This article originally ran for the "Gunn Show" in April 2006

The old crumbling red brick row is chipping away as every moving car passes by Michigan and Trumbell. Weeds fill the sidewalks where vendors sold hot dogs for over 90 years, and the parking lot, usually accustomed to street vendors clad with min-bats and Tigers hats has long been emptied.

Nine years ago the white baseball mansion otherwise known as Tiger Stadium still carried the smell of hot dogs and the crack of wooden bats into the overhanging bleachers in right field.

A lot has changed since 1999 when the Detroit Tigers took to the hitter’s park for the last time.

            Old friends named Alan Trammel, and Kirk Gibson came back, and left, again. A singing hot dog vendor emerged, as did new landmarks of three story high prowling tigers, baseball bats, and a dolphin swimming on a building side overlooking the center field wall.

            As Comerica Park became christened as the new baseball Mecca in Detroit, Old Tiger Stadium with it's long Wrigley like concrete ramps, MLB pennants, and throwback Tigers logos was forgotten.

            Last week, Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick met with members of the Detroit City Council to discuss the future of one of baseball's most historic landmarks.

            After the meeting, ideas of demolition swirled and plans to turn the corner of Michigan and Trumbell into a shopping center, or another parking lot emerged.

            But is demolition for the future home of compact cars, or a Super K-Mart really the proper burial Tiger Stadium deserves?

            For nine decades Tiger Stadium was home to players like Ty Cobb, Hank Greenberg, Jack Morris and Al Kaline, home to Ernie Harwell, the '84 World Series champions and the culture of Detroit sports.

            Many advocates and Detroit baseball die-hards have created websites and lobbied to restore the building that was once home to so many great baseball memories and records.

            But without the man power or will to restore and maintain Detroit's most coveted sports landmark it is merely a lost cause.

            Instead of half-heartedly leading an effort to restore the now peeling and crumbling sports stadium, Mike Illitch and the Detroit Tigers organization need to give Tiger Stadium a proper burial by bringing back one more series to where baseball previously thrived.

            For just one weekend series, either this season or next, the Tigers should give the place a face lift and one last hoorah. They could play a division series against an old-rival, and bring back the old players to raise the excitement level of what would be an already historic weekend.

            They could pull the weeds, paint the chairs, and remove the tree that is growing in the outfield. They could bring back the vendors, the hat stands, and the old crowd that used to watch baseball back when baseball was America's pastime.

            Money shouldn't be an object. Never mind the fact that Detroit Tigers owner Mike Illitch is rolling in wads of cash from his other business ventures: Olympia Entertainment which encompasses Comerica Park, Joe Louis Arena, The Fox Theater, Hockeytown Cafe, Hockeytown Authentics, the Tigers, the Red Wings and so much more.

            Besides, fans young an old would no doubt eat the cost of an inflated admission ticket, or a hot dog and a box of Cracker Jack's just for a shot of that old time baseball nostalgia.

            The idea is feasible from an economical standpoint because it is certain baseball fans would still care enough to see one last home stand at the corner. In terms of man power and restoration efforts, the lobbyists would help because they already pushed to refurbish the tiring eye sore that hovers over Interstate-94.

            To the casual fan it may be over the top, but to long time, old fashioned baseball enthusiasts it's the proper send off Tiger Stadium has earned. After weekend series, turned Tigers celebrity alumni weekend party, mayor Kilpatrick can bulldoze the old white walled structure as soon as he can.

            Sure it will be sad. Sure it will signal the dawning of a new era for the corner of Michigan and Trumbell - an era that will either involve 24-hour one stop shopping, or five dollar easy out parking, but that's okay, because old Tiger Stadium will have gotten the it's ride into the sunset.

If someone told me back in May that on this day in September the Tigers would own a one game lead in the AL Central I probably would have had them institutionalized. But now here it is-September 18, and all my excitement has shifted elsewhere.

It's no that I'm not a Tigers fan- really I am - and I've been one before 2006. I can't even count how many classes I skipped or lectures I diregarded in the spring to focus on Tigers baseball-but since football season came around baseball doesn't seem as important.

I've always thought football was the greatest sport to follow-especially college, but now- even with the first Tigers pennant race of my era- I can't get excited over baseball.

If I someone could have harnessed the excitement I had back in April, maybe I'd actually care that  I have tickets for next Friday's game agains the Royals, one's I had hoped would enable me to see the Tig's capture their first playoff birth in 18 years. I should be excited that Tigers tickets go on sale tomorrow for the playoffs. We're talking ALDS, ALCS and World Series. But instead of dropping down $90 for a skybox seat in a potentail October matchup versus some pushover from the NL, I'm thinking I'd rather spend that money on a Michigan-Ohio State ticket- which is running anywhere from $500-$2,000 on Ebay right now. And it's only three games into the season!

This coming from a guy who has already spent $500 on two sets of season tickets. One for Michigan, one for Michigan State and a couple scattered games for Central Michigan, Boston College, Western and hopefully the Tennessee-LSU game later this season.

After all that, I don't know why I don't feel inclined to at least try for a World Series ticket. Especically since I paid for 16 seperate tickets to 16 games in 2004 at Comerica Park where the Tigers went 0-16, including two more losses against the White Sox during a July road trip.

Then again- I don't know anyone in their right mind who would go see the Tigers play to an 0-18 record if football season was going on which makes me think that even though the Tigers are sweet, and I'll be excited over them in April, Michigan football is where it's at in the fall.

