tears at the brick laying, I paced the floor with a beer, then another.

Since when are players allowed to JUMP ON TOP OF opponents for a loose ball.  You can't go through a dude for a rebound, so what's up with that!  Two memorable loose ball exchanges resulted in a double technical and a double date.  There were more peeps laying on top of each other than at an Indigo Girls concert.  All that was missing was George "Scrap Iron" Skadaski or Ivan "The Polish Hammer" Putski!

Maybe this dude can make a shot and play D!

Hey Celtics, I've followed you guys for years and it's time for you to act like the East champs.  It's too late for the garbage ball because the Pistons have been licking their chops waiting for you to bring your poor road play to their house.   Who'd think that you could be b-slapped around by punk teams this playoff season.  Today's Game 7 was far too close and you won't get another weak opponent.  Step it up against Detroit or be crushed! 

Ainge, get your butt down to the floor and give these guys a pep talk.  Tell stories about your days vs. L.A. and playing with a great squad.  Do something to motivate these fools!  That tiny Most Valuable Executive trophy you received isn't worth squat if you lose.  I have one just like it at the office and so do plenty of other dudes.  If anyone wants one, they retail @ $29.95!  Who will remember your 40 win improvement over last year if you continually play like a rec league team in the playoffs.  Every other team is hungry and you're getting by on your 2007-8 wins rep.  It's over baby.  Step it up or get the fishing reels ready!

Play ball!

We’ve survived a sports bonanza the past week, yet why do I feel worn out and annoyed by redundancy and unanticipated sleaze?  

1) The NFL Draft-Can this event go on any longer?  Thank God the league shortened the first round selection time from 15 minutes.  The number of talking heads who claim to know the draft order gives me headaches.  Who pays to hear from these guys?  Keyshawn Johnson giving advice to anyone is suspect, for the lack of a nasty word.  Here’s a hint networks, put a babe on the panel and the boys will watch.  Put them in bikinis and Parcells will watch.  Why the avalanche of pre-draft selection shows, followed by endless post-draft shows?  Can you say overkill?   Calgon take me away!  

2) Sean Avery of the NHL Rangers is such a turd that the league created a new rule because of him DURING the playoffs.  Avery was waving his stick in the goalie’s face, obstructing his view.  Avery also spent his quality time discussing the goalie’s ex-wife.  Classy guy, that Avery!  The unnamed goalie refused to shake Avery’s hand at the end of the series.  I salute him for that.  Media hacks immediately dissed the goalie for being a poor role model to kids.  Apparently the media didn’t watch the games, but phoned in the stories.  Bad media, bad media!  Get off the keyboard.  

Karma showed up and kicked Avery in the spleen following the game.  The mouthy child was hospitalized with a lacerated spleen and the blogging world wasn’t overly disappointed at his situation.  Complications to his surgery were reported today.  How do you lacerate a spleen without a switchblade!   In March, it was reported that Avery’s phone number was in a Manhattan Madam’s little black book.  I thought hockey dudes got all the chicks…they do, for $700 an hour, with the Spitzer discount!  I’m here all week, try the veal.  

3) UEFA Champions League-Bet you don’t care what that is.  I do. The cream of the European soccer crop plays an international tournament.  This year, the last teams standing are Chelsea (blue jersey) and Manchester United (red jersey).  (Color hints were for US fans.) This all English final will be played in Moscow.  What’s the over/under on arrests?  Do the fans have to bring their own handcuffs to the game?  What are hooligans like on holiday?  Wait till May 21 to find the match buried on your cable networks. This match shows that the Premier League is the bomb!

4) Roger Clemens-This pathetic drama makes me yearn for Barry Bond’s fat head.  Mindy McCready has not denied having a sexual relationship with Clemens when she was 15!  Isn’t that a criminal act?  Clemens can kiss off his Hall of Fame election now that the media has someone to zero in on that’s not named Bonds.  Since the facts eventually surface in the East River, we’ll learn just how sleazy Roger is, and if it’s anything like his attorney, Rusty, it’ll get ugly.   Mrs. Clemens did not return my calls, but her attorney did!  Ba-da-bing!  Call me Debbie!  

5) Jason Whitlock, a dude who gets paid to write sports articles, hates everyone with a keyboard that isn’t named Jason Whitlock.   Sorry Jason, the Sherman Anti-Trust Act guarantees the public the right to blog.  Go ahead, look it up.  The internet has changed the sports information game and some cry babies want to pick up their sandbox and go home.  This isn’t the 80’s Whitlock.  Everyone gets to play.  If you’re not nice, the public may notice that you don’t have game, just the same move where you juke to the far left and cry, ‘‘Skin color foul!”  Bring that one-on-one and I’ll feed you the ball for lunch.   The blogosphere deserves better.  

