With a title like College Gameday, you would think this program was all about college football.  Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not!  After all, how, in a span of two hours can you talk about every single college game being played on a given Saturday afternoon?  

Well, you can’t, you just can’t.  So, wouldn’t the next best thing be to talk about the Top 25 teams in Division 1A?  Probably, but while that seems a more likely scenario, that sad truth is that College Gameday doesn’t even come close to mentioning all teams in the Top 25 on a given Saturday!  It’s more like America’s most irrelevant reality show.

In reality, College Gameday is a device ESPN employs to entice the viewer into watching the programming on its various channels (ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN Classic, and ABC).

The show usually begins with a discussion of pertinent storylines of the week, and heads into some critique on the number 1 or number 2 teams, or a story on a top five match-up.  Beyond that, the show devolves into a conference by conference breakdown of alleged top 25 action.

The first conference up for discussion is typically the SEC, mainly for the effect of influencing the viewer that the SEC is indeed the number 1 conference in college football and that pound-for-pound, the SEC is beyond par of the other BCS conferences.  Watch closely as Kirk Herbstreit mugs the camera, ever the pretty-boy trying to kiss up to all the SEC fans watching this self-fulfilling prophecy.  Herbie knows if you say something you believe to be true enough times, it really becomes the truth.  What’s real subliminal here is that all SEC schools get a mention during this time, not just the ones in the top 25, again furthering the belief that the SEC is indeed the best.

The diatribes over the games are usually superficial and the crew always gets in a mention of the old ball coach or some SEC candidate for the Heisman or Outland trophies.

Next up is the ACC, where the discussion centers on Miami, Florida State, and Virginia Tech.  The boys at ESPN have to discuss these teams, as ESPN these three programs on the college football map.  Think about it, before ESPN, who ever heard of the Hurricanes, Seminoles, or Hokies?  What the heck is a Hokie anyway?  Some mention may or may not be made about the remaining teams in the conference, especially when it’s near season’s end and they start talking about the ACC-Coastal division or the ACC-whatever division.

About now, its time for some kind of feel good story about a player or team (USF football players getting Mohawk haircuts), or talk about some 1AA action like Yale-Harvard or something.  Just to lighten things up after all this serious discussion about the SEC and ACC.

From there, the guys talk up the Big East and Big 10, where it’s all about Ohio State and Michigan.  In the Big East, USF, Cincinnati, UCONN, and Rutgers seemed to be the big stories this year, with Louisville dropping off the map faster than you can say Brian Brohm!  About this time, Herbstreit starts looking constipated as he tries to remain impartial when talking about the Buckeyes and Wolverines.  Wisconsin and Penn State may also get a mention, but the talk usually attempts to further their perpetual myth that the Big 10 is down this year.

After a commercial, the boys head off to the Big XII to talk up Oklahoma, Texas, and Nebraska.  K-State may get a mention (now that they’re not so good, they hardly ever do), but this year Kansas and Missouri got some air time, if only to talk about the Jayhawk’s weak schedule, Mizzou’s inability to beat OU, as well as Gary Pinkel’s supposed position on the hot-seat, Mangino’s weight problem, or the lack of stature of Chase Daniel and the KU quarterback.

Another feel good story follows something like the story of Indiana’s late coach Terry Hoeppner’s wife’s efforts to encourage the Hoosiers team this year, or Oregon State’s Mike Cavanaugh’s wife who received a kidney from a fellow assistant coach.  The PAC 10 is up next, where the story is all about USC, maybe UCLA, and if they’re playing good, Oregon, California, and Arizona State.  None of the other schools get mentioned, not even when the talk centers on becoming bowl eligible.  The PAC 10 segment is typically the shortest of all, and always seems as if they’ve been shortchanged, again proving that East Coast media bias is alive and well.

By now, time is running short, so non-BCS schools in the Top 25 such as Boise State, BYU, or Hawai’i get nary a mention.  There’s maybe a short blurb on CUSA, the MAC, MWC, and possibly the WAC, but you might miss it if you blink your eyes.  Instead it’s on to Desmond Howard’s comedic piece, where he comes across as if doing things that guys do on the Man Show or MTV’s Jackas.s.   It makes you feel really bad for Desmond, as he’s a Heisman trophy winner who could be used more effectively rather than just for comic relief.

