It's nearly Masters time, that glorious burst of magnolias and exquisitely manicured verdant meadows that signifies the certain arrival of Spring. Raised in the Great White North, we often had snow on the ground when the Masters rolled around so the fabled and telegenic course at Augusta brought us hope of the warming yet to come and the possibilty that we, too, might be able to get back out on the golf course soon.
But now that hopeful wisp of spring is mixed with dread, for the Masters has come to mean yet another chance for Tiger Woods to gain ground on the Golden Bear, Jack Nicklaus, in his quest to hold the record for majors victories on the PGA tour. Wilt Chamberlain got it right when he lamented that "Nobody roots for Goliath"- at least nobody without an axe to grind. There are legions of Tiger fans, just as there is a horde of New York Yankee fans: but rooting for Tiger is like going to Las Vegas and rooting for the house. Tiger's grim march through the slender field of modern golf's Lilliputians has been like watching a boxing match between Mike Tyson and Mother Teresa-the poor girl would never have a chance.
Like fabled Achilles, immune to harm except on the point of his heel where his mother held him as she dipped him into the River Styx, imparting him near invulnerability, Tiger of late has seemed immune to the efforts of his less-than-erstwhile competitors. Watching Tiger in a golf tournament of late has been akin to watching the Little League World Series where the starting pitcher for Guatemala has a mustache and three kids in the stands rooting for him.
Tiger has had the nearly unbeatable combination of physical strength and deft touch combined with super-human concentration and determination that has been the hallmark of golf's demi-gods from Hagen to Hogan to Nicklaus. But while Tiger's course management, ball-striking and putting remain at perhaps the peak of his remarkable career, the chink in his thinking has re-appeared. As reported in Golfweek:
"...Tiger Woods, who early last week caught just as much attention for snapping at a photographer as he did for failing to keep his undefeated season alive at the WGC-CA Championship. Woods was mid-swing Sunday on the tee of Doral's par-3 ninth hole when a photographer clicked a camera prematurely. Woods flinched, pulled his tee shot into the rough and eventually made the bogey that some would argue officially ended The Streak.
Said Woods, according to The Scotsman, seconds after the click: "The next time a photographer shoots a (expletive) picture, I'm going to break his (expletive) neck."
My, my: methinks the Tiger doth protest too much! Isn't keeping one's concentration part and parcel of the game of golf? What Sunday afternoon golfer hasn't had the distinct pleasure of attempting to strike the ball while one's opponent jiggles his keys in his pocket or tosses a beer can into a metal trash can? Or, if your foursome is a bit more rowdy, clapping their hands or sneezing or coughing during your backswing? Understandably Tiger is playing on the big stage for most of the marbles and the pressure is greater: but isn't being able to overcome the distractions inherent in tournament play part of coming out on top?
How would Tiger fare playing college basketball, where the opposing fans jeer wildly and wave giant foam fingers and poms-poms beneath the basket while players attempt important free throws? Would there have to be a special concession made for Tiger to clear out the stands so he could have the peace and quiet his Tigerliness deserves?
I make light of this, but this would appear to be the Kryptonite that will be the undoing of Tiger's search for more major victories. If I were playing in Tiger's group, I would have my caddie wear a camera around his neck and take a few photos of Mr. Tightsphincter before the fun started.
I visualize the fairways at Augusta, lined with sedate fans, each holding up his camera, asking for Tiger's "Cheese." Is this a bit of gamesmanship? Indeed it is, but the lunch-bucketization of golf seems to have begun with Tiger. As Tigermania developed, growing numbers of lower and middle class fans began to take up the game and particularly to follow Tiger's exploits. One needs only remember the rowdy fans at Bethpage's Black Course for the 2002 U.S. Open to understand the element that Tiger helped bring to the game and tournaments.
And what of this fanbase's treatment of poor old, sourpuss Colin Montgomerie? Monty was almost run off the course at the 1997 U.S. Open by drunken fans after a rain delay. He is regularly insulted and harassed by U.S. fans hollering "Mrs. Doubtfire" in his swing and behind his back. How would Tiger hold up under the withering and noisy assault of the spectating class? His recent temper tantrum suggests he would not do very well.
Let's hope the defenders of tradition and order at the Masters don't buckle and create some foolish "No Cameras" rule to protect the delicate Tigerlilly from suffering the occasional "click." The fact remains that Tiger lost his concentration and hit a bad shot: all golfers do, some much more often than others. Here's wagering that the camera Kryptonite discovered at the WGC-CA Championship enables another Masters to slip away from Tiger. Let's hope so: it will be a long summer, otherwise, listening to the drooling multitudes hankering after a Grand Slam for He of the Sensitive Ear.
Note: The Author hereby copyrights the concept of the "Tiger Kryptonite Camera." Those interested in the potential development of this product please contact me through the my FoxSports blog.
Like 99% of the sports fans in America living outside of Boston, I have been gagging all year long on the mountain of superlatives heaped on the 2007 New England Patriots. "The Greatest Team in History; the Greatest Offensive Juggernaut of All Time; Tom Brady-the greatest Quarterback in NFL History etc."-every week another passel of glowing paens to the Cheaters from Beantown. It seemed we would never get relief.
Of course, all of these speculative exercises in compartive sports history were merely subjective -perhaps fun to entertain, especially if you are a Chowderhead. Well, at least now we have a proven superlative that fits: Grass-stained Tom Brady and the high powered offensive machine that scored a whopping 14 points in the biggest game of their lives have proven themselves to be the biggest choke artists in the history of sports. Goliath was a slim favorite over David compared to the edge given to the Pats prior to kick-off. Secretariat went off at shorter odds than the tight-collared fold-ups from New England. Kobiyashi squaring off against the Olson Twins in a hot dog eating contest would be a less prohibitive favorite.
Yet they appled it up. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Even here in February, the Giants have given sports fans the gift that will keep on giving throughout sports history. Mighty Brady has struck out. Darth Belichick has been slain by Eli Skywalker. Who woulda thunk it?
The 1972 Miami Dolphins finally got to uncork that champagne, and I imagine this is the sweetest their toast has ever tasted. Despite the fact that those '72 Dolphins remain the only undefeated team in modern NFL history, no one ever thought to hail them as "The Greatest Team in History." And for good reason. While Shula's team was a great team, going unbeaten in any given NFL season requires a dicey combination of scheduling, luck and consistent performance. Those 1972 Dolphins had all three and sit alone in the record books.
There are a number of other great teams deserving consideration as the Greatest of All Time, including the 1985 Bears with their lone loss, Lombardi's Packers of Super Bowl I & II, and various Steeler, Cowboy and 49er Super Bowl Champs. They have one thing in common that allows them to be in the running: they won their Super Bowl to cap a magnificent season.
