Around the world of the NFL faster than a Texans' collapse, Crappafoni Pictures presents Week 5 of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, complete with hot wings and a cold draft on the side. Enjoy!
THE GOOD
Carolina Panthers: when you toss a shutout, particularly the first one of the season, you get the first listing every single time. But it wasn't just the shutout. The Panthers' defense held Larry Johnson to TWO YARDS rushing. Seven carries, two yards. Six feet. Seventy-two inches. The Chiefs were limited to 127 total yards. FOR THE GAME. Offensively, the Panthers amassed 441 total yards and enjoyed a nearly 2 to 1 advantage in time of possession. Their offensive explosion came despite both of their starting OTs out for the game. Yes, it was the Chiefs, but the Chiefs were coming off a surprising win against the Broncos last week. Could this be the 2003 season all over again?
New York Giants: they methodically administered a beatdown to the Seattle Seahawks. Now unlike the Chiefs, the Seahawks have been a recent playoff contender. The G-men had their way with the Hawks, to the tune of 523 total yards on offense. Brandon Jacobs couldn't be stopped, amassing most of his yardage in the first half, including a 44-yard run that set up the Giants' first TD. Defensively, they held the Hawks to 187 total yards. The G-men are the team to beat in the NFC, if not the entire NFL. Carolina may have something for them when they meet later in the season.
Tennessee Titans: like the Giants, they are still unbeaten. Unlike the Giants on Sunday, they won with a suffocating defense. Their game against the Ravens was a classic case of smash mouth defense. I can guarantee you both teams needed extra Advil this morning! They forced two turnovers, and limited the Ravens to 210 total yards.
Miami Dolphins: could this team be a PLAYOFF team? Judging by how they played, yes. They certainly have improved. Props to the Fins for winning back to back games against the Patriots and Chargers. To hold an explosive team like the Chargers to 10 points, and holding LT to 35 yards on 12 carries, speaks volumes about their defense. Not to mention holding the Bolts to 202 total yards. An extra good goes to their goal-line stand to start the fourth quarter. And it seemed like the Fins had the ball all afternoon, as they held the ball for just over 36 minutes. Ronnie Brown was the stud, gaining 125 yards on 24 carries. Chad Pennington did a great job in managing the game, keeping the Fins out of trouble, and throwing a block that sprung Brown for his TD run. With this win, the Fins have more wins this season already than all of last season.
Arizona Cardinals: to beat a previously undefeated Bills team definitely gets you in this category. The way they did it impressed me! There's so many props to go around, where do I start? I'll start with the defense. They forced four Bills turnovers. They limited Marshawn #### to 55 yards rushing. Kurt Warner was sharp, throwing for 250 yards and 2 TDs. Warner is looking like the Warner of the 1999 season. Steve Breaston has emerged as a third receiver. This team could be very dangerous in January.
Washington Redskins: once again, the Skins did not commit a turnover. They remain the only team in the league to not commit a turnover. Jason Campbell continues to impress, leading the Redskins to a HUGE road win. The Redskins gashed the league leading Eagles' rush defense to 204 yards on the ground. Clinton Portis gained 145 of those yards, including a HUGE fourth down conversion late in the game that allowed the Redskins to run out the clock. Game, set, and match.
Honorable Mention: Pittsburgh Steelers, Chicago Bears, Denver Broncos, Atlanta Falcons.
THE BAD
Detroit Lions: they are an absolutely putrid team. Granted, they lost to a good Bears team, but they got WORKED. And at HOME, no less. No offense, no defense. Perhaps they should change their city name to the Etroit Lions, since there's no D in Etroit. Could they go winless this season?
Kansas City Chiefs: after being so good last week, they return to form. It was like they were clueless on how to game plan against the Panthers. Nothing they tried worked.
Seattle Seahawks: this couldn't go any worse in Mike Holmgren's final season. Even with Bobby Engram and Deion Branch back from injury, that didn't help much. Granted, they did play the defending champs, but there's NO excuse for not being competitive. The BENGALS pushed the G-men to OT before falling. The Seahawks gave up after the Giants' first TD. They are DONE. Stick a fork in 'em.
THE UGLY
Houston Texans: what a colossal meltdown! They had a win practically wrapped up against a front-line team like Indianapolis. Then they proceeded to play giveaway with the Colts. Sage Rosenfels was putrid, committing three turnovers late in the fourth quarter. David Carr thought Rosenfels was putrid. The Colts took FULL advantage, scoring 21 points in a two-minute span late in the fourth quarter.
Those are my nominees for Week 5. Feel free to come in with your nominees!!
Around the world of the NFL faster than the Raiders blowing a fourth quarter lead, Crappafoni Pictures presents to you in high-def intensity, Week 4 of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Sit back and enjoy!
THE GOOD
New York Jets: did Brett Favre turn the clock back 15 years? SIX TD passes! This was the first time the Jets turned him loose. He came within one TD pass of matching the NFL record. Talk about a shootout! If you love offense, this game was for you! It was a high-speed, high-def shootout at the OK Corral won by the J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!, 56-35. Not to be outdone, Kurt Warner passed for nearly 500 yards in the defeat.
Kansas City Chiefs: they earned their first win of the season against the previously unbeaten Denver Broncos. First of all, it was surprising the Chiefs won to begin with. But the way they won was even more surprising: forcing four Denver turnovers and taking advantage of them. Larry Johnson was a stud, gashing the Broncos for 198 yards on 28 carries, including a 65-yarder that set up a TD.
