In the wake of San Francisco 49ers owner John York announcing his plans to move the storied franchise to Santa Clara, many Niner fans are left distraught, perplexed, and bewildered. Just when a ray of light was about to shine on a young, improving (albeit slowly) team, the highly unpopular owner dropped this bombshell. Yes, it is hard to imagine the 49ers not in San Francisco, but for once, gulp; I do understand York’s logic. Here’s why:
The team has been talking about building a new stadium since 1997, when Carmen Policy and Eddie DeBartolo were still running the show. As of today, no concrete plans have ever surfaced about when, where, and how this wonderful idea was to be achieved.
Candles.., er, 3Com, um, I mean Monster Park is the dump of professional sports venues. They host eight games a year and still can’t seem to get the scoreboard lights working. The parking lot floods when it hasn’t rained in six months and the concessions stands are circa 1973. Whatever-you-wanna-call-it Park needs to be highly upgraded, or blown up.
Santa Clara is in the South Bay near Paramount’s Great America amusement park and the city of San Jose. The Silicon Valley is booming and rich with land and paying customers. It is the home of the 49ers training facility, which is far more attractive than the location of where the actual games are played. There is an abundance of space across from the training facility that would be ideal for a new state-of-the-art stadium. Caltrains offers train service to the location in Santa Clara, making it easier for fans to get around. No such service of any kind is offered to Candlestick Point. Parking would be easier, and there wouldn’t be a flooded parking lot to trudge through.
York stated that the name of the 49ers would never change as long as the team was in the Bay Area. It will not be like the Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim. They won’t be the San Francisco 49ers of Santa Clara. Both the Jets and Giants claim New York as their hometown and they play their home games in New Jersey. They don’t seem to mind, and neither should we.
While these reasons seem logical for York and the 49ers, many still have concerns. Is this just a ploy to make the Mayor of San Francisco Gavin Newsome fork over serious money to help find a site and pay for the 49ers to stay in the city? Newsome is up for re-election next year and I doubt he wants to be known as the mayor who let the 49ers get away. Or, is this just step two of what York hopes will land the team in Los Angeles, where many believe the 49ers have long been considered a candidate to move. Is York secretly hoping that Santa Clara will not help provide the finances needed for such an operation, thus using both S.F. and Santa Clara failures as a scapegoat to move south? Yes, these are conspiracy theories, but York has not proven a single thing to his fan base since taking over that he has any clue about what he is doing. Terry Donahue and Dennis Erickson is all that needs to be said. Fans will be disenchanted if and when the 49ers to leave the City by the Bay. Like many fans, I too analyze teams with 80% heart and 20% brain. I don’t want the 49ers to leave the city because it’s their city. They were the first major league sports franchise in the Bay Area. The history. The tradition. The Super Bowls. All of these mean something to 49ers fans. It all happened in San Francisco. Fathers bonded with sons, beer drinkers celebrated with wine sippers, and all seemed right in the universe. However, as we all know, when it comes to owners these days, dollars and cents will always beat out the fans. With this said, let us not waver in self-pity or sulk until the sun comes up. Let us appreciate the great times that were had in San Francisco and move forward to what will hopefully be a first class venue in Santa Clara. Change is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t always mean it is bad. You may now have as many beers as you like, as Caltrains has your transportation covered. www.oldskoolsports.com
The Good: Phoenix has back-to-back MVP Steve Nash running the show. Shawn Marion is the most underrated player in the NBA. Amare is back. Boris Diaw is for real.
The Bad: Amare Stoudamire’s health. If the big man can play healthy and be as effective as he was pre-injury, the Suns are going to win it all. That’s a big if.
The Ugly: Kurt Thomas is their center.
2. Los Angeles Clippers
The Good: Re-signed Sam Cassell. Elton Brand is a monster. Expect big things from Shaun Livingston.
The Bad: Coach of the Year candidate Mike Dunleavy did a fantastic job turning the once woeful franchise into a contender, but he still remains distraught that his contract has not been extended.
The Ugly: Chris Kaman’s hair or whatever that is sitting a top his head.
3. Los Angeles Lakers
The Good: With Kobe and Phil on the same page, the Lakers have the ability to get out of the first round .
The Bad: Is Bryant fully recovered from off-season knee surgery? Even the Zen-Master can’t win if #24 is not on the floor.
The Ugly: Aside from Lamar Odom, the supporting cast around Bryant leaves a lot to be desired.
4. Sacramento Kings
The Good: Expect defense to improve under new coach Eric Musselman
The Bad: Mike Bibby is wearing down, Brad Miller has little inside presence and a bench of Salmons, Thomas and Garcia isn’t very good.
The Ugly: How long before Artest snaps if the Kings start out poorly?
5. Golden State Warriors
The Good: Don Nelson is back and has given the Warriors their first true leader since, well, Don Nelson. With “Nellieball” back in the Bay Area, at least the Warriors won’t be boring. Oh yeah, Adonal Foyle will not see the court this year.
The Bad: Troy Murphy is undersized a center, Mike Dunleavy is undersized at power forward, and the Warriors are going to have to score about 150 points a night to have a shot to win. Expect record numbers for futility on the defensive side of the ball.
The Ugly: The Warriors haven’t made the playoffs in 12 years. Chris Cohan is the world’s worst owner.
Southwest Division
1. Dallas Mavericks
The Good: The defending Western Conference Champions have a great owner, great coach, great starting lineup and great bench.
The Bad: I guess the fact that Erick Dampier is still around is bad, very bad.
The Ugly: Other than Mark Cuban’s tirades on the floor, not much.
2. San Antonio Spurs
The Good: They are the class of the NBA. Tim Duncan is a quiet superstar who can put a team on his shoulders. Tony Parker is still only 23 years old- that’s scary.
The Bad: The Spurs will need Manu Ginobili to be healthy and effective in order to compete with Phoenix or Dallas. Popovich would like to see Parker dish out more assists.
The Ugly: How much longer can Barry, Finley and Horry be productive off the bench?
3. New Orleans/ Oklahoma City Hornets
The Good: The only point guard better than 21-year-old Chris Paul is Steve Nash. Add Peja Stojakovic, and that’s one heck of a backcourt. David West and Tyson Chandler provide a solid frontcourt for coach Byron Scott.
The Bad: The bench is too young and raw to be a huge factor…for now. Bobby Jackson is the only dependable veteran Scott can count on.
The Ugly: Desmond Mason’s jumper. It’s hard to rely on a SF that has little to no outside game.
4. Houston Rockets
The Good: T-Mac and Yao are healthy and provide a great one-two punch. Can they stay healthy???
The Bad: They're in a very tough division and if they get into the playoffs, it will most likely be a 7 or 8 seed. They lack depth and a true point guard (see: below.)
The Ugly: Anytime Rafer Alston is your point guard, you have to believe ugliness will follow.
5. Memphis Grizzlies
The Good: Well, if it was 1998, the Grizzlies would have a dynamic backcourt with Eddie Jones and Damon Stoudamire. But it’s not, and I can’t find any good here with Pau Gasol out with a broken foot.
The Bad: Gasol is hurt. Mike Miller is ####ed up. So is Rudy ####. Stromile Swift is out. Poor Mike Fratello.
The Ugly: Jake Tsakalidis is the starting center. EEEWWWWWWW.
Northwest Division
1. Denver Nuggets
The Good: Carmelo Anthony has a new passion for the game and is ready to be the leader George Karl needs. Andre Miller and Earl Boykins are a good point guard tandem.
The Bad: Kenyon Martin is still in Denver, and he still doesn’t get along with Karl.
The Ugly: If Denver gets off to a bad start and Martin isn’t happy, look for Sprewell-Carlesimo part deux.
