Greetings… Smart Donkey here!  If you want to know more about my personality then think of another term for donkey.  That is me in a nutshell… plus I tend to talk in the third person at times.  Overall, I am frequently short on the analysis, yet high on the trash talk and smart remarks.  What can I say?  After all, I truly am an ####.  And now let's talk sports before someone pins the tail on me…

 

Wild Card Weekend – Post-Game Banter

The NFL playoffs are in full swing, and here is the Smart Donkey recap of Wild Card Weekend...

Colts  23  /  Chiefs  8

Peyton Manning had yet another subpar playoff performance, but this time the Colts advanced anyway.   But of all the possible scenarios for this game, could anyone have predicted the Indy “D” to be as spectacular as they were last weekend?  Larry Johnson was held to 32 yards rushing on 13 carries, and the Kansas City offense was held without a first down until the third quarter.  “Bravo” to the Indy defense, as I haven't seen a coming out party like that since Neil Patrick Harris (a.k.a. Doogie Howser M.D.).  Donkey had a bet as to which value would be higher: Kansas City’s total number of first downs in the 1st half or the total number of albums sold by Kevin Federline that weekend.  Donkey thought he was a shoo-in for a victory, but Federline won 1-0.  However, Donkey later found out that K-Fed bought his own album, therefore resulting in a stalemate.  Either way, Donkey is not betting with that mule again. 

Seahawks  21  /  Cowboys  20

Wow, what a wild finish!  I haven’t seen a game that wild and crazy since… well… a few days prior when Boise State defeated Oklahoma in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl.  Checking my NFL playoff picks, with the victory, I can now write down Seattle in permanent ink.  Fortunately for me, I had a pen to use due to the fact that I found T.O.’s Sharpie near the sideline at Qwest Field in Seattle.  He must have dropped it.  After post-game, I tried to toss it over to Tony Romo (to give back to Owens), but he bobbled the pen and lost it too… so I gave up and took it home.  The ink flows magically, unlike that of the Dallas offense.

Patriots  37  /  Jets  16

Until last Sunday, this game’s two head coaches may have been feuding more than Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell.  However, after the game, Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini greeted each other with a post-game hug.  Perhaps this could be a sign of an improved relationship down the road.  Later, Belichick publicly apologized for shoving a cameraman on his way to greet the Jets coach. Donkey thinks he was just trying to keep the man from snapping still shots and close-up images, therefore allowing people to have a better chance at copying the New England coach’s supreme fashion.

>>Belichick definitely didn’t turn down a job at GQ to coach the Pats

Eagles  23  /  Giants  20

Midway through the season, the Giants were considered a favorite to play in Super Bowl XLI.  Oh how a season can change.  New York’s defense lost the battle in the trenches against the Eagles, allowing Brian Westbrook to rush for 141 yards on 20 carries.  Tiki Barber had 137 yards rushing in the final game of his career, but the Eagles appeared to be more physical down the stretch.  All in all, after starting the season 6-2, the Giants fell apart.  Donkey hasn’t seen a collapse like that since the Yankees gift wrapped the ALCS and hand delivered it to the Red Sox in 2004.  Sorry New York fans, that’s two zings in one paragraph.  No soup for Donkey!  On the other hand, the Philadelphia Eagles continue to play solid football with steady veteran QB Jeff Garcia at the helm.  The streaking Eagles will now advance to take on arguably the best story of the NFL season, which is first-year coach Sean Payton and the New Orleans Saints.

Divisional Playoffs – Pre-Game Chatter

Colts at Ravens

The Colts are returning to Baltimore.  I wonder if they will be showing up in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping.  There is no doubt that fans of the Ravens are still bitter at the Colts, and have been waiting for a playoff match like this for years.  Donkey thinks that Baltimore fans will be frostier than an old man who misplaced his Viagra before Bingo night.  Meanwhile, the Indianapolis defense not only has to deal with another quality back in Jamal Lewis, but also an elusive quarterback in Steve McNair.  Donkey has a hard time seeing Peyton Manning have two poor games in a row, even against a stout Ravens defense.  Therefore, as long as the Indy run defense doesn’t leave open holes the size of the Grand Canyon, the Colts should squeak this one out in a hostile environment.  With the Ravens fans angry and completely on edge, Donkey’s best advice would be for each team’s QB to not do their best impression of Mike Vick (and he’s not referring to Vick’s blazing speed). 

