In the wake of San Francisco 49ers owner John York announcing his plans to move the storied franchise to Santa Clara, many Niner fans are left distraught, perplexed, and bewildered. Just when a ray of light was about to shine on a young, improving (albeit slowly) team, the highly unpopular owner dropped this bombshell. Yes, it is hard to imagine the 49ers not in San Francisco, but for once, gulp; I do understand York’s logic. Here’s why:
The team has been talking about building a new stadium since 1997, when Carmen Policy and Eddie DeBartolo were still running the show. As of today, no concrete plans have ever surfaced about when, where, and how this wonderful idea was to be achieved.
Candles.., er, 3Com, um, I mean Monster Park is the dump of professional sports venues. They host eight games a year and still can’t seem to get the scoreboard lights working. The parking lot floods when it hasn’t rained in six months and the concessions stands are circa 1973. Whatever-you-wanna-call-it Park needs to be highly upgraded, or blown up.
Santa Clara is in the South Bay near Paramount’s Great America amusement park and the city of San Jose. The Silicon Valley is booming and rich with land and paying customers. It is the home of the 49ers training facility, which is far more attractive than the location of where the actual games are played. There is an abundance of space across from the training facility that would be ideal for a new state-of-the-art stadium. Caltrains offers train service to the location in Santa Clara, making it easier for fans to get around. No such service of any kind is offered to Candlestick Point. Parking would be easier, and there wouldn’t be a flooded parking lot to trudge through.
York stated that the name of the 49ers would never change as long as the team was in the Bay Area. It will not be like the Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim. They won’t be the San Francisco 49ers of Santa Clara. Both the Jets and Giants claim New York as their hometown and they play their home games in New Jersey. They don’t seem to mind, and neither should we.
While these reasons seem logical for York and the 49ers, many still have concerns. Is this just a ploy to make the Mayor of San Francisco Gavin Newsome fork over serious money to help find a site and pay for the 49ers to stay in the city? Newsome is up for re-election next year and I doubt he wants to be known as the mayor who let the 49ers get away. Or, is this just step two of what York hopes will land the team in Los Angeles, where many believe the 49ers have long been considered a candidate to move. Is York secretly hoping that Santa Clara will not help provide the finances needed for such an operation, thus using both S.F. and Santa Clara failures as a scapegoat to move south? Yes, these are conspiracy theories, but York has not proven a single thing to his fan base since taking over that he has any clue about what he is doing. Terry Donahue and Dennis Erickson is all that needs to be said. Fans will be disenchanted if and when the 49ers to leave the City by the Bay. Like many fans, I too analyze teams with 80% heart and 20% brain. I don’t want the 49ers to leave the city because it’s their city. They were the first major league sports franchise in the Bay Area. The history. The tradition. The Super Bowls. All of these mean something to 49ers fans. It all happened in San Francisco. Fathers bonded with sons, beer drinkers celebrated with wine sippers, and all seemed right in the universe. However, as we all know, when it comes to owners these days, dollars and cents will always beat out the fans. With this said, let us not waver in self-pity or sulk until the sun comes up. Let us appreciate the great times that were had in San Francisco and move forward to what will hopefully be a first class venue in Santa Clara. Change is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t always mean it is bad. You may now have as many beers as you like, as Caltrains has your transportation covered. www.oldskoolsports.com