2. Minnesota Timberwolves
The Good: Kevin Garnett is still here and will like what new point guard Mike James brings to the table. Many are predicting Randy Foye to be the ROY.
The Bad: Coming off two lackluster seasons, the Wolves need to improve offensively (Mike James will help) and KG needs to improve his low post game and stop relying on the outside shot.
The Ugly: Vin Baker is on this team!!!
3. Utah Jazz
The Good: Andre Kirilenko is the best shot blocking small forward in the league. Okur has a great touch for a big man and second-year point guard Deron Williams is improving nicely .
The Bad: Gordon Giricek needs to find a way to create more shots for himself. He is not quick for a two guard and Jerry Sloan needs him to get open as he is the Jazz best shooter.
The Ugly: The way Carlos Boozer tries to knock down the jump shot off a pick and roll that made the Mail Man famous is quite atrocious.
4. Seattle Supersonics
The Good: Chris Wilcox is back after averaging 14 points a game in a Sonics uniform. Ray Allen just keeps on ticking and is a proven leader. Luke Ridnour is ready to take his game to the next level, and if he doesn’t, Earl Watson will.
The Bad: Bob Hill did his best to fix a sinking ship created by Bob Weiss, but it was already too late. Danny Fortson has already been suspended and Johan Petro needs to toughen up in the middle.
The Ugly: The state of the franchise. Can you say Oklahoma City Sonics?
5. Portland Trail Blazers
The Good: With an average age of 25.1, at least they won’t get tired. Brandon Roy and Jarrett Jack have the potential to be a good backcourt for a long time.
The Bad: Joel Pryzbilla and Jamaal Magloire are both overpaid and will platoon at center.
The Ugly: A once promising prospect, Zach Randolph’s numbers are dropping and his bad attitude is rising.
The Good: With Jason Kidd running the show and Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson on the wings, they have the potential to put up lots of points in a hurry.
The Bad: PF Jason Collins averages just 4.8 rebounds a game. Every other starter on the Nets averages atleast 5.8.
The Ugly: Clifford Robinson still thinks it is 1998.
2. Boston Celtics
The Good: Paul Pierce is the most undervalued player in the league. He does a little bit of everything, now if only he could get some teammates who can do the same.
The Bad: Sebastian Telfair, Rajon Rondo and Delonte West are three good, young guards. But there isn’t enough room on the court for all three. Someone isn’t going to be happy about their playing time.
The Ugly: Theo Ratliff is starting at center. Michael Olowokandi is his backup.
3. Toronto Raptors
The Good: Chris Bosh is the best player no one talks about. He will be an All-Star for years to come.
The Bad: They imported four guys from overseas, how quickly they can adapt to the NBA will be vital to this team’s success.
The Ugly: They always seem to end up in the NBA Lottery. Why would this year be any different?
4. New York Knicks
The Good: They have some of the better individual scores in the league. Marbury, Francis, Crawford and Richardson can get a shot off from just about anywhere.
The Bad: There isn’t a pure point guard on the roster.
The Ugly: They already gave up the chance to land Greg Odom in the upcoming draft, after trading the pick to acquire Eddy Curry. Not so smart.
5. Philadelphia 76ers
The Good: Allen Iverson is the answer to one question: who will score?
The Bad: He won’t be the answer to the question: who will be the leader of this team?
The Ugly: There is no answer to the above question.
CENTRAL
1. Chicago Bulls
The Good: Best set of young guards around, now have a legitimate front court to match.
The Bad: Those young guards (Hinrich, Gordon, Deng) better score in bunches because P.J. Brown and Ben Wallace might combine for 15 points a night.
The Ugly: They might be getting too much hype too early. Let’s see how they play before people start crowning them the champs.
2. Cleveland Cavaliers
The Good: LeBron is, well, LeBron. Larry Hughes is healthy. Zydrunas Illgauskas is a force in the paint.
The Bad: Eric Snow and Damon Jones are not the answer at the point. I have a feeling LeBron might be playing a lot of PG this season
The Ugly: LeBron can try to be Jordan all he wants, but with this supporting cast, he will find himself falling short of his first title.
3. Detroit Pistons
The Good: This team still knows what it takes to win a championship. They might lack some talent of years past but will not lack hustle and desire.
The Bad: With the new post-foul arguing rules, Rasheed Wallace might find himself spending more time in the locker-room than on the court.
The Ugly: Nazr Mohammed replaced Ben Wallace at center. Oh No!
4. Indiana Pacers
The Good: They have a formidable starting five that will get out and run. If Jermaine O’Neal can stay healthy, this team could be a surprise.
The Bad: When Jeff Foster is slated to get the most minutes at backup forward and center, things aren't looking very bright.
The Ugly: Darrell Armstrong should be an assistant coach on this team, not a backup guard.
5. Milwaukee Bucks
The Good: Michael Redd can shoot from just about anywhere on the floor. He will need to light it up every night for the Bucks to win.
The Bad: Bobby Simmons was a complete bust as a free-agent signing last year. He has to bounce back and show that he deserves his contract.
The Ugly: Ruben Patterson is a registered sex offender. That is never a good attribute to have on the back of your basketball card.
SOUTHEAST
1. Miami Heat
The Good: Still the champs until someone proves they can knock them off.
The Bad: Shaq isn’t getting any younger, neither is Antoine Walker, neither is Gary Payton, neither is Alonzo Mourning. Wait a second, this team is old!
The Ugly: Jason Williams attempt to play defense. It is downright atrocious.
2. Washington Wizards
The Good: Gilbert Arenas provides numbers all the way across the board. If he can continue to score and play defense every night, the Wizards will be in good shape.
The Bad: DeShawn Stevenson should not be a starter. Well, he is a starter in Washington.
The Ugly: Arenas’ off the court antics. At some point they may become a distraction.
3. Orlando Magic
The Good: Dwight Howard is a beast down low. If Jameer Nelson can get him the ball, this one-two combo will put up some big numbers.
The Bad: Grant Hill is in the last year of his contact and on his last legs. J.J. Redick better be ready to step in soon.
The Ugly: This is Darko’s last chance to prove that he isn’t a bust. I’m not convinced that he isn’t.
4. Charlotte Bobcats
The Good: Emeka Okafor, Gerald Wallace and Raymond Felton are a nice trio of young players to build around. The Bobcats will continue to improve from last year.
The Bad: Their nickname is the Bobcats. C’mon, is this "Any Given Sunday" or something? Get a real nickname and people might take you serious.
The Ugly: Adam Morrison’s mustache is still ugly as ever.
5. Atlanta Hawks
The Good: Josh Smith is only 20-years-old and has an all-around game of a 20-year veteran. Look for him, Joe Johnson, Marvin Williams and Josh Childress to all make huge leaps this season.
The Bad: They passed on Chris Paul last year and Brandon Roy this year. Sheldon Williams with the fifth pick? Someone needs to get fired.
The Ugly: Still easily the worst team in the league. Greg Odom should be getting fitted for a Hawks jersey right about now.