 >>Keep using that finger Peyton, and you’ll be OK

 

Eagles at Saints

The New Orleans Saints are the feel good story of the NFL this year, and feature an explosive offense led by former Purdue QB standout Drew Brees, as well as promising rookies Reggie Bush and Marques Colston.  On the other hand, Philadelphia is arguably the hottest team in the NFC.  One downside for Philly fans is that the Eagles have lost pro bowl corner Lito Sheppard for the game due to a dislocated elbow injury that he suffered last week against the Giants.  That injury could help the potent New Orleans offense in a big way.  It could also feature the Eagles secondary having less coverage than Britney Spears during a night out on the town.  Because of that, I’ll pick the Saints by a human nose.  If I took them by a donkey’s nose, I would be calling for a blowout.

Seahawks at Bears

Donkey thinks this could be the most unpredictable game of the weekend.  For starters, Rex Grossman has more personalities than Russell Crowe’s character in “A Beautiful Mind”.  The question is which Rex will show up on Sunday?  The lethal Chicago defense, which has struggled as of late, should be ready to go at home.  On the other hand, the Seahawks are a different team away from home, and have been in recent years.  Coming off a wild win at home against the Cowboys, Seattle should be riding a playoff high.  Either way, if the Seahawks show up and walk onto the field Sunday afternoon, that will already be a better performance than in Week 4, when the Bears annihilated Seattle 37-6.  Holmgren should keep this one closer, but Donkey will go with “Da Bears”

Patriots at Chargers

What a matchup in this game, as Tom Brady and a New England franchise rich in playoff success take on San Diego, the team with the best record in the NFL (14-2) and featuring the NFL’s MVP in LaDainian Tomlinson.  This game will be interesting, and could easily feature either a hard fought defensive battle, or result in more scoring than a night out with Paris Hilton.  Overall, Donkey thinks the difference maker in this game is not Brady, not LT, but in fact playoff rookie and San Diego QB Philip Rivers.  No doubt the Patriots hope to frustrate Rivers more than a one-legged man would be when participating in a butt kicking contest.  For once, Donkey will have to pray for no OT in this game, as Jack Bauer will return shortly after the expected end time of the game!  Donkey gives a slight edge to San Diego, especially if they sport those nifty powder blue jerseys.

Other Nuggets

Don’t worry, not those kinds of nuggets...

Florida vs. Ohio State (Tostitos BCS National Championship)

There is that chip brand again… Donkey is getting hungry.  Perhaps all this mention of Tostitos could get Donkey’s name in lights.  Attention Frito-Lay: Please feel free to send along a free shipment of tasty Tostitos and chunky salsa to Donkey’s address.  Anyway…this game reflected the perfect example of the phrase “Never listen to everything that you read”.  Every sports analyst stated that the Gators didn’t stand a chance in this game, yet Florida went on to win 41-14 in a laugher.  Donkey certainly learned his lesson regarding listening to everything that he reads.  For example, today he had a Chiquita banana that had a sticker on it that stated “Place Sticker on Forehead.  Smile.”.  He did… probably not the best idea considering he has fur on his head.  Donkey looks like Terry Bradshaw on a good day now.

NFL Coaching Carousel

The Miami Dolphins have been rumored to have 12 candidates in the running for their head coach position.  12 total candidates?!  Horse feathers!  Why stop there?  Let’s toss Rich Kotite into the mix.  While we’re at it, how about bringing Jim Mora Sr. out of retirement?  After all, Mora Sr.’s “Playoffs - Playoffs?!” tirade would be fitting considering the current state of the Miami franchise  

The Arizona Cardinals are also in search of a new coach after letting Dennis Green go.  Dennis Green is what Donkey thought he was!  Overall, the Cards should be thankful for their new stadium, because after another disappointing season, without it there may have been more attendance at a Basic Instinct 2 screening.  

Gotta go… Hee Haw is on!

Signed, the Smart Donkey

 

 

Step right uppppppppp, hurry hurry hurrrrryyyyyyyyyyy…

Place your votes!  Make your voice heard for the 1^st Annual Krispies!

