Last week’s Daytona 500 was both exceptional and extremely ordinary. As the premier event on the NASCAR calendar, every Daytona 500 is exceptional, as this race is considered the “Great American Race”. Some of the things that made last weekend’s race exceptional:
The 50th. Last weekends race was the fiftieth Daytona 500. The fiftieth of anything is special, whether it’s a birthday, a wedding anniversary, or a stock car race. If you don’t think the fiftieth is special, check back with me in eight years when the NFL holds it’s fiftieth Super Bowl. They will make a HUGE deal out of that one football game, so this race was special just for that reason alone.
The introduction of past winners. The tribute NASCAR paid to past winners was special. Cale Yarborough, Darrell Waltrip, and Richard Petty were among the legends recognized by NASCAR before the race. It was even cool to see Richard Petty wave the green flag to start the race.
The pre-race concert. OK, Maybe the concert didn’t seem exceptional, I mean, so what if Chubby Checker was lip syncing, he’s what, 75, 80? I’m surprised he wasn’t singing from a prescription motorized scooter. What else could we expect from NASCAR’s version of the Super Bowl? Did you think they wouldn’t have a special pre-race event?
Ryan Newman winning the race. Newman’s win automatically makes him the answer to a trivia question. When anyone asks who won the 50th Daytona 500, you won’t have to think very hard to answer them. It does seem strange, I must admit, to think that his name will be mentioned in the same breath as that of Waltrip, Yarborough, Petty and Earnhardt.
Here, also, are some of the things that made the Daytona 500 extremely ordinary, and some of these things should never happen again, as far as I’m concerned.
Jeff Hammond and Chris Meyers should never, never ever, sing on my TV again. Neither of them could carry a tune in a dump truck, and that song from “Grease” was only sang because of the racing element in the lyrics. I wish they had been lip syncing instead of Chubby.
The Gopher-cam. If you’re going to have an infield, ground level camera, someone should be assigned to come out and clean the lens every other lap or so. I personally would rather see an elevated camera put at the inside of the turns to get a “birds eye view” if you will, of the field as they make the turn. The NFL and NBA have been using elevated cameras for several years now, and it has made the television experience of their games better. I think NASCAR would definitely enhance their telecasts with a similar positioned camera.
The Gopher-cam graphics. Every time the director asked for the gopher-cam shot a cartoon gopher popped up and made some cheesy face gesture. The first time it was kind of cute and funny, but after the fourth or fifth time it was just irritating.
Uneventful racing. The whole first half of the race there were no cautions, not that cautions are good, but it does make for interesting race scenarios, what with the “lucky dog” and all. Maybe it’s because Daytona is a Super Speedway where the cars can run 3 and 4 wide, or maybe it’s due to the “car of tomorrow” and with it’s similar setups from one race team to another there’s just not much of an advantage to be had and it makes all the drivers equal to a certain extent. For whatever reason, the first half of the race is best described, in my opinion as boring.
Jeff Burton losing the lead. OK, This is more personal for me as Burton is my NASCAR favorite. His lead of nine laps vanished on the restart after the last caution with 5 laps to go. On the restart Burton was pulled into the middle of the pack like a swimmer pulled into the undertow at the beach. Of course, as the only RCR driver in the top 5 at the time, he had no teammate close to help him out.
So, there are my reasons why the Daytona 500 was both exceptional and ordinary, both exciting and boring, both an adrenaline rush and a deep letdown (see #5 above). However, that’s the nature of every sport, and NASCAR is no different in that respect, and that also is why NASCAR is the great sport it is, and we’ll all witness these things again as the schedule moves from Daytona to California.
I am a sports fan. I am not a fan of every sport, but I doubt if anyone actually is. Of course, to properly ascertain one’s status as a sports fan, one must first clarify what is, and is not, considered a legitimate sport. Is it being shown on a sports cable channel? If it is, then spelling bees, eating contests, and dog shows are sports because they’ve been telecast on ESPN. Is it a competitive event between participants? If it is, then Scrabble, chess, and checkers are sports because of the competition between two players.
There are, I believe, a few things in common that all real sports have with each other, and racing, specifically NASCAR, has these as well.
Admittedly, there was a time, 15 or so years ago, when I did not consider NASCAR a legitimate sport. Like most uninformed observers, I thought NASCAR drivers just drove around in circles, constantly turning left, but without that annoying turn indicator flashing like it does on your grandmother’s Buick. I have since come to realize the errors of my ways, and have become a big fan of the uniquely American sport of NASCAR. Sure, other countries have auto racing, but unlike the open wheel racers of the IRL and European Grand Prix circuits, I actually like the cars in the race to look like cars, not torpedoes with wheels.
NASCAR shares lots of similarities with other sports. Football, baseball, basketball, hockey, and soccer are all team sports, and so is NASCAR. Jimmie Johnson, or any other driver would be in sad shape without his pit crew, not to mention the research and development personnel at the home office. At the same time, NASCAR is unique in that it is an individual sport, one driver and one car, dueling with 42 other drivers and their rides. Speaking of rides, is it a far stretch for me to equate NASCAR with rodeo? Bear with me on this one. One “rider” in one car- one rider on one bull or bronco? Let me know.
There is one thing that in my opinion, makes NASCAR unique and special in the world of sports. All other sports, at least team sports, have their ultimate event at the end of their season. The NFL’s Super Bowl, and the NBA, NHL, and MLB have their premiere events after the regular season is over. NASCAR has their version of the playoffs, the chase for the cup, at the end of the season, but the premiere event, The Daytona 500, which starts in less than an hour, is the largest, most prestigious event on the NASCAR calendar, and it serves as the catapult to kick off the season.
