With the Super Bowl on Sunday, the NFL season will come to an end (oh sure, there's the Pro Bowl, but even the most novice fan knows that that's not REAL football), the NBA is amost to the All Star break, and there's NASCAR in a few weeks, so there's a lot going on in sports right now. With the new year though, we also have the PGA season going on, and that has put me, at least for the moment, in a golf state of mind. Tiger is tearing up the course in Dubai, and then there's the FBR in Scottsdale. Regarding golf, here is a post I put on another site a few months ago. Every word is true. No names were changed because there are no innocent. After reading this you'll know why my fantasy golf team (on another site) is named "1More3WoodTreed".
It was a blustery fall day, with the wind varying between a soft cool breeze to the occasional gusts that would take the hat off your head. It’s been said that we only have two seasons in South Texas, summer and February, but that particular October day there was a definite chill in the air.
Cedar Creek golf course is one of the more challenging municipal courses in the San Antonio area. The regulars know to rent a cart because the hilly terrain can be physically draining, especially if your walking.
Me and three business associates had agreed to play eighteen holes on that Saturday morning, so I had secured a tee time and two carts the day before.
We met at the clubhouse around noon, which would give us ample time to visit the driving range as our tee time was not until 1:18.
Now, what I am about to relate to you, much to my embarrassment, actually happened.
None of our foursome are any threat to the PGA, although my friend Billy did attend Texas State (Southwest Texas State as it was known then) on a golf scholarship. Billy is a great guy, quite simply goodness personified. In fact I’ve only seen him mad once, and that was at himself on a golf course, for hitting what he considered a bad shot, but one the other three of us would have gladly claimed as our own.
Cedar Creek’s number nine is a par five, 515 yards from the whites, and features several small bunkers and a slightly elevated tee box. About 90-100 yards from the green the hole crosses a small babbling brook, about 2-3 feet wide.
Number eight had seen me reach the green and hole out ahead of my buddies so the number 9 honors were mine. I calmly eyed the hole from the back of the tee box. Walked up to my teed Spalding ball, took my stance, and after a practice swing, pulled my driver back slowly.
Now, every round of golf, as far as I’m concerned, features at least one, sometimes two shots that, when you strike the ball, it just feels right. You know before you lift your head that Tiger Woods himself would be glad to put his name on that stroke. My number 9 tee shot was just that way. The club hitting the ball made a sharp cracking sound that resonated off the adjacent canyon walls like a rifle shot. I lifted my head slowly to find my ball in mid-flight at the apex of a trajectory that dropped in the absolute middle of the fairway about 230 yards down hole. After a heavy sigh that I’m sure must have seemed thick with arrogance, I stated after compliments from the other three, “I’ll take it”.
After the other three players hit their tee shots we each found our golf balls, and agreed on the hitting order for the second shots. My drive was farthest, so my second shot would be made after the other three attempted theirs.
My second shot would not be quite as impressive as my first. I chose my fairway wood, a black Spalding #3 (I would later describe this over the after round beers as ‘Flying too close to the sun’) for this shot. When I brought the 3 wood down to meet the ball it sounded like a melon being smashed by a claw hammer. I had topped the ball, causing it to travel about 15 yards to the right and land with a thud in one of the small bunkers to the right of the fairway. Here’s the mother of all humbling moments for any golfer. My third shot. Still with my 3 wood in hand (I know, the WRONG club), I stood proudly over my ball in that bunker and took my third swing. I topped the ball again and it trickled out just over the lip of the bunker and came to an abrupt halt. The ball seemed to look back at me and laugh. Totally disgusted with myself by this point, I threw my hands up. Now remember, this is October, and the trees had very few leaves on them. After I threw my hands up, I heard a distinct clack, clackity, clack sound. I looked up to see my 3 wood perched across the limbs of a small post oak tree that stood sentry over the bunker I had tried to hit from.
My buddies are rolling with laughter. This is not the worst part yet. Like I had good sense, I took my putter and tried to knock the 3 wood out of the tree. You guessed it. I now have 2 golf clubs treed.
I don’t get to play a lot of golf, what with family responsibilities, work, and other things, not to mention the cost involved. So I play golf more like Tony or even Martha Stewart than Payne Stewart. More like Ickey Woods than Tiger Woods. But that won’t stop me from playing.
I don't remember what my score was that day, or which of us "won", but they say the goal in golf is to shoot your age. If that’s true I’ll be hell on wheels when I’m 106.
“Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws”- Plato
As with most civilized societies, laws exist to maintain order. Every state, province, and municipality worth visiting on vacation has rules, regulations and ordinances that are on the books for the population to coexist peacefully. Some are good and some regrettably are bad. There are two states in the contiguous 48 (I won’t list them here) where it is actually legal for humans to have sex with animals. I know this because I can read. Which makes me cringe when I think that someone had to actually propose that type of legislation, and a majority of the voters passed the referendum.
Whether good or bad, some laws have been accepted into being without the passage of legislation. These “unwritten laws” are rooted in common sense and accepted as the proper code of conduct. They advise us through such pertinent information that discretion is the better part of tugging on the cape of certain super heroes, spitting into the wind, and eating yellow snow.
Lately some unwritten laws have come to my attention that I feel need to be pointed out in writing. Some of these are sports oriented and some are not. Here are a few.
When running smack about your college team’s opponent before a big game, don’t besmirch the patriarch of college coaches. At a pep rally here in San Antonio before last week’s Alamo Bowl, a Yell Leader for the Texas A&M football team remarked that Joe Paterno, Penn State head football coach, who is 81, needed a coffin. Now, most people here know that I’m a Texas A&M fan when it comes to college sports, but even I know that you don’t make fun of Joe Paterno, even if he has been coaching the Nittany Lions since before the earth cooled. Paterno’s coaching legacy is above reproach. Throughout his tenure at Penn State, Paterno’s players have graduated at a rate upwards of 95%, and his teams are always competitive. This Aggie “pom-pom boy” has been tasting his Nikes since the comment was made, and the university apologized early and often as soon as the words left the idiots mouth. As an Aggie fan, I knew the game was lost days before the opening kickoff.
If you’re in the broadcast booth doing an NFL game, try, as difficult as it may be, to NOT show your bias. A few weeks ago the Pittsburgh Steelers were on the road playing a game in New England against the Patriots. Steelers cornerback Anthony Smith made a comment that the press misconstrued (I believe) as a guarantee that Pittsburgh would win the game. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms, who called the game for CBS TV, without two brain cells between them apparently, all but displayed their preference for the Patriots to win. Late in the game when the Pats had the game in hand Smith’s name was mentioned as he made a tackle. Nantz, in his irritating, monotone drone, which just seems to drip with the “I’m better than you are” tone in his voice, said that Smith was “the one who ran his mouth” and referred to him as “stupid”. Unprofessional to say the least, and CBS should be ashamed.
If you’ve ever been charged with sexual assault, you probably shouldn’t use the word “violated” when describing the way you felt in your gym shorts. Los Angeles Laker guard Kobe Bryant used that word to describe the way he felt when the NBA made the Lakers wear old school “short” shorts for a recent game. Just a few years removed from a charge of sexual assault in Colorado, Bryant should have been more selective of his words. Which reminds me of a most ironic situation. Does anyone else find it ironic that a song entitled “Back Stabber” was recorded in the seventies by a group named “The O-Jays”?
If you’re going to sing a potentially embarrassing Christmas song, be sure no one is listening. I myself have recently violated this edict. Ever have a song on your mind that you just can’t get rid of, and worse yet, can’t stop singing it to yourself? Imagine the look on my face the other day when my office assistant Julie walked in at just the right time to hear me sing “Santa Baby, I’ve really been a very good girl”. Julie looked at me and said “Wow, all that’s missing is a falsetto voice register and a heel kick”.
One has to be a “person” to have “personality”. My sister used that word once to describe her Chihuahua. Call it a pet peeve of mine, but animals can not have personality. Our pets can be cute and described as cuddly, but they don’t have personality. They have individuality, even character, but not personality.
Here's one WRITTEN law that I would like to see erased from the books: Horse collar tackles are illegal. What a stupid rule this is. Does the NFL want us to believe that no player ever used this type of tackle before the Roy Williams/Terrell Owens incident a few years ago? I played football through junior high and high school and I've used that tackle technique and had it used on me about 1,000 times and I turned out, as 99% of the people who have ever played the game I think, just fine. A ridiculous rule instated because of player's astronomical salaries and owner's and GMs want to protect their investments.
NBC Decided to go “green” on Sunday. All of their networks turned their logos green in an effort to draw attention to the environment, and the studio lights on the set of Football Night In America went dark and an eerie glow permeated the screen. Chris Collinsworth said something to the effect of “this lighting was meant for us” to Bob Costas. He may have been implying that the lighting, or absence thereof, was friendly to their less than attractive appearances, but rumor has it that after the show was over, he invited Costas out for a cocktail, ‘and maybe even something to drink‘.
Regarding Football Night In America, this show has me convinced of three things- One: Collinsworth, Jerome Bettis, and Tiki Barber were gifted athletes, but they make terrible football analysts. Two: Keith Olberman remains an obnoxious, pompous oaf. Three: Faith Hill could make me write bad checks.
