This week’s tomatoes get delivered in four packs, in honor of #4 himself, Brett Favre. While the Favre saga is ongoing (and quite tomato-worthy), it certainly isn’t alone.
Where do you direct your tomatoes this week?
Throwing Tomatoes – Volume X
The “Brett Favre Saga” …for getting more confusing by the day. This whole thing is getting a little out of hand. First, we hear about the text to Ted Thompson. Then the request for reinstatement. Next, Green Bay declines Favre’s release request. We hear rumors of Favre being a backup, plus the chatter about a Packer fan rally. Heck, another six-pack of stories likely popped up in the time it took for me to write this sentence. Green Bay Packers …for thinking they can brush off a legend. Listen, I know everyone has a take on this one. We could all vote and it would likely be split right down the middle. Still, I have to say this… while I think Brett Favre could have handled the situation better, I still feel the Packers need to let him come back and be their QB. I understand what Green Bay is doing, but Favre single handedly helped revive this historical franchise, which was stuck in the dumps for years. This is how you repay him when he changes his mind and wants to come back for more?
The Packer Fans Rally … for not sounding the least bit impressive. The headlines all over the sports pages discuss a rally of Packer fans backing Favre and chanting for him to return to Green Bay. Yet, you read the story and it discusses a “crowd of over 100”. Really? That’s it? Does that mean the rest of you want Aaron Rodgers? REALLY?
Tampa Bay Rays …for hitting a major bump in the road right when everyone was jumping on the wagon. There are still a lot of games left. With that being said, it isn’t often that you see championship teams struggle for such a prolonged period of time. The losing streak is at seven games. This week’s All-Star game will be a much needed break for the Rays.
People Drinking the Angels Haterade …instead of recognizing how good this team is.
Is it me, or is no one talking about the Los Angeles Angels of
Anaheim? Maybe because the team name confuses them? Either way, the
Angels are tied with the Cubs for the best record in baseball heading
into the All-Star break. And get this, they open the second half at
home against the Red Sox. Time to ask T.O. for some popcorn.
Travis Henry …for testing positive for marijuana. Yep, you got it… it’s just another story about a talented athlete flushing his career right down the toilet after getting into trouble one time too many.
Martin Truex …for failing inspection at Daytona. As a result of the illegal car, Truex and his DEI team were penalized 150 points by NASCAR. That one will leave a mark… and so will this tomato.
Washington Wizards …for the mammoth deal they gave Gilbert Arenas.
Six years and 111 million for Arenas? Seriously? I know the guy can play, but he’s also been injured frequently enough in recent years that I think this is a bit much for “Agent Zero”.
Chicago Cubs …for wheeling and dealing to get Rich Harden. Listen, Harden is painfully talented… painful like the injuries he sustains on a yearly basis. Who else thinks he could suffer another setback before October arrives? Carlos Marmol as an NL All-Star Replacement …for Kerry Wood, who is injured. Are you kidding me? I can’t believe Marmol had the highest vote on the player ballot. There are so many other candidates that are more deserving. Cole Hamels and Chad Billingsley come to mind.
The Orioles on Sunday … and the fact that they just can’t win… again. Make that 14 consecutive losses on Sunday for the Birds. You guessed it, they’re gettin’ one until they can get into the win column.
The Brett Favre Saga…again …for frustrating me one more time. I can’t stop shaking my head at this Brett Favre story. I just had to stop and pause… and sling another tomato. That’s four this go-round for #4 and the tangled web he’s in with the Packers.
Honorary Tomato Throwers of the Week Because those who found success earn a chance to sling one at their opposition
New York Mets – at the NL East after winning nine straight heading into the All-Star break. Philadelphia 76ers – at the Clippers after signing Elton Brand. C.C. Sabathia – at the NL after getting his second win in as many starts as a Brewer. Ian Kinsler – at AL pitching after his hit streak was extended to 25 games.
This has been “Throwing Tomatoes”… and please… no more texts of “2-MAY-2” sent to me. Is that you Brett?