Finally, what makes NASCAR special, at least to me, are the fans. NASCAR has tried to attract a more sophisticated and intellectual audience over the past few years. I’ve often said the best way to do that is to stop referring to Dale Earnhardt Jr. as “Little E”, and start referring to him as “Lower case E”. Sorry. A little attempt to interject humor. Seriously NASCAR, like rodeo, is a sport born from a way of life. From the moonshine runners of the prohibition era came the sport we have come to know and love as NASCAR. These fans are by and large blue collar, roll up your sleeves and get the job done, lunch pale toting Americans. True blue and patriotic. NASCAR has among it’s sponsors The Army, Air Force, and The National Guard. It would truly, in my opinion, be a sad day in NASCAR if a team were ever sponsored by MoveOn.org.
With the Super Bowl on Sunday, the NFL season will come to an end (oh sure, there's the Pro Bowl, but even the most novice fan knows that that's not REAL football), the NBA is amost to the All Star break, and there's NASCAR in a few weeks, so there's a lot going on in sports right now. With the new year though, we also have the PGA season going on, and that has put me, at least for the moment, in a golf state of mind. Tiger is tearing up the course in Dubai, and then there's the FBR in Scottsdale. Regarding golf, here is a post I put on another site a few months ago. Every word is true. No names were changed because there are no innocent. After reading this you'll know why my fantasy golf team (on another site) is named "1More3WoodTreed".
It was a blustery fall day, with the wind varying between a soft cool breeze to the occasional gusts that would take the hat off your head. It’s been said that we only have two seasons in South Texas, summer and February, but that particular October day there was a definite chill in the air.
Cedar Creek golf course is one of the more challenging municipal courses in the San Antonio area. The regulars know to rent a cart because the hilly terrain can be physically draining, especially if your walking.
Me and three business associates had agreed to play eighteen holes on that Saturday morning, so I had secured a tee time and two carts the day before.
We met at the clubhouse around noon, which would give us ample time to visit the driving range as our tee time was not until 1:18.
Now, what I am about to relate to you, much to my embarrassment, actually happened.
None of our foursome are any threat to the PGA, although my friend Billy did attend Texas State (Southwest Texas State as it was known then) on a golf scholarship. Billy is a great guy, quite simply goodness personified. In fact I’ve only seen him mad once, and that was at himself on a golf course, for hitting what he considered a bad shot, but one the other three of us would have gladly claimed as our own.
Cedar Creek’s number nine is a par five, 515 yards from the whites, and features several small bunkers and a slightly elevated tee box. About 90-100 yards from the green the hole crosses a small babbling brook, about 2-3 feet wide.
Number eight had seen me reach the green and hole out ahead of my buddies so the number 9 honors were mine. I calmly eyed the hole from the back of the tee box. Walked up to my teed Spalding ball, took my stance, and after a practice swing, pulled my driver back slowly.
Now, every round of golf, as far as I’m concerned, features at least one, sometimes two shots that, when you strike the ball, it just feels right. You know before you lift your head that Tiger Woods himself would be glad to put his name on that stroke. My number 9 tee shot was just that way. The club hitting the ball made a sharp cracking sound that resonated off the adjacent canyon walls like a rifle shot. I lifted my head slowly to find my ball in mid-flight at the apex of a trajectory that dropped in the absolute middle of the fairway about 230 yards down hole. After a heavy sigh that I’m sure must have seemed thick with arrogance, I stated after compliments from the other three, “I’ll take it”.
After the other three players hit their tee shots we each found our golf balls, and agreed on the hitting order for the second shots. My drive was farthest, so my second shot would be made after the other three attempted theirs.
My second shot would not be quite as impressive as my first. I chose my fairway wood, a black Spalding #3 (I would later describe this over the after round beers as ‘Flying too close to the sun’) for this shot. When I brought the 3 wood down to meet the ball it sounded like a melon being smashed by a claw hammer. I had topped the ball, causing it to travel about 15 yards to the right and land with a thud in one of the small bunkers to the right of the fairway. Here’s the mother of all humbling moments for any golfer. My third shot. Still with my 3 wood in hand (I know, the WRONG club), I stood proudly over my ball in that bunker and took my third swing. I topped the ball again and it trickled out just over the lip of the bunker and came to an abrupt halt. The ball seemed to look back at me and laugh. Totally disgusted with myself by this point, I threw my hands up. Now remember, this is October, and the trees had very few leaves on them. After I threw my hands up, I heard a distinct clack, clackity, clack sound. I looked up to see my 3 wood perched across the limbs of a small post oak tree that stood sentry over the bunker I had tried to hit from.
My buddies are rolling with laughter. This is not the worst part yet. Like I had good sense, I took my putter and tried to knock the 3 wood out of the tree. You guessed it. I now have 2 golf clubs treed.
I don’t get to play a lot of golf, what with family responsibilities, work, and other things, not to mention the cost involved. So I play golf more like Tony or even Martha Stewart than Payne Stewart. More like Ickey Woods than Tiger Woods. But that won’t stop me from playing.
I don't remember what my score was that day, or which of us "won", but they say the goal in golf is to shoot your age. If that’s true I’ll be hell on wheels when I’m 106.
The Super Bowl is one week from tonight. The Patriots and Giants will do business in the Arizona desert for the NFL’s top prize, the Vince Lombardi trophy. That’s a whole week away and with the conference championship games last weekend, there is no football this weekend.
The NBA is in the last stages of games leading up to the All Star game next month, and NASCAR gets cranked up in February too.
Fortunately, the Major League Baseball season is about to begin, as pitchers and catchers report for spring training in about two weeks. Last month, December 13th specifically, the Mitchell Report was released. This report, compiled by former US senator George Mitchell, apparently details the extent of steroid and PED (performance enhancing drugs) usage, and it’s impact, on the Major Leagues. One name mentioned in the report (82 times) is Roger Clemens.