Washington Redskins: going into Big D and putting a beatdown on the Cowboys will get you into this category every single time. Make no mistake, that was a beatdown administered by the Redskins. Yes, the margin of victory was only 2 points, but the game wasn't even that close. Only because the Redskins played prevent defense was it even that close. They enjoyed a nearly 2 to 1 advantage in TOP. Once again, they did not commit a turnover, remaining the only team in the NFL to not commit a turnover this season.
Tennessee Titans: they put a beatdown on a good Minnesota team to the tune of four turnovers. The Titans scored all their TDs off Minnesota turnovers. The defense also registered four sacks and an INT.
Carolina Panthers: could this be shades of the 2003 season? Steve Smith making big plays, Muhsin Muhammad making big catches to move the chains, Jake Delhomme making the passes he needed. Delhomme completed 20 of 29 for 294 yards and 2 TDs. Jonathan Stewart did his best Stephen Davis impression, scoring on an 8 yard TD run. The defense pitched in with two sacks, and limited the Falcons' potent offense to 268 yards.
Chicago Bears: their defense is playing at the level of a few years ago, when they made it to Super Bowl 42. Very tough and swarming. And that goal-line stand! That turned the momentum of the game Chicago's way. Kyle Orton threw for three TDs, all in the first half. Matt Forte kept the chains moving, something they haven't had since Thomas Jones a few years ago.
New Orleans Saints: Deuce McAllister is healthy. Great news for Saints fans, bad news for the rest of the league. McAllister moved the chains and set up Drew Brees to make huge plays. When this team is completely healthy, and they will be by their bye week, this team can be a Super Bowl contender. The Saints' defense had six sacks of J.T. O'Sullivan, and forced three turnovers.
Honorable Mention: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, San Diego Chargers, Buffalo Bills.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: this team is listed first for a reason--THEY SUCK. This is a historically bad team, bad enough that it cost Scott Linehan his job 1/4 of the way into the season. As long as they remain winless, they'll be the first team listed in the Bad category.
Cincinnati Bengals: while this team is a mess, it's not at the level of the Rams, yet. They lost the Battle of Ohio to a slightly less woeful team in the Cleveland Browns. They'll be right behind the Rams for this week, only because the Detroit Lions had a bye.
Oakland Raiders: to say they are a dysfunctional team is like saying the sun rises from the east. They have put the "dys" in dysfunctional. And it's not the team per se; they play hard and sell out for Lane Kiffin. They don't know how to win. You can go on and on about how much Al Davis has contributed to the game, and he has. But his time has come and gone. The downfall of this team started when he let Jon Gruden go. When the Raiders are good, the league is much better for it. Now Kiffin wants to change the losing culture, and he and Davis are butting heads. They had a chance to choke out the Chargers and didn't. They could be 2-2 or even 3-1, but they're 1-3 instead.
San Francisco 49ers: what a horrid display they put on against the Saints. This was supposed to be a good test. They failed miserably. They failed to account for Deuce McAllister, who repeatedly moved the chains, setting up Drew Brees to burn the Niners' secondary for huge plays. The vaunted Gold Rush was fool's gold against the Saints, not registering a sack and putting very little pressure on Brees.
Denver Broncos: what the hell was that, losing to a previously winless team? Not only that, they put a BEATDOWN on your ####. The less said about you, the better. Now go play with the other mediocre teams and stop posing as a playoff team, because you're not.
THE UGLY
Cleveland at Cincinnati: any time two winless teams match up, it goes into this category. Someone HAD to win, might as well have been Cleveland.
Denver Broncos: this team played so pathetic and lackluster they get put in TWO categories this week. FOUR turnovers? Against one of the WORST defenses in the NFL? Yes, they outgained Kansas City, but most of that yardage came in garbage time, well after the outcome had been decided. Actually, three categories--I've added a FUGLY category for the Broncos.
Green Bay Packers: another team posing as a playoff team. Like Denver, the Pack committed four turnovers, only against a very good defense. I'll go easier on them, only because they were playing a very good Tampa Bay defense.
Those are my nominees for the week. Feel free to chime in with yours!
Around the world of the NFL faster than Ed Hochuli's whistle, Crappafoni Pictures presents this week's version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
THE GOOD
New York Giants: they thoroughly dominated a hapless St. Louis Rams. Good teams are supposed to dominate teams like the Rams, and the Giants did so. DE Justin Tuck's Pick Six Special was particularly impressive.
Tennessee Titans: boy, was I ever wrong about this team! The Titans' defense stuffed the Bengals' offense like a Thanksgiving turkey. To hold Carson Palmer to 134 yards passing is especially impressive. Great job by the Titans' defense.
Buffalo Bills: another team I was wrong about. To go into Jacksonville and beat a Jaguars team many thought could reach the Super Bowl, awesome. Trent Edwards was stellar, completing 20 of 25 for 239 yards and a TD.
Green Bay Packers: they ran and passed on the Lions at will, to the tune of 447 total yards and 48 points. Aaron Rodgers continues to prove that the Packers' brass made the right decision, completing 24 of 38 for 328 yards and 3 TDs.
Carolina Panthers: I put them in this category because of their comeback from a 17-3 deficit to win 20-17. Jonathan Stewart continues to impress, scoring twice, the last one coming with less than 4 minutes left in the game. The Panthers' defense rose to the occasion in the second half, stuffing Aaron McKie on a fourth and short to seal the deal.
