Around the world of the NFL faster than the Raiders blowing a fourth quarter lead, Crappafoni Pictures presents to you in high-def intensity, Week 4 of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Sit back and enjoy!
THE GOOD
New York Jets: did Brett Favre turn the clock back 15 years? SIX TD passes! This was the first time the Jets turned him loose. He came within one TD pass of matching the NFL record. Talk about a shootout! If you love offense, this game was for you! It was a high-speed, high-def shootout at the OK Corral won by the J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!, 56-35. Not to be outdone, Kurt Warner passed for nearly 500 yards in the defeat.
Kansas City Chiefs: they earned their first win of the season against the previously unbeaten Denver Broncos. First of all, it was surprising the Chiefs won to begin with. But the way they won was even more surprising: forcing four Denver turnovers and taking advantage of them. Larry Johnson was a stud, gashing the Broncos for 198 yards on 28 carries, including a 65-yarder that set up a TD.
Washington Redskins: going into Big D and putting a beatdown on the Cowboys will get you into this category every single time. Make no mistake, that was a beatdown administered by the Redskins. Yes, the margin of victory was only 2 points, but the game wasn't even that close. Only because the Redskins played prevent defense was it even that close. They enjoyed a nearly 2 to 1 advantage in TOP. Once again, they did not commit a turnover, remaining the only team in the NFL to not commit a turnover this season.
Tennessee Titans: they put a beatdown on a good Minnesota team to the tune of four turnovers. The Titans scored all their TDs off Minnesota turnovers. The defense also registered four sacks and an INT.
Carolina Panthers: could this be shades of the 2003 season? Steve Smith making big plays, Muhsin Muhammad making big catches to move the chains, Jake Delhomme making the passes he needed. Delhomme completed 20 of 29 for 294 yards and 2 TDs. Jonathan Stewart did his best Stephen Davis impression, scoring on an 8 yard TD run. The defense pitched in with two sacks, and limited the Falcons' potent offense to 268 yards.
Chicago Bears: their defense is playing at the level of a few years ago, when they made it to Super Bowl 42. Very tough and swarming. And that goal-line stand! That turned the momentum of the game Chicago's way. Kyle Orton threw for three TDs, all in the first half. Matt Forte kept the chains moving, something they haven't had since Thomas Jones a few years ago.
New Orleans Saints: Deuce McAllister is healthy. Great news for Saints fans, bad news for the rest of the league. McAllister moved the chains and set up Drew Brees to make huge plays. When this team is completely healthy, and they will be by their bye week, this team can be a Super Bowl contender. The Saints' defense had six sacks of J.T. O'Sullivan, and forced three turnovers.
Honorable Mention: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, San Diego Chargers, Buffalo Bills.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: this team is listed first for a reason--THEY SUCK. This is a historically bad team, bad enough that it cost Scott Linehan his job 1/4 of the way into the season. As long as they remain winless, they'll be the first team listed in the Bad category.
Cincinnati Bengals: while this team is a mess, it's not at the level of the Rams, yet. They lost the Battle of Ohio to a slightly less woeful team in the Cleveland Browns. They'll be right behind the Rams for this week, only because the Detroit Lions had a bye.
Oakland Raiders: to say they are a dysfunctional team is like saying the sun rises from the east. They have put the "dys" in dysfunctional. And it's not the team per se; they play hard and sell out for Lane Kiffin. They don't know how to win. You can go on and on about how much Al Davis has contributed to the game, and he has. But his time has come and gone. The downfall of this team started when he let Jon Gruden go. When the Raiders are good, the league is much better for it. Now Kiffin wants to change the losing culture, and he and Davis are butting heads. They had a chance to choke out the Chargers and didn't. They could be 2-2 or even 3-1, but they're 1-3 instead.
San Francisco 49ers: what a horrid display they put on against the Saints. This was supposed to be a good test. They failed miserably. They failed to account for Deuce McAllister, who repeatedly moved the chains, setting up Drew Brees to burn the Niners' secondary for huge plays. The vaunted Gold Rush was fool's gold against the Saints, not registering a sack and putting very little pressure on Brees.
Denver Broncos: what the hell was that, losing to a previously winless team? Not only that, they put a BEATDOWN on your ####. The less said about you, the better. Now go play with the other mediocre teams and stop posing as a playoff team, because you're not.
THE UGLY
Cleveland at Cincinnati: any time two winless teams match up, it goes into this category. Someone HAD to win, might as well have been Cleveland.
Denver Broncos: this team played so pathetic and lackluster they get put in TWO categories this week. FOUR turnovers? Against one of the WORST defenses in the NFL? Yes, they outgained Kansas City, but most of that yardage came in garbage time, well after the outcome had been decided. Actually, three categories--I've added a FUGLY category for the Broncos.
Green Bay Packers: another team posing as a playoff team. Like Denver, the Pack committed four turnovers, only against a very good defense. I'll go easier on them, only because they were playing a very good Tampa Bay defense.
Those are my nominees for the week. Feel free to chime in with yours!
I will give my thumbnail predictions for two divisions per day until the regular season begins. Today, the NFC East and South.
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys: on paper, this team has it all: explosive offense, stout defense, and strong special teams. However, they do have a tough schedule, going on the road to Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Green Bay, in addition to the NFC East opponents. Tony Romo should be able to take the next step in his progress. But questions still linger: can Romo win a postseason game? Will Adam Jones fit in with his new teammates? We'll find out, and, yes. Adam Jones gives the 'Boys a lockdown CB they haven't had since Deion Sanders. Plus, he's the best return man not named Devin Hester. Predicted record (playoff seeding in parentheses): 11-5, first place, (2).
