Yeah, UGLY, that is all you can say. Well, no I think I can think of a few more things to say. Putrid, disgusting, lackadaisical, awe-inspiring (NOT), ridiculous, constipating, flatulent, foul odorous emanation, Big-to-the-suck, and don’t forget erroneous perpetration of a Division I College Football power. I could break out more impressive adjectives to describe the Buckeye’s performance, but you all know it will take me wayyy to long to look up all those big words. The Buckeyes crapped the bed right before the biggest regular season game of their 2008 slate. I bet the ESPN folks are happy about this one. Let’s dig in to this enormous pile of dinosaur dung in an effort to understand how this could have happened.

            Twenty returning starters…check.  Heisman candidate and future first round RB…check. Senior starting QB with veteran offensive line…check. Two future NFL receivers…check. A much underused future NFL TE…check. Senior laden, dominating defense, with several future NFL candidates…check. Veteran coaching staff led by none other than best selling author and future senator Jim Tressel…check. Well now that we have run down a brief checklist, which could easily be expanded, of the positives that this year’s Buckeye squad has to offer we should be able to easily see how they could barely handle a MAC team at home, right? This will be harder than I thought.

            There is no excuse for the way the offense played. The O-line looked like they were running in quicksand, and the receivers acted like the ball was a giant salmonella-covered tomato. Ewww, don’t throw that thing at me! The running game was pathetic, mainly due to the line play, until the fourth quarter when they finally realized they were about to lose at home to a bunch of kids that OSU didn’t want. Brian Hartline described the effort as “pathetic”. You got that one right Brian. If the Bobcats, excuse me, if the Mighty Bobcats hadn’t turned the ball over FIVE times, OSU would have lost this game. As it stands, they only lost their dignity. A few brave Buckeyes offered up the old “a win is a win”, but most knew better than to go there. Hell, Tressel didn’t even drop that old line. He came fairly close to actually blaming people on the team for the failure, but went Tresselesque with some “everyone could have done a better job” type statements.

            I don’t claim to be a football expert. Hell, I can’t even tell you what some basic formations are when the boys line up for a snap. I can’t even say I played the game. However, I have watched enough football in my time, and know WAY more than I should about the Buckeyes, to the point that I can say with absolute certainty that the Buckeyes did not play their best football Saturday. Really? Gee, thanks for the update Captain Obvious! What I mean is that the Buckeyes are a team that could pound a team like OU without too much trouble and definitely were underprepared for this game. However, the offense is obviously a work in progress and that doesn’t make any sense. It is the same group they had last year sans one FB and one lineman. If anything they should be improved…unless they are as good as they are going to get. They could not protect Boeckman in the Illinois and title games last year, and they did a horrible job again on Saturday versus the Mighty Bobcats. One thing all three of those opponents had were lighter, quicker d-lineman (not including Big daddy Dorsey). You would think 323 pounds versus 275 pounds would be a mismatch every time, but it doesn’t work like that. In my opinion, Tressel needs to get at least two of the new freshman (Adams and Brewster) in the starting line-up right now, and don’t look back. Pryor needs to be utilized more immediately if the current lineman at the team’s disposal cannot give the lead-footed Boeckman an adequate amount of time to throw (and that assumes that the receivers actually catch the ball). This at least gives the offense a chance on broken plays. Boeckman is only good if he has time to throw. He makes very poor decisions when pressured. Many QB’s make poor decisions when pressured, so the key is to provide top o-line talent that can provide the necessary time for the QB to make a good decision when he unloads the rock. Not rocket science, but the whole concept comes crashing down when the supposed blue-chip lineman you have in the game look more like buffalo chips. It all starts and ends with line play, and right now the Trojans will win that battle based upon what we have all seen to date.