It isn’t quite the All-Star Break for baseball, yet most of the league’s teams are at or past the halfway point of this year’s grueling 162 game season. With that being said, there are certainly a number of teams and players that have already stood out in a negative way.
Yep, they’re askin’ for it. It’s a special edition of “Throwing Tomatoes”… nah, let’s call it a “special delivery”. So get your ammo ready, and let’s start slingin’…
Throwing Tomatoes – Volume VIII ** SPECIAL DELIVERY: Baseball’s Halfway Point
Colorado Rockies (32-50) Eight short months ago, this team was the NL’s representative in the World Series. What happened? A lot of things, including first half injuries to Tulowitzki and Holliday, struggles by staff ace Jeff Francis, and little progress from some of their promising young players. Oh, and Colorado’s pitching staff has a team ERA of 4.70. Only Texas and Pittsburgh are worse.
San Diego Padres (32-51) Injuries to Jake Peavy and Chris Young during the first half certainly didn’t help, but the lack of production by the offense (with exception to Adrian Gonzalez) has been the bigger issue.
Detroit Tigers (41-40) Sure, they’re above .500 and finally getting their act together, but it’s still been a rough first half for a Tigers team that entered 2008 with a boatload of lofty expectations. Offseason acquisition Miguel Cabrera (.279 average, 11 HR, 47 RBI) has been decent since joining the Tigers. Dontrelle Willis, on the other hand… let’s get back to him in a minute.
New York Mets (40-41) and Omar Minaya
Are the Mets suffering from a hangover after last season’s collapse?
That depends on who you ask. Still, this team has way too much talent
to be performing this poorly. Fortunately for Mets fans, the Phillies
are not running away with the East. By the way, Minaya and the front
office deserve a tomato for the way they handled the Willie Randolph
firing.
Cleveland Indians (37-45) One game from the World Series last season, the talented Indians now find themselves in the cellar of the AL Central division. Cleveland’s offense has been abysmal in the first half, batting .246 as a team. That’s good for 27th in the majors.
Seattle Mariners (31-50) After a promising 2007 campaign, the M’s thought they had the door open to the playoffs after acquiring Erik Bedard during the offseason. Instead, Seattle is by far the AL’s worst team. GM Bill Bavasi and manager John McLaren were first half casualties. Who’s next? Troy Tulowitzki (.157 average, 2 HR, 13 RBI) In 34 games this season, Tulowitzki is nowhere near the Mendoza line. That’s a far cry from his 2007 campaign, where he batted .291, with 24 homers and 99 RBI’s.
Barry Zito (3-11, 5.91 ERA) This is not exactly what the Giants were looking for when they signed Barry “The Green Giant” Zito to a monster deal before the 2007 season. What happens if Barry loses 20 games? Shawn Chacon (2-3, 5.04 ERA, and 1 violent act) Chacon didn’t perform well, but more notable was the outburst in which he snapped and threw Houston GM Ed Wade to the ground. Chacon has since been cut by the Astros, and don’t be shocked if he never pitches in the majors again. Francisco Liriano (0-3, 11.32 ERA) With Santana departing, the Twins were depending on Liriano to return to his 2006 form (12-3, 2.16 ERA) after being out for the entire 2007 campaign. Instead, Liriano struggled and was shipped back to AAA. The Twins persevered and have played well anyway.
Eric Gagne (1-2, 6.98 ERA, five blown saves) If you’re like me, you thought the Brewers were crazy to sign Gagne to a ten million, one-year deal, especially after watching him struggle with Boston last year. Salomon Torres has pitched so well in the closer’s role, Milwaukee would be equally as crazy to make a change now that Gagne’s back.
Ryan Howard (.216 average, 113 K’s) While his twenty homers are only three behind the major league lead, Howard has struggled throughout the year. In fact, he’s on pace to eclipse last year’s horrific 199 strikeout total.
