It's that time of the week again! It's time to call out those sports figures that have so totally p****d you off you want to SCREAM! (Ashlee Simpson notwithstanding) Well, here is the forum in which you can call out those sports figures by throwing them under the Bus. I have a few nominations, so here goes!
NFL
Detroit Lions: for further pissing off some of their season ticket holders. Apparently someone in the Lions' front office responded this way to a complaint from one of their season ticket holders: "#### 'em." I'm always looking for a reason to throw the L.A. Clippers of the NFL under the Bus. Now I've found one. (NOTE: may have to write a written apology to the Clippers for lumping them in with the Detroit Lions. Clips, I apologize for lumping you in with the #### 'Em Lions aka the Detroit #### 'EM'S.)
Wal-Mart: the reason Wal-Mart is in this category is because they stiffed the Andre Johnson Foundation in two ways. First, they messed up the Texans' WR's order of 750 bikes that HE purchased to give to underprivileged kids. (There were around 675 bikes that ended up being donated as a result at the May 3 event.) And because of that order snafu, they stiffed the kids out of ice and water THEY HAD PROMISED. ICE AND WATER!! Sam Walton must be turning over in his grave. For stiffing the kids and messing up the order, Wal-Mart goes under the Bus.
NBA
Utah Jazz fans: this is for the moronic Jazz fans that chanted "Cancer!" every time Derek Fisher attempted a free throw and allegedly threw debris and trash at the Lakers' bench during Game 6 of their series. And they shouted "Refs SUCK!" when the Jazz were getting whipped. Don't blame the refs for your team's shortcomings. Congratulations, Utah. You surpassed Philly fan as the WORST fans in sports. Great job. Because of the morons that did this, you spoiled it for the rest of the Jazz fans. And because of the morons, Jazz fans get thrown under the Bus. I have ONE WORD for Jazz Fan: SCOREBOARD!
NASCAR
A.J. Allmendinger: for not even apologizing to Elliott Sadler after wrecking Sadler out of the All-Star Challenge, then he had the gall to win it! You'll get your comeuppance. Until then, you get thrown Under The Bus.
Those are my nominees for the week. Feel free to come in with yours.
Around the world of the NFL faster than Andre Davis taking not one, but TWO kickoff returns to The House, Crappafoni Pictures presents, spaghetti western style, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, Week 17.
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: what more can be said? Perfection. 16-0. And the way they beat the Giants is the stuff legends are made of. Tom Brady got sharper as the game went on. But the playoffs are a totally different animal. The Pats better be prepared to win when they score in the teens.
Carolina Panthers: as has been a recent tradition under John Fox, the Cats went out and won their last game of the season on the road. Matt Moore was efficient, throwing for 174 yards and 2 TDs. DeAngelo Williams rushed for 121 yards and a TD. Granted, Tampa Bay was resting its starters after the first half of the game, but a win is a win, and the Cats will take it.
Washington Redskins: was that a DOMINATING defensive performance, or WHAT? The Skins defense held the Cowboys to one yard rushing. FOR THE GAME. Watching the game, I could sense the late Sean Taylor encouraging his mates; they played very inspired ball, particularly on defense. I saw the Redskins' D-line pushing the Cowboys' O-line around all game long. Now they're on to Seattle, and I think it's a very winnable game for the Redskins.
Green Bay Packers: they put an ####-kicking on the Detroit LLLLLLLLLLLLLions, plain and simple. They seemed to shake the hangover of the loss to the Bears from their systems.
Tennessee Titans: they got it done, on the road, in a hostile environment, minus Vince Young for the last third of the game. Granted, it was against the Colts' second and third string, but a win is a win in the NFL. Kerry Collins was sharp, keeping the chains moving, and extending drives. Now they're on to San Diego next weekend.
Atlanta Falcons: one of the rare times this season I've put them in the Good category. They did beat a playoff team, and scoreboard is everything in the NFL.
Houston Texans: or more specifically, Andre Davis. He returned two kickoffs to The House in a 42-28 win over Jacksonville. The Texans finished 8-8 for the first time in franchise history. The AFC South is the only division to have all four of its teams finish .500 or better.
THE BAD
Dallas Cowboys: one of the REALLY rare times (maybe the ONLY time this season) I've put them in the Bad category. They proceeded to set a franchise low for yards rushing in a game: ONE yard. Thirty-six inches. Three feet. That broke the previous low of seven yards set in 1998 against New Orleans. Tony Romo was not sharp. The Redskins' defense had a lot to do with that. The Cowboys' O-line was pushed around by the stout Redskins' D-line all game long.
St. Louis Rams: I know you wanted the season to end, but I didn't realize how desperate you were to finish it. They threw in the towel and were ready for their tee times. Now you're picking second overall.
Miami Dolphins: you were watching the back of Chad Johnson all game long as he was blowing by you. Ocho Cinco took a short pass and took it to The House from 70 yards away. You couldn't WAIT for the season to end; it couldn't end soon enough. Now comes the inevitable purging by The Big Tuna, Bill Parcells.
Detroit LLLLLLLLLLLLions: you, too, couldn't wait for the season to end. Ford Field will be a ghost town come tomorrow as the players can't leave fast enough. Many of them will be attending their alma maters' bowl games. Others will be taking a much-needed vacation. Still several others have played their last game in a LLLLLLLLLions' uniform, as they will either be released or leave via free agency.