First thing’s first: Ron Washington deserves to be the next manager of the Oakland A’s. Oakland’s loyal, underrated third base/infielder’s coach has turned Eric Chavez into a perennial gold glover at third base, fixed Miguel Tejada’s inability to make the routine play, and has made Mark Ellis the American League’s best defensive second baseman. Heck, the man turned Scott Hatteberg into an above average first baseman. The players love him. The fans love him. Even the media is pulling for him. Washington has said it would be a dream come true to manage in the big leagues. And, this is why I hope he DOES NOT get the Oakland job. Don’t get me wrong; Washington absolutely deserves to be a major league manager. He has paid his dues and his stock has never been higher. But, Washington also deserves to be in control of his players, coaches and clubhouse. As long as Billy Beane is running things in Oakland, he, or anyone else, will never have that opportunity. Billy Beane parted ways with Ken Macha for the second time in two years. This time, he won’t be back. Days after the A’s were swept by Detroit in the ALCS, Beane cited “communication” problems with Macha and fired him. Usually when a manager takes a $60 million dollar payroll to the ALCS, communication problems work themselves out. Not in Oakland. Macha, growing tired Beane’s my way or the highway approach, began voicing his frustrations in the media, and Beane noticed. While many things in life are questioned, the fact that Billy Beane is the commander in chief in Oakland is not one of them. To question this is the equivalent of begging to be fired. Macha did. His services are now available. We all know Beane does not think too highly of the managerial occupation. If it were up to him, he’d probably abolish any rule that says a team has to have a manager. They are there to not screw up the cast of players Beane has assembled. They are, in a sense, Beane’s puppets. Sounds like a real dream job, huh? Ron Washington has worked his way up the ladder of the coaching ranks. Many feel he should already be a manager. And while I hope he finally does get the chance to manage his own team, I hope for his sake it is nowhere near Billy Beane. Now that would be a dream come true. Just ask Ken Macha. www.oldskoolsports.com
Choosing the nickname for a professional sports team is very serious business. Teams need to make sure that the name has some team-specific significance, that it isn’t too corny, and that it is not confusing to fans. Unfortunately, New Zealand’s badminton team, affectionately known as the Black Cocks, didn’t pay attention to the last rule. Some American teams also chose to ignore these rules when they chose a name. Here, in no particular order, are the lamest team nicknames accompanied with suggestions for more appropriate ones.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Reports are that the team will be changing its name in the off-season. If there is any team that needs a name change to assist with an image makeover it is Tampa Bay. All around baseball, the name Devil Rays is synonymous with sucking.
Suggestion: Tampa Bay Tangerines
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Perhaps the most confusing name in all of professional sports. Not only does the team have two cities in its name, but it also has its nickname repeated. The Spanish translation for “the angels” is Los Angeles. So I present to you, The Angels Angels of Anaheim. Huh?
Suggestion: Los Angeles Traffic
Utah Jazz
This nickname made sense when the team was located in New Orleans, which is the birthplace of jazz music. Now in Utah, a musical nickname just doesn’t seem appropriate.
Suggestion: Utah Salt Lakes
Houston Texans
So the people who came up with this nickname weren’t exactly geniuses; but unlike some other teams, at least their nickname has some relevance to the team’s location. Still, Houston gets a negative 10 for lack of creativity.
Suggestion: Houston Wranglers
Connecticut Sun (WNBA)
Is it ever even sunny in Connecticut? This name is fine for Phoenix but doesn’t fit at all for a team based in the northeast.
Suggestion: Connecticut Colds
Colorado Rockies
Probably one of the most obvious nicknames in sports. Is Colorado known for anything besides the Rocky Mountains? Okay, maybe Coors beer but besides its beer, Colorado loves its mountains.
Suggestion: Colorado Black Diamonds
Charlotte Bobcats
The newest team in the NBA had a chance to make a real splash with its nickname. Somehow the team settled on the made-for-movie fake team name, Bobcats. This name just reminds me too much of the Miami Sharks from “Any Given Sunday.”
Suggestion: Charlotte Independence
Minnesota Wild (NHL)
What is so wild about Minnesota? Apparently not much or the North Stars wouldn’t have bolted to Dallas. Even though wild in this case refers to a vast open area, which is precisely what this name is: too vast. Something more specific would be a good start.
Suggestion: Minnesota Rolling Rocks
Toronto Raptors
Toronto isn’t a very good team, but its nickname might be worse. From what I know a Raptor is a small dinosaur from the prehistoric age. What Toronto and dinosaurs have in common is beyond me. Also, if they were going to choose a dinasaur name, why not go for something more ferocious like the Tyrannosaurus Rex? Raptors just don’t seem to strike much fear in people.
Suggestion: Toronto Parliament
Washington Wizards
I liked the team a lot better when it was called the Bullets. Now that was a sweet name. Wizards just sounds a little too geeky. Watch out, they might try to cast a spell on you.
Suggestion: Washington Congressmen
Cleveland Browns The worst color in the world seems appropriate for one of the worst teams in the world. The color brown is so blah. Which also describes the Browns’ play.
Suggestion: Cleveland Industrials
Atlanta Thrashers (NHL)
According to the dictionary, a thrasher is any of various New World songbirds related to the mockingbird. What, are the intimidating Thrashers going to sing you to death? Even though Hawks and Falcons are already taken by their respective NBA and NFL counterparts, any other bird besides a mockingbird would have done the trick.
Suggestions: Atlanta Vultures
New York Red Bulls (MLS)
Anytime a corporation sneaks its name into a team’s nickname it isn’t a good thing. Red Bulls would be pretty cool if it was a made up name and not the name of an energy drink.
Life wouldn’t be much fun without your friends. It would be even worse without baseball. In honor of the best series on television and the best sport in the world, I present to you Baseball’s Best Entourages. I used "Entourage’s" four main characters- Vince, Eric, Drama, and Turtle and matched them up with baseball players who most accurately resemble their characteristics on a respective team. Let’s first look at the qualities that make up each character on the show.
Vince role: The leader of the pack. He is popular with fans, dresses well, and can do no wrong.
Eric role: The brains behind the operation. He is smart and always in control. Makes sure that his star gets big results.
Drama role: The elder statesman. He is a little "out there" and extremely temperamental. Is used to overcoming diversity.
Turtle role: The class clown of the crew. He is youthful, keeps the mood light, and is up for anything.
New York Yankees
Vince: Derek Jeter
Eric: Mariano Rivera
Drama: Alex Rodriguez
Turtle: Johnny Damon
What Vince is to Hollywood, Jeter is to New York. The team captain and all-around heartthrob is the most popular player in pinstripes. Alex Rodriguez will always be living in Jeter’s shadow and his recent string of horrendous D isn’t winning him many new fans. The flamboyant centerfielder, Damon is new to the crew but keeps the levels of seriousness in the clubhouse to a minimum. Much like Eric in a meeting with Ari, Rivera is all about business. When he enters the game in a save situation, he will not disappoint.
Oakland Athletics
Vince: Barry Zito
Eric: Rich Harden
Drama: Milton Bradley
Turtle: Eric Chavez
What Drama is to bashing a car windshield with a golf club in Malibu, Bradley is to smashing a beer bottle in front of fans at Dodger Stadium. An uncontrollable temper is something these two definitely don’t hide. Zito has the boy band looks and carefree attitude that drives the women crazy. As Vince is counted on to bring home big pay checks, Zito is counted on to bring home lots of wins. Chavez is the one Athletic who hasn’t bolted via free agency. Like Turtle, Chavez is comfortable where he is at. As long as he is getting paid he will have a smile on his face
Boston Red Sox
Vince: David Ortiz
Eric: Curt Schilling
Drama: Manny Ramirez
Turtle: Jonathan Papelbon
Curt Schilling is one of the most calculated pitchers in the game. He is always prepared and very sharp on game days. He is rarely out-pitched and keeps the games close so his star hitter can come through with some clutch RBIs. Manny Ramirez, who once was the star of the Red Sox, comes up big from time to time but is too unreliable to trust day in and day out. Like Drama going in for an acting audition, you never know what to expect out of Manny. Papelbon is a guy who will always get a laugh out of his teammates. As if cutting his hair like Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn from the movie Major League earlier this season wasn’t a hint.