William Roger Clemens was born August 4th, 1962, in Dayton Ohio, and moved to Houston Texas in 1977. I have never been a fan of Roger Clemens. From the first interview I ever saw with him in college at the University of Texas, he seemed to me aloof and arrogant. There’s no denying Clemens’ accomplishments on the baseball diamond. He was 25-7 at UT, was an All American both seasons, and was on the mound when Texas clinched the 1983 College World Series, and was the first Longhorn baseball player to have his number retired. In 2004, the Rotary Smith award, given to the nation’s best baseball player, was renamed the Roger Clemens award, and is given to the nation’s best collegiate pitcher. Clemens’ career as a professional is even more impressive. Roger Clemens has won seven Cy Young awards, two more than any other MLB pitcher, in 1997 and 1998, as a member of the Toronto Blue Jays, Clemens won baseball’s triple crown (leading the league in wins, ERA, and strikeouts). He recorded his 300th win and 4000th strikeout in the same game in 2003. Clemens is one of only four pitchers (the others being Nolan Ryan, Randy Johnson and Steve Carlton) to have at least 4000 strikeouts in their career. In 1986, Clemens became the first pitcher in Major League history to strike out 20 batters in a regulation 9 inning game. There’s no doubt in my mind that Roger Clemens will be a first ballot Hall of Fame inductee.
Two incidents come to mind about Clemens that have formed my negative opinion of him, both happened in 2000. In a game against the Seattle Mariners, Clemens came dangerously close to hitting Alex Rodriguez, who would be his teammate several years later in New York. After the game Lou Pinella, then the Seattle manager, referred to Clemens as a “headhunter”. That same year the Yankees played the Mets in the World Series. Most people know by now of the broken bat incident with Met catcher Mike Piazza. A shard from the broken bat bounced to the mound and Clemens picked it up and tossed it at the knees of Piazza as he ran towards first base. Clemens later stated that he thought it was the ball. What? Come on, Roger, the ball? The only thing in my opinion more asinine than that explanation is the fact that Clemens offers no apologies for his actions toward Piazza.
Clemens has also been known to complain for having to carry his own luggage through airports, he’s referred to Fenway Park as a subpar facility, and his on-again-off-again retirement just bothers me. Every year for the past few seasons Clemens has dangled a carrot in front of several MLB general managers about whether or not he intends to play or not, and invariably about June or July (probably when he decides which teams are going to contend for the league pennants) he gives his answer.
I honestly don’t know Roger Clemens from Adam, but as I’ve often said, you need to know less about someone to dislike them than you do to like them. When it comes to baseball, Roger Clemens is an icon. In real life, he may be a great guy to hang out with, go fishing, or drink a beer, although I doubt it. I’d much rather meet Samuel Clemens than Roger Clemens. The title of this piece doesn’t refer to the passage from the national anthem, but rather the red glare in Clemens eye when his name was mentioned in the Mitchell report. Has Roger Clemens ever used HGH or any other PED? I really don’t care. Is he going to pitch this season or not? I certainly hope not.
To me Roger Clemens is the Bret Favre of MLB, with one exception- I like Bret Favre. As for Roger? Please retire, and this time stay retired.
Thanks for reading.
OSL
All statistical information gathered from Wikipedia.
“Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws”- Plato
As with most civilized societies, laws exist to maintain order. Every state, province, and municipality worth visiting on vacation has rules, regulations and ordinances that are on the books for the population to coexist peacefully. Some are good and some regrettably are bad. There are two states in the contiguous 48 (I won’t list them here) where it is actually legal for humans to have sex with animals. I know this because I can read. Which makes me cringe when I think that someone had to actually propose that type of legislation, and a majority of the voters passed the referendum.
Whether good or bad, some laws have been accepted into being without the passage of legislation. These “unwritten laws” are rooted in common sense and accepted as the proper code of conduct. They advise us through such pertinent information that discretion is the better part of tugging on the cape of certain super heroes, spitting into the wind, and eating yellow snow.
Lately some unwritten laws have come to my attention that I feel need to be pointed out in writing. Some of these are sports oriented and some are not. Here are a few.
When running smack about your college team’s opponent before a big game, don’t besmirch the patriarch of college coaches. At a pep rally here in San Antonio before last week’s Alamo Bowl, a Yell Leader for the Texas A&M football team remarked that Joe Paterno, Penn State head football coach, who is 81, needed a coffin. Now, most people here know that I’m a Texas A&M fan when it comes to college sports, but even I know that you don’t make fun of Joe Paterno, even if he has been coaching the Nittany Lions since before the earth cooled. Paterno’s coaching legacy is above reproach. Throughout his tenure at Penn State, Paterno’s players have graduated at a rate upwards of 95%, and his teams are always competitive. This Aggie “pom-pom boy” has been tasting his Nikes since the comment was made, and the university apologized early and often as soon as the words left the idiots mouth. As an Aggie fan, I knew the game was lost days before the opening kickoff.
If you’re in the broadcast booth doing an NFL game, try, as difficult as it may be, to NOT show your bias. A few weeks ago the Pittsburgh Steelers were on the road playing a game in New England against the Patriots. Steelers cornerback Anthony Smith made a comment that the press misconstrued (I believe) as a guarantee that Pittsburgh would win the game. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms, who called the game for CBS TV, without two brain cells between them apparently, all but displayed their preference for the Patriots to win. Late in the game when the Pats had the game in hand Smith’s name was mentioned as he made a tackle. Nantz, in his irritating, monotone drone, which just seems to drip with the “I’m better than you are” tone in his voice, said that Smith was “the one who ran his mouth” and referred to him as “stupid”. Unprofessional to say the least, and CBS should be ashamed.