Erik Bedard (4-4, 3.79 ERA) Bedard hasn’t exactly been what the Mariners have hoped for this season. Then again, he certainly isn’t the only one to blame for Seattle’s woes either.
Phil Hughes (0-4, 9.00 ERA) and Ian Kennedy (0-3, 7.41 ERA) These were the two young talents that were supposed to help anchor the Yankees’ rotation, while adding youth to an older roster. Neither has panned out at this point. Bronson Arroyo (4-7, 6.19 ERA) After two solid seasons in Cincinnati, Arroyo has struggled during the first half of 2008. Most notable was Bronson’s one inning, ten run disaster against Toronto about a week ago. Homer Bailey (0-3, 8.76 ERA) I’ve always thought it was a bit of a jinx to be a pitcher named “Homer”. Still, one of the game’s most highly touted prospects continues to underachieve in Cincinnati. Dontrelle Willis (0-1, 10.32 ERA, demotion to High-A Lakeland) Willis has been a disaster since joining the Tigers during the offseason. To say Dontrelle (21 walks, 5 K’s) was wild before his demotion to Single A would be the understatement of the year. What’s higher, his leg kick or his ERA?!
Near Misses (Honorable Mentions) Felix Pie, Victor Martinez, Eric Byrnes, Bill Hall, Richie Sexson, Jim Thome, Robinson Cano, Steve Trachsel, Brad Penny, Tom Gorzelanny, Joe Blanton, Pedro Martinez, and Matt Morris.
Honorary Tomato Throwers of the Week Because those who found success earn a chance to sling one at their opposition
Asdrubal Cabrera – at the Toronto Blue Jays during his unassisted triple play on May 13th Jered Weaver – at Mike Scioscia for removing him while having a no-hitter intact Carlos Delgado – at the New York Yankees after having 9 RBI’s on June 28th Mark Teixeira – at the Seattle Mariners after hitting three HR’s on June 22nd
If you get a chance, check out this post’s counterpart, “Gold Stars: Baseball’s Halfway Point”. This has been “Throwing Tomatoes”… now don’t forget to wear red this Independence Day.
That’s right friends, it’s time to hurl some more tomatoes. Don’t worry, this batch is safe. While I go and unwrap a package of these magical red fruits, let me start by preparing to send some in the direction of a particular sports icon, who also has a part-time gig as a rapper. C’mon, you know who I’m talking about…
Let’s get this thing started… where do you direct your tomatoes this week?
Throwing Tomatoes – Volume VII Top of the Vine This Week: Shaquille O’Neal …for giving the media something to chew up and spit out for a month. Per O’Neal during a freestyle rap in a night club the other night, “You know how I be, last week Kobe couldn’t do without me”.
What would have been more fitting to say? This…”You know how I be, recent months the Suns couldn’t win with me. You know my game’s overripe, I choose to rap instead of work from the charity stripe”. Hey, give me a break, I was just freestylin’.
All in all, I shouldn’t complain. This performance was a ton better than any of his movies.
Los Angeles Lakers …for draining the life out of what was an NBA Finals filled with “mega-hype”. It was the Lakers and Celtics in the NBA Finals for the first time in over two decades. It was supposed to be a great series. It was supposed to live up to the hype. It flat out didn’t. Kudos to the C’s though, as they were clearly the better team this time around.
Coco Crisp …for not just charging the mound against James Shields and the Rays days ago, but recently thinking his suspension should be reduced to less than seven games. Rays manager Joe Maddon probably deserves a tomato here too. Still, Crisp should have known Tampa was going to throw at him. He should have kept his cool and not charged the mound. Honestly, I also have to give him a gold star for his dodging of the original punch by James Shields. That was a “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out” type of dodging maneuver right there. I bet the ensuing dogpile didn’t feel too great though.
Pacman Jones …for thinking that changing his name will officially change his image. Sorry Pacman (or Adam is it?), I guess I should think about giving you a “gold star” for trying. Still, I just can’t do it. Leave your name alone, just change yourself. Maybe I’m the kind of guy that needs to see results first.
