With a title like College Gameday, you would think this program was all about college football. Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not! After all, how, in a span of two hours can you talk about every single college game being played on a given Saturday afternoon?
Well, you can’t, you just can’t. So, wouldn’t the next best thing be to talk about the Top 25 teams in Division 1A? Probably, but while that seems a more likely scenario, that sad truth is that College Gameday doesn’t even come close to mentioning all teams in the Top 25 on a given Saturday! It’s more like America’s most irrelevant reality show.
In reality, College Gameday is a device ESPN employs to entice the viewer into watching the programming on its various channels (ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN Classic, and ABC).
The show usually begins with a discussion of pertinent storylines of the week, and heads into some critique on the number 1 or number 2 teams, or a story on a top five match-up. Beyond that, the show devolves into a conference by conference breakdown of alleged top 25 action.
The first conference up for discussion is typically the SEC, mainly for the effect of influencing the viewer that the SEC is indeed the number 1 conference in college football and that pound-for-pound, the SEC is beyond par of the other BCS conferences. Watch closely as Kirk Herbstreit mugs the camera, ever the pretty-boy trying to kiss up to all the SEC fans watching this self-fulfilling prophecy. Herbie knows if you say something you believe to be true enough times, it really becomes the truth. What’s real subliminal here is that all SEC schools get a mention during this time, not just the ones in the top 25, again furthering the belief that the SEC is indeed the best.
The diatribes over the games are usually superficial and the crew always gets in a mention of the old ball coach or some SEC candidate for the Heisman or Outland trophies.
Next up is the ACC, where the discussion centers on Miami, Florida State, and Virginia Tech. The boys at ESPN have to discuss these teams, as ESPN these three programs on the college football map. Think about it, before ESPN, who ever heard of the Hurricanes, Seminoles, or Hokies? What the heck is a Hokie anyway? Some mention may or may not be made about the remaining teams in the conference, especially when it’s near season’s end and they start talking about the ACC-Coastal division or the ACC-whatever division.
About now, its time for some kind of feel good story about a player or team (USF football players getting Mohawk haircuts), or talk about some 1AA action like Yale-Harvard or something. Just to lighten things up after all this serious discussion about the SEC and ACC.
From there, the guys talk up the Big East and Big 10, where it’s all about Ohio State and Michigan. In the Big East, USF, Cincinnati, UCONN, and Rutgers seemed to be the big stories this year, with Louisville dropping off the map faster than you can say Brian Brohm! About this time, Herbstreit starts looking constipated as he tries to remain impartial when talking about the Buckeyes and Wolverines. Wisconsin and Penn State may also get a mention, but the talk usually attempts to further their perpetual myth that the Big 10 is down this year.
After a commercial, the boys head off to the Big XII to talk up Oklahoma, Texas, and Nebraska. K-State may get a mention (now that they’re not so good, they hardly ever do), but this year Kansas and Missouri got some air time, if only to talk about the Jayhawk’s weak schedule, Mizzou’s inability to beat OU, as well as Gary Pinkel’s supposed position on the hot-seat, Mangino’s weight problem, or the lack of stature of Chase Daniel and the KU quarterback.
Another feel good story follows something like the story of Indiana’s late coach Terry Hoeppner’s wife’s efforts to encourage the Hoosiers team this year, or Oregon State’s Mike Cavanaugh’s wife who received a kidney from a fellow assistant coach. The PAC 10 is up next, where the story is all about USC, maybe UCLA, and if they’re playing good, Oregon, California, and Arizona State. None of the other schools get mentioned, not even when the talk centers on becoming bowl eligible. The PAC 10 segment is typically the shortest of all, and always seems as if they’ve been shortchanged, again proving that East Coast media bias is alive and well.
By now, time is running short, so non-BCS schools in the Top 25 such as Boise State, BYU, or Hawai’i get nary a mention. There’s maybe a short blurb on CUSA, the MAC, MWC, and possibly the WAC, but you might miss it if you blink your eyes. Instead it’s on to Desmond Howard’s comedic piece, where he comes across as if doing things that guys do on the Man Show or MTV’s Jackas.s. It makes you feel really bad for Desmond, as he’s a Heisman trophy winner who could be used more effectively rather than just for comic relief.
