Two must be worth at least double!!!!!

 

And  three pictures are worth a whole bunch more!!!!

 

Thanks also to NEED FOR SHEED.COM  for this lovely cartoon.

 

Some thoughts on game three of the Eastern Conference championship between the Miami Heat and the Detroit Pistons….

What is Tom Brady doing rooting for the Heat?

     My friend and Lions insider Ramsey were appalled tonight when we saw Tom Brady rooting for the Miami Heat. I thought this guy was a Michigan Man? And all this time we’ve been rooting for him as a Patriot under the pretense that he was one of us? Tom Brady has bandwagon fan written all over him.

      So let’s break it down. Brady’s from California, but he played ball in Michigan, and now he plays ball in New England. Abiding by the normal rules of sports allegiances Brady is allowed to root for the following basketball teams: The Celtics, the Pistons, the Clippers the Golden State Warriors, the Sacramento Kings, or the Los Angeles Lakers. That’s a pretty nifty bunch of teams in there including some good historical teams and current teams that in no way involve the Heat. Sorry Tom, you are a bandwagon fan. I better not see you rooting for the Tigers come October.

And what’s the deal with Usher?

Why is Usher attending Miami Heat games when he owns the Cleveland Cavaliers? It obviously didn’t work when he cheered against the Pistons in the last round so why try it this round while you’re wearing a pink shirt? Come on Usher, you’ve almost reached Lil’ John intolerable “I carry around a crunk cup” status. Simmer down.

I don’t know what is worse in the series the constant hack-a-Shaq, or bump-a-Ben campaigns or the announcers.

      Late in the fourth quarter after Pat Riley instructed his players to foul Ben Wallace away from the ball twice in a row, Hubie Brown starts talking about how it is a great sign of strategy and gamesmanship.

     How in the world is fouling a known poor free throw shooter good gamesmanship Hubie? It’s the exact opposite. I don’t agree with hacks on poor shooter when he has the ball or doesn’t. The Pistons are notorious for hacking, and although I am a huge fan, I don’t agree with their actions.

   Oil slick Riley took it a step further today fouling "Big Ben"when the Heat  was up ten points. I mean where do you draw the line? This type of action may be part of the game but it is unethical and it falls into the gray area of sports.

   I tried to think of a comparison of a similar ethical dilemma in another sport but all I could think of is walks in baseball, but that can’t compare, because a walk actually gets you somewhere, but a free throw isn’t guaranteed.

    Shaq and "Big Ben" shouldn’t be missing all this free throws, but they shouldn’t be sent to the foul line too often either. I think overall the foul on purpose gig may be a good strategy but it is wrong and it paints the wrong picture. As a national announcer for ABC, Hubie Brown should realize this not as gamesmanship, but as poor sportsmanship.

The Pistons do not impress me.

Too many turnovers and too many minutes for people like Tony Delk. If any guards are coming off the bench it should be Hunter and Delfino in that order. Delk isn’t a consistent shooter, he has a terrible turnover to assist ratio and he drives worse than a Adobe.

 

   I’m sorry to say this but I am not a witness, because what I saw the last five games were not the Cavaliers playing championship caliber basketball, it was the Pistons playing college caliber basketball.

     Call it cockiness, call it confidence, call it what you will, but I like to call it the swagger of a champion. It’s the same swagger the Yankees and Red Wings have ever year when they go down in flames, and it’s the same championship swagger the Lakers had in 2004 when they nearly got swept by the Pistons in the NBA Finals.

     Even with that championship swagger on the faces and in the minds of the Pistons, don't expect history to repeat itself.

     In the first seven quarters of the Cavs-Stones series the Pistons put to sleep any notion that LeBron James would do what Michael Jordan couldn't in his first try-beat the Bad Boys. Since then however, the Pistons offense looked like it needed an oil change. Scoring under 85 points each of the last three games, the usually supercharged Pistons are now idling, and relying solely on their defense to win games.

     Granted the Cavaliers are playing above themselves and King James is at the epicenter of their battles, but still, the Pistons are hardly playing like the heart-of-"stea"l champions we've come to known over the last three years.

     The talking heads of sports talk shows and newspapers are already speaking of the King reigning the Eastern Conference playoff castle but, the anguish in the Pistons eyes tells me that it's a little early to call this thing.

The Players Have Heart:

     The problem many of the perennial powerhouses in other sports face is that many of their players have already won championships. This is the case with the Red Wings and the Yankees. There isn't much difference with the Pistons except for the role player Antonio McDyess. TNT captured a great outro to their game five telecast zooming in on the anguished face of Antonio McDyess. The shot which seemed to last for about 10 minutes showed that the "Dice Man" is not ready to call it quits, and while other teammates have won their titles, it doesn't mean they are ready to mail it in either.

     Each and every Pistons player still has something to prove. Rasheed Wallace has to prove that his loud mouth guarantee didn't jinx his team. He also owes his team a big game performance after his defensive lapse against Robert Horry in last years finals basically led to another Spurs championship.

     Although he'll never be chosen as the league MVP, Billups needs to prove that he deserves to be mentioned as a candidate. Billups is known as Mr. Big Shot but they don't call him that for heaving up ill-advised three pointers with three minutes remaining in a close playoff game. Billups is better than that. I know it, you know it, and LeBron James knows it. It's just about proving it.