If you’ve ever been charged with sexual assault, you probably shouldn’t use the word “violated” when describing the way you felt in your gym shorts. Los Angeles Laker guard Kobe Bryant used that word to describe the way he felt when the NBA made the Lakers wear old school “short” shorts for a recent game. Just a few years removed from a charge of sexual assault in Colorado, Bryant should have been more selective of his words. Which reminds me of a most ironic situation. Does anyone else find it ironic that a song entitled “Back Stabber” was recorded in the seventies by a group named “The O-Jays”?
If you’re going to sing a potentially embarrassing Christmas song, be sure no one is listening. I myself have recently violated this edict. Ever have a song on your mind that you just can’t get rid of, and worse yet, can’t stop singing it to yourself? Imagine the look on my face the other day when my office assistant Julie walked in at just the right time to hear me sing “Santa Baby, I’ve really been a very good girl”. Julie looked at me and said “Wow, all that’s missing is a falsetto voice register and a heel kick”.
One has to be a “person” to have “personality”. My sister used that word once to describe her Chihuahua. Call it a pet peeve of mine, but animals can not have personality. Our pets can be cute and described as cuddly, but they don’t have personality. They have individuality, even character, but not personality.
Here's one WRITTEN law that I would like to see erased from the books: Horse collar tackles are illegal. What a stupid rule this is. Does the NFL want us to believe that no player ever used this type of tackle before the Roy Williams/Terrell Owens incident a few years ago? I played football through junior high and high school and I've used that tackle technique and had it used on me about 1,000 times and I turned out, as 99% of the people who have ever played the game I think, just fine. A ridiculous rule instated because of player's astronomical salaries and owner's and GMs want to protect their investments.
So, the Miami Dolphins are no longer winless. Last Sunday the Dolphins beat the Baltimore Ravens 22-16 in overtime to avoid going 0 for 2007. How did they do it? With a combination of grit and determination, solid football, some friendly breaks from the schedule makers, and good old-fashioned luck.
Every year we hear stories of how the 1972 Dolphins team stands by every week deep into the season to toast the event of the last undefeated team’s first loss. So far this season, thanks to the New England Patriots, they have yet to mark that event, but they must have been cheering on this year’s edition of the Dolphins, who rallied from a ten-point deficit in the third quarter to lead Baltimore 16-13 in the fourth. A determined effort by the Dolphins, who have lost several games this season by three points or less. Some might say this proves they were not quite as bad as their winless record (prior to Sunday) would indicate.
Every football team worth its game ticket price (an arguable point right there, but a topic for another post) spends countless hours preparing for their next game. It should be noted that I did not see the Miami-Baltimore game, but on at least one play, the Dolphins offensive scheme worked to perfection. Of course, I mean the game winning pass play from Cleo Lemon to Greg Camarillo. Camarillo took the Lemon short pass on a slant route and split two Baltimore defenders on a 64-yard sprint to the end zone. Camarillo’s first ever career touchdown came as he did his best impression of a mechanical rabbit to the Baltimore defense’s greyhounds. Therefore, on that one play, if not the rest of the game, solid game preparation paid off for Miami.
The schedule makers were actually kind to Miami last Sunday. Well, it would at least seem that way, as the Dolphins opponent had a less than respectable 3-10 record before Sunday’s game. The Ravens have not enjoyed success recently, having lost eight games in a row, including Sunday’s futile effort against Miami. The Ravens also lost linebacker Ray Lewis to a dislocated finger and quarterback Kyle Boller (the AFC’s version of Rex Grossman) to a mild concussion. Of course, when the schedule was released last April, no one knew how the season would play out, and each week brings a new and different set of game scenarios, but at least last week, the schedule makers were on Miami’s side.
A famous football coach (Vince Lombardi I believe) once said, “Footballs are shaped weird and they bounce funny”. Miami benefited from at least two lucky bounces and one lucky (for the Dolphins) coaching decision by Baltimore. Matt Stover, the Ravens’ place kicker, missed a 44-yard field goal attempt on Baltimore’s first possession in overtime, and he had a 50-yard attempt blocked by Dolphin defensive end Jason Taylor on the final play of the first half. Miami dodged a bullet when Ravens Coach Brian Billick chose to have Stover kick a field goal rather than try for a touchdown on a fourth and goal play from the Miami one-half yard line. With the Dolphins up 16-13, the field goal tied the game and forced overtime rather than give the Ravens the victory in regulation. Billick’s decision gave the Dolphins a reprieve and another chance to win, which they did.
So Miami is no longer winless thanks to Baltimore’s poor decision, their own offensive supremacy, albeit on one play, and some lucky breaks. Who would have thought this is how they would accomplish their first win after 14 games? Oh well, even a blind squirrel can find one acorn.
Here we are at week 15 of the NFL season, and five of the league’s eight division champions have clinched their titles. Of those that have yet to be decided, the most competitive, arguably, is the AFC North. This division, for all intents and purposes, is a two horse race, with the Cleveland Browns and Pittsburgh Steelers as the thoroughbreds and the Cincinnati Bengals and Baltimore Ravens, respectively, as the also ran nags.
The winner of this division may not be decided until after the last weekend of the regular season is over. In fact with Pittsburgh at a 9-4 record and Cleveland at 8-5, only one game separates the two division leaders, and with no common opponents scheduled in the last three weeks of the season, they could end up with identical records, in which case Pittsburgh would be champion, as they hold the tiebreaker, having won both games against the Browns this year.