These Patriot Pretenders to greatness ultimately couldn't finish the job. Like George H.W.Bush vs. Saddam Hussein in the first Gulf War; like Mike Tyson against Buster Douglas; like the Russian National Hockey Team vs. Team U.S. A. in the 1980 Olympic Games, the Belichicks got tossed into the dust-bin of NFL history by a valiant, and certain to be beloved New York Giants cadre of scrappy underdogs.
Coach Tony Dungy of the Indianapolis Colts is the last guy one would expect to find in the middle of a controversy. A devoutly Christian, highly respected man, Dungy has given abundantly to his team and the Indianapolis community. But here we are a week after the Colts' miserable flop in the playoffs against the Chargers, and the local talk shows are abuzz with opinions about Dungy's pending decision on whether to come back for another season.
Surprisingly, the opinions seem about evenly divided on whether Dungy should stay. Six months ago, support for Dungy would have been in the 80-90% range. Despite the controversial suggestions by the instigating Jayson Whitlock, Colts fans have become a pretty knowledgeable bunch. 9 seasons watching Peyton Manning's cerebral and extraordinarily competent generalship of the Lighting Offense, coupled with the evolution of the Tampa 2 defense that has been Dungy's trademark have forced Colts fans to develop a keen understanding of the game in order to follow the complicated action.
These knowledgeable locals truly recognize the treasure we have in Peyton Manning. Regardless of who holds the coaching reins, as long as Manning stays healthy, this team will remain in the thick of things for at least the next 6-8 seasons and probably longer. A look around the league makes it obvious that NFL franchises flounder without a highly capable quarterback. Manning is a huge difference maker, matched only by Brady and Favre among active QB's and his work ethic and "laser-rocket arm" will carry the Colts to the playoffs year in and year out, even in the toughest division in football. And no matter who is doing the coaching.
We also recognize the genius of Bill Polian. Polian created a mini-dynasty in Buffalo, and the qualifier "mini" is only used because the Bills couldn't convert one of their 4 consecutive Super Bowl appearances into a victory. Polian is a master assessor of talent and character and understands the salary cap restrictions like no one else in the league except for pehaps New England's Scott Pioli. Polian continues to improve the level of talent on the Colts' squad, year in and year out.
Which brings us back to the man in the middle of the two pillars of Indianapolis Colts football: The Head Coach. Tony Dungy has been showered with adulation and favorable press here since his arrival in 2002. It can quite fairly be said that Dungy has been given the benefit of the doubt, especially after the Colts were pummeled by the Jets, 41-0 in the 2002 playoffs and bounced in 2003 and 2004 by the Patriots. During the regular season, the Colts have been a juggernaut, winning 12 games in each of the last 5 seasons, an accomplishment unmatched in NFL history.
But nobody really cares about the regular season when your team packs it in before the Super Bowl. Dan Marino's fingerprints are all over the record books, but with that giant hole in the middle of his portfolio where the Super Bowl victories should go, it leaves him on the outside looking in when talk begins about the greatness of quarterbacks.
And so it is with coaches. When the greatest coaches in NFL history are brought to mind, Vince Lombardi, Tom Landry, Bill Walsh and Chuck Noll immediately come to come: all multiple Super Bowl victors. Joe Gibbs, Vermeil and even Jimmy Johnson may deserve mention in this hallowed group, but Tony Dungy? Not hardly.
If he retires now, Dungy will be remembered as a nice man who rode Peyton Mannings' coat-tails to a single Super Bowl victory. The fact is, he was out-coached by Bill Belichick in each of their post season appearances, only to be saved by a super-human performance by Peyton in last year's AFC championship.
This season's post season debacle was entirely inexcuseable. Dungy actually became a distraction to the team during their critical run-up to the Chargers match-up, with the press incessantly speculating about Dungy's possible retirement. While it's certain that the coach would have done things differently if given a do-over, the reported fact that his wife and kids moved back to Tampa prior to the season finale speaks volumes about his attention to detail. Did he think the media would keep the fact that his kids had enrolled in Tampa schools a secret? It seems Mrs. Dungy has already made his decision for him. In his best seller, "Quiet Strength," Dungy speaks glowingly of the Tampa weather and his wife's reluctance to leave in 2001. Now its just a matter of time.
Owner Jim Irsay has already announced that Jim Caldwell, with a 26-63 lifetime college coaching record, will take over when Dungy moves on. Caldwell has been Assistant Head Coach since 2005 and Quarterbacks Coach prior to that. I am sure he has taught Peyton Manning quite a lot. This team and this town deserve better than Dungy-lite. There are guys like Bill Cowher and Jason Garrett available out there now: one would think a coach of this caliber would be the missing piece of the puzzle to assure pure Colts dominance for several years.
Arguably the most vociferous fans in the league, the Colts fans filled the stadium to something like 107% of capacity this season, best in the league. We have supported the financing and building of Lucas Oil Stadium, to help the team with revenues from luxury box amenities. We need more than just another nice man to coach these potential champions. We can't afford to come out flat against another post-season opponent as we have repeatedly including the 2002 shellacking by the Jets, the 2003 and 2004 bungles against the Pats and 2005's home loss to the Steelers. Last week's flat-liner against the Chargers was just another in a series of coaching failures, very likely to be repeated by a Dungy clone. It's sad to think we deserve less of the same.
Just because your campaign to get Moss selected as MVP blew up in your face, doesn't mean you can make the thug into a choirboy. There is a Cowboy Junkies song that sums it up best:
A man in a crisis falls back on what he knows best:
A murderer to murder; a thief to theft.
Moss is just falling back on what he knows best: getting physical when he can't get his own way. Too bad there isn't a replay available, I'm sure it would show that Moss was just pushing off, as usual. Bad actors generally find the worst possible time to screw up and Moss is no exception. I am really surprised that he was able to keep his inner punk in check for this long. As I said in my blog last week, the Pats wannabe the new Raiders, and Randy wants to be the poster boy.
As the NFL gears up for the divisional championships, its time for a brief and embellished look at the week in sports:
The New England Patriots, released their new team slogan, "Resident Evil" to the media today along with the announcement that they have acquired the rights to the Titan's Pacman Jones. A spokesman for the Pats announced: "We feel we are the 21st century version of the Oakland Raiders. The acquisition of Randy Moss has been so successful that we are expanding our free agent search. Send us your cast-offs, troublemakers and miscreants. " Informed sources reveal that Bill Belichick has representatives negotiating with the parole board at Leavenworth in order to secure an early release for Michael Vick. Rumor has it Belichick has lawyers working with agents for Rae Carruth as well.
Looks like those Dallas Cowboys fans, fearing that celebrity airhead Jessica Simpson would bring bad luck to the Cowboys games, were right on the money. America's Team supporters now refer to Ms. Simpson as Yoko Romo.