THE UGLY
Kansas City at N.Y. Jets: this epic battle of bad teams was compounded by this game going into overtime. What, did neither team WANT to win?
Buffalo at Philadelphia: a 17-9 yawnfest played in rainy, chilly weather. It would be one thing if both teams were in the playoffs. But neither team is in the playoffs.
NOTE: this blog will expand into other sports starting this week. You can still include your NFL nominees to throw Under The Bus, but I will open it up to the other sports as well. So if you have a team, player, coach, manager, team executive (including owner), that you want to vent about and throw Under The Bus, here is your forum to do so!
NFL
The 1972 Dolphins: how does it taste now, now that your record is ripped by the 2007 New England Patriots? No champagne popping this year! The Patriots just ripped your raison d'etre from you, so the next step is throwing your #### under the damn Bus!!
The 2007 Dolphins: if you guys hadn't stumbled and actually WON, we'd be talking about you going 0-16 and running the table in reverse. Today would have been a good day to make a statement and win two of your last three games. But you guys, in typical Dolphins fashion, went out and sucked. So under the Bus you go with the 1972 Dolphins.
Seattle Seahawks: you went 1-3 against a weakened NFC South this year? Ironically, your lone win against the division came against the eventual division champion (Tampa Bay) in Week ONE of the season. Meanwhile, Carolina went 4-0 against the NFC West. Yes, you're in the playoffs, but the NFC Worst is that, the worst division in football. And you LOST to the woeful Atlanta Falcons today? Your practice squad players should have beaten the Falcons! So Under The Bus you go!
New Orleans Saints: or more specifically, their special teams. WHY on God's Green Earth do you (or anyone else for that matter) PUNT to Devin Hester? So he can Hesterize you to the tune of TWO punt returns for TDs? I think Sean Payton threw P Steve Weatherford once under the Bus, so I'll pile on and throw Weatherford under the Bus again.
Detroit LLLLLLLLLLions: weak effort against the Pack. Enough said about this sorry team.
Those are my nominations for this week. Come in with your nominations. Thank you for reading and responding.
Around the world of the NFL faster than the San Diego Chargers’ scoring rampage, Crappafoni Pictures brings you, the fan, the NFL’s version of the spaghetti western, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
THE GOOD
San Francisco 49ers: they played their best game of the season in yesterday’s win over Cincinnati. Shaun Hill, in his first NFL start, was superb. Frank Gore rushed for a season-best 138 yards. While it’s too early to tell, the 49ers definitely played better than they have all season.
Carolina Panthers: the defense brought back memories of the 2003 season, when the team made its only Super Bowl appearance. They swarmed all over the Seahawks’ potent offense, limiting the Hawks‘ ground game to 44 yards for the game. Richard Marshall made a key fumble recovery late in the game to set up the Panthers’ only TD. Matt Moore was efficient in his first NFL start. He became the fourth Panthers’ QB to win a game this season.
Miami Dolphins: you earned this win. Cleo Lemon was stellar, passing for over 300 yards and the game-winning TD in overtime. And he didn’t throw an interception. Lemon gets my nomination for AFC Player of The Week.
Philadelphia Eagles: the defense showed up to play BIG-TIME. They harassed a normally stellar Tony Romo into three interceptions. And they sacked him four times and forced two fumbles. Brian Westbrook made a heads-up play just before the end of the game. Rather than scoring, he fell down at the Cowboys’ one yard line, denying the Cowboys a shot at coming back.
San Diego Chargers: was it a football game or a track meet? It’s kind of the football equivalent of teammates getting into a fight at the bat rack because they want to be the first to take their hacks at a struggling pitcher. It seemed like the Chargers couldn’t wait to get on offense to batter the LLLLLLLLLLLions’ defense. The Chargers’ defense also battered the LLLLLLLLLLLions’ offense, too. If it were a heavyweight fight, it would have been stopped in the first round.
Jacksonville Jaguars: great win by the Jags. To go into a hostile environment and beat the Steelers in their house speaks volumes about this team. They pounded the Steelers’ defense to the tune of over 200 yards rushing on a snow-covered field. Be very wary of this team in the postseason. They CAN move the ball on the ground. David Garrard is vastly underrated, but he gets the job done. He takes care of the ball and is very efficient.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: yes, they beat a demoralized Atlanta Falcons team; they were supposed to. But what stands out is the first kickoff return for a TD in FRANCHISE HISTORY. Since the Bucs came into the league in 1976, OVER 300 times a kickoff has been returned for a TD. And until today, not one by the Bucs. Michael Spurlock did the trick, returning a first quarter kickoff 90 yards for a TD. He will forever be etched into Buccaneers’ lore, something he can tell his children and grandchildren.
Cleveland Browns: or more specifically, Jamal Lewis. In a blizzard, Lewis rushed for 163 yards. Lewis also broke the 1,000 yard barrier for the season. Lewis was a battering ram and battered the Bills’ defense into submission.
THE BAD
Baltimore Ravens: pathetic. That’s all I’ll say. Your play spoke VOLUMES about how bad you really are.
Cincinnati Bengals: they have given up on this season. Remember, there is no “D” in Cincinnati. Time to blow this team up and start over. Start at the head coach. While I think Marvin Lewis is a good man, he has lost this team. Time for him to go. They had their opportunity and it’s slammed shut with the window boarded up.
Detroit LLLLLLLLLLions: you had golfing at Torrey Pines on the brain. Might as well make reservations for tee times at Torrey Pines, the TPC at Summerlin, Pebble Beach, etc. You’re not making the playoffs. So much for Jon Kitna’s guarantee of double-digit wins.
