“That Guy”- There is always one member of crazy cast of characters that can be classified as “that guy.” In NBA broadcasting Bill Walton is “that guy,” in baseball managing Ozzie Guillen is that guy, and in the world of drunken sports whatever-you-want-to-call-it there is this guy, who thought it would be a good idea to use the Wrigley Field wall urinals as a slip and slide.
Shock ‘em – Earlier this month, I wrote a post about the Wichita St. Shockers unique little hand signal that stands for much more than “shocking” the competition. (You can access that blog here). My blog question of whether or not adults knew what the hand signal stood for has now been answered after six high school baseball players were suspended after using that same gesture in a yearbook picture. One player said he was disguted after finding out what the hand signal really mean. Sure buddy, now you’re disgusted -now that your parents know.
Initiation Roundup- A big thanks once again to the folks at badjocks.com who are offering an end of the year initiation roundup showcasing all of this years hazing experiments and wild sports parties gone wrong. From Duke University lacrosse party pictures to Northwestern University soccer pictures you can’t go wrong.
Roid Patrol- I found a pretty cool link showcasing baseball cards of Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire side by side for every year they played baseball. Go here to decide who you think roided up better.
Go Jesus!- It’s official throwback jerseys are not overplayed now that a company has bible themed throwback jerseys. Ironically, David Dejesus still doesn’t have one jersey sold yet.
Now that you've seen my hot links for the week, I will leave you with this week's line of the week:
"Flip Murray couldn't guard him with a tire iron," George Blaha on Cavaliers guard Flip Murray who apparently couldn't guard Chuancey or Rip with, well, a tire iron.
I’m sorry to say this but I am not a witness, because what I saw the last five games were not the Cavaliers playing championship caliber basketball, it was the Pistons playing college caliber basketball.
Call it cockiness, call it confidence, call it what you will, but I like to call it the swagger of a champion. It’s the same swagger the Yankees and Red Wings have ever year when they go down in flames, and it’s the same championship swagger the Lakers had in 2004 when they nearly got swept by the Pistons in the NBA Finals.
Even with that championship swagger on the faces and in the minds of the Pistons, don't expect history to repeat itself.
In the first seven quarters of the Cavs-Stones series the Pistons put to sleep any notion that LeBron James would do what Michael Jordan couldn't in his first try-beat the Bad Boys. Since then however, the Pistons offense looked like it needed an oil change. Scoring under 85 points each of the last three games, the usually supercharged Pistons are now idling, and relying solely on their defense to win games.
Granted the Cavaliers are playing above themselves and King James is at the epicenter of their battles, but still, the Pistons are hardly playing like the heart-of-"stea"l champions we've come to known over the last three years.
The talking heads of sports talk shows and newspapers are already speaking of the King reigning the Eastern Conference playoff castle but, the anguish in the Pistons eyes tells me that it's a little early to call this thing.
The Players Have Heart:
The problem many of the perennial powerhouses in other sports face is that many of their players have already won championships. This is the case with the Red Wings and the Yankees. There isn't much difference with the Pistons except for the role player Antonio McDyess. TNT captured a great outro to their game five telecast zooming in on the anguished face of Antonio McDyess. The shot which seemed to last for about 10 minutes showed that the "Dice Man" is not ready to call it quits, and while other teammates have won their titles, it doesn't mean they are ready to mail it in either.
Each and every Pistons player still has something to prove. Rasheed Wallace has to prove that his loud mouth guarantee didn't jinx his team. He also owes his team a big game performance after his defensive lapse against Robert Horry in last years finals basically led to another Spurs championship.
Although he'll never be chosen as the league MVP, Billups needs to prove that he deserves to be mentioned as a candidate. Billups is known as Mr. Big Shot but they don't call him that for heaving up ill-advised three pointers with three minutes remaining in a close playoff game. Billups is better than that. I know it, you know it, and LeBron James knows it. It's just about proving it.
Ben Wallace needs to prove that he has the work ethic and determination to help his team win another close playoff battle after he basically cost them the game with two missed free throws late in game five. And let’s not forget the coach who has worked so hard, but never won a title. Wouldn’t it be nice if his team could flip the switch and put themselves into playoff overdrive?
Playoff struggles:
During their three year Eastern Conference dominance the Pistons have had their share of slip-ups in the playoffs. In 2005, it took the Pistons six games to defeat the Pacers before winning a seven game series in the Eastern Conference finals. In the conference semi-finals in 2003, the Pistons took a 2-0 series lead over the Nets before losing three straight. Facing elimination the Pistons defense took over, and won the series, and later, the NBA Championship. And how can we forget 2002, when it took the Pistons seven games to defeat the downtrodden Orlando Magic.
Sure the Cavaliers are better than the Magic, but are they better than the 2003 Nets team that gave the Pistons fits? Or the 2005 Heat and Pacers teams which also held leads over the heavily favored Pistons? The answer is an emphatic no. The Pistons have trailed or been tied in just about every playoff series since 2003. Each and every time they have battled back in the clutch and won key games.
Don’t get me wrong, LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers are a good basketball team, but they aren’t a championship caliber team, which means if they beat the Pistons it will be because the Pistons didn’t play well, not because the Cavaliers played well. But maybe that’s just the championship swagger of a fan talking.
In any case, after game five Wednesday Billups repeatedly told reporters he isn't concerned that the Pistons are down 3-2 in the series and facing elimination. I've watched enough Pistons basketball the past few seasons to know, if Billups isn't concerned, that's good enough for me.
Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who is not a Witness. He can be reached at gunnell@msu.edu
There’s been some talk on other blogs and other threads about organized dodgeball.
I didn’t want it to come to this but I guess now that it’s out in the open I have something to say.
My name is Jon, and I’m addicted to dodgeball. I wrote about it once in an old blog in the first competition and I don’t feel like re-hashing. You can read it here.
My whole point for this post is to gain some recognition for one of the fastest growing sports in America, while also finding out if anyone out there in blog land can handle us.