T.O.'s blubbering performance post-game in Dallas continues to demonstrate the wacky wide receiver's emotional stablity. Who does he think he is, Hillary Clinton?
The San Francisco 49er's, in a desperate move to acquire the 1st draft pick in the 2009 NFL draft, hired Mike Martz as offensive co-ordinator. Despite the fact that Martz's work for the Detroit Lions as co-ordinator left them trailing the almost perfectly inept Miami Dolphins for the 2008 premier selection, the 49er's braintrust felt they didn't need to drop much further to secure the rights to Tim Tebow.
Roger Clemens continues his relentless pursuit of the title Most Hated Man in Sports. The sputtering Rocket's inarticulate bullying and preposterous legal maneuvering continue to reveal the fact that no one in America ever really liked him much anyway.
Volunteer media punching bag, Isiah Thomas remains on Clemens' heals, with a surgically precise evisceration of the once proud New York Knicks basketball franchise. As of today, the Knicks have a .265 winning percentage. The Knicks are horrible on the court, pounded in the press and they are handing out lawsuit money like Mike Tyson at a car dealership. Are there any adults left in charge in the Knicks' front office?
In a surprise announcement, Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy will be retiring and will join Dancing with the Stars. The 2008 fall lineup includes a number of figures from professional sports including Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets, Butterbean of professional boxing fame and tennis star Martina Navratilova. Producers aren't quite sure who they will partner up with Navratilova, but are working on the details.
The spector of drug use now haunts the world of golf, as the ReMax World's Long Driving Championship came to a close on Christmas day. It seems Mike Dobbyn's 385 yard poke was bested by Seniors divsion winner, Frank Miller. Miller's drive was measured at 394 yards. When tour officials were asked if it was believed steriods were being used, they replied: "No, we think it was Viagra."
Congratulations are in order for the recently engaged Greg "Shark" Norman and tennis champion, Chris Evert. Chris was seen sporting a 5 carat engagement ring. As expected, publicity hungry athletes have forged a number of copy-cat engagements in order to get their names back in the news. Word has it John Daly and Tonya Harding are hooking up. They sealed their engagement with a beer can pull-tab serving as the ring.
More smooth moves from "Miguel" Simpson, better known as O.J. to most of us, as the Juice put the squeeze on one of his co-defendants in a prohibited phone call. Clearly in violation of his probationary requirement to not make contact with his co-defendants, O.J. was brought in by agents from You Ring We Spring Bail Bonds of North Las Vegas. News reports did not include the full alias used by Simpson, but "Miguel Mexico" has a nice ring to it. The Juice must love that jailhouse cookin'!
Indiana Pacers President of Basketball Operations, Larry Bird, today announced a series of lectures based on his forthcoming book, "Discipline Your Team like Dr. Spock." Rejecting the stern, disciplinarian approach favored by coaches like Bobby Knight and John Wooden, Bird has elected a gentler path, more in keeping with the teachings of 50's permissive, Dr. Spock. The team's lack of success in recent seasons, with constant disruptions from players like Ron Artest, Jamal Tinsley, Shawne Williams and David Harrison speaks volumes about Bird's approach. As a motivator and coach, Bird looked pretty slick. As a personnel director and policy enforcer, he truly looks like a hick from French Lick.
The unspoken tragedy surrounding the Marion Jones performance-enhancing drug/perjury scandal is the fact that she didn't have to use them! Jones would likely have been OIympic champion without using any enhancers. Truly gifted with speed and beauty and grace and strength, she still elected to cheat. This would be like Tiger Woods executing a foot-mashie to kick his ball out of a bad lie, or Bill Belichick video-taping the sideline signals of his opponents. Why cheat when you can win fair and square?
Just because New England is successful with Randy Moss in the line-up doesn't mean that he is no longer a cancer. The Patriots are simply in remisssion.
Before I provide my fearless prognostications for this weekend's NFL playoff match-ups, let's take a look at how last season's match-ups developed. The Patriots had a bye in the first round and the Colts knocked off Kansas City. In the 2nd round, Indy travelled to Baltimore and knocked off the once powerful Ravens. Hard to believe the disparity between last season's Raven juggernaut and their pitiful 2007 squad! But I digress...
The Chargers looked like the best team in the league, going 14-2, but they were matched with the Patriots, always a stalwart playoff opponent and battle-tested and ready. Thanks to a couple of dunderheaded Schottenheimer moves and some odd ovoid bounces New England prevailed, which brought the AFC championship back to Indy.
We are now at a similar point in the season, with 3 of last season's participants remaining. This week, San Diego travels to Indy and the fresh face in the semi-finals belongs to the Jacksonville Jaguars, who now confront the unbeaten Patriots in Foxborough.
The Colts season has been remarkable, although a bit star-struck, remaining in the shadows of New England's unbeaten regular season. The number of injuries the Colts have suffered should have seen them in the middle of the pack in the AFC South, demonstrably the best division in the NFL. They lost nose-tackle Booger MacFarlane to injury before the regular season began. Their 10 time All Pro offensive tackle, Tarik Glenn, surprised the team by retiring before the season began as well. They have played without Hall of Fame lock Marvin Harrison for the last 10 weeks and without Dwight Freeney, arguably the best pass rusher in the business, for the last 8. They played several games with zero regular starters on the defensive front four. The Colts reached down and drudged up the unfortunately named Craphonso Thorpe and Houston's taxi -squad reject Devin Aromashodu to bolster a receiving corps forced to play without Dallas Clark, rookie Anthony Gonzales and both tight ends, Ben Utecht and Brian Fletcher. The O-line has been similary ####ed up but rookies and journeyman have ably replaced veterans forced to sit out. All of these injuries were compounded by the fact that the Colts lost both starting safeties and an outstanding linebacker, Cato June, to free agency.
One would think that the Indianapolis Colts are due for a few good breaks. But the breaks shouldn't matter, because this team just keeps on winning, regardless of how deep they reach into their reserves. Subtract one big play by the Patriots and Adam Vinateri's missed field goal at the close of the Chargers game, and it would have been the Colts who were playing in week 17 against the Tennessee Titans to clinch an unbeaten season.
And now the picks:
Even if most of the breaks work against them, the Colts will be moving on to the AFC Championship Game again this season. While last season's San Diego Chargers squad was awe-inspiring and truly a physical, imposing team, this year's group seems lackluster and unfocused, struggling through a weak schedule to the number 3 seed. Sure they have a 7 game winning streak, but during this streak they have beaten exactly one team with a winning record, the Tennesse Titans. As I have contended all season, the Titans are essentially playing without a quarterback. NFL teams are supposed to be able to beat a wishbone offense. While the Bolts beat the Colts 23-21 in week 10 in San Diego, this was a Dr. Strangelove/Dr. Seuss kind of game: in the rain, Colts in pain, Peyton's brain somewhere else. Serious handicappers recognize the need to throw out the anomolies when making their picks and that match-up was not an accurate reflection of either team's ability or modus operandi.