Cleveland’s remaining schedule includes Buffalo, the Bengals, and San Francisco, with a collective won-loss record of 15-24 (.384). Pittsburgh’s schedule has the Jacksonville Jaguars, St. Louis Rams, and the Ravens, whose won-loss record is only one game better at 16-23 (.410). So with one game difference in the won loss records of both the two teams still in the running for the division title and their collective future competition, the strength of schedule factor is virtually a moot point.
Ironically, both Cleveland and Pittsburgh have one game left against a division opponent, the Browns have the Bengals in week 16, and the Steelers have the Ravens in week 17, both being road games for Cleveland and Pittsburgh, and giving Baltimore and Cincinnati both chances to spoil the party for the teams from the Rock and Roll Capitol and Steel City.
Both the Steelers and Browns face their toughest challenges in terms of remaining opponents this weekend, as Cleveland hosts Buffalo and Pittsburgh hosts Jacksonville. The Jaguars have an excellent chance of beating Pittsburgh, and Cleveland should beat Buffalo, so the two teams could be tied after this weekend’s games have been played.
So, with all the variables, the could happens, and the should happens, taken into consideration, who will win the AFC North? I don’t make predictions, but I will call this a projection. If Cleveland does beat Buffalo and Jacksonville beats Pittsburgh, then I project that the season ends with both teams at 11-5, and the 2007 AFC North champions will be the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Browns will make the playoffs as a Wild Card team.
The New England Patriots are at Buffalo tonight and favored by 15-½ points, to go 10-0 on the season. Even casual football fans are aware of the Patriots pursuit of an undefeated season. I’m sure if you were to ask Tom Brady, Randy Moss, or Bill Belichick (is that really how it’s spelled, belly-chick?) they’d each say their just taking them one game at a time, and each game one snap at a time, in their business like, lunch pail, blue collar, get the job done style.
However, one has to wonder after ten games, should New England win (and why shouldn’t they?), if in the private circles of the Patriots meetings and practices there aren’t murmurings and speculations about, dare to dream, what if they do go undefeated and surpass the record of 17-0 set by the ‘72 Miami Dolphins?
Wasn’t it Lexus whose ad slogan a few years ago was “The Relentless Pursuit of Perfection”? For what it’s worth, “perfection” is a term that’s overly used in the NFL and quite frankly, poorly defined. How many times have we been watching a game and hear John Madden or Troy Aikman, when referring to a pass completion say that so-and-so quarterback threw a “perfect” pass. So then what constitutes a perfect pass? Is it a nice tight spiral? If it is, then Anthony Wright has a bust destined for Canton. Most coaches and quarterbacks worth their salt, I believe, would say something to the effect of ‘a completion for positive yardage resulting in at least a first down, if not six points on the scoreboard’, whether it be a pretty ball, or an end-over-end toss reminiscent of Billy Kilmer’s Redskin career. Kilmer was renowned for throwing ‘ugly’ passes.
Antithetically speaking, this years edition of the Miami Dolphins are on a quest of another distinction, more dubious than exemplary. Miami is at Philadelphia to play the Eagles today and are 9-½ road underdogs to Philly. The Dolphins are 0-9 and may set the record for football futility if they finish the season winless at 0-16. How ironic would it be if the Patriots lose a game and the Dolphins go winless, making the same NFL franchise hold both records for going both undefeated (1972) and winless?
The St. Louis Rams won last week for the first time this season ruining the chance for two teams, them and the Dolphins, to go winless. If that had happened I would have been in favor of a one game postseason contest between the Rams and Dolphins. It could be called the Futility Bowl, but it would probably have ended in a 0-0 tie.
If there is any justice in the world, the Dolphins first win will be against the Patriots, putting an end to both probable streaks. I hope not.
All things considered, perfection, in football as in life, is virtually unattainable. We all have a love-hate relationship with our teams, which reminds me of something I told a very sweet girl once: It’s our imperfections that make us perfect for each other.
NBC Decided to go “green” on Sunday. All of their networks turned their logos green in an effort to draw attention to the environment, and the studio lights on the set of Football Night In America went dark and an eerie glow permeated the screen. Chris Collinsworth said something to the effect of “this lighting was meant for us” to Bob Costas. He may have been implying that the lighting, or absence thereof, was friendly to their less than attractive appearances, but rumor has it that after the show was over, he invited Costas out for a cocktail, ‘and maybe even something to drink‘.
Regarding Football Night In America, this show has me convinced of three things- One: Collinsworth, Jerome Bettis, and Tiki Barber were gifted athletes, but they make terrible football analysts. Two: Keith Olberman remains an obnoxious, pompous oaf. Three: Faith Hill could make me write bad checks.
Game of the week: New England and Indianapolis finally played THE game of the season. I personally was disappointed. This game was hyped for two weeks and both of these offensive juggernauts totaled a measly 44 points between them. I know, defense, defense, blah, blah, blah. I’m convinced Tom Brady has sold his soul to the devil. After Sunday’s game he has a quarterback rating of 131.8 for the season, with only 4 interceptions and is on pace to throw 66 touchdown passes, obviously the result of a deal with Beelzebub himself.
Game of the weak:The Texans beat Oakland 24-17. I’m a Texans fan (we are few but proud) and this game was not shown in the San Antonio viewing area. Apparently the local CBS affiliate thought the other game of the week in Indianapolis was more important. Texans RB Ron Dayne ran for 122 yards on 21 carries. Texan fans at the Battle Red Blog have given Dayne the nickname “London Bridge” for the way he falls down so easily. How bad is the Raiders run defense then? The Texans have a bye next week. The early line from Vegas is that “bye” is favored by 3.