First thing’s first: Ron Washington deserves to be the next manager of the Oakland A’s. Oakland’s loyal, underrated third base/infielder’s coach has turned Eric Chavez into a perennial gold glover at third base, fixed Miguel Tejada’s inability to make the routine play, and has made Mark Ellis the American League’s best defensive second baseman. Heck, the man turned Scott Hatteberg into an above average first baseman. The players love him. The fans love him. Even the media is pulling for him. Washington has said it would be a dream come true to manage in the big leagues. And, this is why I hope he DOES NOT get the Oakland job. Don’t get me wrong; Washington absolutely deserves to be a major league manager. He has paid his dues and his stock has never been higher. But, Washington also deserves to be in control of his players, coaches and clubhouse. As long as Billy Beane is running things in Oakland, he, or anyone else, will never have that opportunity. Billy Beane parted ways with Ken Macha for the second time in two years. This time, he won’t be back. Days after the A’s were swept by Detroit in the ALCS, Beane cited “communication” problems with Macha and fired him. Usually when a manager takes a $60 million dollar payroll to the ALCS, communication problems work themselves out. Not in Oakland. Macha, growing tired Beane’s my way or the highway approach, began voicing his frustrations in the media, and Beane noticed. While many things in life are questioned, the fact that Billy Beane is the commander in chief in Oakland is not one of them. To question this is the equivalent of begging to be fired. Macha did. His services are now available. We all know Beane does not think too highly of the managerial occupation. If it were up to him, he’d probably abolish any rule that says a team has to have a manager. They are there to not screw up the cast of players Beane has assembled. They are, in a sense, Beane’s puppets. Sounds like a real dream job, huh? Ron Washington has worked his way up the ladder of the coaching ranks. Many feel he should already be a manager. And while I hope he finally does get the chance to manage his own team, I hope for his sake it is nowhere near Billy Beane. Now that would be a dream come true. Just ask Ken Macha. www.oldskoolsports.com
Choosing the nickname for a professional sports team is very serious business. Teams need to make sure that the name has some team-specific significance, that it isn’t too corny, and that it is not confusing to fans. Unfortunately, New Zealand’s badminton team, affectionately known as the Black ####, didn’t pay attention to the last rule. Some American teams also chose to ignore these rules when they chose a name. Here, in no particular order, are the lamest team nicknames accompanied with suggestions for more appropriate ones.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Reports are that the team will be changing its name in the off-season. If there is any team that needs a name change to assist with an image makeover it is Tampa Bay. All around baseball, the name Devil Rays is synonymous with sucking.
Suggestion: Tampa Bay Tangerines
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Perhaps the most confusing name in all of professional sports. Not only does the team have two cities in its name, but it also has its nickname repeated. The Spanish translation for “the angels” is Los Angeles. So I present to you, The Angels Angels of Anaheim. Huh?
Suggestion: Los Angeles Traffic
Utah Jazz
This nickname made sense when the team was located in New Orleans, which is the birthplace of jazz music. Now in Utah, a musical nickname just doesn’t seem appropriate.
Suggestion: Utah Salt Lakes
Houston Texans
So the people who came up with this nickname weren’t exactly geniuses; but unlike some other teams, at least their nickname has some relevance to the team’s location. Still, Houston gets a negative 10 for lack of creativity.
Suggestion: Houston Wranglers
Connecticut Sun (WNBA)
Is it ever even sunny in Connecticut? This name is fine for Phoenix but doesn’t fit at all for a team based in the northeast.
Suggestion: Connecticut Colds
Colorado Rockies
Probably one of the most obvious nicknames in sports. Is Colorado known for anything besides the Rocky Mountains? Okay, maybe Coors beer but besides its beer, Colorado loves its mountains.
Suggestion: Colorado Black Diamonds
Charlotte Bobcats
The newest team in the NBA had a chance to make a real splash with its nickname. Somehow the team settled on the made-for-movie fake team name, Bobcats. This name just reminds me too much of the Miami Sharks from “Any Given Sunday.”
Suggestion: Charlotte Independence
Minnesota Wild (NHL)
What is so wild about Minnesota? Apparently not much or the North Stars wouldn’t have bolted to Dallas. Even though wild in this case refers to a vast open area, which is precisely what this name is: too vast. Something more specific would be a good start.
Suggestion: Minnesota Rolling Rocks
Toronto Raptors
Toronto isn’t a very good team, but its nickname might be worse. From what I know a Raptor is a small dinosaur from the prehistoric age. What Toronto and dinosaurs have in common is beyond me. Also, if they were going to choose a dinasaur name, why not go for something more ferocious like the Tyrannosaurus Rex? Raptors just don’t seem to strike much fear in people.