Next, Fowler runs down several big games where Corso and Herbstreit review their picks. Corso is not afraid to pick against his alma mater, but Herbie is more calculated in that respect. This year, he munches out of some picks because he is calling the game with Brent Musberger. The show ends with Corso pulling a mascot’s head out of trunk.
By looking at the personalities involved in this production, one gains an understanding of how truly irrelevant this program really is.
The host, Chris Fowler, is a graduate of the University of Colorado, a Big XII school. Fowler prides himself in his ability to appear as if he is impartial, but tosses such soft pitches, that he’s never succeed at slow-pitch! You would think, being from Colorado, he would do better in talking up western schools by squashing the east coast bias. Highly unlikely!
Lee Corso (Florida State University -ACC), is the #### Vitale of College Gameday. You either love him or you hate him. He’s there solely for the entertainment value. He’s all about craziness and excitability. Wouldn’t you be if you had to put on a stupid mascot’s head? As a former coach, he also brings a coach’s perspective to the show, but Corso had no coaching stints west of the Mississippi. Another east coast representative. One plus is that he is not afraid to pick against FSU. His catchphrase, “Not so fast my friend”, usually uttered to Kirk, though ubiquitous, is a whole lot cooler than Stuart Scott’s silly playground drivel “boo yah!” on SportsCenter.
Kirk Herbstreit, a graduate of The Ohio State University (Big 10) is the all-American pretty-boy talking head whose sole purpose is to bring female viewers to the table. An SEC brown-noser who is afraid to talk about his alma mater, he typically points out all the flaws with the Michigan program. Kirk has a true disdain for the PAC 10, WAC, MWC, and Colt Brennan.
The Gameday supporting cast typically delivers half-time and post-game reports and consists of:
Reece Davis, a University of Alabama (SEC), alum who once picked a fight with Hawai’i coach June Jones during the BCS selection special. Davis was trying to denigrate Colt Brennan by calling him a “system” quarterback, but Coach Jones turned the tables on him and Reece misunderstood everything that Jones said. Reece came out with egg on his face while also inflaming Mark May and Herbie. Graduating from the same school that Forrest Gump attended explains it all!
Mark May, who attended Pittsburgh of the Big East, gives an Oscar worthy performance as the angry black man. A former offensive lineman who played in the NFL, he has strong opinions on things and isn’t afraid to mix it up with the rest of the cast, especially with Lou Holtz. May is another one who doesn’t like non-BCS programs. His best comments, however, are reserved for those programs such as Southern Mississippi that either fire or force out successful head coaches because they believe they are better than they really are.
Lou Holtz is a former Notre Dame coach and graduate of Kent State University (MAC). Holtz has a lisp and comes across sounding like Sylvester the Cat. Most people can’t bear to listen to him, but his role is to also give a coach’s perspective and provide someone to be picked on because of Notre Dame. The farthest west team he’s coached was Arkansas, which is more southern than western. Holtz provides honest analysis, a silly pep talk, and a fascinating magic trick.
Desmond Howard, from Michigan of the Big 10, is the other African-American on the show. A former Heisman trophy winner, Howard isn’t as polished in delivery as Mark May, but come across as eager and honest. However, the role he’s been given makes him look like a court jester, kind of like Martin Lawrence in Black Knight.
Lastly, while we’re at it, why not mention a few other Gameday contributors:
Jesse Palmer, former University of Florida (SEC) quarterback who failed miserably in pro ball is the other resident pretty boy charged with luring in the female fans. Guys will like him because he’s a former player, but he’s really the equivalent of Lisa Guerrero. He adds no value whatsoever. Who gave this guy his credibility? He’s another non-BCS school hater.
Craig James from Southern Methodist University (SWC – now CUSA). He's famous for calling Jo Pa out on national TV. He’s now on the Penn State most wanted list. His brother Chris played baseball for the Cleveland Indians and is the more likeable one. The “Pony’s” delivery leads one to believe he’s a southern country bumpkin. He’s another guy with a lack of respect for western schools.
