If you thought the American Sports scene was goofy in 2007, get a load of what's in store for 2008:

  Sadly, the Shaquille O'Neal era in the NBA comes to a close, as the Shaq-Daddy has gotten so large his teammates can no longer escape his gravitational pull.   This has been  particularly rough on the Heat's fast break.

  Pressured to respond to the torrent of allegations regarding the use of performance-enhancing drugs by its members, the Major League Baseball Players Association continues to resist co-operation with drug testing for the league.  Instead, the union has agreed to provide funds for each team to employ a team Apologist. 

  Scottie Pippen discovers his true calling and enters the Democratic Presidential race.   Feeling he had set his sights too low, Scottie reminded our reporter that he was a better player than Michael Jordan and that the Chicago Bulls missed their chance to hire him as head coach after the firing of Scott Skiles.   Sayeth Scottie: "Everybody knows I am smarter than Hillary Clinton and a better lawyer than John Edwards.  Oh, and Oprah likes me better than Barrack Obama too."

    Sports Medicine clinics all over the world  scramble for the services of the Indianapolis Colts' orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Robert Oz, on the heals of Marvin Harrison's remarkable performance in Super Bowl XLII.  Likening Marvin's surgery to the Tommy John elbow surgery which revolutionized treatment for MLB pitchers, a spokesman for the Colts elaborated:  "Sorry we had to keep this under wraps all season.   But Marvin's bionic knee has got him running 3.8 40's. His double-back flip over the cross bar after scoring his first Super Bowl touchdown had us all thinking Flubber."  Oz claims to be working on a personality for Terrell Owens, a heart for Bill Belichick and a brain for Pacman Jones.

 While allegations from Jose Canseco's latest narc-out of fellow players over steriod use continue to rock MLB, pundits continue to ask: How can a guy who can't read, write books?

   NBA Commisisoner, David Stern takes a leave of abscence from pro basketball to serve his country as Press Secretary for President-elect, Mitt Romney.  Responding to questions about what many see as a curious choice, a spokeman for Romney responded:  "This guy was in charge of a league that saw the most heinous threat to its integrity any sport has ever seen.  Baseball's Black Sox scandal pales in comparison to the Tim Donaghy gambling fiasco.  Here you have a league completely compromised by the revelation that at least one of its referees has been actively betting on games.  Not just any games, these were games that Donaghy  was officiating,  including playoff and championship games.  And he was providing information about those games to bookies and other gamblers and apparently other referees.  In the face of all this damning information, Stern has effectively kept this investigation and the story surrounding it out of the main stream media.  If Mitt Romney had an overdue book from his grade school library it becomes front page news for the MSN, but the fact that the results of most NBA games dating back to 2005 are completely bogus doesn't  warrant a story in the press?   We told Mr. Stern he could name his price to become our Press Secretary.  The price was high, but there isn't anyone in the world outside the Mossad who could have kept the rot at the core of the NBA out of the press.  He is one gi-normous leak-stopper."

  In an unprecendented move, the WNBA has taken on a league sponsor.  While stadiums and bowl games have long been given adverting monikers, like "The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl," it will take some time to get used to referring to the league by its new name: The Birkenstocks WNBA.

  LPGA phenom, Michelle Wie, following a disappointing 2007 season, has decided to change her focus for the 2008 season.  Rather than competing in actual LPGA events where she might have to actually play a solid round of golf every once in a while, Michelle will alternate qualifying attempts on the men's tour with appearances on American Gladiator and America's Next Top Model.

  Another tumultuous season at Notre Dame brings back memories of the torturous years under Coach Gerry Faust.  The "Oust Faust" campaign finally brought the school to fire Faust and a similar campaign mounted by angry Irish alumni this season  has Charlie Weis packing his bags.  The "Schmeis Weis" bandwagon finally got the big guy his pink slip.  Sporting his trade-mark turtle neck pants, Charlie announced he was electing to have his gastric by-pass surgery reversed so that he can join  Rosie O'Donnnell, Jamarcus Russell and the now-zaftig Olson Twins on "Celebrity Competitive Eating," the latest reality TV show.

  Bill Parcells steps right up with the Miami Dolphins top pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, selecting Hawaii's gunslinger, Colt Brennan.  The Big Tuna then packages the Dolphins 2nd pick with the rights to Jason Allen, sending them to the Dallas Cowboys for Terrell Owens.  Parcells then announces that T.O. was placed on Injured Reserve for the remainder of the 2008 season, mumbling something about "brain damage."

   And remember you saw it here first, the complete AFC playoff projection for January 2008. 

San Diego smokes Tennessee, with or without the pitiful efforts of Vince Young.  Jacksonville jacks Pittsburgh once again.   Colts rip San Diego and Norv Turner goes home jobless once again.  Jags beat the Patriots senseless, both on the score board and the field of play and they wander back to Indianapolis to get smacked down for the 3rd time this season.  You can take this to the bank!

  As for the NFC-who cares?  Whoever it is loses by 3 touchdowns in the Super Bowl as the Colts repeat.