Atlanta Falcons: while I feel for the fans who felt betrayed by their franchise QB and a coach with no loyalty, the bottom line is that the players are professionals and owe it to the fans to give an honest effort. No wonder it’s ugly in the ATL.
THE UGLY
Buffalo at Cleveland: this game was better suited for the Iditarod dog sled race. The snow was coming in sheets and blowing sideways. Cleveland won 8-0; it was the first 8-0 game since 1929. Snow was THREE inches deep in some spots on the field. On the other hand, it was good old-fashioned smash mouth football.
Atlanta Falcons: UGH. They’re players in the Darren McFadden Sweepstakes.
Scanning the world of sports, one can see many malcontents, miscreants, ingrates, and other bad seeds. As a fan, do you get so pissed off that you just want to VENT? Well here’s your chance to vent. While I gear this column towards the NFL, I welcome fans of all sports to throw the object of your ire Under The Bus (Jerome Bettis Limited Edition, 850 hp). I have some nominees.
NFL
Baltimore Ravens: I’ll laugh at you after I throw you under the bus. This team is PATHETIC. You LOST to a winless team!! You deserve to be called the Baltimore Canaries after that “effort”. AND YOU RUINED MY CHANCE TO SEE A TEAM GO WINLESS!!!! UNDER THE BUS YOU GO!!!
Cincinnati Bengals: it’s OVER for you. Time to blow this team up and start over. As much as I like Chad Johnson, his heart wasn’t in the game against San Francisco. Trade him while he has high trade value and get extra draft picks.
Detroit LLLLLLLLLLLions: you have golfing on the brain. Giving up 51 points to San Diego? That’s the sign of a team that has quit. The Dolphins have a WORSE record than you, yet they haven’t QUIT. So under the Bus you go.
NBA
Golden State Warriors: yes, you beat the Lakers the other night in front of the largest crowd to see a basketball game in California. Good win. But don’t act like you won the NBA championship in mid-December. So Under The Bus you go!
MLB
Sen. George Mitchell (D-Maine): what a colossal waste of money! And for what? To make you look important? While I’m at it, I’ll throw the Commissioner under the bus as well.
Those are my nominees for this week. Come on in with your nominees!!
Scanning the world of the NFL, there are no shortage of players, teams, coaches, fans, owners, and officials to throw Under The Bus (Jerome Bettis Limited Edition, 850 hp). Football fans everywhere, you are welcome to chime in with your nominations! I have a few nominations myself.
NFL
The officiating crew in the Denver-Kansas City game: for giving Brandon Marshall a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after Marshall's rendition of "Let It Snow, Let It Snow." Marshall had just caught a TD pass from Jay Cutler and was throwing snow high in the air in celebration of a TD. He wasn't showing ANYONE up!! If he's taunting a KC defender, THEN you throw the flag! Officials, Under The Bus you all go! I'll add the NFL Rules Committee to be thrown Under The Bus as well.
Anthony Smith: this genius guaranteed a Steelers' victory over the Patriots earlier in the week. So what does he do for an encore? He gives up THREE TD passes!! Not ONE, not TWO, but THREE. As I write, 54fulltiltfulltime is having a whole pot of chilled crow delivered to one Anthony Smith. For this foolish guarantee, Anthony Smith gets thrown where? Under The Bus!!!
Carolina Panthers: embarassing. While J-ville is a good, but not great, team, I expected a MUCH better effort from the Kittens. ONE HUNDRED FORTY-NINE TOTAL YARDS?? WORSE THAN PATHETIC!!! Not only that, but J-ville amassed 427 yards in total offense. Time for Fox to go and be replaced by Bill Cowher. Give Cowher total control of the football operations. For this God-awful "effort", the Kittens get thrown Under The Bus.
Detroit Lions defense: it is inexcusable blowing a 13-point lead in the fourth quarter! The Lions' offense played well enough to put an ####-kicking on the Cowboys' defense. If the defense played half as well as the offense, the Cowboys would be tied with the Packers at 11-2. Paris Lenon had a chance to put the game away with a fumble recovery, but he tried to scoop it up and deflected the ball to Andre Gurode of the Cowboys. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS FALL ON THE F-ING BALL AND THE LIONS WIN!!! IS THAT SO HARD TO DO?? Instead, Tony Romo completes a clutch fourth down pass on the next play to keep the drive alive. The Lions' defense gets thrown Under The Bus.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: I've been propping you guys for most of the year, and you reward me with THIS?? A beatdown administered by the Houston Texans' second-string QB? I can see this if it were the Cowboys or Packers putting the beatdown on the Bucs. But the TEXANS??? The Bucs get thrown Under The Bus.
ESPN: for single-handedly making Monday Night Football irrelevant. You have matchups like New Orleans-Atlanta?? Which Head #### decided that this would be a compelling matchup? The Four-Letter gets thrown Under The Bus.
NFL schedule makers: for putting another couple of overexposed NFC East teams on NBC next Sunday night: Washington Redskins vs. New York Giants. The Redskins' playoff hopes are BARELY on life support. A MUCH better matchup would be Buffalo at Cleveland. Admit it NBC, you have a bias towards Eastern teams from the Eastern Seaboard no matter how BAD THEY SUCK (NY Giants, Washington, Philly, New England). Just get it done and sign an exclusive contract with the NFC East. So Under The Bus you go!