Johan Santana …for giving up a grand slam to an AL pitcher. That’s right, Felix Hernandez hit a granny off of Santana, the first time an AL pitcher had done so in nearly four decades. What’s the phrase I’m looking for? I believe it’s “even a blind squirrel finds a nut some day”. Sorry King Felix… but hey, take care of that ankle. Baseball Players Using Viagra …as a performance enhancer. I saw this report a few weeks ago via Fox Sports. Still, this story has more than four hours of lasting time (sorry, couldn’t resist that one). Therefore, I had to mention it here. Hmm, I guess the players are going to need larger cups…
The Big Brown Saga …for not disappearing. First off, this was the most disappointing Triple Crown race in years if you ask me. Now, a report on ESPN is stating that a freelance photographer submitted closeups of a loose shoe on Big Brown’s right hind hoof. However, don’t go and try and question the photographer’s “cred”, as Rick Dutrow apparently confirmed this. Still, the Big Brown story is done. Let’s move on to the next horse that will only win the first two legs of the Triple Crown.
Tiger Woods …for making the wrong decision regarding the U.S. Open. I know Tiger is competitive. I know how much he loves to play… and more so, how much he loves to win. I know he wants Jack’s record. I know he wanted that U.S. Open. Still, he’s no superhero, even if he managed to win at Torrey Pines, while basically playing on one leg. Think of it this way, if he sacrifices the U.S. Open to heal more, he then has the British, PGA, and Ryder Cup. That’s more opportunities for big victories. Bad move Tiger.
Don Imus …for being Don Imus. Yes, a race related comment happened again, this time involving Pacman Jones (wait, wait, I remember… Adam Jones). Seriously, this guy should just write up an excuse and apology before every show. Face it “Donny Boy”, you’re under a microscope and will be for life. Get used to it.
Honorary Tomato Throwers of the Week Because those who found success earn a chance to sling one at their opposition
Rocco Mediate – at Johnny Miller for making those ridiculous comments during the U.S. Open Chicago Cubs – at their south side neighbors, who they recently swept out of Chi-town Baltimore Orioles – at their critics who said they would be lucky to win 50 games. Kobe Bryant – at those who said he would never get back to the Finals again without Shaq
This has been “Throwing Tomatoes”… but don’t worry, these weren’t laced with salmonella.
Never out of season, it’s time to break out the tomatoes once again, and direct them at the individuals in sports that deserve them the most. As always, there certainly isn’t a shortage of suitors in my eyes.
Where do you direct your tomatoes this week? Here’s where I feel mine are most deserving:
Throwing Tomatoes – Volume V
NFL McFadden “Haterade” Drinkers …can you say “Adrian Peterson Part Two”? Reports exist that Darren McFadden ran a 4.33 40-time during the NFL combine. Anyone want to consider letting him drop in the draft now? I get why the Dolphins don’t want to take a running back. They have Ronnie Brown and a boatload of other needs. Therefore, if I’m Miami, I trade out of the number one slot and get multiple picks to build the franchise back up. The team dealing with Miami can take McFadden #1. Chicago Bears …for their recent signings. Let me get this straight, one complaint after another about how the Bears need a quarterback, yet they resign both Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman? Is anyone else confused?
Matt Ryan’s Draft Position … and where he falls. Honestly, he seems like a solid enough player, but I just don’t see Matt Ryan as a number one pick. I don’t. I’m no draft expert by any means, but if you ask me, I don’t see one single elite QB in this year’s draft.
College Basketball
Duke Blue Devils …and exactly how good are they? Recent back-to-back losses to Miami and Wake Forest leave us questioning how good these Devils really are. Is this a Duke team destined for another early exit during March Madness? Only time will tell.
MLB
Tampa Bay Rays …for even having internal discussions about signing Barry Bonds. Let your young talented core gel, while also getting some significant time on the field.
