Once again... I do not endorse binge drinking. But the NBA Draft, much like the NFL Draft, follows an unwavering pattern of canned comments and predictable events that I find highly amusing. And since this draft class is relatively weak, I figured that I had to come up with some way to kick it up a notch. So on that note, I present to you... the Official NBA Draft Drinking Game.
One drink for each time:
- Someone's mother is shown crying - A player wearing a bad suit is selected - David Stern or Russ Granik completely butcher a player's name - Someone from your alma mater (or current school) is selected - The last player in the green room is shown on his cell phone, trying to hide his disappointment - Grainy, convenience store-quality video camera footage of a non-American player is shown - Any player forgets to put the requisite curve in his hat brim before putting it on - Jay Bilas (or anyone else on the broadcast) uses one of the following words "Long" "Explosive" "Wingspan" "Upside" "Motor" "Tweener" "Reach" "Unlimited range" "NBA-ready body" "Jumps out of the gym"
- Stephen A. Smith says any of the following (or a variation thereof): "That's horrible!" "That's terrible!" "However..." "Oh my goodness..."
- The Stephen A. Smith/Tim Legler ESPN Mobile commercial is shown.
Two drinks for each time:
- A foreign-born player uses a translator in the post-pick interview - There is a trade in the first-round (finish your drink if it involves either a lottery pick or your favorite team) - A player is selected and, instead of emerging from the green room, he comes straight out of the crowd - Someone compares Andrea Bargnani to Dirk Nowitzki - Someone compares Adam Morrison to Larry Bird - Someone compares Tyrus Thomas to Shawn Marion - #### Vitale raves about a Duke player - #### Vitale rips a team who takes a foreign-born player over an American player (finish your drink if he says: "That is a joke. That is an absolute joke.")
Finish your drink if:
- A "Fire Thomas" chant breaks out - Stephen A. Smith mentions Scott Layden - A player is drafted and there is no video footage whatsoever - The last player in the green room begins to cry - Adam Morrison begins to cry - A clip package that highlights the worst suits in draft night history is shown - Someone who is at least seven feet tall pats David Stern on the top of the head
nappytemple, I like this. Especially the last one. I would be laughing too hard if that happened though. What about a drink for everytime Stuart Scott gives nucks(the closed fist, this generation's high five) to someone. And two drinks if he gives nucks to a foreigner who doesn't know how to do it properly.
Good one, nappy. I'm afraid I'd be under the table after just the bad suits are shown. I knew there was a good reason I never watched this draft...lightweight. = )
Probably just one element out of this would be enough. The Jay Bilas phrases...that would definitely be enough:
"Look at the range on that explosive tweener with incredible reach with that wingspan on the NBA-ready body."
I wonder if Adam Morrison will top his crying from the NCAA Tourney with 2 seconds left on the clock, he'll propably cry on ticker every time a team has 2 seconds left on the clock until he's selected.
When I say "drink", I mean a small portion, perhaps an ounce. Of Zima, or something along those lines. Any there may have to be a cap on Bilas - maybe one drink for every two Bilas-isms.
Carolyn - If you want to see how long you can hang, feel free to substitute a non-alcoholic beverage, perhaps Coors Light.
George - I think they'll rein Vitale in. Last year, I only think they went to him three times the whole night. Too much Vitale is a bad thing.
Norcal - The NBA draft follow-up is just a natural progression, my friend. I actually watched that putrid NHL draft this weekend. Sober. I have serious issues....
Burger and itzallgud: I would be remiss if I didn't include Mr. Scott. The knucks definitely belong, but I'm not going to justify 'Boo-yah' in any way. I think I'm going to edit...
Widendasea: Excellent point - Morrison did start crying BEFORE the game was over. He may just have overactive tear ducts that flare up when digital clocks approach zero.
Listening to Stephen A. Smith pontificate about anything is enough to drive someone to drink! Yeesh, half the time you'd think the guy is talking about a way to stop world hunger rather than the problems of the Clippers front court.
And the terrible suits thing is hilarious and completely inevitable.