Personal Rant: 

6) I spent Thursday thru Sunday at the PGA Byron Nelson Classic.  This meant I missed most of the NFL draft.  Not really, the draft will be re-played till August kickoff.   The tourney used to be in May, followed by the Hogan in Fort Worth.  This gave PGA players the opportunity to park their butts in the metro area for two weeks.  The brain trust in the PGA office decided to hose over north Texas by splitting the tournaments and moving the Byron Nelson Classic to April.  Ok, that’s a personal rant and the brainiac commissioner adjusted the schedule for 2009.   In 2007, the course was in terrible shape and half the greens were dead and embalmed!  This year only one Top Ten player showed and it was the Masters champion.  The tournament skippers missed a fantastic new course, built by D.A. Weibring after the 2007 tournament.  Eldrick Woods wasn’t missed as the new course was the show.   Eldrick also avoids the Hogan because it’s a traditional course.  There’s not a known meaning for the name Eldrick.  I think it’s a convoluted Spanish name, el Drick, meaning: Born with a wicked awesome shot.

That’s all the time I have.  Enjoy the rest of the show featuring the singing group, I Love the Lakers and Can’t Name Three East Teams.

Tonight's Finals matchup lived up to expectations as Kansas took Mempis to OT.

This game was well officiated and featured great play on both sides of the ball.  Few ticky tack calls were made and no one was gyped on their ticket price.  (Memphis fans will disagree.)

Here's why the game went to Overtime...Fun With Statistics:

.527 & .933 VS. .403 &.632

That's field goal percentage and free throw percentage. 

Kansas is the former and Memphis the latter.  Field goal percentage was my predictor for the game winner.  Strangely, Kansas trailed by nine late in the game, yet came back strong.

 Memphis blew it at the charity stripe when it mattered most, late in the game.  That doomed the gents from Memphis. (repeat) 4 of 5 inside two minutes set up the Kansas comeback.

Goat Award:  Memphis, your coach didn't teach you well.  With seven seconds and a three point lead, Memphis didn't foul a Kansas inbound to end the game!  WHAT WEREN'T YOU THINKING!!!!  We all saw a  penetration and kickout for a three to tie the game with 2.1 in regulation.  This needs to be at the top of a Top 20 Countdown Show.  Knucklehead.

Overtime was all Kansas as Memphis went cold.

The end, game over, thanks for playing, here's your Greyhound pass back to Graceland.

75-68...first since 1988

'THE' Ohio State mens basketball team took home the NIT trophy last night.  That's exactly what they did, took it home.  The trophy wasn't necessarily won, since the NIT Champion is now officially the 66th best team in the country and will crow, "See, we should have been in March Madness." 

It was like watching Bowling on ESPN Classic...why?

Apparently the Buckeyes defeated a UMASS team that was depleted by graduation and Ivy League candidates.  Congratulations on your 'trophy', Buckeyes.  Don't hate on me.  My guys won it in '96, yet I felt empty and happy to have seen a few more games on ESPN7.

The NIT tourney winner receives the equivalent of a 4th grader's participation trophy and an Eric Cartman doll.  Why is there a NIT tournament anyway?  One fourth of all NCAA Division I teams are in the tourney, so why dumb it down. (ok more exist, but are really bad.)

Even worse is an unnamed tournament that picks teams AFTER the NIT field.  Yes sports fans, this bottom feeding tournament exists.

113 teams play in post-season tournaments.

Unfortunately college basketball is too watered down to enjoy anything but March Madness.  There's greed and then there's the 66th seed.  Stop the insanity.  The NIT has been a non-event since the NCAA tourney expanded to 64+ teams.

Hey Ohio State, there better not be a parade or t-shirts celebrating this great achievement.  I hope your mamas come up and slap you for embarrassing them on semi-national-regional-PBS television. "My baby plays point guard for Syracuse...oh, your child won the NIT.  I'm so sorry for you.  Oh, the shame!"   The kid who dots the 'i' has more to be proud of than this big win.

I do have a suggestion; put that NIT trophy in a dark, athletic department closet, right next to Tom Cruise.

PacMan Jones mania is starting up.  As the draft nears, rumors pop up like busted NCAA Basketball brackets.  Who will cough up a draft pick to take the criminal urchin?   Talent be damned.  Who will sell their franchises soul to take this 'gumball machine' magnet.

My source in the know has provided me with this shot of the dancers at 'the club' right before Mr. Jones dropped his $85,000 on the stage.  I hope it passes muster with the FoxAdmin dudes.

Happy holiday, hippies! 

That is a holiday picture.  Think back to your childhood and Easter.

It's time to play Name that football blogger.

This person blogs about the English Premier League.

Here's a pic 'she' had in today's post: 

This is the post as of 6:15 PM.(The blogger changed the post after I wrote this, so the link is to the most recent version, which now includes the photos below and a blame the husband comment.  All the responder comments are also gone.  Her old posts were updated to include props to the model her face is attached to.)

http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/Hotblonde
milf/2008/03/04/They_think_its_all_over

Here's the picture from the post:

Yes, that is a lovely picture and it was even better when I saw it in Playboy a few years ago.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's the original picture of a lovely centerfold  named Charis Boyle, prior to being photoshopped.   Many American males NEVER forget a great picture.  THIS PICTURE WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL POST.  This was found on the WWW in a couple minutes, since I recognized the body and remembered the name.