Philip Rivers looks uneven on his best days, and the Titans demonstrated that the once-feared LT is eminently stoppable. While the Chargers defense should be rested after facing the underwhelming Titans O, the Colts Lightning Offense will have them back on their heels and huffing and puffing early. Reggie Wayne has been unstoppable of late and Dallas Clark remains as dangerous as any receiver in the league. There are even suggestions of a Marvin Harrison sighting. Peyton,quick to the line of scrimmage and highly cognizant of the other coach's manuevers, won't let the Titans make defensive substitutions and Joseph Addai should improve on the minor gashing the Titans Pillsbury Doughboy, Lendale White, was able to inflict on the Bolts. If all else fails everyone knows the Colts will have the heat turned up in the Hoosier Dome and their patented, piped-in crowd noise will reduce Rivers to a whimpering, puddle of fumbles, miscues and sacks. Colts 35, Bolts 14.
Now, about that game up in Foxborough:
The weatherman is calling for clear skies, a boon to the Brady bunch, although the temperatures hovering in the 40 degree range might make pitching and catching just slightly more difficult. Of course, the Pats are used to the New England cold, so we can't say the weather will be a factor. What the Pats aren't used to is trying to tackle a speeding anvil lathered in grease. Maurice Jones-Drew, the Pocket Hercules, is as elusive as the legendary Barry Sanders but even more powerful. His extremely low center of gravity combined with his speed and cutting ability, make Jones-Drew tough to tackle both in the open field and in the heart of the battle as well. Mixing up the carries with Fred Jones should keep the aging Patriots defenders from adjusting to either back's pace and movement. Now I know that Adalius Thomas is on the back end of his prime, but Junior Seau is 37, Vrabel and Brushci and Izzo all have 12 seasons in the league and have shown signs of slowing in the 2nd half of the season. Rodney Harris is 35 and probably off the steroids he used that got him suspended for 4 games early in the season. Since he says he took them to help him recuperate from injuries ("rather than to get a competitive edge."), he ought to be a little nicked up this late in the season. An aging defense with relatively little speed will begin to get shown up after a couple quarters of getting pounded by the Jags relentless running attack. Garrard is a very capable runner as well, but unlike Vince Young, Garrard has pocket presence and makes very few mistakes with the ball. With a quarterback rating of 102.2 and only 3 interceptions, Garrard seems the ideal quarterback to help Del Rio's team keep the Brady and Moss bunch glaring on the sidelines.
Yes, I know the evil hoodie genius will provide a defensive scheme with more wrinkles than a shar-pei, but Garrard protected the ball better than every other quarterback in the NFL this season, and Jack Del Rio's game plan will emphasize the need for absoluting minimizing turnovers. It doesn't seem likely that the threat of Lawrence Maroney running the ball will be able to keep the Jag defenders honest: they should be teeing off on Brady and might even muss his carefullly coifed locks a time or two. I suspect Brady will give up 2 or 3 picks-certainly more than Garrard. Jacksonville's biggest obstacle will be to keep from collecting chippy penalties: the Colts have succeeded in luring the Jags into several roughing and unsportsmanlike penalties in their 2 victories over the Jags this season. Del Rio must have his team nearly penalty free if they expect to knock off ESPN's Team of the Century.
The Patriots are feeling a lot more pressure in this game than the Jaguars. Throughout a remarkable regular season New England has been able to back up the trash talking and bragadoccio, most of it coming from their chowderhead fans. There is a new bully in the neighborhood this week though, and they have only one game to win or lose. The Patriots have the burden of playing for the Ages and this might just take things out of focus. The Devil is in the details and the final score will be:
Jacksonville 27 New England 20.
Jacksonville will play Indianapolis for the 3rd time this season for the AFC Championship in Indianapolis.
What a relief to escape the heavy breathing over the Patriots for a week! I truly believe we went almost a week without the media's incessant braying about the "Greatest Team in the History of the Universe." Tom Brady will have to go back to asking his mirror: "Whose ####'s are finest of them all?" Two more wins and Brady will be nominated for beatification and Randy Moss will have to give up his street cred....
After the Jaguars pound the Patriots into submission this week Maurice Jones-Drew and John Henderson will have to go into the witness-protection program.
Is it just a co-incidence that Martina Hingis and Roger Clemens have both opted for retirement? Martina's agent says she doesn't use cocaine, she just likes the way it smells. True sports fans all across America should beg the Steroid Rocket to come back just one more time. It would be a joy to watch him serve up that 37 mph fastball he's sporting without his cheating boosters. Retiring is the ultimate admission of guilt for Clemens-there is no way he retires if he could still compete. Obviously, without the juice, he can't.
Got to give credit where credit is due: The perfomance by Seattle's punter, Ryan Plackemeier, may have been the greatest performance in post-season history by a punter. Every kick was executed to perfection with the Redskins getting 0 yards in returns. Not one punt was returned a single yard and all of them were inside the 10 yard line! How do you get any better than that?
Note to Titan's coach Jeff Fisher: Nice defense and solid offensive line play. Now wake up and trade Vince Young while you he still has signficant trade value. Young will never be a top level NFL quarterback. Take that wishbone, wishful thinking to the trading table and draft a pocket passer. Young's instinct is to run at the first sign of trouble. With a bit of pocket presence the Titan's could have stolen that game from the woefully underacheiving Chargers offense.
Speaking of woefull under-achievers, how 'bout that Redskins offense? I didn't think it was possible to make the Smells-Like-Team-Spirit Seahawks look good. Here's a line for Hasselbeck vs the Packers: We're taking the collar and we're going to choke!
Is there any doubt that the AFC South is hands-down the best division in football? The post-season was an Albert Haynesworth tantrum away from having 3 of the 4 teams in the division finals from the South. And Gary Kubiak's Texans ain't no patsies, either!
And what about that wacky Hanynesworth? It's bad enough to jump offsides at a critical moment, Albert. Dusting Philip Rivers probably cost your team the game. You read it here first: this head-stomping, Pacman-taunting fuming mountain of blubber will come to a bad end. And soon. I'm sure his file is sitting on the corner of Roger Goodell's desk. Can anyone be that filled with rage on their own natural body chemistry?
Did you know that Peyton Manning had a little brother? At least the guy that showed up in Tampa looked like a Manning. Nice work Eli. Your team looks a lot more like a winner now that that back-stabbing poser named after a patio torch is getting paid to mouth off. I believe there will be a come-to-Jesus meeting down in Dallas this weekend and Tony Romo had better have been saying his nevers. Right now Eli looks like the better quarterback.