     Ben Wallace needs to prove that he has the work ethic and determination to help his team win another close playoff battle after he basically cost them the game with two missed free throws late in game five. And let’s not forget the coach who has worked so hard, but never won a title. Wouldn’t it be nice if his team could flip the switch and put themselves into playoff overdrive?

Playoff struggles:

During their three year Eastern Conference dominance the Pistons have had their share of slip-ups in the playoffs. In 2005, it took the Pistons six games to defeat the Pacers before winning a seven game series in the Eastern Conference finals. In the conference semi-finals in 2003, the Pistons took a 2-0 series lead over the Nets before losing three straight. Facing elimination the Pistons defense took over, and won the series, and later, the NBA Championship. And how can we forget 2002, when it took the Pistons seven games to defeat the downtrodden Orlando Magic.

Sure the Cavaliers are better than the Magic, but are they better than the 2003 Nets team that gave the Pistons fits? Or the 2005 Heat and Pacers teams which also held leads over the heavily favored Pistons? The answer is an emphatic no. The Pistons have trailed or been tied in just about every playoff series since 2003. Each and every time they have battled back in the clutch and won key games.

      Don’t get me wrong, LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers are a good basketball team, but they aren’t a championship caliber team, which means if they beat the Pistons it will be because the Pistons didn’t play well, not because the Cavaliers played well. But maybe that’s just the championship swagger of a fan talking.

      In any case, after game five Wednesday Billups repeatedly told reporters he isn't concerned that the Pistons are down 3-2 in the series and facing elimination. I've watched enough Pistons basketball the past few seasons to know, if Billups isn't concerned, that's good enough for me.

 

            Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who is not a Witness. He can be reached at gunnell@msu.edu

     You wouldn't know it but sports current events news is all over the
radar this week not just around the gravitational pull of Barry Bonds'
head. Here are just a few of the stories that you may have missed this
week, with some interesting analysis that would even make a Duke
lacrosse or Northwester soccer player laugh.

No No Hitters- Not only has there been no perfect games since Randy
Johnson's perfect game two years ago, there as also been no- no
hitters. Part of this can be contributed to better fields which have
helped reduce errors and part of it can be contributed to Delmon
Young, who either hits the ball or hits the umpire with a bat.

All in the Family- Speaking of the Young family, Delmon's older
brother Dmitri announced Monday that he will turn himself into
Birmingham police on charges of aggravated assault stemming from an
April incident with his 21-year-old ex-girlfriend. Apparently Dmitri
had mistaken his significant other for a bag of pork rinds.

We're Going Streaking- A 5-3 win over Minnesota Thursday gave the
Detroit Tigers a seven game winning streak- their longest since 1993.
In an unrelated story, the Detroit Lions haven't won seven games since
1993.

Gauransheed? - There has been much talk lately about Rasheed Wallace
guaranteeing a win in game four over the Cavaliers. Since his bold
statements the Pistons have lost both games, and are trailing the
Cavaliers in the best of seven series 3-2. Some say it was a case of
'Sheed being a loud mouth, I just think it was a feable attempt to
take attention off of his ever-growing bald spot.

For Whom the Bell Tolls- Baltimore Orioles slugger Albert Belle was
arrested again this week on stalking charges. The judge has issued a
restraining order and required Belle to sit through the entire first
season of Bonds on Bonds.

Tressel Time- Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel has come to terms
with the Ohio State athletic department. Tressel will be paid $ 2.4
million more dollars this year, or 240,000 red sweater vests.

Get Cup Crazy- The 2006 World Cup rosters have been finalized and they
will involve 736 players ages 17-40 that you've never heard of.

Fault- Marco Ancic of Croatia defeated James Blake in three sets to
reach the Hamburg Masters quaterfinals earlier this week. Ten bucks
says he would have beaten Blake in two sets if he would have advanced
to the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburg Masters quaterfinals.

Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who
wonders how Ohio State can pay Jim Tressel and still stay under the
salary cap and pay the rest of its players. He can be reached at
gunnell2@msu.edu

     Its times like these that make me wish my apartment had a third television in the living room. Lost, the greatest television show on earth is on, and so is the big game. So while I will be watching Sawyer, Kate, John and Jack fight off the bearded island hermit, I will also be glancing to the other television where the best team in the league will be representing Detroit. On top of that, the Pistons are also playing the Cavaliers in a pivotal game five. So if you didn’t catch it the first time, that means I need a third television so I can watch the Pistons in addition to the Tigers and Lost.

     Now don’t get me wrong, I love the “Stones” and I’m glad they can represent the state well so I can give out of town bloggers a hard time, but come on the Tigers haven’t been this good since 1989. At this time in 1989 I wasn’t even four.

     There has to be a small minority of fans like myself, who care more about the Tigers than the Pistons, and to the majority we may seem insane, but at least we know what’s going to happen with the Pistons. Sure they struggled in Cleveland, but does anyone really think the best defensive team in the league won’t be able to stop LeBron for a third straight game? Me neither. The Pistons will finish off the Cavs in six games making my decision to watch another deep version of Lost much easier. Speaking of Lost, where does it rank among the best television shows on right now?