Dallas Cowboys: they took advantage of two gigantic plays: a 72-yard TD pass from Tony Romo to Terrell Owens, and a 98-yard kickoff return from Felix Jones, both in the first half. While the Eagles moved the ball up and down the field, the Cowboys' defense stiffened up when it mattered. DeMarcus Ware showed why he's an All-Pro, not giving up on the play and sacking Donovan McNabb on the Eagles' final possession. They join the Giants, Panthers, Packers, and Cardinals as 2-0 teams in the NFC.
Washington Redskins: they beat a (battered) New Orleans Saints team many (myself included) predicted to reach the Super Bowl. Jason Campbell picked apart the Saints' defense to the sweet, jazzy tune of 24 of 36 for 321 yards and a late 67-yard bomb to Santana Moss that provided the winning margin.
Oakland Raiders: Darren McFadden broke out in a HUGE way. Subbing for the injured Justin Fargas, McFadden rushed for 164 yards on 21 carries and a TD. He also broke off a 50-yard run. They thoroughly dominated the hapless Chiefs in Arrowhead, rushing for 300 yards as a team.
Honorable Mention: Indianapolis Colts, San Francisco 49ers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, New England Patriots, Pittsburgh Steelers.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: this team is GOD-AWFUL bad. They will be LUCKY to win 2 games this season. In fact, they will be competing for the first overall selection in the 2009 draft. They have become the Clippers of the NFL.
Kansas City Chiefs: another awful team, though not as bad as the Rams. Losing at home and getting dominated will get you in this category every single time.
Seattle Seahawks: how could you dominate a team like San Francisco, yet let the game get away from you? And at home, no less? Losing to the 49ers at home gets you in this category every single time.
Cincinnati Bengals: this team is HORRID. No wonder they have Halloween colors; watching this team is a horror show in itself. They will be competing with the Rams for the #1 overall selection in the 2009 draft.
THE UGLY
Pittsburgh at Cleveland: this was a Sunday Night Snoozefest. Missed passes. Dropped balls. A lack of execution by both teams. Granted, it was very windy because of the remnants of Hurricane Ike, but you're pros, you should adapt to the conditions. Either both defenses played stellar, or both offenses were sloppy. I'll bank on the latter. Pittsburgh's defense played better, with Troy Polamalu picking off a Derek Anderson pass to stop a Cleveland drive. Aside from Big Ben's 31-yard TD pass to Hines Ward, he was pedestrian.
Oakland at Kansas City: this was a game between two teams that are biding their time until they set up tee times after Week 17. Another yawnfest.
Ed Hochuli: I have to put him in here because he BLEW three calls, ALL of them shafting the Chargers. He was subsequently graded down by the NFL office.
Those are my nominees for Week 2. Feel free to come in with yours!
I will give my thumbnail predictions for two divisions per day until the regular season begins. Today, the NFC East and South.
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys: on paper, this team has it all: explosive offense, stout defense, and strong special teams. However, they do have a tough schedule, going on the road to Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Green Bay, in addition to the NFC East opponents. Tony Romo should be able to take the next step in his progress. But questions still linger: can Romo win a postseason game? Will Adam Jones fit in with his new teammates? We'll find out, and, yes. Adam Jones gives the 'Boys a lockdown CB they haven't had since Deion Sanders. Plus, he's the best return man not named Devin Hester. Predicted record (playoff seeding in parentheses): 11-5, first place, (2).
Philadelphia Eagles: Donovan McNabb is healthier than he has been in recent years. He has uber-stud RB Brian Westbrook. The defense is still stout, thanks to defensive coordinator Jim Johnson's scheme. David Akers is one of the league's better kickers. And unlike Romo, McNabb has won in the postseason, narrowly losing to New England in Super Bowl 39. (Of course, he had Terrell Owens then) Still, they're not far behind the Cowboys in talent. With a few breaks, they could win this division; they're that good. Predicted record: 10-6, second place (5).
New York Giants: I have revised my pick of this team. After much consideration, I have elevated them ahead of the Redskins, and NOT because of the opening game. I was going to do this on Tuesday but was sick. As long as the front four apply pressure on QB's all season, they'll be fine. Eli Manning will do his thing, the ground game is solid, and this team will be in contention for a playoff bid, but fall short due to a very difficult schedule outside the division. Predicted record: 10-6, third place (no playoffs).
NFC SOUTH
New Orleans Saints: they are loaded offensively. Jeremy Shockey is a tremendous addition to the offense. He gives them the TE that can split the seam for big plays. IF Deuce McAllister is healthy and good to go after surgery on both knees, it's a huge plus. The defense figures to improve from last season. The addition of Jonathan Vilma is huge. He should blossom in the Saints' 4-3 scheme. Keep an eye out for Tracy Porter. He'll blow up as the nickel back. Predicted record: 11-5, first place (1).
Carolina Panthers: Jake Delhomme is back from Tommy John surgery and is healthy again. With Delhomme under center, the Panthers are a MUCH better team. They are returning to their roots: a power running game with Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams. My big question mark is the front four. Aside from Julius Peppers, who I think will rebound and be the monster stud he's been earlier in his career, this unit is the biggest question mark on the team. The LB and DB corps are much better than last season. John Kasay is older and nearing the end of a stellar career, but he's still one of the more accurate kickers. The loss of Steve Smith for the first two games will be tough to overcome. It's going to be the difference between winning the division and being a wild card team. Predicted record: 10-6, second place (6).