Props offered to Bob Sanders, All-World safety for the Indianapolis Colts, announced as Defensive Player of the Year for the NFL, and justly so. We know that 2/3rds of the earth is covered by water and the rest is covered by Bob Sanders. Do you know how you can tell which wide receivers dared to run slant routes in front of Bob Sanders? Dental records.
And I will close this week's early rant with my Worst Coach of the Year award. Sure its easy to pick the top coaches, but who really played the biggest role in sucking the mojo out of his team? Topping the list, you gotta love Bobby Petrino. Talk about kicking someone when they are down, this dirt-eating slug high-tailed it the moment he got the chance. Probably unable and absolutely unwilling to make the sacrifice necessary to help his team. They never recovered from the wrenchingly miserable conclusion to a bad draft pick that no one ever imagined could have gone so horribly wrong. There's some powerful bad karma down in Atlanta. Petrino may think he escaped it, but he probably just dragged his part down to Fayetteville. Pigs get fat and hogs get slaughtered!
Degenerate gamblers will look back upon 2007 as a Golden Year for NFL picking. Not since 1985 when the Giants, 49er's and yes, da Bears ran rough-shod over the meager competition have bettors had such a decided advantage. When the disparity between the upper echelon teams and the scrubs is greatest, the opportunities for Harry the Horse and Good Time Charlie progresse in an almost Malthusian check on the bookies fortunes. This year will go down as one for the ages: the Patriots were a lock for 3/4 of the season, and the Dolphins were too, although they were a lock to lose and not cover. If you hung with the Packers and Cowboys at the beginning of the year and bet against the 49er's, Jets, and Detroit in the 2nd half of the season, you can probably skip your coupon clipping this winter.
The wise player should be able to sail through the playoffs pocketing profits as the line-up includes only a handful of solid clubs and a gaggle of pretenders just eking out one more paycheck before they get bounced. It's one and out for the teams that wobbled into their berths. Here is your primer to bookie wallet extraction this playoff season:
Tennessee at San Diego -9: Despite the fact that the genuises in San Diego passed on Drew Brees to keep Phillip (Wounded Duck) Rivers, the Chargers have righted the ship and stopped taking on water. While we're not high on the Chargers at all this season, what with the team chemistry of the Soviet Politburo and a head coach in his last job in pro football, the Titans are a wasted draft choice or two away from being unable to score a touchdown in the playoffs. I know you Titan fans think Vince Young is the greatest thing since Michael Vick: well so do I. He has no more business being an NFL quarterback than. say, Kerry Collins. 14 touchdowns and 30 interceptions? Jeff Fischer is probably on his knees at night praying for Young to beg off this one, so Collins can ride to the rescue as he did against the Colts in meaningless game 16. The Titans lost at home to the Chargers 23-17 in overtime early in December, but won't be able to exact revenge as they are nearly incapable of scoring. San Diego 29-Tennessee 7.
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh +1.5: There must be tons of latent, automatic Steeler money out there for the handicappers to make the Jags such a short favorite. The Jaguars literally beat the snot out of the Steelers in Pittsburgh on December 16, outgaining them 421 yards to 217. The Jaguars are actually the NEW Steelers, usurping the old Steel Curtain's reputation for physical football characterized by a hard-hitting defense and a powerful running attack. And David Garrard is no-Big Ben: he protects the football a lot better. Wise bettors know that football is a game of emotion and Jack Del Rio will have the Jags sky high for this one. I have a feeling Pittsburgh's heart won't be in it after the first few pops. Get a 2nd mortgage on the house and put it all on the Jags: Jacksonville 27 -Pittsburgh 10.
And in the lightweight division:
New York Giants at Tampa Bay-3: Tom Coughlin and his struggling Giants deserve our heartfelt thanks for the determined effort they put up against the Patriots in week 16. We are sorry they lost, but the Pats won't be playing in the Super Bowl and that will be the sweetest of desserts. Looks like Eli has his game on again with Plaxico back, but the absence of Jeremy Shockey will hurt against this solid Bucs defense. (Now when I say solid, I mean NFC solid. On October 7 against the Colts, the Bucs got ripped 33-14 and the Colts played without Joseph Addai and Marvin Harrison, among others. Just ask Jon Gruden about how the Colt's offense toyed with his defense: ergo the "lightweight" moniker.) I like Eli, but he's certainly no Peyton and the Bucs should fool him with the Cover 2 and intercept several of his offerings. Garcia is a good ball-control quarterback, albeit a 2nd tier one, and he will protect the ball enough to get Tampa to the next level. Tampa 22-New York 19. Looks like the books got this one pegged on the nose. Better pass on it.
Washingon at Seattle -3: Wow! Talk about your marquis match-ups! I know America can't wait to watch Tod Collins battle Seneca Wallace this week. Or will Hasselback be fit to play? Does that make it any more interesting? Washinton has all the feel-good press and a bit of momentum going in to this meaningless tune-up for the victor's destruction at the hands of the Cowboys or Packers. Unless your Lunesta has run short, I suggest you pass on this sleep inducer. The word "under" comes to mind for both teams: Under-achieving, under-performing and under-interesting for starters. Find the over/under number from your local book and ride the under on a short play: Washington 16-Seattle 14.
Tune in next week when it really starts to get interesting. The Jaguars will be opening a 30 gallon drum of whup-#### in Foxborough and I will be glad to walk you though it!
If you thought the American Sports scene was goofy in 2007, get a load of what's in store for 2008:
Sadly, the Shaquille O'Neal era in the NBA comes to a close, as the Shaq-Daddy has gotten so large his teammates can no longer escape his gravitational pull. This has been particularly rough on the Heat's fast break.
Pressured to respond to the torrent of allegations regarding the use of performance-enhancing drugs by its members, the Major League Baseball Players Association continues to resist co-operation with drug testing for the league. Instead, the union has agreed to provide funds for each team to employ a team Apologist.
Scottie Pippen discovers his true calling and enters the Democratic Presidential race. Feeling he had set his sights too low, Scottie reminded our reporter that he was a better player than Michael Jordan and that the Chicago Bulls missed their chance to hire him as head coach after the firing of Scott Skiles. Sayeth Scottie: "Everybody knows I am smarter than Hillary Clinton and a better lawyer than John Edwards. Oh, and Oprah likes me better than Barrack Obama too."