Here is my list of current favorites:

1. Lost

2. The Sopranos

 3. The Simpsons

4. Family Guy

5. Teachers (a great new show on NBC)

6. Curb Your Enthusiasm

     The thing about Lost is, it reads like a good book. Every episode ends like a chapter you just have to read again. But lost has taken television writing to a whole different level with interactive websites and all that jazz, so really, for me to skip that to watch the Pistons would be insane. Lets be honest, we know what’s going to happen in games five and six, but nobody knows where Walt is, or if they are going to fight the others. We also don’t know why Hurley hasn’t lost any weight, or why Michael shot Libby and Anna Lucia.

     The answers to these questions are what keep me up every night. Anyway, I think it is almost time to get myself in my body groove on the couch. Go Tigers, Go Pistons!

Jon Gunnells is a journalism senior at Michigan State University who is addicted to Lost. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu

     Over the past week, the talking heads of sports journalism have debated over who deserved the 2006 NBA MVP award in the newspapers, on the radio and all over the internet. The MVP controversy even appeared at the NFL Draft this past Saturday when former USC running back LenDale White donned a Chauncey Billups tee-shirt with the phrase "got robbed" scripted on the chest.

     While some defend the  decision to give Phoenix guard Steve Nash his second straight award, fans and analysts continue to lobby for the likes of Kobe Bryant, Dirk Nowitzki, LeBron James and White's cousin, Billups.

---

Why Nash deserved the MVP: Behind 18.8 points, and 10.5 assists per game, Nash’s numbers topped even that of Chauncey Billups. With injuries to superstar teammates, Nash helped dictate the tempo of the Sun’s games in a teammate- friendly, pass-first based offense. He improved his stats from last season, when he also won the MVP award.

 

Why Nash didn’t deserve the MVP: Based on pure stats, Nash may not be the quintessential league MVP- he’s probably closer to third banana.  While he edged out Billups by the narrowest of margins in points and assists, he couldn’t touch Billups or his three point swagger. In April Billups destroyed Nash for 35 points and five assists, and four rebounds. That same day, Nash only mustered 13 points. Nash also averaged 17 points less per game than Kobe while only tallying six more assists per game. His six more assists per game would all have been needed to be converted in the form of three pointers for his offensive output to surpass that of Kobe’s.

Why Billups deserved the MVP: Unlike his hair, his points per game (18.5) and assists (8.6) stacked up pretty well against Nash. His on court leadership and three point prowess helped the Pistons become invincible at certain points of the season. In a game earlier this spring, Billups scored 11 points in a little over a minute to secure a come from behind win against the Grizzlies. It wasn’t always pretty jumpers and fancy passes, but it was always consistent through the lane, from the line and behind the arc. His 4.1 assists to turnover ratio is probably the most telling stat of all.

Why Billups didn’t deserve the MVP:  His offensive numbers were even further away from Kobe’s than Nash’s and even though his division was deeply talented, the rest of the Eastern Conference was not. Much of Billups’s success can be attributed to his four starting teammates who are  arguably better than any supporting cast on any other team. Reliable back up guards also made it possible for Billups to get the rest he needed, so he could shine in crunch time. Kobe, Dirk, Nash and LeBron did not share that luxury.

Why Kobe deserved the MVP: He took an irregular cast of underachieving characters and turned them into a 45 win team. In case you missed it he averaged 35 points a game and earned his second straight scoring title. He also dropped 81 points on the Toronto Raptors. Some people label him as a ball hog but he also averaged 4.5 assists per game, the second most on the Lakers. Besides, what is he supposed to do, roll over and let his team lose to the bottom feeding Raptors?

Why Kobe didn’t deserve to win the MVP: He had no viable options around him which raised his scoring output and made his offensive accomplishments look  much better. He got suspended for a few games mid-season which translated into two losses for the Lakers. MVP’s don’t do that.

Why Dirk deserved to win the MVP: Although there really aren’t stats to show it, his defense drastically improved while his offensive stats stayed in place. Even with a long, awkward last name,  Dirk averaged over 26 points and nine rebounds per game – the most rebounds of the bunch. His offensive output topped that of Nash and Billups even among a starting five that all averaged over 10 points per game.

Why Dirk didn’t deserve to win the MVP: His offensive counterparts were arguably as productive as the Pistons starters at some points. In terms of points per player, Dirk’s next five options were better scorers than that of Billups. His 2.8 assists per game, were nothing to write home about.

Why LeBron deserved to win the MVP:  In terms of individual impact, nobody has had a greater affect on his teammates than King James. His overall athletic ability cannot be rivaled by Dirk, Nash or Billups. His 31.4 points, seven rebounds and six assists per game gives him the second best complete stat line of the bunch. More importantly, his team probably wouldn’t be in the playoffs without him. The same cannot be said about Dirk, Nash and Billups.

Why LeBron didn’t deserve to win the MVP: His assist to turnover ratio is only half that of Billups, and his teammates lent a strong helping hand when it comes to scoring. The clutch factor was also not in the King’s favor this season. According to 82games.com, LeBron was 3 for 17 on game winning shots this season, well below some of the league leaders like Carmello Anthony.

 

---

      As you can see, a case can be made, or not made, for any one of the five best NBA players of the 2005-2006 season. No certain player excelled in every category and no certain player wasn’t the best in a unique way. Since they each brought a different style of play into a different team environment the only way to truly judge the league MVP, would be to pull a switch-a-roo, but obviously that will never happen. The talking heads of sports journalism can argue until they are blue in the face, but as far as far as Dirk, LeBron, Nash, Billups and, Kobe go, there was no clear cut winner or loser.