Next, Fowler runs down several big games where Corso and Herbstreit review their picks.  Corso is not afraid to pick against his alma mater, but Herbie is more calculated in that respect.  This year, he munches out of some picks because he is calling the game with Brent Musberger.  The show ends with Corso pulling a mascot’s head out of trunk.

By looking at the personalities involved in this production, one gains an understanding of how truly irrelevant this program really is. 

The host, Chris Fowler, is a graduate of the University of Colorado, a Big XII school.  Fowler prides himself in his ability to appear as if he is impartial, but tosses such soft pitches, that he’s never succeed at slow-pitch!  You would think, being from Colorado, he would do better in talking up western schools by squashing the east coast bias.  Highly unlikely!

Lee Corso (Florida State University -ACC), is the #### Vitale of College Gameday.  You either love him or you hate him.  He’s there solely for the entertainment value.  He’s all about craziness and excitability.  Wouldn’t you be if you had to put on a stupid mascot’s head?  As a former coach, he also brings a coach’s perspective to the show, but Corso had no coaching stints west of the Mississippi.  Another east coast representative.  One plus is that he is not afraid to pick against FSU.  His catchphrase, “Not so fast my friend”, usually uttered to Kirk, though ubiquitous, is a whole lot cooler than Stuart Scott’s silly playground drivel “boo yah!” on SportsCenter.

Kirk Herbstreit, a graduate of The Ohio State University (Big 10) is the all-American pretty-boy talking head whose sole purpose is to bring female viewers to the table.  An SEC brown-noser who is afraid to talk about his alma mater, he typically points out all the flaws with the Michigan program.  Kirk has a true disdain for the PAC 10, WAC, MWC, and Colt Brennan.

The Gameday supporting cast typically delivers half-time and post-game reports and consists of:

Reece Davis, a University of Alabama (SEC), alum who once picked a fight with Hawai’i coach June Jones during the BCS selection special.  Davis was trying to denigrate Colt Brennan by calling him a “system” quarterback, but Coach Jones turned the tables on him and Reece misunderstood everything that Jones said.  Reece came out with egg on his face while also inflaming Mark May and Herbie.  Graduating from the same school that Forrest Gump attended explains it all!

Mark May, who attended Pittsburgh of the Big East, gives an Oscar worthy performance as the angry black man. A former offensive lineman who played in the NFL, he has strong opinions on things and isn’t afraid to mix it up with the rest of the cast, especially with Lou Holtz.  May is another one who doesn’t like non-BCS programs.  His best comments, however, are reserved for those programs such as Southern Mississippi that either fire or force out successful head coaches because they believe they are better than they really are.

Lou Holtz is a former Notre Dame coach and graduate of Kent State University (MAC).  Holtz has a lisp and comes across sounding like Sylvester the Cat. Most people can’t bear to listen to him, but his role is to also give a coach’s perspective and provide someone to be picked on because of Notre Dame.  The farthest west team he’s coached was Arkansas, which is more southern than western.  Holtz provides honest analysis, a silly pep talk, and a fascinating magic trick.  

Desmond Howard, from Michigan of the Big 10, is the other African-American on the show.  A former Heisman trophy winner, Howard isn’t as polished in delivery as Mark May, but come across as eager and honest.  However, the role he’s been given makes him look like a court jester, kind of like Martin Lawrence in Black Knight.    

Lastly, while we’re at it, why not mention a few other Gameday contributors:

Jesse Palmer, former University of Florida (SEC) quarterback who failed miserably in pro ball is the other resident pretty boy charged with luring in the female fans.  Guys will like him because he’s a former player, but he’s really the equivalent of Lisa Guerrero.  He adds no value whatsoever.  Who gave this guy his credibility?  He’s another non-BCS school hater.

Craig James from Southern Methodist University (SWC – now CUSA).  He's famous for calling Jo Pa out on national TV.  He’s now on the Penn State most wanted list.  His brother Chris played baseball for the Cleveland Indians and is the more likeable one.  The “Pony’s” delivery leads one to believe he’s a southern country bumpkin.  He’s another guy with a lack of respect for western schools.