Anaheim Angels
Vince: Vladimir Guerrero
Eric: Francisco Rodriguez
Drama: Garrett Anderson
Turtle: Jared Weaver
Vince’s breakout role in Queen’s Boulevard is reminiscent of Guerrero joining the Angeles. Prior to this, Vlad was caught in the baseball purgatory that is Montreal. People knew he was good and that he had the potential to be a star, but he needed to prove it on a bigger stage. Since arriving in LA, Guerrero has become a perennial MVP candidate and one of the biggest draws in town. Garret Anderson’s career has hit a rough patch of late. After numerous injuries slowed him down, this former hitting machine still shouldn’t be counted out in clutch situations. With Rodriguez coming in at the end of games, the rest of the crew is in good hands.
Cleveland Indians
Vince: Grady Sizemore
Eric: Victor Martinez
Drama: Aaron Boone
Turtle: Travis Hafner
With one big homerun in the playoffs versus the Red Sox, Boone became a star much the same way Drama did with his role in Viking Quest. They both have underperformed since, but will always have that one moment to look back on. “VICTORY!!!” Sizemore has become the most popular player in Cleveland. Still a youngster, he has been the catalyst for the team in the batter’s box and in the field. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that his female fans have established a “Grady’s Ladies” fan club. Without all of the fanfare, Martinez has been the most consistent catcher in the American League the past few years. He keeps the team in control and produces daily.
New York Mets
Vince: David Wright
Eric: Billy Wagner
Drama: Pedro Martinez
Turtle: Jose Reyes
Wright is the epidemy of Vince. He is young, good looking, talented and carefree. His performance thus far in his career has been nothing short of amazing. Like Vince after starring in Aquaman, Wright is ready for a follow up. Did someone say World Series? These days, no one knows what to expect out of the eccentric Martinez, but when push comes to shove this guy will have your back no matter what. Reyes is the little guy playing second fiddle to the stars. He doesn’t get as much hype as some of his teammates, but when he gets the chance to have the spotlight he doesn’t disappoint. See: Turtle getting Saigon a record deal.
St. Louis Cardinals
Vince: Albert Pujols
Eric: Chris Carpenter
Drama: Scott Rolen
Turtle: Jim Edmonds
There might not be a more genuine man in the game than Pujols. Like Vince giving Eric a Maserati, Pujols takes care of those close to him. And like Eric, Carpenter might have trouble accepting the gift. But if he turned it down, you can bet Edmonds would be there to rub it in his face. As long as Edmonds gets to drive once in a while, he is content not leading the show. Rolen doesn’t mind not driving; he doesn’t care how he gets there as long as it leads him back to the top of his game.
Los Angeles Dodgers
Vince: Derek Lowe
Eric: Greg Maddux
Drama: Jeff Kent
Turtle: Andre Ethier
Kent is about as awkward as Drama at a Playboy Mansion party. To say his social skills are lacking is an understatement. He might try his best to fit in, but he still sticks out like a sore thumb amidst the younger crowd. Lowe has the part of Playboy partier down pat. Last year he and his wife divorced after Lowe admitted to having a relationship with one of the Fox baseball anchors. Sounds a little like the Vince/Mandy fling on the set of Aquaman to me. Maddux is the doctor that keeps Lowe in check. He doesn’t get sidetracked by the hype, and will keep his younger pitchers’ heads on straight. If you don’t recognize Ethier’s name yet, it’s okay because this kid continues to just go about his business.
Houston Astros
Vince: Lance Berkman
Eric: Roger Clemens
Drama: Brad Lidge
Turtle: Craig Biggio
Clemens is as serious a guy as there is in baseball. He is as serious as Eric in a ####. That focus it what drives him to the top of his game, and like Eric he expects results. His teammate Lidge still expects results but his stuff, like Drama trying to act suave, just isn’t working lately. Biggio might not be young anymore but he is still young at heart. His signature dirty batting helmet is as recognizable as Turtle in a Yankees hat.
Philadelphia Phillies
Vince: Chase Utley
Eric: Tom Gordon
Drama: Jimmy Rollins
Turtle: Ryan Howard
With Bobby Abreu now out of town, Philadelphia is Utley’s town. He is currently in the midst of the hottest hitting streak of his career and showing no signs of slowing down. Unlike Warner Brothers with Vince, the Phillies better hope they have enough money to convince Utley to stick around when his contract is up. Rollins and Howard remind me of Turtle and Drama at Sundance. I bet they would be bugging and competing with each other the whole time. Hopefully they wouldn't end up with the same occupational hazard that Turtle and Drama encountered.
Barry Bonds’ personal trainer Greg Anderson is headed back to prison. This is Anderson’s third trip to prison in less than a year. He is starting to feel more at home there than Bonds does in the Giants' clubhouse. For whatever the reason, Anderson is refusing to testify in court about Bonds. So why is Anderson sacrificing his free-life at the expense of baseball’s most vilified man? Here are a few possible theories:
10) The prison baseball system has a very lenient drug-testing policy, so Anderson’s chances of getting caught for supplying steroids to players just dropped 75 percent.
9) “He’s resigned to do whatever it takes to maintain his integrity,” said his attorney Paula Canny. Oh, so I guess Anderson’s integrity involves lying and cheating then.
8) He gets to make cool vanity license plates for his friends. Some of his previous work includes CHEAT25, ROIDRGE, and NOTGLTY.
7) “My Buddy, My Buddy, Wherever I go, he goes, My Buddy, My Buddy, I’ll teach him everything I know.” Since owning the My Buddy doll as children, the two made a pact to always stay best buds, and like the song says, Bonds might soon be following his friend into prison.
6) Bonds threatened to sit on Anderson’s head if he opened his mouth.
5) Anderson enjoys prison. Growing up around Bonds he was forced to become accustomed to an arrogant, selfish, not to mention large and sweaty person. This coincidently sounds very similar to the entire prison population, so Anderson should fit in famously.
4) 18 months should be long enough for Anderson to finally finish reading “Game of Shadows.”
3) Anderson needed some time to come up with cooler names for his future steroid concoctions besides “the cream” and “the “clear” which aren’t very hip according to today’s standards.
2) It beats working. With the steroid market plummeting this year, Anderson was forced to take a job as peanut vendor at A####mp;T Park.
1) Bonds’ has promised his friend something real nice if he rides out the prison sentence instead of testifying against him. Judging by Bonds’ history of kindness and generosity, Anderson isn’t going to be too stoked when a shiny new black Prius shows up in his driveway. Thanks for the thought Barry! www.oldskoolsports.com
According to American standards, the 2004 version of the U.S. men’s basketball team was a disappointment. The U.S. team has a long history of Olympic basketball dominance, winning the gold medal in 12 of 14 Olympic competitions from 1936-2000. The 2004 team had a long history of sucking. There was no logical reason for that team to not win the gold or at least the silver. The roster featured a group of proven All-stars including Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson, and a group of budding superstars in LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Amare Stoudemire, yet they jelled as well as the Larry Brown coached New York Knicks. Was it a coincidence that Brown happened to be the head coach of that national team? Just something to ponder. Instead of dominating the competition, the U.S. brought home the bronze, finishing behind soccer powerhouses Argentina and Italy. Now that the 15 finalists for the 2006 U.S. national team’s roster were announced Tuesday, it looks like Team Director Jerry Colangelo is putting together a balanced team capable of demoralizing the competition as previous U.S. teams have become accustomed to. Instead of filling the squad with me-first players, guys with gigantic egos and a lack of anyone who could hit an open jump shot, this year’s team is filled with shooters, role-players, and team oriented players. The 2006 roster will still be cut down to 12 before Aug. 19, leaving 3 players hanging in the balance, but for the first time since the mid 90s our national team looks like an unstoppable force. The best team ever assembled in history was the 1992 Dream Team, which featured future Hall of Famers at every position. This team is a lot younger, and less experienced than the 1992 team, but the future Hall of Fame potential is still there. Here is a break down of which 2006 star is most likely to fill the role of their 1992 counterpart.