 

Jon Gunnells is a journalism junior at Michigan State University who thinks Kobe should have gotten the nod for the MVP award just because his nickname is Mamba. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu

            For most sports enthusiasts, this past Saturday was a time to reflect on the NFL Draft, and maybe catch a glimpse of the NHL or NBA playoffs, but for Detroit sports fans it was sports lineup that may never be topped.

12:00 p.m. NFL Draft -- ESPN

1:05 p.m. Detroit Tigers vs. Minnesota Twins -- Fox Sports Net

1:05 p.m. NCAA Baseball double header: Michigan State vs. Michigan  - Comcast Local

3:00 p.m.  NHL  Playoffs: Detroit Red Wings vs. Edmonton Oilers-- NBC

                        8:00 p.m.  NBA Playoffs: Detroit Pistons vs. Milwaukee Bucks – ESPN

11:55 a.m. – Here we go, thirteen hours of pure sports brilliance broadcast on four different networks on two different televisions, if only every American were lucky enough to have as much free time as me.

12:00 p.m. – Nothing like getting the sports television marathon started with Chris Berman and Mel Kiper who will spend the next seven hours acting like football robots.

12:11 p.m. - I hate to be the fashion police but it looks like Vince Young and Reggie Bush are dressed for the pimp daddy convention not the NFL Draft.

12:39 p.m. - And the Aaron Rogers award for biggest draft day flop goes to Matt Leinart of the USC Trojans.

1:07 p.m. – Vernon Davis is crying. I would be too if I was just drafted by the San Francisco 49ers and Alex Smith was going to be my quarterback.

1:14 p.m.- The Raiders just drafted Michael Huff. I’m going to cut myself.

1:17 p.m.- I’ve just gotten three phone calls since the Raiders stole the Lions only good defensive option. All my friends are calling for Leinart = Lion Hart draft pick. This could be a blessing in disguise.

1:22 p.m.- Carlos Guillen hits harder than the bass at Snoop Dogg concert. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s a 2-run home run giving the Tigers a 2-0 lead, and giving Guillen 7 RBI in the last four at bats.

1:26 p.m. - Donte Whitner to the Bills at No.8 are you kidding me? It's decisions like this that lost Marv Levy four straight Super Bowls.

1:34 p.m.- Nothing like passing up a two time national championship quarterback for a injury prone linebacker from Florida State. Congratulations Ernie Sims your football career is officially over.

1:37 p.m. – Phone call from my buddy Erik: “We suck again; Ernie Sims is a walking concussion.” Could be a good ploy by the Lions though, getting a guy who is so roughed up in the noggin, he won’t realize he’s player for the dumbest general manager in all of sports.

1:42 p.m.- The Arizona Cardinals are officially for real. Leinart, Boldin, Fitzgerald, Edgerin James. Look out NFC East.

1:43 p.m. – Tigers rookie centerfielder Curtis Granderson just smashed a 2-run shot to left field. Tigers 5, Twinkies 0.

1:47 p.m. – Guillen now has a pair of twin killings that’s another Tigers 2-run home run, and 9 RBI in 5 at bats.

1:49 p.m. – This is me pre-ordering my Detroit Tigers World Series tickets. You know if the playoffs started today they would have the Wild Card.

1:54 p.m. – Next Monday is Pudge Rodriguez growth poster giveaway night at Comerica Park. I wonder if the SBC Park has a Barry Bonds Human Growth Hormone poster giveaway night.

2:28 p.m. - Looks like I dozed off there for a short while. No matter. I could take a seven hour nap and the Tigers would still be cranking home runs, the score is 11-0 now.

2:32 p.m. - With the 15^th pick in the 2006 NFL Draft the St. Louis Rams select Ty Hildenbrandt, Cornerback from Clemson. Great first the competition, and now he gets drafted before me.

2:34 p.m. - Whoops my bad. That was Tye Hill, not Hildenbrandt. See I knew I’d be drafted first.

2:45 p.m. – Phone is ringing. Must be the Kansas City Cheifs calling to say they’re drafting me.

2:48 p.m. – Nope, just my mom.

2:58 p.m.- Guillen and the Tigers are up 13-1 now and I think I figured out why. Their batting coach is named Don Slaught. What better way to lead an offensive onslaught than with a coach named Don Slaught. This would be like having a race car driver named Acceleration McGhee.

3:01 p.m. – The game five match up between the Red Wings and the Oilers is about to get underway and the Tigers are only in the sixth inning. We need a third television.

3:10 p.m.- Ohio State players are flying off the board quicker than a hoagie fly’s out of John Kruk’s fridge. All the Buckeye player highlights are against Michigan State. I’m waiting for the John L. Smith sound byte to come on.

“THE KIDS ARE PLAYING THEIR TAILS OFF AND THE COACHES ARE SCREWIN’ IT UP.”

3:17 p.m. – The last sound you hear before muting the television showing the NFL draft is “click- clack.” These Under Armour commercials are more annoying than those tools from the Applebee’s spots.

3:25 p.m. – Bases loaded for the Tigers. Craig Monroe is going to lead us to the promised land, and Justin Verlander is the greatest pitcher ever.

3:29 p.m. – Does Merril Hodge realize how bad his pink shirt looks with a tan suit and tie. Someone get Jeff Garcia over there to give some fashion tips.