Philadelphia Eagles: Donovan McNabb is healthier than he has been in recent years. He has uber-stud RB Brian Westbrook. The defense is still stout, thanks to defensive coordinator Jim Johnson's scheme. David Akers is one of the league's better kickers. And unlike Romo, McNabb has won in the postseason, narrowly losing to New England in Super Bowl 39. (Of course, he had Terrell Owens then) Still, they're not far behind the Cowboys in talent. With a few breaks, they could win this division; they're that good. Predicted record: 10-6, second place (5).
New York Giants: I have revised my pick of this team. After much consideration, I have elevated them ahead of the Redskins, and NOT because of the opening game. I was going to do this on Tuesday but was sick. As long as the front four apply pressure on QB's all season, they'll be fine. Eli Manning will do his thing, the ground game is solid, and this team will be in contention for a playoff bid, but fall short due to a very difficult schedule outside the division. Predicted record: 10-6, third place (no playoffs).
NFC SOUTH
New Orleans Saints: they are loaded offensively. Jeremy Shockey is a tremendous addition to the offense. He gives them the TE that can split the seam for big plays. IF Deuce McAllister is healthy and good to go after surgery on both knees, it's a huge plus. The defense figures to improve from last season. The addition of Jonathan Vilma is huge. He should blossom in the Saints' 4-3 scheme. Keep an eye out for Tracy Porter. He'll blow up as the nickel back. Predicted record: 11-5, first place (1).
Carolina Panthers: Jake Delhomme is back from Tommy John surgery and is healthy again. With Delhomme under center, the Panthers are a MUCH better team. They are returning to their roots: a power running game with Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams. My big question mark is the front four. Aside from Julius Peppers, who I think will rebound and be the monster stud he's been earlier in his career, this unit is the biggest question mark on the team. The LB and DB corps are much better than last season. John Kasay is older and nearing the end of a stellar career, but he's still one of the more accurate kickers. The loss of Steve Smith for the first two games will be tough to overcome. It's going to be the difference between winning the division and being a wild card team. Predicted record: 10-6, second place (6).
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: the defense is the strong point of this team; they finished second overall in the NFL. Offensively, there are HUGE question marks, particularly at WR and QB. Jeff Garcia has been injured most of camp, and when he has appeared in games, he's been rusty. Joey Galloway is still productive, but at age 36 can he be the receiver that has had three straight 1,000 yard receiving seasons? And who can catch the ball other than Galloway? Can Earnest Graham and Cadillac Williams stay healthy? The offensive line is strong, with Jeff Faine being the oldest member at age 26. While the defense will keep the Bucs in a lot of games, the offense has too many question marks. And no team has repeated as division champion since the division was created in 2002. I expect the trend to continue. Predicted record: 7-9, third place (no playoffs).
Atlanta Falcons: when you have a rookie as your starting QB, your team is a mess. Matt Ryan is smart, has poise and toughness, but he's going to get his brains beaten in. Michael Turner is a good addition to the offense and should take some of the pressure off Ryan. The defense is a good mix of veterans and youngsters. While this team is a mess now, they are taking giant steps in the right direction. Give this team another year or two to contend. Predicted record: 3-13, fourth place (no playoffs).
Tomorrow: NFC North, NFC West.
Washington Redskins: this is Jason Campbell's time to shine. With a new coach and some stability, he should improve greatly. Of course, having Clinton Portis and Santana Moss helps. With the addition of Jason Taylor, the pass rush should improve. While the 'Skins are still behind the Cowboys and Eagles, they're moving in the right direction. Give new head coach Jim Zorn a couple of years. Predicted record: 6-10, fourth place (no playoffs).
This is the worst weekend of the year. No football. No NASCAR. Just wall-to-wall hoops (although there were some EXCELLENT games today), some golf, and the NHL All-Star Game. Just because there is no football or NASCAR doesn't mean that fans can't vent and throw the objects of their ire Under The Bus this week! I have a few teams that I'd like to throw under the Bus.
NBA
Indiana Pacers: why, oh why, did you have to go out and LOSE to the hapless Miami Heat? The Heat had lost umpteen games in a row prior to facing the Pacers. Yet the Pacers allowed the Heat to play like the 2006 version of the Heat. For that, not only do you get thrown under the Bus, you should be demoted to the D-league.
Phoenix Suns: once again, they fatten up on the bottom feeders of the league by beating the Bulls. I will stop throwing them under the Bus once they face some QUALITY competition. I was happy to see that they had lost to the T-wolves earlier in the week. I'm not worried--they won't win the NBA championship because of the lack of a true big man. Amare Stoudemire is a 4 playing at the 5. He'll be worn down come playoff time. On a related note, I throw the NBA schedulers under the Bus as well.
The roof inspectors at the Staples Center: these geniuses proceeded to cause a 12 minute delay in the first quarter of the Lakers-Cavaliers game because of some rain-soaked clothing they had left on a catwalk above the north basket. Naturally, the water dripped through the slats to the floor behind the basket. That 12 minute delay allowed LeBron James a critical rest period, as he was playing with his usual high energy. He didn't come out at all in the second half. Whatever happened to going to floor level to change clothes in the bathroom? For this act of intelligence, the roof inspectors get thrown under the Bus.