Doug Flutie, another former Heisman trophy winner, attended Boston College (ACC).  Flutie parlayed his 15 minutes of fame into a long career in the CFL and NFL.  His role is to represent the little man (literally), the underdog, and the average Joe.  He usually delivers good analysis, especially about offenses, but always ends up talking about the play with Phelan against Miami.

No wonder after watching Gameday one feels like they’ve watched an SEC recruiting film, let alone know that there’s college football or a BCS conference or two west of the Mississippi!  All of these talking heads (except for the Pony) have spent their time talking east coast football.  No surprise here that the PAC 10 gets no respect!

Recently, Ed Cunningham, who attended the University of Washington and Robert Smith, who played at "The" Ohio State have been in the studio during the pre, halftime, and post-game shows.  Regular contributors to ESPN's College Football Live, Ed and Robert bring credible, balanced, thoughtful and unbiased perspective to the table.  No editorializing here.  In fact, College Football Live appears to be a better program than College Gameday!  Let’s hope these two guys end up permanently replacing Herbie & Palmer.

This one is for all you Michigan fans out there.  May all your Christmas wishes come true!

Driving home from work today while stuck in traffic, the late John Lennon's Christmas song, Happy Christmas (War is Over) came on the radio.  As I pondered my fate in that four lane parking lot, it hit me!  So this is Christmas.....So Rich Rodriguez........and another song parody was begun.

Rich Rodriguez (Search is Over)

So Rich Rodriguez

Let's see what you've done

A Maize and Blue lover

Offensive spread and the run

And so Rich Rodriguez

I hope you have fun

A Michigan man now

Just please everyone

A happy coach Rodriguez

Joins the mighty Wolverine

Let’s hope he’s a great one

With drive to be mean

And so Rich Rodriguez

Left weak to join strong

Coach Rich left the poor ones

This world can’t be wrong

And so Rich Rodriguez

For Maize and for Blue

Beat Buckeyes and Spartans

You’ll pound them won’t you?

A happy coach Rodriguez

Joins the mighty Wolverine

Let’s hope he’s a great one

With drive to be mean

And so Rich Rodriguez

Just what have you done?

Another search over

And a new one just begun

And so Rich Rodriguez

Do pass more than run

The Big 10 is better

Than Mountaineer dung

A happy coach Rodriguez

Joins the mighty Wolverine

Let’s hope he’s a great one

With drive to be mean

Search is over...over

If you want it

Search is over

Now…

Rich Rodriguez, newly annointed savior & coach of the Maize & Blue Michigan Wolverines, late of the West Virginia Mountaineers is the newest inductee into the Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame.  He is the first Hispanic to win the award.

Unbelievably, Rodriguez left his alma mater to take on the task of bringing Michigan back to respectability in the Big 10 conference and in the national rankings. 

According to Coach Rodriguez, "It was a very difficult decision to leave a place where I grew up.....It was going to take a very special opportunity and a very special place and I think that's what this is.....Unless you're a Hatfield or McCoy, Michigan is defintely a better place to be than West Virginia."

Let's hope that there are no home games scheduled against Division 1AA teams in the "Big House" in the foreseeable future.

Apparently Rodriguez was Michigan's third choice after both Les Miles (LSU) and Greg Schiano (Rutgers) turned down the Maize & Blue's attempt to replace the retiring Lloyd Carr.  I guess the third time's a charm!  Hopefully he won't end up like Ty Willingham at Notre Dame.

"[I] might have been my wife's third choice, too," Rodriguez quipped.

Rodriguez met five of the seven criterions needed for induction into the Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame notably:

1) Accepting coaching positions that either moves them from Division 1AA or a lesser Division 1A program to successively bigger Division 1A programs, culminating in a job at a traditional BCS power.

2) Significantly improves his financial compensation package.

3) Taking his next job (Michigan) after his former team (West Virginia) made it to a bowl game, but before the bowl game is actually played.  

4) State that the school he was at (WVU) was his dream job, or deny rumors that he is looking at other opportunities.  

According to West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin, Rodriguez, is a native West Virginian  "whose only wish was to play football at WVU" and as "a young man whose only wish was to coach at WVU!"  So much for loyalty in this day and age!

5) Generate controversy.  Rodriguez barely skates in under this criterion, as his only controversy involves the handling of the buyout clause in his West Virginia contract and whether or not he will coach the Mountaineers in the upcoming Fiesta Bowl. 