Game of the week: New England and Indianapolis finally played THE game of the season. I personally was disappointed. This game was hyped for two weeks and both of these offensive juggernauts totaled a measly 44 points between them. I know, defense, defense, blah, blah, blah. I’m convinced Tom Brady has sold his soul to the devil. After Sunday’s game he has a quarterback rating of 131.8 for the season, with only 4 interceptions and is on pace to throw 66 touchdown passes, obviously the result of a deal with Beelzebub himself.
Game of the weak:The Texans beat Oakland 24-17. I’m a Texans fan (we are few but proud) and this game was not shown in the San Antonio viewing area. Apparently the local CBS affiliate thought the other game of the week in Indianapolis was more important. Texans RB Ron Dayne ran for 122 yards on 21 carries. Texan fans at the Battle Red Blog have given Dayne the nickname “London Bridge” for the way he falls down so easily. How bad is the Raiders run defense then? The Texans have a bye next week. The early line from Vegas is that “bye” is favored by 3.
The Browns gone from a 3-13 record last year to a 5-3 record after only 8 games. Cleveland fans don’t know how to act. First the Cavs make the NBA finals, then the Indians make it all the way to the ACLS, which can only mean the AFC title game has a reservation marked “Cleveland” at the table, right?
Detroit beat Denver 44-7. The 37 point gap was the most lopsided score of any game last weekend. What kind of job is Matt Millen doing now? The more appropriate question may be what kind of leader is Jon Kitna? The type every team should have.
The Cowboys beat the Eagles 38-17. I’ve just about decided that Wade Phillips is the benefactor of Bill Parcell’s tenure in Dallas. I mean Phillips’ past record as a head coach is just barely above .500 (I believe), and here Dallas is at 7-1 after Sunday night’s game? Is Wade that good a coach, or was the talent there when he got there and he just plugged in his system? Remember, the Cowboys’ Offensive Coordinator, Jason Garrett, was hired by Jerry Jones, not Phillips.
After starting out the season 0-4, the Saints have reeled off four strait Ws and are now at .500, just one game behind the first place Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who at 5-4 lead the NFC South arguably the worst division in the NFL.
The Steelers beat the Ravens 38-7. The Steelers have what I think are the best throwback uniforms of any team in the NFL, for what it’s worth (not much).
This season all the quarterbacks have a lime green inventory dot on the back of their helmets. Can someone tell me why? This would have come in handy in the early 90s when Thurman Thomas of the Bills misplace his helmet in the Super Bowl against Dallas.
The new NBA season has just started and already the same stories we were hearing last season have been regurgitated, recycled and re-debated by basketball pundits, so called experts, and stuffed neckties all across the print and electronic media.
Kobe Bryant wants out of LA, or to be more precise, he wants out of a Laker uniform. What else is new? The Bulls were interested, until Bryant put a stop to the deal when he found out Luol Deng would be offered as part of the deal, and not be there in Chicago to play along side Kobe. Please, Dr. Buss, trade Kobe, so this story will become old news and Rick Bucher and Stephen A. Smith can find something else to argue about, like who will be the champs this season. One thing is a bankable wager: it will not be the San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs will not repeat for a number of reasons.
I could state the obvious and note that the Spurs have never won in even numbered years. They won in ‘99, ‘03, ‘05, and last year in ‘07, and since that means they can’t possibly win it again this year, right?
I could also sight the fact that the Spurs are a team comprised of mainly veterans and are among the oldest teams in the league, and are just too susceptible to fatigue to compete deep into the NBA postseason, which by the way, is way too long anyway.
I could even stretch things a little and mention the fact that the Spurs roster is loaded with international players from The Netherlands, France, Argentina, and The Virgin Islands, and if these players represent their home countries in world competition that would further compound the fatigue factor as those players would have essentially played non stop for a year and a half.
I have been a Spurs fan since they relocated to San Antonio from Dallas as the ABA’s Chaparrals in 1973. I’ve enjoyed all four championships and lamented through twenty win seasons, the offense only mindset of Doug Moe and the very forgettable but brief (thank all that is holy) Jerry Tarkanian era.
However, the reason the Spurs will not repeat as NBA champions this year is quite simple. The definitive, iron clad, lead pipe cinch, wager the farm reason that they won’t repeat? Because Bill Walton says they will.