NFL
Oakland Raiders: if the ESPN report is true, and the Raiders are preparing to replace Lane Kiffin with Dennis Green, the Raiders brass should be thrown under the Bus, then the Bus backs up and runs them over again, then moves forward to run them over again, then repeat the process until the Bus runs out of gas. WHY the #### would you do something like that? Especially when the Raiders were being praised league-wide for going in the RIGHT direction? I thought the head coach had the right to hire and fire his own people? As head coach, Kiffin SHOULD have the right to fire Rob Ryan; it's his prerogative.
San Francisco 49ers: for hiring Mike Martz as offensive coordinator. Yes, it's a few weeks late to be doing this, but better late than never. It's a BAD fit. They have a stud TE in Vernon Davis. Martz is DEATHLY ALLERGIC to tight ends. Cam Cameron would have been a better fit in San Francisco. At least his offense goes to the TE at least once a game! The Niners' brass gets thrown under the Bus for hiring Martz.
The League: for scheduling the San Diego Chargers and New Orleans Saints to play in London in late October. Scheduling a regular-season game overseas is a BAD idea. Schedule a preseason game in Week 3 of the preseason in London instead. Week 3 is the week of the preseason that closely mirrors Week 1 of the regular season. NFL, I love ya, you're my favorite sport, but a bad idea deserves to be called out and thrown under the Bus.
Ben Roethlisberger: Big Ben gets thrown under the bus for implying that the Steelers' WR corps isn't good enough. No wonder Hines Ward is pissed. I'd be pissed, too. You just threw your All-World stud WR and stud human being under the bus. Big Ben said, "I'd like a taller WR." Instead of meeting with the Steelers' brass behind closed doors to make his request, he opted to air it out through the media. Big Ben, when you won Super Bowl XL as a member of the Steelers, who were your receivers? Was Plaxico Burress among your WRs that season? Yes, it doesn't suck for a QB to have a 6'5" WR that makes plays in the Red Zone. Yet Hines Ward made HUGE plays in the Red Zone game after game that season, including some in said Super Bowl. Hines Ward is closer to 5'10" than 6'5". I'll let Hines Ward drive the Bus that Big Ben is to be thrown under.
MLB
The Media: more specifically, the media that think there are only two teams--the Yankees and Red Sox. Yes, the two teams have a long and bitter rivalry. Yes, they're both very good teams. But it hasn't always been this way. For a long time, the Red Sox sucked while the Yankees ruled baseball. When the Yankees sucked, the Sox were good. There are OTHER teams besides the Yankees and Red Sox. The Myopic Media gets thrown under the Bus.
NCAA
Alabama Crimson Tide: actually, I don't have the heart to throw the Tide under the bus because they're coming hard after Fresno State OC Jim McElwain. And I have a soft spot in my heart for the Tide. Naturally as a Bulldogs fan I want McElwain to stay at Fresno State, but if he does decide to go to Alabama, I wish him the best. The Tide will be getting one of the nation's best college OC's. Tide fan, be very thankful that Nick Saban has a close friendship with Fresno State coach Pat Hill from their Cleveland Browns days under Bill Belichick.
Those are my nominees for this week. Your comments and nominees are welcome.
NOTE: this blog will expand into other sports starting this week. You can still include your NFL nominees to throw Under The Bus, but I will open it up to the other sports as well. So if you have a team, player, coach, manager, team executive (including owner), that you want to vent about and throw Under The Bus, here is your forum to do so!
NFL
The 1972 Dolphins: how does it taste now, now that your record is ripped by the 2007 New England Patriots? No champagne popping this year! The Patriots just ripped your raison d'etre from you, so the next step is throwing your #### under the damn Bus!!
The 2007 Dolphins: if you guys hadn't stumbled and actually WON, we'd be talking about you going 0-16 and running the table in reverse. Today would have been a good day to make a statement and win two of your last three games. But you guys, in typical Dolphins fashion, went out and sucked. So under the Bus you go with the 1972 Dolphins.
Seattle Seahawks: you went 1-3 against a weakened NFC South this year? Ironically, your lone win against the division came against the eventual division champion (Tampa Bay) in Week ONE of the season. Meanwhile, Carolina went 4-0 against the NFC West. Yes, you're in the playoffs, but the NFC Worst is that, the worst division in football. And you LOST to the woeful Atlanta Falcons today? Your practice squad players should have beaten the Falcons! So Under The Bus you go!
New Orleans Saints: or more specifically, their special teams. WHY on God's Green Earth do you (or anyone else for that matter) PUNT to Devin Hester? So he can Hesterize you to the tune of TWO punt returns for TDs? I think Sean Payton threw P Steve Weatherford once under the Bus, so I'll pile on and throw Weatherford under the Bus again.
Detroit LLLLLLLLLLions: weak effort against the Pack. Enough said about this sorry team.
Those are my nominations for this week. Come in with your nominations. Thank you for reading and responding.
This is a place for fans to vent (and rant) about who they would like to call out for bad play, bad decisions, or just plain sucking. You can name a player, coach, owner, fans, team executives, agents, or schools. I am expanding this to include NCAA teams, coaches, and/or players. Do any of you have anyone (within reason) to throw under the Bus? Here's your forum!! I have a few nominees:
NFL
Pittsburgh Steelers: losing to a one-win team is totally inexcusable! This is a team the Steelers should beat IN THEIR SLEEP. I have a healthy respect for the Men of Steel, but to go into the Meadowlands and lay a big, fat egg?? I could see losing to the Giants in OT, but the JETS? Under the Bus you go!!
New Orleans Saints: you've GOT to be kidding me!! This is a team that fought back from an 0-4 start to 4-4. Now they've lost their last two games. Stick a fork in 'em, they're DONE. Under the Bus you go, not to be heard from again this season!