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: the defense is the strong point of this team; they finished second overall in the NFL. Offensively, there are HUGE question marks, particularly at WR and QB. Jeff Garcia has been injured most of camp, and when he has appeared in games, he's been rusty. Joey Galloway is still productive, but at age 36 can he be the receiver that has had three straight 1,000 yard receiving seasons? And who can catch the ball other than Galloway? Can Earnest Graham and Cadillac Williams stay healthy? The offensive line is strong, with Jeff Faine being the oldest member at age 26. While the defense will keep the Bucs in a lot of games, the offense has too many question marks. And no team has repeated as division champion since the division was created in 2002. I expect the trend to continue. Predicted record: 7-9, third place (no playoffs).
Atlanta Falcons: when you have a rookie as your starting QB, your team is a mess. Matt Ryan is smart, has poise and toughness, but he's going to get his brains beaten in. Michael Turner is a good addition to the offense and should take some of the pressure off Ryan. The defense is a good mix of veterans and youngsters. While this team is a mess now, they are taking giant steps in the right direction. Give this team another year or two to contend. Predicted record: 3-13, fourth place (no playoffs).
Tomorrow: NFC North, NFC West.
Washington Redskins: this is Jason Campbell's time to shine. With a new coach and some stability, he should improve greatly. Of course, having Clinton Portis and Santana Moss helps. With the addition of Jason Taylor, the pass rush should improve. While the 'Skins are still behind the Cowboys and Eagles, they're moving in the right direction. Give new head coach Jim Zorn a couple of years. Predicted record: 6-10, fourth place (no playoffs).
All around the world of sports, there is no shortage of figures that just totally #### you off. I know I have a few. Here is your forum for venting by throwing the object of your ire Under The Bus (Jerome Bettis Limited Edition 850 hp version). The figure could be a player (or race car driver), team, executive, owner, league, commissioner, or fans of teams/drivers.
NASCAR
Juan Pablo Montoya: this genius wrecked Clint Bowyer for NO reason when Bowyer was leading the Daytona 500 late in the race. He punted Bowyer, causing him to spin out and taking him from first to 24th place, thereby costing Bowyer a possible Daytona 500 win. I got my Schadenfreude later when Montoya went backwards at the next restart and got freight trained. He ended up 32nd. (Ha ha!) I'll give Clint Bowyer the keys to the Bus that I'll throw Juan Pablo under.
David Ragan: normally, I wouldn't throw a driver under the bus for causing an accident, except in this case, he took out his teammate Matt Kenseth. Kenseth was running in the Top 5 at the time of the accident. I wonder if Ragan took lessons in causing accidents from Montoya, because if he did, he's a damn good student. Kenseth gets the keys to the Bus that Ragan is to be thrown under.
Jeff Burton: this pains me greatly to do so, as he is part of the RCR stable and is one of my favorite drivers. He had the Daytona 500 in his sights; all he had to do was get a good restart on the final caution. He had a horrendous restart that dropped him from first to 13th.
NBA
Devean George haters that are drinking Haterade: I give George's agent props for including a no-trade clause in his contract with the Mavericks. BECAUSE George has a no-trade clause, he has EVERY right to exercise it, and that he did when he learned he was going to be traded to the New Jersey Nets as part of the Jason Kidd deal. The Mavericks were DUMB to include a no-trade clause to a journeyman. And since WHEN does Kidd DESERVE to be on a contending team? He was on a New Jersey team that made the Finals in successive seasons in 2002 and 2003. He had his chance, and came up short. I throw the Devean George haters AND the Dallas Mavericks Under The Bus.
New York Knicks: enough said.
MLB
Bud Selig: where were his comments after the Clemens deposition hearing before the House Reform and Oversight Committee? Oh yeah, there were NONE. In baseball's darkest hour since the 1994 players' strike, Selig needed to be front and center and SHOW SOME LEADERSHIP. Oh yeah, he has no leadership. Since Selig became commissioner thanks to a coup d'etat, baseball has become a laughing stock. Under the bus goes Selig.
Roger Clemens: even by his standards, he has the largest ego in the history of baseball. He has backed himself into a corner that he may not be able to get out of. He came off as a greasy, sleazy liar.
NCAA BB
Kelvin Sampson: what is it with this guy and cell phones? And what is it with this guy and LYING about it? IF he had come up front and become accountable to his transgressions, perhaps he wouldn't be on the firing line at Indiana. It was a BAD match to begin with. IF he does get the ax, who takes over starting next season? Randy Wittman and Mike Woodson have both been mentioned. Kelvin Sampson therefore gets thrown Under The Bus.
NFL
Washington Redskins: Jim Zorn? Is that the BEST you can do? Little Lord Danny Boy has turned this once-proud franchise into a laughing stock. And why did you interview Gregg Williams FOUR times, only to ultimately WHACK him? WTF? Why didn't you do that the Monday AFTER the regular season ended?
Willie Gary (ex-Rams receiver): c'mon, Willie, DON'T cry sour grapes because your Rams couldn't get it done in Super Bowl 36. What's with this $100 MILLION lawsuit against the New England Patriots, Robert Kraft, and Bill Belichick? Just because you were a benchwarmer for the Rams, doesn't give you the right to clog up the judicial system further. Willie, shut up and know your freaking role. Under The Bus you go.
I'll throw my hat into the ring as far as predictions. Here are mine for the Wild Card round, complete with a brief analysis of the game.
Washington Redskins @ Seattle Seahawks: I have been going back and forth on this game. This game is really too close to call. And I've really been hard on the Seahawks for most of the season. I'll go easy on them, LOL. Washington comes into this game on a roll, winners of their last four in a row. They throttled the Dallas Cowboys' ground game to the tune of ONE YARD in Week 17. While the Redskins have a strong ground game, the Seahawks have a stout run defense. And they are at home. And they have Matt Hasselbeck. And they still have Shaun Alexander. My heart says the Redskins, but my head says the Hawks in a close game. PREDICTION: Seahawks.