Bill Walton had a playing career that commanded respect, including championships with Portland and Boston, but his analytical and prognosticating skills leave a lot to be desired. The analysis he provides during ESPN and TNT broadcasts is legendary for it’s inanity. While Hubie Brown, the former coach and NBA icon provides in-depth analysis illustrated by telestrations which actually explain the nuances of basketball at the pinnacle that is the NBA, Walton provides such startling wisdom in remarks such as “These guys are good” and “Cleveland needs to play better to beat San Antonio”. Where else could the average basketball fan find such sage commentary on a par with Walton’s? Who else could provide such astounding commentary and analysis? I could. You could. If my dog could speak English she could.
I have nothing against Bill Walton personally, I just am of the opinion that his ability as a commentator to provide true workable knowledge of the game is overrated. To me a team picked by Walton to win it all surely will not. His pick to win it all at this time last year? The Phoenix Suns, whose fans have long lamented the success of the Spurs and feel that it was at their expense. Maybe Walton’s picking of a team to win the David Stern trophy is actually a curse, that is, maybe it’s like being on the cover of the John Madden video football game. That’s it! Walton is the John Madden of the NBA.
So, there you have it, the main reason the San Antonio Spurs will not repeat, because Bill Walton has predicted they will. For the record, he predicted this on the set of the NBA Shoot Around on ESPN on Wednesday, and said they would beat the Celtics in the finals, but what does he know?
So here we are, eight games into the NFL season. Halfway through the 17 week regular slate of games, and I, as a Texans fan, am about to pull out what little is left of my mane.
The season held such promise. A new quarterback, Matt Schaub, a backup obtained from Atlanta for two first round picks next year. Anyone remember the last Falcon backup traded to start for another team? Brett Favre? That’s right, the Packers all-millennia signal caller with the hair trigger rifle of an arm and winning smile. So how has the Houston version of the former Falcon quarterback done? Not quite as well as Favre. (My spell check hates the names Favre and Schaub)
Week one found the Texans opening up against Kansas City. Schaub, although not spectacular, did an admirable job and Houston won 20-3.
Week two saw the Houston team fall behind the Carolina Panthers 14-0 before the Texans mounted a comeback on the road and beat the Panthers 34-21. Schaub was elected President of Houston, without shaking a single hand or kissing any babies.
The Indianapolis Colts came into Houston for game 3 and beat a scrappy Houston team 30-24. Hanging with the Super Bowl champs for 3-½ quarters and only losing by 6 was seen as an improvement over the hapless Texans of last season.
Week four the Texans went into Atlanta for Schaub’s return to Atlanta. Houston was actually favored. Good teams are favored to win on the road, not Houston. Schaub’s return to Atlanta was spoiled by too many turnovers that lead to Falcon points. Schaub is immediately impeached as the President of Oil City.
The Texans won again, although slightly, in week 5 as kicker Kris Brown puts a last second field goal through to beat Miami 22-19. Kris Brown is nominated for President of Houston.
Fast forward, please, through week 6 as the Texans, who by now are producing more turnovers than Pillsbury, get throttled by Jacksonville 37-17.
Week 7 saw the Titans come to Houston, and marked the annual return of Vince Young to Reliant Stadium. Young was injured and did not play as Tennessee was quarterbacked by Vinny Testaverde’s baby brother, Kerry Collins. Collins performed masterfully from his prescription motorized scooter as he directed the Titans to a big lead over Houston. Schaub left the game with an injury, so, in comes Texans backup Sage Rosenfels, who proves to be wiser than his namesake, and leads the Texans to a come-from-behind lead with less than a minute to play. Collins, who had fallen asleep while watching a Matlock rerun on the sideline, comes in to engineer a last minute game winning drive punctuated by Rich Baronas’ eighth field goal, an NFL all time record. Baronas is appointed King of Tennessee.
Which brings this recap to last week’s game. Houston was on the road again, this time playing the Chargers in San Diego. My ex-wife was a fan of the Chargers, until she found out the reason they’re called the Chargers has nothing to do with a credit card. I know, I’ve used that joke before, and I’ll use it again too. Deal with it. The San Diego game was highlighted by a helmet to helmet cheap shot by the Chargers’ CB Drayton Florence. The hit put Schaub out of the game with a concussion. It’s rumored that Schaub was overheard on the sideline commenting that he didn’t even know Florence Henderson still played for San Diego. Chargers won 35-10. Matt Schaub will paint any car for $99.
So the Texans sit at the bottom of the AFC South midway through the season at 3-5. What’s a fan to do? I’ll keep watching whether they are winning or losing. I think that’s why I identify so easily with Cleveland fans. There’s always next year.