And by us I mean my team: Sal Dodgeball A.K.A. the Weekend Warriors based out of metro Detroit.
There has been some talk from Norcal, he could take us, and maybe he could, but since he is from California there is really no way to know. So if there is anyone out there who is relatively close, who wants to give it a shot and challenge the best let me know.
We will be competing in the following upcoming tournaments:
June 17 2006: Michigan Indoor State Dodgeball Championships, Taylor Michigan
-Last year we won this tournament and sealed the season long state championship. We then earned a bid to outdoor nationals in Chicago. We won three tournaments throughout the 10 tournament series, and won more matches than 71 other competing adult male teams. This season we are once again ranked amongst the top teams, and we are ready to win our second straight state title.
July 21 2006: National Outdoor Amatuer Dodgeball Championships, Schaumburg, Illinois.
-In our first stint in an outdoor tournament last season, we placed ninth out of 36 teams. This year we are hoping to win it all by defeating the Battletoads, a team out of Chicago which squeeked by us in two tournaments already this season. They are the two-time defending national outdoor dodgeball championships and they are the only team that has beaten us since July of last year.
Anyway I don’t mean to put a shameless plug out here for no reason, so if you think you can take us, get your team together and join up. There is no use talking trash on the message boards trying to prove your dodgeball prowess is better than Norcal’s or mine. That will prove nothing.
So what are you waiting for? Go rally the troops and get ready for some intense dodgeball action.
When Barry Bonds cranks out his record setting home run, someone has to catch it. Whoever does, will be the most powerful person in baseball ever.
Think about it. Assuming Barry eventually eclipses Babe Ruth’s 714 home runs, then Hank Aaron’s 755, someone has to come away with the ball. And Barry, Major League Baseball, and every wealthy sports memorabilia collector will pay top dollar for it.
Whoever this person may be, he or she should start considering his or her options because they impending decision could change the face of baseball forever.
Option 1: Keep the Ball and Sell it Back to Barry:
For anyone sports enthusiasts who have a soft spot for law-breakers or San Francisco Giants fans option one is the easiest choice. The ball sale could generate enough money to change someone’s life, and it would also ensure the ball return to it’s proper place, either Barry’s shrine, or a place in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Option 2: Throw it Back:
If there is any person in the world with enough cajones to throw the record setting ball back onto the field I would like to shake their hand. A throw back is baseball’s version of a slap in the face. I mean what better way to defend your team’s honor and make Barry feel unwelcome by throwing the ball back into the field of play. Sure throwing the ball back would cancel a chance at making millions off of selling the ball, but it would garner enough media attention that would make you famous, which could lead to money. But then again it isn’t all about money.
Option 3: Keep it:
It would be a once in a lifetime chance at getting a great sports collectable. But how anti-climactic would that be?
Option 4: The Truth:
If I were the one who caught Barry’s record blast I wouldn’t sell it for money, and I surely wouldn’t have the testicular fortitude to throw it back. Instead I would agree to give Barry the ball back after he tells the whole truth about everything including Victor Conte, Balco, the Clear, the Cream and all those other controversial performance enhancers. I would also make Barry tell the truth during a press conference where he would be sporting a Tommy LaSorda Dodgers jersey while washing my car.
Far fetched? Maybe, but my car needs cleaning up and so does this steroid controversy.
Chances are, the person who catches the home run ball wouldn’t dare throw it back. The one who grabs it will probably be some lucky fan who has dreamed of catching a home run or grabbing a foul ball. Heck, I know I have.
I just hope the person that catches it frequents my blog, then maybe baseball would have a saving grace. You may think it is foolishness on my part to think about the integrity of the game of baseball over money, but wouldn’t it be nice if things were that way?
Somewhere in this strange world of ours there is the small chance that the person who grabs that ball will either be rich and not need the money, or will have read this blog, and think twice about selling the ball right back to Uncle Barry.
I don’t care who catches Barry’s record setting home run ball, I just hope it someone who cares greatly about baseball.
Actually, on second thought, Barry in a Dodgers jersey washing my car sounds like a pretty good idea. I think I’ll go order some Giants tickets now.
#### End Note#### What would you do if you caught number 715, or 756? Would it all be about money? Or the game?
Jon Gunnells is journalism senior at Michigan State University who has never caught a home run, but plans to throw it back if it comes from the opposing team. He can be reached at Gunnell2@msu.edu
If you did not catch a first glimpse of my list you can access it here. And while were on the subject of accessing archives check out my last blog containing my picks for the NGS II.
Now, on with the show…..
49. Blades of Steel is my favorite hockey video game.
48. Tecmo Super Bowl is my favorite video game of all time.
47. I think Penn State has some pretty cool football uniforms, but not Indiana.
46. I just ordered some kung pow chicken but the Asian restaurant gave me moo shu pork.
45. I really liked the Simpson’s episode where Homer meets Gerald Ford.
44. I’ve never seen the Red Wings win a hockey game in person, but I did see the Pistons beat the Bulls during the Jordan era.
43. I am perturbed by the fact that Tom Green now has a show on Disney.
42. I repeat Tom Green has a show on Disney.
41. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is one heckuva movie.
40. Rookie of the Year is a much better movie.
39. I’ve never caught a tee shirt from a tee shirt gun at a sporting event.
38. I’m not an efficient three point shooter.
37. I can probably run, bike or swim faster than you, but I won’t beat you in ice hockey, golf, or tennis.
36. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.
35. Jerry Rice used to be my favorite football player, but now it’s Shaun Rogers.
34. I once hit a home run after a ground ball went under the first baseman’s legs. No it shouldn’t be scored as a single with three errors.