Of course I haven't been able to say that in a while considering Michigan dropped it's previous six road openers leaving them out of the national title race befrore the thick of the Big Ten race. But now things are different. The win against Notre Dame proves that new defensive coordinator Ron English is on to something. His "Old English D" has me seeing shades of a 1997 team that led the nation in defense and subsequently defeated Washington State for a Rose Bowl win and share of the national title.

Michigan still has a few key matchups to go undefeated  into their rivalry match with Ohio State-Wisconsin being one of them. I will preview that later on this week-but now its time to watch the Tigers

 

In case you missed the first batch, here are some more headlines with an interesting anecdote that you is surely headline news in itself.

MYTH BUSTERS-A.J. Pierzynski proved today contrary to baseball fan's beliefs, putting your ear against Michael Barret's fist does not enable you to hear the ocean.

BOULEVARD OF BROKEN LEGS-Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro broke his leg during the Preakness Saturday ending his racing career and he will likely be put to sleep because he can no longer compete. In an unrelated story, Trent Dilfer should be thankful he is not in the business of horse racing or he would have been turned into glue a decade ago.

MICHIGAN MILLIONS-The University of Michigan Athletic department approved $226 million worth of stadium upgrades that would increase the Big House's capactiy by 750 seats. This comes just days after the Ohio State athletic department approved $226 million worth of salary cap growth for the Buckeyes football team for the 2006-2007 season.

FIVE FINGER DISCOUNT- The Associated Press has reported an 18-year-old teenager accused of stealing Walter Payton's Hall of Fame ring is being held in a Kane County correctional facility. The Associated Press failed to mention that Payton's old laptop computer was also stolen by the members of the Connecticut men's basketball team.

BEEP BEEP!- The Nextel Cup All-Star challenge was held tonight. The no points race changed formats this season. Instead of the first place finisher being awarded $1 million, the first racer to disable the annoying two-way beeping alert will be awarded $1 million and the Nobel Peace Prize for ending noise pollution.

Jon Gunnells is a journalism major at Michigan State University who seriously thinks Ohio State pays its football players. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu

     You wouldn't know it but sports current events news is all over the
radar this week not just around the gravitational pull of Barry Bonds'
head. Here are just a few of the stories that you may have missed this
week, with some interesting analysis that would even make a Duke
lacrosse or Northwester soccer player laugh.

No No Hitters- Not only has there been no perfect games since Randy
Johnson's perfect game two years ago, there as also been no- no
hitters. Part of this can be contributed to better fields which have
helped reduce errors and part of it can be contributed to Delmon
Young, who either hits the ball or hits the umpire with a bat.

All in the Family- Speaking of the Young family, Delmon's older
brother Dmitri announced Monday that he will turn himself into
Birmingham police on charges of aggravated assault stemming from an
April incident with his 21-year-old ex-girlfriend. Apparently Dmitri
had mistaken his significant other for a bag of pork rinds.

We're Going Streaking- A 5-3 win over Minnesota Thursday gave the
Detroit Tigers a seven game winning streak- their longest since 1993.
In an unrelated story, the Detroit Lions haven't won seven games since
1993.

Gauransheed? - There has been much talk lately about Rasheed Wallace
guaranteeing a win in game four over the Cavaliers. Since his bold
statements the Pistons have lost both games, and are trailing the
Cavaliers in the best of seven series 3-2. Some say it was a case of
'Sheed being a loud mouth, I just think it was a feable attempt to
take attention off of his ever-growing bald spot.

For Whom the Bell Tolls- Baltimore Orioles slugger Albert Belle was
arrested again this week on stalking charges. The judge has issued a
restraining order and required Belle to sit through the entire first
season of Bonds on Bonds.

Tressel Time- Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel has come to terms
with the Ohio State athletic department. Tressel will be paid $ 2.4
million more dollars this year, or 240,000 red sweater vests.

Get Cup Crazy- The 2006 World Cup rosters have been finalized and they
will involve 736 players ages 17-40 that you've never heard of.

Fault- Marco Ancic of Croatia defeated James Blake in three sets to
reach the Hamburg Masters quaterfinals earlier this week. Ten bucks
says he would have beaten Blake in two sets if he would have advanced
to the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburg Masters quaterfinals.

Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who
wonders how Ohio State can pay Jim Tressel and still stay under the
salary cap and pay the rest of its players. He can be reached at
gunnell2@msu.edu

     Its times like these that make me wish my apartment had a third television in the living room. Lost, the greatest television show on earth is on, and so is the big game. So while I will be watching Sawyer, Kate, John and Jack fight off the bearded island hermit, I will also be glancing to the other television where the best team in the league will be representing Detroit. On top of that, the Pistons are also playing the Cavaliers in a pivotal game five. So if you didn’t catch it the first time, that means I need a third television so I can watch the Pistons in addition to the Tigers and Lost.

     Now don’t get me wrong, I love the “Stones” and I’m glad they can represent the state well so I can give out of town bloggers a hard time, but come on the Tigers haven’t been this good since 1989. At this time in 1989 I wasn’t even four.

     There has to be a small minority of fans like myself, who care more about the Tigers than the Pistons, and to the majority we may seem insane, but at least we know what’s going to happen with the Pistons. Sure they struggled in Cleveland, but does anyone really think the best defensive team in the league won’t be able to stop LeBron for a third straight game? Me neither. The Pistons will finish off the Cavs in six games making my decision to watch another deep version of Lost much easier. Speaking of Lost, where does it rank among the best television shows on right now?

Here is my list of current favorites:

1. Lost

2. The Sopranos

 3. The Simpsons

4. Family Guy

5. Teachers (a great new show on NBC)

6. Curb Your Enthusiasm

     The thing about Lost is, it reads like a good book. Every episode ends like a chapter you just have to read again. But lost has taken television writing to a whole different level with interactive websites and all that jazz, so really, for me to skip that to watch the Pistons would be insane. Lets be honest, we know what’s going to happen in games five and six, but nobody knows where Walt is, or if they are going to fight the others. We also don’t know why Hurley hasn’t lost any weight, or why Michael shot Libby and Anna Lucia.