Suggestion: Toronto Parliament
Washington Wizards
I liked the team a lot better when it was called the Bullets. Now that was a sweet name. Wizards just sounds a little too geeky. Watch out, they might try to cast a spell on you.
Suggestion: Washington Congressmen
Cleveland Browns The worst color in the world seems appropriate for one of the worst teams in the world. The color brown is so blah. Which also describes the Browns’ play.
Suggestion: Cleveland Industrials
Atlanta Thrashers (NHL)
According to the dictionary, a thrasher is any of various New World songbirds related to the mockingbird. What, are the intimidating Thrashers going to sing you to death? Even though Hawks and Falcons are already taken by their respective NBA and NFL counterparts, any other bird besides a mockingbird would have done the trick.
Suggestions: Atlanta Vultures
New York Red Bulls (MLS)
Anytime a corporation sneaks its name into a team’s nickname it isn’t a good thing. Red Bulls would be pretty cool if it was a made up name and not the name of an energy drink.
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The 2006 ESPY awards have come and gone. In case you missed it the evening was filled with laughs, tears and as always some unintentional comedy. Here is a rundown of some of the show’s highlights and lowlights.
First off, we need to congratulate host Lance Armstrong on finding his new career after cycling. He is now a full-time comedian and can be seen at the Laugh Factory every Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Just kidding, but you have to give a hand to the show’s writers who made Armstrong look like an everyday Richard Pryor up there on stage.
After a slide show and a few Brokeback jokes to open the evening, the first award was for Best Championship Performance. It was presented by Janet Jackson. What? Tito must not have been available. I thought presenters at these shows either A) Played a sport or B) are frequently in the tabloids for being famous. If it was 1986 this would make a whole lot more sense.
Vince Young won the Championship Performance award and proceeded to thank his “teammates” Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush. Apparently everyone is really a USC fan deep down. Young should have brought up a cheat sheet with the names of his teammates on it to keep him from messing it up. He also should have used a cheat sheet on the Wonderlic Test, but that is neither here nor there.
And the award for Most Awkward Pairing goes to Shaun White and Carmen Electra. Someone should have told him that staring directly at her boobs while being filmed is a dead give away.
Was it just me or did it seem like the dress code required every athlete to wear sunglasses or a Pimp Hat?
Speaking of clothing, everyone in attendance was dressed very sharp. Most of the men had on suits and ties, and then there was Matthew McConaughey who had on a sailing shirt that showed off his chest. I guess when you are the Sexiest Man Alive it really doesn’t matter what you wear.
Chris Berman came out on stage and within 15 seconds, surprise surprise, managed to plug ABC and NASCAR. This guy must get paid even when he isn’t working.
Berman then introduced the SportsCentury of Ricky Bobby. The skit was pretty much a plug for Talladega Nights but still managed to be very funny. Is it safe to say that the Will Ferrell we all love is back for good? For our own good, let’s hope so.
The award for Best Game shouldn’t have even been up for a vote. The winner was the USC-Texas Rose Bowl. If that game didn’t win it would have been a bigger upset than Texas actually beating USC.
The Pittsburg Steelers won the award for Best Team. This team is slowly becoming the New York Yankees of the NFL. I knew a handful of Steelers fans before the season started, but now everyone and their mother is a Steelers fan. By the way, I thought it was a little rude that Jerome Bettis didn’t thank the referees for their support, during his acceptance speech.
Awkward moment No. 2 comes courtesy of the same Pittsburg Steelers. After winning the award, the group of team members on hand called a “surprise” guest to the stage. Ben Roethlisberger then appeared to very little ovation and thanked the fans for their support. I was hoping that Lance and Ben would ride out together on a tandem bicycle wearing Bell helmets. Now that would have been worth the price of admission.