3:35 p.m.- Tamba Hali’s highlight reel is also full of clips versus MSU, great representation team. Go Green.

3:37 p.m.- Bases loaded again. I’m like a kid in a candy store.

4:18 p.m. – The Oilers just scored a goal at the same time the Giants traded the 25^th overall pick. I think this is a big government conspiracy. Grassy knoll.

4:20 p.m. – Through about four and a half hours of non-stop sports indulgence the highlight is not the 18 runs put up by the Tigers but the Visa commercial with the break dancing worm.

4:25 p.m.-There’s another goal. Oil Embargo 2, Red Wings 0

4:30 p.m. - Oil spot in my driveway 3, Wings 0. I need a drink.

4:49 p.m.- Brendan Shannahan just scored what is probably his first playoff goal in about 13 years, I hope he feels less dead inside now.

5:25 p.m.- The kooky Applebee’s singers just got the Gilligan’s Island theme song stuck in my head.

5:33 p.m. – “The professor and Mary Anne, here on Gilligan’s Island!”

5:35 p.m. – New England just drafted Chad Jackson. These guys never seem to make a bad pick.

5:40 p.m. – You know what I haven’t had in a while? Big League Chew.

5:55 p.m. – The 7-11 down the street does not sell big league chew, but they do have beef jerky that sits in a tin like the adult form of big league chew. Classy.

5:58 p.m. – After pulling their goalie and getting another skater on the ice Henrik Zetterberg drilled a shot from the point to make the score 3-2 in Edmonton’s favor. Too little too late.

6:00 p.m.- The only thing worse than the Wings game five loss is Jimmy Williams’s mutton chops. What did shaving go out of style?

6:05 p.m.- White Men Can’t Jump is on TNT, today’s television lineup just gained a bunch of cool points.

6:19 p.m.- There’s an MLS game on EPSN 2, today’s television lineup just lost all of it’s cool points.

6:24 p.m -The Lions just drafted Daniel Bullocks from Nebraska. But before he could step up to the podium the Michigan Football team rushed the field. Just kidding, Michigan doesn’t cheat like that.

6:27 p.m.- Speaking of Michigan, that baseball doubleheader is going strong. Michigan leads MSU 4-2 in the 5^th inning right now which is too bad because one of my former roommates is pitching now for the Spartans.

6:37 p.m.- I really thought he could have gotten the Spartans the win, I mean he is on the juice. No really, he’s on Vitamin C pills called the juice.

6:41 p.m.- LenDale White just got drafted to the tune of a shirt that says Chauncey Billups got robbed. That’s right. Hatin’ MVP voters be actin’ a fool.

8:28 p.m.- That’s definitely a post dinner induced coma. I just missed the Lions third round pick and the beginning of the Pistons game.

8:39 p.m. - How come whenever I wake up from a day time nap I feel messed up like I just ate too much sugar, or ate a whole block of cheese for dinner again? Now I know how Ernie Sims feels after a concussion.

8:36 p.m.- An ultra delayed text message informs me that Brian Calhoun is the newest Lion. Yay! Now we have three backup running backs not capable of taking the burden off of injury prone Kevin Jones or mediocre quarterback Jon Kitna.

9:00 p.m.- Sorry, no real updates to be had here. The Pistons are not making a good sports day of this at all.

10:56 p.m. – Chalk one up in the loss column for the Pistons who just got dropped by the Bucks by 20 points. It’s a different era in Detroit when the Lions and the Tigers had a better day than the Pistons.

     If you count the few hours I slept for, it’s a total of 11 hours of pure Detroit sports coverage. Sure Matt Millen screwed up the draft as always and the Pistons and Red Wings got beat by teams they were better than, the point is the Tigers won, and my phone is once again ringing, meaning the Patriots are probably trying to call about my impending multi-million dollar contract.

Jon Gunnells is a journalism junior at Michigan State University who seriously declared for the NFL draft like two years ago. If you're an NFL team, you can reach him at gunnell2@msu.edu

                             

Welcome to the Gunn Show version 2.0 where CCW'S are always free

Overwhelming amounts of NBA playoff talk makes me hungry. So it should be understandable that I’m thinking about fast food at this critical first round juncture. The more I think about fast food and NBA teams, the more similarities I uncover.

Take the Chicago Bulls and McDonald’s for Example:

The year is 1991; if you don’t like the Bulls and you don’t like McDonald’s your basically dead to the world. Still, 15 years later, the Bulls and McDonald’s go together like lamb and tuna fish. Just like McDonald’s, the Bulls have their moments. They’ve got the old favorites- the nuggets, the Big Mac, the Fillet-O-Fish, but once you get deeper on the menu, and or depth chart, things change. Whereas you once thought the Dollar Menu McChicken was a formidable front office move, you also thought the Erik Piatkowski acquisition was something to write home about. Then all of a sudden, three bites into your bargain bin poultry you say, “Hey, I just gnawed into a chicken tendon, this is almost as disgusting as saving a roster spot for an eleven year veteran out of Nebraska.” 