     The answers to these questions are what keep me up every night. Anyway, I think it is almost time to get myself in my body groove on the couch. Go Tigers, Go Pistons!

Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who is addicted to Lost. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu

     I knew from the long distance nature of the call that it had to be serious business, but I didn’t think it was going to be that serious.

            “Trammel’s the new skipper of the Tigers,” the caller said in a booming stadium announcer voice. “We’re going to win the pennant this year.”

            “I know,” I replied. “It looks like this is finally going to be our year.”

        Any well-seasoned Detroit Tigers fan would know “our” year has been a long coming. But, sports fans like my buddy Erik and I tend to act irrationally sometimes, especially at our immature age of twenty. Sure we live on our own, drive by ourselves and can eat cake for breakfast, which we still do, but it terms of sports knowledge a 20 year old kid is like negative three.

            We weren’t around to see George Brett’s pine tar incident, the Immaculate Reception or even the Miracle on Ice, but for some reason we still thought we were sports gurus.

            At our ignorant age, we believed Alan Trammel’s reemergence in the Motor City meant restoration of Tigers glory, glory that had been missing for since Kirk Gibson hit that long fly ball to win the World Series in 1984.

 

            Three years, and what seemed like three hundred losses later, the Tigers canned Trammel and Erik and I felt our own personal sense of defeat.

            What started off as the greatest front office move for the Tigers since the California Raisins were popular ended about as poorly as the War of the Worlds remake.

                        To make matters worse, this hadn’t been the first time we’d been let down by one of our favorite teams. See, Erik and I also whole heartedly root for the Lions, which in recent years has become a chore in itself.  

            Regardless, Erik and I still have a set of rules we follow.

            For instance, even though the Lions weren’t good enough to win the Big Ten Conference last year, we still root for them. There is no bandwagon silliness to be had on our watch; the team you’re born with is the team you die with, end of story. Erik and I have no tolerance for people who root for the team of the week.

            Erik and I also have zero tolerance for passive fans. You know the person from Boston who waited until after the 2004 World Series to buy their Red Sox hat and jersey. That’s the kind of thing that gets you shot if you live in L.A.

            We are increasingly fed up with those new Pistons fans, the ones who cheer for them now that they’ve won the title, but were too busy watching the Red Wings to notice the consistent 30-52 season’s Grant Hill was helping us stagger too.

            This is why Erik and I pour most of our heart and sole into rooting for home teams that involve claws. If you ask any sports fan over eighty, they’ll tell you that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

            Like the senior citizens, we believe baseball should be recognized as the national pastime while football is honored as a close second. Basketball and hockey should only be watched when the first too aren’t in season. Don’t even get us started on soccer or this WNBA ####.

            After high school, Erik moved to Tennessee so it became commonplace for us to enforce our unique set of sports rules over the phone.

Shortly after the ill-fated hire of Alan Trammel back in 2001, I received another phone call from Erik.

“Lion Time,” Erik yelled into the phone. “We’re going to the Super Bowl.”

“Yeah, I heard,” I said. “Steve Mariucci is a Lion, this year is going to be great.”

Of course, that’s the same thing Erik and I said when Marty Morningwheg came to town and Matt Millen, and Gary Moeller, and Bobby Ross, and so the story goes for both the Lions and the Tigers.

I don’t know if subconsciously we realize the Tigers and Lions will never satisfy us, but during our phone conversations, we truly believe our favorite teams can be champions. Maybe it’s an escape from reality. After all, not many people around us feel the Lions or Tigers are worthy of any praise. Personally, I hate those people. I hate them about as much as the people who think Candice Parker deserved to win the High School Dunk Contest a few years ago. Laying the ball up and grabbing the rim while closing your eyes for a split second does not take talent. Not to go off on a tangent or anything but my old high school swim coach can do that and he eats Taco Bell five times a week.

When it comes to sports philosophy Erik and I are of an old school breed.

                   Erik would step over his own mother to get a Lions Super Bowl Championship and a Tigers World Series title, and to be quite honest I’d step right over his mother too. Heck, as long as it meant post season action, I’d step over his Dad, his hot sister and Roy, his cat who was named after Roy Williams, one of the Lions receivers.

      However, considering the recent trends in Detroit for teams with mascots who have sharp teeth, a Lions or Tigers championship is unfathomable. In our lifetime, the Tigers have been to the playoffs once, and the Lions have only won one playoff game, which should be negated because they lost the next week by thirty five points. Meanwhile the Red Wings and Pistons have combined for six titles. Sure, it’s better than say, Chicago winning titles but honestly, we could care less. We’d gladly trade in the Red Wings and Pistons conference championships and league titles just for one crack at what we would consider a meaningful title.

That’s why when the Lions or the Tigers make a big free agent acquisition a trade, or sign a new coach, a phone call follows.

      It happened when Dre Bly signed with the Lions, when Placido Polanco was traded to the Tigers and when Matt Mantai signed by the Tigers AA affiliate this offseason. For those of you who aren’t fluent in sports, he’s the baseball version of the Backstreet Boys, he hasn’t done anything since 2001.

      Deep down, Erik and I believe these changes can lead our teams to the holy land. A Mecca for sports fans. But, months after every acquisition or trade, the result is the same, the Lions and the Tigers wind up in the cellar, and we end up dreaming once more about what could have been.