And finally, the show came to an end with the only musical act of the night. It was a collaboration of musicians including the O’Jays and Talib Kweli among others. What happened next had the potential to go down in history as one of the show’s greatest moments. Random athletes were pulled up on stage to dance and sing along to the song. LeBron, Dwayne Wade, Alonzo Mourning, and Gary Payton were all up there shaking to the groove. Miraculously, the only white guy on stage was Lance and he had to be there. I was secretly hoping that somehow Doug Flutie or Landon Donovan would have made their way to the stage for a potential Mark Madson infused dance-off. It didn’t go as I hoped, but there is always next year. www.oldskoolsports.com
The Oakland Raiders run as official bad boys of the NFL might have come to a close Thursday. The team forever known for blatantly disregarding personal character and signing players with rap sheets longer than Robert Downey Jr. is going to have to fight the newly crowned Cincinnati Bengals for its title back. Somewhere Al Davis is smiling. You see, the on the rise Bengals, anchored by a great young quarterback in Carson Palmer, an exceptionally smart coach in Marvin Lewis, and arguably the game’s best playmaker Chad Johnson is getting more attention for its players’ behavior off the field than their hard-nosed play on it. Just the other day Cincinnati linebacker Odell Thurman was suspended for the first four games of upcoming season for violating the league’s substance-abuse policy. No big deal right, he isn’t the first professional athlete to allegedly enjoy nature’s herb, so lets not be so quick to hang the guy. But I haven’t mentioned that Thurman was previously kicked off the Georgia football team while in college for failing at least one drug test, which bodes well because Thurman now has something in common with the Bengals’ newest addition, supplemental draft pick linebacker Ahmed Brooks of Virginia. Brooks was arrested in 2003 for marijuana possession, and after failing multiple drug test was dismissed from the team this past March. These two should get along just famously. If two troubled linebackers weren’t enough, the Bengals actually have the resources to field a whole position of knuckleheads when rookie linebacker A.J. Nicholson lines up next to Thurman and Brooks on defense. Nicholson was arrested on charges of theft and later dismissed from the Florida State team for sexual misconduct before the Orange Bowl. Not to be outdone in the race for shame is rookie Frostee Rucker, who is facing two spousal abuse and two vandalism charges in Los Angles County, and teammate wide receiver Chris Henry, who now is the NFL’s No. 1 Bad Boy, after being arrested four times in seven months. Ladies and gentlemen, your Cincinnati Criminals…I mean Bengals. The Bengals’ owners need to start using their brains before their team gets completely out of control. There is something to be said for a person’s character. Look at the Patriots for instance, who are the epitome of class and character. The Bengals have too good an opportunity to win, and too many good, young guys to build around to jeopardize that future by continuously adding misfits to the roster. They need to start drafting more with their heads and not their egos. My suggestion would be to send a message and kicks these guys off the team, or suspend them, but make them earn the privilege of playing in the NFL. It’s not too late to start rebuilding the team’s proud image, and besides Al Davis is always one questionable signing away from the Raiders’ reclaiming the top spot again. www.oldskoolsports.com
The Pistons are going to regret not re-signing free agent Ben Wallace. At least this gives Darko Milicic a chance to get off the pine and get some playing time. Wait a second; the Pistons traded Darko last year in hopes of saving money to bring back Wallace. Talk about awkward.
The Bulls, after stealing Wallace away, are now serious title contenders for the first time since MJ and co. ran circles around the league. I just can’t wait to hear what Ozzie Guillen has to say about the signing.
The New Orleans Hornets have provided the first “what were they thinking” move of the off-season. They gave $64 million to Peja Stojakovic. The same guy who was once compared to Larry Bird. The same guy who has no inside game, period. The same guy who has disappeared in the playoffs every single season. Things could get ugly down in the Bayou.
Some one is going to accuse hot dog eating champ Takeru Kobayashi of using performance enhancing drugs.
How has no one been seriously injured at one of these eating competitions? On second thought, maybe injuries do happen; it’s just that heart attacks, strokes and ulcers are considered occupational hazards in the sport of competitive eating.
David Beckham officially stepped down as captain of England’s soccer team. Here’s betting that the guy who supplants Becks will not be anywhere near as attractive.