Atlanta Falcons: for rolling over and playing dead against Tampa Bay. At home, no less. This was a game they could have used to build some momentum to finish strong. To quote a former Arizona Cardinals coach, "THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!" We thought you sucked. We still do.
Cincinnati Bengals: are you becoming the Bungles again? Or are you auditioning for The Longest Yard 3, as the prison team again? Four picks, including TWO Pick Six Specials TO THE SAME GUY will get you thrown under the Bus every single time.
MLB
Scott Boras: he gets thrown under the Bus for being a greedy ####, and having Pay-Rod opt out DURING the World Series, and overestimating the market for P-Rod.
Bud Selig: for presiding over the Steroid Era in MLB, and trashing the integrity of the game. Bud, this Bus is for you! (sound of Bus running over Bud Selig and keeping going)
NASCAR
ESPN/ABC: THANK GOD it was the LAST telecast for this bunch of yahoos. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective) it was also the last race of the season.
Those are my nominees. Feel free to come on in with yours!
Around the world of the NFL faster than an Antonio Cromartie 109-yard return of a missed FG, Crappafoni Pictures gives you this week's spaghetti western version of Week 9 in the NFl.
THE GOOD
New England at Indianapolis: unlike most big games, this one lived up to the hype. It took a great comeback by Tom Brady and Company to pull out a 24-20 win, preserved by a late turnover. The Pats were 10 points down going into the fourth quarter. Good job, Pats. The 1972 Dolphins should be VERY worried about the Pats running the table, since the Pats' remaining schedule has only two winning teams on it (Pittsburgh and the NY Giants).
Minnesota Vikings: or more specifically, Adrian Peterson. Even though it's been a couple of days since he set the single-game rushing record, it becomes more and more amazing. He SINGLE-HANDEDLY beat the San Diego Chargers.
Dallas Cowboys: they carved up the Eagles IN Philly like John Madden carving up his turducan back in the day. The Cowboys have to be considered the favorites in the NFC to be playing in Glendale in early February.
Detroit Lions: they simply put a good old-fashioned ####-kicking on the Denver Broncos. The ironic thing is that the Broncos actually had the edge on time of possession. But four turnovers did in the Broncos, including a 66-yard Pick Six Special by DT Shaun Rogers. The Lions knocked Jay Cutler out of the game with a leg injury.
New Orleans Saints: is it safe to say, "THEY ARE BACK?" Drew Brees came up HUGE, passing for 445 yards and 3 TDs. Reggie Bush added a 1-yard TD run in the first quarter. I will say that they are back, especially considering the NFC South is very weak this year. The Buccaneers are inconsistent, Carolina has QB issues, and the Falcons are in disarray.
Pittsburgh Steelers: they made a statement by the way they carved up the Ravens' once-vaunted defense. I know I'm not overlooking the Steelers. They are the ONE team that CAN hang with the Patriots and possibly beat them. They have a very strong, balanced offense, the defense is stout, physical, and will smash you in the mouth, and are well-coached by Mike Tomlin and his staff.
Cleveland Browns: Derek Anderson was stellar yet again, passing for 364 yards and four Browns receivers each had 67 yards or more in receiving yards. Jamal Lewis only rushed for 37 yards but had four TDs. It helps a young QB like Anderson immensely to have a battering ram like Lewis back there to punch it in from short yardage. This team is for REAL. Look for them to be playing in January as a wild card.
THE BAD
Carolina Panthers: they weren't just bad; they were PATHETIC. David Carr passed for a MEASLY 107 yards. For the GAME. He's the only player in the history of the NFL to contain a future Hall of Famer in Steve Smith. The Panthers can't stop anyone, and they can't move the ball. A VERY bad combination. I see this team going 6-10 and missing the playoffs yet again. I predict that John Fox will lose his job over this, either by resignation or by firing. The next Panthers' head coach? Bill Cowher.
Oakland Raiders: you can't expect to win by turning the ball over three times. But that is what the Raiders did. Josh McCown was picked off three times, including once in the red zone by LB DeMeco Ryans as the Raiders were driving for a touchdown.
San Francisco 49ers: even with four turnovers, they STILL had a chance to win, but QB Alex Smith threw his third pick of the day to seal it for the Falcons. Frank Gore did not play due to an injury, and that hurt the Niners' ground game.
Baltimore Ravens: this is a team that got old suddenly. Ray Lewis, while still a good LB, is clearly not the LB he used to be. He simply doesn't have the talent around him that he used to have. Steve McNair is on his last legs as an NFL QB. I admire his competitiveness but his tank is dry. The Steelers exposed the Ravens as an old team.
THE UGLY
San Diego Chargers: giving up nearly 300 yards to Adrian Peterson still boggles my mind, since the Chargers have a good, swarming defense.
Arizona at Tampa Bay: this game won't be making ESPN Classic any time soon. Earnest Graham did have a good effort, rushing for 124 yards and a TD.
San Francisco at Atlanta: okay, this wasn't exactly New England at Indy, but this game set the NFL back many years. And it wasn't that long ago both of these teams were in the playoffs.
Around the world of the NFL faster than a transatlantic flight for the Giants-Dolphins game, Crappafoni Pictures brings you, the NFL fan, the Week 8 edition of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: any time you put up 52 against a very good defense, you will be in this slot every single time. Can Tom Brady and Company ever be stopped? They are on pace to obliterate the single season scoring record. Brady is on pace for 60 TD passes. The defense recorded 3 sacks and 3 forced fumbles.