Doug Flutie, another former Heisman trophy winner, attended Boston College (ACC). Flutie parlayed his 15 minutes of fame into a long career in the CFL and NFL. His role is to represent the little man (literally), the underdog, and the average Joe. He usually delivers good analysis, especially about offenses, but always ends up talking about the play with Phelan against Miami.
No wonder after watching Gameday one feels like they’ve watched an SEC recruiting film, let alone know that there’s college football or a BCS conference or two west of the Mississippi! All of these talking heads (except for the Pony) have spent their time talking east coast football. No surprise here that the PAC 10 gets no respect!
Recently, Ed Cunningham, who attended the University of Washington and Robert Smith, who played at "The" Ohio State have been in the studio during the pre, halftime, and post-game shows. Regular contributors to ESPN's College Football Live, Ed and Robert bring credible, balanced, thoughtful and unbiased perspective to the table. No editorializing here. In fact, College Football Live appears to be a better program than College Gameday! Let’s hope these two guys end up permanently replacing Herbie & Palmer.
To tell you the truth, I only watch ESPN's College Gameday to reinforce my belief that the East Coast media bias really exists. I won't get into discussing all of Gameday's flaws here (that's the subject of a future post), but thought it was pertinent to discuss all the chatter this week about poor 'ole Kirk Herbstreit!
After reading all of them, I couldn't stop thinking that Herbie's gotta go! Hmmmmm! That tune sounds familiar! Oh yeah, Aerosmith! By putting two and two together, here's my humble attempt at writing a parody worthy enough for Weird Al Yankovic.
To the tune of Aerosmith's "Janie's Got a Gun", we have "Herbie's Gotta Go!".
NOTE: If you don't like (Lee) CORSO, MARK MAY, (Desmond) HOWARD, (Lou) HOLTZ's, (Chris) FOWLER, or even (Jesse) PALMER or (Reece) DAVIS, substitute the appropriate name in bold and make up your own lyrics!
Herbie's Gotta Go
Dumb, dumb, dumb, Herbie you’ve sunk so low Dumb, dumb, dumb we know that you’re a schmo. Dumb, dumb, dumb, Herbie when will you go? Dumb, dumb, dumb it's the sound
Herbie’s gotta go Herbie’s gotta go His mouth is full of blow A rumor from some 'ole Joe What did Kirk Herbie do? Miles won’t be Maize and Blue! They said when Herbie’s soul recanted they found him underneath a desk But man, he has it comin' So now Herbie's gotta go didn’t OSU just hire this pest?
Herbie’s gotta go Herbie’s gotta go His dog day's just begun Now everyone’s in on the fun Tell me now it's untrue. What did ‘ole Kirk Herbstreit do? He smacked a little bitty rumor This man is full of buckeye pooh They say the spell that he was under the lightning and the thunder knew that Herbie sabotaged the Blue
Go away, go away go away from our pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah Go away go away from our pain yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Go away, go away, go, go away
Herbie’s gotta go Herbie’s gotta go His dog day's come you know Now everybody wants him to go Why help out LSU? ’Cause he’s got a low I.Q. He tried to take Les down easy to keep from rakin’ in the dough He said 'cause nobody believes me. This man is such a sleeze. Herbie’s always gonna be a schmo.
Go away, Go away from our pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah Go away go away from our pain yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Go away, go away, go, go away
Herbie’s gotta go Herbie’s gotta go Herbie’s gotta go Everybody is in the know
Herbie's gotta go His hair’s a poor man’s fro Now ‘ole Captain Kirk must make it so Because Herbie's gotta go Herbie’s gotta go His replay ends the show ’Cause everybody wants him to go Herbie’s gotta go
I am an avowed "West Coast" college football fan who happens to live between Big 12 and Big 10 country and spends many a late Saturday night watching football from the "conference of champions".
While I am not an SEC-hater, I do believe SEC fans have a tendency to think too highly of their teams, without knowing much about football beyond the confines of dixieland.
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about college football. Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not! After all, how, in a span of two hours can you talk about every single college game being played on a given Saturday afternoon? 
Herbie’s gotta go
Herbie's gotta go