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Pittsburgh Steelers: the Jags slapped the Steelers up and down Heinz Field a few weeks ago. They have the two-headed beast named Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. David Garrard takes care of the ball (only 3 INTs this season). The defense is stout. The Steelers come in ####ed up, but they make up for hit with loads of heart and grit. This game will be close like the last one, but with the same result. PREDICTION: PAIN--OOPS, wrong! Ahem, Jaguars.
New York Giants @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers: the Giants come in ####ed up after their stellar effort against the Patriots last week. The Bucs are coming off a loss to Carolina. I never know which Eli Manning is going to show up. Jeff Garcia is a playoff veteran who has won in the postseason. PREDICTION: Bucs.
Tennessee Titans @ San Diego Chargers: Tennessee is perhaps the most ####ed up of all the postseason teams. Roydell Williams broke his ankle in practice yesterday and he's out for a minimum of six weeks. The Titans are a walking MASH unit. Not a good thing to go into the playoffs. The Chargers are on a roll, FINALLY getting the ball to LT and letting him do his thing. Lorenzo "The Battering Ram" Neal will be back at some point in the playoffs to clear a path for LT. The defense is stout again. This will be the most lopsided game of perhaps the entire postseason. PREDICTION: Chargers to win BIG.
Around the world of the NFL faster than Andre Davis taking not one, but TWO kickoff returns to The House, Crappafoni Pictures presents, spaghetti western style, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, Week 17.
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: what more can be said? Perfection. 16-0. And the way they beat the Giants is the stuff legends are made of. Tom Brady got sharper as the game went on. But the playoffs are a totally different animal. The Pats better be prepared to win when they score in the teens.
Carolina Panthers: as has been a recent tradition under John Fox, the Cats went out and won their last game of the season on the road. Matt Moore was efficient, throwing for 174 yards and 2 TDs. DeAngelo Williams rushed for 121 yards and a TD. Granted, Tampa Bay was resting its starters after the first half of the game, but a win is a win, and the Cats will take it.
Washington Redskins: was that a DOMINATING defensive performance, or WHAT? The Skins defense held the Cowboys to one yard rushing. FOR THE GAME. Watching the game, I could sense the late Sean Taylor encouraging his mates; they played very inspired ball, particularly on defense. I saw the Redskins' D-line pushing the Cowboys' O-line around all game long. Now they're on to Seattle, and I think it's a very winnable game for the Redskins.
Green Bay Packers: they put an ####-kicking on the Detroit LLLLLLLLLLLLLions, plain and simple. They seemed to shake the hangover of the loss to the Bears from their systems.
Tennessee Titans: they got it done, on the road, in a hostile environment, minus Vince Young for the last third of the game. Granted, it was against the Colts' second and third string, but a win is a win in the NFL. Kerry Collins was sharp, keeping the chains moving, and extending drives. Now they're on to San Diego next weekend.
Atlanta Falcons: one of the rare times this season I've put them in the Good category. They did beat a playoff team, and scoreboard is everything in the NFL.
Houston Texans: or more specifically, Andre Davis. He returned two kickoffs to The House in a 42-28 win over Jacksonville. The Texans finished 8-8 for the first time in franchise history. The AFC South is the only division to have all four of its teams finish .500 or better.
THE BAD
Dallas Cowboys: one of the REALLY rare times (maybe the ONLY time this season) I've put them in the Bad category. They proceeded to set a franchise low for yards rushing in a game: ONE yard. Thirty-six inches. Three feet. That broke the previous low of seven yards set in 1998 against New Orleans. Tony Romo was not sharp. The Redskins' defense had a lot to do with that. The Cowboys' O-line was pushed around by the stout Redskins' D-line all game long.
St. Louis Rams: I know you wanted the season to end, but I didn't realize how desperate you were to finish it. They threw in the towel and were ready for their tee times. Now you're picking second overall.
Miami Dolphins: you were watching the back of Chad Johnson all game long as he was blowing by you. Ocho Cinco took a short pass and took it to The House from 70 yards away. You couldn't WAIT for the season to end; it couldn't end soon enough. Now comes the inevitable purging by The Big Tuna, Bill Parcells.
Detroit LLLLLLLLLLLLions: you, too, couldn't wait for the season to end. Ford Field will be a ghost town come tomorrow as the players can't leave fast enough. Many of them will be attending their alma maters' bowl games. Others will be taking a much-needed vacation. Still several others have played their last game in a LLLLLLLLLions' uniform, as they will either be released or leave via free agency.
THE UGLY
Kansas City at N.Y. Jets: this epic battle of bad teams was compounded by this game going into overtime. What, did neither team WANT to win?
Buffalo at Philadelphia: a 17-9 yawnfest played in rainy, chilly weather. It would be one thing if both teams were in the playoffs. But neither team is in the playoffs.
Around the world of the NFL faster than an Ahmad Bradshaw 88-yard TD run in the snow at Buffalo, Crappafoni Pictures presents this week's vignette of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
THE GOOD
Pittsburgh Steelers: they made some big plays, particularly early in the game. They found a complement to Fast Willie Parker in Najeh Davenport. Ike Taylor had a Pick Six Special late in the game that sealed the win.
Jacksonville Jaguars: they thoroughly dominated an overmatched Raiders team. On the ground, in the air--it didn't matter. With a playoff berth on the line, they were going to get it done right, and they did.