Indianapolis Colts: they overcame a sluggish first half to put up 21 second half points. Peyton Manning became the franchise record holder for TD passes, breaking John Unitas' record. Congratulations to Peyton Manning for that remarkable achievement. After allowing a TD on the opening drive that covered 75 yards, the Indy defense clamped down on the Panthers.
San Diego Chargers: can we say that they are back? They looked sharp in thrashing the Texans. The Chargers entered the game with heavy hearts and having to practice in Arizona this week due to the wildfires in the area. Antonio Cromartie was a beast, returning a Pick Six special 70 yards. For good measure he recovered a fumble in the end zone for another TD. Another Antonio, Gates, also scored 2 TDs. My thoughts and prayers go to the families of those affected by the fires, and to the firefighters fighting those fires.
Detroit Lions: we all know they have playmakers up the wazoo on offense. What we didn't know was that their defense is catching up to the offense. The defense forced four turnovers, all INTs, including three in their own end zone. Kevin Jones rushed for 104 yards and a TD, Jon Kitna passed for 268 yards.
New Orleans Saints: their offense is clicking much like it did last season. Drew Brees was 31 for 39 for 336 yards and 4 TDs, 3 of them to Marques Colston. Although Reggie Bush had a pedestrian game, he didn't need to be good today.
Pittsburgh Steelers: this was a big win against their bitter rivals. It effectively buries the Bengals once and for all. Willie Parker rushed for 126 yards and a TD, and Big Ben passed for 2 TDs. The defense clamped down when they needed to.
Cleveland Browns: they kept pace with the Steelers, getting a huge win on the road. Derek Anderson passed for 248 yards and 3 TDs, and Braylon Edwards caught 2 TD passes. They have some impressive young playmakers on offense. Anderson is second in the NFL in TD passes behind a man named Brady.
Miami Dolphins vs. New York Giants: you might be asking, "Now why did he include this game in the Good category? Because the Dolphins showed a lot of heart and grit in spite of the long odds against them. They only allowed 13 points to a good N.Y. Giants team. They may very well end up winning a game or two. The Giants are in the Good category because they are 6-2 going into their bye. Brandon Jacobs rushed sloshed for a career-high 131 yards in the rain and muck of Wembley Stadium in London, England.
Green Bay Packers: WOW! What a pass!! Brett Favre has thrown some great passes in his career, but this one is on the short list of his all-time greatest passes. A dagger in the heart of the Denver Broncos. THAT'S how you win a game! Favre passed for 336 yards and two scores. Both James Jones and Greg Jennings topped 100 receiving yards. If you're a legend and you have TWO young studs at WR, along with Driver and Franks, you'd want to play as long as you can!! Ryan Grant rushed for 104 yards on 22 carries.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: they are in the midst of an epically horrible season. Steven Jackson reaggravated his groin injury. The defense can't stop anybody. While Brian Leonard is a good RB, he's no Steven Jackson. The O-line is in shambles. They blew a 14 point lead to the Browns.
San Francisco 49ers: what happened to that offense that was very good last year? More importantly, what happened to Frank Gore? They get their stud TE Vernon Davis back from injury, then TE Delanie Walker goes down with a shoulder injury on the first play of the game. Alex Smith aggravated his shoulder injury during the game.
Oakland Raiders: once again, the offense was spotty. The defense played well enough for the Raiders to win, but Mike Williams dropped a sure catch on 4th and long late in the game that would have kept the Raiders' final drive alive. The defense allowed only 218 yards of total offense to the Titans.
Chicago Bears: seven points, four turnovers, 255 yards in total offense, 365 total yards allowed by the defense. Yes Virginia, the Chicago Bears ARE a bad team. Can you say, "They are DONE?" Not quite, but another couple of bad games like that, then they are officially done.
THE UGLY
Oakland at Tennessee: in this snoozefest, the two teams combined for 22 points, 162 yards in penalties, and 453 total yards. Yawn. Hopefully a sleep doctor Tivo'd the game so he can recommend watching this game to his patients for insomnia problems.
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets: I only put this game in the Ugly category because of the combined records of the two teams. Buffalo actually moved the ball pretty effectively. For most of the game the Jets' defense bent but didn't break. Late in the game, the Jets' defense broke.
Houston Texans: that loud thump you heard from San Diego is the Texans returning to earth. They got schooled.
New England Patriots: I wasn't about to leave these guys off the list. Here's why: they went for it on fourth down well after the game was in hand; they were passing deep downfield when leading 45-0; in other words, they were running up the score needlessly. It was chickenshit. You're up 38-0, you call off the dogs. You put in your second stringers. If you score TDs on defense, so be it. They'll get their comeuppance at some point in the season, hopefully next week.
NOTE: next week's edition will be next Tuesday evening due to the writer going on vacation.
Crappafoni Pictures takes you around the world of the NFL faster than the participants in The World's Greatest Race. Here we go!!
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: granted, they did play the Miami Dolphins. But throwing for 6 TD passes like Tom Brady did today was freaking incredible! It was like playing Madden 08. At this pace, Brady will obliterate the single season record currently held by Peyton Manning. Brady is on pace for 60 TD passes.
New York Giants: while Eli Manning was efficient and is getting better each week, the G-men's defense was swarming. They forced the 49ers into four turnovers. Michael Strahan was a beast with 2.5 sacks, Osi Umenyiora scored on a fumble return and had a sack, and Brandon Jacobs rushed for a career-high 107 yards and a TD.
Tennessee Titans: or more specifically, Rob Bironas. Bironas kicked 8 FGs, setting an NFL single-game record. The record setter came as time expired, lifting the Titans to a thrilling win over the host Houston Texans. Lost in all that was that Kerry Collins was nails on that final drive to set up Bironas' record breaker.