      Once again, this year’s off-season brought another long distance phone call from that familiar number from Tennessee.

      “Do you know what time it is?” the caller asked

      “Four thirty nine,” I replied as if I was unsure.

      “Nope, it’s Lion Time,” Erik yelled as he always does.

 “It’s Lion Time; we’re going to the Super Bowl,”

If we we’re in person Erik’s declaration of Lion Time would be followed by a powerful high five. More than likely Erik would be clad in his oversized blue sun glasses with gray and blue Lion shaped frames. But he’s not in person. And he’s said Lion Time or Tiger Time, hundreds of times before with the same expectation; The expectation that this year’s football or baseball seasons would be different than the last. We said it when Jim Leyland got hired, and Trammel, and Phil Garner even Buddy Bell, we got excited over a coach named Buddy.

      “Same ####, new year,” I said sadly into the phone.

Erik paused for a while I tried to pull out the best comeback he could

      “Well, he said. “They signed Mike Martz too, and the last time he was an offensive coordinator somewhere he won a title.”

      “Hey wasn’t Dre’ Bly on that team?” I asked.

      “Yep, it’s destiny” Erik said.

“Dude, you know what it is destiny,” I said.

“You know what else?” I said.

“It’s Lion Time.”

Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who has apparently inspired the Detroit Tigers. Since he wrote this, they have earned the best record in the MLB. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu

When Barry Bonds cranks out his record setting home run, someone has to catch it. Whoever does, will be the most powerful person in baseball ever.

Think about it. Assuming Barry eventually eclipses Babe Ruth’s 714 home runs, then Hank Aaron’s 755, someone has to come away with the ball. And Barry, Major League Baseball, and every wealthy sports memorabilia collector will pay top dollar for it.

Whoever this person may be, he or she should start considering his or her options because they impending decision could change the face of baseball forever.

Option 1: Keep the Ball and Sell it Back to Barry:

For anyone sports enthusiasts who have a soft spot for law-breakers or San Francisco Giants fans option one is the easiest choice. The ball sale could generate enough money to change someone’s life, and it would also ensure the ball return to it’s proper place, either Barry’s shrine, or a place in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Option 2: Throw it Back:

If there is any person in the world with enough cajones to throw the record setting ball back onto the field I would like to shake their hand. A throw back is baseball’s version of a slap in the face. I mean what better way to defend your team’s honor and make Barry feel unwelcome by throwing the ball back into the field of play. Sure throwing the ball back would cancel a chance at making millions off of selling the ball, but it would garner enough media attention that would make you famous, which could lead to money. But then again it isn’t all about money.

Option 3: Keep it:

It would be a once in a lifetime chance at getting a great sports collectable. But how anti-climactic would that be?

Option 4: The Truth:

If I were the one who caught Barry’s record blast I wouldn’t sell it for money, and I surely wouldn’t have the testicular fortitude to throw it back. Instead I would agree to give Barry the ball back after he tells the whole truth about everything including Victor Conte, Balco, the Clear, the Cream and all those other controversial performance enhancers. I would also make Barry tell the truth during a press conference where he would be sporting a Tommy LaSorda Dodgers jersey while washing my car.

Far fetched? Maybe, but my car needs cleaning up and so does this steroid controversy.

Chances are, the person who catches the home run ball wouldn’t dare throw it back. The one who grabs it will probably be some lucky fan who has dreamed of catching a home run or grabbing a foul ball. Heck, I know I have.

I just hope the person that catches it frequents my blog, then maybe baseball would have a saving grace. You may think it is foolishness on my part to think about the integrity of the game of baseball over money, but wouldn’t it be nice if things were that way?

Somewhere in this strange world of ours there is the small chance that the person who grabs that ball will either be rich and not need the money, or will have read this blog, and think twice about selling the ball right back to Uncle Barry.

I don’t care who catches Barry’s record setting home run ball, I just hope it someone who cares greatly about baseball.

Actually, on second thought, Barry in a Dodgers jersey washing my car sounds like a pretty good idea. I think I’ll go order some Giants tickets now.

#### End Note#### What would you do if you caught number 715, or 756? Would it all be about money? Or the game?

Jon Gunnells is journalism senior at Michigan State University who has never caught a home run, but plans to throw it back if it comes from the opposing team. He can be reached at Gunnell2@msu.edu

     If you did not catch a first glimpse of my list you can access it here. And while were on the subject of accessing archives check out my last blog containing my picks for the NGS II.

Now, on with the show…..

49. Blades of Steel is my favorite hockey video game.

48. Tecmo Super Bowl is my favorite video game of all time.

47. I think Penn State has some pretty cool football uniforms, but not Indiana.

46. I just ordered some kung pow chicken but the Asian restaurant gave me moo shu pork.

45. I really liked the Simpson’s episode where Homer meets Gerald Ford.

44. I’ve never seen the Red Wings win a hockey game in person, but I did see the Pistons beat the Bulls during the Jordan era.

43. I am perturbed by the fact that Tom Green now has a show on Disney.

42. I repeat Tom Green has a show on Disney.

41. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is one heckuva movie.

40. Rookie of the Year is a much better movie.

39. I’ve never caught a tee shirt from a tee shirt gun at a sporting event.

38. I’m not an efficient three point shooter.

37. I can probably run, bike or swim faster than you, but I won’t beat you in ice hockey, golf, or tennis.

36. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

35. Jerry Rice used to be my favorite football player, but now it’s Shaun Rogers.

34. I once hit a home run after a ground ball went under the first baseman’s legs. No it shouldn’t be scored as a single with three errors.