NBA
New York Knicks: too much drama. Between Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury, it would be too much for even the most hard-core Knicks fans to handle. There WAS a time when the Knicks were a well-run franchise among the NBA's elite. It's going to take Thomas' departure, either by firing or resignation, plus some very good personnel moves, to make this franchise good again.
That's all I have for now. I have expanded this to include all sports. Feel free to come in with your nominations!!!
Around the world of the NFL faster than a Richard MarshallPick Six Special, Crappafoni Pictures brings you the fan, in living color, the NFL's version of the spaghetti western, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. And away we go!!
THE GOOD
Carolina Panthers: it's been a LONG time since I've been able to put the Cats in the Good category. For the first time all season, the defense showed up and BALLED. Coming into the game, the Panthers forced only 10 turnovers. Today, they forced SIX turnovers, including the Pick Six Special that turned the game around. The defense harassed Trent Dilfer and the 49ers all game long, causing four picks and recovering two fumbles. Throw in six sacks, and you have a complete game by the Panthers' defense.
Oakland Raiders: for beating their archnemesis, the Denver Broncos. Justin Fargas was once again the star, rushing for 146 yards on 33 carries. The Raiders as a team rushed for 175 yards. This game also marked the NFL debut of the first pick in the draft, JaMarcus Russell. He was 4 of 7 for 56 yards. Simply put, they put a good old-fashioned beatdown on the Broncos.
Dallas Cowboys: even though this game was played last Thursday, they are in this category because they are the best team in the NFC. Tony Romo was stellar again, throwing 4 TD passes. Terrell Owens was superb, grabbing 7 of Romo's passes for 156 yards and a TD. They did what they had to do to win. Now they have the inside track for home field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs. At 11-1, the Cowboys are off to the best start in the franchise's storied history.
Minnesota Vikings: don't look now, but they are one of the hottest teams in the NFC right now. The two-headed beast of Chester Taylor and Adrian Peterson is clicking on all cylinders. The Vikings have the inside track to the playoffs right now. They would be a #6 seed if the season ended today. Another bright spot was rookie Aundray Allison. Allison, filling in for an injured Troy Williamson, set a Vikings' franchise record with a 103-yard kickoff return for a TD.
Seattle Seahawks: this was a HUGE win for the Hawks. Any time you can beat the Eagles IN Philly, you'll be put into the Good category. The Hawks' defense rose to the occasion, picking off A.J. Feeley four times, three by Lofa Tatupu. Tatupu was all over the field, amassing 11 tackles in addition to the three picks. Good win by the Hawks. This puts them in the driver's seat in the NFC West.
THE BAD
San Francisco 49ers: simply put, they played WORSE than the Dolphins, and that's saying something. Dilfer had the game from hell, Frank Gore was MIA, and the Niners' "skill" players had a severe case of the dropsies. Patriots Nation was rooting HARD for the Panthers. (The Patriots have the Niners' first round draft pick in next year's draft, and they'll probably draft Darren McFadden, rendering them unbeatable for the next decade. Imagine McFadden behind the Pats' O-line--I can see him becoming the NFL's first 300-yard rusher in a single game)
Miami Dolphins: the streak is alive! Zero and 12 and counting! They could well become the first team in history to lose 16 straight games in the regular season. At least you'll have Glenn Dorsey next year.
Detroit Lions: what kind of effort was that? Kiss your playoff aspirations bye-bye. I'm convinced that unless the Ford family sells the team, the Lions will continue to foster the culture of losing.
Atlanta Falcons: or more specifically, Joey Harrington. Harrington was pulled for Chris *(*#@&*(*^@ Redman. Being pulled for Redman will get you in the Bad category every single time. Joey, take comfort in the fact that you weren't pulled for a QB with NO experience, like last week, when David Carr was pulled for Matt Moore.
THE UGLY
New York Jets at Miami Dolphins: this game is the only reason San Francisco at Carolina wasn't included in the Ugly category. As one who lives on the West Coast, I'm glad I wasn't subject to this game. The Jets got their third win of the season at the expense of the hapless Dolphins.
Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers: it was a sloppy game, the weather and the turf being great equalizers. At the same time, it was old-school football, lining 'em up and smashing them in the mouth.
Those are my nominations! Your nominations are more than welcome.
We have come to the conclusion of a crazy college football season, the NFL is winding down, and both college and pro basketball are approaching mid-season. However, even though it's early December, there are ALWAYS players, teams, coaches, managers, owners, AD's, executives, and fans to throw under the Bus. (Jerome Bettis Limited Edition, 800 hp) Here is your forum to vent! This week's nominees:
NCAA
BCS Honks: apparently they are the only ones that think the BCS works. While I'm at it, I'll also throw the university presidents, the conference commissioners, and other assorted NCAA executives, including Miles Brand, under the Bus. Putting in a 16-team playoff while incorporating the current bowl system is the only reasonable and fair solution. Divisions 1-AA, 2, 3, and the NAIA have playoffs; why shouldn't Division 1?
BCS Selection Committee: for putting Illinois, a THREE loss team, into the Rose Bowl, because they're the Big 10 runners up. The Biting, er, Fighting Illini got a gift-wrapped invitation to a beatdown at the hands of the USC Trojans. Why not invite Arizona State to the Sugar Bowl against Georgia, and put Hawai'i into the Rose Bowl? Arizona State lost to both Oregon and USC when both teams were at or near the top of the rankings. NO FREAKING WAY should the Big 10 get two BCS representatives.
