First-team All-Americans, Heisman award watch candidates… all rubbish. Borrrrring. Let’s instead focus on the elite college football players that are doing their best to flush their futures right down the toilet. That’s right football fans, more and more, we keep seeing talented players getting into the news for all the wrong reasons… so much in fact that one could easily form up a starting roster that could compete with the team that played on “The Longest Yard”. Honestly, it’s sad how often this is happening in college sports today. It really is.

Recently, reports of misconduct in college football keep pouring in, practically on a daily basis. Heck, the SEC alone can give us a starting lineup chock-full of college football delinquents.

With that being said, I give you the “SEC All-Penal Team”…

2008 SEC All-Penal Team

Quarterback

Starter: Ryan Perrilloux – LSU

Offense: Used brother’s ID to get into casino, plus a federal investigation in which he’s a person of interest in a counterfeit ring, nevermind his latest undisclosed transgression.

Backup: Stephen Garcia – South Carolina

Offense: Keying a professor’s car, as well as failing to obey orders of an officer of the law.

3rd Stringer: Jared Foster – Ole Miss

Offense: Transfer quarterback whose previous rap sheet include alcohol possession by a minor, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor, while in high school. Those charges were dropped if he agreed to assist with a steroid investigation, as well as stay clean. He was later charged with selling steroids, and has since been kicked off the team.

Did Roger Clemens deny knowing him too?

Running Back

Starter: Brandon James – Florida

Offense: Possession of a controlled substance (less than 20 grams of cannibis)

Backup: Arian Foster – Tennessee

Offense: Disorderly conduct and underage alcohol consumption

Fullback

Starter: Fred Munzenmaier – Georgia

Offense: Underage possession of alcohol and walking in a roadway

Backup: David Holbert – Tennessee

Offense: Underage consumption of alcohol and disorderly conduct

Wide Receiver

Starter: Dion Lecorn – South Carolina

Offense: Marijuana possession

Starter: Ahmad Paige – Tennessee

Offense: Misdemeanor for marijuana possession (a freshman offensive lineman – William Brimfield – and a high school student in town for a recruiting trip, were both present in the car during the act)

I heard the recruit also gave his verbal to the officer that night. Apparently, they also have to get their recruits stoned, in order to sign them?!

Backup: Gerald Jones – Tennessee

Offense: Misdemeanor for marijuana possession

Offensive Lineman

Starter: Ronnie Wilson – Florida

Offense: Firing a semi-automatic rifle in the air during a dispute that began at a nightclub. Eventually charged with aggravated assault, battery, and display of a concealed weapon

Starter: Anthony Parker – Tennessee

Offense: The All-SEC first teamer was recently arrested for disorderly conduct.

Starter: Zhamal Thomas – LSU

Offense: He was kicked off the team due to a burglary charge.

Defensive Lineman

Starter: Marcus Harrison – Arkansas

Offense: Felony possession of ecstasy.

Starter: Jeremy Elder – Alabama

Offense: Arrested on two counts of first-degree robbery.

I heard he was also a steal in the recruiting process…

Defensive End

Starter: Jermaine Cunningham – Florida

Offense: Disorderly conduct, after a dispute over a bag of potato chips at a restaurant at 2am.

You can never eat just one, can you?!

Starter: Brandon Deaderick – Alabama

Offense: Disorderly conduct, and an altercation outside of a bar.

Linebacker

Starter: Brandon Fanney – Alabama

Offense: Arrested for disorderly conduct in front of a bar.

I wonder if he was playing with his “fanney”…

Starter: Derrick Odom – LSU

Offense: Breaking and entering into a residence

Backup: Dustin Lindsey – South Carolina

Offense: DUI

Defensive Back

Starter: Donovan Baldwin – Georgia

Offense: DUI at 3:05am

Starter: Troy Giddens – LSU

Offense: Second-degree battery and one count of battery (on his teammate, by the way), while his previous rap sheet also includes identity theft and simple burglary.

Safety

Starter: Antonio Wardlow – Tennessee

Offense: Disorderly conduct, underage consumption, and public intoxication

I think we should call Phillip Fulmer “The Warden” from now on…

Backup: Jamarca Sanford – Ole Miss

Offense: Disorderly conduct at 1:40am

Kicker / Punter

Starter: Britton Colquitt – Tennessee

Offense: Numerous alcohol related arrests, including the latest in which he drove into a parked car (while intoxicated).

I sense some irony here, considering all the alcohol drunk by a “booter”… if you catch my drift.

Backup: Kyle Keown – Vanderbilt

Offense: Domestic violence and aggravated assault on his ex-girlfriend

There you have it, the 2008 SEC All-Penal team. Something tells me that high school-kid-turned-Tennessee-recruit may be headlining the 2009 squad. All in all, this list is quite alarming.