TEMPE, AZ.- Following Arizona State’s 44-20 victory over the Washington Huskies, Sun Devil athletic director Lisa Love made a somber announcement at the post game press conference. The win pushed Arizona State to 7-0 on the season and 4-0 in the Pac-10. And their ranking, 14th coming into the contest and a possible top 10 ranking next week, gives Sun Devil football a lot of momentum. However, the feel-good moment was short lived. Love solemnly disclosed that the Sun Devil football program would be shut down for a week, and would not re-open until two weeks from tonight, on October 27th against the Bears of Cal. Love cited necessary maintenance to the team bandwagon for the decision.

“With all that’s gone on this season, such as several highly-touted teams losing, both in the conference and nationally, we-well, actually I, it was my decision-decided it was time to prepare the Sun Devil bandwagon for the road ahead. These preparations will include an oil change, new tires, replacing the shocks, spark plugs, and just a full maintenance inspection in general. Any areas of concern will be addressed and rectified.” In addition, the seating area on the bus is to be renovated to accommodate approximately 5,000 more fans according to Sparky, who commented on the condition that he not be identified.

“We just felt that the time is now to ensure that there will be no glitches as we head to the home stretch. It’s unfortunate, and it is with great regret that I am announcing that our game against Bye next week will be canceled. Please note that this is being done with the sole intention of ensuring that those who already use the bus and those who will use it the remainder of the season will be able to do so in the utmost comfort. It’s the fans we care about, and we will always keep their best interests at the forefront of what we do here in Tempe.”

Following the Sun Devils 523 yards of total offense against the Huskies, including 296 yards on the ground, the momentum is certainly in their favor. Add to this the fact that they find themselves the lone unbeaten team in the Pac-10 conference, and Love’s decision seems to be a wise one, though unprecedented.

“Our game against the Cal Bears at Sun Devil Stadium on the 27th of this month will be played as scheduled,” Love continued, “and I guarantee you that the bandwagon will be back better than ever at that time. We are simply trying to be proactive in this matter. If it fails to work out, I will take full responsibility. Well, along with my advisor of course, Rick O.” Oddly, Love had a look of satisfaction while answering subsequent questions and upon making her way out of the press conference.

 Head Coach Dennis Erickson, when reached for comment, joked, “She’s the boss. She hired me, so she obviously knows what she’s doing. Seriously though, I think it’s a great decision on her part. We’ve got some guys who could use the rest on both sides of the ball. And let’s face it, the bandwagon could use a little expansion.”

Thanks for taking the time to read.

{Obligatory but probably unnecessary disclaimer: This post was written as fiction. Well, most of it.}

The Arizona State Sun Devils were beaten handily on Saturday by the 14th ranked Oregon Ducks. 48-13. This on the heels of ASU’s drubbing last week at Cal, 49-21. Until the Cal game, the Sun Devils had been ranked in the top 25 each week this season. I guess going three and oh against the likes of Northern Arizona, Nevada, and Colorado will do that for a team in a major conference. But the boys in maroon and gold have been exposed two straight weeks. And that should surprise no one. Head coach Dirk Koetter, (pronounced ‘cutter’), now in his sixth season, has gone 2-18 versus ranked teams since coming to Tempe from Boise State. And he is 0-8 against Cal and USC. And although his overall won-loss record at Arizona State is a few games over .500 (Yippee!), his record against the Pac 10 conference in his five plus years here is 17-27. The Oregon game was played at home in 100 degree temperatures, something his team is used to and was looked at as an advantage. It was anything but.

Under the fairness heading, Cal has rebounded nicely from their opening game drubbing at Tennessee, and is trying to prove that game was an aberration. They look like a solid team who will play in an above average bowl game. And Oregon had an off week last week to prepare for ASU in the wake of their highly disputed win over Oklahoma. Who knows what would have happened had Oregon played ASU without a bye. But some cold, hard facts are impossible to ignore. In addition to what I’ve already mentioned, Rudy Carpenter, ASU’s sophomore quarterback, was 6-19 vs. the Ducks with 33 passing yards. No misprint, no touchdowns, one interception. In an extremely crucial point in the game that defined the offensive woes in a nutshell and one that could have turned the momentum immensely, Carpenter missed a wide open Rudy Burgess by several yards. To recap, Oregon received the second half kickoff. The Sun Devils defense produced a three and out, and Oregon’s punter shanked one out of bounds for an 11 yard punt, giving ASU the ball at the Oregon 31 yard line, trailing 24-3. On third and seven, Burgess, their biggest big play threat at the receiver position, got space between him and the defender and was open on an out pattern. He could have run for miles after making the catch. Or at least thirty yards. Except the ball was thrown so poorly that he couldn’t even make an attempt at it. Koetter then decided to go for it, probably rightly so, but didn’t make it, in effect sealing the outcome of the game early with over 25 minutes of football left to be played.