The Browns gone from a 3-13 record last year to a 5-3 record after only 8 games. Cleveland fans don’t know how to act. First the Cavs make the NBA finals, then the Indians make it all the way to the ACLS, which can only mean the AFC title game has a reservation marked “Cleveland” at the table, right?
Detroit beat Denver 44-7. The 37 point gap was the most lopsided score of any game last weekend. What kind of job is Matt Millen doing now? The more appropriate question may be what kind of leader is Jon Kitna? The type every team should have.
The Cowboys beat the Eagles 38-17. I’ve just about decided that Wade Phillips is the benefactor of Bill Parcell’s tenure in Dallas. I mean Phillips’ past record as a head coach is just barely above .500 (I believe), and here Dallas is at 7-1 after Sunday night’s game? Is Wade that good a coach, or was the talent there when he got there and he just plugged in his system? Remember, the Cowboys’ Offensive Coordinator, Jason Garrett, was hired by Jerry Jones, not Phillips.
After starting out the season 0-4, the Saints have reeled off four strait Ws and are now at .500, just one game behind the first place Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who at 5-4 lead the NFC South arguably the worst division in the NFL.
The Steelers beat the Ravens 38-7. The Steelers have what I think are the best throwback uniforms of any team in the NFL, for what it’s worth (not much).
This season all the quarterbacks have a lime green inventory dot on the back of their helmets. Can someone tell me why? This would have come in handy in the early 90s when Thurman Thomas of the Bills misplace his helmet in the Super Bowl against Dallas.
The new NBA season has just started and already the same stories we were hearing last season have been regurgitated, recycled and re-debated by basketball pundits, so called experts, and stuffed neckties all across the print and electronic media.
Kobe Bryant wants out of LA, or to be more precise, he wants out of a Laker uniform. What else is new? The Bulls were interested, until Bryant put a stop to the deal when he found out Luol Deng would be offered as part of the deal, and not be there in Chicago to play along side Kobe. Please, Dr. Buss, trade Kobe, so this story will become old news and Rick Bucher and Stephen A. Smith can find something else to argue about, like who will be the champs this season. One thing is a bankable wager: it will not be the San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs will not repeat for a number of reasons.
I could state the obvious and note that the Spurs have never won in even numbered years. They won in ‘99, ‘03, ‘05, and last year in ‘07, and since that means they can’t possibly win it again this year, right?
I could also sight the fact that the Spurs are a team comprised of mainly veterans and are among the oldest teams in the league, and are just too susceptible to fatigue to compete deep into the NBA postseason, which by the way, is way too long anyway.
I could even stretch things a little and mention the fact that the Spurs roster is loaded with international players from The Netherlands, France, Argentina, and The Virgin Islands, and if these players represent their home countries in world competition that would further compound the fatigue factor as those players would have essentially played non stop for a year and a half.
I have been a Spurs fan since they relocated to San Antonio from Dallas as the ABA’s Chaparrals in 1973. I’ve enjoyed all four championships and lamented through twenty win seasons, the offense only mindset of Doug Moe and the very forgettable but brief (thank all that is holy) Jerry Tarkanian era.
However, the reason the Spurs will not repeat as NBA champions this year is quite simple. The definitive, iron clad, lead pipe cinch, wager the farm reason that they won’t repeat? Because Bill Walton says they will.
Bill Walton had a playing career that commanded respect, including championships with Portland and Boston, but his analytical and prognosticating skills leave a lot to be desired. The analysis he provides during ESPN and TNT broadcasts is legendary for it’s inanity. While Hubie Brown, the former coach and NBA icon provides in-depth analysis illustrated by telestrations which actually explain the nuances of basketball at the pinnacle that is the NBA, Walton provides such startling wisdom in remarks such as “These guys are good” and “Cleveland needs to play better to beat San Antonio”. Where else could the average basketball fan find such sage commentary on a par with Walton’s? Who else could provide such astounding commentary and analysis? I could. You could. If my dog could speak English she could.
I have nothing against Bill Walton personally, I just am of the opinion that his ability as a commentator to provide true workable knowledge of the game is overrated. To me a team picked by Walton to win it all surely will not. His pick to win it all at this time last year? The Phoenix Suns, whose fans have long lamented the success of the Spurs and feel that it was at their expense. Maybe Walton’s picking of a team to win the David Stern trophy is actually a curse, that is, maybe it’s like being on the cover of the John Madden video football game. That’s it! Walton is the John Madden of the NBA.
So, there you have it, the main reason the San Antonio Spurs will not repeat, because Bill Walton has predicted they will. For the record, he predicted this on the set of the NBA Shoot Around on ESPN on Wednesday, and said they would beat the Celtics in the finals, but what does he know?
So here we are, eight games into the NFL season. Halfway through the 17 week regular slate of games, and I, as a Texans fan, am about to pull out what little is left of my mane.
The season held such promise. A new quarterback, Matt Schaub, a backup obtained from Atlanta for two first round picks next year. Anyone remember the last Falcon backup traded to start for another team? Brett Favre? That’s right, the Packers all-millennia signal caller with the hair trigger rifle of an arm and winning smile. So how has the Houston version of the former Falcon quarterback done? Not quite as well as Favre. (My spell check hates the names Favre and Schaub)
Week one found the Texans opening up against Kansas City. Schaub, although not spectacular, did an admirable job and Houston won 20-3.
Week two saw the Houston team fall behind the Carolina Panthers 14-0 before the Texans mounted a comeback on the road and beat the Panthers 34-21. Schaub was elected President of Houston, without shaking a single hand or kissing any babies.
The Indianapolis Colts came into Houston for game 3 and beat a scrappy Houston team 30-24. Hanging with the Super Bowl champs for 3-½ quarters and only losing by 6 was seen as an improvement over the hapless Texans of last season.