I have no idea if the blogger posting under these English football posts is male, female or other.  I do know the blogger knows the sport and how to photoshop a picture.

The comments from the guys saying how hot 'she' is are the best part.

Be careful out there, boys.

(The Next Day...Amazingly 'her' original post was updated to include the pictures above, side by side and a reference to the hubby photoshopping it all.  Two additional group pictures, including Charis, suddenly appeared, too.  Also included now is an ode to Charis.   Out of place in an original sports blog, wouldn't you say?  All the original comments were deleted from many posts, too.  Strange. 

On 'her' previous blogs, she's added a 'thank you' comment about the model she used to bogart the lingerie shot.   Body doubles from 'her' blogs are Playboy Centerfolds, Playboy Cybermodels, Shirley of Hollywood Models, etc.   I know that because I'm a male and we remember a hot bod in lingerie.)

The best news coming from the NFL Free Agency Signing Period came this morning as Brett Favre announced his retirement after 16 years of service to NFL fans.

The cries of agony resonate from Green Bay.  This has been more than offset by the cries of ecstasy in Minneapolis, Chicago and Detroit.  The Black and Blue division is up for grabs in 2008.  No team has a starting QB worth an empty Grain Belt can.

Amazingly, the happiest party to the Favre retirement is Aaron "Chico" Rogers, Green Bay QB heir apparent.  

This Vikings fan living in Cowboys country has nothing but respect for the gunslinger, Favre.  Always a great watch, Favre was either going to toss a spectacular, game winning touchdown or an interception.

Brett, now that you're retired and have time, slide on down to the county courthouse, plunk down $165.00 and fill out a name change petition.  Spell it like you say it, Mr. Brett Farve!

Some free advice, Brett:

Wrangler commercials are Ok, but don't pull a Peyton Manning with commercials.

If I see you in a Viagra commercial, I will hunt you down and beat you with a yardage marker, got it!

Have a nice retirement and I hope to see you in the booth.

The past week was filled with juicy sports stories and terrible news for MLB.  Here's the Week That Was.

A) MLB  Mrs. Clemens, Debbie, has admitted to using HGH before a swimsuit photo shoot.  I wonder where McNamee injected her.  Maybe she took something orally instead.  I can't wait for the public disclosure.  Can Roger's denial about steroids and HGH be believed if he had his wife injected?  Goodbye first ballot Hall of Fame!  Sit next to Barry on the Group W bench, please.   Buh-bye.   Andy P. dropped a dime on Roger.  Here's a shot of the two preparing their testimony.  Add your own punch line. 

2) NBA Mavericks trade for Jason Kidd has hit a snag and it involves: The Early Bird Exception!  That's a legit collective bargaining clause.  It seems to be a two year qualifying event instead of three.  Whatever!  I could write the specifics, but that would involve math and stuff.  It's the weekend, thank you.  The deal can be salvaged by repackaging the contract of Christian Laetner, Keith Van Horn or some other dead dude: I can't remember which.

D) MLB Kevin Mench, AKA Shrek, has signed a minor league deal.  Rangers fans, both of em', immediately bought six game ticket packages.  Kevin is known for his large head, which still is tiny compared to the Bonds cranium.  Shrek's cap size is 8 point something.  The competition will be fierce for the extra outfielder position.  The Mench bobblehead was truly that.

If you picked up on the numbering for the first three items, you're a fan of quotes from Home Alone.

7) NBA  The Basketball Hall of Fame finalists include likely entrants: Adrian Dantley, Patrick Ewing, Hakeem Olajuwan, a couple coaches and some foreign dudes I don't know.  Look for a name player to get hosed in favor o####irl who played Iowa High School basketball and scored 20 per game. 

Q) NFL  Pats fans will be on the defensive as a former Rams player and fans have filed a $100,000, 000.00 dollar federal lawsuit.  Seems they believe the Pats pattern of cheating is racketeering.  Sic em'!    Related to this is the NFL revelation that the Pats taped Steeler defensive coaches during four games from 2001-2004, which included two AFC Championship games.  The Pats won three of the four.  Yikes!  More fodder for the flames?

Red) NBA  The All Star game is on today or tonight.  Of all the major sport All Star games, this is the best and I'm not watching this joke, either.  There's no defense and bad shooting.  It looks like a High School JV game with the hot dogging.  The hilight is Charles Barkley's mouth.  I hope Strahan retires from the NFL soon.  We need him in the booth.

3)  NASCAR  Left Turn fans rejoice over the beginning of the 2008 season.  Yes, the Daytona 500 is finally here.  "Right Turn Clyde."    I do have one suggestion to the France family.  Move the race to the week before the Super Bowl.  We have nothing to do that week.  The ratings would rule.  I'll tune into the in progress race shortly.  It's hard to choose who I cheer for.  I know I'd like to hang with Tony Stewart and b-smack Kurt Busch.  Good times.

R) Ammo was on sale this week, so I'm a happy camper.