ESPN: for putting out an erroneous report that LSU head coach Les Miles was going to be the next Michigan head coach RIGHT BEFORE the SEC Championship Game against Tennessee. Are ESPN secret Vols honks?
NFL
The officiating crew in the Browns-Cardinals game: on the last play of the game, Derek Anderson threw a desperation pass to Kellen Winslow, who miraculously came up with the catch as he was being shoved out of bounds. The officiating crew called Winslow out of bounds. It was CLEARLY a bad call, as he was FORCED out of bounds. The Browns were ROBBED of a W. For this reason, the officials get thrown Under The Bus.
Detroit Lions: granted, Minnesota is a much better team with Adrian Peterson in the lineup, but to suffer a BEATDOWN like that? What kind of effort was THAT? I think they remembered they were the Detroit Lions. For this reason, the Lions get thrown Under The Bus.
Joe Gibbs: as much as I like the Hall of Fame coach and NASCAR team owner, he gets thrown Under The Bus for calling consecutive timeouts. YOU CANNOT DO THAT!! Instead of a very difficult 51-yard game-winning FG in the rain, Rian Lindell of the Buffalo Bills made a much easier 36 yarder.
Those are my nominees. Come on in with your nominees!!
Around the world of the NFL faster than two Darren Sproles returns for touchdowns, Crappafoni Pictures presents the Spaghetti Western NFL version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
THE GOOD
Cleveland at Pittsburgh: this was one of the better games on the docket today. Derek Anderson threw for 3 TDs and Joshua Cribbs took one to the house for 100 yards. The Browns jumped out to a huge lead in the first half and it looked like they were going to steal one in the Burgh. The Steelers coaching staff made the necessary adjustments and shut down the Browns' potent offense. Big Ben's 30-yard TD run swung the momentum the Steelers' way. The Steelers rallied and won a HUGE divisional game.
Dallas Cowboys: they keep getting better each week. After falling behind early, the defense clamped down, and Tony Romo got into a rhythm. Any road win is huge, but to beat your division rivals on the road is doubly huge. The Meadowlands is never an easy place to win, and the 'Boys win in effect gives them a three game lead (two actual games and 2-0 against the G-men).
Green Bay Packers: pitching a shutout in the NFL is very difficult against anyone. To shut out a divisional rival deserves props. Brett Favre looks happy again; having young studs like RB Ryan Grant and WRs James Jones and Greg Jennings are a large reason why. And that defense was gunning for Adrian Peterson, eventually knocking him out of the game.
St. Louis Rams: it was bound to happen sooner or later; this team is much too talented to be 1-8. Injuries, injuries, and more injuries. Once this team is healthy, I expect them to finish strong. They put a good old-fashioned ####-kicking on the Saints. At the Superdome, no less. Marc Bulger had one of his best games of the year, passing for 302 yards and 2 TDs. Steven Jackson even threw a TD pass and ran for a TD. Torry Holt had 8 receptions for 124 yards and a TD. The Rams' defense put the clamps on the Saints. The Saints could have had a chance to tie the game late in regulation, but an onside kick slipped through Josh Bullocks' hands and went out of bounds, giving the Rams possession and preserving their first win of the season.
Denver Broncos: they dominated Kansas City at Arrowhead, forcing four turnovers. Selvin Young rushed for 109 yards and a TD. Jay Cutler had a pedestrian game, passing for 192 yards and a TD to Daniel Graham. The defense also knocked Damon Huard out of the game, forcing the Chiefs to go with Brodie Croyle.
Arizona Cardinals: they are the most schizophrenic team in the NFL. You NEVER know which Cardinals team will show up from game to game or even series to series. Today's Cardinals looked like the team that many picked to win the NFC West. Kurt Warner looked like the Kurt Warner that QB'd the Greatest Show on Turf. Leonard Pope emerged as a red-zone target for both Warner and Tim Rattay, snagging 2 TD passes. Larry Fitzgerald also snagged 2 TD passes, both from Warner. The Cardinals defense did the rest, holding the Lions to MINUS 18 yards rushing FOR THE GAME, including a minus 15 yard effort by Shaun McDonald.
San Diego Chargers: or more specifically, Antonio Cromartie and Darren Sproles. Sproles returned BOTH a kickoff and punt to the house. Sproles' 89-yard kickoff return sparked the Chargers. He later added a 45-yard punt return for a TD. Cromartie picked off Peyton Manning THREE TIMES. The Chargers' defense picked off Manning six times overall. Maybe the powder-blue uniform had something to do with this. The Chargers seem to play better when they wear their powder blues.
Philadelphia Eagles: major props to them for a gritty win at Washington. Brian Westbrook was his usual stellar self. Is it possible he's one of the most UNDERRATED RBs in the league? Reggie Brown made a GREAT TD catch, a "Look Mom, look what I found" type catch. Donovan McNabb made big plays when needed. But it was the Eagles' defense that made the difference, coming up with key stops when needed and giving the offense a chance to win.
THE BAD
Miami Dolphins: until they win a game, they will be residents of this category. This was a VERY winnable game for the Fins, and for awhile, it looked like they were going to win their first game of the season. Alas, they lost on a late FG by Rian Lindell. At one point, they led 3-2.
Minnesota Vikings: a goose egg on the scoreboard. Enough said.