Sports Medicine clinics all over the world scramble for the services of the Indianapolis Colts' orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Robert Oz, on the heals of Marvin Harrison's remarkable performance in Super Bowl XLII. Likening Marvin's surgery to the Tommy John elbow surgery which revolutionized treatment for MLB pitchers, a spokesman for the Colts elaborated: "Sorry we had to keep this under wraps all season. But Marvin's bionic knee has got him running 3.8 40's. His double-back flip over the cross bar after scoring his first Super Bowl touchdown had us all thinking Flubber." Oz claims to be working on a personality for Terrell Owens, a heart for Bill Belichick and a brain for Pacman Jones.
While allegations from Jose Canseco's latest narc-out of fellow players over steriod use continue to rock MLB, pundits continue to ask: How can a guy who can't read, write books?
NBA Commisisoner, David Stern takes a leave of abscence from pro basketball to serve his country as Press Secretary for President-elect, Mitt Romney. Responding to questions about what many see as a curious choice, a spokeman for Romney responded: "This guy was in charge of a league that saw the most heinous threat to its integrity any sport has ever seen. Baseball's Black Sox scandal pales in comparison to the Tim Donaghy gambling fiasco. Here you have a league completely compromised by the revelation that at least one of its referees has been actively betting on games. Not just any games, these were games that Donaghy was officiating, including playoff and championship games. And he was providing information about those games to bookies and other gamblers and apparently other referees. In the face of all this damning information, Stern has effectively kept this investigation and the story surrounding it out of the main stream media. If Mitt Romney had an overdue book from his grade school library it becomes front page news for the MSN, but the fact that the results of most NBA games dating back to 2005 are completely bogus doesn't warrant a story in the press? We told Mr. Stern he could name his price to become our Press Secretary. The price was high, but there isn't anyone in the world outside the Mossad who could have kept the rot at the core of the NBA out of the press. He is one gi-normous leak-stopper."
In an unprecendented move, the WNBA has taken on a league sponsor. While stadiums and bowl games have long been given adverting monikers, like "The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl," it will take some time to get used to referring to the league by its new name: The Birkenstocks WNBA.
LPGA phenom, Michelle Wie, following a disappointing 2007 season, has decided to change her focus for the 2008 season. Rather than competing in actual LPGA events where she might have to actually play a solid round of golf every once in a while, Michelle will alternate qualifying attempts on the men's tour with appearances on American Gladiator and America's Next Top Model.
Another tumultuous season at Notre Dame brings back memories of the torturous years under Coach Gerry Faust. The "Oust Faust" campaign finally brought the school to fire Faust and a similar campaign mounted by angry Irish alumni this season has Charlie Weis packing his bags. The "Schmeis Weis" bandwagon finally got the big guy his pink slip. Sporting his trade-mark turtle neck pants, Charlie announced he was electing to have his gastric by-pass surgery reversed so that he can join Rosie O'Donnnell, Jamarcus Russell and the now-zaftig Olson Twins on "Celebrity Competitive Eating," the latest reality TV show.
Bill Parcells steps right up with the Miami Dolphins top pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, selecting Hawaii's gunslinger, Colt Brennan. The Big Tuna then packages the Dolphins 2nd pick with the rights to Jason Allen, sending them to the Dallas Cowboys for Terrell Owens. Parcells then announces that T.O. was placed on Injured Reserve for the remainder of the 2008 season, mumbling something about "brain damage."
And remember you saw it here first, the complete AFC playoff projection for January 2008.
San Diego smokes Tennessee, with or without the pitiful efforts of Vince Young. Jacksonville jacks Pittsburgh once again. Colts rip San Diego and Norv Turner goes home jobless once again. Jags beat the Patriots senseless, both on the score board and the field of play and they wander back to Indianapolis to get smacked down for the 3rd time this season. You can take this to the bank!
As for the NFC-who cares? Whoever it is loses by 3 touchdowns in the Super Bowl as the Colts repeat.
As bizarre as the year 2007 played out, what with stratospheric salaries, an omni-present media, and every Tom, Harry and Craphonso looking for his 15 minutes of fame, 2008 can only get weirder:
Gi-normous flameout, Jamarcus Russell, doing his best Ryan Leaf imitation, will abandon the Oakland Raiders and challenge Kobiyashi of Competitive Eating fame to a cheeseburger-eating contest. Russell is already in training with his new fitness coach, William "The Refrigerator" Perry.
Patriot's head coach, Bill Belichick, basking in the glow of an almost perfect, 17-1 season, opts to try his hand at acting. In a made-for-TV special, Belichick will play the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski. Director Martin Scorcese hand-picked Belichick for the role because he dresses like the Unabomber, has similar hygiene, and it isn't a stretch for the audience to see Coach Belichick as a deranged hermit.
Reeling from the double-whammy of the Cowboy's loss to the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLII and subsequently being dumped by Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo goes to court and has his name legally changed to "Tony Romeo." Romeo continues to slide down the C and D list of celebrity starlets and is caught by Paparazzi, head freshly shaven and snuggling with Brittany Spears
Arthur Blank, still smarting from the firestorm of negative energy surrounding the Atlanta Falcons in 2007, signs Marcus Vick as his new quarterback. Blank pointed out that the Vick family has been an important part of the Atlanta community and that the younger Vick should be a model citizen under new head coach, Gary Moeller. The former head coach at the University of Michigan has sworn to stay with the team throughout his 5 year contract and was quoted: "Who else is going to hire me anyway?"
Roger Clemens, in a determined effort to restore his tarnished reputation, turns over a new leaf for 2008. Reporting to the Yankees spring-training camp at a svelte 195, Clemens attributes his leaner physique to a new-found diet and exercise program. Claiming to be tired of being a fireballer, Clemens has developed a knuckle ball and will work on his off-speed pitches. Questioned about this alleged use of steroids and human-growth hormone, Roger fired back: " Would I look this thin if I were still taking, er.....I mean taking HGH?"
An additional note from the Clemens camp reports that his attorney, Rusty Hardin, is conducting his own investigation into the possible use of performance-enhancing drugs by Clemens and others. Not a moment too soon! Hardin also reports that he is assisting O.J. Simpson in his Las Vegas assault and kidnapping trial. Since O.J. may be tied up for a while, Hardin adds that he will take over O.J.'s search for the real killer as well.
The world of professional golf is rocked by scandal in 2008, as representatives for Phil Mickelson, Ernie Els and 17 other top tour pros allege that Tiger Woods, in a complicated scheme involving clothing manufacturers, has been colluding with those companies. It seems that all of the top tour pros have been receiving golf shirts with necks several sizes too small, causing the players to chafe and choke in Tiger's presence. John Daly, in the boldest move on this front, has petitioned the TPA and the PGA to play shirtless this season.
In a brilliant and deft move, controversial New York Knicks President, Isiah Thomas, while clinging to his dream of completely dismantling the Knicks, has taken a 2nd job as diplomat at the United Nations. With his new position, Zeke can park wherever he wants, call women "####es" in over 100 languages, and claim diplomatic immunity for any additional crimes or civil infractions he chooses to commit.
