Considering the choices we have for presidential candidates, I have decided to put my UH "hat" in the ring for President of the USA. I am also introducing a new political party as my affiliation. It will be called the Silver Backs. Now we have the donkeys and the elephants. We all know how stubborn a Donkey can be and we know how fat an elephant is.
Having a silver back as a party symbol made good sense. I thought is was time for a candidate with a thinking mind and no pockets to stuff bribe money in. Of course, bananas will get my attention as always.
You are probably wondering what my platform will be. Sit down and hear what my campaign covers.
Agenda:
NASCAR racing. It needs to stop the price gouging that has been going on for some time. I propose as my first legislation. I will mandate that NASCAR races will be affordable for all fans. No tickets over $25.00 cost. No more mystery cautions, no more rule infractions, and No more Brian France. I will assign Klvalus as the new head of NASCAR to handle the business and TEZ as the replacement for Helton. Noahspop will be in charge of rules and regulations.
Foreign policy. An area that is handled poorly now. I propose we will provide military and financial assistance to the countries that do not spit on us, try to kill us, insult us, threaten us and over charge us for oil. Those countries will immediately be put on our dodo list. Those countries will also have to pay their own U.N. fees or be kicked out of the UN. I might also consider Kicking the UN out of the USA. That would save a bundle. I will appoint Hoosier as the foreign diplomat for those unfriendly countries mentioned above.
I propose we round up all the gangs in this country and send them to Iraq and Afganistan since they like to fight and shoot guns. This will reduce the need for our military forces to fight every ones war and give us more military support for our borders and our friends as well as provide top notch security. I will appoint Forensic as the Forign policy advisor and Hot foot as the Secretary of state.
Economics, NAFTA, and the Free Trade agreement. I will balance the ratio of trade to foreign countries. We will only buy an equal percentage of their products with what percentage they buy from us. I will keep American jobs in America. Any American company that goes overseas for cheap labor will not be allowed to trade in the USA. I will appoint Moseby as the head of Economics.
I will provide a bearing banana tree for every family in the USA as well as a respectable job / salary for the unemployed. I will appoint Hanahan as the head of the department of Labor.
Corporate executives and lobyist who just love to roll in money will not be paid the salaries they were used to getting. Salaries will be adjusted to the performance they provide in keeping their companies strong and productive with American workers.
No more CEO 50 plus million dollar salaries when the company is going down the tubes. Government offices must maintain a level of productivity and be frugal with the tax payers money. No more $1000.00 toilets and $200.00 hammers guys. Also I will put the Senate and the Congress on Social Security and abolish the over funded Gov. pensions. I will appoint JJ Dean as the Secretary of Government finances and as the head of Social Security pensions I will appoint Volfan. I will appoint Jokers Wild as the head of commerce. Probably a better choice would be head of jokes or the wine making industry.
Military policy. I am a firm believer that we need a strong military with the latest in technology to deter any oppositional forces that might think about attacking us. I will appoint Fever 3 as the head of the joint chief of staffs office and Beaver Nut as the head of the military forces ( second in command).
Agriculture. Here is an area the we need to expand our production of food sources and research bio fuels. We are loosing too many farms due to regulations and will open up opportunities for farmers to prosper. I will appoint Dwindy as the head of Agriculture.
Energy. We must be dedicated to making our selves self sufficient in energy and do what ever possible to attain that goal through comprehensive research and developing new energy sources. I will appoint Charritt as the head of the Department of energy.
Education. Certainly a sore spot in these days and time. Our school systems are turning out under educated children at an alarming rate and we need to insure all get a superior education. I will appoint Tyler head as the head of education.
Every Presidential hopefull needs to have a Vice president and I hope that CUDA will accept my Appointment as my Vice presidential candidate. He can garner many female voters to follow our agenda and campaign.
All of my appointees are highly qualified to assume their new post. I Have more to list but am restricted by space for now.