Carolina Panthers: they allowed the Falcons to run the ball down their throats time and again. On the last Falcons' TD, the two Panthers' DBs looked at each other while Alge Crumpler walked into the end zone FROM 30 YARDS AWAY. This is one of the worst teams in the NFL right now. Mediocre would be a compliment.
Indianapolis Colts: yep, I have to include the defending Super Bowl champs here. Yes, they moved the ball, but SIX Peyton Manning interceptions killed their chances of winning.
Oakland Raiders: while their defense is still solid, the starting CBs are ####ed up. They need to learn how to finish games. They play well for the first 55 minutes or so, then in the last 5 minutes they let up.
THE UGLY
Chicago at Oakland: it was even at 3 entering the fourth quarter. I found it hilarious that the broadcast highlighted the Hall of Famers from both franchises. NEWSFLASH: NONE of them are playing for either franchise! Griese vs. McCown does not exactly conjure memories of Young vs. Aikman. I found myself falling asleep through this snoozefest.
Indianapolis at San Diego: this was a game that bordered on the surreal. NINE combined turnovers for two of the better teams in the AFC. Not to mention MANY missed opportunities. The two teams combined for more turnovers than you see at Rene's French Bakery. Adam Vinatieri missed two FGs, including a 29-yarder late in the game. Add in a heavy rainfall in the second half.
Come in with your nominations for the Good, Bad, and/or Ugly!
Around the world of the NFL faster than an Antonio Cromartie 109-yard return of a missed FG, Crappafoni Pictures gives you this week's spaghetti western version of Week 9 in the NFl.
THE GOOD
New England at Indianapolis: unlike most big games, this one lived up to the hype. It took a great comeback by Tom Brady and Company to pull out a 24-20 win, preserved by a late turnover. The Pats were 10 points down going into the fourth quarter. Good job, Pats. The 1972 Dolphins should be VERY worried about the Pats running the table, since the Pats' remaining schedule has only two winning teams on it (Pittsburgh and the NY Giants).
Minnesota Vikings: or more specifically, Adrian Peterson. Even though it's been a couple of days since he set the single-game rushing record, it becomes more and more amazing. He SINGLE-HANDEDLY beat the San Diego Chargers.
Dallas Cowboys: they carved up the Eagles IN Philly like John Madden carving up his turducan back in the day. The Cowboys have to be considered the favorites in the NFC to be playing in Glendale in early February.
Detroit Lions: they simply put a good old-fashioned ####-kicking on the Denver Broncos. The ironic thing is that the Broncos actually had the edge on time of possession. But four turnovers did in the Broncos, including a 66-yard Pick Six Special by DT Shaun Rogers. The Lions knocked Jay Cutler out of the game with a leg injury.
New Orleans Saints: is it safe to say, "THEY ARE BACK?" Drew Brees came up HUGE, passing for 445 yards and 3 TDs. Reggie Bush added a 1-yard TD run in the first quarter. I will say that they are back, especially considering the NFC South is very weak this year. The Buccaneers are inconsistent, Carolina has QB issues, and the Falcons are in disarray.
Pittsburgh Steelers: they made a statement by the way they carved up the Ravens' once-vaunted defense. I know I'm not overlooking the Steelers. They are the ONE team that CAN hang with the Patriots and possibly beat them. They have a very strong, balanced offense, the defense is stout, physical, and will smash you in the mouth, and are well-coached by Mike Tomlin and his staff.
Cleveland Browns: Derek Anderson was stellar yet again, passing for 364 yards and four Browns receivers each had 67 yards or more in receiving yards. Jamal Lewis only rushed for 37 yards but had four TDs. It helps a young QB like Anderson immensely to have a battering ram like Lewis back there to punch it in from short yardage. This team is for REAL. Look for them to be playing in January as a wild card.
THE BAD
Carolina Panthers: they weren't just bad; they were PATHETIC. David Carr passed for a MEASLY 107 yards. For the GAME. He's the only player in the history of the NFL to contain a future Hall of Famer in Steve Smith. The Panthers can't stop anyone, and they can't move the ball. A VERY bad combination. I see this team going 6-10 and missing the playoffs yet again. I predict that John Fox will lose his job over this, either by resignation or by firing. The next Panthers' head coach? Bill Cowher.
Oakland Raiders: you can't expect to win by turning the ball over three times. But that is what the Raiders did. Josh McCown was picked off three times, including once in the red zone by LB DeMeco Ryans as the Raiders were driving for a touchdown.
San Francisco 49ers: even with four turnovers, they STILL had a chance to win, but QB Alex Smith threw his third pick of the day to seal it for the Falcons. Frank Gore did not play due to an injury, and that hurt the Niners' ground game.
Baltimore Ravens: this is a team that got old suddenly. Ray Lewis, while still a good LB, is clearly not the LB he used to be. He simply doesn't have the talent around him that he used to have. Steve McNair is on his last legs as an NFL QB. I admire his competitiveness but his tank is dry. The Steelers exposed the Ravens as an old team.
THE UGLY
San Diego Chargers: giving up nearly 300 yards to Adrian Peterson still boggles my mind, since the Chargers have a good, swarming defense.
Arizona at Tampa Bay: this game won't be making ESPN Classic any time soon. Earnest Graham did have a good effort, rushing for 124 yards and a TD.
San Francisco at Atlanta: okay, this wasn't exactly New England at Indy, but this game set the NFL back many years. And it wasn't that long ago both of these teams were in the playoffs.