33. I haven’t scored a baseball game that I have attended but I scored a high school softball game for work.
32. I’m watching Soul Train right now. I definitely didn’t know it was still 1990.
31. I find the Dallas Mavericks offensive strategy to be exhausting.
30. I used to own a Brett Favre poster, not really sure why.
29. I used to be a huge hockey fan; I’m not really sure why that is.
28. I get the Canadian Broadcast Channel in my apartment, it has poor sports programming.
27. I’m getting really good at darts.
26. I don’t doubt NASCAR is a sport, but that also means go carting is a sport too.
25. I can’t bring myself to watch figure skating, fishing, bowling or boxing.
24. I can’t bring myself to watch the WNBA, if I wanted to see bounce passing, I’d watch a middle school basketball game.
23. Flag football is not a sport for real men.
22. I think rugby, lacrosse, and track and field are underrated.
21. I used to love WWF wrestling before I found out wrestling was fake.
20. I did not like the WCW at all, nor did I like Ric Flair. Woooo!
19. I can’t root for any teams in the AL that aren’t the Tigers.
18. The Patriots are my fall back plan when the Lions lose.
17. I’m not a bandwagon fan, I swear.
16. I don’t really like the Washington Redskins helmets, or Bobby Bowden in general.
15. I think Brewster’s Millions is a great sports movie.
14. I have a drawer full of dodgeball jerseys.
13. I am about an inch shy of being able to dunk a basketball.
12. My friends call me the hammer when we play volleyball.
11. I think the Tigers are going to win the pennant every year.
10. Sometimes I am delusional.
9. Pro-Stars with Wayne Gretzky, Bo Jackson and Michael Jordan was an underrated television show.
8. I don’t like Deion Sanders’ taste in suits.
7. Chris Berman is slowly starting to annoy me, but not as much as Stuart Scott.
6. I met Al Kaline, Craig Monroe, John Clayton and Chris Berman all in the same year. It was a good year.
5. I’m sad that Malcolm in the Middle is off the air. It was fox’s fault. They put it in a bad time slot.
4. Rocky Movies need to stop being made.
3. I believe there is no crying in baseball.
2. I wish the World Baseball Classic would have been more popular.
1. I can be really random when it comes to blogging about sports.
Jon Gunnells is journalism senior at Michigan State University. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu
Long live the days of unique sports team nicknames. The Western Kentucky Hilltoppers, the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Texas State Fightin’ Armadillos. Even if that last one is from a fictional sports movie, it's still more creative than most of the garbage we consider name-worthy nowadays. Mascots and team names nowadays are pretty much one in the same. If a team isn't named after a specific sock color or boring bird, it's named after a furry animal or a type of pirate.
I understand some team names are historical, and others have lost their meaning over the years but some things are ridiculous. In the big four we have two teams sporting the nickname kings, and at one point we had two named the jets. I'm even willing to bet that roughly one in six college teams are named the wildcats or cougars.
If it were up to me, I would be implementing some sports nickname rules of my own, and making some serious changes.
Rule No. 1- The team nickname must have something to do with the current state of team or the history of the geography of the team. For example: The Detroit Pistons, are from the motor city, hence the automobile themed name.
Rule No. 2- If at all possible the team nickname should involve some alliteration by using the same beginning letter as the city or state it stands next to. This is commonly found in famous athletes names. Examples include: Hulk Hogan, Bubby Brister, and The Texas Tornado.
Rule No. 3 - If the team does not have a rich history (we aren't talking about the Cowboys or Lakers) the name can be changed on a rotating basis, to fit the current mold of the franchise.
Rule No. 4 - No more teams shall be named after animals with claws or sharp teeth.
Rule No. 5 – Naming a team after celebrities to represent pitfalls is not only acceptable, but it is strongly encouraged. For example: The Miami Hurricanes, a team known for producing murderers, drug addicts and thugs could be the Darryl Strawberry All-Stars.
Now onto some team name changes that have already begun to take shape in my scattered brain.
In the NFL....
The Houston Texans become the Texas Train Wrecks:
Houston we have a pone call over here, it's from a guy named Creativity. Yeah, he says something about you not being allowed to name your team after your state. This would be like having a football team named the Florida Floridians. The Texas Train Wrecks however, is a much more fitting name that includes alliteration while also describing the current situation of the Houston franchise. I can almost picture a logo now. There's a train driving recklessly into a an opponents stadium. And the conductor you ask? David Carr.
The Detroit Lions become the Detroit Dodos:
Detroit gets a new nickname in the form of a flightless bird because as a franchise they have not gotten off the ground. The Dodo bird can also represent a cast of characters present in the Lions locker room over the years including Jeff Garcia, Joey Harrington, Charles Rogers, Matt Millen, and Mike Williams.
In the MLB...
The Atlanta Braves become the Atlanta Albatross:
The team ditches the potentially offensive Indian themed mascot for the Albatross who is known for many dominating bird feats. Like the Albatross, the team from Atlanta is found in the South, relatively close to the ocean. Still not convinced? Atlanta also has an impressive winning streak in the NL East and the Albatross has an impressive wingspan. The two are destined to be together. If you believe that I have some property in California to sell you.
The San Diego Padres become the San Diego Stirrups:
In this politically correct world we live in today naming a team after a Spanish priest is not a good omen. A better way to go would be naming the team after a variety of leggings- and not that of the usual #### tube sock variety. Just think about the upcoming home game giveaways. I can see the first 10,000 kids lining up already for their chance at getting a pair of Dewon Brazleton replica stirrups.
In the NHL….
The Boston Bruins become the Boston Bottomfeeders:
In the Bruins defense, Boston was the original Hockeytown. In everyone else’s defense, Boston still stinks.
The Detroit Red Wings become the Detroit Dominators:
What the heck is a Red Wing anyway? Has anyone ever seen an actual Red Wing growing off the side of a chrome spoked rim with surrounding tire? Neither have I. Besides, thirteen years of Western Conference (wait, no. Yeah. Western Conference) dominance couldn’t be wrong.