Rodriguez is no stranger to success, having served as Tommy Bowden's offensive coordinator at Tulane, where the Green Wave went 12-0 in 1998 with quarterback Shaun King (who?) running his spread offense.  After following Bowden to Clemson, Rodriguez was selected to lead the West Virginia Mountaineers out of obscurity and into the upper echelon of the Big East conference. 

His penultimate accomplishment of the 2007 season was leading his then #2 ranked West Virginia team to a devastating & demoralizing loss against an underdog Pittsburgh Panther team (led by a crippled coach) in the backyard brawl.  The loss eliminated any possibility that the Mountaineers would play in the national championship game.

Good luck at Michigan Rich!  Let's see if you can do any better than Lloyd Carr against Ohio State!

Charles Barkley, who was known as the “Round Mound of Rebound” during his basketball career, announced the winners of his 2007 “Barkley” awards that honor coaching ineptitude in the National Football League.  

Barkley, a diehard college football fan stated, “I don’t know why so many coaches at the college level think they can go pro!  Too often, they fail to realize that in the pros, you’re dealing with men, not boys, and success doesn’t always translate.”  

'Sir' Charles created the “Round Mound of Rebound” or “Barkley” awards in 1999 to recognize those successful college coaches who fail miserably in the NFL.  These coaches, in a fit of ego inducement, take their success at the college level and attempt to make it in the NFL. 

More often than not, these coaches fail.  Barkley, sensing their despair over failing at the top, felt it only fitting to use his "Round Mound of Rebound" moniker as the name of the award since failure in the NFL has not impeded their ability to "rebound" in the college ranks, restore their self-esteem, and renew their winning ways.  

A panel, consisting of one FoxSports blogger, chose this year’s winners.  The awardees include the first two-time winner in the history of the Barkley’s, Dennis Erickson.

DENNIS ERICKSON

Coach Erickson is now a two time winner of the award, having previously won in 1999 while with the Oregon State Beavers to their first winning season in 28 years.  A successful college coach with stints at Idaho, Wyoming, Washington State, and Miami, Erickson parlayed his two national championships into a job with the Seattle Seahawks in 1995.  Erickson spent four seasons in the NFL amassing an impressive 31-33 record of mediocrity.  

Like a drug addict, however, the need for a “fix” was too great for Erickson, who skipped town on the Beavers in 2003 to take on a rebuilding project with the San Francisco 49ers.  But, his eyes were bigger than his stomach and Erickson only managed a 9-23 record over two seasons.  Consequently, Erickson returned to his true love, the college game, first at Idaho for a season, and then with the Arizona State Sun Devils, barely missing a spot in a BCS bowl game.

NICK SABAN

Saban parlayed success at three schools (Toledo, Michigan State, LSU) into the top job with the Miami Dolphins.  Becoming more successful at each stop along the way, Saban landed in Miami with great expectations.  With Dolphins, however, he guided the team to two less than stellar seasons and no playoff appearances!  Apparently, he came to the dismal realization that success at the college level does not always translate to a successful NFL career.  This astounding piece of insight on his part resulted in Saban’s sudden, secretly announced return to the college ranks as the ninth heir to the great Bear Bryant at the University of Alabama.  Roll Tide!

BOBBY PETRINO

Petrino after a successful stint leading the Louisville Cardinals into the Big East Conference, jumped at the chance to be an NFL head coach with the Atlanta Falcons.  In his four years at Louisville, Petrino led the Cardinals to two one-loss seasons and one BCS bowl appearance.  With his ego fulfilled, Petrino sought to improve his stance as a hot, up and coming coach, by guiding the Vickless Falcons in 2007.  Sadly, he only lasted 13 games into the season before resigning with a shameless 3-10 record, in order to take the top job at the University of Arkansas!  His excuse for leaving, “At Louisville, I had Brian Brohm.  I was expecting to have Michael Vick as my starting QB with the Falcons, but Vick just couldn't stay out of jail!” 