The preseason quarterback situation has been well documented. Last year’s starter, Sam Keller, had a stellar start to the ’05 season before being sidelined with an injury halfway through. Carpenter, a red-shirt freshman last year, took over the last five games and the potent offense didn’t miss a beat. Upon further review, however, those games came against the worst defenses in the conference and a Rutgers team in the Insight Bowl that was average defensively, at best. Just before this season, Keller, who was originally named the starter just days earlier before Koetter flip-flopped and gave it to Carpenter, decided he didn’t like the way the whole thing was handled and transferred to Nebraska. He will be eligible to play for the ‘Huskers in ’07 after sitting out this season. The general consensus among Sun Devil fans was that Carpenter was a bit more talented and had more upside, but Keller’s senior leadership has been greatly missed this season. It would be hard to believe Keller would have performed so poorly in the last two games.

In another stunning development, the running game, which has been lackluster during Koetter’s tenure and somewhat of an afterthought used only to keep defenses honest, has turned out to be the offense this season. ASU is deep at that position, and Ryan Torain recorded his second straight 100 yard game against the Ducks.

In all fairness to Rudy Carpenter, he is far from the only problem the Sun Devils have. And it's becoming increasingly evident he is in over his head. He is simply the most visible flaw, as quarterbacks usually are. And ASU did lose four experienced receivers from last year's squad who have proven difficult to replace. Also, the defense, supposedly much improved over last season’s ‘bend and then break’ squad, seems to miss more tackles each week, and the Ducks ran a quick-toss wide receiver screen several times yesterday that seemed to catch the ASU defense off guard every time. Returning to the subject of Dirk Koetter, he has Carpenter run to the sidelines between plays to get the play call directly, which makes it very difficult for a quarterback, especially a young one, to get into the flow of the game, I would think. He had Sam Keller do the same last year, and Andrew Walter before him. Most teams above an eighth grade level would send the play in either through signals or an incoming player. Koetter’s forte has always been offense. He has a great offensive mind, which enabled him to land the job in Tempe. Or at least he used to. But head coaching at a major division one school is a bit out of his league. Call it the Mike Martz syndrome; great offensive mind, not head coaching material, at least not on a national stage. Unfortunately for Sun Devil fans, Koetter was given a contract extension after last season, which is fine if you’re content with going to the Mediocrity Bowl every year. Other than ASU’s 9-3 year in 2004, which ended in a victory over Purdue in the Sun Bowl, Koetter’s Sun Devil teams have been nothing to brag about. And with the recent lack of competitiveness in two important conference games, the program is about as stagnant as can be. Arizona State needs to bite the bullet, replace Koetter at year’s end, and start anew. Easier said than done, of course, with several years left on Koetter’s new deal. But with second tier, or worse, bowl games on the horizon, as well as a half full Sun Devil Stadium fast becoming the norm, fans deserve better. Admittedly, the 73,000 seat “House that Frank Kush Built” isn’t the easiest to fill, given the fact that there is huge competition for the fans’ sports dollars in a city that also has teams in the four major sports, as well as just about any other sporting event one can imagine. But being on national TV and having fans disappear in the second half faster than you can say, “touchdown, Oregon!” is not a good position to be in, especially with Koetter and crew hitting the recruiting trail during the upcoming bye week. I'm guessing ASU's '06 football slogan, "Pride In The Desert," won't be mentioned too often.

Speaking of the bye week, perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel. ASU has an extra week to prepare for perennial conference doormat USC in the Coliseum on October 14th. And it’s almost basketball season. The Sun Devils have a new coach they hired from North Carolina State. And I hear the Suns are supposed to at least be respectable this year. Hmm. Maybe things aren’t so bad after all.

Thanks for taking the time to read.