You may recall one of Dan Akroyd’s characters from Saturday Night Live back in the 1970’s, Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute.

To honor college football’s finest male prostitutes, we have the Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame. 

To qualify for selection to the Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame, college coaches must display the following characteristics over their careers:

• Short stops (2-3 years) at a school
• Accept coaching positions that either moves them from Division 1AA or a lesser Division 1A program to successively bigger Division 1A programs, culminating in a job at a BCS school or as a coach of an NFL team.
• Each stop along the way significantly improves their financial compensation package.
• They utter statements such as, “I’m here to stay” or denying rumors in the media by repeatedly denying the rumors adamantly stating "I'm not going to be the XXXX coach.”
• Taking their next job after their current teams makes it to a bowl game, but before the bowl game is actually played.  
• Be involved in controversy (recruiting violations, discipline problems, secret newsletters, NCAA probation, etc).
• Succeeded at the collegiate level but failed in the NFL.

These coaches are the antithesis of coaches such as Bobby Bowden (31 years) and Joe Paterno (42 years) who are known for longevity as their schools.  Though some fans may feel that these two coaches may have overstayed their welcome, these are two gentlemen who put their college football programs on the map and became synonymous with their schools.  

Wouldn’t you rather be known as “Coach Z" who built the program at the "U of X”?  Or would you rather be the coach at a major program where you will probably never live up to the legend of some coach who was there before you?  

So, without further adieu, here is the Class of 2007 in reverse order: 

5.  Urban Meyer – Coach Meyer barely qualifies for the Hall, but since 5 sounded like a good number, he’s included here to complete the set.  Makes one wonder if he could have built the Utes into a MWC powerhouse.  

Football Teams - Bowling Green (2 years), Utah (2 years), Florida (3 years)

4.  Dennis Franchione – Coach Fran is eminently qualified for the Hall.  Just ask any Alabama fan.  Plus, with that newsletter of his, he’s no stranger to controversy.

Football Teams - Southwest Texas State (1AA) (2 years), New Mexico (6 years), TCU (3 years), Alabama (2 years), Texas A&M (5 years) 

3.  Steve Spurrier – The “Old Ball Coach” was a touch choice, as we’ll never really know if it was money or boredom that led to his departure from Florida.

Football Teams -Tampa Bay Bandits (USFL) (3 years), Duke (3 years), Florida (12 years), Washington Redskins (NFL) (2 years), South Carolina (3 years)  

2.  Nick Saban – Though his stays at schools have gotten longer (5 years at MSU and LSU), Coach Saban took the money and ran for the NFL.  Failing at that, he high-tailed it back to the college ranks to restore some of the luster to the anemic Crimson Tide program.  This is one coach who is no stranger to controversy!

Football Teams - Toledo (1 year), Michigan State (5 years), LSU (5 years), Miami Dolphins (NFL) (2 years), Alabama (1 year)

1.  Dennis Erickson – The King of the Male Prostitutes.  Erickson readily admitted (during his tenure at OSU) to prostituting himself in his earlier days.  However, when the opportunity arose, he left OSU and returned to the NFL.  He really had to see if he was a better pro coach then his earlier stop in Seattle demonstrated.  Failing for a second time in the NFL, he took a year off before returning to the University of Idaho, only to leave after one year when Arizona State showered him with $$$$. 

Football Teams - Idaho (1AA) (4 years), Wyoming (1 year), Washington State (2 years), Miami (6 years), Seattle Seahawks (NFL) (3 years), Oregon State (4 years), San Francisco 49ers (NFL) (2 years), Idaho (1 year), Arizona State (1 year)

 NOTE:  Only Division 1AA/1A and professional coaching jobs are listed.

During June Jones' 9 year tenure as the Hawai'i head coach, the Warriors have played the following BCS conference schools:

Alabama (SEC) 3 times (2006, 2003, 2002) Record 1W, 2L

Southern California (PAC 10) 3 times (2005, 2003, 1999) Record 3L

Wisconsin (Big 10) twice (2005, 2001) Record 2L

Oregon State (PAC 10) twice (2006, 1999) Record 1W, 1L

Michigan State (Big 10) twice (2005, 2004) Record 1W, 1L

Arizona State (PAC10) once (2006) Record 1W

Northwestern (Big 10) once (2004) Record 1W

Purdue (Big 10) once (2006) Record 1W

Washington State (PAC 10) (1999) Record 1L (close loss)

*Cincinnati (Big East) once (2002) Record 1W

NOTE:  Cincinnati was not a member of the Big East in 2002, but since the only thing that has changed for them is conference affiliation, I include it here.

The record: 6-10 overall, 0-3 on the road, 6-7 at home.  They have been competetive again good middle-of the road BCS conference opponents, but have struggles against the upper-level BCS teams (USC, Wisconsin), but a pretty good record against quality BCS conference opponents none the less.  Take out the five losses to those two schools and Hawai'i is a respectable 6-5.  Again, looks like your typical middle-of-the-road BCS conference team record within conference.