Cincinnati Bengals: or more specifically, their defense. They picked off Derek Anderson four times, leading to three TDs, including two TDs within the last two minutes of the first half. Then the defense withstood a furious Browns rally.
Philadelphia Eagles: they put the Saints' playoff hopes on life support with their huge win in New Orleans. Donovan McNabb came up huge, including a 40-yard run to set up a score. McNabb also threw for 3 TDs.
New York Giants: they withstood a 14-0 deficit in the first quarter and dominated from that point on, outscoring the Bills 38-7. Both Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs rushed for over 145 yards. Bradshaw ripped off the NFL's longest run of the season, 88 yards for a TD in a driving snowstorm.
San Francisco 49ers: their game against Tampa Bay was one of the hardest hitting, most physical games in recent memory. They stared into the eyes of the Big Bad Bucs and didn't flinch. It was good old-fashioned, old-school smash mouth football. In the end, the Niners executed enough to pull out the win. Patrick Willis was the Stud of the Game, registering 20 tackles, two sacks, and a forced fumble.
Chicago Bears: it looked like THEY were the #2 seeded team in the NFC and the Packers were the cellar dwellers. The Bears' special teams blocked two punts and forced a 9-yard punt. Brian Urlacher returned a Pick Six Special for the first time in his career.
Washington Redskins: in a game they HAD to have, they put forth a great team effort and got it done. Todd Collins was sharp, Clinton Portis ran and passed all over the Vikings' defense, rushing and passing for a TD. Now with a win over the Cowboys next week, they're in the playoffs.
New England Patriots: it looked like they were going to run and hide from the Dolphins, leading 28-0 at halftime. The Fins actually outscored the Pats in the second half, holding the Pats scoreless. Laurence Maroney rushed for a career high 156 yards on just 14 carries.
THE BAD
Oakland Raiders: after that effort against the Jaguars. They were outplayed in every facet of the game. The Jags made the Raiders look like the bad team that they are.
Baltimore Ravens: are they the worst team in the NFL, or what? I think they're worse than the Dolphins, and that's saying something.
Green Bay Packers: sure, you're the second-best team in the NFC. Could have fooled me. You played like the second-WORST team in the NFC. That was ca-ca.
THE UGLY
N.Y. Jets at Tennessee: 16 total points between the teams. It seemed like neither team wanted to win. From Tennessee's perspective, style points aren't rewarded in the NFL; just wins and losses. The Titans' win means they control their own destiny. Win, and they're in.
Atlanta at Arizona: this was a matchup from hell. A bad team against another bad team. Depending on your perspective it was either a shootout or just bad defenses. I tend to lean towards the latter.
Those are my nominations. Feel free to opine with your nominations.
Scanning the world of the NFL, there are no shortage of players, teams, coaches, fans, owners, and officials to throw Under The Bus (Jerome Bettis Limited Edition, 850 hp). Football fans everywhere, you are welcome to chime in with your nominations! I have a few nominations myself.
NFL
The officiating crew in the Denver-Kansas City game: for giving Brandon Marshall a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after Marshall's rendition of "Let It Snow, Let It Snow." Marshall had just caught a TD pass from Jay Cutler and was throwing snow high in the air in celebration of a TD. He wasn't showing ANYONE up!! If he's taunting a KC defender, THEN you throw the flag! Officials, Under The Bus you all go! I'll add the NFL Rules Committee to be thrown Under The Bus as well.
Anthony Smith: this genius guaranteed a Steelers' victory over the Patriots earlier in the week. So what does he do for an encore? He gives up THREE TD passes!! Not ONE, not TWO, but THREE. As I write, 54fulltiltfulltime is having a whole pot of chilled crow delivered to one Anthony Smith. For this foolish guarantee, Anthony Smith gets thrown where? Under The Bus!!!
Carolina Panthers: embarassing. While J-ville is a good, but not great, team, I expected a MUCH better effort from the Kittens. ONE HUNDRED FORTY-NINE TOTAL YARDS?? WORSE THAN PATHETIC!!! Not only that, but J-ville amassed 427 yards in total offense. Time for Fox to go and be replaced by Bill Cowher. Give Cowher total control of the football operations. For this God-awful "effort", the Kittens get thrown Under The Bus.
Detroit Lions defense: it is inexcusable blowing a 13-point lead in the fourth quarter! The Lions' offense played well enough to put an ####-kicking on the Cowboys' defense. If the defense played half as well as the offense, the Cowboys would be tied with the Packers at 11-2. Paris Lenon had a chance to put the game away with a fumble recovery, but he tried to scoop it up and deflected the ball to Andre Gurode of the Cowboys. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS FALL ON THE F-ING BALL AND THE LIONS WIN!!! IS THAT SO HARD TO DO?? Instead, Tony Romo completes a clutch fourth down pass on the next play to keep the drive alive. The Lions' defense gets thrown Under The Bus.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: I've been propping you guys for most of the year, and you reward me with THIS?? A beatdown administered by the Houston Texans' second-string QB? I can see this if it were the Cowboys or Packers putting the beatdown on the Bucs. But the TEXANS??? The Bucs get thrown Under The Bus.
ESPN: for single-handedly making Monday Night Football irrelevant. You have matchups like New Orleans-Atlanta?? Which Head #### decided that this would be a compelling matchup? The Four-Letter gets thrown Under The Bus.