The Texans looked good early, but ended up getting fooled, schooled and ruled by Jacksonville to the tune of 37-17. This was a division game. Speaking of divisions, the AFC South has to be the most competitive division in the NFL. Houston is at the bottom with a 3-3 record. That would be good enough for first place in the AFC West, and the AFC South is the only division that does not have a team with a record under.500.
Vinny Testaverde, he of the Geritol patch and AARP membership, quarterbacked the Carolina Panthers to a win against the Arizona Cardinals today. I didn’t see the game, but it must have been interesting to see the Panthers’ offensive line keep their blocks without knocking over Testaverde’s walker.
As I type this the Seahawks and Saints are playing on NBC’s Football Night In America’s Sunday Night Football. Before the game, Seahawks fullback Mack Strong raised the figurative 12th man flag (a feature totally jacked from my Texas A&M Aggies, by the way) to cheers of the fans. Strong has had to retire this week after a 15 (I think it’s fifteen) year career. Strong has been a fan favorite in Seattle his whole career. One of the coolest things about Strong is his name. Isn’t “Mack Strong” the perfect name for a football player? Or maybe a private eye?
The Coors Light commercials where they show goofs asking questions at a mock press conference that are answered by edited shots of former NFL coaches have been running all night on NBC. At first they were kind of funny, now they just suck out loud. I wish the MLB playoffs were on.
I would be remiss if I did not mention the Patriots dismantling of the Dallas Cowboys earlier today. New England beat Dallas 48-27. I don’t have anything of value to say, I just don’t like being remiss.
Tony Gonzalez of the Kansas City Chiefs set the record today for most TD catches by a tight end in NFL history. The CBS pre-game show gang, specifically Boomer Esiason and Dan Marino were joking with their cohort Shannon Sharpe about him possibly being sad because he held the record that Gonzalez broke. I get sad every time I watch the CBS pre-game show, because Sharpe is so hard to understand. He should look into English as a second language.
The Atlanta Falcons play the New York Giants on Monday Night Football tomorrow night. I have nothing to say about that game, but I was planning on a trip to New York next year, but I would have to get the wicks on my tiki torches trimmed. I cancelled my trip when I called New York and they told there wasn’t a Tiki Barber anywhere in New York.
You may not have been aware of this, but the inaugural season of the MFL just ended. No this is not an obscure football league, the MFL is the Minnesota Fantasy Legislature. That’s right, fantasy legislature. Just as in fantasy sports leagues, team owners in the MFL draft politicians from the available office holders and score points based on the legislative accomplishments of their “players”. Points are awarded for among other things, bills that are filed, heard in committee, sent to the chamber floor for a vote, passed, signed by the Governor, and even passed by the override of the Governor’s veto.
Sports have always had a certain political aspect to them. The Heisman Trophy, the Most Valuable Players for any professional league, even the NCAA football championship are all chosen by the collective votes of everyone from sports writers to the fans themselves. There was speculation that Houston Rocket center Yao Ming was voted to the All-Star game his rookie year not because of his on court accomplishments, but the number of votes he received over the internet from fans in his native China essentially “stuffing” the ballots with votes for him to be included in the game. If memory serves me correctly, I think he started the game that year.
All things considered, the parallels between sports and politics have at times blurred the line that separates the two. Each has their own vernacular, but some terms have similar meanings. How many times have you read the word “campaign” substituted for the word “season” when describing the record of a sports team? From now until November of next year the cable news channels will never let us forget that it’s election “season”. A “yellow dog democrat” is basically the same as any “diehard fan”, casting allegiance with a favorite team, and nothing, not even a winless season, will make them change. A sports fan who follows a team because they’re winning is called a “band Wagoner”. These barnacles on the hull of the good ship victory, are just the same as a voter casting a ballot for a candidate without researching the person behind the persona.
Political “pundits” are basically cheerleaders without pompoms. For every James Carville there’s an opposing Rush Limbaugh. For the record, I agree with 90-95% of what Limbaugh says, but he has become so enamored with the sound of his own voice, that I‘ve stopped listening to his program.
J. C. Watts and Steve Largent are both political office holders in Oklahoma, and both enjoyed stellar football careers, Watts and Largent both played college ball for the Oklahoma Sooners, and Largent is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Former Knick Bill Bradley is a New York congressman. One can argue that the reason each of these men ventured into politics is the high public profile they attained during their playing days.
When I was in college my degree plan required a science class. The Environmental Science class was small and took a field trip to a water treatment plant, where I saw a poster that showed a large mouth bass floating on it’s side. The caption read “Only a dead fish goes with the flow”. I adopted that phrase as my motto and basic philosophy on life in general. In short, whether in choosing a political candidate to vote for, or a sports team to root for, don’t follow the crowd. Do the research. Think with your own brain.