33. I haven’t scored a baseball game that I have attended but I scored a high school softball game for work.

32. I’m watching Soul Train right now. I definitely didn’t know it was still 1990.

31. I find the Dallas Mavericks offensive strategy to be exhausting.

30. I used to own a Brett Favre poster, not really sure why.

29. I used to be a huge hockey fan; I’m not really sure why that is.

28. I get the Canadian Broadcast Channel in my apartment, it has poor sports programming.

27. I’m getting really good at darts.

26. I don’t doubt NASCAR is a sport, but that also means go carting is a sport too.

25. I can’t bring myself to watch figure skating, fishing, bowling or boxing.

24. I can’t bring myself to watch the WNBA, if I wanted to see bounce passing, I’d watch a middle school basketball game.

23. Flag football is not a sport for real men.

22. I think rugby, lacrosse, and track and field are underrated.

21. I used to love WWF wrestling before I found out wrestling was fake.

20. I did not like the WCW at all, nor did I like Ric Flair. Woooo!

19. I can’t root for any teams in the AL that aren’t the Tigers.

18. The Patriots are my fall back plan when the Lions lose.

17. I’m not a bandwagon fan, I swear.

16. I don’t really like the Washington Redskins helmets, or Bobby Bowden in general.

15. I think Brewster’s Millions is a great sports movie.

14. I have a drawer full of dodgeball jerseys.

13. I am about an inch shy of being able to dunk a basketball.

12. My friends call me the hammer when we play volleyball.

11. I think the Tigers are going to win the pennant every year.

10. Sometimes I am delusional.

9. Pro-Stars with Wayne Gretzky, Bo Jackson and Michael Jordan was an underrated television show.

8. I don’t like Deion Sanders’ taste in suits.

7. Chris Berman is slowly starting to annoy me, but not as much as Stuart Scott.

6. I met Al Kaline, Craig Monroe, John Clayton and Chris Berman all in the same year. It was a good year.

5. I’m sad that Malcolm in the Middle is off the air. It was fox’s fault. They put it in a bad time slot.

4. Rocky Movies need to stop being made.

3. I believe there is no crying in baseball.

2. I wish the World Baseball Classic would have been more popular.

1. I can be really random when it comes to blogging about sports.            

Jon Gunnells is journalism senior at Michigan State University. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu

     Long live the days of unique sports team nicknames. The Western Kentucky Hilltoppers, the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Texas State Fightin’ Armadillos. Even if that last one is from a fictional sports movie, it's still more creative than most of the garbage we consider name-worthy nowadays. Mascots and team names nowadays are pretty much one in the same. If a team isn't named after a specific sock color or boring bird, it's named after a furry animal or a type of pirate.

  I understand some team names are historical, and others have lost their meaning over the years but some things are ridiculous. In the big four we have two teams sporting the nickname kings,  and at one point we had two named the jets. I'm even willing to bet that roughly one in six college teams are named the wildcats or cougars.

  If it were up to me, I would be implementing some sports nickname rules of my own, and making some serious changes.

 Rule No. 1- The team nickname must have something to do with the current state of team or the history of the geography of the team. For example: The Detroit Pistons, are from the motor city, hence the automobile themed name.

 Rule No. 2- If at all possible the team nickname should involve some alliteration by using the same beginning letter as the city or state it stands next to. This is commonly found in famous athletes names. Examples include: Hulk Hogan, Bubby Brister, and The Texas Tornado.

 

 Rule No. 3 - If the team does not have a rich history (we aren't talking about the Cowboys or Lakers) the name can be changed on a rotating basis, to fit the current mold of the franchise.

 Rule No. 4 - No more teams shall be named after animals with claws or sharp teeth.

 Rule No. 5 – Naming a team after celebrities to represent pitfalls is not only acceptable, but it is strongly encouraged. For example: The Miami Hurricanes, a team known for producing murderers, drug addicts and thugs could be the Darryl Strawberry All-Stars.

 Now onto some team name changes that have already begun to take shape in my scattered brain.

 In the NFL....

 The Houston Texans become the Texas Train Wrecks:

Houston we have a pone call over here, it's from a guy named Creativity. Yeah, he says something about you not being allowed to name your team after your state. This would be like having a football team named the Florida Floridians. The Texas Train Wrecks however, is a much more fitting name that includes alliteration while also describing the current situation of the Houston franchise. I can almost picture a logo now. There's a train driving recklessly into a an opponents stadium. And the conductor you ask? David Carr.

 The Detroit Lions become the Detroit Dodos:

Detroit gets a new nickname in the form of a flightless bird because as a franchise they have not gotten off the ground. The Dodo bird can also represent a cast of characters present in the Lions locker room over the years including Jeff Garcia, Joey Harrington, Charles Rogers, Matt Millen, and Mike Williams.

 In the MLB...

 The Atlanta Braves become the Atlanta Albatross:

The team ditches the potentially offensive Indian themed mascot for the Albatross who is known for many dominating bird feats. Like the Albatross, the team from Atlanta is found in the South, relatively close to the ocean. Still not convinced? Atlanta also has an impressive winning streak in the NL East and the Albatross has an impressive wingspan. The two are destined to be together. If you believe that I have some property in California to sell you.

 The San Diego Padres become the San Diego Stirrups:

In this politically correct world we live in today naming a team after a Spanish priest is not a good omen. A better way to go would be naming the team after a variety of leggings- and not that of the usual #### tube sock variety. Just think about the upcoming home game giveaways. I can see the first 10,000 kids lining up already for their chance at getting a pair of Dewon Brazleton replica stirrups.

In the NHL….

 The Boston Bruins become the Boston Bottomfeeders:

In the Bruins defense, Boston was the original Hockeytown. In everyone else’s defense, Boston still stinks.