2006 Roster Finalists
Carmelo Anthony F (Denver Nuggets)
Gilbert Arenas G (Washington Wizards)
Shane Battier F (Houston Rockets)
Chris Bosh F (Toronto Raptors)
Bruce Bowen F (San Antonio Spurs)
Elton Brand F (Los Angeles Clippers)
Kirk Hinrich G (Chicago Bulls)
Dwight Howard F/C (Orlando Magic)
LeBron James F (Cleveland Cavaliers)
Antawn Jamison F (Washington Wizards)
Joe Johnson G/F (Atlanta Hawks)
Brad Miller C (Sacramento Kings)
Chris Paul G (New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets)
Amaré Stoudemire F (Phoenix Suns)
Dwayne Wade G (Miami Heat)
1992 Olympic Team Roster
Charles Barkley F (Phoenix Suns)
2006 clone: Dwight Howard
Barkley is considered to be one of the best, not to mention the nastiest, rebounders in history. If there is one thing that Howard knows how to do, it is rebounding. Only 20 years-old, Howard has already mastered the art of rebounding and is one of the best in the league at pulling down boards. If he keeps his current 11.3 rebounds/game average up, he will be right on par with Sir Charles. Look for him to keep opposing international foes from getting anywhere near the key.
Larry Bird F (Boston Celtics)
2006 clone: Carmelo Anthony
If clutch shooting was an official statistic, Anthony would be leading the league. He is quickly developing into one of the NBA’s most clutch players. Bird made a career out of making big shots. If there is one thing that the U.S. needs it is someone they can count on to make shots in a close game. While Anthony may not have the long-distant range that Bird possessed, his all-around scoring ability is extremely Bird like.
Clyde Drexler G (Portland Trail Blazers)
2006 clone: Gilbert Arenas
“Clyde the Glide” could practically float around the basketball court. He did a little bit of everything, including his signature high-flying dunks. Arenas has become the NBA’s triple-double king, plays great “D” and can soar to new heights like his counterpart Drexler. Much like Clyde, the U.S. team will count on Arenas to defend on the perimeter and break out on the fast-break.
Patrick Ewing C (New York Knicks)
2006 clone: Amaré Stoudemire
In his prime, Ewing was an absolute monster. There is no better way to describe Stoudemire. He is a freak of nature, whose basketball abilities are limitless. Much like Ewing, Stoudemire is a complete force in the paint and can throw done nasty dunks with the best of them. If he is completely healthy, Stoudemire will be a force to be reckoned with on both ends of the court.
Earvin “Magic” Johnson G (Los Angeles Lakers)
2006 clone: LeBron James
Magic was the most versatile player of his time. He could score at shooting guard, pass like a point guard, and rebound like a center. Sounds a lot like someone else I know: LeBron. In his short career, James has proven to be the best all-around player in the league. He has the tools to do all the things Magic did on the court, not to mention the same boyish smile. James and Wade have the potential to form the Magic-Jordan tandem of the next 15 years.
Michael Jordan G (Chicago Bulls)
2006 clone: Dwayne Wade
The easy choice here would be LeBron, considering the Jordan comparisons, but based on recent play Wade is a more accurate Jordan comparison. Consider that Wade plays seemingly effortless, has won a championship, become the leader of his team, and can take over games in a blink of an eye. Sounds a little bit like Michael, doesn’t it? Wade might not have the Jordan star appeal over-seas yet, but after international fans see him in China in 2008, that could very well change.
Christian Laettner F (Duke)
2006 clone: Brad Miller
(Insert “Tall, white guy joke” here). Besides skin color, Laettner and Miller don’t have much in common. While Laettner’s role on the team was strictly as a cheerleader, Miller is a legitimate center who will bring offense and great passing. He might not play much defense, but Miller’s big frame will do enough to clog up the opposition’s lane.
Karl Malone F (Utah Jazz)
2006 clone: Elton Brand
Possibly the most consistent forward ever, Malone could score around the basket and hit 15 footers with his eyes closed, not to mention rebound like an animal. Brand’s game mimics Malone’s in every way, right down to the sweet outside jumper. He goes about his game with a workman-like complex, ala Malone. Brand might never get the recognition that Malone did, but his constancy will be a huge asset to the U.S. team.
Chris Mullin F (Golden State Warriors)
2006 clone: Bruce Bowen
Mullin was the complementary glue that held the ’92 team together. While not a star, Mullin did the little things that helped his team win. He could shoot the three, guard on the perimeter, and pester opposing team’s players. Bowen does all of this and then some. He is a great outside shooter and the best defense player on the team. He will be counted on, like Mullin, to do the little things and receive little fanfare in the process.
Scottie Pippen G/F (Chicago Bulls)
2006 clone: Joe Johnson
At 6-7, Pippen was one of the most multitalented players around. At 6-7 Johnson is on his way to becoming a multitalented star himself. These two have more than height in common. Both can pass the ball exceptionally well for their size, score when needed, and are menacing on defense. Johnson might not have the impact that Pippen had on the Dream Team, but he will be a valuable asset off the bench with his well-rounded game.
David Robinson C (San Antonio Spurs)
2006 clone: Chris Bosh
A lanky, left-handed center, with a great inside-out game. Is it Robinson or Bosh- take your pick. Bosh/Robinson might be the closet thing to an exact clone of any of the other comparisons. In his career, Robinson won a scoring crown, a rebounding title and was named to the NBA All-Defensive First team three times. Bosh can already score, rebound, and is a top-notched shot-blocker like Robinson. He is the odds on favorite to lead the Olympic Games in blocked shots.
John Stockton G (Utah Jazz)
2006 clone: Chris Paul
Paul has the potential to lead the league in assists for years to come. He is the most un-selfish player since, well, Stockton. These two tiny guards will break down defenses faster than you can say “Alley-Oop.” Paul is just be a rookie, but he is the one guy who can and should lead this team to the gold medal. www.oldskoolsports.com
This was the year that the reign was supposed to come to end. For the first time in years it was to be Americans sulking over a failed Tour de France title, not the French. No Lance equals no title, right? Apparently, Floyd Landis didn’t get the memo. Instead, for the eighth straight year an American took home top honors in France’s storied bike race, and for the eighth straight year the French sulked. You would think that the French would have become accustomed to finishing behind an American. The last time a Frenchman won the Tour was Bernard Hinault in 1985. Since then, three separate Americans have claimed victory. I have come to a conclusion: the French don’t want to win as much as they want to see the U.S. fail. I’m betting they would have rather seen Landis fall flat on his face during Sunday’s final ride, than having a countryman actually finish in the top 3. If an Italian, German or Spaniard would have won, the French would have counted that as a victory. Since they aren’t really competitive in their own race, the French have nothing better to do except cheer against Americans. Instead of failing, Landis did exactly what the Lance Armstrong did for the last seven years, he overcame. Landis overcame the Alps, his competitors, and the French supporters. Making this victory even sweeter is the fact the 30-year-old Landis didn’t even take up bicycle riding until the age of 15. He also completed the grueling race with a degenerative hip, which he is scheduled to have replaced. That’s right; he wasn’t even completely healthy and still won. This one-legged, good ol’ country boy from Pennsylvania just beat the French in their own race. Americans now have a full year to celebrate another Tour conquest, and the French have that same time to try to prepare to take their long forgotten crown back. Even if we don’t win the race next year, or for ten more years, we will forever have the Top 8 reasons why the French can’t stand us. www.oldskoolsports.com
Your 2006 British Open Preview. Storylines to watch for:
The Tiger Woods/Nick Faldo pairing. After Faldo was critical of Woods last year, Tiger has vowed to not speak to Faldo. Now that they are paired together for the first two rounds, things could get ugly. This has the potential to be more awkward than a Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie reunion.