And the Major League Baseball Players association has finally agreed to take a stand on testing for performance-enhancing drugs. Starting in the 2008 season and continuing through the 2009 season, the MLBPA has agreed to begin random testing on all retired members of the union. Once results are in, the union will look at possible further testing.
It looks like Terrell Owens is finally starting to show his true colors. Now he is chastising the Cowboys coaches for not making sure he gets his requisite number of drops per game. And today he started calling Jessica Simpson out for bringing bad luck to America's team. When's the last time he checked his own ju-ju? If there is such a thing as karma, Texas stadium will be full of coal by Christmas.
Bob Costas in his weekly radio rant lamented the fact the Baseball Hall of Fame electors failed to enshrine Major League Baseball Player's Union architect, Marvin Miller. We think its just a matter of time: Miller's bust will be going up in Cooperstown just as Satan drops the puck for the first NHL game in Hell.
Hope Santa has a tanker truck full of Geritol for that pitiful looking Baltimore Ravens squad. Is it really possible to watch a team age right before your eyes? Nobody in the NFL has been worse over the last 7 weeks and the Ravens are 0-Fer including bowing to the lowly Dolphins.
Has anybody seen or heard from the Colts' Marvin Harrison over the last 10 weeks? I know the superstar wide-out likes to lay low and keep to himself, but has their even been a Marvin sighting? No better present for Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning than a healed up, rested Marvelous Marvin for the playoffs....
And How 'bout those 5 crazy Falcons sporting their "Free Michael Vick" t-shirts and putting on a mini-demonstration on the sidelines during Sunday's game with the Saints? Is it really possible to be that far out of touch with reality and the public sentiment? Maybe this was Santa's gift to PETA....
The Indiana Pacers have now decided that they will keep Jamal Tinsley out of jail or an early grave by providing him with his own personal security guard to accompany him on his late night search for meaning and ####'s. There is just no way this could go wrong.....
In his column, the controversial and entertaining Jason Whitlock came to the defense of Donovan McNabb, proclaiming that Donovan was one of the top 5 quarterbacks in the league. Hmmm, let's see now, there's Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Tony Romo, Brett Favre, Drew Brees, David Garrard, Ben Rothlisberger, Carson Palmer, Eli Manning.. please stop me when you get to the guy you would give up in exchange for McNabb. Maybe Santa could get Jason signed as the new Patriots GM. It would certainly be a gift for the rest of the league!
The Big Tuna, Bill Parcells has been nosing around the vacated coaching job in Atlanta and its being suggested that he may coach the Dolphins. What could possibly be a better match up for the Fish? And make no mistake about it, Wade Phillips got his Christmas gift last fall when he was hired to coach that Cowboy team put together by Parcells.
And how about Senator Mitchell's gift to all of us old time baseball fans? What could be more satisfying than watching a bunch of cheating, spoiled millionaires squirm and twist in the media wind? Looks like Roger Clemens would have been just another aging lard-bag without some Androl and Human Growth Hormone. If he really thinks he is being slandered he can file that lawsuit. What a pious, bullying fraud!
Here's wishing the whitest of Christmases for the New England Patriots: A densely packed stadium full of snow may well test that ground game that is so sorely out of practice. All I want from Santa is for the Colts to play in New England in the AFC Championshp game, bringing the Pats season to an inglorious 17-1. What could be sweeter?
The University of Michigan holds a special place in the history of college football. The early history of college football in America literally revolves around the victors of the game who hailed from Ann Arbor. From the "Point-a-Minute" juggernauts coached by Fielding Yost from 1901-1905, through the mid-century dynamos coached by Fritz Crisler and Bennie Oosterbaan, the Wolverines churned out victories across the nation and right on into the bowl season. Many of the finest players in the history of the game made their mark at Michigan, including legends like Adolph "Germany" Schutlz, Tom Harmon, Dan Dierdorf, Anthony Carter, Reggie McKenzie, Ron Kramer, the afore-mentioned Bernie Oosterbaan (3 time all-American), Gerald Ford and even that Tommy-come-lately who quarterbacks for the New England Patriots.
Their uniforms are a brilliant combination of maize and blue and their fight song ("Hail to the Victors") is arguably the best in the nation. The university has a long and storied history of academic excellence, despite what many consider a recent decline based on political correctness and left-fringe moonbat political leanings. Clearly the University of Michigan can recruiting favorably with most of the other major schools in the country, excepting perhaps the glamourous warm-weather football factory at USC.
So why has the University of Michigan won a grand total of 1 National Championship since 1948? On the basis of the available evidence, it appears that they have been sorely out-coached. Michigan's big problem in the modern football era, is that the offenses have become more spread out and the game has relied more on speed and the skill positions. Meanwhile, Michigan's coaches have been stuck in the "3 yards and a cloud of dust" mentality that was the stock in trade of the pre-war era Big 10. Since the hiring of Bo Schembechler, the team has wallowed in mediocrity, with the occaisional burst of brilliance. If the University of Michigan and its fans want to move forward and compete for national championships, they need to shake off the lingering ineptitude and dated mindset of the Schembechler era.
I know Bo Schembechler remains beloved by legions of Wolverine fans. My Dad was one of his biggest proponents. But the simple fact of the matter is that Bo seldom won a big game. Bo grew up in the shadow of his mentor, Woody Hayes, with both coaches serving ably at Miami of Ohio. In Bo's playing days at the Miami of Ohio, he played under two of the greatest coaches in the history of football. His first coach was Sid Gillman, offensive genius. Apparently Bo forgot everything he ever learned from Gillman. When Gillman left to coach the University of Cincinnati, the fiery Woody Hayes took over. Bo chose to emulate the style and coaching demeanor of Hayes.
When both became Big 10 coaches, the rivalry was on. While they had very similar Big 10 coaching records (Woody was 152-38-7 while Bo went 143-24-1 with each winning 13 Big 10 Championships), their post season records speak volumes. Woody won 5 National Championships. Bo won 0. Woody was 4-4 in the Rose Bowl and Bo 2-8. Woody coached 29 1st round picks into the NFL, while Bo helped 13 players get drafted first.
Coaching at the Big 10 level, or at any of the major colleges is a complicated endeavor. It requires multiple skills, primarily recruiting and coaching skills. The coach must convince the best players to come to play for him, then he has to provide them with the training and guidance to use their skills most effectively. Of course, marketing, motivation, leadership and administrative skills are involved as well, but it seems that Michigan's problem remains that they get out-recuited and when they aren't recruited, they are out-coached. Woody coached 3 Heisman Trophy winners, Bo 0. Woody produced 56 All-Americans, Bo 39.