 The Detroit Red Wings become the Detroit Dominators:

What the heck is a Red Wing anyway? Has anyone ever seen an actual Red Wing growing off the side of a chrome spoked rim with surrounding tire?  Neither have I. Besides, thirteen years of Western Conference (wait, no. Yeah. Western Conference) dominance couldn’t be wrong.

 In the NBA…           

 To be honest, when it comes to the NBA, or NCAA sports I haven’t thought of many useful changes other than eliminating the nickname wildcats all-together. My only other suggestion is moving the Atlanta Hawks to the West Coast so they could be renamed the Pacific Pac-Men to go along with their logo from the '80s.

 I’m sure if I have enough time though, I’ll be able to figure out some more good ones to add to this list. Then again that’s what I said about the anagram names a few months ago. And now, I’m honestly beginning to believe Eli Manning’s anagram name “Nailing Men,” will never be topped.

 Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who wishes Necessary Roughness was on TBS right now. But all they play is Down Periscope and reruns of the Drew Carey Show. Jon Gunnells can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu

     It’s been a busy time for me this week which is the main reason for my lack of blogging. A steady mix of helping out at high school track meets, taking finals, and getting hit in he head by Delmon Young’s thrown bat has kept me out of action for a while, but it can’t keep me down forever.

Sports commercials have it rock bottom: I saw this Gatorade commercial the other day showing soccer clips while to the tune of Take me out to the Ball Game, now if that is not blasphemy I do not know what is. I’ll leave it to you guys, the readers, to decide if soccer even has a legitimate place in sports because the argument has been exhausted on me thus far. I argue with my roommates on a daily basis about how much better baseball is than soccer, but most the time it ends up with me trying to hit someone. It’s bad enough that I have had to deal with soccer being hyped up as “the next great sport” for the last 15 years, but now that it’s being involved with a historic part of the baseball, I’m enraged. At this point, I despise soccer more than the WNBA, which should be saying a lot, because if I wanted to see bounce passing, I’d go watch a middle school intramural game.

The kid is not cringing because he got sweat in his eyes, he's cringing because his parents make him choose between playing soccer or watching the WNBA.

The Red Wings falter once more: For the third time in four seasons the Wings have been taken down in the first round of the NHL playoffs. This, after having the best record in the NHL. Some may say the Wings can now hit the links, but considering their age, I bet they all go down to their condo’s in Florida.

John Daly and Charles Barkley are morons: But it isn’t like you didn’t know that already. When I first saw Daly’s name in the newspaper I figured it had something to do with his reality show. You know the one where he drinks beer and swears for 30 minute segments on the golf channel. Daly claims to have lost 50-60 million dollars in gambling over the years which is absurd considering Daly never wins any money in major tournaments. I believe Daly lost that much money about as much as I believe Charles Barkley is still in good shape.

"I weigh how much now"

In the land of commercials Whopper is king: Leave it to me to bring up commercials in my first four rants but has anyone seen their new spot. Thousands of men cheering on manly acts while eating outrageous sized burgers is truly a brilliant brain child. It’s lack of commercials like this that keeps me away from McDonald’s wacky advertisements featuring nocturnal D.J.’s and rollerblading basketball players. Seriously rollerblading basketball players? Are you kidding me? You would have to get the Cha-Ching from Rally’s circa 1990 to sell me anything that comes from McDonald’s.

The NBA Playoffs are outrageous: By comparison, the regular season was a terrible intro to round one, which is why I didn’t watch much of it. I did the same thing concerning hockey. I mean what’s the difference you know what’s going to happen. Larry Brown is going to be the center of attention, Kevin Garnett will be ostracized for doing something or another wrong. Kobe will be loved, then hated, then loved some more, then snubbed, all while a shaggy haired point guard wins another MVP award. And not to get off the subject or anything but the Wendy’s commercials aren’t too good either. They really need to bring Dave Thomas back.  I mean I know he is dead, but if Tupac can release three albums after his death, Dave Thomas could do a cameo for the square burgers again. Really though why the square burger? You know if I wanted to poke my eye out, I'd just fall on a rusty nail. Thanks.

Jon Gunnells is journalism senior at Michigan State University, who is appalled at the poor level of fast food advertising on television. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu.

            For most sports enthusiasts, this past Saturday was a time to reflect on the NFL Draft, and maybe catch a glimpse of the NHL or NBA playoffs, but for Detroit sports fans it was sports lineup that may never be topped.

12:00 p.m. NFL Draft -- ESPN

1:05 p.m. Detroit Tigers vs. Minnesota Twins -- Fox Sports Net

1:05 p.m. NCAA Baseball double header: Michigan State vs. Michigan  - Comcast Local

3:00 p.m.  NHL  Playoffs: Detroit Red Wings vs. Edmonton Oilers-- NBC

                        8:00 p.m.  NBA Playoffs: Detroit Pistons vs. Milwaukee Bucks – ESPN

11:55 a.m. – Here we go, thirteen hours of pure sports brilliance broadcast on four different networks on two different televisions, if only every American were lucky enough to have as much free time as me.

12:00 p.m. – Nothing like getting the sports television marathon started with Chris Berman and Mel Kiper who will spend the next seven hours acting like football robots.

12:11 p.m. - I hate to be the fashion police but it looks like Vince Young and Reggie Bush are dressed for the pimp daddy convention not the NFL Draft.

12:39 p.m. - And the Aaron Rogers award for biggest draft day flop goes to Matt Leinart of the USC Trojans.

1:07 p.m. – Vernon Davis is crying. I would be too if I was just drafted by the San Francisco 49ers and Alex Smith was going to be my quarterback.

