I will never like Eli Manning.  Under any circumstances.  No.  Matter.  What.  He could set the NFL all-time passing records (unlikely) and I would begrudge him not a thing.  He could win ten superbowls, and still, I would not bedgrude him one ounce of respect.  Why you ask, do I harbor such a grudge for the man who just "Trent Dilfered" himself to a ring?  He will never be more to me than a bum.  Pure and simple.  If the Giants had Phillip Rivers they would have stormed the NFC two years ago. 

Yet Why, you may query again, do I hold such a grudge against one player?  The truth is, I hold many grudges: Texas (in all capacities), The Calgary Flames, Colorado Avalanche, New York Rangers, New York in general, Steve Francis and last, but certainly not least, Bryant "Big Country" Reeves.  But why, why do I dislike Eli above all else?  It is certainly not his hangdog expression on the field that makes you wonder if he is slow, and it is definitely not his grating, hickish southern accent.  Nor is it his theme music (certainly the dueling banjos from Delieverance).  No, not at all.  In fact, it all goes back to a man named Steve Francis and a city called Vancouver.

For my generation, the "I won't play there" game began with Eric Lindros, but for me the most vivid example remains Steve Francis.  Back when he was coming out of University, Vancouver was in the early stages of developing a fine nucleas of promising if as yet unspectacular, young players.  The Antonio Daniels debacle was over.  We needed an exciting point guard to push the ball to Big Country and Shareef Abdur-Rahim.  We certainly got the man we needed when we drafted Steve Francis aka "Stevie Franchise".  Then, he killed all the Grizzlies fans when he stated, "I will never play in Vancouver".  This guy, this guy, who had just been drafted into the league was making demands.  He should have been happy to play anywhere, the inmates do not run the asylum.  He said "no" to Vancouver.  What he did was completely devalue the entire franchise and make players who were out there giving their all, like Shareef, feel terrible.  Being Canadians we didn't do much, but had he said that in a US city?  He would have been punched repeatedly, and deserved every second of it.  When he failed to win in city after city, I cheered, always a little louder.  It is nice to see when guys like that get their comeuppance.  I mean, sure he's a multi-millionaire but he's never won anything more important than a scrabble match.  And that makes me smile.  His attitude makes me and I hope others, respect a guy like Chris Bosh even more.  He plays as hard as he can for the team that drafted him, and has been richly rewarded.  The team has seriously developed and got a star (TJ Ford) who actually wanted to go there!  Will wonders never cease? 

So, then, the reason I hate Eli Manning is because he did the same thing.  He said "no" to San Diego.  He traded on his name, as he has his entire career, and forced a draft day trade.  It is not right.  He was the first overall pick, and yet acted like it was the worst moment of his life.  What. A. Tool.  Worse still, San Diego went on to succeed while he failed, but this is a huge slap for them, and in the face of a very nice, and talented young star: Philip Rivers.  Athletes can be prima donnas, but what Eli, Eric Lindros and Steve did was absolutely, morally wrong.  Hold out for more money, leave after three seasons, take the money and play for some team wherever you want, but go where you are drafted and be damned happy about it.  Teams have to stop giving into the demands of unproven players, and the players have to learn to play where they belong.  That is what free agency is all about!  And now Eli's defence won him a Superbowl.  Oh well, has anyone seen Steve Francis anywhere? 

Viewers are dropping hockey faster than water through a sieve, something drastic has to be done to bring in new fans.  The NHL is trying, they really, really are.  New streamlined jersey's come out next year.  Sidney Crosby is almost 1/30th as overexposed as Peyton Manning (*note: That's still alot).  Gary Bettman needs a new approach.  It is getting drastic, as some sportswriters have predicted the potential folding of the NHL within the next 15 years.  So, without further ado: I have a suggestion that I strongly urge the NHL to take into consideration.  Add a 7th player to the ice for each team, and equip him with a eight-foot wooden lance.  Stick a hockey glove at the end of the lance and off we go!

Now, before you stop reading, hear me out.  A player gets a breakaway, he is skating down the ice without fear when...suddenly he is taken out from nowhere by an eight foot lance with a hockey glove stuck at the end ( for cushioning the blow).  The playing field has officially been levelled.  The days of the dominance of the Red Wings is over!  Having a lancer would be great because it would allow hockey to keep the lovable goons who are quickly becoming antiquated in the kinder, gentler, post-lockout NHL.  George Laraque could play for another ten years.  Tie Domi could make a comeback (watch out Rona Ambrose!).  Better yet, the game would become more unpredictable than Mike Tyson hanging out with Dennis Rodman.  Announcers would have to get used to the change, but saying "Federov gets lanced from behind!" would probably make up for it.  So please, NHL, do something.  Do something drastic!  We need the NHL because it is truly a joy to watch the hardest working athletes around (Try playing basketball with knives strapped to your feet).  So consider my plan NHL owners, coaches and fans.  The time for drastic is rapidly approaching.  If the lancers catch on we can go to part II of my plan to save the NHL...blindfolded lancers.