Jeff Borris (Agent for Barry Bonds) … for making a comment that “Japan certainly is an option” for Barry to play next season. If so, I think Godzilla may have some competition, considering how big Barry is.
Boston Red Sox … for signing Bartolo Colon to a minor-league deal. I understand the fact that he is a low risk / high reward signing. What I don’t get is why the Red Sox keep blocking players like Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz from pitching in the majors. If you aren’t going to let these young guys pitch, then why not trade them away for Johan Santana a few months ago?
Florida Marlins …for hosting auditions to create a new dance team made of all large males. Very large males. What’s that? No, that wasn’t the sounds of tickets being sold, that was Oscar Mayer trying to buy some real estate at Florida’s stadium.
Randy Johnson …for staying in the game. Something tells me that the 44 year-old version of Johnson would just be playing pitch and catch with this bird (see below). He’s a baseball legend, but I think he should have hung it up a few years ago.
Pedro Martinez … for bragging about dominating the league during the steroid era. Why open your mouth Pedro? Who is to say that you never did any illegal performance enhancing drugs? While no one obviously has any proof, perhaps you were simply never caught. Sure, it’s all speculation, but why draw the attention to yourself during a time when steroids are the hot topic?
NBA
Phoenix Suns …after the Sunday night home court beatdown they took against the Detroit Pistons. As for newcomer Shaq? Try 3 for 8 from the field and 1 for 8 from the line… sounds like no “sun” at all, but instead mostly cloudy with a chance of a tomato…
Dallas Mavericks … for not being road warriors. Has anyone else noticed that the Mavs are 14-16 on the road? They either need to hope that Jason Kidd can help get them that top seed in the West, or they need to learn to play better on the road.
Conference Inconsistency …within the NBA. The Western Conference is a battle right now, with the top seven teams all within three games of each other. Over in the East, the 76ers hold the 8th spot with a record of 25-32. It’s nothing new, but still… Yikes!
Miscellaneous – Golf
Stewart Cink …for not even showing up during the Accenture Match Play Championship Final. Seriously, Cink never stood a chance against Tiger Woods. Heck, the Miami Heat may have more of a shot against the NCAA’s top teams. Zing!
Golfweek on Tiger … and discussing Woods possibly having a perfect season. A perfect season to me is when you win every match or event of that season. Take the Patriots, who went undefeated during the NFL regular season. Tiger Woods skips a number of events. If he can go through the entire PGA season (like many pros do), I would call that a perfect season. Otherwise, let’s not go there. He’s on fire, but he won’t sweep his events in 2008. Mark my words.
Honorary Tomato Throwers of the Week Because those who found success earn a chance to sling one at their opposition
Tennessee Men’s Basketball – for knocking Memphis from the ranks of the unbeaten. Congress – at Roger Clemens Carl Edwards – at the NASCAR field after winning the California 500. Cleveland Cavaliers – at the East after adding major pieces in a blockbuster deal.
This has been “Throwing Tomatoes”… I hope you have some Tide stick handy.
With a 5pm ET deadline looming, Ken Rosenthal of
Fox Sports is reporting that the Mets are inching closer to a record deal with
SP Johan Santana. Certainly, there is
an outside chance that the Mets could botch this deal and fail to sign Santana
to an extension, but I think that chance is slimmer than Mary-Kate Olson’s
waistline. Mets GM Omar Minaya will get
the deal done. Mark my words. After all, a blockbuster deal for an ace is
the perfect way to get the Mets fanbase to forget about last year’s drastic
late season collapse. Well… that is,
until yours truly just reminded them of it.
Once the Santana deal is finalized, the fate of
the Twins will be set in stone. While
Santana for the Big Apple, Minnesota will be left with only the abuse that they
are taking for the return they received for their former ace. Well, that plus the four players they
received, all of which were Top 10 prospects in the Mets organization
(according to Baseball America).