Italy will be playing for the World Cup title. They haven’t lost a match yet, only tying the disappointing United States 1-1 thanks to an own goal. Apparently these Italians aren’t as good as they look.
Have fun watching the Subway Series, I mean 2006 MLB All-Star game.
If there was one roster spot still available for the game and the ballot included the Phillies Bobby Abreu or the New York Mets Jose Lima. I’m betting on Lima in a landslide.
Nomar Garciaparra is an obvious snub from the National League’s team. Insert (“I didn’t even know Nomar was healthy” joke) here.
Want to know what’s wrong will the All-Star voting? Kansas City Royals pitcher Mark Redman, he of the 5.50 ERA made the roster. I guess it was the safe pick considering Reggie Sanders’ .240 BA.
The Tour de France is underway. Luckily Lance Armstrong got out when he did. All these doping allegations are enough to ruin a guy’s reputation.
Jose Canseco has already asked for a trade after playing only one game with his new team. He also asked Mark McGwire to be his friend on MySpace. Looks like that trade request might be a little more feasible.
On a final note. Scott Schafer, a Met’s sixth-round draft pick, was dropped by his agent and forced to settle for a below-average bonus after posting pictures of himself in a Met’s hat and espousing vulgar things. Nice one Scott. Gotta love MySpace.
Choke on that Phil Mickelson. Looks like “Lefty” isn’t everybody’s All-American anymore. With the U.S. Open in his back pocket, Philly “Cheese Steak” Mickelson pissed it away. Actually, he hit it so far left off the 18th tee that the ball bounced off a circus tent situated about 250 yards down the left hand rough and back into the crowd. Thank God Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey were in town, or Cheese Steak could have been staring a triple-bogey right in the face. Maybe it was meant to be though. Golf is a sport, and athletes compete in sports. With those man boobs of his, Cheese Steak is far from a well-oiled machine. Put down the fork, face!
The NBA Finals are one game away from possible being over. It’s just a hunch but I don’t think Mark Cuban is very happy. Plus he likes to curse..a lot. Give this guy some Ritalin already. He talks more #### behind the referees back than Paris Hilton talks behind Nicole Richie’s. If the finals were a hissy-fit screaming match, the Mavericks would have swept 4-0. But since we actually play the games, the Heat are on there way to the title because of one man- Dwayne Wade. This guy is punking the whole Dallas team every single time he steps on the floor. Forget the Big Aristotle, Shaq is now the Big Sidekick. While Shaq continues to shoot his team out of games, 7-22 from the free throw stripe the last two games, D-Wade is picking up the slack. That’s why they are free throws big fella. Maybe if he stopped running around South Beach playing detective and spent some time shooting in the gym, the Heat could have wrapped this thing up by now.
A football player was arrested last night, and somewhere Lawrence Taylor laughed hysterically. Pittsburg Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes was arrested Monday after being arraigned on charges of domestic violence by assault, assault and speeding. And get this, he swears he is innocent. He is probably right, the police are just out to get him. Sure buddy. Maybe Holmes should stop beating down people off the field and focus on beating down his opponents on it. Athletes just don’t seem to get enough attention in the off-season so they have to do something to get their name in the paper. Whatever helps get your name out there, right Santonio? This is Holmes second arrest since being drafted in April, but unfortunately he still trails Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry, who has been arrested four times in the past six months, in the unofficial NFL Arrest Race. Easily the most popular player this off-season, Henry will look to make some noise ON the field this season. Yes Chris, they pay you for touchdowns not arrests.
During the seventh-inning stretch at Sunday’s Cubs game, Entourage’s Jeremy Piven decided to add a little something extra to his rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” Before he began to sing Piven yelled out, “Let’s hug it out, you little ####es.” But apparently cursing in front of 40,000 fans is a no-no. Cubs fans haven’t gotten this worked up since, well, dare I say 1908. What do expect from a guy who hangs out in Hollywood with Vinnie Chase, Johnny Drama and the rest of the crew every day. I’m personally surprised that he didn’t drop a famous Ari Gold f-bomb on the crowd. Now that would have made Harry Carey turn over in his grave.
