“Where ya been son?”  they asked.  

“Right here. Right where I’ve always been. Just waiting for the time to be right again. Had to get my head clear and now I think the old skull’s screwed on tight”.

That’s kind of how I imagine a pretend conversation with Jason Giambi's stats could sound later this year. I think he's going to have a good year.

It’s a tired old topic. One whose boat I missed in the past few months… and quite frankly… missed intentionally.

Steroids? ####-hum.

Barry…Raffy…Sammy…. Big Macked…

Hittin’…Homers…Just Cause…They’re Jacked…

A-Rod… Jose… Can-Sec… Ole (“O-Lay” for you Spanish-Mexican challenged)

Scratching… Temples… Saying… Oi Vay (You don’t speak Yiddish either?)

Go after the big ones if you must but if you ask me most of them cheated. This whole stinkin’ era is tainted. You know what that means. That means it’s all good or all bad depending on whether you’re a glass half full or glass half empty kind of guy.

It’s simple math basically. They can change the curriculum… They can increase the standards...  They can introduce no child (or cheater) left behind…but let’s be real here. There’ve been plenty of cheaters left behind in baseball’s witch-hunt no matter how you count the heads.

Think of entry-level high school truth tables for example. You can change things all you want…You can tell me that Pluto really isn’t a planet… You can put slang in Merriam-Webster's Collegiate... Michael Jackson can turn into a child-hating albino for all I care... But when in comes to basic high school math then a positive plus a positive equals a positive…OR… a negative plus a negative equals a positive as well.

As Yogi Berra (or was it Casey Stengel) once said…"You can look it up".

If that’s the case then the following holds true regardless if you’re a positive, negative, glass half-full or glass half-empty sort of person:

Juiced up hitters plus juiced up pitchers equals positively fair baseball. 

Also…you can’t compare eras (as if) due to improvements throughout history in medicine, nutrition, health awareness, fitness and technology. So what do we have left? A fair and equal playing field, that’s what. Steroids were there for the taking during the last 15-20 years and many… if not most… players took them (at least once). 

I bet The Babe himself would have taken them if he were around. I’m just not so sure it would have helped the hot dog eating, liquor drinking, womanizing, pot-bellied,  American apple pie hero we seldom discuss. Like I said…you can’t fairly compare eras.

“Let’s get the big fish. Let’s make them squirm.  We can’t get them all but if we get the big ones then the dust from the impact crater will make those commoner dummies forget about the bigger picture. Take it on the chin Roger…Take it to the gut Barry…Take it for the good of the game you guys”…(Bud Selig speaking in his sleep).

You know what? I empathize with Roger and Barry for their perceived lies. Why should they be the fall guys even if they looked a lot skinnier 20 years ago? 

I guess they’re just being punished for the riches and accolades that records buy. Well screw that…the sentences should be no different for the little guys.

Oh well. I could run in circles all day, which would only serve to make us even dizzier. That’s why I suggest we all move on…preferably on the straight and narrow…no more ‘roids from here on out... and when the cream of the crop still rises to the top…it will still be the same old baseball it always was.   A game of HAVES, HAVE NOTS AND SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN. Barry won’t have the home run record for long and Roger isn’t the all time leader in WINS, Ks, or ERA so let’s get over it shall we?

Which finally brings me to The Giambino…Jason Giambi…The Sultan of Suave…Greasy Looking Hair Product that is. You know…the one steroid guy who actually told the truth…well kind of…at least what they were willing to let us know…I guess he’s just not a big enough fish in the baseball sea…kind of like a flounder in a Chilean Sea Bass sort of world.

Can you imagine what big news it would have been if Barry or Roger had come AS clean as Giambi?”

STOP THE PRESSES (OR AT LEAST GET THEM WARMED UP)!!!

Like former Arizona Cardinals former head football coach Denny Green once said, “They are what we thought they were!!!”.  Instead of talking about the Chicago Bears I’m talking about The Giambino’s stats.

First of all NO athlete is a total dummy. Sure steroids might enhance performance but every credible source states that the use of steroids definitely increases the risk of injury and/or disease. The players acutely know this so it’s not like they “juice 24-7”. Chances are they “indulged” when they are either nursing an injury (most common) or looking for a “lil’ boost”. Giambi’s body not only broke down but he also developed a problem with his pituitary gland that correlated with steroid use.

Let’s pick an arbitrary number for after all…speculation is rather arbitrary…is it not?

What if during Jason Giambi’s 12-½ year major league career he “juiced 10% of the time? What would we have?

Over the course of a full 162 game season, Jason averaged the following numbers in his career:

35 HRs…112 RBIs…. 289 AVG…. 411 OBP…100 RUNS

Obviously most people DO NOT play all 162 games a year but for a former MVP like Jason it gives us a barometer from which to work with.

If we reduce all his career stats by that moderately fair (as any other and probably closer to the truth than we realize) number of 10%, then we are left with the following:

31 HRs…101 RBIs…. 260 AVG…. 370 OBP…90 RUNS.

Do you see what I see (other than absolutely nothing at all)?  We are left with only one conclusion. With or without steroids Jason Giambi was (and is) still a pretty BLEEPIN’ good Major League Baseball player (and Eli must not be so bad either). 

However… take it a step further and look at Jason’s injury plagued (probably? due to steroid use) 2004 and 2007 seasons combined. During these two years Jason only accumulated:

163 games played total…26 HRs…79 RBIs…64 RUNS…. 222 AVG…. 349 OBP.

If you keep in mind that Jason played hurt, was credited for participating in games where he only served as a pinch hitter and was removed early due to injury or for defensive purposes then the decrease in numbers really don’t appear so bad. He always remained a threat to hit a homerun or at least get on base by drawing a walk. He was always a dangerous player even in his most weakened state.

What if steroids “hurt” Jason Giambi during the bad times just as much as they “helped” him during the good? Isn’t it conceivable that the numbers balanced themselves out over the course of his career? Could it be that Jason really was what the back of his baseball card says he was?

I’d say probably and you know what?

You and I really don’t have a choice and that’s just the way it is. David Eckstein could have smoked bull gonads and he’d still be what he always was (zero 10 homerun seasons).

The players may seem tainted but the game remains the same. The best players always identify themselves through their abilities. We can only judge people using a jury of their peers.  Steroids or no steroids…hall of fame superstar or role player…the playing field is, has and always will be equal. It just changes from day to day…decade to decade… depending on what someone had for breakfast… or how late they stayed up partying the night before…whether they popped an Advil… or a cortisone shot...if they’re unlikable (Barry Bonds/Pacman Jones)…or if someone drops dimes and rats them out (Roger Clemens/Michael Vick).

You know…the NBA equally ignores truly addressing marijuana…the NFL equally ignores truly addressing steroids…and MLB equally ignores truly addressing anything and everything.

Which is actually great. They’re still just the same old games. Only the double standards we place on the athletes have changed. I choose to ignore those and just watch.  

In honor of the REAL opening day…(today)…PLAY BALL…and long live equality in sports (hee-hee).