            I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking Gunnells, you’re crazy. Piatkowski owns just about every record involving the three ball and the Los Angeles Clippers. But that my friend is when you get yourself in trouble. That’s the time you go back to McDonald’s and order the McChicken, only to be foiled once more by a grade-D slab of hen. If I haven’t already confused you, I’m going to use the Clippers as a segue to my next comparison

The New York Knicks and Long John Silvers

      I don’t make this comparison because Long John Silver’s and the New York Knicks are the worse fast food restaurant and basketball team this decade. I make this comparison because a fish stick could manage to build a better organization in New York than Isaiah Thomas.

 The Los Angeles Clippers and Sonic Burger

      Sonic Burger and the Clippers use the term good as loosely as possible. I see these Sonic Burger commercials up here in the original love glove, but never, excluding my trip to St. Louis for the Final Four, have I seen a Sonic Burger. Sonic Burger, which is heralded as not being just good, but being “Sonic Good.” Was so mediocre in fact, when I drove by after the Louisville-Illinois blowout, the eatery was closed. Similarly, the Clippers version of good involves getting the sixth best record in the Western Conference. Congratulations Clipps you’ve reached Detroit Pistons status circa 1998.

The Detroit Pistons and Wendy’s

 

I’ve always enjoyed a nice, tall, cold, and frosty. On it’s own it’s good, but by no means an All-Star like a Whopper or a Big Montana. But, when you put the frosty next to a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, a side salad, and two- five piece chicken assortments, you’ve got yourselves a starting five about as impressive as the boys in blue.

PG- Chauncey Billups- Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger; the heart of the meal

SG- Rip Hamilton- side salad; the burger’s sidekick

SF- Tayshaun Prince- Frosty: tall and reliable

PF/C-Ben/Rasheed Wallace – the nuggets: filling but not overshadowing.

The Denver Nuggets and Taco Bell

If I need to go further than comparing Eduardo Najera’s hometown (Chihuahua, Mexico) to the former talking canine Taco Bell spokesman, you are clearly not a member of my target audience. But for sake of proving my point I will take my idea one step further. Is there anything more clutch than the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, or in basketball terms, Carmello Anthony? I think not.

The Cleveland Cavaliers and Burger King

 

In the land of burger’s the Whopper is king. In the land of hardwood and high tops, Lebron James is King. No word yet if you can order King James without lettuce and tomato.

The Los Angeles Lakers (A.K.A. Kobe and the Misfits) and Arby’s

      There is nothing good to eat at Arby’s besides the roast beef. There is nothing good to watch on the Lakers besides Kobe. Glad we cleared that up.

The Miami Heat and Del Taco

     For those of you unfamiliar with Del Taco, you are truly missing out. This Mexican themed restaurant not only serves breakfast and top notch fish tacos, they also serve fries burgers and shakes, bringing together the best of both fast food worlds. In a similar fashion the Miami Heat brings together the best in both the backcourt and frontcourt world’s behind thunder-chunky center Shaquille O’Neal, and young team leader Dwayne Wade.

The Dallas Mavericks and Jack in the Box

      Although I’ve never seen a Jack in the Box restaurant, or the Dallas Mavericks defense, I am sure they both exist because I googled them earlier.

Jon Gunnells is journalism junior at Michigan State University who is competing in the NGS 2 and finally using a word processor. He can be reached at gunnell2@msu.edu.

Okay, so maybe it's a tad early for bold predictions like Shelton for the American League MVP but come on can you blame me? The kid just went the yard for the fifth time this season through only four and a half games.

I knew Shelton was going to be good. This much was obvious when the Tigers let Pena go, and didn't re-sign Rondell White but, five home runs this soon is amazing.

Even more amazing is that Magglio Ordonez, Marcus Thames, and Carlos Guillen each have at least two home runs themselves. Granted they are playing in a hitters ball park in Arlington but, they set club records with home runs in consecutive games after they collected to send twelve deep ones in two games.

The Tigers, now in the fourth inning against the Rangers, are leading the AL Central. In fact, all three Detroit sports teams are leading their divisions, conference's and leagues right now. If you want to get technical, the Lions are 0-0, and they too are leading the league. I must say, although it is early, I never thought the Tigers would show such domination.

I can only imagine where the team would be if they didn't toss away Farnsworth last year, or if Todd Jones wasn't injured. Jordan Tata and Joel Zumaya are playing well, so it might not matter. Still, it would be a thing to see. As would a strong outing by rookie pitcher Justin Verlander tomorrow.

Go Tigers.

To the four of you who left comments the last few days… thank you. You have inspired me to re-write my blog in its entirety this time using a Microsoft word format while occasionally using the save feature – truly a thing  of beauty.

 

One very important poster stressed his enjoyment with Hot Pocket related categories which has me wondering what is everyone else’s favorite Hot Pocket?

 

I used to believe Hot Pockets were good if they fell in the pizza genre but more recently have become addicted to the Cheeseburger flavor Lean Pockets. Even the Chicken, Broccoli and Cheese have been known to cram my freezer shelves. These hot pockets that I speak of may be the best frozen food since Ted Williams…. I mean ice cream. Who’s with me? To the NGS Judges out there – have you guys tried the Sub Pockets? Would you classify them in the same family of frozen pizza snack – or would you put them in a whole different conference?

 

I have never tried the Beef and Cheddar- how about you?

Now to the stuff I promised to cover before:

 

Brett Favre: Even as a Lions fan I find it hard to root for the guy but enough is enough. When the man starts tossing hook shots into the Bears secondary it is time for the media to idolize another sports star. I heard about some guy named Tom Brady apparently he’s pretty good; maybe he’d be a candidate.

