So here we are, eight games into the NFL season. Halfway through the 17 week regular slate of games, and I, as a Texans fan, am about to pull out what little is left of my mane.
The season held such promise. A new quarterback, Matt Schaub, a backup obtained from Atlanta for two first round picks next year. Anyone remember the last Falcon backup traded to start for another team? Brett Favre? That’s right, the Packers all-millennia signal caller with the hair trigger rifle of an arm and winning smile. So how has the Houston version of the former Falcon quarterback done? Not quite as well as Favre. (My spell check hates the names Favre and Schaub)
Week one found the Texans opening up against Kansas City. Schaub, although not spectacular, did an admirable job and Houston won 20-3.
Week two saw the Houston team fall behind the Carolina Panthers 14-0 before the Texans mounted a comeback on the road and beat the Panthers 34-21. Schaub was elected President of Houston, without shaking a single hand or kissing any babies.
The Indianapolis Colts came into Houston for game 3 and beat a scrappy Houston team 30-24. Hanging with the Super Bowl champs for 3-½ quarters and only losing by 6 was seen as an improvement over the hapless Texans of last season.
Week four the Texans went into Atlanta for Schaub’s return to Atlanta. Houston was actually favored. Good teams are favored to win on the road, not Houston. Schaub’s return to Atlanta was spoiled by too many turnovers that lead to Falcon points. Schaub is immediately impeached as the President of Oil City.
The Texans won again, although slightly, in week 5 as kicker Kris Brown puts a last second field goal through to beat Miami 22-19. Kris Brown is nominated for President of Houston.
Fast forward, please, through week 6 as the Texans, who by now are producing more turnovers than Pillsbury, get throttled by Jacksonville 37-17.
Week 7 saw the Titans come to Houston, and marked the annual return of Vince Young to Reliant Stadium. Young was injured and did not play as Tennessee was quarterbacked by Vinny Testaverde’s baby brother, Kerry Collins. Collins performed masterfully from his prescription motorized scooter as he directed the Titans to a big lead over Houston. Schaub left the game with an injury, so, in comes Texans backup Sage Rosenfels, who proves to be wiser than his namesake, and leads the Texans to a come-from-behind lead with less than a minute to play. Collins, who had fallen asleep while watching a Matlock rerun on the sideline, comes in to engineer a last minute game winning drive punctuated by Rich Baronas’ eighth field goal, an NFL all time record. Baronas is appointed King of Tennessee.
Which brings this recap to last week’s game. Houston was on the road again, this time playing the Chargers in San Diego. My ex-wife was a fan of the Chargers, until she found out the reason they’re called the Chargers has nothing to do with a credit card. I know, I’ve used that joke before, and I’ll use it again too. Deal with it. The San Diego game was highlighted by a helmet to helmet cheap shot by the Chargers’ CB Drayton Florence. The hit put Schaub out of the game with a concussion. It’s rumored that Schaub was overheard on the sideline commenting that he didn’t even know Florence Henderson still played for San Diego. Chargers won 35-10. Matt Schaub will paint any car for $99.
So the Texans sit at the bottom of the AFC South midway through the season at 3-5. What’s a fan to do? I’ll keep watching whether they are winning or losing. I think that’s why I identify so easily with Cleveland fans. There’s always next year.