Dallas Cowboys: they dominated the Vikings in every single aspect of the game but needed a TD return of a blocked FG to put away the pesky Vikings. Tony Romo was superb, going 31 for 39 for 277 yards and a TD. Marion Barber rushed for 96 yards and a TD in the 24-14 win.
Cincinnati Bengals: if not for Kenny Watson's strong effort (31 carries, 130 yards, 3 TDs), the Bengals would have been put in either the Bad or Ugly category. Watson was the stud of the game. They should have beaten a putrid Jets team by at least 2 TDs. More on the Jets later.
Chicago Bears: the win today over Philadelphia may have salvaged their season. In the event a tiebreaker comes into play with the Eagles, the Bears have the advantage. Brian Griese coolly engineered the clinching drive, throwing a TD pass to Muhsin Muhammad with 9 seconds left in the game. The TD pass capped a 97-yard drive. While the Bears still need help in the ground game, Griese gives them a better chance to win.
New Orleans Saints: it looks like they are breaking out of their season-long funk. They won a close game they had to win. While Reggie Bush wasn't spectacular, his TD late in the game was one of pure determination. He caught a short swing pass and bulled over three Atlanta Falcons defenders for the winning TD with less than 5 minutes remaining in the game.
Denver Broncos: they played inspired football in beating a tough Pittsburgh Steelers team. The Steelers' comeback fell short, as Jason Elam kicked a 49-yard FG as time expired. Jay Cutler made the big passes when he needed to. He was 22 of 29 for 248 yards and 3 TDs and 2 INTs.
Kansas City Chiefs: this team has surprised me. I had picked them to be one of the worst teams in the league in the preseason. They are now 4-3. Another good: Priest Holmes returned to the lineup after missing nearly two seasons with head and neck injuries. Combine Holmes and L.J. and this team could possibly make the playoffs.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: 0-7. Enough said.
Miami Dolphins: see above.
New York Jets: this is an absolutely putrid team. If not for the Rams and Dolphins, they would be the worst team in the league. They had opportunities to beat the Bengals and let them slip away. Let the Kellen Clemens era begin. How could a team that was a playoff team last season sink to such depths of ineptitude?
Baltimore Ravens: how could a team that says its a playoff team lose to a one-win team going into the day? Simple: you don't make the plays you need to and the now two-win team makes those same plays.
THE UGLY
Arizona at Washington: the Redskins had a two TD lead and very nearly gave it all back. Credit Arizona for making a furious comeback that fell wide left. The Redskins very nearly sel####estructed. Jason Campbell played like a rookie starting his first NFL game. After playing well much of the season, he played very poorly today.
San Francisco 49ers: Yikes! FOUR turnovers leading to 24 NY Giants points? You're not going to win playing like that! Four turnovers will give any hard-core football fan indigestion. Definitely not a game for the ages.
Oakland Raiders: while their defense kept them in this game, the offense sputtered yet again. Aside from their only TD, the offense didn't show up. What happened to the Raiders' ground game? Fifty-five yards for the game will not win you many games.
Going around the world of the NFL, even though it was a light week due to the MLB playoffs, there are still worthy candidates to throw under the bus this week.
Cincinnati Bengals: I nominate Marvin Lewis and the entire Bengals' coaching staff. There is no excuse that this team shouldn't have a winning record. When will the good Bengal fans start calling for Lewis' head?
Chicago Bears: losing to an inferior Vikings team, especially when you're one season removed from a Super Bowl appearance, is unfathomable. For once, it's not Rex Grossman. Let Grossman drive the bus. I'd throw the Bears' defense under the bus.
Seattle Seahawks: can you say, "SUCKY?" What was THAT? If they weren't in the NFC West, they would NOT be a playoff team. But because they ARE in the NFC Worst, er, West, they are a playoff team. Kudos to the New Orleans Saints for going on the road and winning their first game of the season.
Chime in with your nominees for being thrown under the bus! Remember, it can be a player, coach, owner, or fans of a particular team.
Around the world of the NFL faster than the Goodyear Blimp, Crappafoni Pictures brings you the spaghetti western style of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, NFL version. HERE WE GO!!
THE GOOD
Minnesota Vikings: they lit up the Chicago Bears’ defense to the tune of 444 yards of total offense. Adrian Peterson gashed the Bears for 224 yards on 20 carries and three touchdowns, including two of over 60 yards. Having a stud RB like Peterson doesn’t suck if you’re a young QB.
Jacksonville Jaguars: they played a turnover-free game. Maurice Jones-Drew had another superb game, rushing for 125 yards on 12 carries and two touchdowns. He also added four receptions for 59 yards. David Garrard was sharp, going 22 of 34 for 221 yards and two touchdowns.
Cleveland Browns: granted, their opponent was the Miami Dolphins. They did beat an opponent they SHOULD have. Derek (and the Dominoes) Anderson was sharp, going 18 of 25 for 245 yards and three touchdowns, all three to Braylon Edwards. With Jamal Lewis out, it was RB by committee. The Browns rushed for 140 yards as a team.
Green Bay Packers: their defense, to be more specific. Jason Campbell was pressured all game long. Charles Woodson scored on a 57 yard fumble return that proved to be the game winner. And for good measure, he intercepted a pass.