 

Detroit Pistons: Is it too early to talk about a Motown regular season record run. 72-10 looks doable right now. Speaking of the Pistons who is this Maurice Evans guy? Why do I live between Detroit and the Palace of Auburn Hills and not know where this guy came from?

What's hotter? This Pistons Dancer or the basketball teams win streak. Thats a hullabaloo.

Really random but I love the name Speedy Claxton. Almost as much as I love Rec Specs.

 

SNL Chronicles of Narnia Rap: In less than 4 minutes this rap starring Chris Parnell and that one kid with the goofy hair made me realize SNL has a pulse – or at least more so than Mehmet Okur. Great references to Google Maps, Mr. Pibb, Bruce Willis and the Ghost with no real correlation to that Narnia movie that none of us will ever go see. However I like the Taco Town skit from a few months ago. Not like it matters but I have never had Mr. Pibb – or eaten at a Sonic Burger. I read a blog about this sort of thing on the east coast but I would like to state for the record here in Michigan we have more Sonic commercials than expressway potholes. The thing is we don’t have any Sonic’s. I traveled to the Final Four earlier this year and I passed by the same Sonic twice. Needless to say it was closed both times making me wonder if it’s a multi-million dollar national drug front.

 

The Chronicles of Narnia Rap is on par with the Taco Town skit.

Lions vs. Saints Thriller:

Yes I just used Lions, Saints and thriller in the same sentence. But did anyone see that comeback. First the inept offense of the Lions implodes- only to regain their composure grabbing two key first downs and win the game on a Jason Hanson kick. As a Michigan State student I could not draw comparisons to the Spartans Buckeyes game from the fall. As Harrington was running off the field with twelve seconds left I saw Joey Harrington quickly morph into Drew Stanton – meanwhile my dad is yelling at the t.v. “Joey come back” and all I can think off is that John L. Smith quote “ the team is playing their tails off and the coaches are screwing it up.” Great quote, great game(s). But one question why didn’t the Lions just spike the ball – wouldn’t it be easier – wouldn’t it be just like the Lions to do the hard thing?

 

Lastly I want to mention that I plan on writing a quick book review on Bringing Down the House – but since the contest is almost over if I don’t get to it just remember – on par with the Boxcar Children. And no one older than 25 understands that reference. Twelve years later, I still wonder what it would be like to live an abandoned boxcar. Quaint and adventurous strike me as fitting terms as do hobo and shower less.

 

A book that I won’t be writing a book review on is Now I can Die in Peace by that one Sports writer who we all know so well. But as much as I love the guy’s writing, he has become so repetitive talking about team B and their rivalry with the hated team A. See I won’t even mention the real names of either of these teams because truth be told I think it’s overkill. I also think most of us now hate team B as much as team A just because team B has reached Dallas Cowboys or L.A. Lakers status where ESPN devotes extraordinarily inappropriate amounts of time to mundane coverage of Kobe Bryant flossing or Bill Parcells eating. I won’t even mention this writers name because he frustrates me now – almost as much as that overrated Outfielder who signed with team A after playing with team B. Honestly what is 6 million more dollars anyway. We have Tsunami victims and Hurricane Victims who don’t have homes and wannabe Jesus is signing with the devil for a bigger paycheck – it makes me angry. I also get really angry when super sportswriter only talks about a cursed town when really I am the one who is cursed. Yeah I have the Red Wings and the Pistons but truly love the Lions and Tigers. They easily cancel each other out – plus I’ve dealt with the Michigan Basketball sanctions the MSU football meltdowns and the Detroit Drive folding – these types of sports tragedies are unimaginable to fans of City A. They need to pull a Trillville and “Get On My Level”.

 

If you followed that I hope you can follow this and trust me when I tell you not to go see Fun with #### and Jane. In a nutshell it is the worst movie since #### Tracy and the only other movie aside from #### Tracy that I actually walked out on. Nowadays these Jim Carey flicks are such a crapshoot- this one is not worth the gamble.

 

Okay it took me that long to hit the save button for the first time –which scares me. When will I learn?

 

Anyway I am exhausted from skiing, thank you all for your input. As this contest winds down thanks for all your comments everyone and good luck also thank you fox sports for this great opportunity.

 

Before I go one more plug. I know I have said this before but the Detroit Red Wings rule and so does Chuck Norris. So go to Google and search for Chuck Norris Fact  Generator it yields quotes like

 “Why is six afraid of seven?”

“Because Chuck Norris.”

 

Chuck Norris is less intimidating in spandex but who isn't?

I just spent forever and  a day writing a really funny blog. My page froze. Mad face.

I am exhausted now and way too tired to write and I know I haven't written in a while but come wednesday I hope to touch on all these topics I just wrote about but wasn't smart enough to save.

The NHL, Bill Simmons, Fun with #### and Jane, Brett Favre and Jim Carey's current mediocrity, the Red Wings come from behind win, the Pistons JV game versus the Spurs, the Shaqobe Broneal rematch, Brian Billick being a  horrible coach, my grandmothers O.J. Simpson love fest, 24 hours of a Christmas story, 365 days of Stuart Scott Ebonics, Paul Pierce, The Detroit Lions comeback, MSU Spartan football flashbacks, Detroit sort of but not really being more cursed than Boston, me hating the Red Sox and Yankees, The College Football Encyclopedia, The Chronicles of Narnia Rap, Collegehumor.com hall of fame and more.