Phil Mickelson's comeback. With a par on the 18th hole of the U.S. Open Mickelson would be in serious contention to match the Tiger Slam with his own Phil Slam, by winning this tournament. Instead of worrying about trying to win this week, he might be spending more time trying not to choke again. I don’t think he will finish in the top ten.
Ernie Els. Where have you gone Ernie? A year ago people were talking about him overtaking Tiger at the top of the world rankings. He then proceeded to play like a driving range duffer, dropping down to the No. 8 ranked player in the world. Luckily for Els he fares well in British Opens, so expect him to ditch his duffer status, at least for this week.
Geoff Ogilvy's goes back-to-back. After sneaking in as U.S. Open champ, can he keep the momentum rolling? By the way, hopefully he thanked Phil for that collapse or we would all still be asking “Who the hell is Geoff Ogilvy?” If you still are asking that question, be on the look out because this kid has the game to win another major. I just hope he doesn’t expect someone to hand him the trophy a second time.
Excuse me,who are you again? The British Open has a history of producing out of the blue winners. Recently guys named Ben Curtis and Todd Hamilton won the event. Not exactly household names. This year’s winner has a good chance of again being a complete underdog. (More on this in a second).
And the winner is. A few names to keep on eye on this week are Jim Furyk, Padraig Harrington, and David Howell. Okay, so you still might not recognize their names but these guys can play. But deep down, how can you bet against Tiger? He won this tournament last year, is always geared up for majors, and is coming of####ood showing in his last tournament. Tiger Woods will be your 2006 British Open champion.
Unknown player to keep an eye out for. Carl Spackler. If Woods falters, look for Spackler to make a charge at the trophy. Coming off a strong Master’s performance, this Cinderella story has as good a chance to win as anyone in the unpredictable field. Check him out here.
Are you 5’ 8’’? 150 pounds? Still have dreams of leading your Alma Mater to the national championship? Want to be proclaimed the Big Man on Campus? Boy do I have a product for you. This cutting edge technology is sure to cure even the lowliest former athlete’s inner most desires of football glory. NCAA Football 07 is now available for the low low price of $49.99. It is doctor recommended and proven to work. I guarantee success or your money back. That’s right, a 100% guarantee. If you aren’t satisfied with the result, call for your full money refund. With an innovated game play, deep Dynasty Mode, and a brand new momentum changing feature, this game has something for every former benchwarmer. So, if you still talk to your friends about high school football glory days, wear your college class ring, or make up stories about past football fame to impress your friends- this is your game . With NCAA 07 you can become the Heisman Trophy winner you always knew you were born to be. So don’t wait another second. Rush to the store right now and buy this game, your Alma Mater needs you. Besides, if you always wanted to get the head cheerleader, this is your chance. Mr. Big Man on Campus.
(Disclaimer: NCAA Football 07 is habit forming and should only be used with discretion. Try to limit daily usage to less than four hours per day. Anything more may affect your relationships, work and personal life.)
EA Sports' NCAA Football 07 is on sale everywhere video games are sold.
The 2006 ESPY awards have come and gone. In case you missed it the evening was filled with laughs, tears and as always some unintentional comedy. Here is a rundown of some of the show’s highlights and lowlights.
First off, we need to congratulate host Lance Armstrong on finding his new career after cycling. He is now a full-time comedian and can be seen at the Laugh Factory every Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Just kidding, but you have to give a hand to the show’s writers who made Armstrong look like an everyday Richard Pryor up there on stage.
After a slide show and a few Brokeback jokes to open the evening, the first award was for Best Championship Performance. It was presented by Janet Jackson. What? Tito must not have been available. I thought presenters at these shows either A) Played a sport or B) are frequently in the tabloids for being famous. If it was 1986 this would make a whole lot more sense.
Vince Young won the Championship Performance award and proceeded to thank his “teammates” Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush. Apparently everyone is really a USC fan deep down. Young should have brought up a cheat sheet with the names of his teammates on it to keep him from messing it up. He also should have used a cheat sheet on the Wonderlic Test, but that is neither here nor there.
And the award for Most Awkward Pairing goes to Shaun White and Carmen Electra. Someone should have told him that staring directly at her boobs while being filmed is a dead give away.
Was it just me or did it seem like the dress code required every athlete to wear sunglasses or a Pimp Hat?
Speaking of clothing, everyone in attendance was dressed very sharp. Most of the men had on suits and ties, and then there was Matthew McConaughey who had on a sailing shirt that showed off his chest. I guess when you are the Sexiest Man Alive it really doesn’t matter what you wear.
Chris Berman came out on stage and within 15 seconds, surprise surprise, managed to plug ABC and NASCAR. This guy must get paid even when he isn’t working.
Berman then introduced the SportsCentury of Ricky Bobby. The skit was pretty much a plug for Talladega Nights but still managed to be very funny. Is it safe to say that the Will Ferrell we all love is back for good? For our own good, let’s hope so.
The award for Best Game shouldn’t have even been up for a vote. The winner was the USC-Texas Rose Bowl. If that game didn’t win it would have been a bigger upset than Texas actually beating USC.
The Pittsburg Steelers won the award for Best Team. This team is slowly becoming the New York Yankees of the NFL. I knew a handful of Steelers fans before the season started, but now everyone and their mother is a Steelers fan. By the way, I thought it was a little rude that Jerome Bettis didn’t thank the referees for their support, during his acceptance speech.
Awkward moment No. 2 comes courtesy of the same Pittsburg Steelers. After winning the award, the group of team members on hand called a “surprise” guest to the stage. Ben Roethlisberger then appeared to very little ovation and thanked the fans for their support. I was hoping that Lance and Ben would ride out together on a tandem bicycle wearing Bell helmets. Now that would have been worth the price of admission.