            The defense is better and closer to “as advertised”, but the tackling on Saturday was horrendous. And let’s not forget that OU had their second string QB in the game from midway through the 1st qtr. until the final gun. He was, big shocker here, an elusive, running quarter back. The Buckeyes have traditionally had their problems with running QB’s and this was no time to break with tradition. Boo Jackson must not have been told that he was supposed to be tackled for losses and committed to three-and-outs like every other cupcake opponent QB who dares to enter the Horseshoe (in sinister, deep James Earl Jones tones). Many times the Buckeye defenders had him in their grasp, only to end up grasping at air and watch helplessly as he converted several third downs. It seems a lot like the Juice Williams disaster from last season, only Mr. Jackson was kind enough to throw four completions to the Buckeye defense. So, it would have actually been better if the defense had not driven the starting QB from the game in the first place. Regardless, MAC quarterbacks aren’t supposed to upset the Buckeyes at home…period.

            The only optimism I can muster as the Buckeyes head toward their destruct…er I mean date with USC this weekend, is that maybe they were just looking ahead and did not game plan and/or prepare for OU. Other points the Buckeyes may need to cling to would include the possibility that OU played way beyond their abilities and were fired up because many of those guys were spurned by OSU coming out of high school, therefore they were super-motivated to play OSU. Combine that with OSU looking ahead and you get the stink bomb that was Saturday’s game. No Beanie. And this should not have mattered, but Beanie offers an intimidation factor that the other backs do not. Virginia beat lowly 2A Richmond very unimpressively, so one could gather that USC didn’t beat an average ACC team, but a really crappy ACC team who may not be much better than Ohio University or just about any other DI program. It remains to be seen, so it is a mute point really. Even if Virginia is equal or worse than OU, USC had no problems with Virginia, while it took OSU every bit of four quarters and five turnovers to beat OU. Last year OSU only beat Akron 20-2 and a week later b*itch slapped Washington when they finally woke up in the second half of that game. Obviously the Buckeyes will not be b*tch slapping USC, but maybe the Buckeyes will put it all together and at least be competitive this Saturday. Not much o####olden lining I’m afraid, so it doesn’t look good for the Buckeyes however you want to slice the cheese. Stinky cheese would be an improvement over the Buckeyes at this point me thinks.

            So, on the record I will hold out some hope that OSU will work hard this week, get Beanie back at close to 100%, and play a competitive game at USC this Saturday. Considering those things, and because I am hard-wired not to intentionally make the Buckeyes a certified wood-shed loser, I am going with USC 28  OSU 20. Now if Beanie does not play or comes out early and it is obvious that USC can move the ball easily on the Buckeye defense, then it will be more like the debacle in the desert in terms of a final score. More like a 24 point margin of victory. The only way the Buckeyes beat the Trojans is if the defense plays the game of their lives and keeps the Trojan offense off the field. Or half the SC starters eat bad tomatoes and miss the game. Bad fish tacos anyone?

            Why do I suddenly feel like watching Apocalypse Now…..Oh the horror of it all.

C O L L E G E   F O O T B A L L   R U L E S !!!!!!

Is that your Cake? Can I have a bite? Oh, you want to eat it too!

That is how a conversation would go with just about every non-Big Ten fan that has opinions about the polls/BCS this year. Whatever do you mean Mr. Nice?? (In a quizzical head tilted tone). What I mean is this:

Every team ranked in the top 25 has played a "cupcake" opponent or two this year, right? Let’s take a look….                                            
                                                  
                                

                    OSU- Youngstown State, Akron, and Kent State   

                    Boston College – Army, Bowling Green and this year anyway…Notre Dame.

                    LSU – Middle Tennessee and Tulane

                    ASU – San Jose State and San Diego State

                    USC – Idaho

                    Oregon – Houston and Fresno State

                    Michigan – Appalachian State (OPPS!!) and Eastern Michigan

                    Oklahoma – North Texas, Utah State and Tulsa.

                    West Virginia – Western Michigan and East Carolina

                    VaTech – East Carolina and William & Mary (hell why not play John & Cathy too?)

                    Kansas – S.E. Louisiana and Florida International

                    Florida – Western KY, Troy and Florida Atlantic (who did beat a very good Minnesota team!).