Around the world of the NFL faster than a transatlantic flight for the Giants-Dolphins game, Crappafoni Pictures brings you, the NFL fan, the Week 8 edition of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: any time you put up 52 against a very good defense, you will be in this slot every single time. Can Tom Brady and Company ever be stopped? They are on pace to obliterate the single season scoring record. Brady is on pace for 60 TD passes. The defense recorded 3 sacks and 3 forced fumbles.
Indianapolis Colts: they overcame a sluggish first half to put up 21 second half points. Peyton Manning became the franchise record holder for TD passes, breaking John Unitas' record. Congratulations to Peyton Manning for that remarkable achievement. After allowing a TD on the opening drive that covered 75 yards, the Indy defense clamped down on the Panthers.
San Diego Chargers: can we say that they are back? They looked sharp in thrashing the Texans. The Chargers entered the game with heavy hearts and having to practice in Arizona this week due to the wildfires in the area. Antonio Cromartie was a beast, returning a Pick Six special 70 yards. For good measure he recovered a fumble in the end zone for another TD. Another Antonio, Gates, also scored 2 TDs. My thoughts and prayers go to the families of those affected by the fires, and to the firefighters fighting those fires.
Detroit Lions: we all know they have playmakers up the wazoo on offense. What we didn't know was that their defense is catching up to the offense. The defense forced four turnovers, all INTs, including three in their own end zone. Kevin Jones rushed for 104 yards and a TD, Jon Kitna passed for 268 yards.
New Orleans Saints: their offense is clicking much like it did last season. Drew Brees was 31 for 39 for 336 yards and 4 TDs, 3 of them to Marques Colston. Although Reggie Bush had a pedestrian game, he didn't need to be good today.
Pittsburgh Steelers: this was a big win against their bitter rivals. It effectively buries the Bengals once and for all. Willie Parker rushed for 126 yards and a TD, and Big Ben passed for 2 TDs. The defense clamped down when they needed to.
Cleveland Browns: they kept pace with the Steelers, getting a huge win on the road. Derek Anderson passed for 248 yards and 3 TDs, and Braylon Edwards caught 2 TD passes. They have some impressive young playmakers on offense. Anderson is second in the NFL in TD passes behind a man named Brady.
Miami Dolphins vs. New York Giants: you might be asking, "Now why did he include this game in the Good category? Because the Dolphins showed a lot of heart and grit in spite of the long odds against them. They only allowed 13 points to a good N.Y. Giants team. They may very well end up winning a game or two. The Giants are in the Good category because they are 6-2 going into their bye. Brandon Jacobs rushed sloshed for a career-high 131 yards in the rain and muck of Wembley Stadium in London, England.
Green Bay Packers: WOW! What a pass!! Brett Favre has thrown some great passes in his career, but this one is on the short list of his all-time greatest passes. A dagger in the heart of the Denver Broncos. THAT'S how you win a game! Favre passed for 336 yards and two scores. Both James Jones and Greg Jennings topped 100 receiving yards. If you're a legend and you have TWO young studs at WR, along with Driver and Franks, you'd want to play as long as you can!! Ryan Grant rushed for 104 yards on 22 carries.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: they are in the midst of an epically horrible season. Steven Jackson reaggravated his groin injury. The defense can't stop anybody. While Brian Leonard is a good RB, he's no Steven Jackson. The O-line is in shambles. They blew a 14 point lead to the Browns.
San Francisco 49ers: what happened to that offense that was very good last year? More importantly, what happened to Frank Gore? They get their stud TE Vernon Davis back from injury, then TE Delanie Walker goes down with a shoulder injury on the first play of the game. Alex Smith aggravated his shoulder injury during the game.
Oakland Raiders: once again, the offense was spotty. The defense played well enough for the Raiders to win, but Mike Williams dropped a sure catch on 4th and long late in the game that would have kept the Raiders' final drive alive. The defense allowed only 218 yards of total offense to the Titans.
Chicago Bears: seven points, four turnovers, 255 yards in total offense, 365 total yards allowed by the defense. Yes Virginia, the Chicago Bears ARE a bad team. Can you say, "They are DONE?" Not quite, but another couple of bad games like that, then they are officially done.
THE UGLY
Oakland at Tennessee: in this snoozefest, the two teams combined for 22 points, 162 yards in penalties, and 453 total yards. Yawn. Hopefully a sleep doctor Tivo'd the game so he can recommend watching this game to his patients for insomnia problems.
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets: I only put this game in the Ugly category because of the combined records of the two teams. Buffalo actually moved the ball pretty effectively. For most of the game the Jets' defense bent but didn't break. Late in the game, the Jets' defense broke.
Houston Texans: that loud thump you heard from San Diego is the Texans returning to earth. They got schooled.
New England Patriots: I wasn't about to leave these guys off the list. Here's why: they went for it on fourth down well after the game was in hand; they were passing deep downfield when leading 45-0; in other words, they were running up the score needlessly. It was chickenshit. You're up 38-0, you call off the dogs. You put in your second stringers. If you score TDs on defense, so be it. They'll get their comeuppance at some point in the season, hopefully next week.
NOTE: next week's edition will be next Tuesday evening due to the writer going on vacation.
Crappafoni Pictures takes you around the world of the NFL faster than the participants in The World's Greatest Race. Here we go!!