In the NBA…
To be honest, when it comes to the NBA, or NCAA sports I haven’t thought of many useful changes other than eliminating the nickname wildcats all-together. My only other suggestion is moving the Atlanta Hawks to the West Coast so they could be renamed the Pacific Pac-Men to go along with their logo from the '80s.
I’m sure if I have enough time though, I’ll be able to figure out some more good ones to add to this list. Then again that’s what I said about the anagram names a few months ago. And now, I’m honestly beginning to believe Eli Manning’s anagram name “Nailing Men,” will never be topped.
Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who wishes Necessary Roughness was on TBS right now. But all they play is Down Periscope and reruns of the Drew Carey Show. Jon Gunnells can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu
In my mind mascots and sports team nicknames are the greatest thing since the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Mascots encourage enthusiasm among fans, lead team cheers, jump through rings of fire, and in the case of the San Diego Chicken they are pop culture icons.
Many teams and mascots are commonly named after Birds, or vengeful animals with long claws and sharp teeth. The normal culprits are Lions, Tigers and Cougars (gotcha). Look no further than the 1995 national championship game between the Wildcats and the Wildcats to prove the point that team names are cliche.
Although many mascots are about as unique as a P-Diddy song, there is one mascot that has slipped under the radar and not caught the right people's attention. During the 2006 men's basketball tournament, the Shockers of Wichita State became a household name, but their nickname? That still remains a question for most people who aren't in college or don't think like a 14-year-old boy.
When the Wichita State athletic department chose the name "Shockers" they probably envisioned it meaning something to the tune of "shocking the competition". That's all fine and well, except for the fact that "The Shocker" is an interestingly not so G-rated nickname. In fact, the name "the shocker" and its accompanying gang symbol like hand sign are so innapropriate your not going to find an explanation for it on this page. For that you would probably need to redirect your browser to Urbandictionary.com, a website which is certainly frequented by people searching for explanations for urban lingo.
If you've already heard about Wichita State's coincedental nickname, I wouldn't seem surprised. Among high school and college students the Shockers, and the hand symbol has become quite a phenomenon. Websites sell foam fingers to represent the vulgar hand symbol, and worse yet, the Wichita St. cheerleaders were captured using "the shocker" hand signal on CBS during the second round of the NCAA tournament. The hand signal, which is becoming more widely known and more widely used, was also sported by many male and female cheerleaders on the Wichita St. men's basketball media guide in the past few seasons.
Above: A Wichita St. cheerleader throws up what most people think is probably a strange suburban gang sign for rich white girls.
Now it might just be the college student in me, but the name "Shockers" does not offend me. Personally, I think it is pretty funny that a school of that size can go on with such an interesting name and hand gesture without raising the eybrows of adminstrators or faculty members.
Ironically, the talking heads of sports have only been mentioning offensive nicknames as they pertain to potentially offensive mascots named after Indians or Indian tribes. The Illinois Fighting Illini, Florida State Seminoles, North Dakota State Fighting Sioux, and the Central Michigan Chippewas are just a few of the schools fighting injuctions to keep their mascots the same because they are not offensive. Meanwhile, sports fans are quick to point out other mascots like the Fighting Irish, Blue Devils, Demon Deacons and others that could be potentially offensive while completely overlooking the Shockers.
It may be that some people have never heard of Wichita St. or that they don't even know they are the Shockers. It could be they have never seen the strange hand symbol, or just don't care all together. (Of course, you and I knew what the story behind the Wichita St. nickname all along because we are in the know like that).
Years from now, the Shockers won't be remembered for a Cinderella tournament run, or for having their mascot participate in a slam dunk contest. They won't know the mascot because it danced on a dugout during the seventh inning stretch or because it fought the San Diego Chicken. The Shockers will always be known as the offensive team nickname/mascot that slipped the radar.
Maybe this one time, a school should have chosen their nickname to be the Wildcats.
Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who is totally in the know. You can get at him via e-mail at gunnell2@msu.edu
Since the NGS 2 began I’ve realized not too many frequent my blog any more. It could be that an influx of new writers have stolen my traffic, or that I am simply not entertaining. Mainly, I think it’s because I don’t have pictures of Natalie Gulbis or Jenny Finch but that is not the point.
The problem is, like thousands of other people on this site, I’m in the business of competitive blogging, specialized around the fine art of sports writing. With the exception of a few pioneers in the NGS 1, nobody knows my writing style or my story.
Luckily for the newbies, or those who missed it the first time around, I’ve decided to condense my style, my story, my philosophy and my randomness in 100 quick tidbits.