Behind a rookie goaltender, the Carolina Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup trophy after beating the Edmonton Oilers on Monday night. Is it just me, or is the nickname “Hurricanes” just a little insensitive these days? First the Florida Panthers finish near the bottom of its division, and now Carolina rubs it in just a little bit more. Nothing like turning a national disaster into a national joke.
Ben Roethlisberger almost just drove himself out of a career. The youngest quarterback to guide a team to the Super Bowl Championships is lucky to be a live let alone have the opportunity to return to the football field. After colliding with car while riding his Suzuki Hayabusa motorcycle on Monday morning, the 24 year-old Pittsburg Steeler became just another adrenalin infused athlete fortunate to survive a horrible motorcycle accident. Whether athletes believe they are invincible, or are just plain ignorant to the idea of injury the one lesson we can learn is that athletes and motorcycles don’t mix. I’m glad that Roethlisberger survived the accident only a broken jaw and nose and some missing teeth, and hope that he makes a full recovery. But I’m having a hard time remembering when exactly athletes became everyday Evil Knievels. How else can we explain why these professionals are constantly turning their off-field lives into a version of Red Asphalt? And the guilty include: Cleveland Browns tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. who missed the entire NFL season after sustaining internal injuries and damage to his shoulder and knee after crashing his Hayabusa motorcycle while learning to drive it; Jamie Henderson, a cornerback for the New York Jets, survived a 2004 motorcycle wreck, but he missed the entire season and was subsequently cut; and who can forget about Jay Williams, the slick-handling rookie point guard for the Chicago Bulls who is very fortunate to be alive after crashing his bike into a light pole and ending his career before it had a chance to blossom. He was even caught on videotape weeks before the accident, joking that he shouldn’t be on the bike. Well, looks like that joke didn’t exactly end up so funny. The Duke graduate was smart enough to realize that riding a motorcycle was a bad idea, but he still did anyways. Smart people can act dumb in certain situations, which is the case with most of these ####-rocket riding stars. (The list of accident prone athletes also includes Jerome Mathis, Dario Franchitti, Hermann Maier, Marcus Robertson, Kenny Mixon, Gary Brown, Jermaine Smith, Steve Howe and Shawn Price). I’m sensing a trend. These guys need to spend a little more time studying game film and a little less time speeding through rush hour traffic. Maybe I just don’t understand the draw of a motorcycle. I might be old-fashioned, but cars have these things called seat belts that upon collision spare your body from being violently thrown around. Motorcycles unfortunately are not equipped with this life saving device, yet there is a motorcycle specific device called a helmet that is your best safety precaution. Wait, Big Ben wasn’t wearing a helmet! Let me guess, helmets just aren’t very cool for a manly, Super Bowl winning, bachelor. Tell me about it. I used to hate wearing my bicycle helmet when riding to school every morning because it looked far from cool, and the third grade ladies let me know it. But I was smart enough to realize that if a thousand pound steel car comes barreling down on me, I liked my chances of surviving better with that Bell helmet on. Just last year, in an interview with ESPN, Roethlisberger asked why he doesn’t wear a helmet when he rides. His response, “Because you don't have to. It's not the law. If it was the law, I'd definitely have one on every time I rode. But it's the law and I know I don't have to and you're just more free when you're out there with no helmet on.” Well buddy, the Steelers don’t have to pay you millions of dollars, but they do. And if you are putting your career in jeopardy with your actions, don’t be surprised if they are a little upset with you. It boggles my mind that by day, Roethlisberger and every other NFL players wears a helmet for safety, but by night a helmet is the furthest thing from their head. In the meantime, professional athletes continue to put their careers and lives in jeopardy by investing thousands of dollars into two-wheel death traps. Hopefully this latest tragic accident will draw the attention of some other motorcycle riding athletes. Maybe just one of them will be go against the grain and drive a car around town. They might not look as cool as Roethlisberger does on his bike, but to some people having your face in tact and a professional sports career is cool enough.