NFL schedule makers: for putting another couple of overexposed NFC East teams on NBC next Sunday night: Washington Redskins vs. New York Giants. The Redskins' playoff hopes are BARELY on life support. A MUCH better matchup would be Buffalo at Cleveland. Admit it NBC, you have a bias towards Eastern teams from the Eastern Seaboard no matter how BAD THEY SUCK (NY Giants, Washington, Philly, New England). Just get it done and sign an exclusive contract with the NFC East. So Under The Bus you go!
NBA
New York Knicks: too much drama. Between Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury, it would be too much for even the most hard-core Knicks fans to handle. There WAS a time when the Knicks were a well-run franchise among the NBA's elite. It's going to take Thomas' departure, either by firing or resignation, plus some very good personnel moves, to make this franchise good again.
That's all I have for now. I have expanded this to include all sports. Feel free to come in with your nominations!!!
We have come to the conclusion of a crazy college football season, the NFL is winding down, and both college and pro basketball are approaching mid-season. However, even though it's early December, there are ALWAYS players, teams, coaches, managers, owners, AD's, executives, and fans to throw under the Bus. (Jerome Bettis Limited Edition, 800 hp) Here is your forum to vent! This week's nominees:
NCAA
BCS Honks: apparently they are the only ones that think the BCS works. While I'm at it, I'll also throw the university presidents, the conference commissioners, and other assorted NCAA executives, including Miles Brand, under the Bus. Putting in a 16-team playoff while incorporating the current bowl system is the only reasonable and fair solution. Divisions 1-AA, 2, 3, and the NAIA have playoffs; why shouldn't Division 1?
BCS Selection Committee: for putting Illinois, a THREE loss team, into the Rose Bowl, because they're the Big 10 runners up. The Biting, er, Fighting Illini got a gift-wrapped invitation to a beatdown at the hands of the USC Trojans. Why not invite Arizona State to the Sugar Bowl against Georgia, and put Hawai'i into the Rose Bowl? Arizona State lost to both Oregon and USC when both teams were at or near the top of the rankings. NO FREAKING WAY should the Big 10 get two BCS representatives.
ESPN: for putting out an erroneous report that LSU head coach Les Miles was going to be the next Michigan head coach RIGHT BEFORE the SEC Championship Game against Tennessee. Are ESPN secret Vols honks?
NFL
The officiating crew in the Browns-Cardinals game: on the last play of the game, Derek Anderson threw a desperation pass to Kellen Winslow, who miraculously came up with the catch as he was being shoved out of bounds. The officiating crew called Winslow out of bounds. It was CLEARLY a bad call, as he was FORCED out of bounds. The Browns were ROBBED of a W. For this reason, the officials get thrown Under The Bus.
Detroit Lions: granted, Minnesota is a much better team with Adrian Peterson in the lineup, but to suffer a BEATDOWN like that? What kind of effort was THAT? I think they remembered they were the Detroit Lions. For this reason, the Lions get thrown Under The Bus.
Joe Gibbs: as much as I like the Hall of Fame coach and NASCAR team owner, he gets thrown Under The Bus for calling consecutive timeouts. YOU CANNOT DO THAT!! Instead of a very difficult 51-yard game-winning FG in the rain, Rian Lindell of the Buffalo Bills made a much easier 36 yarder.
Those are my nominees. Come on in with your nominees!!
Crappafoni Pictures takes you around the world of the NFL faster than the participants in The World's Greatest Race. Here we go!!
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: granted, they did play the Miami Dolphins. But throwing for 6 TD passes like Tom Brady did today was freaking incredible! It was like playing Madden 08. At this pace, Brady will obliterate the single season record currently held by Peyton Manning. Brady is on pace for 60 TD passes.
New York Giants: while Eli Manning was efficient and is getting better each week, the G-men's defense was swarming. They forced the 49ers into four turnovers. Michael Strahan was a beast with 2.5 sacks, Osi Umenyiora scored on a fumble return and had a sack, and Brandon Jacobs rushed for a career-high 107 yards and a TD.
Tennessee Titans: or more specifically, Rob Bironas. Bironas kicked 8 FGs, setting an NFL single-game record. The record setter came as time expired, lifting the Titans to a thrilling win over the host Houston Texans. Lost in all that was that Kerry Collins was nails on that final drive to set up Bironas' record breaker.
Dallas Cowboys: they dominated the Vikings in every single aspect of the game but needed a TD return of a blocked FG to put away the pesky Vikings. Tony Romo was superb, going 31 for 39 for 277 yards and a TD. Marion Barber rushed for 96 yards and a TD in the 24-14 win.
Cincinnati Bengals: if not for Kenny Watson's strong effort (31 carries, 130 yards, 3 TDs), the Bengals would have been put in either the Bad or Ugly category. Watson was the stud of the game. They should have beaten a putrid Jets team by at least 2 TDs. More on the Jets later.
Chicago Bears: the win today over Philadelphia may have salvaged their season. In the event a tiebreaker comes into play with the Eagles, the Bears have the advantage. Brian Griese coolly engineered the clinching drive, throwing a TD pass to Muhsin Muhammad with 9 seconds left in the game. The TD pass capped a 97-yard drive. While the Bears still need help in the ground game, Griese gives them a better chance to win.
New Orleans Saints: it looks like they are breaking out of their season-long funk. They won a close game they had to win. While Reggie Bush wasn't spectacular, his TD late in the game was one of pure determination. He caught a short swing pass and bulled over three Atlanta Falcons defenders for the winning TD with less than 5 minutes remaining in the game.
Denver Broncos: they played inspired football in beating a tough Pittsburgh Steelers team. The Steelers' comeback fell short, as Jason Elam kicked a 49-yard FG as time expired. Jay Cutler made the big passes when he needed to. He was 22 of 29 for 248 yards and 3 TDs and 2 INTs.
