You may recall one of Dan Akroyd’s characters from Saturday Night Live back in the 1970’s, Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute.
To honor college football’s finest male prostitutes, we have the Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame.
To qualify for selection to the Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame, college coaches must display the following characteristics over their careers:
Short stops (2-3 years) at a school
Accept coaching positions that either moves them from Division 1AA or a lesser Division 1A program to successively bigger Division 1A programs, culminating in a job at a BCS school or as a coach of an NFL team.
Each stop along the way significantly improves their financial compensation package.
They utter statements such as, “I’m here to stay” or denying rumors in the media by repeatedly denying the rumors adamantly stating "I'm not going to be the XXXX coach.”
Taking their next job after their current teams makes it to a bowl game, but before the bowl game is actually played.
Be involved in controversy (recruiting violations, discipline problems, secret newsletters, NCAA probation, etc).
Succeeded at the collegiate level but failed in the NFL.
These coaches are the antithesis of coaches such as Bobby Bowden (31 years) and Joe Paterno (42 years) who are known for longevity as their schools. Though some fans may feel that these two coaches may have overstayed their welcome, these are two gentlemen who put their college football programs on the map and became synonymous with their schools.
Wouldn’t you rather be known as “Coach Z" who built the program at the "U of X”? Or would you rather be the coach at a major program where you will probably never live up to the legend of some coach who was there before you?
So, without further adieu, here is the Class of 2007 in reverse order:
5. Urban Meyer – Coach Meyer barely qualifies for the Hall, but since 5 sounded like a good number, he’s included here to complete the set. Makes one wonder if he could have built the Utes into a MWC powerhouse.
Football Teams - Bowling Green (2 years), Utah (2 years), Florida (3 years)
4. Dennis Franchione – Coach Fran is eminently qualified for the Hall. Just ask any Alabama fan. Plus, with that newsletter of his, he’s no stranger to controversy.
Football Teams - Southwest Texas State (1AA) (2 years), New Mexico (6 years), TCU (3 years), Alabama (2 years), Texas A&M (5 years)
3. Steve Spurrier – The “Old Ball Coach” was a touch choice, as we’ll never really know if it was money or boredom that led to his departure from Florida.
Football Teams -Tampa Bay Bandits (USFL) (3 years), Duke (3 years), Florida (12 years), Washington Redskins (NFL) (2 years), South Carolina (3 years)
2. Nick Saban – Though his stays at schools have gotten longer (5 years at MSU and LSU), Coach Saban took the money and ran for the NFL. Failing at that, he high-tailed it back to the college ranks to restore some of the luster to the anemic Crimson Tide program. This is one coach who is no stranger to controversy!
Football Teams - Toledo (1 year), Michigan State (5 years), LSU (5 years), Miami Dolphins (NFL) (2 years), Alabama (1 year)
1. Dennis Erickson – The King of the Male Prostitutes. Erickson readily admitted (during his tenure at OSU) to prostituting himself in his earlier days. However, when the opportunity arose, he left OSU and returned to the NFL. He really had to see if he was a better pro coach then his earlier stop in Seattle demonstrated. Failing for a second time in the NFL, he took a year off before returning to the University of Idaho, only to leave after one year when Arizona State showered him with $$$$.
Football Teams - Idaho (1AA) (4 years), Wyoming (1 year), Washington State (2 years), Miami (6 years), Seattle Seahawks (NFL) (3 years), Oregon State (4 years), San Francisco 49ers (NFL) (2 years), Idaho (1 year), Arizona State (1 year)
NOTE: Only Division 1AA/1A and professional coaching jobs are listed.
I love it. You should add something about lobbying to be included in the BCS game (an ultimate act of prostitution) and then you could have fun with people like Bob Stoops too.
Keep in mind, however, that before taking over at Florida State, Bowden was head coach at West Virginia. So coaches who change schools may end up being the long-tenured, well-respected old men of the game years from now, just as Bowden and Paterno have become for their schools.
I think Spurrier's run to the NFL was about ego, and how could he pass up the bucks Dan Snyder likes the throw around? Saban was the same way. Once their teams have won a national championship, what else is there to prove? Let's go win a Super Bowl now.
Cygnus - I agree about Spurrier, it's all about "ego" in this day and age. I thought I'd include him on here just for fun (besides the fact that I'm no fan of his).
You're right about winning the national championship, though I think a coach should stay to try and win consecutive championships or at least forge a dynasty that over time leaves them synonymous with their school. Pete Carroll comes close to meeting that criteria.
Last edited by rjm2179 on December 5th at 5:26 PM.
jdcross - Yep, I knew about Bowden at West Virginia, but hadn't figured out how to work that aspect into the equation.
I think it really is about the difference between "career progression" and "male prostitution". For example, Dan Hawkins fits the mold of a career progression coach. He coached at Willamette (OR) for 5 years, showing incremental improvement each year and making it to the NAIA championship in his final year.
He then moved on to Boise State where he served as an assistant before taking over for Dirk Koetter when the latter left for Arizona State. During his tenure with the Broncos, Hawkins had 5 winning seasons, and four bowl appearances, winning two.
In 2006, he took over a failing Colorado program stained by the Gary Barnett era. Coach Hawkins' stays at Willamette and Boise State were long enough to cycle through recruits, showing that he was able to succeed with his own players, building the program on his own, or continuing to improve upon the successes of prior coaches. Time will tell how he does at Colorado.
One last point. It seems that every year their is a hot coach, the "latest" up and comer. Urban Meyer fit that mold at the end of the 2004 season. Both Les Miles, Gary Pinkel, and Chris Peterson fit that mold this year, though Miles is already at one of the better SEC programs. The decisions a hot coach makes can either land them on the career progression list, or as a Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute Hall of Shame inductee.
Last edited by rjm2179 on December 5th at 5:25 PM.
degraff - No hard feelings over the Civil War I hope?
I was actually thinking about Mike Bellotti & Rich Brooks and where they fit into the scheme of things.
For Brooks, I see him as a career progression coach. He got Oregon started on the path to success before jumpint to the NFL. I can't blame him for that. Who wouldn't jump at the chance to become a head coach in the NFL if asked? His return to the college level at Kentucky rescued them from the dregs of probation and NCAA sanctions. Though their overall record this year is disappointing (7-5), Kentucky fans need to remember that they're in the SEC. Patience is a must!
As for Bellotti, do you remember when Ohio State was looking for a coach to replace John Cooper? If memory serves me right, Bellotti interviewed for the job but turned it down. He did, however, parlay the interest (in him as a hot coach that year) into a lucrative contract extension with the Ducks. He too is a career progression coach.
Dennis Erickson also qualifies for unleashing the plague that is Chad Johnson on the football world. While at OSU, a quarter school, Johnson managed to earn ZERO credits and still play in a bowl game. Astounding? Yes, indeed. Johnsons's selfishness, and poor attitude have managed to destroy a promising Bengal team, and taint the entire NFL. Coaches should definitely get extra points for the kind of players they employ, even if they don't really go to school.
I am an avowed "West Coast" college football fan who happens to live between Big 12 and Big 10 country and spends many a late Saturday night watching football from the "conference of champions".
While I am not an SEC-hater, I do believe SEC fans have a tendency to think too highly of their teams, without knowing much about football beyond the confines of dixieland.
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