Honestly, the Twins are taking more abuse than
Lindsay Lohan’s car. Minnesota has
caught way too much flack around the industry for the Santana deal. Critics are absolutely thrashing the Twins,
and it just isn’t fair. It isn’t… and
there are a number of reasons why.
First off, plain and simple, you’re talking about
arguably the best pitcher in the game over the last five years. Over the last four seasons, Santana has
eclipsed the 200 inning mark each time, while adding 200+ strikeouts each year,
an ERA under 3.00 three of the four years, and 70 total victories. On top of that, Santana earned two Cy Young
awards. That fact alone is going to
result in most critics feeling that the Twins didn’t receive enough in
return. Let’s face it, NOTHING was ever
going to be enough for arguably the best pitcher in the game. One must also keep in mind that Santana has been
demanding a trade for months. More
recently, Santana became fed up with the Twins dragging their feet on trade
talks, and added a new demand that a deal be completed, or he wouldn’t waive
his no trade clause (if a deal were made during the season). The key point here is with Santana
continuously demanding a trade, Minnesota loses leverage in any deal they were
trying to make, because opposing clubs know that Santana wanted out, and
fast. Therefore, Santana essentially forced Minnesota’s hand. You don’t
think his complaints to be traded didn’t affect Minnesota’s negotiations with
other teams? It keeps the Twins from
allowing other teams to fight over him and up their offers.
Critics are quick to point out that the deals
with the Yankees and Red Sox would have been better. Again, we’re talking about arguably the best starter in the
game. The Twins are going to wait it
out and take the best offer they think they can get. They’re going to wait for the market to unfold, seeing what
exactly they think he is worth. Months
back, the Yankees offered Melky Cabrera and Phil Hughes, and while they’re certainly
talented young players, Minnesota thought they could get more, and I don’t
blame them. On the other hand, the Red
Sox weren’t even willing to include both Jon Lester and Jacoby Ellsbury in the
deal. If Lester, the Sox were only
willing to add Coco Crisp, along with other talented prospects. Are you kidding me? Crisp plays quality defense at times, but
offensively, he has done next to nothing statistically in a very friendly park
for hitters.
The Mets offered four prospects, and while none
of them may carry the name that Hughes or Lester does, there’s still plenty of
potential there. Carlos Gomez and Phil
Humber, while falling somewhat out of the good graces of the New York
organization, still have the talent to emerge into legitimate major leaguers in
Minnesota. Kevin Mulvey and Deolis
Guerra are younger prospects, but projected as potential mid to back end
starters. Certainly, the only
legitimate criticism is Minnesota’s inability to acquire Mets top prospect
Fernando Martinez in the deal. Other
than that, the Twins acquired four players with potential. Sure, prospects are always a gamble, but
as an organization, the Twins have done a stand up job at recognizing young
talent in the past. For example, does
anyone recall a little deal the Twins made with the Giants for A.J.
Pierzynski? Pierzynski was traded from
the Twins to the Giants for Joe Nathan and two minor leaguers. Nathan is still one of the dominant closers
in the game, and the two minor leaguers obtained were Francisco Liriano and
#### Bonser. Enough said.
People must also consider the league
situation. The Twins were able to still
get a fairly legitimate offer, while trading Santana to the National League,
where they will not have to face him nearly as much, if at all. If I’m Minnesota, I make a team like the
Yankees and Red Sox offer slightly more knowing that they will face them during
the regular season, as well as potentially in the playoffs.
And yes, by saying that, I do think that
Minnesota can be a playoff team again… and soon. If you don’t, then you’re just not thinking straight. Sure, the Twins play in a tough division,
but let’s consider the talent that still exists on this team. Francisco Liriano (12-3, 2.16 ERA, 144 K’s
in 121 IP in 2006) is back from injury to stabilize the starting rotation. Star prospect Delmon Young was acquired in a
deal with Tampa Bay. The rest of the
young core is still intact, with C Joe Mauer, 1B Justin Morneau, and OF Michael
Cuddyer leading the way. Even talented
prospects like Nick Blackburn are waiting in the wings, itching to get a chance
to help Minnesota’s major league club.