100. I wear only sports hats. In the last 16 years I have accumulated roughly 100 of them.
99. I’ve never caught a home run, or foul ball, but if I caught one from an opposing team, I’d throw it back.
98. I’m watching Tremors 2 right now, the original used to be my favorite movie.
97. I wish every Saturday was a college football Saturday.
96. I’ve used to be a really big Shaquille O’Neal fan until he ate Anfernee Hardaway in the mid 90s.
95. I think it is a sin to root for teams outside of my local newspaper’s coverage area.
94. I think Scott Pollard has really nasty sideburns.
93. AC/DC’s Thunderstruck is the greatest sports pump up song ever.
92. Eye of the Tiger is a close second.
91. I think Lost is the greatest current television show.
90. I’m a big fan of the three man weave.
89. I think the spike is still the greatest sports celebration.
88. I’m not a big fan of soccer.
87. I always root for the underdog, unless they are playing my favorite team.
86. I don’t get the concept of professional teams wearing, purple or teal.
85. I don’t like the way ESPN only covers the Yankees, Red Sox, Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant.
84. I really dislike Kobe Bryant.
83. I truly believe Kobe Bryant is the best player in the NBA right now.
82. I’m 4-37 all time at Comerica Park for Detroit Tigers games.
81. I’m somewhere around 12-0 for Michigan football games at the Big House.
80. I saw Touchdown Jesus once. He winked at me.
79. The Soprano’s is also a very good show.
78. I have an autographed Michael Vick card worth a few hundred bucks.
77. I have about 10,000 other cards not worth that much combined.
76. I’m a really big fan of cheeseburger flavored hot pockets.
75. I’m not really a MAC guy.
74. I rooted for Mark McGwire in 1998 and now I feel used.
73. If I was rich, and I caught Barry Bonds’ record home run ball, I would either throw it back or destroy it.
72. Red Foreman scares me.
71. I play competitive dodgeball, my team is ranked No. 1 in the state of Michigan.
70. The school I go to is my favorite school’s rival.
69. The school I go to recently lost to Rutgers in football, that just about explains it.
68. I met Lute Olsen, #### Vitale and Rolly Mossimino at the Final Four.
67. I would wear a headband, a cutoff tee shirt and basketball shirts to work if it were socially acceptable.
66. I don’t like players who are bad role models. Steroid abusers, drug addicts, Charles Barkley, Bode Miller and others.
65. I reached level 9 in NCAA Football 2006 which is pretty much God status.
64. I can’t grasp the quarterback cone in Madden.
63. I haven’t had Big League Chew in a while.
62. If I wanted to watch bounce passing, I’d watch middle school intramural basketball not the WNBA.
61. I think Ashlee Simpson is a trainwreck.
60. I like the Red Wings, but I don’t like the way they underachieve.
59. I own a Joey Harrington throwback jersey.
58. If the other jerseys I own are any indication of how Joey will turn out, things look good. I also own Emmit Smith, Steve Young, Curtis Martin, Charles Woodson, Tom Brady, Mark McGwire , Shaquille O’Neal, and Charles Barkley jerseys.
57. I want to go to the Detroit Tigers fantasy camp.
56. I’m a closet Florida/Colorado/Marshall football fan.
55. I always root for the Big Ten, even Ohio State.
54. I watched a football game in Neyland Stadium, it was pretty tight.
53. I sat through a full Devil Rays Game.
52. I heckle all the opposing team’s outfielders.
51. I can’t golf or play tennis very well.
50. I used to by Topps baseball cards just to eat the gum.
Numbers 1-49 coming soon.
Jonathan Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University, and the youngest legal finalist in the Next Great Sportswriter. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu
It’s been a busy time for me this week which is the main reason for my lack of blogging. A steady mix of helping out at high school track meets, taking finals, and getting hit in he head by Delmon Young’s thrown bat has kept me out of action for a while, but it can’t keep me down forever.
Sports commercials have it rock bottom: I saw this Gatorade commercial the other day showing soccer clips while to the tune of Take me out to the Ball Game, now if that is not blasphemy I do not know what is. I’ll leave it to you guys, the readers, to decide if soccer even has a legitimate place in sports because the argument has been exhausted on me thus far. I argue with my roommates on a daily basis about how much better baseball is than soccer, but most the time it ends up with me trying to hit someone. It’s bad enough that I have had to deal with soccer being hyped up as “the next great sport” for the last 15 years, but now that it’s being involved with a historic part of the baseball, I’m enraged. At this point, I despise soccer more than the WNBA, which should be saying a lot, because if I wanted to see bounce passing, I’d go watch a middle school intramural game.
The kid is not cringing because he got sweat in his eyes, he's cringing because his parents make him choose between playing soccer or watching the WNBA.
The Red Wings falter once more: For the third time in four seasons the Wings have been taken down in the first round of the NHL playoffs. This, after having the best record in the NHL. Some may say the Wings can now hit the links, but considering their age, I bet they all go down to their condo’s in Florida.
JohnDaly and Charles Barkley are morons: But it isn’t like you didn’t know that already. When I first saw Daly’s name in the newspaper I figured it had something to do with his reality show. You know the one where he drinks beer and swears for 30 minute segments on the golf channel. Daly claims to have lost 50-60 million dollars in gambling over the years which is absurd considering Daly never wins any money in major tournaments. I believe Daly lost that much money about as much as I believe Charles Barkley is still in good shape.
"I weigh how much now"
In the land of commercials Whopper is king: Leave it to me to bring up commercials in my first four rants but has anyone seen their new spot. Thousands of men cheering on manly acts while eating outrageous sized burgers is truly a brilliant brain child. It’s lack of commercials like this that keeps me away from McDonald’s wacky advertisements featuring nocturnal D.J.’s and rollerblading basketball players. Seriously rollerblading basketball players? Are you kidding me? You would have to get the Cha-Ching from Rally’s circa 1990 to sell me anything that comes from McDonald’s.
The NBA Playoffs are outrageous: By comparison, the regular season was a terrible intro to round one, which is why I didn’t watch much of it. I did the same thing concerning hockey. I mean what’s the difference you know what’s going to happen. Larry Brown is going to be the center of attention, Kevin Garnett will be ostracized for doing something or another wrong. Kobe will be loved, then hated, then loved some more, then snubbed, all while a shaggy haired point guard wins another MVP award. And not to get off the subject or anything but the Wendy’s commercials aren’t too good either. They really need to bring Dave Thomas back.I mean I know he is dead, but if Tupac can release three albums after his death, Dave Thomas could do a cameo for the square burgers again. Really though why the square burger? You know if I wanted to poke my eye out, I'd just fall on a rusty nail. Thanks.
Jon Gunnells is journalism senior at Michigan State University, who is appalled at the poor level of fast food advertising on television. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu.
For most sports enthusiasts, this past Saturday was a time to reflect on the NFL Draft, and maybe catch a glimpse of the NHL or NBA playoffs, but for Detroit sports fans it was sports lineup that may never be topped.
12:00 p.m. NFL Draft -- ESPN
1:05 p.m.Detroit Tigers vs. Minnesota Twins -- Fox Sports Net
1:05 p.m. NCAA Baseball double header: Michigan State vs. Michigan- Comcast Local
3:00 p.m.NHLPlayoffs: Detroit Red Wings vs. Edmonton Oilers-- NBC
8:00 p.m.NBA Playoffs: Detroit Pistons vs. Milwaukee Bucks – ESPN
11:55 a.m. – Here we go, thirteen hours of pure sports brilliance broadcast on four different networks on two different televisions, if only every American were lucky enough to have as much free time as me.