1:14 p.m.- The Raiders just drafted Michael Huff. I’m going to cut myself.

1:17 p.m.- I’ve just gotten three phone calls since the Raiders stole the Lions only good defensive option. All my friends are calling for Leinart = Lion Hart draft pick. This could be a blessing in disguise.

1:22 p.m.- Carlos Guillen hits harder than the bass at Snoop Dogg concert. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s a 2-run home run giving the Tigers a 2-0 lead, and giving Guillen 7 RBI in the last four at bats.

1:26 p.m. - Donte Whitner to the Bills at No.8 are you kidding me? It's decisions like this that lost Marv Levy four straight Super Bowls.

1:34 p.m.- Nothing like passing up a two time national championship quarterback for a injury prone linebacker from Florida State. Congratulations Ernie Sims your football career is officially over.

1:37 p.m. – Phone call from my buddy Erik: “We suck again; Ernie Sims is a walking concussion.” Could be a good ploy by the Lions though, getting a guy who is so roughed up in the noggin, he won’t realize he’s player for the dumbest general manager in all of sports.

1:42 p.m.- The Arizona Cardinals are officially for real. Leinart, Boldin, Fitzgerald, Edgerin James. Look out NFC East.

1:43 p.m. – Tigers rookie centerfielder Curtis Granderson just smashed a 2-run shot to left field. Tigers 5, Twinkies 0.

1:47 p.m. – Guillen now has a pair of twin killings that’s another Tigers 2-run home run, and 9 RBI in 5 at bats.

1:49 p.m. – This is me pre-ordering my Detroit Tigers World Series tickets. You know if the playoffs started today they would have the Wild Card.

1:54 p.m. – Next Monday is Pudge Rodriguez growth poster giveaway night at Comerica Park. I wonder if the SBC Park has a Barry Bonds Human Growth Hormone poster giveaway night.

2:28 p.m. - Looks like I dozed off there for a short while. No matter. I could take a seven hour nap and the Tigers would still be cranking home runs, the score is 11-0 now.

2:32 p.m. - With the 15^th pick in the 2006 NFL Draft the St. Louis Rams select Ty Hildenbrandt, Cornerback from Clemson. Great first the competition, and now he gets drafted before me.

2:34 p.m. - Whoops my bad. That was Tye Hill, not Hildenbrandt. See I knew I’d be drafted first.

2:45 p.m. – Phone is ringing. Must be the Kansas City Cheifs calling to say they’re drafting me.

2:48 p.m. – Nope, just my mom.

2:58 p.m.- Guillen and the Tigers are up 13-1 now and I think I figured out why. Their batting coach is named Don Slaught. What better way to lead an offensive onslaught than with a coach named Don Slaught. This would be like having a race car driver named Acceleration McGhee.

3:01 p.m. – The game five match up between the Red Wings and the Oilers is about to get underway and the Tigers are only in the sixth inning. We need a third television.

3:10 p.m.- Ohio State players are flying off the board quicker than a hoagie fly’s out of John Kruk’s fridge. All the Buckeye player highlights are against Michigan State. I’m waiting for the John L. Smith sound byte to come on.

“THE KIDS ARE PLAYING THEIR TAILS OFF AND THE COACHES ARE SCREWIN’ IT UP.”

3:17 p.m. – The last sound you hear before muting the television showing the NFL draft is “click- clack.” These Under Armour commercials are more annoying than those tools from the Applebee’s spots.

3:25 p.m. – Bases loaded for the Tigers. Craig Monroe is going to lead us to the promised land, and Justin Verlander is the greatest pitcher ever.

3:29 p.m. – Does Merril Hodge realize how bad his pink shirt looks with a tan suit and tie. Someone get Jeff Garcia over there to give some fashion tips.

3:35 p.m.- Tamba Hali’s highlight reel is also full of clips versus MSU, great representation team. Go Green.

3:37 p.m.- Bases loaded again. I’m like a kid in a candy store.

4:18 p.m. – The Oilers just scored a goal at the same time the Giants traded the 25^th overall pick. I think this is a big government conspiracy. Grassy knoll.

4:20 p.m. – Through about four and a half hours of non-stop sports indulgence the highlight is not the 18 runs put up by the Tigers but the Visa commercial with the break dancing worm.

4:25 p.m.-There’s another goal. Oil Embargo 2, Red Wings 0

4:30 p.m. - Oil spot in my driveway 3, Wings 0. I need a drink.

4:49 p.m.- Brendan Shannahan just scored what is probably his first playoff goal in about 13 years, I hope he feels less dead inside now.

5:25 p.m.- The kooky Applebee’s singers just got the Gilligan’s Island theme song stuck in my head.

5:33 p.m. – “The professor and Mary Anne, here on Gilligan’s Island!”

5:35 p.m. – New England just drafted Chad Jackson. These guys never seem to make a bad pick.

5:40 p.m. – You know what I haven’t had in a while? Big League Chew.

5:55 p.m. – The 7-11 down the street does not sell big league chew, but they do have beef jerky that sits in a tin like the adult form of big league chew. Classy.

5:58 p.m. – After pulling their goalie and getting another skater on the ice Henrik Zetterberg drilled a shot from the point to make the score 3-2 in Edmonton’s favor. Too little too late.

6:00 p.m.- The only thing worse than the Wings game five loss is Jimmy Williams’s mutton chops. What did shaving go out of style?

6:05 p.m.- White Men Can’t Jump is on TNT, today’s television lineup just gained a bunch of cool points.

6:19 p.m.- There’s an MLS game on EPSN 2, today’s television lineup just lost all of it’s cool points.