Yeah it was long. Yeah I am real angry.

But one question before I go. Every one has a mad face but does Bill Cowher have an extra mad face? Or is his mad face considered a normal face?

A few more quick thoughts (and some not so quick thoughts)  I had while doing the Ickey Shuffle in front of my mirror:

I was reading a blog earlier where this blogger was ranting about talkative sports announcers. For the most part nothing beats a running commentary by John Madden where he turns a routine shovel pass commentary into a 45 second discussion with Al Micheals about snow shovels but tonight one announcer proved me wrong.

Tonight in overtime of the Pistons Grizzlies game Pistons announcer said "Tayshaun got him from behind." It might be the fifth grader in me but, does anyone else find that funny? The only other better awkward announcing mishap occured this football season during the Michigan Indiana donnybrook.

Since Michigan was up by nearly a dozen touchdowns they put in wide reciever Doug Dutch who sees less action than the backseat of my Ford Focus. As Dutch saw more and more action - and ultimately made more mistakes the announcers started shifting their focus towards Dutch's play using a play on words with his last name.

It went something like this:

Anouncer 1: Dutch just dropped a pass, that means Dutch is in Lloyd Carr's Oven.

Announcer 2: Dutch will have to get another catch to get out of the oven

two plays later

Announcer 2: Dutch makes the catch and he is out of the oven.

Announcer 1: Wait a penalty on Doug Dutch, Dutch is back in the oven.

I kid you not folks. I can not make this stuff up. I realize though this probably has zero comical value because (a) you are not nine. and (b) you had the be there. By the way you ever notice when someone says "you had to be there" that its a sort of forshadowing that whatever they are going to tell you or whatever they did tell you was a waste of time. Yeah. In case I forgot... you had to be there. I know there has to be more of these announcer slip ups though so if anyone knows of any let me know I would love to hear them. And no that Ball State student

Another quick note on announcing. Rick Mahorn keeps mentioning the Pistons rebounding prowess. He has said it like nine times tonight . I give it five minutes before he reaches Jay Bilas NBA draft status with the phrase "tremendous upside".

Staying with college football I noticed that a few Texas players have some off the field issues specifically Romance Taylor and Cedric Griffith. Now while I am usually pretty knowledgeable about college football... BUT there are 117 teams and nearly 100 players on each squad... .the least the AP could do in their stories is refer to them by thier numbers or overall rating in NCAA '06 so I can properly guage a teams chance of winning without them.

By the way why doesn't NCAA '06 have the flea flicker - other than because it's the only play I would ever run. Tecmo Bowl had it.

This guy didn't get loose off the flea flicker he's running away from the Dutch Oven.

I'm still watching the Pistons Grizzlies 9 hour extravaganza - the teams still haven't scored 100 points and Im starting to realize that the Suns would have had about 267 by now, but still can't beat the Spurs or Pistons. The way both those teams are owning their conferences right now is there any doubt in anyones mind that they will return to the championship? You can make a case for the Heat, Spurs maybe the Mavs or Cavs but why bother?

I just noticed that Chauncey Billups is incredibly clutch. My boss thinks that Rasheed is more clutch but I think he is wrong. Even so... is there a bad option for the Pistons when they are in a clutch situation. Its like they each inherited part of Larry Birds soul when he left the game. Except for Darko. He inherited Kurt Rambis's awkward demeanor.

Poor Darko.

Okay theres number 10 for Rick Mahorn - rebounding prowess is officially a sports cliche. If this was wrestling someone surely would have hit him with a chair or thrown salt in his eyes by now.

 

 Rick Mahorn has tremendous upsides repetitive sports cliches are not one of them.

Pistons finnally hit the 100 point plateau meanwhile I think the DJ for the Grizzlies is on coccaine. He wont stop playing music at inoportune times. During time outs yeah, but during injuries, and gameplay... c'mon. They just got done playing Cypress Hill's Rap Superstar when Damon Stoudemire drove the lane... wouldn't Afro Man's Because I Got High been more appropriate. Since they have Cypress Hill, I wonder if they play Insane in the Membrane when Ron Artest plays or maybe like "I am Wierd Long and Gangly and I Have a Watermelon Shaped Head" for Tay-Tay- that has to be a Wierd Al song or something.

Okay Rick Mahorn is officially on my hitlist.

Im done with him and I am done with the NBA in this column.

I mentioned in the title that this entry would have something to do with the NHL. But like everyone else I like the NHL about as much as I like stepping on rusty nails. Anyone who doesn't agree can just watch as this entry sits atop the NHL updated blogs page for like 13 days while it will be bumped off the other pages in mere minutes.

Okay last thing I swear: Yesterday I mentioned there was a Chuck Norris fact generator could be found through google.com but apparently there is Mr. T fact generator too.

Here is my favorite Mr. T fact: Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs, that is why he kicks doors over when he walks through doorways.

Check out the site folks. Tremendous upside.

Chuancey A.K.A. "Mr. Big Shot" is gesturing for Mahorn to keep it down meanhwile keeping it real and clutch like the bird man.

Jon Gunnells is trying to become the Nex Great Sports Writer with his writing and rebounding prowess... leave him a comment or buy him a Grilled Stuffed Burrito- in either case he will thank you.