The what?  Krispies?  Are you referring to those tasty treats that are made from a popular cereal?  Noooooo, but you are correct, those are quite tasty.  KRISPIE stands for:

Kevin’s

Rewards for

Individuality,

Specialty,

Playability,

Incredibility, and

Excellence

Here are my awards for 2005.  Feel free to cast your votes and opinions.  There are ten total awards, in which five will be displayed in “Versus” format and five in “Winner/Honorable Mention” format.  I plan to split the awards into two separate postings, featuring five awards in each. 

Hope you enjoy these random awards, and in the spirit of awards to be given, good luck to all participating in the “Next Great Sportswriter” contest.  There are many great blogs out there, and I wish all of you the best.  Unfortunately, the judges may miss reading this one, but I still had a lot of fun writing it.  Enjoy!

And now, without further ado…

The Nominated Krispies for 2005 are: 

<<<<<<< Drum Roll >>>>>>>

 

BAD SEED AWARD

  VS. 

   TERRELL OWENS                  RON ARTEST

My Vote:  Terrell Owens

Thoughts:  Terrell Owens single handedly tore apart a great deal of the chemistry of the Philadelphia Eagles team this year.  All the injuries the Eagles had certainly did not help, but if Owens had been more of a teammate the Eagles may still be in the playoff hunt.  Artest is no doubt a “hothead”, but has solid relationships with many of his teammates.  Now, both of these players will more then likely end up on new teams in the near future.  The real question is: Which teams will take on each of these personalities?

 

FALLEN STAR AWARD (Backup that Responded Best)

  VS. 

   BRAD JOHNSON                 RYAN HOWARD

My Vote:  Brad Johnson

Thoughts:  This one is a tough call with Johnson replacing Daunte Culpepper admirably, and the young Ryan Howard filling in for the injured Jim Thome.  Both the Vikings and Phillies lost superstars, and both bench players responded by helping each team “catch fire" late in the season.  Furthermore, both teams just missed the playoffs.  Therefore, it is a tough vote to make.  I voted for Brad Johnson, as I felt he had more to prove upon being an aging veteran that had lost his starting spot in recent years.  Howard, on the other hand, had the talent but was not yet presented with the opportunity.  Once it was given to him, many figured he would steal the spotlight.    

 

BEST NAME IN SPORTS AWARD

WINNER:  #### Trickle 

I’m not by any means an avid NASCAR fan, but I always knew of the name #### Trickle.  As far as I know, he has since retired but in my mind still deserves the award.  I feel bad for the guy though, as I’m sure he took a lot of abuse as a child.

Honorable Mention:  Albert Pujols

Another great name in the world of sports, Albert will be crushing balls out of stadiums for years to come.  Also, this year, Pujols finally received his first MVP award in 2005

.

WORST DRESSED AWARD

WINNER:  Oregon Ducks

This guy (see left) is so ashamed to wear this jersey, he can’t even look at the camera!  I’m mentally preparing myself for Oregon hate mail to come my way.  If it is any consolation Ducks fans, the white jerseys the team had on for the Holiday Bowl were completely tolerable and not painful for my retinas. 

Honorable Mention:  “My Blue Heaven” Tuxedo Baseball Jersey

Here is an obscure movie reference.  Does anyone remember the movie “My Blue Heaven” with Steve Martin and Rick Moranis?  At the end of the movie, Martin’s character builds a baseball stadium for kids, and dresses the team up in baseball jerseys that look like tuxedos.  I tried to find a picture of them, but was unsuccessful.  If I can track one down, I will be sure to include it on this page.  Take my word for it when I say that they were absolutely hideous. 

FASTEST ON THE PLANET AWARD

  VS. 

  MICHAEL VICK              THE ROAD RUNNER

My Vote:  The Road Runner

Thoughts:  Wile E. Coyote could never catch the Road Runner.  Many defenses couldn’t either.  Vick would have been the obvious choice in my mind, but then the Atlanta coaching staff had to go with the plan to try and keep him in the pocket more often.  Let Vick be Vick.  If you do that, maybe he can take the award next year. 

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 OF THE KRISPIE AWARDS, which will feature the other five awards for the year 2005! 

Happy New Year!!