In the wake of San Francisco 49ers owner John York announcing his plans to move the storied franchise to Santa Clara, many Niner fans are left distraught, perplexed, and bewildered. Just when a ray of light was about to shine on a young, improving (albeit slowly) team, the highly unpopular owner dropped this bombshell. Yes, it is hard to imagine the 49ers not in San Francisco, but for once, gulp; I do understand York’s logic. Here’s why: 
First thing’s first: Ron Washington deserves to be the next manager of the Oakland A’s. Oakland’s loyal, underrated third base/infielder’s coach has turned Eric Chavez into a perennial gold glover at third base, fixed Miguel Tejada’s inability to make the routine play, and has made Mark Ellis the American League’s best defensive second baseman. Heck, the man turned Scott Hatteberg into an above average first baseman. The players love him. The fans love him. Even the media is pulling for him. Washington has said it would be a dream come true to manage in the big leagues. And, this is why I hope he DOES NOT get the Oakland job. 
Choosing the nickname for a professional sports team is very serious business. Teams need to make sure that the name has some team-specific significance, that it isn’t too corny, and that it is not confusing to fans. Unfortunately, New Zealand’s badminton team, affectionately known as the Black 
Are you 5’ 8’’? 150 pounds? Still have dreams of leading your Alma Mater to the national championship? Want to be proclaimed the Big Man on Campus? Boy do I have a product for you. This cutting edge technology is sure to cure even the lowliest former athlete’s inner most desires of football glory. 
The 2006 ESPY awards have come and gone. In case you missed it the evening was filled with laughs, tears and as always some unintentional comedy. Here is a rundown of some of the show’s highlights and lowlights. 
The Oakland Raiders run as official bad boys of the NFL might have come to a close Thursday. The team forever known for blatantly disregarding personal character and signing players with rap sheets longer than Robert Downey Jr. is going to have to fight the newly crowned Cincinnati Bengals for its title back. Somewhere Al Davis is smiling. You see, the on the rise Bengals, anchored by a great young quarterback in Carson Palmer, an exceptionally smart coach in Marvin Lewis, and arguably the game’s best playmaker Chad Johnson is getting more attention for its players’ behavior off the field than their hard-nosed play on it. Just the other day Cincinnati linebacker Odell Thurman was suspended for the first four games of upcoming season for violating the league’s substance-abuse policy. No big deal right, he isn’t the first professional athlete to allegedly enjoy nature’s herb, so lets not be so quick to hang the guy. But I haven’t mentioned that Thurman was previously kicked off the Georgia football team while in college for failing at least one drug test, which bodes well because Thurman now has something in common with the Bengals’ newest addition, supplemental draft pick linebacker Ahmed Brooks of Virginia. Brooks was arrested in 2003 for marijuana possession, and after failing multiple drug test was dismissed from the team this past March. These two should get along just famously. If two troubled linebackers weren’t enough, the Bengals actually have the resources to field a whole position of knuckleheads when rookie linebacker A.J. Nicholson lines up next to Thurman and Brooks on defense. Nicholson was arrested on charges of theft and later dismissed from the Florida State team for sexual misconduct before the Orange Bowl. Not to be outdone in the race for shame is rookie Frostee Rucker, who is facing two spousal abuse and two vandalism charges in Los Angles County, and teammate wide receiver Chris Henry, who now is the NFL’s No. 1 Bad Boy, after being arrested four times in seven months. Ladies and gentlemen, your Cincinnati Criminals…I mean Bengals. The Bengals’ owners need to start using their brains before their team gets completely out of control. There is something to be said for a person’s character. Look at the Patriots for instance, who are the epitome of class and character. The Bengals have too good an opportunity to win, and too many good, young guys to build around to jeopardize that future by continuously adding misfits to the roster. They need to start drafting more with their heads and not their egos. My suggestion would be to send a message and kicks these guys off the team, or suspend them, but make them earn the privilege of playing in the NFL. It’s not too late to start rebuilding the team’s proud image, and besides Al Davis is always one questionable signing away from the Raiders’ reclaiming the top spot again. 