Carolina Panthers: the defense showed up for the first time this season, picking off three passes and sacking the QB twice. Julius Peppers accounted for 1.5 sacks and two forced fumbles. What can you say about Vinny Testaverde, except he’s an old man with game? Looks like his signing is genius so far. DeAngelo Williams rushed for 121 yards and a TD and Steve Smith had by far his best day of the season, catching 10 passes for 136 and a TD. The Panthers are 4-0 on the road this season.
New England Patriots: scoreboard says it all. Best team in the NFL right now.
San Diego Chargers: after a slow start, this team is starting to hit its stride. They dominated an overmatched Raiders team.
THE BAD
Miami Dolphins: 0-6 and counting. This team is HORRIBLE. They got thrashed by an average Cleveland Browns team. This franchise is in the throes of a death spiral.
St. Louis Rams: see Miami Dolphins, except substitute Baltimore Ravens for Cleveland Browns.
Seattle Seahawks: they looked absolutely PUTRID. THIS is a playoff team? ONLY in the NFC West. I could excuse the loss to the Steelers; the Steelers are one of the NFL’s better teams. But the WINLESS Saints?? I figured the Saints would win a game soon; I didn’t figure on them winning in Seattle.
Cincinnati Bengals: this team is bad on many levels. Sorry defense, lackluster offense, and poor coaching. It starts with Marvin Lewis. Once again, Lewis didn’t have his team ready to play. When will the good fans of Cincinnati start calling for his head?
Chicago Bears: this is a BAD team. Their defense is atrocious. Adrian Peterson gashed them big-time. Devin Hester was the lone bright spot, returning a punt for a TD and hauling in an 81-yard TD pass.
THE UGLY
New York Jets: NINE points against Philadelphia? While they only allowed 16 points, they ONLY scored nine! In the AFC East, it’s New England and the Three Dwarves. When will the Jets dump Chad Pennington and start Kellen Clemens?
Cincinnati at Kansas City: aside from Tony Gonzalez setting an NFL record for receptions by a tight end, it was unwatchable. Tony, we’ll see you in Canton. I watched a defensive clinic put on by Green Bay.
Houston Texans: or more specifically, their running game. They amassed 59 yards. For the game. Fifty-nine yards. That’s not going to get it done. No wonder David Carr was a piñata while he was in Houston.
Around the world of the NFL faster than the hot-air balloon in the motion picture Around the World in 80 Days, I bring you Week 5 of the NFL version of the Spaghetti Western The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, sponsored by Crappafoni Pictures....HERE WE GO!!
THE GOOD
San Diego Chargers: the scoreboard explains it all. San Diego 41, Denver 3. They were dominant in all phases of the game. In an eleven second span of the first quarter, the Chargers scored two TD’s. Michael Turner, LT’s backup, was the rushing stud today, with 147 yards on only ten carries, including a 74-yard touchdown run.
Oakland Raiders: yes, they had a bye week, but because of San Diego’s win in Denver and Kansas City’s loss to Jacksonville, the Raiders are in first place. Yes, the FIRST PLACE Oakland Raiders!!
Washington Redskins: they held the Detroit Lions’ offense to 144 total yards for the game. Jason Campbell had another superb game, going 23 of 28 for 248 yards and two TD’s. The Redskins’ defense just beat the #### out of the Lions’ offense early and often.
Pittsburgh Steelers: when you shut out a good team like the Seahawks, you’ll be in this section every single time. ESPECIALLY when you have defensive studs like Casey Hampton and Troy Polamalu out.
New England Patriots: they dominated a pesky Cleveland Browns team in every facet of the game. They sent the Browns crashing back to earth by slapping them up and down the field.
THE BAD
San Francisco 49ers: I was jocking this team as a possible NFC West champion. They looked absolutely putrid; so putrid I turned on the NASCAR race from Talladega. They were inept on offense; their defense is what kept the game close.
Denver Broncos: this was one of those games in which they were administered a total ####-kicking. It was administered in their own crib, no less. Every team has a game in which NOTHING goes right. For Denver, today was that game.
Atlanta Falcons: they had less than 200 yards against a middle of the road Titans defense. While the Titans’ defense isn’t bad, it’s not exactly the 1985 Bears, either.
Detroit Lions: I expected a better effort than 144 total yards for the game. This was supposed to be a good test for a team that expects a lot out of itself. They got an F-minus.
THE UGLY
Baltimore at San Francisco: this game won’t be making ESPN Classic any time soon. In fact it was so boring I turned to the race. Here is the sequence: Baltimore--run, run, pass, punt. San Francisco--run, run, pass, punt. Repeat sequence for Baltimore. Repeat sequence for San Francisco. You get the drift.
Miami Dolphins: or more specifically, the injury to Trent Green. Green suffered a concussion attempting to throw a block on the Texans’ Travis Johnson. Green was briefly hospitalized, but was allowed to return to Miami with the team. While I admire Green’s willingness to throw blocks to help his team win, at the very least he could have just got in Johnson’s way and it would have been just as effective. Now the Dolphins have to wonder if Green’s finished.
Kansas City Chiefs: they were very nearly shut out at home for the first time in 13 years. It took a meaningless touchdown on the last play of the game to prevent the shutout. They remembered they were the Kansas City Chiefs of Opening Day. I heard that they are distributing milk cartons with a picture of Larry Johnson’s face on the carton, saying, Have you seen this man? He has been the Incredible Invisible Man.
Carolina at New Orleans: it was an incredible display of offensive ineptitude for most of the game. It took a determined Steve Smith to get a key first down by running over a Saints’ defensive back on third down. The first down enabled the Panthers' John Kasay to kick a 53 yard game winning FG as time expired.