Week four the Texans went into Atlanta for Schaub’s return to Atlanta. Houston was actually favored. Good teams are favored to win on the road, not Houston. Schaub’s return to Atlanta was spoiled by too many turnovers that lead to Falcon points. Schaub is immediately impeached as the President of Oil City.
The Texans won again, although slightly, in week 5 as kicker Kris Brown puts a last second field goal through to beat Miami 22-19. Kris Brown is nominated for President of Houston.
Fast forward, please, through week 6 as the Texans, who by now are producing more turnovers than Pillsbury, get throttled by Jacksonville 37-17.
Week 7 saw the Titans come to Houston, and marked the annual return of Vince Young to Reliant Stadium. Young was injured and did not play as Tennessee was quarterbacked by Vinny Testaverde’s baby brother, Kerry Collins. Collins performed masterfully from his prescription motorized scooter as he directed the Titans to a big lead over Houston. Schaub left the game with an injury, so, in comes Texans backup Sage Rosenfels, who proves to be wiser than his namesake, and leads the Texans to a come-from-behind lead with less than a minute to play. Collins, who had fallen asleep while watching a Matlock rerun on the sideline, comes in to engineer a last minute game winning drive punctuated by Rich Baronas’ eighth field goal, an NFL all time record. Baronas is appointed King of Tennessee.
Which brings this recap to last week’s game. Houston was on the road again, this time playing the Chargers in San Diego. My ex-wife was a fan of the Chargers, until she found out the reason they’re called the Chargers has nothing to do with a credit card. I know, I’ve used that joke before, and I’ll use it again too. Deal with it. The San Diego game was highlighted by a helmet to helmet cheap shot by the Chargers’ CB Drayton Florence. The hit put Schaub out of the game with a concussion. It’s rumored that Schaub was overheard on the sideline commenting that he didn’t even know Florence Henderson still played for San Diego. Chargers won 35-10. Matt Schaub will paint any car for $99.
So the Texans sit at the bottom of the AFC South midway through the season at 3-5. What’s a fan to do? I’ll keep watching whether they are winning or losing. I think that’s why I identify so easily with Cleveland fans. There’s always next year.
The Texans looked good early, but ended up getting fooled, schooled and ruled by Jacksonville to the tune of 37-17. This was a division game. Speaking of divisions, the AFC South has to be the most competitive division in the NFL. Houston is at the bottom with a 3-3 record. That would be good enough for first place in the AFC West, and the AFC South is the only division that does not have a team with a record under.500.
Vinny Testaverde, he of the Geritol patch and AARP membership, quarterbacked the Carolina Panthers to a win against the Arizona Cardinals today. I didn’t see the game, but it must have been interesting to see the Panthers’ offensive line keep their blocks without knocking over Testaverde’s walker.
As I type this the Seahawks and Saints are playing on NBC’s Football Night In America’s Sunday Night Football. Before the game, Seahawks fullback Mack Strong raised the figurative 12th man flag (a feature totally jacked from my Texas A&M Aggies, by the way) to cheers of the fans. Strong has had to retire this week after a 15 (I think it’s fifteen) year career. Strong has been a fan favorite in Seattle his whole career. One of the coolest things about Strong is his name. Isn’t “Mack Strong” the perfect name for a football player? Or maybe a private eye?
The Coors Light commercials where they show goofs asking questions at a mock press conference that are answered by edited shots of former NFL coaches have been running all night on NBC. At first they were kind of funny, now they just suck out loud. I wish the MLB playoffs were on.
I would be remiss if I did not mention the Patriots dismantling of the Dallas Cowboys earlier today. New England beat Dallas 48-27. I don’t have anything of value to say, I just don’t like being remiss.
Tony Gonzalez of the Kansas City Chiefs set the record today for most TD catches by a tight end in NFL history. The CBS pre-game show gang, specifically Boomer Esiason and Dan Marino were joking with their cohort Shannon Sharpe about him possibly being sad because he held the record that Gonzalez broke. I get sad every time I watch the CBS pre-game show, because Sharpe is so hard to understand. He should look into English as a second language.
The Atlanta Falcons play the New York Giants on Monday Night Football tomorrow night. I have nothing to say about that game, but I was planning on a trip to New York next year, but I would have to get the wicks on my tiki torches trimmed. I cancelled my trip when I called New York and they told there wasn’t a Tiki Barber anywhere in New York.
Everybody and their brother does pre-dictions. I'm not smart enough for that, so here are a few week 5 post-dictions.
Keith Olberman and I actually agree on something. On NBC’s Football Night in America telecast last night, Olberman, whose pomposity is surpassed only by his arrogance (redundant?), hosts a halftime feature during the NBC game telecast called “The Worst Person in the NFL”. Last night he chose Houston Texans defensive lineman Travis Johnson for that dubious distinction. I could not agree more. For those who don’t know, Johnson received a 15 yard personal foul for taunting Miami quarterback Trent Green while Green lay unconscious with a concussion, which he sustained while attempting to block Johnson on a reverse play ran by Ted Ginn, Jr. in the first quarter of yesterday’s game between Houston and Miami. Johnson claimed that Green tried an illegal chop block. Johnson is no threat to the Menses of the world. Right, a quarterback is going to chop block a D lineman by leading with his head? Way to go, Johnson. As a Texans fan, I say release him now.
ESPN’s Chris Berman must be a single man. Either that, or there’s no one in his life who cares how he dresses. The man needs to buy sports coats that fit. He wears short sleeve shirts under the sports coat, and the sleeves are too short, leaving the unfortunate viewers with an unabashed view of several inches of hairy wrist waggling back and forth with every exaggerated arm gesture. Not a pretty sight.