And finally, the show came to an end with the only musical act of the night. It was a collaboration of musicians including the O’Jays and Talib Kweli among others. What happened next had the potential to go down in history as one of the show’s greatest moments. Random athletes were pulled up on stage to dance and sing along to the song. LeBron, Dwayne Wade, Alonzo Mourning, and Gary Payton were all up there shaking to the groove. Miraculously, the only white guy on stage was Lance and he had to be there. I was secretly hoping that somehow Doug Flutie or Landon Donovan would have made their way to the stage for a potential Mark Madson infused dance-off. It didn’t go as I hoped, but there is always next year. www.oldskoolsports.com
The Oakland Raiders run as official bad boys of the NFL might have come to a close Thursday. The team forever known for blatantly disregarding personal character and signing players with rap sheets longer than Robert Downey Jr. is going to have to fight the newly crowned Cincinnati Bengals for its title back. Somewhere Al Davis is smiling. You see, the on the rise Bengals, anchored by a great young quarterback in Carson Palmer, an exceptionally smart coach in Marvin Lewis, and arguably the game’s best playmaker Chad Johnson is getting more attention for its players’ behavior off the field than their hard-nosed play on it. Just the other day Cincinnati linebacker Odell Thurman was suspended for the first four games of upcoming season for violating the league’s substance-abuse policy. No big deal right, he isn’t the first professional athlete to allegedly enjoy nature’s herb, so lets not be so quick to hang the guy. But I haven’t mentioned that Thurman was previously kicked off the Georgia football team while in college for failing at least one drug test, which bodes well because Thurman now has something in common with the Bengals’ newest addition, supplemental draft pick linebacker Ahmed Brooks of Virginia. Brooks was arrested in 2003 for marijuana possession, and after failing multiple drug test was dismissed from the team this past March. These two should get along just famously. If two troubled linebackers weren’t enough, the Bengals actually have the resources to field a whole position of knuckleheads when rookie linebacker A.J. Nicholson lines up next to Thurman and Brooks on defense. Nicholson was arrested on charges of theft and later dismissed from the Florida State team for sexual misconduct before the Orange Bowl. Not to be outdone in the race for shame is rookie Frostee Rucker, who is facing two spousal abuse and two vandalism charges in Los Angles County, and teammate wide receiver Chris Henry, who now is the NFL’s No. 1 Bad Boy, after being arrested four times in seven months. Ladies and gentlemen, your Cincinnati Criminals…I mean Bengals. The Bengals’ owners need to start using their brains before their team gets completely out of control. There is something to be said for a person’s character. Look at the Patriots for instance, who are the epitome of class and character. The Bengals have too good an opportunity to win, and too many good, young guys to build around to jeopardize that future by continuously adding misfits to the roster. They need to start drafting more with their heads and not their egos. My suggestion would be to send a message and kicks these guys off the team, or suspend them, but make them earn the privilege of playing in the NFL. It’s not too late to start rebuilding the team’s proud image, and besides Al Davis is always one questionable signing away from the Raiders’ reclaiming the top spot again. www.oldskoolsports.com
The mid-season report cards are in. Find out if your team is making the grade and see which player is bringing down the class average. We all know which players are All-Stars so let’s take a look at those not pulling their weight. From an AWOL player to a deer meat fiasco, it’s all here.
Boston Red Sox
Mid-Season Grade: A
Least Valuable Player: Coco Crisp
It’s hard to find fault in a guy who has been injured for a great portion of the season, but Crisp has been making it difficult for Boston fans to forget Johnny Damon. Maybe he should grow a beard and his hair out long. Just an idea.
New York Yankees
Grade: B-
LVP: Randy Johnson, Shawn Chacon, Carl Pavano
For as good as the Yankees hitting has been their pitching as been equally as bad. All this talk about them adding another bat is just ridiculous. Unless Barry Zito comes knocking, the Yankees will be watching the playoffs from their homes.
Toronto Blue Jays
Grade: B
LVP: A.J. Burnett
This season Burnett is making a little more than one million dollars per inning pitched. Remember in the off-season when baseball people everywhere said that this guy has great stuff but can’t ever seem to stay healthy? Well, apparently everyone but the entire Blue Jays front office.
Baltimore Orioles
Grade: D
LVP: Leo Mazzone
The Orioles have one of the game’s best and most respected pitching coaches in Mazzone. The Orioles pitching staff currently ranks near the bottom of the league in ERA. Something isn’t adding up.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Grade: C+
LVP: Aubrey Huff
This guy plays the first half of each season like he is awaking from a tranquilizer shot. He somehow decides to start hitting right before the All-Star break and goes on a tear for three months, just to make sure that he doesn’t get cut in the off-season.
Detroit Tigers
Grade: A+
LVP: Dmitri Young
The best thing to happen to the Tigers this year was Young going AWOL after being sought by police for failing to appear in court. Which wasn’t quite as embarrassing as the “Hot Dog Incident” in Milwaukee a few years back. The further Young stays away from this team, the better.
Chicago White Sox
Grade: A
LVP: Jon Garland
After winning 18 games and making himself a perennial Cy Young contender, Garland got paid handsomely by the Sox and suddenly started to suck. Wow, I haven’t seen this happen ever. He currently has an ERA of 5.37 yet has managed 8 wins due in large part to a potent offense. Someone owes Thome, Konerko and Dye a round of drinks.
Minnesota Twins
Grade: B
LVP: The entire starting staff besides Santana and Liriano
I think Santana has a long lost twin, and it turns out that it is Liriano. These two guys are mirror images of each other- no one can hit them. The Twins might have the two filthiest lefties in the game, but the rest of their staff is a sight for sore eyes.
Cleveland Indians
Grade: D
LVP: Bob Wickman
The most underachieving team of the year by far. They were supposed to make a run at the World Series this year and instead sit in front of the lowly Royals. They stay have a solid base of youngsters to build around, but Bob “Heavyweight” Wickman and his 4.50 ERA isn’t doing much but clogging the buffet line after games.
Kansas City Royals
Grade: F
LVP: Mark Grudzielanek
The Royals were expected to be one of the worst team’s in baseball and so far they are doing what’s expected. I have zero sympathy for Grudzielanek, who turned down offers from playoff bound teams to join Kansas City for more money. Maybe with that extra money he can buy some common sense.
Oakland Athletics
Grade: B-
LVP: Milton Bradley
Bradley was supposedly the guy the A’s needed in the middle of the lineup to put them over the top. So far Bradley has spent more time in AAA on rehab assignments than he has in the Oakland outfield. At least he hasn’t choked a fan or fought a teammate- yet.
Texas Rangers
Grade: B-
LVP: Mark Teixeira
This guy is killing my fantasy team. Not only is Teixeira the biggest bust in fantasy baseball this year, but he might be the biggest bust in real baseball as well. After hitting 43 dingers last year he has managed only 9 this year. Can someone say power outage?
Los Angeles Angels
Grade: D
LVP: Jeff Weaver
In 20 years, “Who is Jeff Weaver” will be the answer to this Jeopardy sports question- “This former Angel was joined by his younger brother in the starting rotation only to be subsequently replaced by his brother weeks later, creating one of the most awkward situations in all of sports.” Ding ding ding.
Seattle Mariners
Grade: C+
LVP: Richie Sexson and Adrian Beltre
These two are the Bash Brothers of Bust. Seattle shelled out some serious dough only to see them flail at more breaking balls than Bernie Mac in Mr. 3000. If Sexson and Beltre combine for a .500 BA, fireworks might ensue.
New York Mets
Grade: A
LVP: Jose Lima
Lima Time is the worst thing to happen to NY since Mo Vaughn. If he pitched half as well entertained, Met fans might have something to cheer for. Will Lima ever help the Mets in this lifetime? No way Jose.
Philadelphia Phillies
Grade: D+
LVP: Gavin Floyd
Brett Myers would be the obvious choice based on his off-field problems. I’ve decided to cut him some slack and put the blame on the guy with the 7 plus ERA. Not only is Floyd supposed to be good but he is supposed to be a stud. Perhaps Mitch Williams should get another shot in Philly.
Atlanta Braves
Grade: D-
LVP: Whoever is the closer
The two biggest mistakes the Braves have made in recent years. 1) Allowing Leo Mazzone to leave and 2) removing John Smotlz from the closer’s role and putting him back in the starting rotation. Since both of these happened I think the Brave
In the wake of San Francisco 49ers owner John York announcing his plans to move the storied franchise to Santa Clara, many Niner fans are left distraught, perplexed, and bewildered. Just when a ray of light was about to shine on a young, improving (albeit slowly) team, the highly unpopular owner dropped this bombshell. Yes, it is hard to imagine the 49ers not in San Francisco, but for once, gulp; I do understand York’s logic. Here’s why: 
NBA Western Conference preview (in predicted order of finish): 
NBA Eastern Conference preview (in predicted order of finish): 
First thing’s first: Ron Washington deserves to be the next manager of the Oakland A’s. Oakland’s loyal, underrated third base/infielder’s coach has turned Eric Chavez into a perennial gold glover at third base, fixed Miguel Tejada’s inability to make the routine play, and has made Mark Ellis the American League’s best defensive second baseman. Heck, the man turned Scott Hatteberg into an above average first baseman. The players love him. The fans love him. Even the media is pulling for him. Washington has said it would be a dream come true to manage in the big leagues. And, this is why I hope he DOES NOT get the Oakland job. 