THE GOOD
New England Patriots: granted, they did play the Miami Dolphins. But throwing for 6 TD passes like Tom Brady did today was freaking incredible! It was like playing Madden 08. At this pace, Brady will obliterate the single season record currently held by Peyton Manning. Brady is on pace for 60 TD passes.
New York Giants: while Eli Manning was efficient and is getting better each week, the G-men's defense was swarming. They forced the 49ers into four turnovers. Michael Strahan was a beast with 2.5 sacks, Osi Umenyiora scored on a fumble return and had a sack, and Brandon Jacobs rushed for a career-high 107 yards and a TD.
Tennessee Titans: or more specifically, Rob Bironas. Bironas kicked 8 FGs, setting an NFL single-game record. The record setter came as time expired, lifting the Titans to a thrilling win over the host Houston Texans. Lost in all that was that Kerry Collins was nails on that final drive to set up Bironas' record breaker.
Dallas Cowboys: they dominated the Vikings in every single aspect of the game but needed a TD return of a blocked FG to put away the pesky Vikings. Tony Romo was superb, going 31 for 39 for 277 yards and a TD. Marion Barber rushed for 96 yards and a TD in the 24-14 win.
Cincinnati Bengals: if not for Kenny Watson's strong effort (31 carries, 130 yards, 3 TDs), the Bengals would have been put in either the Bad or Ugly category. Watson was the stud of the game. They should have beaten a putrid Jets team by at least 2 TDs. More on the Jets later.
Chicago Bears: the win today over Philadelphia may have salvaged their season. In the event a tiebreaker comes into play with the Eagles, the Bears have the advantage. Brian Griese coolly engineered the clinching drive, throwing a TD pass to Muhsin Muhammad with 9 seconds left in the game. The TD pass capped a 97-yard drive. While the Bears still need help in the ground game, Griese gives them a better chance to win.
New Orleans Saints: it looks like they are breaking out of their season-long funk. They won a close game they had to win. While Reggie Bush wasn't spectacular, his TD late in the game was one of pure determination. He caught a short swing pass and bulled over three Atlanta Falcons defenders for the winning TD with less than 5 minutes remaining in the game.
Denver Broncos: they played inspired football in beating a tough Pittsburgh Steelers team. The Steelers' comeback fell short, as Jason Elam kicked a 49-yard FG as time expired. Jay Cutler made the big passes when he needed to. He was 22 of 29 for 248 yards and 3 TDs and 2 INTs.
Kansas City Chiefs: this team has surprised me. I had picked them to be one of the worst teams in the league in the preseason. They are now 4-3. Another good: Priest Holmes returned to the lineup after missing nearly two seasons with head and neck injuries. Combine Holmes and L.J. and this team could possibly make the playoffs.
THE BAD
St. Louis Rams: 0-7. Enough said.
Miami Dolphins: see above.
New York Jets: this is an absolutely putrid team. If not for the Rams and Dolphins, they would be the worst team in the league. They had opportunities to beat the Bengals and let them slip away. Let the Kellen Clemens era begin. How could a team that was a playoff team last season sink to such depths of ineptitude?
Baltimore Ravens: how could a team that says its a playoff team lose to a one-win team going into the day? Simple: you don't make the plays you need to and the now two-win team makes those same plays.
THE UGLY
Arizona at Washington: the Redskins had a two TD lead and very nearly gave it all back. Credit Arizona for making a furious comeback that fell wide left. The Redskins very nearly sel####estructed. Jason Campbell played like a rookie starting his first NFL game. After playing well much of the season, he played very poorly today.
San Francisco 49ers: Yikes! FOUR turnovers leading to 24 NY Giants points? You're not going to win playing like that! Four turnovers will give any hard-core football fan indigestion. Definitely not a game for the ages.
Oakland Raiders: while their defense kept them in this game, the offense sputtered yet again. Aside from their only TD, the offense didn't show up. What happened to the Raiders' ground game? Fifty-five yards for the game will not win you many games.
As I peer across the NFL landscape, there are some worthy candidates for being thrown under the bus:
San Francisco 49ers: one word--BRUTAL. Ineptness on offense and special teams, missed assignments, and general boneheadedness. It's one thing to lose to a better team if you play well, like the Niners did in losing to Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh's a better team at present. But the Niners lost a game they should have won by at least 2 TD's.
Atlanta Falcons: particularly BOTH QB's. Stats don't lie, and both Harrington and Leftwich were BAD this week. In fairness to Harrington, it was his first bad week of the season; he's been playing well up to this point.
Detroit Lions: they were NOT ready to play today. How else can you explain a 34-3 BEATDOWN? I figured they would lose to the Redskins, but not via a beatdown.
NFL fans, feel free to chime in on YOUR candidates to be thrown under the bus!!!
Around the world of the NFL faster than the hot-air balloon in the motion picture Around the World in 80 Days, I bring you Week 5 of the NFL version of the Spaghetti Western The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, sponsored by Crappafoni Pictures....HERE WE GO!!
THE GOOD
San Diego Chargers: the scoreboard explains it all. San Diego 41, Denver 3. They were dominant in all phases of the game. In an eleven second span of the first quarter, the Chargers scored two TD’s. Michael Turner, LT’s backup, was the rushing stud today, with 147 yards on only ten carries, including a 74-yard touchdown run.
Oakland Raiders: yes, they had a bye week, but because of San Diego’s win in Denver and Kansas City’s loss to Jacksonville, the Raiders are in first place. Yes, the FIRST PLACE Oakland Ra