12:00 p.m. – Nothing like getting the sports television marathon started with Chris Berman and Mel Kiper who will spend the next seven hours acting like football robots.
12:11 p.m. - I hate to be the fashion police but it looks like Vince Young and Reggie Bush are dressed for the pimp daddy convention not the NFL Draft.
12:39 p.m. - And the Aaron Rogers award for biggest draft day flop goes to Matt Leinart of the USC Trojans.
1:07 p.m. – Vernon Davis is crying. I would be too if I was just drafted by the San Francisco 49ers and Alex Smith was going to be my quarterback.
1:14 p.m.- The Raiders just drafted Michael Huff. I’m going to cut myself.
1:17 p.m.- I’ve just gotten three phone calls since the Raiders stole the Lions only good defensive option. All my friends are calling for Leinart = Lion Hart draft pick. This could be a blessing in disguise.
1:22 p.m.- Carlos Guillen hits harder than the bass at Snoop Dogg concert. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s a 2-run home run giving the Tigers a 2-0 lead, and giving Guillen 7 RBI in the last four at bats.
1:26 p.m. - Donte Whitner to the Bills at No.8 are you kidding me? It's decisions like this that lost Marv Levy four straight Super Bowls.
1:34 p.m.- Nothing like passing up a two time national championship quarterback for a injury prone linebacker from Florida State. Congratulations Ernie Sims your football career is officially over.
1:37 p.m. – Phone call from my buddy Erik: “We suck again; Ernie Sims is a walking concussion.” Could be a good ploy by the Lions though, getting a guy who is so roughed up in the noggin, he won’t realize he’s player for the dumbest general manager in all of sports.
1:42 p.m.- The Arizona Cardinals are officially for real. Leinart, Boldin, Fitzgerald, Edgerin James. Look out NFC East.
1:43 p.m. – Tigers rookie centerfielder Curtis Granderson just smashed a 2-run shot to left field. Tigers 5, Twinkies 0.
1:47 p.m. – Guillen now has a pair of twin killings that’s another Tigers 2-run home run, and 9 RBI in 5 at bats.
1:49 p.m. – This is me pre-ordering my Detroit Tigers World Series tickets. You know if the playoffs started today they would have the Wild Card.
1:54 p.m. – Next Monday is Pudge Rodriguez growth poster giveaway night at Comerica Park. I wonder if the SBC Park has a Barry Bonds Human Growth Hormone poster giveaway night.
2:28 p.m. - Looks like I dozed off there for a short while. No matter. I could take a seven hour nap and the Tigers would still be cranking home runs, the score is 11-0 now.
2:32 p.m. - With the 15th pick in the 2006 NFL Draft the St. Louis Rams select Ty Hildenbrandt, Cornerback from Clemson. Great first the competition, and now he gets drafted before me.
2:34 p.m. - Whoops my bad. That was Tye Hill, not Hildenbrandt. See I knew I’d be drafted first.
2:45 p.m. – Phone is ringing. Must be the Kansas City Cheifs calling to say they’re drafting me.
2:48 p.m. – Nope, just my mom.
2:58 p.m.- Guillen and the Tigers are up 13-1 now and I think I figured out why. Their batting coach is named Don Slaught. What better way to lead an offensive onslaught than with a coach named Don Slaught. This would be like having a race car driver named Acceleration McGhee.
3:01 p.m. – The game five match up between the Red Wings and the Oilers is about to get underway and the Tigers are only in the sixth inning. We need a third television.
3:10 p.m.- Ohio State players are flying off the board quicker than a hoagie fly’s out of John Kruk’s fridge. All the Buckeye player highlights are against Michigan State. I’m waiting for the John L. Smith sound byte to come on.
“THE KIDS ARE PLAYING THEIR TAILS OFF AND THE COACHES ARE SCREWIN’ IT UP.”
3:17 p.m. – The last sound you hear before muting the television showing the NFL draft is “click- clack.” These Under Armour commercials are more annoying than those tools from the Applebee’s spots.
3:25 p.m. – Bases loaded for the Tigers. Craig Monroe is going to lead us to the promised land, and Justin Verlander is the greatest pitcher ever.
3:29 p.m. – Does Merril Hodge realize how bad his pink shirt looks with a tan suit and tie. Someone get Jeff Garcia over there to give some fashion tips.
3:35 p.m.- Tamba Hali’s highlight reel is also full of clips versus MSU, great representation team. Go Green.
3:37 p.m.- Bases loaded again. I’m like a kid in a candy store.
4:18 p.m. – The Oilers just scored a goal at the same time the Giants traded the 25th overall pick. I think this is a big government conspiracy. Grassy knoll.
4:20 p.m. – Through about four and a half hours of non-stop sports indulgence the highlight is not the 18 runs put up by the Tigers but the Visa commercial with the break dancing worm.
4:25 p.m.-There’s another goal. Oil Embargo 2, Red Wings 0
4:30 p.m. - Oil spot in my driveway 3, Wings 0. I need a drink.
4:49 p.m.- Brendan Shannahan just scored what is probably his first playoff goal in about 13 years, I hope he feels less dead inside now.
5:25 p.m.- The kooky Applebee’s singers just got the Gilligan’s Island theme song stuck in my head.
5:33 p.m. – “The professor and Mary Anne, here on Gilligan’s Island!”
5:35 p.m. – New England just drafted Chad Jackson. These guys never seem to make a bad pick.
5:40 p.m. – You know what I haven’t had in a while? Big League Chew.
5:55 p.m. – The 7-11 down the street does not sell big league chew, but they do have beef jerky that sits in a tin like the adult form of big league chew. Classy.