The forgotten point in this whole debate is the
fact that the Twins did make an attempt to sign Johan Santana to an
extension. The Twins reportedly made an
offer of 20 million per year over four years.
This is impressive for a franchise that can’t financially compete with
teams like Boston and New York on a regular basis. In hearing this, some critics may be quick to chime in and say
“If you can offer four years, then why not the six or seven years that Johan
requires”? Put it this way, what if
Santana begins to decline into his 30’s, becomes ineffective, or even injury
prone? That would leave the Twins with
a 20 million dollar man on the books and no team willing to take him off their
hands.
Overall, we should ask ourselves how this deal
will be perceived in a few years. For
Minnesota, will this deal be considered a “Twin Killing”, as in making a
killing on the deal, or instead a “Twin Killing”, as in getting killed and
beaten down by the media? That part
remains to be seen.
All
in all, critics need to give the Minnesota Twins a break. Instead, if you’re going to trash someone,
try the Houston Astros (who first signed Santana) and Florida Marlins (who
originally acquired him), who were the two teams that had their hands on
Santana before he eventually made his way to the Twins via a trade during the
1999 Rule 5 Draft.
The holidays are over with and another year has
flown by. 2008 has arrived, and with
it, comes another batch of New Year’s resolutions, among which many never get
fulfilled. Yet, each year, each of us
try and try to cross each off our personal lists. What about the individuals in sports? Surely they have some resolutions of their own. Let’s speculate on some resolutions for 2008
that should or could have been generated by some of the people in the world of
sports… New Year’s Resolutions in Sports **
City of Cleveland Boycott country music
Matt Hasselbeck Change my appearance. Try to look like a young Dr. Phil. Seattle Seahawks Make sure no one involved with Seattle’s “12th
Man” makes a comment about putting Joe Gibbs in a casket.
Pittsburgh Steelers Buy more grass than Ricky Williams has stashed in
his closet (Only… buy the kind to help Heinz Field).
Bill Parcells Convince Wayne Huizenga to officially change the
name of his football franchise to the Tunafish.
Cam Cameron Get a job.
Win two games. If anything, try
to avoid sitting at home watching Spongebob Squarepants in your underpants.
Rich Rodriguez First things first, beat all 1-AA schools. Lloyd Carr Send a freshly baked “humble pie” to those who had
Florida in a blowout.
Mark Richt See Lloyd Carr, except send to the chumps like Mark
May who thought Hawaii could compete with the ‘Dawgs.
Mike Vick Invest in “soap on a rope”. Colt Brennan Invest in an ice bath.
Joe Paterno Sell my car.
Charlie Weis Eat less, win more.
Bob Stoops Win a BCS game… uhh… in 2009. Yeah, 2009.
Bill Stewart Teach a class on interim coaching.
Detroit Lions Fire the coordinator with the poorest numbers next
time. Detroit’s
defense was last in yards per game and points per game.
Bill Belichick Send Eric Mangini some choppy videotape footage of New
York’s 4-12 season.
Marvin Harrison Remember what it’s like to play football.
Todd Collins Accomplish something great, but this time, wait less
than 10 years. Tom Brady Buy a bigger trophy case. Also, buy a bigger “little black book”.
Mike Martz Find someone who can manage my attitude while
equally appreciating my talented offensive mind.
Eli Manning Duplicate last week’s performance (vs. New England)
in the playoffs.
Kyle Boller Follow Brian Billick wherever he goes.
Boston Bruins Win 20 straight games so we can compete with the
other local franchises.
New FOX show “The Moment of Truth” Invite Nick Saban, Bobby Petrino, and a handful of
players from the Mitchell Report to participate.