As you can see I am a candidate for the people with out any special interest group affiliations. It is time for a new political party and a better choice for a President of the USA.
You got my mon-key vote. Let me know if you need a Public Relations guy. I could help earn votes with the single female population, the hollywood types, and the incarcerated population.
Mr Jangles will help too.
I am working on Hoosier. Give me time. Haven't thought up the position yet. Oh yes I have. I will appoint him the foriegn diplomat for the nations that insult and hate us. Good idea Volfan.
photogr, LOL, you know that I love Ya! HR13 will be great in that position. 14 Falcons is busy today. He needs a position also. He is crazy wild with his blogs today!
Yes Sir. I'm on it Mr President,,,,Mr Photo,, ...Sir Silverback!
P.R. chimp Jangles has already started distributing campaign posters across the blog. He'll be heading to Hooters later to work on getting us some votes there. Myself, Jokers and Forensic may have to go along to ummm... interview some of the potential voters.
I have nothing against you and generally read you although seldom post due to Hoosier constantly harassing me and you supporting him.
Appointing him to anything, anything at all will get this country nuked. I repectfully will be working 100 hrs a week against your election despite having no problem with your platform or your other cabinet members as I personally do want to spend the next 4 years wondering at what point we're all vaporized.
Mr. President, I am honored to accept the post of Head of NASCAR, which I know is your first and foremost pet project. First let it be known that I will ok any and all GGW cars thru inspection despite, ahem, infractions but in return we *might* have to discuss an exception your new policy on CEO's not having a 50 million plus salary...
photogr....Are you crazy, you want hate mail, spit on, hated, kicked, fur pulled, wife made fun of, car egged, sleepless nights, death threats, your son hated when he takes over, beer cans, thrown at you?
Hold on....taking a breathe
Rip-roaring craziness on your part. You mediate grace, you play nice, your too kind hearted, your too darn hairy, and all around nice guy! Please, reconsider......
I'm getting a little ahead ain't I. I'm with you. You have my vote. Go get "em". Cuda will be a great running mate. Val, take care of Nascar when Photo is elected.
Oh, by the way as D.W. likes to say, Great Blog Photo. I got a real kick out of this.
photogr, will you consider 24x2 as Secretary of the Treasury? A peafowl can be frugal I am certain. Besides, she is an outstanding lady and can deal with anyone. I've seen her in action and I'm very impressed with her.
volfan69....Thank you, I only takes jobs in which I speak, as my grammar is indeed questionable. Plus, I hate dealing with politicians, especially those who smoke cigars........Alright, alright, Nique, just threw a rotten tomato at me! A peafowl just can't get a fair shake!
If you could put excitement back into NASCAR I would consider the alternative choices on salary. My ideas of salary is based on revenue generation and fan acceptance.
A vote for me would insure the solidarity of America for generations to come. My platform is based on the values our fore fathers fought so vigilantly to create and preserve.
Think of it all. A donkey kicks when mad and a elephant is affraid of a mouse or a down right thinking silverback that can kick some a.s.s when push comes to shove.
You get my vote and as your Foriegn policy advisor I would put into action the Crusty Wallock zapper chair into a fence to cover the borders.
My goal is for every Amreican Citizen to enjoy the horn a plenty that you have posted. For too long only the small hand full enjoyed the fruits of your labor, Now you will be able to do the same if I am elected.
If you are old enough to fight in a war, You will be old enough to vote. I wanted you as my director of education as you have a better understanding about schools and their falacies.
Charrit:
You will have a grea challenge ahead of you if I am elected. One will be all the hot air that my opponents seem to easily exhale. Harnessing that could provide enough energy to power the entire South Eastern power grid for years.
Sir. I sent you a txt pic. Things aren't going so well over here at Hooters. Forensic is being unsocial, Joker has passed out drunk in the parking lot and now Jangles is getting very tired of standing on the street. I may have to send the boys home. This is a job only Kong Cuda can handle. I'll back to the campaign tent in the morning.