5:58 p.m. – After pulling their goalie and getting another skater on the ice Henrik Zetterberg drilled a shot from the point to make the score 3-2 in Edmonton’s favor. Too little too late.
6:00 p.m.- The only thing worse than the Wings game five loss is Jimmy Williams’s mutton chops. What did shaving go out of style?
6:05 p.m.- White Men Can’t Jump is on TNT, today’s television lineup just gained a bunch of cool points.
6:19 p.m.- There’s an MLS game on EPSN 2, today’s television lineup just lost all of it’s cool points.
6:24 p.m -The Lions just drafted Daniel Bullocks from Nebraska. But before he could step up to the podium the Michigan Football team rushed the field. Just kidding, Michigan doesn’t cheat like that.
6:27 p.m.- Speaking of Michigan, that baseball doubleheader is going strong. Michigan leads MSU 4-2 in the 5th inning right now which is too bad because one of my former roommates is pitching now for the Spartans.
6:37 p.m.- I really thought he could have gotten the Spartans the win, I mean he is on the juice. No really, he’s on Vitamin C pills called the juice.
6:41 p.m.- LenDale White just got drafted to the tune of a shirt that says Chauncey Billups got robbed. That’s right. Hatin’ MVP voters be actin’ a fool.
8:28 p.m.- That’s definitely a post dinner induced coma. I just missed the Lions third round pick and the beginning of the Pistons game.
8:39 p.m. - How come whenever I wake up from a day time nap I feel messed up like I just ate too much sugar, or ate a whole block of cheese for dinner again? Now I know how Ernie Sims feels after a concussion.
8:36 p.m.- An ultra delayed text message informs me that Brian Calhoun is the newest Lion. Yay! Now we have three backup running backs not capable of taking the burden off of injury prone Kevin Jones or mediocre quarterback Jon Kitna.
9:00 p.m.- Sorry, no real updates to be had here. The Pistons are not making a good sports day of this at all.
10:56 p.m. – Chalk one up in the loss column for the Pistons who just got dropped by the Bucks by 20 points. It’s a different era in Detroit when the Lions and the Tigers had a better day than the Pistons.
If you count the few hours I slept for, it’s a total of 11 hours of pure Detroit sports coverage. Sure Matt Millen screwed up the draft as always and the Pistons and Red Wings got beat by teams they were better than, the point is the Tigers won, and my phone is once again ringing, meaning the Patriots are probably trying to call about my impending multi-million dollar contract.
Jon Gunnells is a journalism junior at Michigan State University who seriously declared for the NFL draft like two years ago. If you're an NFL team, you can reach him at gunnell2@msu.edu
Welcome to The "Gunn" Show where NFL draft predictions are sloppier than the Vikings defense
Just by reading the blogs on Foxsports.com you would never know the NFL Draft existed. Luckily, I am here to reassure you it does. As a matter of fact, the NFL Draft is scheduled to culminate this weekend, and once again, without my superior football insight you probably wouldn't have known that either.
In light of the NFL Draft which is (gasp!) less than two days away, I will offer up to you something that has never been seen before. Not online, not on television, not on the radio and especially not on Foxsports.com blog threads. Ladies and gentleman give it up for "The Gunn Show's" first ever mock draft - a complete first round shakedown of picks with a quirky anecdote that you may not have known.
1. Houston Texans -- Reggie Bush RB USC -- Just like you've never heard of or seen a mock draft, you've probably never heard of Reggie Bush. Take my word on this one, I think he Bush be good enough to lead the Texans to an unprecedented 6-10 season next year.
2. New Orleans Saints -- Jay Cutler QB Vanderbilt -- First round draft picks from Vanderbilt occur about as often as the Saints make an intelligent draft day decision. Cutler and the Saints are like two peas in a pod. And by peas in a pod I mean Ditka should have really traded this pick away in the late 90s with all the others.
3. Tennessee Titans -- Matt Lienart QB USC-- If Lienart can only live up to expectations set forth by former Titans quarterback Steve Mcnair, the Titans should be a broken rib, a fractured thumb, a hamstring pull and a concussion away from Lienart sitting on the bench watching Billy Volek.
4. New York Jets -- Mario Williams DE N.C. State -- Analysts say defense wins championships. They also say Mario Williams is the next Julius Peppers- which is just fantastic because now Williams can also not win a Super Bowl because his team focused on defense and didn't draft a running back.
5. Green Bay Packers -- A.J. Hawk LB Ohio State --Nothing like killing two birds with one stone. The Packers get the linebacker they need, and the leader they need to choke Brett Favre when he opts out of retirement next season.
6. San Francisco 49'ers -- Vernon Davis TE Maryland-- I have zero justification for this pick beyond what NFL.COM draft expert Pat Kirwin has previously written.
"If Alex Smith doesn't get a go-to player like Vernon Davis, the pressure will mount quickly in the Bay Area."
Or they could draft Vince Young and release the mounting pressure in the Niners front office because they thought Alex Smith could be good even if he was surrounded by go-to players.
7. Oakland Raiders -- Vince Young QB Texas -- Young is an inspiration to any quarterback who ever had a good combine without accidentally going too far and becoming Jay Cutler.
8. Buffalo Bills -- D'Brickashaw Ferguson OT Virginia -- I have no reason to believe D'Brickashaw Ferguson will end up in a Bills uniform. I also have no reason to believe that "big bricky" won't have a heart attack before training camp. At least this way the Bills will get some exposure beyond the normal exposure they get for having a worse 2005 season than the Detroit Lions.
9. Detroit Lions -- Antonio Cromartie CB Florida State -- The Lions are notorious for picking cornerbacks and strong safeties that could not cover a kiddy pool with an oversized tarp. This is why the Lions pass on Michael Huff and draft a player whose college career spanned one game. Plus if Cromartie cannot provide big play potential like former draft picks Chris Cash and Andre Goodman they can always convert him to a wide receiver.