Kansas City Chiefs: this team has surprised me. I had picked them to be one of the worst teams in the league in the preseason. They are now 4-3. Another good: Priest Holmes returned to the lineup after missing nearly two seasons with head and neck injuries. Combine Holmes and L.J. and this team could possibly make the playoffs.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: 0-7. Enough said.
Miami Dolphins: see above.
New York Jets: this is an absolutely putrid team. If not for the Rams and Dolphins, they would be the worst team in the league. They had opportunities to beat the Bengals and let them slip away. Let the Kellen Clemens era begin. How could a team that was a playoff team last season sink to such depths of ineptitude?
Baltimore Ravens: how could a team that says its a playoff team lose to a one-win team going into the day? Simple: you don't make the plays you need to and the now two-win team makes those same plays.
THE UGLY
Arizona at Washington: the Redskins had a two TD lead and very nearly gave it all back. Credit Arizona for making a furious comeback that fell wide left. The Redskins very nearly sel####estructed. Jason Campbell played like a rookie starting his first NFL game. After playing well much of the season, he played very poorly today.
San Francisco 49ers: Yikes! FOUR turnovers leading to 24 NY Giants points? You're not going to win playing like that! Four turnovers will give any hard-core football fan indigestion. Definitely not a game for the ages.
Oakland Raiders: while their defense kept them in this game, the offense sputtered yet again. Aside from their only TD, the offense didn't show up. What happened to the Raiders' ground game? Fifty-five yards for the game will not win you many games.
As I peer across the NFL landscape, there are some worthy candidates for being thrown under the bus:
San Francisco 49ers: one word--BRUTAL. Ineptness on offense and special teams, missed assignments, and general boneheadedness. It's one thing to lose to a better team if you play well, like the Niners did in losing to Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh's a better team at present. But the Niners lost a game they should have won by at least 2 TD's.
Atlanta Falcons: particularly BOTH QB's. Stats don't lie, and both Harrington and Leftwich were BAD this week. In fairness to Harrington, it was his first bad week of the season; he's been playing well up to this point.
Detroit Lions: they were NOT ready to play today. How else can you explain a 34-3 BEATDOWN? I figured they would lose to the Redskins, but not via a beatdown.
NFL fans, feel free to chime in on YOUR candidates to be thrown under the bus!!!
Around the world of the NFL faster than the hot-air balloon in the motion picture Around the World in 80 Days, I bring you Week 5 of the NFL version of the Spaghetti Western The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, sponsored by Crappafoni Pictures....HERE WE GO!!
THE GOOD
San Diego Chargers: the scoreboard explains it all. San Diego 41, Denver 3. They were dominant in all phases of the game. In an eleven second span of the first quarter, the Chargers scored two TD’s. Michael Turner, LT’s backup, was the rushing stud today, with 147 yards on only ten carries, including a 74-yard touchdown run.
Oakland Raiders: yes, they had a bye week, but because of San Diego’s win in Denver and Kansas City’s loss to Jacksonville, the Raiders are in first place. Yes, the FIRST PLACE Oakland Raiders!!
Washington Redskins: they held the Detroit Lions’ offense to 144 total yards for the game. Jason Campbell had another superb game, going 23 of 28 for 248 yards and two TD’s. The Redskins’ defense just beat the #### out of the Lions’ offense early and often.
Pittsburgh Steelers: when you shut out a good team like the Seahawks, you’ll be in this section every single time. ESPECIALLY when you have defensive studs like Casey Hampton and Troy Polamalu out.
New England Patriots: they dominated a pesky Cleveland Browns team in every facet of the game. They sent the Browns crashing back to earth by slapping them up and down the field.
THE BAD
San Francisco 49ers: I was jocking this team as a possible NFC West champion. They looked absolutely putrid; so putrid I turned on the NASCAR race from Talladega. They were inept on offense; their defense is what kept the game close.
Denver Broncos: this was one of those games in which they were administered a total ####-kicking. It was administered in their own crib, no less. Every team has a game in which NOTHING goes right. For Denver, today was that game.
Atlanta Falcons: they had less than 200 yards against a middle of the road Titans defense. While the Titans’ defense isn’t bad, it’s not exactly the 1985 Bears, either.
Detroit Lions: I expected a better effort than 144 total yards for the game. This was supposed to be a good test for a team that expects a lot out of itself. They got an F-minus.
THE UGLY
Baltimore at San Francisco: this game won’t be making ESPN Classic any time soon. In fact it was so boring I turned to the race. Here is the sequence: Baltimore--run, run, pass, punt. San Francisco--run, run, pass, punt. Repeat sequence for Baltimore. Repeat sequence for San Francisco. You get the drift.
Miami Dolphins: or more specifically, the injury to Trent Green. Green suffered a concussion attempting to throw a block on the Texans’ Travis Johnson. Green was briefly hospitalized, but was allowed to return to Miami with the team. While I admire Green’s willingness to throw blocks to help his team win, at the very least he could have just got in Johnson’s way and it would have been just as effective. Now the Dolphins have to wonder if Green’s finished.
Kansas City Chiefs: they were very nearly shut out at home for the first time in 13 years. It took a meaningless touchdown on the last play of the game to prevent the shutout. They remembered they were the Kansas City Chiefs of Opening Day. I heard that they are distributing milk cartons with a picture of Larry Johnson’s face on the carton, saying, Have you seen this man? He has been the Incredible Invisible Man.