6:24 p.m -The Lions just drafted Daniel Bullocks from Nebraska. But before he could step up to the podium the Michigan Football team rushed the field. Just kidding, Michigan doesn’t cheat like that.

6:27 p.m.- Speaking of Michigan, that baseball doubleheader is going strong. Michigan leads MSU 4-2 in the 5^th inning right now which is too bad because one of my former roommates is pitching now for the Spartans.

6:37 p.m.- I really thought he could have gotten the Spartans the win, I mean he is on the juice. No really, he’s on Vitamin C pills called the juice.

6:41 p.m.- LenDale White just got drafted to the tune of a shirt that says Chauncey Billups got robbed. That’s right. Hatin’ MVP voters be actin’ a fool.

8:28 p.m.- That’s definitely a post dinner induced coma. I just missed the Lions third round pick and the beginning of the Pistons game.

8:39 p.m. - How come whenever I wake up from a day time nap I feel messed up like I just ate too much sugar, or ate a whole block of cheese for dinner again? Now I know how Ernie Sims feels after a concussion.

8:36 p.m.- An ultra delayed text message informs me that Brian Calhoun is the newest Lion. Yay! Now we have three backup running backs not capable of taking the burden off of injury prone Kevin Jones or mediocre quarterback Jon Kitna.

9:00 p.m.- Sorry, no real updates to be had here. The Pistons are not making a good sports day of this at all.

10:56 p.m. – Chalk one up in the loss column for the Pistons who just got dropped by the Bucks by 20 points. It’s a different era in Detroit when the Lions and the Tigers had a better day than the Pistons.

     If you count the few hours I slept for, it’s a total of 11 hours of pure Detroit sports coverage. Sure Matt Millen screwed up the draft as always and the Pistons and Red Wings got beat by teams they were better than, the point is the Tigers won, and my phone is once again ringing, meaning the Patriots are probably trying to call about my impending multi-million dollar contract.

Jon Gunnells is a journalism junior at Michigan State University who seriously declared for the NFL draft like two years ago. If you're an NFL team, you can reach him at gunnell2@msu.edu

Welcome to The Gunn Show where the Knicks jokes are always free

In this technological blogging age we live in, everyone seems to be a sports expert, a writing expert, or in my case a combination of both. Non-bloggers may question my credibility as a journalist due to my lack of interviews, or use of spell check. To put the doubters in their place today, I would like to bring “The Gunn Show’s” first interview to the internet. Ladies and gentleman please welcome Tigers fanatic and super-analyst Todd Hallack.

Q: Since we live in the internet age, everyone seems to think they are an expert on blogging or sports writing, even though they are not. What makes you a credible, knowledgeable, Detroit Tigers fan fit to discuss the Tigers on a prestigious blog like The "Gunn" Show?

A: Well I have been a fan ever since the 1984 World Series team that went 104-58 even though I was born on February 23 1985. Actually the Tigers are my favorite Detroit team, even though they haven't had a winning season since 1993. I watch almost every Tigers game and when they are 20 games back with only 10 games to play I still feel that they will win the division

Q: So basically not only are you a true fan, you’re also slightly delusional?

A: Yeah pretty much.

Q: Out of curiosity who did you vote for in the NGS 1?

A: Ty Hildenbrandt.

Q: So you voted for Ty huh? Even though the creator of "The "Gunn" Show is your roommate? Why is that?

A: That’s because of your Feb. 4th post where you said that Michigan should be a #4 seed. After that you lost all of your credibility.

Q: Interesting, although may I point out I did get all the No. 1 seeds correct. Besides its not my fault Dion Harris’s ankle is made from cardboard. Moving on Even though Rondell White isn't a Detroit Tiger, do you think Rondell White Power would be an appropriate nickname for him?

A: No. In fact I think the only appropriately nicknamed Tiger is Dmitri “Meathook” Young who earned his name after he gouged someone’s eye out with a meat hook. Also I’d like to take this opportunity to mention Rondell White’s birthday is the same day as mine.

Q: You know my birthday is the same day as Hillary Duff’s, some say that makes us destined to be together, what do you think?

A: I think you need to start aiming lower.

Q: Like Kansas City Royals lower, or Lindsay Lohan “I look like an anorexic crack addict lower?”

A: More like 1972 Tampa Bay Buccaneers lower.

Q: EEEEEEEE.If you could compare the impact Todd Jones’s facial hair has had on facial hair in the MLB to say, some famous facial hair from history who would compare it to. General Burnside? Or President Lincoln?

A: General Burnside, anyone can grow a beard. What Burnside and Jones grow takes real talent.

Q: Lets pretend for a moment that you chose Lincoln in order to help me segue to my next question better. Do you think Jones can emancipate the Tigers from the A.L. cellar?

A: I predict that Jones will lead the American League in saves and help the Tigers break their losing season streak. Also in a wild twist, Jones will start wearing a doo rag and wearing his hat to the side a la Fernando Rodney.

Q: What about bling? Do you see Todd Jones donning any major bling around his neck like Fernando Rodney, or Flava Flave?

A: Yeahhhh Boyyyyyyyy!!!

Q: Alright last question cause we're running out of time here.... give me a prediction in terms of wins and losses and division standing for the Tigers. Do you think they have a shot at the Wild Card?

A: So far the Tigers are on pace for 100 wins and I am going to say that they are going to throw away a few of those wins and end up with 95 wins and 67 losses and WIN the Central Division. Now I know people will be saying what was he thinking and I know I say this every year but, this is their year.

Alright this concludes another poignant yet not credible interview by “The Gunn Show,” next week we’ll speak with current Knicks coach Larry Brown’s cable guy and the person who used to wear a pair of Jordan shoes.