Both of the coaches that followed Bo are former Schembechler assistants. I submit to you that the average University of Michigan fan doesn't consider a Big 10 Championship and a loss in a semi-major bowl game as an acceptable level of performance for this once great university. Since 1969 Nebraska has won 5 national championships. (Ok, so they are struggling now, but they will resume their rightful place in college football once they shake off the Callahan blues.) Southern Cal has won 5 and looks ready to rip off a few more. Texas has won 3. The Sunshine State's schools ( Florida, Florida State and Miami) have won 10! Oklahoma has won 4. Michigan's name is always mentioned in the same breath with these schools, yet they have only been able to score 1 National Championship in the last 60 years.
You want excellence? Fielding Yost's Michigan teams from 1901 to 1905 had a combined record of 55-1-1! They averaged 575.2 points per game for an average of 50.44 points per game. Of course no one expects anything like this kind of dominance, but this was where the legend was formed. I would suggest that Michigan fans expect to be in contention for the National Championship every year. Nothing less.
Word to University of Michigan Athletics Administration: I am sure you have deep connections with the Schembechler coaching tree. Sever those. There is a brilliant and hungry coach down I-23 from you that is a proven winner. Jim Tressel has hung you out to dry 6 times out of the last 7. And HE has won a National Title. How are you going to beat him? Your university is rolling in dough and has plenty of money available to offer to a proven winner. Is the Les Miles deal really dead? It's hard to tell these days with guys like Nick Saban makng it impossible to believe anything proffered by a coach on the fence. Find a guy that understands speed and how to open up the offensive side of the equation. Supply him with tall salaries to hire the finest group of offensive assistants in the land. Its the least you can after providing Michigan fans with the same disappointing approach year in and year out. Please turn this last , pitiful Lloyd Carr debacle into a plus by finding the new Fielding Yost!
I offer this paean in memory of the tragic death of Washington Redskin, Sean Taylor. I draw my inspiriration from the early 20th century elegiac poetry of A.E. Housman, specifically: "an Athlete Dying Young." The introduction is a from T.S. Eliot's Wasteland- the Death by Water stanza.
Phlebas the Phoenician, a fortnight dead,
Forgot the cry of gulls, and the deep sea swells,
And the profit and the loss.
A current under sea
picked his bones in whispers. As he rose and fell
he passed the stages of his age and youth
entering the whirlpool.
Gentile or Jew
O you who turn the wheel and look to windward
Consider Phlebas, who once was handsome
and tall as you.
The time you won your team the game
We cheered you on, and showered fame
Upon you. We held you up as though a rock
Star. We knew not the time remaining on the clock.
Considering that the only real challenge left in the regular season for the Hate-riots is with the Steelers coming to Foxborough this weekend, a New England victory will have the Chowderheads and ESPN home-boys declaring their Pats the Team of the Century. This league is all about momentum and putting together a streak at the right time. Mighty tough early, New England looks slow and relatively ineffective lately. What will a 16-0 regular season get them if they are knocked off by the Jaguars in the playoffs? Or the Colts again? Professional sports most painful asterisk?
Note to NFL Announcers: there is no such thing as a Jag-Wire.
Why is it that the most physical teams in the NFL are the biggest crybabies? I thought the whining from Jack Del Rio and his assortment of thugs was irritating until I heard the self-immolating old-timers from Baltimore start to blame their loss on everything and everyone but themselves. Ever heard of winning and losing like a Man?
Speaking of ESPN: what a shame that this brilliant creation has devolved into Chris Berhman and his Boston neighbors shamelessly plugging the local teams while Monday Night finds Tony Kornheiser infuriating every male over the age of 8 by shuttling has-beens and wanna-be's on camera right in the middle of the game. Rumor has it , Tiger Woods text-messaged Charles Barkley while being interviewed by Kornheiser with the note" "Shut up so we can watch the game~!"
Anybody seen Randy Moss? Has the league figured how to stop him? His numbers are awfully puny lately-9 catches for 77 yards in two weeks. Journeyman numbers at best.
This week's Mensa candidates: 1.) Duante Culpepper for blowing out his groin in a footrace. He wanted to prove he was still fast. Well he proved something-he's real dumb and probalby done in the NFL. 2.) Reggie Williams for the block in Ty-juan Hagler's back after the whistle with Maurice Drew-Jones rushing for a first down at the Colts 7. Jags settle for a field goal and the Colts win by 3. Thank you Reggie! and 3.) Joe Gibbs calling 2 time outs in a row and giving Josh Scobee 15 fewer yards to kick for the winning field goal. Did Joe think it was a pit stop or that they were running under a yellow?
Whatever happened to all the hype about Vince Young? Apparently to be a successful quarterback in this league you have to learn how to PASS the ball. Note to NFL Scouts and draft staffs: every college quarterback that is going to be the next Michael Vick or Randall Cunningham or Vince Young is still going to be unable to become a Super Bowl winning quarterback. Find a guy who can stay in the pocket and find his receivers and you have a shot at the big prize: no matter how talented an athlete your wishbone quarterback was at Stud State, he ain't gonna make it running the football in the NFL.
There has been some rumbling from down under in the weak-sister NFC this year, what with the Cowboys and the Packers playing effective football against their softer slates. Favre has been a great story but his body is breaking down and Romo has all the glam and glitz and T.O. is actually acting like a citizen. What is the under on T.O. making it a full season without a melt-down? I would like to place my bet.
Is anyone giving Jon Gruden the kudos he deserves for the 3 ring quarterback audition he ran in the pre-season? Looks pretty smart today.
Will the Lions ever get it together? Kitna has made a valiant effort but he gets no protection and his body is breaking down too. Whatever else the Lions do this post-season, they need to develop a young, franchise quarterback and put together an offensive line to protect him and help him grow. (I know, it's easier said than done.) The amazing job Howard Mudd has done with the broken and patched together Colts offensive line is proof that it isn't just about personnel. You can scheme and coach your way into an acceptable protection scheme.
The game of the century looms large and immediate-Darth Belichik and the New England Patriots have stolen the World Champion Indianapolis Colts' thunder as they have become the NFL's offensive juggernaut du jour. Even in 2005, while the Colts made the most serious run at an undefeated season since the 1972 Dolphins, they were considered a one dimensional, high-scoring modern day Air Coryell. Ah, but then the Colt's delivered and won their first Super Bowl.
Now the Pats have had an incredible run early this season: Brady is throwing TD's at a pace that seems sure to break Peyton Mannings' single season passing touchdown record. Randy Moss is being the modest, humble, model citizen we have all come to love and respect and the brilliant off-season acquistions orchestrated by Belichik and company are cooking with gas. A couple of questions need to be addressed before the big game:
How did the Patriots get to this point and how do the Colts go about dismantling the ESPN/
