It’s all about things being broken this week. Broken bones, broken hearts, and as painful as it sounds, even a testicular fracture. Before I become a broken record, let’s just get to the tomato throwin’…


Throwing Tomatoes – Volume IX


Seattle SuperSonics and its Ownership
…for packing up and moving to Oklahoma City.
It’s always tough to see a team move. I feel for the fans of Seattle… for a lot of reasons. The Mariners enter the season with hype and falter. The Sonics never quite got it done in the 90’s. Now they add a potential star in Kevin Durant, only to have their team pack up and leave for the nation’s heartland.

A-Rod’s Love Life
…for finding a way to get all intertwined into the sports pages.
If I wanted to read about A-Rod and something besides his game (baseball game that is), I would pick up a Cosmo or People, or maybe even turn on TMZ. The only splitting I want to hear about is his bat after a high-and-tight fastball. Unless soon-to-be ex Cynthia has some more vulgar shirts, perhaps directed at Madonna. Maybe A-Rod has one for Lenny Kravitz… such as: “If You Can’t Say No”, then don’t “Dig In” with an “American Woman”. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Chris Snyder
…for not taking better care of the “family jewels”.
Poor Chris Snyder. He’s on the DL. But wait, it gets worse. He’s out with a testicular fracture. A busted nut if you will. The irony is, Snyder was replaced on the Arizona roster by Robby Hammock. Get well soon Chris.

Michael Beasley
…for getting injured minutes into the Heat’s opening camp practice.
OK fine, so it’s a cracked bone. That still counts as being broken. I get that he can still play, but stemming off the drama that already existed with Pat Riley apparently not being crazy about the pick, now this happens to Beasley in his opening practice? Get ready for some drama on South Beach this year.

George Sherrill
…for not trusting his fastball.
Blowing a save hurts a closer… and a team. But how about blowing back-to-back games when your team has the lead, two outs, and two strikes in the 9th inning. That’s what Sherrill did last week. I believe both pitches were on hanging sliders too.

The Brett Favre Saga
…for not going away.
This tomato is not directed at Favre himself, but more so at the rumors and sources that desperately continue to resurrect stories on Favre making a triumphant return to “Cheeseland”. C’mon people, let’s figure this story out and put it to bed.

Aaron Rodgers
…for ticking off some of the best fans in football.
Aaron Rodgers has upset Green Bay fans already and he hasn’t even taken the field yet. To further explain, Rodgers was quoted as saying “I don’t need to sell myself to fans, they need to get on board now or keep their mouths shut”. I wonder if the Brett Favre rumor came out to try and “stir the pot” more, perhaps making some Green Bay fans long for their Hall of Fame QB to change his mind and return for one more year? Rodgers later apologized, but something tells me he’ll still hear some boos at Lambeau Field when the season starts.

The Colorado and Florida Pitching Staffs
…for giving up 35 runs and 43 hits in one game
OK, so I throw a tomato at the pitching staffs of the Marlins and Rockies for their Fourth of July slugfest that provided fans with plenty of offensive fireworks. It was like teeball out there. Still, how I wish I was one of the fans sitting in the seats at Coors Field on the night when Colorado walks off with a crazy 18-17 victory over the Marlins. Now that’s exciting!

Troy Tulowitzki
…for injuring himself out of frustration.
It’s just been one of those years for the Colorado shortstop. This time, he’s visiting the DL due to a cut on his hand (that required stitches). How’d he get it? Try by slamming his bat down, only to have it slice his hand open. That’s call for an extra-large tomato… and a little Neosporin too.

People Drinking Wimbledon “Haterade”
…instead of watching the Finals this weekend.
Tennis fan or not, if you missed this weekend’s Wimbledon finals, then you missed something special. Especially on the men’s side, where Rafael Nadal was able to knock off five-time Wimbledon champ Roger Federer in a match that lasted nearly five hours.

The Orioles on Sunday
… and the fact that they just can’t win.
Make that 13 consecutive losses for the Baltimore Orioles on Sundays. Yes, that’s 13. The O’s haven’t won on Sunday since the opening week of the season, with the latest setback being a difficult 11-10 loss to the Rangers at Camden Yards. Maybe the Baltimore faithful can give Adam “Pacman” Jones a call. I hear he can make it rain and he’s free on Sundays until the Fall. Oh wait, that’s… nevermind.

Tyson ####
…for only qualifying for the 100m in the upcoming Olympics.
#### suffered a severe cramp during the 200 meter Olympics Trials race, therefore knocking him out of the competition for a medal in Beijing. One of the fastest men on the planet, and because of a cramp, he won’t have a shot.

Honorary Tomato Throwers of the Week
Because those who found success earn a chance to sling one at their opposition

Milwaukee Brewers – at the NL Central after reportedly trading for Cleveland ace C.C. Sabathia
Kyle Busch – at the NASCAR field after winning his sixth race of the 2008 season.