Being we will be under a microscope from the unfriendly media, it is wise not to show our dark sides in public. Shoot some AMP drink intraveienously into Jokers and give some Moon shine to Forensic. That will bring them back in line.
Thanks for the great as campaign poster that will be great for TV.
You got the wrong picture. That must be Billy Clinton dressed up as a a mon*key trying to discredit me. Oh there is Billy in a Donkey suit.
You don't need to advertise that you don't wear underwear.We all know that any way.
Oh yes. The last one is perfect. I can see the logo now . "Don't tick me off"
Forensic! Those are precious cheeks. Now that is way too funny. I don't see how anyone cannot have fun with what photogr has done with this blog. I really needed these laughs. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forensic2......What photogr needs is a woman Campaign Manager. Good Grief, unless you don't want the all important women's vote. First, you are not "The Man's President!" The People's President, as was our 40th President. Second, we must send Forensic2, to his room! (SORRY, MY FRIEND) Third, do not promise cheaper prices until we see if it is profitable, as we do not need to run our beloved sport into bankruptcy. Do not fall victim to the mistakes of the past. Fourth, as this is a popularity contest you must wear only Jr. attire, though he may not be your driver. This is not a cake walk, or as easy as you think. Are you really prepared to throw your clean towel into a dirty ring?
volfan69....I am too busy watching the donkey, I am rolling on the floor. I dare not say what my mind is thinking. I have been stoned before!!!!! LAUGHING!
24X2. I think photogr covered the Dale Jr fan base by hiring Kristen as head of NASCAR. This pic of her before she became a Big Time Mon-key at Fox was all over the internet for years.
She has almost a cultlike following with the Jr clan.
Found one of Volfan back in the day as well. Could be just the right person to help Tyler with the education thing since Social Security won't exist very much longer if we have to pay Kristen her outrageouse demanded salary.
Sorry dahlin. Do you realize that ticket prices is only chicken feed compared to what the affiliates and sponsors give NASCAR to play at their party. Trust me. NASCAR could get by with selling tickets for less and still make huge profits.
Notice I did not state any price reduction on concession stands, Driver signature products, and Exec. suites much less the pit passes, and parking fees. Hey we got to let them make a profit some how.
Texas...Kissing babies is a true vote getter, great pictures. Where is photogr, he needs to pucker up! As we all know no one pays attention to the Vice President unless they do something stupid. Kristen, will never be seen. By the way, who is our Vice President now? HAHAHA!
photogr....This was from a Public Relations Head, point of view. Don't get me in trouble with Lisa, have you demoted me already? My job is to make sure you are loved by all!
To all the bloggers worried about me causing NASCAR to go bankrupt.
I have a fable.
As a new and upcomming executive many years ago I was approached by the CEO of a major retail firm. We had a highly popular and profitable ( 50 % mark up) product that sold for $10.00 back in the 70's. Our sales were averaging about a million units a month company wide. Not bad but not the greatest.
The CEO asked how many units could we sell if we dropped the price to $7.99 and realized a 30% mark up instead of 50%. I suggested we could double the sales. He ordered me to make a price change and send it out to the stores.
A few months later I reviewed the sales and order trend and found we were selling over 4 million units a month. DO the math. and look at the higher sales trend. Also consider the increased gross profit dollar factor. Nearly trippled due to higher sales count.
Apply that to NASCAR seats. The tracks will have to build more seats to accomodate the increase in fans.
As a Presidential candidate you need to have a President with a good business back ground to run the country. I am that candidate.
IF THERE IS ONE THING YOU CAN COUNT ON DURING AN ELECTION YEAR, IT IS ALL THE CAMPAIGN PROMISES ARE SOON FORGOTTEN BY THE ELECTED CANDIDATE.
OFFICIAL HIT COUNTER TOTALS = 1,999,999.5