Another installment of the Good, Bad, and Ugly in the NFL, spaghetti-western style, brought to you again by Crappafoni Pictures.
THE GOOD
Philadelphia Eagles: hung 56 on the Detroit Lions defense. Any time that a team can score 50 or more points in a game, they are clicking on ALL cylinders. The Iggles nearly scored 50 in the FIRST HALF alone! It seemed like everything they did, they did right. Kevin Curtis tied an NFL record for most first half receiving yards. Curtis and Brian Westbrook EACH scored 3 TDs. Embattled QB Donovan McNabb had a PERFECT passer rating of 158.6, completing 18 consecutive passes in one stretch.
Pittsburgh Steelers: gotta stay in Pennsylvania and give props to the Steelers. They thrashed a pretty decent 49ers team. The defense, in particular, shut down Frank Gore and gave him very little room to run. They even returned a Pick Six special for a touchdown, courtesy of Bryant McFadden. Big Ben Roethlisberger played a sound and smart game, taking care of the ball, and making plays when he had to.
Brett Favre: tied Dan Marino's all-time record for TD passes with 420 with three TD tosses in Green Bay's 31-24 win over San Diego at Lambeau Field. He's turning the clock back a decade, when he was the NFL's premier QB. It also helps to have young studs like Greg Jennings, DeShawn Wynn, and Brandon Jackson, guys who were barely in KINDERGARTEN when Favre was a rookie in the NFL.
New York Giants: this team could have mailed it in at halftime, trailing 17-3. But they didn't. They scored three unanswered touchdowns in the second half and pulled out a very important road win. The defense did a GREAT job in the second half, clamping down on the Redskins' offense. This may have been Eli Manning's finest win as a pro. Eli showed me something today, rallying the Giants to the win. He's a leader in HIS OWN way. So STOP making the comparisons to his brother Peyton. They are COMPLETELY different QB's with different styles of play.
DeShaun Foster: he had another superb game against the Falcons when the Panthers needed it. He rushed for 122 yards on 20 carries and also caught a 13-yard TD pass from Jake Delhomme. He shouldered more of the offensive burden as Steve Smith was in and out with an undisclosed injury. His powerful running late in the game preserved the Panthers' 27-20 win.
Dallas Cowboys: as of this writing, the Boys are ahead 10-3 early in the third quarter. Still plenty of time, but Tony Romo looks good against a tough Bears defense in a hostile stadium.
Tennessee Titans: THIS IS A LATE ADDITION. They looked like world beaters. Vince Young IS going to be a Super Bowl-winning QB in the future. Keith Bulluck also deserves a Good category by himself. THREE interceptions tonight!
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: this team is a mess. Granted, they have been hit hard by injuries, particularly to their O-line. They clearly are a shadow of the Greatest Show on Turf. They gained a net total of 245 total yards. For the game. In their prime, they would gain that many yards IN A HALF. They are 0-3 and sinking fast.
Minnesota Vikings: I had a gut instinct in the preseason this team wasn't going to be good. So far my gut is proving me correct. When you lose to a team that was capable of going 0-16, you are a BAD team.
San Diego Chargers: granted they have a tough early season schedule. And the Packers are an improved team. But something isn't right with this team. They're not running on all cylinders like last season. For now, they are mildly bad.
New Orleans Saints: ANOTHER LATE ADDITION. They are totally out of sync. Same personnel from last season, but I think the rest of the league has caught up to them. They experienced a crushing blow when Deuce McAllister tore his ACL. He's gone for the season.
THE UGLY
Minnesota Vikings: see above.
Detroit Lions: when you give up 56 points, you're going to be in this category every time. Enough said.
Cleveland Browns: I just propped this team last week, now I have to put them back in the ugly bin. They lost a game they should have won handily.
Miami Dolphins: Trent Green is past his prime. The defense suddenly looks old. Time to rebuild big time.
Here are my spaghetti western nominees for the Good, Bad, and Ugly, brought to you by Crappafoni Pictures:
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: as much as I HATE giving this cheating team their props, I must do so. They're making a mockery of the Chargers as I write this. They have become the team to beat. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!)
Pittsburgh Steelers: or more specifically, the Steelers’ defense. The Steelers’ defense held Buffalo to 50 total yards for the game. It was reminiscent of the Steel Curtain days of yesteryear. Mean Joe Greene, Jack Lambert, and the other members of that defense would be proud of today’s Steelers.
Cleveland Browns: putting up 51 points in the NFL usually requires two games. The Browns did it today. And against a defense that looked like it was going to take the next step in becoming one of the better defenses in the league. A HUGE win for the Browns.
Houston Texans: I have done a 180 on Matt Schaub. He was impressive. He took care of the ball, made good decisions, and didn’t commit a turnover. They showed remarkable poise even after being down 14-0 early in the game.
THE BAD
Miami Dolphins: or more specifically, Trent Green. He threw 4 interceptions against the Cowboys. If the Dolphins had signed Drew Brees LAST SEASON, they wouldn’t be in this bad of a situation. Green’s day has come and gone. Time for the Fins to go in a different direction.
Kansas City Chiefs: they actually put up a spirited effort against the Bears but still came up short. This is what happens when there are holes all over the roster.
New Orleans Saints: or more specifically, their defense. How can you be a Super Bowl contender when your defense gets run over to the tune of 31 points? And against a struggling team searching for an identity, no less? The Saints gave up too many big plays against the Buccaneers.
THE UGLY
Cincinnati Bengals: giving up 51 points to an anemic Cleveland offense? What was that all about? I figured it would be a close game, but that Cincy would pull one out. Ugh. Back to