The Patriots seem to be unstoppable. Averaging 36.4 points a game, and headed to Dallas next week. The Cowboys may not be unbeaten when they play either. As I type this the Cowboys are trailing the Bills 24-16 at the start of the 4th quarter. Speaking of Monday Night Football, could there be a more boring trio of broadcasters then Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski, and Tony Kornheiser? Is it just me, or does Jaworski scream everything he says? Tirico is the most glamorous of the three, and he’s about as exciting as macramé. I wonder if Tony’s ever actually heised any korn?
Back to the Texans for a moment. Yesterday’s win against Miami improves Houston’s record to 3-2, still early, but that’s the best start after 5 games in the Texans short history. Who would have guessed that after 5 games the Texans and Cardinals would both be 3-2 and the Chargers and Bears would both be 2-3?
I spent the better part of this afternoon out digging in the vegetable garden. There’s nothing like the taste of fresh vegetables grown in your own garden. I like the garden. I can’t stand “to” garden. With the onset of spring, today’s excursion into gardening cultivation was merely to turn the ground and prepare it for future planting in the next few weeks so, since I didn’t have to be that careful about the digging, I could let my mind wander from this mundane task that I loathe while performing the actual work. While I was working I came up with a few thoughts.
I have always identified myself with the common man, the average Joe, John Q. Public. Although I am uniquely myself, one of a kind, I am also extraordinarily ordinary. However as the common man, I have also come to realize that I have some things in common with some world class athletes. For instance:
Michelle Wie: She has never won an LPGA or PGA event that she has ever entered, neither have I.
Diasuke Matsuzaka: He throws a mean gyro pitch in baseball. I often eat gyro sandwiches with meatballs.
Andre Aggasi: He makes his living with a racquet. I’ve been told I make a racket when I sleep. There’s one more thing that Agassi and I have in common, the hairdo. Actually his is by design, mine is by nature. Agassi shaves his head. Me, well you don’t prune dead trees.
Remember the commercial from a few years ago that asked “Do you suffer from male pattern baldness? For me the answer is no, I enjoy it. Unless you’re a stockholder in a shampoo company, or God forbid, you’re suffering the side effects of a terrible disease, hair is way overrated. Many people consider me follically challenged, I consider myself follically free. Most people’s hair turns gray, mine turned loose. Here’s my personal favorite disclaimer: I don’t waste hormones growing hair.
So, how can you tell if you have male pattern baldness? Or, in other words, what are the patterns involved? Here they are:
The crop circle: The hair on the very back of the head begins to thin in a circular pattern and slowly expands outward. Sort of a natural yarmulke, if you will.
The Peninsula: This pattern develops as the hair recedes from the temple areas of the head, resulting in a three sided protrusion of hair from the back of the head to the front. This condition often results in a separation of the hair from front and back resulting in a small tuff of hair on the front of the head, commonly referred to as “the Island”.
The Cul-de-sac: This is the final stage and the easiest to maintain. With hair only on the sides of the head and the back resulting in the pattern as common to the suburbs as it is to the human head.
Well as I mentioned, when I dig in the garden I have time to think. Maybe too much time to think. Maybe I should get an MP3 player and listen to music instead.
You may not have been aware of this, but the inaugural season of the MFL just ended. No this is not an obscure football league, the MFL is the Minnesota Fantasy Legislature. That’s right, fantasy legislature. Just as in fantasy sports leagues, team owners in the MFL draft politicians from the available office holders and score points based on the legislative accomplishments of their “players”. Points are awarded for among other things, bills that are filed, heard in committee, sent to the chamber floor for a vote, passed, signed by the Governor, and even passed by the override of the Governor’s veto.
Sports have always had a certain political aspect to them. The Heisman Trophy, the Most Valuable Players for any professional league, even the NCAA football championship are all chosen by the collective votes of everyone from sports writers to the fans themselves. There was speculation that Houston Rocket center Yao Ming was voted to the All-Star game his rookie year not because of his on court accomplishments, but the number of votes he received over the internet from fans in his native China essentially “stuffing” the ballots with votes for him to be included in the game. If memory serves me correctly, I think he started the game that year.
All things considered, the parallels between sports and politics have at times blurred the line that separates the two. Each has their own vernacular, but some terms have similar meanings. How many times have you read the word “campaign” substituted for the word “season” when describing the record of a sports team? From now until November of next year the cable news channels will never let us forget that it’s election “season”. A “yellow dog democrat” is basically the same as any “diehard fan”, casting allegiance with a favorite team, and nothing, not even a winless season, will make them change. A sports fan who follows a team because they’re winning is called a “band Wagoner”. These barnacles on the hull of the good ship victory, are just the same as a voter casting a ballot for a candidate without researching the person behind the persona.
Political “pundits” are basically cheerleaders without pompoms. For every James Carville there’s an opposing Rush Limbaugh. For the record, I agree with 90-95% of what Limbaugh says, but he has become so enamored with the sound of his own voice, that I‘ve stopped listening to his program.
J. C. Watts and Steve Largent are both political office holders in Oklahoma, and both enjoyed stellar football careers, Watts and Largent both played college ball for the Oklahoma Sooners, and Largent is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Former Knick Bill Bradley is a New York congressman. One can argue that the reason each of these men ventured into politics is the high public profile they attained during their playing days.
When I was in college my degree plan required a science class. The Environmental Science class was small and took a field trip to a water treatment plant, where I saw a poster that showed a large mouth bass floating on it’s side. The caption read “Only a dead fish goes with the flow”. I adopted that phrase as my motto and basic philosophy on life in general. In short, whether in choosing a political candidate to vote for, or a sports team to root for, don’t follow the crowd. Do the research. Think with your own brain.