The University of Arkansas has high expectations for Petrino.  More like wishful thinking on their part!  Razorback fans are seeking to improve upon their 0.620 historic winning percentage, which equates to an average 7-4 season record (a middle-of-the-road team in the SEC).  Aren't they all?  Former coach Houston Nutt only managed to eek out a 0.610 winning percentage, which cost him his job.  Coach Petrino's task is a tough one, and should be well aware that meeting the overzealous expectations of clueless Razorback fans is a daunting task itself.  Hopefully, some day soon, these fans will realize that the Hogs are not the cream of the SEC!

Who will be the next winner of the "Round Mound of Rebound" award?  Submit your nominees and find out!

To tell you the truth, I only watch ESPN's College Gameday to reinforce my belief that the East Coast media bias really exists.  I won't get into discussing all of Gameday's flaws here (that's the subject of a future post), but thought it was pertinent to discuss all the chatter this week about poor 'ole Kirk Herbstreit! 

 You can read a couple of good blog posts at:

http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/goblue37/
2007/12/05/Fire_Kirk_Herbstreit

http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/dashman6
8/2007/12/07/Dont_go_away_madjust_go_away 

And a slightly different perspective:

 http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/GoPurpl
e6933/2007/12/08/Time_to_cut_Herbstreit_some_slack

After reading all of them, I couldn't stop thinking that Herbie's gotta go!  Hmmmmm!  That tune sounds familiar!  Oh yeah, Aerosmith!  By putting two and two together, here's my humble attempt at writing a parody worthy enough for Weird Al Yankovic. 

To the tune of Aerosmith's "Janie's Got a Gun", we have "Herbie's Gotta Go!". 

NOTE:  If you don't like (Lee) CORSO, MARK MAY, (Desmond) HOWARD, (Lou) HOLTZ's, (Chris) FOWLER, or even (Jesse) PALMER or (Reece) DAVIS, substitute the appropriate name in bold and make up your own lyrics! 

Herbie's Gotta Go

Dumb, dumb, dumb, Herbie you’ve sunk so low
Dumb, dumb, dumb we know that you’re a schmo.
Dumb, dumb, dumb, Herbie when will you go?
Dumb, dumb, dumb it's the sound

Herbie’s gotta go
Herbie’s gotta go
His mouth is full of blow
A rumor from some 'ole Joe
What did Kirk Herbie do?
Miles won’t be Maize and Blue!
They said when Herbie’s soul recanted
they found him underneath a desk
But man, he has it comin' So now Herbie's gotta go
didn’t OSU just hire this pest?

Herbie’s gotta go
Herbie’s gotta go
His dog day's just begun
Now everyone’s in on the fun
Tell me now it's untrue.
What did ‘ole Kirk Herbstreit do?
He smacked a little bitty rumor
This man is full of buckeye pooh
They say the spell that he was under the lightning and the thunder knew that Herbie sabotaged the Blue

Go away, go away go away from our pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Go away go away from our pain yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Go away, go away, go, go away

Herbie’s gotta go
Herbie’s gotta go
His dog day's come you know
Now everybody wants him to go
Why help out LSU?
’Cause he’s got a low I.Q.
He tried to take Les down easy to keep from rakin’ in the dough
He said 'cause nobody believes me. This man is such a sleeze.
Herbie’s always gonna be a schmo.

Go away, Go away from our pain yeah, yeah
yeah yeah yeah
Go away go away from our pain yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Go away, go away, go, go away

Herbie’s gotta go
Herbie’s gotta go
Herbie’s gotta go
Everybody is in the know

Herbie's gotta go
His hair’s a poor man’s fro
Now ‘ole Captain Kirk must make it so
Because Herbie's gotta go
Herbie’s gotta go
His replay ends the show
’Cause everybody wants him to go
Herbie’s gotta go 

Are you curious to see a sampling of the coaches’ ballots in the final Top 25 USAToday Coaches Poll?  How well did the coaches do in ranking one of the BCS bowl bound teams?

Well, here goes.  As Hawai’i finished as the only undefeated team in Division 1A (in regulation & overtime), I was curious to see how the coaches who participate in the poll ranked them.  First of all, 60 coaches participated in the balloting, representing both BCS and non-BCS affiliated conferences.  How did the results tabulate?

Like a pretty good bell curve distribution.

