I recently had an interview with Punxsutawney Phil, who is the famous groundhog that informs everyone whether there will be a prolonged winter or not.  According to the tradition, on Groundhog Day (February 2), if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.  If Phil does not see his shadow, an early spring is expected. 

As it also turns out, Phil is quite the sports fanatic.  He mentioned that whether he sees his shadow (or not) doesn’t just predict the weather.  Phil informed me that not only does him seeing his shadow determine the weather forecast, but it also tells us a great deal of sporting results for the upcoming year.  What are they?  Well, you’re in luck, as Phil has authorized me to pass along a few of these sport related results over to you.

Today, Punxsutawney Phil did NOT see his shadow.  Once again, that means that we should expect an early spring this year.  Thankfully we will not see an additional six weeks of winter.  Well, thankfully to some, but likely not the avid skiers.  In addition, Phil also passed along that NOT seeing his shadow ALSO means the following:

 

0 additional wins for Anna Kournikova

(We didn’t need Phil for that one – I told him I think she retired anyway – He said “Who cares, we have Sharapova”)

 

1 more year for Brett Favre

(Damn, he’s good…  that was just announced today – He wouldn’t tell me if the Pack would make the playoffs though)

 

1 more hitter in baseball batting .400

(He refused to tell me who, when, and for which team – I joked it would be Bonds going 4 for 10 with 396 walks)

 

1 “Missing Person Sign” with David Duval’s face on it

(Not sure if this was a joke or not – Phil sure has a mean poker face)

 

1 more chance for Coughlin to succeed in New York

(He said the guy was lucky to get that opportunity)

 

1 top draft pick saved for the Philadelphia Flyers

(“Easier than shooting fish in a barrel” he said)

 

1 more Caddyshack sequel, with him starring in it

(He promised me NO Jackie Mason this time – I swore him to it and told him it was a gopher in the movie, not a groundhog – He didn’t care)

 

2 more double-digit win streaks for the Phoenix Suns

(He described them as “filthy” – he meant it in a good way though)

 

2 additional weeks of injury for Grant Hill of the Magic (Poor guy is keeping the Orlando medical centers in business)

 

2 more tangles between Pedro Martinez & Don Zimmer

(We had a good laugh over this one – Ahh, “Zim”… the spirit was willing)

 

3 more consecutive victories for Tiger Woods

(He said he was “earning his stripes” – I told him that joke just wasn’t going to cut it)

 

3 more complaints to hockey officials by Brendan Shanahan

(He offered some cheese with his “whine”)

 

4 more teams tanking NBA seasons in order to increase chances of drafting Greg Oden

(I also inquired about Kevin Durant, believe me)

 

4 more free agents signed by the Chicago Cubs

(He asked if they had already received permission to expand the team roster – that usually doesn’t happen ‘til the playoffs)

 

5 more tackles for Brian Urlacher in Super Bowl XLI

(That “filthy” word came up again, and I agreed)

 

5 more accusations directed at Barry Bonds

(“’Nuff said” was his response to this one – I just nodded and smiled back at him)

 

6 more weeks of jail time for the “Jailbird” Bengals

(Ditto to the Bonds response – We both agreed that we feel bad for Carson Palmer, Marvin Lewis, and the Cincy fans)

 

7 more dropped balls for T.O. next season

(He wouldn’t tell me for what team though, no matter how much I begged)

 

9 million additional luxury tax dollars for the New York Yankees (He said the Red Sox may catch them if they keep trying to trade for big dollar veterans)

 

11 more assists for Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins

(He told me the ‘Pens were back – I asked if the Pens would always be back to Pitt… he didn’t answer)

 

13 more consecutive winning sets for Roger Federer

(I asked him if he would be the best ever, he wouldn’t answer that one either)

 

17 more goals for Alexander Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals

(He said eventually this guy would lead the Caps back to the playoffs… and soon)

 

 

19 additional at bats for Sammy Sosa

(He made some joke about this making it a grand total of 21 for the season)

 

21 more yards rushing for Joseph Addai in Super Bowl XLI

(He said he is one of the untold stories of the Super Bowl, and that the focus has been on many others)

 

42 additional missed free throws for Shaquille O’Neal (He said the guy needs to start shooting underhand)

 

That is all the information that Phil was willing to give me unfortunately, but he did mention there were more locked in his vault.  Maybe I can get more out of him next year.  He also informed me that these numbers do not always mean exactly what the team or individual will have by year’s end, but instead that “him not seeing his shadow” has affected the overall final numbers in that way.  Quite uncanny, I must say.  I never knew the little guy had so much power.  Never get on his bad side that is for sure!

 

Finally, I bet your local Meteorologist can’t provide numbers like that!  Next time you are looking for sports news and local weather, give Phil a call.  Then again, he also wanted me to mention that his number is unlisted.  Good luck anyway… and Happy Groundhog Day!