10. Arizona Cardinals -- Broderick Bunkley DT Florida State -- It’s tough to know what happens more often: Arizona Cardinals draft picks imploding or former Florida State players getting arrested. In either case this selection has ineptitude written all over it.
11. St. Louis Rams -- Michael Huff SS Texas -- The good news is Huff won't ruin his career in Detroit. The bad news is he can ruin it in St. Louis who without Mike Martz has about as much as a chance of winning a Super Bowl as I do winning the NGS II.
12. Cleveland Browns -- Haloti Ngata DT Oregon -- Ngata fits Cleveland's 3-4 defensive scheme like an old shoe. Ironically, 3-4 is also the number of people if will take to carry Ngata away from every post game meal.
13. Baltimore Ravens -- Winston Justice DT USC -- This selection could work out very well for the defensive minded Ravens. Or it could end with multiple stab wounds in Justice's back when he inadvertently steals Ray Lewis's thunder.
14. Philadelphia Eagles -- Bobby Carpenter LB Ohio State -- Some say fellow Ohio State player Nick Mangold could end up here, but personally I say he isn't injury prone enough to join the Eagles sickly squad.
15. Denver Broncos -- LenDale White RB USC -- In a bazaar front office move, Mike Shannahan passes up team needs to be the first coach to draft two overrated out of shape running backs in consecutive years.
16. Miami Dolphins --Ernie Simms LB Florida State-- Nick Saban chooses talent over team needs in a similar fashion to how he usually chooses money over team loyalty. With Simms the Dolphins not only get a strong defensive hitter, they also get a player with a criminal background to make Ricky Williams look less de####able.
17. Minnesota Vikings -- Manny Lawson OLB N.C. State -- Going from an east coast home to a northern city like Minnesota should be about as welcoming to Lawson as a gun shot wound.
18. Dallas Cowboys -- Kamerion Wimbley OLB Florida State -- If it were any other team that had these many first round picks I'd be running out of jokes. Fortunately for me, the school is Florida State so the mere mention of any of the following key words: Assault and battery, armed robbery, DUI, and criminal misconduct, work just find as a clever punch line.
19. San Diego Chargers -- Nick Mangold C Ohio State -- Does anyone else find it humorous that a player with the name Mangold will be playing a position where a quarterback will start each play by touching his Mangold? Now also seems like an appropriate time to mention this pick works because San Diego is near San Francisco.
20. Kansas City -- Tamba Hali DE Penn State -- Our old chum Pat Kirwin says Tamba Hali has a motor that does not quit. It should fit in pretty nicely with the Chiefs collective defensive motor which has never started.
21. New England -- Chad Greenway OLB Iowa -- After failing to draft a linebacker uglier than his cut off sweatshirts, New England mastermind coach Bill Bellichick must settle for what's available.
22. San Francisco --????-- In a strange cost cutting move by the stingy San Francisco front office, the 49ers fail to draft a player with their second first round selection. Instead they opt to trade the rights to Alex Smith jokes for a sack of cash.
23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- Santonio Holmes WR Ohio State -- The transition to the NFL will be tough for Holmes especially since as the 23rd overall draft pick, he will be making far less money for the Buc's than he did with the Bucks.
24. Cincinnati -- Jimmy Williams CB Virginia Tech --Failing to draft another offensive counterpart with the surname Johnson, the Bengals opt for a cornerback to counter the great AFC Central arms of Kyle Boller, and Trent Dilfer.
25. N.Y. Giants -- Tye Hill CB Clemson -- The Giants need hill to replace R.W. McQuarters on the depth chart. I'll explain using my favorite R-DUB moment. It's late in the 2005 season and the city of Detroit is bent on Fire Millen! chants and booing the Lions through and through. In a nut shell, the Bengals come to town and right when you think things can't get much worse, McQuarters shows a glimmer of hope and breaks free on a kick return. A split second later he trips over his own feet and fumbles the ball right into the Bengals special teams’ player. Long live the Lions, long live the Giants.
26. Chicago Bears -- Eric Winston T Miami -- Chicago definitely needs some of the ninth floor bad boys from The “U” to cancel out the fact that the Bears head coach is named Lovie.
27. Carolina Panthers -- Laurence Maroney RB Minnesota -- For those of you who still think defense wins championships look no further than this selection, which could actually happen, to prove your point wrong. The Panthers got the "you need a real running back" memo about three years late- must have been missing that TPS report cover.
28.Jacksonville Jaguars -- D'Angelo Williams RB Memphis-- After the Jaguars found out Fred Taylor's groin was made of papier-mâché they though the running back upgrade was essential.
29. New York Jets -- Darnell Bing S USC -- I can see the war room now.
Eric Mangini: Our team needs more bling.
Paul Tagliabue: With the 29th selection of the 2006 NFL Draft, the New York Jets select Darnell Bing from USC.
Mangina (I mean Mangini): I meant bling, not Bing, I meant bling.
30. Indianapolis Colts -- DeMeco Ryans OLB Alabama -- Just another person Peyton Manning can blame a late season collapse on.
31. Seattle Seahawks -- Gabe Watson DT Michigan -- After making the Super Bowl, the Seahawks decide to cut their losses and not draft on talent, but rather draft someone big enough to even out the weight distribution opposite Mike Holmgreen on the team bus.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers -- Brodie Croyle QB Alabama -- Sure they don't need a quarterback but there is tremendous upside knowing that Brodie Croyle's arm is just as bad as Ben Roethlesberger's.
Of course these first round predictions are merely hypothetically, so if it turns out that all 32 of them are wrong please do not take the time to e-mail me about what a bad mock draft this what. But, by all means if I get even most of these picks right feel free to leave a flowery comment about what a genius I am for not only coming up with what is undoubtedly the first mock draft in the history of the internet, but for an insightful one too.
Jon Gunnells is journalism junior at Michigan State University who knows Jay Cutler is not the answer. He can be reached at gunnells2@msu.edu.