And the list goes on and on and you guessed it…on again.

Now, considering that all the major polls are based upon the SUBJECTIVE opinions of sports-writers, coaches and self-proclaimed CFB experts, wouldn’t it stand to reason that some of them might be off base in their assessments regarding a team’s ranking?? Many are unable to pry themselves away from their own allegiances, whether they be alumni or former coaches of a particular school, and make a non-biased judgement based upon the team’s actual performance on the field. Deciding who would beat who, if the teams have not actually played, nor will in a given season, is a lot of fun for us CFB Blogging Experts to hash about, but is it really fair to the players and coaches across the country who must rely upon the subjective, possibly tainted opinions regarding their actual talent level?? I think that is a raw deal to be sure.

That brings us to this season. And what a season it has been. In fact, I would go as far as to say that particularly in this season, it is almost impossible to determine who is actually better than whom. I could run down the long list of upsets, tough conference schedules and rampant parity that have all contributed to the craziness, but I think we as CFB aficionados all know these story-lines by heart.

Instead, I would like to point to all of these factors in my attempt to explain that the rankings mean less this year than ever before. Of course, the rankings are THE integral part of the formula that determines who is ranked where and therefore gets a title shot at the end of the season. Not fair? No, not fair, but it is what it is. If the rankings are so unfair and are just subjective flubber passed out by opinionated individuals who are associated with the game, then how can a ranking be valid?? I suppose the conversation would go like this:

"So my Buckeyes are number one, now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!", says the OSUhomer.

"Yeah, but they backed into that ranking man, LSU and just about everybody else in the top fifty is better than them. AND they lost to Florida last year" says the unidentified SEC homer Ortiz813.

"Thank you for reminding me AGAIN about what happened last year, and what do you mean "backed in" to the ranking?" the quizzical OSU fan replies.

" I mean all the better teams ahead of them lost and they haven’t played any ranked opponents (Top 20), so they are obviously overrated and haven’t been tested by a ranked team. Kapeesh?" says the smug SEC homer.

"So, the BCS rankings and the subjective AP, Harris, and USA Today polls are pretty much ####, right?" says OSU.

"Oh yeah, total ####! If LSU isn’t ranked ahead of OSU it’s #### man. They played like 4 or 5 RANKED teams and they are in the SEC, the toughest conference of all time. Florida killed OSU last year and they play in the SEC, so it’s the toughest conference for sure. Plus, LSU beat Florida who beat OSU last year, so OSU sucks and LSU and Vandy would make Buckeye necklaces out of their slow, corn-fed behinds!" says the overzealous SEC homer.

" Ok, thanks for another update on last year’s season, but my question is how do you know LSU beat ranked opponents if the BCS standings and the polls that help determine the standings are ####? Asks the smug OSU fan.

The unidentified SEC homer Ortiz813 thinks for a minute or twelve….

"Oh screw you buddy, the Buckeyes suck, the SEC rocks and LSU would kick their #### anytime, any place, A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E! How you like them apples?" asks SEC.

"I like em fine buddy, just fine. Say, where can a guy get a good burger in New Orleans?"

Or something like that……

Obviously my point is that you can’t call the ranking that OSU currently holds in the BCS based upon ranked opponents #### if you consider the BCS, and polls in general, to be #### in the first place. Therefore, saying a team is better because it has played and/or beaten more "RANKED" teams is #### too.

K-A-####-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-S-H !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!

The SEC is NOT necessarily better than the PAC10 because it’s teams have exciting games and beat each other all the time. It doesn’t mean that LSU could wax every team in the PAC10, BIG 10, or Big East. I might give them the ACC this year, but I can’t because that would make me a hypocrite with regard to the point I am making here.

The only way to truly assess who is better is to have the teams meet on the gridiron, and since that can’t always happen we are left with this endless debate about who is better.

And good times were had by all.

So sayeth The Prime Minister Pete_Nice, and may all your teams be victorious….unless your team resides in Ann Arbor or they are playing the Buckeyes!