Kobe Bryant Learn the Nair jingle (“We wear short
shorts…”). Then call Janet Jackson
to discuss wardrobe malfunctions (just in case the Lakers bring those shorts
back again). Carlos Delgado Get a clue. After
being quoted as saying that the New York Mets were “the best team last
year”… Uh, hello? The Mets fell harder than the Berlin
Wall…
Willie Randolph Learn the Heimlich Maneuver Inspired
by Carlos Delgado… and the stretch run (or lack thereof) of the Mets
Roger Clemens …
where to begin? Or should I say… where
to end?
Barry Bonds Work on perfecting my “head is big because of my
ego” speech.
Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees Learn to share. Like
anyone ever fulfills their resolutions anyway…
And finally…
The BCS Ha
ha, yeah right… like its creators have any.
** Please note the above resolutions are all
fictional, and simply a product generated from the twisted mind of the
author. While many may seem accurate,
in no way are they the words and thoughts of the aforementioned athletes,
coaches, or organizations. With that
being said, I hope they provided some amusement to help spark a great 2008 for
you. Happy New year and thanks for
reading - KP
The recent Major League Baseball offseason provided a great deal of fireworks, as a number of All-Star caliber players and young minor league talent were traded.By now, all of these players have likely settled into each of their new roles.
Two months into the 2006 baseball season, who has gotten the better of these deals?
Deal 1: Red Sox trade SP Bronson Arroyo to the Reds for OF Willy Mo Pena
BOSTON RED SOX
to
CINCINNATI REDS
SP Bronson Arroyo
à
ß
OF Willy Mo Pena
The Red Sox had a surplus of starting pitchers in their organization at the time and had a need for a situational outfielder that could replace starters such as Trot Nixon from time to time.Enter Willy Mo Pena, a young player with significant power, but a lack of plate discipline.Near the beginning of the season, Pena was more of a bench player, but due to the injury of CF Coco Crisp, Pena has had the opportunity to step in and play a more significant role in the Boston offense.As for Arroyo, he filled a need for starting pitching on the Cincinnati team, who desperately needed another starter to eat up more innings.Here are the stats currently for each player this season.
Player
Team
W
L
ERA
IP
K
BB
Bronson Arroyo
CIN
5
2
2.40
63 2/3
47
14
Player
Team
AB
R
HR
RBI
SB
AVG
Willy Mo Pena
BOS
101
10
4
18
0
.327
Both players have fared well in the first two months of the season.Pena only has just over 100 at bats currently, as he is now replacing the injured Coco Crisp in most games.On the other hand, Arroyo has been nearly flawless thus far.In addition to the stats listed above, Arroyo also has two home runs.While Arroyo has pitched very well for the surprising Reds, it will be only a matter of time until the National League hitters start to figure the unfamiliar Arroyo out.Once that happens, his numbers should rise in the second half of the season (but they will not rise as high as his leg kick).Overall, this is a very close call, as both players have fared well, but at the moment, I would give a slight edge to Bronson Arroyo and the Reds.
ADVANTAGE: Cincinnati Reds
Deal 2: Mets trade SP Kris Benson to the Orioles for RP Jorge Julio and SP John Maine
NEW YORK METS
to
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
SP Kris Benson
à
ß
RP Jorge Julio
ß
SP John Maine
At the time, the Orioles desperately needed a veteran starter to anchor their rotation, while the Mets had additional pitching options and were looking to part with Benson’s contract.In addition, it is also a definite possibility that Anna Benson and her antics had something to do with Kris being traded to Baltimore.The Orioles had also given up on the ability for Jorge Julio and John Maine to be consistent, and decided to move them to New York for Benson, who Baltimore felt would be a good fit with pitching coach Leo Mazzone. Here is how each player has performed so far this season.
will be a much needed break for the Rays.
one will leave a mark… and so will this tomato.
o many other candidates that are more deserving. Cole Hamels and Chad Billingsley come to mind.
” at all, but instead mostly cloudy with a chance of a tomato… 
in the playoffs. 
s 30’s, becomes ineffective, or even injury
prone? That would leave the Twins with
a 20 million dollar man on the books and no team willing to take him off their
hands.