This has been “Throwing Tomatoes”… let the countdown begin until the next “Brett Favre to Return” rumor surfaces.

I recently had an interview with Punxsutawney Phil, who is the famous groundhog that informs everyone whether there will be a prolonged winter or not.  According to the tradition, on Groundhog Day (February 2), if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.  If Phil does not see his shadow, an early spring is expected. 

As it also turns out, Phil is quite the sports fanatic.  He mentioned that whether he sees his shadow (or not) doesn’t just predict the weather.  Phil informed me that not only does him seeing his shadow determine the weather forecast, but it also tells us a great deal of sporting results for the upcoming year.  What are they?  Well, you’re in luck, as Phil has authorized me to pass along a few of these sport related results over to you.

Today, Punxsutawney Phil did NOT see his shadow.  Once again, that means that we should expect an early spring this year.  Thankfully we will not see an additional six weeks of winter.  Well, thankfully to some, but likely not the avid skiers.  In addition, Phil also passed along that NOT seeing his shadow ALSO means the following:

 

0 additional wins for Anna Kournikova

(We didn’t need Phil for that one – I told him I think she retired anyway – He said “Who cares, we have Sharapova”)

 

1 more year for Brett Favre

(Damn, he’s good…  that was just announced today – He wouldn’t tell me if the Pack would make the playoffs though)

 

1 more hitter in baseball batting .400

(He refused to tell me who, when, and for which team – I joked it would be Bonds going 4 for 10 with 396 walks)

 

1 “Missing Person Sign” with David Duval’s face on it

(Not sure if this was a joke or not – Phil sure has a mean poker face)

 

1 more chance for Coughlin to succeed in New York

(He said the guy was lucky to get that opportunity)

 

1 top draft pick saved for the Philadelphia Flyers

(“Easier than shooting fish in a barrel” he said)

 

1 more Caddyshack sequel, with him starring in it

(He promised me NO Jackie Mason this time – I swore him to it and told him it was a gopher in the movie, not a groundhog – He didn’t care)

 

2 more double-digit win streaks for the Phoenix Suns

(He described them as “filthy” – he meant it in a good way though)

 

2 additional weeks of injury for Grant Hill of the Magic (Poor guy is keeping the Orlando medical centers in business)

 

2 more tangles between Pedro Martinez & Don Zimmer

(We had a good laugh over this one – Ahh, “Zim”… the spirit was willing)

 

3 more consecutive victories for Tiger Woods

(He said he was “earning his stripes” – I told him that joke just wasn’t going to cut it)

 

3 more complaints to hockey officials by Brendan Shanahan

(He offered some cheese with his “whine”)

 

4 more teams tanking NBA seasons in order to increase chances of drafting Greg Oden

(I also inquired about Kevin Durant, believe me)

 

4 more free agents signed by the Chicago Cubs

(He asked if they had already received permission to expand the team roster – that usually doesn’t happen ‘til the playoffs)

 

5 more tackles for Brian Urlacher in Super Bowl XLI

(That “filthy” word came up again, and I agreed)

 

5 more accusations directed at Barry Bonds

(“’Nuff said” was his response to this one – I just nodded and smiled back at him)

 

6 more weeks of jail time for the “Jailbird” Bengals

(Ditto to the Bonds response – We both agreed that we feel bad for Carson Palmer, Marvin Lewis, and the Cincy fans)

 

7 more dropped balls for T.O. next season

(He wouldn’t tell me for what team though, no matter how much I begged)

 

9 million additional luxury tax dollars for the New York Yankees (He said the Red Sox may catch them if they keep trying to trade for big dollar veterans)

 

11 more assists for Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins

(He told me the ‘Pens were back – I asked if the Pens would always be back to Pitt… he didn’t answer)

 

13 more consecutive winning sets for Roger Federer

(I asked him if he would be the best ever, he wouldn’t answer that one either)

 

17 more goals for Alexander Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals

(He said eventually this guy would lead the Caps back to the playoffs… and soon)

 

 

19 additional at bats for Sammy Sosa

(He made some joke about this making it a grand total of 21 for the season)

 

21 more yards rushing for Joseph Addai in Super Bowl XLI

(He said he is one of the untold stories of the Super Bowl, and that the focus has been on many others)

 

42 additional missed free throws for Shaquille O’Neal (He said the guy needs to start shooting underhand)

 

That is all the information that Phil was willing to give me unfortunately, but he did mention there were more locked in his vault.  Maybe I can get more out of him next year.  He also informed me that these numbers do not always mean exactly what the team or individual will have by year’s end, but instead that “him not seeing his shadow” has affected the overall final numbers in that way.  Quite uncanny, I must say.  I never knew the little guy had so much power.  Never get on his bad side that is for sure!

 

Finally, I bet your local Meteorologist can’t provide numbers like that!  Next time you are looking for sports news and local weather, give Phil a call.  Then again, he also wanted me to mention that his number is unlisted.  Good luck anyway… and Happy Groundhog Day!