Ranking          # of Votes                   Ranking          # of Votes 

1                      1                                  12                    3

2                      0                                  13                    4

3                      1                                  14                    2

4                      1                                  15                    0

5                      4                                  16                    0

6                      2                                  17                    1

7                      5                                  18                    0

8                      9                                  19                    0

9                      3                                  20                    0

10                    16                                21                    0

11                    7                                  22                    0

The highest rank was the #1 attributed to Hal Mumme.  He is the coach of the New Mexico State Aggies team that lost to Hawai’i, 13-50 in October.  Mumme runs a rather unorthodox, pass-oriented offensive attack at NMSU, so it was no surprise that he’d reward June Jones’ team with a #1 ranking.  His Aggies utilize short passes to multiple receivers and backs out of the backfield.  Mumme must be smarter than a 5th grader, as no one that young could come up with such a crazy offensive scheme!

Some other interesting observations:  Former Miami coach Howard Schnellenberger (now at FAU) voted Hawai’i #3; Tommy Tuberville (Auburn) #4 (does he know something Alabama doesn't?); Joe Glenn (Wyoming), Pat Hill (Fresno State), and George O’Leary (UCF) voted the Warriors #5.  O'Leary doesn't even have a college degree!  Wow, these guys are pretty smart!

Michigan’s Lloyd Carr and Boise State’s Chris Peterson put them at #6.  I wonder if Carr is wishing he scheduled Hawai'i instead of App State?  

Amongst other coaches Hawai’i faced this year, D. Tomey (San Jose State) had them 7th and Tyrone Willingham (Washington) put them in 10th place.  

A majority of the other coaches put the Warriors in 10th place, including Mike Bellotti (Oregon), Mario Cristobal (FIU), Phil Fullmer (Tennessee), Mark Richt (Georgia), Mike Riley (Oregon State), Steve Spurrier (South Carolina), Bob Stoops (Oklahoma), and Ron Zook (Illinois).  Thanks for the vote of confidence gentlemen.  Look forward to seeing you in New Orleans Mark Richt!  

We’re talking about some coaches who are way smarter than a fifth grader!  Most of them have coached in at least one BCS bowl game over the past few years! 

On the other hand, there always has to be someone who has used up their lifeline.  These coaches must have fallen asleep before Hawai'i dispatched UW last Saturday, curiously putting Hawai’i south of the #10 boarder. 

Getting away from the mean, we see that Bobby (Florida State) & Tommy Bowden (Clemson) voted Hawai’i in at #12.  Was there a conspiracy here?  Collusion?  Did they let Terry Bowden fill out their ballots for them?  Who knows, but at least their ranking is close enough to the average to be within the statistical margin of error range. 

On the other hand, Frank Beamer (Virgina Tech), Mack Brown (Texas), Tom O’Brien (NC State), and Joe Tiller (Purdue) all had Hawai’i positioned at #13.  Is Tiller still fuming over the Boilermaker’s loss to the Warriors in 2006?  Is Brown still afraid to play Hawai'i?  What were these guys thinking?  Bowl positioning perhaps?

Next up, Dan Hawkins (Colorado) late of Boise State.  Why #14 Dan?  What were you thinking?  You're only 3 seasons removed from the WAC and you don’t remember the Warriors?  A team you beat 5 years straight!  Didn't you read Sun Tsu's The Art of War?  Surely you were smarter than a fifth grader? 

Another offensive genius now takes the field, Mike Leach of Texas Tech.  Leach is widely regarded as one of the most innovative offensive minds in all of college football.  With a mind like that, he had to have put June Jones’ run and shoot Warriors in the top 10.  But no, all poor Mike Leach could do was rank them #17.  Number #17?  Are you jealous Mike?  Were you hoping to match up with them in the Tidy Bowl?  You’re definitely not smarter than a 5th grader when it comes to ranking your peers’ efforts. 

Finally, the real loser at this game is former Texas A&M head coach Dennis Franchione.  Coach Fran submitted a ballot with Hawai’i ranked #22!  Number 22?  Are you on crack?  Can you believe it?  Did Coach Fran sell his ballot in his secret newsletter to the highest paying booster?  Who knows!  Maybe he had a kid complete it, filling it out in crayon!  What was he thinking (that he was going to lose his job or exit gracefully)?  Does he even know anything about college football?  I’m sorry coach, but you are the biggest loser (in more ways then one). 

Dennis Franchione is not smarter than a 5th grader!