Choosing the nickname for a professional sports team is very serious business. Teams need to make sure that the name has some team-specific significance, that it isn’t too corny, and that it is not confusing to fans. Unfortunately, New Zealand’s badminton team, affectionately known as the Black Cocks, didn’t pay attention to the last rule. Some American teams also chose to ignore these rules when they chose a name. Here, in no particular order, are the lamest team nicknames accompanied with suggestions for more appropriate ones. 
Life wouldn’t be much fun without your friends. It would be even worse without baseball. In honor of the best series on television and the best sport in the world, I present to you Baseball’s Best Entourages. I used "Entourage’s" four main characters- Vince, Eric, Drama, and Turtle and matched them up with baseball players who most accurately resemble their characteristics on a respective team. Let’s first look at the qualities that make up each character on the show. 
Barry Bonds’ personal trainer Greg Anderson is headed back to prison. This is Anderson’s third trip to prison in less than a year. He is starting to feel more at home there than Bonds does in the Giants' clubhouse. For whatever the reason, Anderson is refusing to testify in court about Bonds. So why is Anderson sacrificing his free-life at the expense of baseball’s most vilified man? Here are a few possible theories: 
According to American standards, the 2004 version of the U.S. men’s basketball team was a disappointment. The U.S. team has a long history of Olympic basketball dominance, winning the gold medal in 12 of 14 Olympic competitions from 1936-2000. The 2004 team had a long history of sucking. There was no logical reason for that team to not win the gold or at least the silver. The roster featured a group of proven All-stars including Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson, and a group of budding superstars in LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Amare Stoudemire, yet they jelled as well as the Larry Brown coached New York Knicks. Was it a coincidence that Brown happened to be the head coach of that national team? Just something to ponder. Instead of dominating the competition, the U.S. brought home the bronze, finishing behind soccer powerhouses Argentina and Italy. Now that the 15 finalists for the 2006 U.S. national team’s roster were announced Tuesday, it looks like Team Director Jerry Colangelo is putting together a balanced team capable of demoralizing the competition as previous U.S. teams have become accustomed to. Instead of filling the squad with me-first players, guys with gigantic egos and a lack of anyone who could hit an open jump shot, this year’s team is filled with shooters, role-players, and team oriented players. The 2006 roster will still be cut down to 12 before Aug. 19, leaving 3 players hanging in the balance, but for the first time since the mid 90s our national team looks like an unstoppable force. The best team ever assembled in history was the 1992 Dream Team, which featured future Hall of Famers at every position. This team is a lot younger, and less experienced than the 1992 team, but the future Hall of Fame potential is still there. Here is a break down of which 2006 star is most likely to fill the role of their 1992 counterpart. 
This was the year that the reign was supposed to come to end. For the first time in years it was to be Americans sulking over a failed Tour de France title, not the French. No Lance equals no title, right? Apparently, Floyd Landis didn’t get the memo. Instead, for the eighth straight year an American took home top honors in France’s storied bike race, and for the eighth straight year the French sulked. You would think that the French would have become accustomed to finishing behind an American. The last time a Frenchman won the Tour was Bernard Hinault in 1985. Since then, three separate Americans have claimed victory. I have come to a conclusion: the French don’t want to win as much as they want to see the U.S. fail. I’m betting they would have rather seen Landis fall flat on his face during Sunday’s final ride, than having a countryman actually finish in the top 3. If an Italian, German or Spaniard would have won, the French would have counted that as a victory. Since they aren’t really competitive in their own race, the French have nothing better to do except cheer against Americans. Instead of failing, Landis did exactly what the Lance Armstrong did for the last seven years, he overcame. Landis overcame the Alps, his competitors, and the French supporters. Making this victory even sweeter is the fact the 30-year-old Landis didn’t even take up bicycle riding until the age of 15. He also completed the grueling race with a degenerative hip, which he is scheduled to have replaced. That’s right; he wasn’t even completely healthy and still won. This one-legged, good ol’ country boy from Pennsylvania just beat the French in their own race. Americans now have a full year to celebrate another Tour conquest, and the French have that same time to try to prepare to take their long forgotten crown back. Even if we don’t win the race next year, or for ten more years, we will forever have the Top 8 reasons why the French can’t stand us. 
Are you 5’ 8’’? 150 pounds? Still have dreams of leading your Alma Mater to the national championship? Want to be proclaimed the Big Man on Campus? Boy do I have a product for you. This cutting edge technology is sure to cure even the lowliest former athlete’s inner most desires of football glory. 
The 2006 ESPY awards have come and gone. In case you missed it the evening was filled with laughs, tears and as always some unintentional comedy. Here is a rundown of some of the show’s highlights and lowlights. 
The Oakland Raiders run as official bad boys of the NFL might have come to a close Thursday. The team forever known for blatantly disregarding personal character and signing players with rap sheets longer than Robert Downey Jr. is going to have to fight the newly crowned Cincinnati Bengals for its title back. Somewhere Al Davis is smiling. You see, the on the rise Bengals, anchored by a great young quarterback in Carson Palmer, an exceptionally smart coach in Marvin Lewis, and arguably the game’s best playmaker Chad Johnson is getting more attention for its players’ behavior off the field than their hard-nosed play on it. Just the other day Cincinnati linebacker Odell Thurman was suspended for the first four games of upcoming season for violating the league’s substance-abuse policy. No big deal right, he isn’t the first professional athlete to allegedly enjoy nature’s herb, so lets not be so quick to hang the guy. But I haven’t mentioned that Thurman was previously kicked off the Georgia football team while in college for failing at least one drug test, which bodes well because Thurman now has something in common with the Bengals’ newest addition, supplemental draft pick linebacker Ahmed Brooks of Virginia. Brooks was arrested in 2003 for marijuana possession, and after failing multiple drug test was dismissed from the team this past March. These two should get along just famously. If two troubled linebackers weren’t enough, the Bengals actually have the resources to field a whole position of knuckleheads when rookie linebacker A.J. Nicholson lines up next to Thurman and Brooks on defense. Nicholson was arrested on charges of theft and later dismissed from the Florida State team for sexual misconduct before the Orange Bowl. Not to be outdone in the race for shame is rookie Frostee Rucker, who is facing two spousal abuse and two vandalism charges in Los Angles County, and teammate wide receiver Chris Henry, who now is the NFL’s No. 1 Bad Boy, after being arrested four times in seven months. Ladies and gentlemen, your Cincinnati Criminals…I mean Bengals. The Bengals’ owners need to start using their brains before their team gets completely out of control. There is something to be said for a person’s character. Look at the Patriots for instance, who are the epitome of class and character. The Bengals have too good an opportunity to win, and too many good, young guys to build around to jeopardize that future by continuously adding misfits to the roster. They need to start drafting more with their heads and not their egos. My suggestion would be to send a message and kicks these guys off the team, or suspend them, but make them earn the privilege of playing in the NFL. It’s not too late to start rebuilding the team’s proud image, and besides Al Davis is always one questionable signing away from the Raiders’ reclaiming the top spot again. 
The mid-season report cards are in. Find out if your team is making the grade and see which player is bringing down the class average. We all know which players are All-Stars so let’s take a look at those not pulling their weight. From an AWOL player to a deer meat fiasco, it’s all here.