Hawai'i's 3 road games against BCS opponents were:

At Alabama (2006), a game Hawai'i almost won (they nearly beat 'Bama at 'Bama's newly renovated stadium to open the season.  That game was pretty close with Hawai'i losing at the end. 

At USC - They hung with the men from Troy for much of the first half, but were overmatched the rest of the way. 

At Michigan State in 2005.  This second MSU game was crybaby John L Smith's retribution for the tail-whipping MSU suffered the year before in Hawai'i.  The Spartans were clearly outclassed in the ’04 game, but John L. blamed the officiating rather than stand up to his own coaching ineptitude.  So John L. got his revenge at home.  And even with questionable Big 10 officiating, June Jones was man enough to not cry about it after the game.  Consequently, Michigan State backed out of their 2007 game with Hawai'i by paing UH off with a few hundred thousand dollars!

Hawai'i's poor road record against BCS conference opponents is not surprising, as the Warriors are not a historically good road team. How can you be when your nearest opponent is over 2500 miles and two time zones away?

Traveling eastbound for 5 hours takes a harder toll on a person that traveling westbound, another factor in Hawaii's historically poor road record. But, to the appreciation of Warrior fans everywhere, it appears coach Jones has alleviated that problem this year, even thought three of their in-conference road wins have been ugly. But, unlike Michigan (App State), USC (Stanford), and Kentucky (Mississippi State) the ugly wins they’ve achieved on the road sure looks and feels sweeter than losing at home to lesser quality team’s you should disposed of without remorse.

So, against the BCS big boys, Hawai’i’s historical home record during Jones’ tenure looks good at 6-7.  A nearly a .500 record means they have been competitive against solid BCS conference teams, regardless of the other team’s won-loss record during the year in which they played them.  Yes, playing at home has it's advantages.

I fully expect their home-record versus the BCS conference schools to improve to 7-7 when they dispose of the Washington Huskies later this month.

It’s common knowledge this year's schedule stinks (thank you AD Herman Frazier for overstating your connections), but consider the following list of "cupcakes" that Florida State & Miami played against during their glory days in the 80's and 90's:

FSU - Memphis State, Tulsa, Western Carolina, Southern Miss, East Carolina, Southern Illinois, Tulane, Temple, Tennessee-Chattanooga, Georgia Southern, Louisiana Tech, Western Michigan, Middle Tennessee State, Wake Forest, Central Florida, Toledo, Wichita State, as well as Louisville, Pitt, Boston College, Cincinnati, Kansas, Virginia, Syracuse.

Miami - Duke, Houston, Mississippi State, Louisville, Cincinnati, East Carolina, Miami OH, Toledo, San Jose State, San Diego State, Pitt, Tulsa, Long Beach State, Oklahoma State, Rutgers, Troy State, Temple, as well as Cal and Missouri.

You don't see a lot of schools on that list that were exactly lighting up the polls during those years!

So, what does this all mean? Yes, Hawai'i is having a great year, and yes, they deserve more respect then they receive (I don’t recall anyone complaining about FSU and Miami’s cupcake schedules back in the day), but to gain the type of respect that those two Florida schools have, Hawai’i needs to not only keep winning, but must maintain a high level of consistency over several years, win WAC championships, and be competetive on the road if they want the respect they truly deserve. 

To do that, they also need the assistance of the East Coast media, many of who are are too lazy to do their jobs and stay up late to watch the Warrior's games on ESPN (do you hear me Erick Smith of USA Today?).  The problem with the media is that they jump on the bandwagon and give instant respect to schools like FSU and Miami (and USF this year).  Sure former two won a handful of national championships between them and the latter started off really hot, but again, as far as I remember, the media never 'dissed FSU nor Miami for playing cupcake schedules as much as the media has abused Hawai’i this year.

The 2007 Hawai'i team is not as bad of some pundits make them out to be, but like Ohio State (who have they played so far, other than Penn State?  Oh yeah, they got beat by Illinois too!), or Kansas for that matter, the toughest part of their schedule is ahead of them. Only time will tell if they make their second off-island bowl in school history.  Surely, they deserve credit for being one of only two undefeated Division 1A schools at this point in the season! 

I say let the season play itself out, as Hawaii's road only got tougher with Fresno State, Nevada, and Boise State taking their turns to knock the Warriors out of the WAC title chase and BCS contention.   Thankfully, the Warriors took care of the first two and the only one is left to vanquish for the WAC title and a BCS invite.  Should the Warriors get past their final WAC obstacle, and finish the season undefeated, they at least deserve a spot at the BCS banquet!

I'mua Hawaii! 

Here's hoping they bring their "A" game to finally knock out pesky foe Boise State!
GO WARRIORS!